Ship of Fools: Circus: The Elegance of Language

Thread: Circus: The Elegance of Language Board: Limbo / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

Going on one of my favourite walks, I found myself smiling again at the notice pinned to a gate which says 'Please ensure gate closure'. Not satisfied with a mere 'Shut the gate!' the notice-poster is obviously a person of fine words.

Can you think of other examples of how language can be used elegantly, rather than bluntly, to get a message across. The next poster can provide a more eloquent way of saying:

Shut up!

and then post their own instruction or phrase to be beautified.

[ 12. February 2012, 01:03: Message edited by: Imaginary Friend ]

Posted by Jengie Jon (# 273) on :

When I was on Iona as a vollie one of the maintenance vollie's was I think German. Therefore when he painted a bench the notice did not say "Wet Paint" it said "Sticky"

Jengie

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chorister:
Shut up!

Refrain from further locution

Is that the kind of thing you mean?

Dogs must be carried

Posted by PeteC (# 10422) on :

Please ensure that your canine companion is cradled in your arms.

Queue up!

Posted by BessHiggs (# 15176) on :

AS music sooths the savage breast, so too shall the formation of an orderly line quell the unease of a random gathering.

All employees must wash their hands before returning to work.

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :

[tangent]

quote:
Originally posted by Dafyd:
Dogs must be carried ...

What if I haven't got a dog? [Frown]

[/tangent OFF]

Back to the game:

The return to a hygienic condition of the manual extremities is required in preparation for the resumption of operational activities.

Keep off the grass

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :

Kindly avoid applying pedal extremities to the lawn.

Go boil your head.

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

Please apply wet heat to your head until it is suitably soft.

Stop teasing the baby!

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

Kindly refrain from tantalizing the toddler.

No Smoking

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

I rather like the French turn of phrase: 'Defense de fumer', but given that we have to post in English:

All persons are kindly requested to ensure that no noxious substance enters their oral orifice.

Keep clear!

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

Do not crowd the area in front of you.

Silence in the library

Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :

This place of literary excellence and learning is not a place for auditory exclamation.

No Entry

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

We invite you to consider, and hopefully enjoy, the experience of considering and deciding on an alternative route of ingress, as this one is currently unavailable.

I don't want to dance with you.

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

No one can answer that one better than Jerome Kern and Oscar Hammerstein.

Slight tangent -- I've always been amused by the "Elopement Precaution" sign posted in hospital mental wards. In other words, be careful of who might follow you out the door.

No right turn on red

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :

Dextral progress is forbidden in the presence of rubineous luminescence.

Beware of the dog

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

Be cognizant of the fact that a canine dwells here which is not a dog that would be classified at the Westminster Dog Show as a "toy" but rather as a "working dog"- an alert, large breed specifically working security. Our security not yours.

Trespassers will be prosecuted

Posted by Chelley (# 11322) on :

Arrestment warning: desist your presence here!

Smart dress only

Posted by Bob Two-Owls (# 9680) on :

Evidence of elegance essential.

Danger 10000 volts

Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on :

Excuse us, madam or sir, but the thing you are looking at is carrying an extremely large amount of electrical current; touching, licking, or otherwise interacting with it would be inadvisable.

Yield to pedestrians in crosswalk

Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :

At the point where the hard, metal cans that you are propelling meet with the soft, squishy elements attempting a traversal, allow the squishiness in preference to your metalicity.

Private - staff only

[ 17. October 2011, 18:44: Message edited by: Schroedinger's cat ]

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :

Employees of this business have the privilege of using this space without intrusion.

If you can read this notice you are driving too close

Posted by Taliesin (# 14017) on :

Kindly decrease your proximity until these words are no longer clearly visible.

No food or drink inside.

Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on :

Please feel free to enjoy the food and beverage items of your choice before entering this establishment.

Trespassers will be shot

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

Uninvited visitors will suddenly be well-ventilated.

We reserve the right to refuse service to anybody.

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :

Employees of this establishment are the final arbiters of the suitability of potential clientele.

No smoking

Posted by Bob Two-Owls (# 9680) on :

A pipe of baccy rich and thick
fills any man with cheer
but also makes the ladies sick
so kindly don't smoke here

Contains small parts

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

Please keep this product from young children who tend to put everything in their mouths. And adults who gnaw on pens and pencils.

