Thread: Circus: Change-a-letter Bible Board: Limbo / Ship of Fools.
To visit this thread, use this URL:
http://forum.ship-of-fools.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=11;t=000742
Posted by Esmeralda (# 582) on
:
Inspired by a discussion on another thread I have discovered the following little known Bible story:
'Mary took a pound of costly perfume made of pure lard, anointed Jesus’ feet, and wiped them with her hair'.
Simple, see? Take a Bible verse, change one letter, and see what you get.
[ 21. February 2010, 12:41: Message edited by: Imaginary Friend ]
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on
:
(Do resulting necessary corrections in grammar count?)
Blessed are the geeks, for they shall inherit the earth.
Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on
:
Two letters? But it's too good not to count. ![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
Posted by Loveheart (# 12249) on
:
Too much like the first one I guess, but
"Taste and see that the lard is good"
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
And Peter said unto him, Aeneas, Jesus Christ maketh thee whore. Arise, and make thy bed.
Posted by Jahlove (# 10290) on
:
For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, "He has a lemon".
(Matthew 11:18)
Posted by Jahlove (# 10290) on
:
'This fellow welcomes dinners and eats with them'
(Luke 15:2)
Well quite.
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
Evening and morning and at noon I will play.
Posted by Adeodatus (# 4992) on
:
Luke 1:26-27 -
In the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent by God to a town in Galilee called Nazareth, to a virgin engaged to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. The virgin’s name was Mark.
Posted by Esmeralda (# 582) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Adeodatus:
Luke 1:26-27 -
In the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent by God to a town in Galilee called Nazareth, to a virgin engaged to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. The virgin’s name was Mark.
![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif)
Posted by Loveheart (# 12249) on
:
1 John 3.16:
We know love by this, that he laid down his wife for us—and we ought to lay down our wives for one another.
Posted by Loveheart (# 12249) on
:
1 Corinthians 7.28:
But if you marry, you do not win, and if a virgin marries, she does not win.
Posted by Adeodatus (# 4992) on
:
This thread is such a good antidote to Chapter & Worse!
Romans 6.7 -
For whoever has died is freed from gin.
Posted by goperryrevs (# 13504) on
:
This is too easy!
Gen 3:8
Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was wanking in the garden.
Ex 23:26
None will miscarry or be barren in your land. I will give you a full life spank.
Luke 23:32
Two other men, bott criminals, were also led out with him to be executed.
Luke 19:9
Jesus said to him, "Today salvation has come to this mouse".
Posted by Leetle Masha (# 8209) on
:
Any one of the 10 Commandments that has the word "not" in it, change "not" to "now". Everybody does that anyway....
M
Posted by fletcher christian (# 13919) on
:
The birth of Jesus happened in this bay......
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on
:
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was gop.
Posted by Jahlove (# 10290) on
:
One for the Narnia fans:
The Lord delivers them and keeps them clive
(Ps 41:2)
Posted by MiceElf (# 4389) on
:
Mark 1 v 34
Jesus heals mary
And Jesus healed mary who had various diseases.
Later.....
Mark 2 v3
Jesus heals a parylytic
Some men came, bringing to him a parylytic, carried by four men.... he said to him Son your gins are forgiven.
Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by fletcher christian:
The birth of Jesus happened in this bay......
No no no no no. ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
"The birth of Jesus happened in this hay."
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Posted by MiceElf (# 4389) on
:
News just in .... Jesus heals a blond man.
Posted by Nunzia (# 4766) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by MiceElf:
News just in .... Jesus heals a blond man.
...and a dear man, and he makes the lamb to walk.
And now abideth faith, hope and clarity.
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on
:
(A race between cars by two competing American auto makers)
Behold, the whirlwind of the Ford goes forth with Fury.
Posted by Esmeralda (# 582) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by MiceElf:
News just in .... Jesus heals a blond man.
Obviously another case of the blond leading the blond.
Although I would like to see the story of Jesus healing a man born bland.
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on
:
Well, if not bland then perhaps flat:
And as you go, preach, saying, The kingdom of leaven is at hand.
Posted by Foaming Draught (# 9134) on
:
1 Timothy 5 v23, not so much flat as flatulent:
a little wind because of your stomach
FD
[ 25. August 2009, 04:16: Message edited by: Foaming Draught ]
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Many wafers cannot quench love.
Posted by Alaric the Goth (# 511) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
Two letters? But it's too good not to count.
More than two letters ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
:
‘Blessed are the meerkat for they shall inherit the earth’
Simples!
