Thread: Alien Household Objects Board: Heaven / Ship of Fools.


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Posted by Graven Image (# 8755) on :
 
I have had a tablespoon in my house for about 30 years now. It does not match my tableware and I have no idea where it came from. I also found a table cloth among my stash that I have no memory of ever buying, and it is not the correct size for any of my tables. Finally I seem to have collected a rather large number of tape measures over the years.

Shipmates do you have any alien household objects that have landed in your abode?

[ 27. July 2017, 18:30: Message edited by: Graven Image ]
 
Posted by M. (# 3291) on :
 
We were burgled last year; everything was pulled out of a cupboard, which meant - horrors! - it had to be given a long overdue tidy.

I discovered I have an impressive collection of hair grips - packets & packets of 'em - but I never use them...

M.
 
Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
I have one of those teaspoons that nobody recognizes. I think my infant son swiped it at a restaurant. I tried to take it back to the likely place, but they've changed patterns already...
 
Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
A lovely, heavy, old-fashioned serving-spoon bearing the initials "H P P" (which don't belong to anyone in the family) turned up in the Ancestral Pile in Orkney; as far as I know, nobody knows how it got there.

[ 27. July 2017, 22:13: Message edited by: Piglet ]
 
Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
Miss Manners once suggested you ought to make up wild and crazy tales about an ancestor (sadly deceased) by those initials.
 
Posted by Galloping Granny (# 13814) on :
 
Not an ancient relic but a welcome one.
I have several pairs of cheap but effective reading glasses kept where they might be needed: by the bed, in the car (which I try to remember to take into the doctor's waiting room so that I can read the New Yorker), in the bag I take to church.
A pair suddenly appeared on the table by the front door, where temporary articles are supposed to be put but some last for quite a while. It's become relatively clear lately, but no visitors who have been here lately have put it there.
So it has replaced the one in the car, which tended to fall off my nose anyway. Alas, the doctor was right on time this morning, so I only got half way through an article.

GG
 
Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
About 20 years ago, on New Year's Day in the morning, I went out into the front yard and found a copper saucepan in the grass. It is a small one but clearly very expensive, one of those ones with a tinned inside. It is probably part of a very costly set. There seemed nothing to be done with it (clearly the squirrels were not going to use it) but take it inside, wash it, and use it. I have it still. I can construct a scenario of how it got onto my front lawn (inebriated New Year's celebrant flinging pan out of car window after a pot-luck party for which this pan held the sauce vor the cherries jubilee) but no one has ever come looking for it.
 
Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
How. Awesome.

Around our house, I'm sorry to say, the alien objects are generally underwear.

No, I have NO idea how or why that is the case.

Most of them are children's underwear, which I suppose may have some connection with my great nephews who stay here weekly. But what really stumps me are the occasional tighty-brighties (usually dayglo colors) which turn up in the laundry. NOBODY wears those in this family. There is a grandparent who does, but he hasn't been here for a few years.... My housekeeping isn't that crappy, is it?
 
Posted by aizen (# 18794) on :
 
I shudder to think what I would find in the drawers and cabinets that have not opened in quite a time. I might find some great treasures though.
 
Posted by Roseofsharon (# 9657) on :
 
Mr RoS is something of a "snapper-up of unconsidered trifles" (not so far as stealing them, but if anything is being given away, or clearly long-lost he brings it home).. Unfortunately he also has a very bad short-term memory, so if asked - "what's this woolly hat doing in the washing basket?" or "where did this odd spoon in the cutlery drawer come from?" he has no knowledge of it .
Consequently many alien objects pop up around our house.
Most get exported to one charity shop or another, or snuck out to the dustbin.
 
Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :
 
A friend found an odd serving spoon in his house once. He thought it looked like my flatware pattern, and assumed it was mine. It wasn't but he gave it to me, and I use it frequently!
 
Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Galloping Granny:
Alas, the doctor was right on time this morning, so I only got half way through an article.

GG

I am impressed! A doctor that is not only on time, but also has decent reading material
[Eek!]

Mine has women's magazines so old that they contain announcements of engagements of celebrities whose divorces have just hit the newspaper headlines.