Don't make me tell you again, young man!

Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :

While I - and clearly you - delight in the sound of my voice, and the necessity to replicate previous utterances of mine for the sake of enabling your time-limited brain to obtain the truth of my words.

Warning - pickpockets operate in this area

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

Keep watch of your pockets and bags, for undesirables with intent to steal from them may be within the vicinity.

Keep your dog on a lead

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :

Canine quadrupeds must be suitably restrained.

Buy one, get one free

Posted by jbohn (# 8753) on :

Kind sir or madam, if you should (wisely, in my opinion) choose to purchase one of these items, please know that you shall, indeed, receive another, or second, one of them at no further expense to you.

Turn off cellphones.

Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
Warning - pickpockets operate in this area

I was thinking "mind the gap" or "Metro opens doors" myself.

Anyhoo, let's go with "Please, for the sake of all involved, depower all portable communications devices. Yes, you. Yes, that device. Yes, really. No, "silent" does not count. Yes, now."

Mind the gap

[ 19. October 2011, 06:00: Message edited by: AristonAstuanax ]

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

When alighting from this conveyance, please be aware that there is no continuous solid ground and therefore no continuous safe passage between this conveyance and the nearest platform.

stop, look, listen, before you cross the road

Posted by ken (# 2460) on :

This one is real, and was once visible on tens of thousands of noticeboards and timetables all over the British railway system:

quote:

ADVICE OF SHORT PLATFORMS
A train may, on occasions, be formed with more coaches than can be accommodated at some stations during the course of its journey. Before alighting, passengers should take care to ensure that the station platform is immediately adjacent.

Posted by Pax Romana (# 4653) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chorister:
...
stop, look, listen, before you cross the road

We advise you to desist walking and ascertain if any wheeled vehicles are likely to squash you into an unrecognizable mess before you attempt to put yourself in front of said vehicles.

Fire Door - Keep Closed

Pax Romana

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

This entrance must not be left ajar, for it has been designed to prevent the spread of flames in case of fire.

No noise after 11pm

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :

Sixty minutes prior to the stroke of midnight is the appropriate time to commence refrainment from disruptively audible activities.

Yankee Go Home

Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :

The Northeastern part of the United States is, I am told, a delightful, pleasant place to be. I am told that New England is beautiful in the fall. In fact, seeing as you originate from there, you would know all of this, and I am sure that you would be delighted to return.

Now please wash your hands

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

Please would all those using the facilities ensure that they perform stringent manual ablutions using the provided basin, soap dispenser, water and fluffy towel, before exiting.

caution hot water

[ 22. October 2011, 11:48: Message edited by: Chorister ]

Posted by agrgurich (# 5724) on :

As you consider the proprtties of this H2O, please pondfr the possibility that its temprtature msy spprosch that of lava.

post no bills

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

The notice board that you see before you is for the benefit of the local community. Therefore we must politely request that you refrain from attaching any notices of payment to the board.

Take your shoes off indoors

Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :

Kindly differentiate between outer wear and inner wear, in perticular with reference to foot coverings, when transitioning between the external and internal environments.

Nothing to declare

Posted by St. Gwladys (# 14504) on :

Only use this method of egress if you are not carrying any items of contraband material or are carrying no more than the permitted levels of taxable commodities.

may contain nuts

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
This place of literary excellence and learning is not a place for auditory exclamation.

But what if you discover something that will absolutely rock your little sub-section of your broader section of the academic world?

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

quote:
Originally posted by St. Gwladys:
may contain nuts

Perchance you shall find in this product some fragments of the fruit of a nut tree, which, if your immune system is prone to misinterpret as a threat, you ought to avoid.

Hard hat area

[ 22. October 2011, 20:22: Message edited by: churchgeek ]

Posted by no_prophet (# 15560) on :

quote:
Hard hat area

Cranial armour in the form of an approved chapeau is considered essential in the present environs.

Water under the bridge.

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

quote:
Originally posted by no_prophet:

Water under the bridge.

Shame we are restricted to English, Aqua sub pontis has a ring to it. Oh well, here goes.