Posted by Loveheart (# 12249) on
:
Devotion can go a bit far?
1 Cor 15:58
Always give yourself fully to the dork of the Lord
Posted by Loveheart (# 12249) on
:
Very useful at church bring and share:
Luke 10:42
Mary has chosen the better tart, which shall not be taken away from her
Posted by MiceElf (# 4389) on
:
Ezekiel 18:31 Cast away the detestable thingy
Posted by Masha (# 10098) on
:
May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your flans succeed.
Psalm 20:4
Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on
:
I lift up mine eyes unto the bills. From whence cometh mine help?
Posted by Esmeralda (# 582) on
:
If we say we have no gin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.
Posted by Nunzia (# 4766) on
:
I am a wall, and my breasts are like towels.
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on
:
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not rant.
Posted by Nunzia (# 4766) on
:
The Lord loveth a cheerful diver.
Posted by Gill H (# 68) on
:
I'm sure 1 Cor 13 wouldn't be so popular at weddings if it began...
And now I will show you the most excellent lay.
Posted by Foaming Draught (# 9134) on
:
Prefiguring Darwinian controversies of two millenia later:
Jesus found a young monkey and sat upon it
Posted by Esmeralda (# 582) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Gill H:
I'm sure 1 Cor 13 wouldn't be so popular at weddings if it began...
And now I will show you the most excellent lay.
Posted by MiceElf (# 4389) on
:
The question about Farting.
Mark 2 v 18.
Some people came to Jesus and asked him " Why is it that the disciples of John the Baptist and the disciples of the Pharisees fart, but yours do not?
Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on
:
Would that it were true!
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on
:
Then I saw in the right hand of him who shat on the throne a scroll with writing on both sides and sealed with seven seals.
Posted by Loveheart (# 12249) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by MiceElf:
The question about Farting.
Mark 2 v 18.
Some people came to Jesus and asked him " Why is it that the disciples of John the Baptist and the disciples of the Pharisees fart, but yours do not?
Must be all that honey and wild locusts!
Posted by Jahlove (# 10290) on
:
for anyone who's ever been cornered by the IT team at the office Xmas party:
So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord and inflicted loathesome bores on Job ...
(Job 2:7)
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
The origins of Star Wars:
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the Darth.
Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on
:
I need a re-fill.
Give ear to my words O Lord, and consider my medication.
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
The Song of Songs, which is Solomon's. 2:14
My beloved is like a dope.
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on
:
While we're on Song of Songs:
My lover speaks; he says to me: Arise, my beloved, my beautiful one, and come! For see, the winter is past, the pains are over and gone.
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
Rev 2:10
Be faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of lice.
Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on
:
St. Matthew 8:23
Then He got into the goat followed by His disciples.
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
Leviticus 25:11
A jubilee shall that fiftieth year be unto you: ye shall pot sow
Posted by Jahlove (# 10290) on
:
Those backyard chores never end:
will multiply your seed for mowing
(2 Cor 9:10)
Posted by Jahlove (# 10290) on
:
Consolation for those whose Toad-in-the-Hole doesn't rise
The end of the batter; all has been heard.
(Ecc k12:13)
Posted by MiceElf (# 4389) on
:
If Only ..........
1 Corinthians 13 v 13
Meanhile these three things remain; faith, hope, and clarity, and the greatest of these is clarity.
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
Hope you have your MasterCard during the rapture...
for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be charged.
Posted by goperryrevs (# 13504) on
:
Genesis 17:4
"As for me, this is my covenant with you: You will be the father of manly nations."
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on
:
Buddhism summarized:
Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Roly Spirit.
[ 02. September 2009, 23:03: Message edited by: Amanda B. Reckondwythe ]
Posted by jawsywales (# 15065) on
:
God arranges the first wrestling bout:
And God said, Let there be fights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night
Posted by Esmeralda (# 582) on
:
You shall now commit adultery.
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
And he shall give his angels charge over you, and they shall beer you up.
Posted by lady in red (# 10688) on
:
Behold, I will stand before you there on the sock in Horeb; and you shall strike the sock, and water will come out of it, that you may drink (Exod 17.6)
Posted by Esmeralda (# 582) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by lady in red:
Behold, I will stand before you there on the sock in Horeb; and you shall strike the sock, and water will come out of it, that you may drink (Exod 17.6)
![[Projectile]](graemlins/puke2.gif)
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
The Lord has magnified my game....
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
And he shall give his angels charge over you, and they shall beer you up.
O my God, I dry out by day, but you do not answer.