Huia
 
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
I tend to accumulate keys. The bottom drawer of my night table contains several keys, the locks to which they fit, I haven't the faintest notion.
 
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :
 
For a time, our house was a way station for towels. We lost towels, only to have them replaced with towels we had never seen and certainly would never have bought. For example Josephine bought me a lovely towel embossed with "42" on my 42nd birthday, and within a couple of years it was replaced by a bright purple thing of completely unknown provenance. This stopped happening after our two oldest left home.
 
Posted by leo (# 1458) on :
 
I'm convinced there's a black hole in my kitchen.

[ 28. July 2017, 16:53: Message edited by: leo ]
 
Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
There is an actual story (I think authored by Theodore Sturgeon) which postulates that paperclips mate, in the backs of kitchen drawers. Their larval form is wire coat hangers and as I recall the mature form is rusty bicycles.
 
Posted by Sparrow (# 2458) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
There is an actual story (I think authored by Theodore Sturgeon) which postulates that paperclips mate, in the backs of kitchen drawers. Their larval form is wire coat hangers and as I recall the mature form is rusty bicycles.

No, ballpoint pens!
 
Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
Would that they were. I could use a couple hundred ballpoint pens.

Instead, what do I get? Chopsticks. Cheap ones, dog nibbled, which don't match.

Gaaaaaah.
 
Posted by Adeodatus (# 4992) on :
 
I think I might be at the other end of the cutlery wormhole. I don't have a problem with things inexplicably turning up, I have a problem with things inexplicably vanishing. A set of 6 knives is currently down to four. Forks, three. I know the dishwasher hasn't claimed them because I think dishwashers are the ultimate depth of decadence and won't have one in the house. And I know my friends aren't stealing them because the knives and forks are stainless steel, and I'm proud to say my friends would steal nothing less than Georgian silver.
 
Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
When we run thin on crockery and cutlery I go explore my son's room.
A comic that shows what I mean.
 
Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Sparrow:
quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
There is an actual story (I think authored by Theodore Sturgeon) which postulates that paperclips mate, in the backs of kitchen drawers. Their larval form is wire coat hangers and as I recall the mature form is rusty bicycles.

No, ballpoint pens!
No no - ballpoint pens do the opposite of mating - they just disappear without trace.
 
Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
The teaspoons are in the compost heap.

When we turned out my Dad's house we found an odd thing in the drawer in the kitchen for odd things. It had a wooden handle, and a metal shaft like that of a screwdriver. On the end of the shaft was a flat disc with a number of indentations of various sizes around its circumference. The indentations were partial circles. After a long search, with photographs posted, we came to the conclusion that it was for scraping the rods of a barbecue grill. Except that he had no barbecue.
 
Posted by MaryLouise (# 18697) on :
 
Oh, yes. In a kitchen drawer I came across a vintage ceramic pie funnel or vent in the shape of a small white elephant with upturned trunk.

These pie funnels were made by Nutbrown, an English company manufacturing kitchenware based in Walker Street, Blackpool, in the 1930s. Their utensils were exported all over the world.

For a long time this pie funnel stood on the windowsill above the sink and was referred to as 'dust-collector' or 'wots-it'. It looked pretty and I had no idea what it was. Eventually, I examined it more closely and looked it up online. Pie vents or pie funnels were once very popular right across British colonies. They are still used. After a dish is lined with pastry crust, the funnel is placed into the centre, the filling is added, and the top crust is molded around the figurine. While baking, the hollow of the pie funnel allows steam to escape the filling and prevents juices from overflowing in the oven.

I assume this little ceramic elephant was brought in from the garden by a dog digging for bones. The house I live in is about a century old and someone in the 1930s might have baked pies with it.
 
Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
/tangent alert/

My old Mum used ceramic and/or enamel pie funnels (she died in 2004), and I still have some of them (alas, no elephant-shaped ones, though.) They are, I believe, quite sought after by kitchenware aficionados, so don't chuck it out.

IJ
 
Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
(Just spotted Penny's post).

The flat disc you mentioned may have been a knitting-needle gauge i.e. to check you have the right size needle. My old Mum had one, she being a great knitter, as well as pie-maker (see above).