The structure by which one may proceed from this side of the stream, river or canal passes over said interruption to passage on dry land.

Horses for courses.

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :

The appropriate variety of equine quadruped is recommended for the desired event outcome.

Keep left (on the road)

Posted by Pax Romana (# 4653) on :

When operating an automobile, you must maneuver the vehicle over to the left side of the road you are traveling on and remain on the left side of the road for the duration of your journey.*

No food or beverages allowed

Pax Romana

*However, if you are operating an automobile in the United States, you had better move over to the right side of the road if you want to avoid some very nasty consequences.

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :

Material intended for consumption via the oral orifice should be kept away from these premises

Rule Britannia

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

We wish to affirm the sovereign rights of the lady - admittedly symbolic - whose standard graces our native British land.

No ball games in this area.

Posted by St. Gwladys (# 14504) on :

No amusements or leisure activities or contests of skill involving spherical objects are permitted within this geographical location

No litter

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

The deposition and dispersion of detritus are definitely discouraged.

No hawkers.

Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :

Please gob elsewhere.

or, more seriously

While we are grateful for the personal attention that is involved in your bringing goods for purchase to my door, this is not an approach that will appeal to me. Therefore, kindly desist from attempting such sales at this doorway.

This Page Intentially Left Blank

Posted by Pax Romana (# 4653) on :

This is to inform you that the lack of text on this page does not in any way infer that we are withholding information from you. We are simply of the opinion that the document looks better this way.

No graffiti!

Pax Romana

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

The use of spray paint to daub writing over the wall in this location is strictly forbidden.

No alcohol sold to under-18's

Posted by BessHiggs (# 15176) on :

Please be advised that persons under the legal age of majority in this municipality will be denied the opportunity to purchase fermented or distilled intoxicating beverages.

No shoes, no shirt, no service

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

This establishment withholds its services from those whose nipples and/or pinky toes are visible to the casual observer within these premises.

Ring bell for service

[ 23. October 2011, 23:59: Message edited by: churchgeek ]

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :

In order to partake of our excellent range of facilities, a modicum of light campanology is requested.

These doors are alarmed

Posted by Pax Romana (# 4653) on :

Please be forewarned that, should you decide to try to enter or exit through these doors, you will activate an eardrum-splitting noise which will arouse and annoy every living thing within a very large radius.

Or, alternatively: These entrance and exit devices are of a nervous and hysterical temperament and have been recently frightened. (Sorry. I couldn't resist.)

You eat every bit of food on your plate!

Pax Romana

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

The meal presented before you must be consumed in all its entirety, with not a crumb left behind.

Please shower before entering the pool

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

Despite the phrase "going bathing at the pool", the pool, in fact, is not a bath, and in the interest of fairness and not impugning any individual's hygiene, this establishment requires all swimmers to use its showers before swimming here.

All fines doubled in roadwork zone

Posted by BessHiggs (# 15176) on :

Please be advised that all monetary fines will increase twofold should one fail to obey posted ordinaces in an area where workers are, may be, or will be present.

Falling Rock Zone

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :

[tangent]

quote:
Originally posted by Pax Romana:
... Or, alternatively: These entrance and exit devices are of a nervous and hysterical temperament and have been recently frightened. (Sorry. I couldn't resist.)

I'm so glad someone else thinks as I do. [Smile]

[/tangent]

Back to the game, Bess Higgs wrote: Falling Rock Zone

Please exercise extreme caution in this region, as the effect of gravity upon unattached parts of the landscape may prove perilous.

Caution: heavy plant crossing

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

This junction is used by vehicles of large mass, accessing the work area adjacent. Please proceed with caution.

No children on the building site

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :

Juvenile persons not allowed in construction areas.

Remain seated until the plane reaches the gate

Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :

Despite the fact that we have landed, and we realise that you have a strong desire to disembark, this is not advised. Rather, if you would remain in a seated position for a short tims further, until the aeroplane has completed its journey right the way up to the disembarkation point, it would be greatly appreciated.

Unless you are a haemorroid, get off my ass

Posted by St. Gwladys (# 14504) on :

if you are not actually an irritating medical condition generally found in the anal area, please remove yourself from my posterior

corrosive

Posted by no_prophet (# 15560) on :

quote:
Originally posted by St. Gwladys:
corrosive

The substance herein will digest objects and body parts immersed within.