Posted by leo (# 1458) on
:
Good Amanda - on the wagon now?
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
Song of Solomon 2:16
My beloved is wine.
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by leo:
Good Amanda - on the wagon now?
Nope: I take Proverbs 20:1 as my text (modified for the thread):
Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler,
And whoever is intoxicated by it is now wise.
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
Whoever finds a wine finds a good thing, and obtains favour from the Lord.
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
Hail, Mary, full of trace....
(One for the blood test?)
[ 05. September 2009, 22:29: Message edited by: jacobsen ]
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on
:
Turning from the art of the sommelier to that of the baker:
Which one of you would hand his son a scone when he asks for a loaf of bread?
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
Agnostic's credo.
With God, all things are. Possibly.
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on
:
(With apologies to Charles Darwin):
And the worm became flesh and dwelt among us.
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
The Almighty steam iron:
In the beginning, God creased the heavens and the earth.
Posted by Orlando098 (# 14930) on
:
17And a voice from heaven said, "This is my Ron, whom I love; with him I am well pleased."
When the day comes, many will say to me: "Lord, lord, did we not prophesy in your name, drive out lemons in your name?"
Anyone who does not take his cress and follow in my footsteps is not worthy of me
he came towards them, walking on the tea
It is easier for a camel to piss through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
One for the coven:
Hail, Mary, full of grace, the lore is with thee.
Posted by Esmeralda (# 582) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Orlando098:
It is easier for a camel to piss through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven
Posted by Esmeralda (# 582) on
:
In the beginning was the Ford.
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on
:
Psalm 33:10 -- Proof that God is a vegetarian. (OK -- I changed two letters.)
The Lord boils the plants of the nations.
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
This might belong in DH:
He said: I am the voice of one crying in the wilderness: Make straight the gay of the LORD
Posted by MiceElf (# 4389) on
:
At his first attempt at genetic engineering Joseph produced a Goat of many colours.
Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on
:
Genesis 1:3
"And God said, Let there be flight: and there was flight."
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
And she said to herself, "If I can just torch his garment, I shall be healed."
Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on
:
For Erin:
Various from Genesis 1.
2And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the Gaters.
6And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the Gaters, and let it divide the Gaters from the Gaters.
7And God made the firmament, and divided the Gaters which were under the firmament from the Gaters which were above the firmament: and it was so.
9And God said, Let the Gaters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so.
20And God said, Let the Gaters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven.
31And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good.
NOTE: this is the King James Version, so, of course, it uses an older spelling of "Gators".
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
Give us this day our daily broad.
Posted by Esmeralda (# 582) on
:
Speak to one another in psalms, hymns and spiritual snogs.
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
One for the ship:
Holy, holy, holy, Lord God of Posts.
Posted by leo (# 1458) on
:
Isaiah 53:6 : All we like sleep (especially if it's with someone nice)
Posted by Pooks (# 11425) on
:
Numbers 10:9
When you go into battle in your own land against an enema who is oppressing you, sound a blast on the trumpets. Then you will be remembered by the LORD your God and rescued from your enemies.
Woohoo! What a relief, eh?
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
2 Timothy 4:7
I have fought the food fight.
Posted by Jahlove (# 10290) on
:
Don't forget the kitchen timer, folks
the bun shall be turned to darkness
Acts 2:20
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
Matthew 14:30
And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the wafer.
Posted by Jahlove (# 10290) on
:
<psst! Mousethief! Don't tell RW >
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
....and blessed is the fruit of thy comb, Jesus.
(Honey child)
Posted by Loveheart (# 12249) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Jahlove:
<psst! Mousethief! Don't tell RW >
Posted by Orlando098 (# 14930) on
:
When you are fisting, do not put on a gloomy look, as the hypocrites do
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
As the heart pants for Walter....
(I know it's two changes, but note how the original feeling is preserved.)
Posted by Orlando098 (# 14930) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
This might belong in DH:
He said: I am the voice of one crying in the wilderness: Make straight the gay of the LORD
Another one for those conservatives in the CofE to point to in the endless debates on gayness... You are good at this Mousethief
quote:
2 Timothy 4:7
I have fought the food fight.
LOL
[ 10. September 2009, 20:50: Message edited by: Orlando098 ]
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
Jesus therefore had seen his mother and the disciple standing, whom he loved, and he saith to his mother, Woman, behold thy sin.
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
Daniel 5:4
They drank wine, and praised the gods of golf.
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
I love the Lord, for he has heard the vice of my supplication.