IJ
 
Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
Are the half-circle cut-outs the same size? Then it can't be a knitting needle gauge. I don't suppose the metal circle turns?
 
Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
Apologies, but memories are often deceptive - Aged Mum's knitting needle gauge was, IIRC, actually bell-shaped:

http://paternoster.orpheusweb.co.uk/knitting/needlesizes.htm

I think Penny S' objet d'art may be something similar, though.

IJ
 
Posted by Sparrow (# 2458) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by MaryLouise:
Oh, yes. In a kitchen drawer I came across a vintage ceramic pie funnel or vent in the shape of a small white elephant with upturned trunk.

These pie funnels were made by Nutbrown, an English company manufacturing kitchenware based in Walker Street, Blackpool, in the 1930s. Their utensils were exported all over the world.

For a long time this pie funnel stood on the windowsill above the sink and was referred to as 'dust-collector' or 'wots-it'. It looked pretty and I had no idea what it was. Eventually, I examined it more closely and looked it up online. Pie vents or pie funnels were once very popular right across British colonies. They are still used. After a dish is lined with pastry crust, the funnel is placed into the centre, the filling is added, and the top crust is molded around the figurine. While baking, the hollow of the pie funnel allows steam to escape the filling and prevents juices from overflowing in the oven.

I assume this little ceramic elephant was brought in from the garden by a dog digging for bones. The house I live in is about a century old and someone in the 1930s might have baked pies with it.

My mother had one shaped like a baby Blackbird with its neck stretched up, the vent was its gaping beak.
 
Posted by Nicolemr (# 28) on :
 
quote:
My mother had one shaped like a baby Blackbird with its neck stretched up, the vent was its gaping beak.

I have one of those!
 
Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
They are still available!
Pie blackbird.
 
Posted by cliffdweller (# 13338) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
About 20 years ago, on New Year's Day in the morning, I went out into the front yard and found a copper saucepan in the grass. It is a small one but clearly very expensive, one of those ones with a tinned inside. It is probably part of a very costly set. There seemed nothing to be done with it (clearly the squirrels were not going to use it) but take it inside, wash it, and use it. I have it still. I can construct a scenario of how it got onto my front lawn (inebriated New Year's celebrant flinging pan out of car window after a pot-luck party for which this pan held the sauce vor the cherries jubilee) but no one has ever come looking for it.

While we were on vacation out-of-town my young sons were playing in a park when they discovered a pretty footed glass cake plate w/ glass dome hidden in the bushes. The sort you might have at a very fancy tea party, not the kind you'd have for picnic in the park. We waited until we ready to go hours later to see if anyone would claim it. No one did so we decided to adopt it and give it a good home.

I'm going to have to come up with an imaginative story to fit how it ended up on holiday. Perhaps it grew tired of stuffy upscale dinner parties where it was being employed, and snuck out one evening when the staff were a bit tardy in the cleaning up. Hiding in the bushes of the nearby seaside park, it watched a children's birthday party, finding them much more joyful than the soulless corporate events it had been relegated to. Thus it plotted to leap into my son's arms, begging to be liberated from it's colorless existence...

[ 29. July 2017, 20:38: Message edited by: cliffdweller ]
 
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
When we run thin on crockery and cutlery I go explore my son's room.
A comic that shows what I mean.

When we packed to move, I found a whole nest of (my) screwdrivers under Son 2's bed. We'd only lived there 2 years. He was instructed to not collect other people's screwdrivers anymore.

[ 29. July 2017, 21:12: Message edited by: mousethief ]
 
Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by cliffdweller:
While we were on vacation out-of-town my young sons were playing in a park when they discovered a pretty footed glass cake plate w/ glass dome hidden in the bushes. The sort you might have at a very fancy tea party, not the kind you'd have for picnic in the park. We waited until we ready to go hours later to see if anyone would claim it. No one did so we decided to adopt it and give it a good home.

I'm going to have to come up with an imaginative story to fit how it ended up on holiday. Perhaps it grew tired of stuffy upscale dinner parties where it was being employed, and snuck out one evening when the staff were a bit tardy in the cleaning up. Hiding in the bushes of the nearby seaside park, it watched a children's birthday party, finding them much more joyful than the soulless corporate events it had been relegated to. Thus it plotted to leap into my son's arms, begging to be liberated from it's colorless existence...