Talk softly and carry a big stick

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :

Jurisdictions within the general vicinity of the United States should govern themselves with the expectation that genteel diplomacy will invariably be accompanied by ominous displays of military might.

An eye for an eye

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

Retribution will be in kind.

Sidewalk closed
Cross here

[ 26. October 2011, 22:06: Message edited by: churchgeek ]

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :

The pavement ceases.
Wind blows leaves across the road.
Cross over with them.

Do not ask for credit as refusal often offends

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :

Kindly pay cash upon receipt of services.

No loitering

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :

quote:

No loitering

Please ensure that the duration of your stay in this establishment does not grossly exceed the amount of time required to purchase and/or consume the product(s) you have selected.

Bomb 'em back to the Stone Age!

(some uncorrected code was loitering, so I bombed it back to the Stone Age)

[ 27. October 2011, 19:41: Message edited by: Chorister ]

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

Might I suggest that you jettison your airborne explosive devices over the target in a way which causes such damage to the ambient infrastructure that life in the affected area will perforce have to continue at the most basic level of human existence.

Parent and baby parking only.

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

This area of the car park is for use only by those who have with them a small child.

Knock before entering

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

Please ensure that you knuckles make contact with the wood in the hole before turning the entrance handle.

Don't be a jerk!

Posted by Pax Romana (# 4653) on :

Please conduct yourself in a manner befitting a thoughtful, well-bred person and endeavor not to give offense to those who have occasion to partake of your companionship.

Keep your hands to yourself!

Pax Romana

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

The extremities of your arms must remain outside of your neighbour's personal space and very much within only your own personal space.

Do not cross the railway

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :

This area is for trains: reserve it for them.

Mind the gap!

Posted by Pax Romana (# 4653) on :

When disembarking from your train, do not insert the forepart of your foot into the space between the train and the platform. You might receive an unnecessary, and undesired, foot amputation.

Take this only as directed by your doctor

Pax Romana

Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :

Ensure that the instructions of your physician are followed precisely in the ingestion of this medication.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :

We wish you a most hearty and enjoyable celebration of the Feast of the Incarnation of our Most Blessed Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, and that the coming solar circuit be filled with great prosperity and joy.

Close cover before striking

Posted by Pax Romana (# 4653) on :

Do not attempt to light this match without first inserting the end of the cardboard cover into the slot, thereby covering the remaining matches and avoiding the possibility of a spontaneous combustion.

Coffee in ten minutes, Elizabeth! (Mrs. Bucket, of course)

Pax Romana

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :

In a sixth of an hour, my neighbour, you shall be given a beaker with a warm brown liquid in it.

That's not the way I heard it!

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :

My aural faculties are functioning differently from yours.

Close the door on your way out.

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

Upon exiting the building, please ensure that you close the door.

Everything in the shop £1

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :

Any item in this vending establishment will cost more than 99 pence, and less than one pound and one pence.

Banned in Boston

[ 20. November 2011, 10:43: Message edited by: Stetson ]

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :

(Oh, and I hope I got the monetary terminoligy right for my "one pound" line. Apologies if otherwise.)

Posted by Pre-cambrian (# 2055) on :

Henceforward it will no longer be permitted to bring any product listed in the Schedule to this Order into a depressed port in south-eastern Lincolnshire, or to use it therein.

political correctness gone mad

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :

Attempts to expurgate from language and culture all content that might provoke uneasiness in the sensibliities of marginalized-status groups and/or contribute to the further marginalization of said groups have now reached a point that may be compared without exaggeration to a condition comparable to those listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition(DSM-IV).

Come here and say that!!!

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :

Visit me and converse!

Come up with a new paradigm.

Posted by Yorick (# 12169) on :

quote:
Originally posted by no_prophet:

quote:
Hard hat area
Cranial armour in the form of an approved chapeau is considered essential in the present environs.

Genius.

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :

Could we please carry on with the current page instead of being bloody rude and irrelevant?

Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Sir Kevin:
Could we please carry on with the current page instead of being bloody rude and irrelevant?