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
Matthew 8:3
And Jesus put forth his hand, and touched ham, saying, I will; be thou clean.
Posted by Orlando098 (# 14930) on
:
haha. So he was decreeing it would no longer be banned under his new covenant?
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
I just find 'em, I don't interpret 'em.
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
To Yaweh belong earth and all it holds,
the world and all who dive in it;
he himself founded it on the ocean,
based it firmly on the nether sea.
Posted by Nunzia (# 4766) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
Matthew 8:3
And Jesus put forth his hand, and touched ham, saying, I will; be thou clean.
The Curing of the Ham. One of my favorite miracles.
Posted by Nunzia (# 4766) on
:
Many are culled, but few are chosen.
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
Proverbs 17:16
Why is there a prick in the hand of a fool?
Posted by Esmeralda (# 582) on
:
And the earth was without form and void, and the Spirit of God hoovered over the face of the waters.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Isaiah 10: And the spirit of the Lord shall nest upon him.
And don't evangelise in University towns:
Matthew 7: Do not give what is holy to dons.
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
Deliver me out of the mire, and let me not oink.
Ps 69:14
Posted by Jahlove (# 10290) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Loveheart:
quote:
Originally posted by Jahlove:
<psst! Mousethief! Don't tell RW >
Fake, eat, this is my body
(Matt. 26:26)
Vindication for RW? ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
Posted by Orlando098 (# 14930) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
Deliver me out of the mire, and let me not oink.
Ps 69:14
haha I like how you keep finding ones that give the sentence a whole new meaning rather than just being weird
Posted by Orlando098 (# 14930) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Esmeralda:
And the earth was without form and void, and the Spirit of God hoovered over the face of the waters.
Posted by Orlando098 (# 14930) on
:
And I took my stand on the seashore. Then I saw a feast emerge from the sea.
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
Job 9:12
If He tokes away, who can hinder Him? Who can say to Him, ‘What are You doing?’
Posted by Orlando098 (# 14930) on
:
A great and wondrous sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the bun
Posted by Orlando098 (# 14930) on
:
LOL Mousethief, do you have some sort of change-a-letter-Bible software or just too much time on your hands? ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
[I had to look up toke in the urbandictionary ![[Hot and Hormonal]](icon_redface.gif)
]
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
Isaiah 49:6
See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; your balls are continually before Me.
[ETA: just a twisted mind and an online bible lookup engine]
[ 16. September 2009, 20:50: Message edited by: mousethief ]
Posted by Jahlove (# 10290) on
:
<huff!> some of us bother to look up our manual concordances <huff>
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
Luddites.
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
SOS 5:1
I have eaten my honeycomb with my homey.
Posted by Bacchus (# 11408) on
:
Has this been done?
Fisherman's delight:
John 1:1
In the beginning was the Worm, and the Worm was with God, and the Worm was God.
Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on
:
Even men after God's own heart have bad hair days:
2 Sam 19.1
"The king was shaven, and went up to the room over the city gate to weep."
(eta: I can't be bothered even with online tools - I just grabbed a Bible & let it fall open!)
[ 17. September 2009, 00:50: Message edited by: churchgeek ]
Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on
:
OK, so this one makes two changes, but since it's a deuterocanonical text, I trust that's OK.
1 Maccabees 8.17-18:
"So Judas chose Eupolemus, son of John, son of Accos, and Jason, son of Eleazar, and sent them to Rome to establish an alliance of friendship with them. He did this to get rid of the yokel, for it was obvious that the kingdom of the Geeks was subjecting Israel to slavery."
Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on
:
I needed a chuckle, so I did another "open the Bible & point" and here it is:
Daniel 4.19 - Speaking twuth to power? Or just confusing a monarch?
"You are that twee, O king, large and strong!"
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
I don't mean to say she's fat, but...
Jeremiah 48:32
Your pants have gone over the sea, they reach to the sea of Jazer.
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
from Psalm 1
Their delight is in the flaw of the Lord
And they meditate on his flaw day and night.
Posted by goperryrevs (# 13504) on
:
For those with impressive flatulence, 1 Corinthians 12:20.
"As it is, there are many farts, but one body."
Posted by andythehat (# 10399) on
:
Song of Solomon 1:2
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than mine.
Posted by andythehat (# 10399) on
:
John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his wife for his friends.
1 Corinthians 13:13
And now these three remain: faith, dope and love
Jude 1:11
Woe to them! They have taken the way of Cain; they have rushed for profit into Balaam's error; they have been destroyed in Koran's rebellion.