Hosting!
Sir Kevin, no matter what you nominate yourself for, you are not, in fact, a host. Please leave that to the people whose names are listed at the top of the board.
AA, Circus Host

Posted by Pax Romana (# 4653) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Sir Kevin:
Visit me and converse!

Come up with a new paradigm.

Please take time to do a study and some research, after which you will present us with an example of a model we have never seen before.

Marry in haste, repent at leisure.

Pax Romana

Posted by Yorick (# 12169) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Sir Kevin:
Could we please carry on with the current page instead of being bloody rude and irrelevant?

I guess you think I was being sarcastic, but that is not so. No_prophet's post really did make me laugh a lot, and I find it extremely clever. I was late finding this thread and it had moved on since his post, but I really wanted to show my appreciation for it (even though that, in and of itself, was not relevant to the playing of the game). Sorry for any upset.

Posted by Pre-cambrian (# 2055) on :

In response to Pax humana:

A precipitate accession to conjugal felicity may, in the fullness of time, give way to a belated recognition that the expectation of felicity was in fact infelicitous.

The Vicar of Christ

Posted by Wm Dewy (# 16712) on :

The Vicar of Christ

The representative for the anointed One.

- We occasionally confuse obfuscation for elegance.

[ 27. November 2011, 10:40: Message edited by: Wm Dewy ]

Posted by Wm Dewy (# 16712) on :

The Vicar of Christ

The representative for the anointed One.

First things first

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :

(Dewy had writted "first things first")

Sequential priority should be incorporated into any rendering of actions.

There oughta be a law against that!

[ 27. November 2011, 17:33: Message edited by: Stetson ]

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

Legislators should draft and enact a formal ban on that.

Occupy Wall Street.

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :

The street that serves as the symbol, and to some extent actual headquarters, of global capitalism should be placed under the jurisdiction of an external power.

Outta my way!

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :

Would you please be so kind as to not impede my continued progress?

George - don't do that.

Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Dafyd:

George - don't do that.

George, I would be much obliged if you would kindly refrain from the activity in which you are currently engaged and instead find one which meets commonly accepted standards of behaviour.

Do not feed the troll

[ 29. November 2011, 13:38: Message edited by: Stejjie ]

Posted by Pax Romana (# 4653) on :

This internet forum community would be greatly obliged if you would refrain from posting any answers in response to the inflammatory statements that have been posted by the forum ass, who derives pleasure from the stirring up of negative emotions.

Beware of the dog!

Pax Romana

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

Please ensure your safety whilst around the canine.

One way street

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :

It is unlawful to transport your vehicle down this urban thoroughfare in a direction other than the one in which you are currently going.

Boooring!!

(as shouted by a bored attendee at a show or lecture)

[ 29. November 2011, 19:46: Message edited by: Stetson ]

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :

You are not at present engaging my attention.

I'll be back.

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :

I likely shall be returning to this location.

Cover your mouth when coughing!

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

Please place a barrier such as a hand or handkerchief over your mouth as you suddenly expel air, spittle, and a hacking sound.

RSVP

Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on :

We would be most gratified if you could respond to this invitation, positively or negatively, in a prompt manner.

(French optional...).

Go to sleep!

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

It is important to engage in nocturnal restfulness at this point in time.

Coffee with 2 sugars please

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :

Kindly ruin my health with over-sweetening.

Keep off the Grass

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :

Please avoid physical contact with the decorative vegetation covering the front yard.

Speed kills

Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :

An excess of velocity is liable to result in an untimely and early demise, and termination of the current vital state.

With regret, your fired

Posted by Pax Romana (# 4653) on :

Although, for form's sake, we will at least pretend to be sorry about this, we are informing you that we will no longer be paying you for whatever you have been doing here. We would appreciate it if you would remove all personal belongings from your desk and exit the premises.

Stop hitting your little brother!

Pax Romana

Posted by Silver Faux (# 8783) on :

Cease and desist striking your small sniffling sibling, since your sister seems to sense she should also slam the little shit.

Time to change the kitti litter.

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :

The malodorous emanations from the feline waste receptacle compel a removal and replenishment of its primary receptive substance.

Can I get an "Amen" here!

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :

May we close this prayer and end this preaching?

Wise up!