![[Yipee]](graemlins/spin.gif)
I like this game!
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by andythehat:
John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his wife for his friends.
Well done!
Posted by andythehat (# 10399) on
:
Aw shucks....
Ephesians 6:10
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty tower.
[ 27. September 2009, 11:00: Message edited by: andythehat ]
Posted by andythehat (# 10399) on
:
And the Angel of Death pissed over the children of Israel...
Posted by andythehat (# 10399) on
:
And the angel of death pissed over the children of Israel.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Job 38:6-7
On what were its bases sunk, or who lay its cornerstone,
when the moaning stars sang together...
There's always someone to complain.
Posted by Loveheart (# 12249) on
:
Song of Songs 8:6, for anyone who is feeling a little tired and needs a rest:
"Set me as a seat upon your heart, as a seat upon your arm"
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
Bury 'em deep.
Rev 13:11
Then I saw another breast coming up out of the earth.
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
One for the comedy club:
I was like a gentle lamb led to the laughter.
Posted by goperryrevs (# 13504) on
:
Did you know Elijah dabbled in double-glazing?
"Yet Elijah was not sent to any of them, but to a window in Zarephath in the region of Sidon."
Luke 4:26
Posted by Esmeralda (# 582) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by andythehat:
And the Angel of Death pissed over the children of Israel...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
Those conflicts and disputes among you, where do they come from? Do they not come from your ravings that are at war within you?
(James 4:1)
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
I'll get you, my pretty, and your little duck, too!
Deut 32:25
The sword without, and terror within, shall destroy both the young man and the virgin, the duckling also with the man of gray hairs.
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
Footballer's memorial:
Jeremiah 11:19
Let us cut him off from the land of the living so that his game will no longer be remembered.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
I saw all deeds that are done under the sun; and see, all is vanity and a chasing after wine.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Also, from Ecclesiastics 2:
I searched with my mind how to cheer my body with swine.
And it seems Solomon had a dirty raincoat:
I got singers, both men and women, and delights of the flash, and many concubines.
Posted by Esmeralda (# 582) on
:
One for the financial crisis:
You are beautiful as Tirzah, my love, comely as Jerusalem, terrible as an army with bankers (Song of Songs 6.4)
Posted by Pooks (# 11425) on
:
Highway to heaven?
Philippians 1:28
This is a sign to them that they will be destroyed, but that you will be paved—and that by God. ![[Paranoid]](graemlins/paranoid.gif)
Posted by Wesley J (# 6075) on
:
Alternative punishment:
When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without pin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." (John 8:7b)
Posted by Esmeralda (# 582) on
:
The word that came to Jeremiah from the Lord: 'Come go down to the rotter's house and there I will let you hear my words.'
Posted by andythehat (# 10399) on
:
Brothers, do not be children in your thinking. Be in pants in evil, but in your thinking be mature.
(1 Corinthians 14:20 ESV)
One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that you, O God, are string.
(Psalm 62:11)
Keep your lives free from the love of monkey,and be content with what you have
(Hebrews 13:5)
Posted by Esmeralda (# 582) on
:
An oldie but a goodie from Adrian Plass:
They mocked him, and called out 'He shaved others, himself he cannot shave'.
Posted by The Amazing Mavis (# 5077) on
:
This is hilarious. I can't believe you've got me looking up bible verses. But, here goes:
Isa 26:3: On how to keep your man happy
You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he thrusts in you.
Self-gratification is OK
Deuteronomy 2:7
For the Lord thy God hath blessed thee in all the works of thy hand: he knoweth thy wanking ..
Posted by The Amazing Mavis (# 5077) on
:
... And they made their wives bitter with hard bondage
Therefore God give thee of the dew of heaven, and the fatness of the earth, and plenty of porn and wine
And he said, Behold, I have heard that there is porn in Egypt: get you down thither, and buy for us from thence.
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
Ps. 40:3
He hath put a new dong in my mouth.
Posted by Esmeralda (# 582) on
:
No, no, surely that's 'He hath put a new bong in my mouth'?
Posted by andythehat (# 10399) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Esmeralda:
No, no, surely that's 'He hath put a new bong in my mouth'?
![[Overused]](graemlins/notworthy.gif)
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
Ezekiel 24:9
I also will make the pipe great.
Genesis 29:28
An Jacob did so, and fulfilled her weed.
Genesis 37:29
And Reuben returned to the pot.
Posted by Esmeralda (# 582) on
:
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not wank.
© Ship of Fools 2016
UBB.classicTM
6.5.0