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :

Acquaint yourself more intimately with the relevant facts of the situation.

We're here, we're queer, get used to it

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

As we are in this place, and proud to be LGBT, you had better get used to it.

Vegetarian option available

(Sorry, I am cooking dinner right now so food is what is on my mind [Devil]

)

Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on :

An alternative dish may be requested by those who, for whatever reason, do not wish to partake of those items from the menu which contain meat products.

Don't stop me now!

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :

Refrain from effecting a cessation of my current course of action.

Party till you drop

Posted by Pax Romana (# 4653) on :

Go to a location where people are indulging in copious amounts of food and alcoholic beverages and moving about rhythmically while listening to music. Join them in the above activities and continue until you lose consciousness.

Don't play with matches!

Pax Romana

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :

Combustible sulphur-ended sticks are not intended for recreational purposes.

Make love, not war.

Posted by St. Gwladys (# 14504) on :

Copulation is to be preferred to armed aggression

Too many cooks spoil the broth

Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :

An excess of preperation agent has a tendency to cause undesirable effects on the stew being generated.

Klaatu barada nikto

Posted by Pax Romana (# 4653) on :

Please bring your dead alien friend back to life and refrain from destroying the planet known as Earth.

Please speak clearly.

Pax Romana

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

Please enunciate with well-formed embouchure, using received pronunciation, correct BBC speech and the Queen's English.

Fear Not

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :

Elimimate trepidation from your emotional repertoire.

No Irish need apply

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

Those living in the green and pleasent land of Ireland should not consider applying for the post in question.

Service at 10:30am

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :

Church is when?
Half past ten.

AM/PM?
Carpe Diem.

My way or the highway

[ 12. December 2011, 12:44: Message edited by: Stetson ]

Posted by Pax Romana (# 4653) on :

Please do everything as I have instructed or be kind enough to leave my presence. In addition, please do not attempt to influence anyone else not to follow my instructions or there will be undesirable consequences.

Shut up and go to bed!

Pax Romana

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :

Pipe down and sleep!

No spitting

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :

Expectoration is disallowed

This is none of your business. Go away.

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

Our conversation is not intended to fall upon your ears, so please vacate the area in which you are currently standing.

Caution, ice on the road

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :

Don't be foolish enough to drive here at this time of year.

Curves Ahead

Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :

Dolly Parton in the building.

Your buisness is important to us

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :

We are highly motivated by the prospect of pecunary transfer from you to us.

Mission accomplised.

Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on :

We have achieved that which we set out to achieve.
(Unless spoken from an aircraft carrier. In May 2003. By a US President. Allegedly.)

Keeeeeeep Dancing!

Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :

Continue your activity taking predefined steps around a floor, holding your body in similarly predefined ways. Repeat until Christmas. If you are lucky Daaaahling.

we don't do gimmicks

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :

Ostentatiously clever stunts calculated to garner public interest are excluded from our behavioural range.

Go ahead, make my day.

Posted by Pax Romana (# 4653) on :

If you attempt what I think you are about to attempt I will react in a rather violent way and will take great enjoyment in doing so.

Don't even think about it!

Pax Romana

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

Please detract your mind from focussing on this action.

Closed due to adverse weather conditions

Posted by St. Gwladys (# 14504) on :

This location is closed to the general public due to inclement meteorlogical occurences.

Away in a manger

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :

(Going with the popular definition of "manger", which wikipedia tells me is incorrect...)

At some distance from our present location, and situated in a residential structure for farm and/or herd animals.

Hark! The herald angels sing

Posted by Apocalypso (# 15405) on :

Attention! Heavenly winged messengers will now vocalize melodically.

Mind the gap.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

Be very offended that a shop selling fashion items is opening up in this vicinity - in fact right at your very feet.

54321 Blast Off!

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :

Senses. Corners of the world. Little Pigs. Ronnies. Singular sensation. Initiate a propulsed trajectory towards the firmament.

I can outdrink any man in the house!!

Posted by Pax Romana (# 4653) on :

I firmly believe that I have the capability to drink more alcohol than any male human being who is in this abode at the present time, and still retain control of my physical and mental faculties.

Don't eat that now! We are having dinner in fifteen minutes!

Pax Romana

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