Was it MacArthur's Park? And was it left out in the rain?
 
Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
Mmm, a public park, you say? Then the John LeCarre scenario leaps easily into the mind. "So, you've got it. If it's a glass cake stand, that means the drop is clear, and you go on and find the secret microfilms under the roundabout."
"Right. And if it's the tupperware?"
"That means that you're being blown by Stasi, and the North Koreans are on your trail. Go immediately to the safe house, and they'll prep you for plastic surgery. We'll have four separate church picnics going on, and no one will know which cake stand it'll be until the last second."
In the excitement of the drop, clearly someone forgot to scoop up the glass cake stand.
 
Posted by cliffdweller (# 13338) on :
 
[Overused]
If only we had roundabouts here
In the U.S.

Perhaps film was buried underneath the clown speaker at the drive thru
 
Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by cliffdweller:
[Overused]
If only we had roundabouts here in the U.S.

They're beginning to build some in Arizona, but Arizonans (not the nation's best drivers!) cannot figure out how to use them. Mostly they're at minor intersections, but if they ever put them in at major intersections it will be a disaster.
 
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
Don't you have playground roundabouts either?
 
Posted by MaryLouise (# 18697) on :
 
Went to check up on my 'sought-after by kitchen aficionados' collectable ceramic pie funnel, to see if it was chipped or stained.

Can't find it anywhere. Perhaps it is like one of those mysterious garden gnomes that pops up in Finland or Cornwall and travels around the world in Instagram.
 
Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
If you find your pie funnel could you look at the same time for my herb mill: vanished, gorn, children deny ever having seen same, even in the face of photographic evidence of them using it to prepare mint for sauce. We also seem to have 'lost' 2 pruning saws and a long-armed tree lopper from a garden which is completely enclosed (and in any case they were in a padlocked shed).

Is there a black hole centred above the house, or should I conclude that The Borrowers wasn't a work of fiction?
 
Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Bishops Finger:
(Just spotted Penny's post).

The flat disc you mentioned may have been a knitting-needle gauge i.e. to check you have the right size needle. My old Mum had one, she being a great knitter, as well as pie-maker (see above).

IJ

An important part of the needle gauge is the numbering - there were no numbers. Also the screwdriver structure would be very unusual, as most of my gauges are flat. Interesting idea, though.

The holes were different sizes, and the disc did not rotate.

[ 30. July 2017, 16:47: Message edited by: Penny S ]
 
Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
Were they very small, like a knitting needle? If the holes were 1 inch or more then it may have been a pasta serving size measure.
 
Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :
 
The Florida roundabouts are not understood by many of my neighbors. My friend was in the yield lane and was yelling at another driver who was blithely proceeding in his lane as he should. I mentioned the large, friendly letters spelling the word yield. She had never noticed them before. [brick wall]

And back to the subject!
I'm one of those who have mysterious towels appear in my home. It's not like visitors have to bring their own towels from home if they're staying with me. When asked about the alien things, nobody will claim to have ever seen them before.
 
Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
Were they very small, like a knitting needle? If the holes were 1 inch or more then it may have been a pasta serving size measure.

They were small - hence our thinking of scraping grill rods.

This is the nearest I can find - makes much more sense of scraping grills than the round thing, though.
Barbecue scraper
 
Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
And this is even nearer.


Another scraper

What is apparent from searching for thse things is that no-one has yet found the perfect one - they are legion in design.

[ 30. July 2017, 20:22: Message edited by: Penny S ]
 
Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
Even better match.

Universal scraper

Dad did not have a barbecue, remember. But he might have got it for the grill pan.
 
Posted by cliffdweller (# 13338) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Curiosity killed ...:
Don't you have playground roundabouts either?

We call them "merry-go-rounds" (in addition to the other, bigger ones with horsies)

So are you suggesting perhaps the cake plate was part of some crazed party that took place entirely upon the merry-go-round/roundabout, at which point the children became so hyped up on sugar that the merry-go-round was pushed faster & faster & faster until finally the cake plate went spinning out of control out into the outer atmosphere?

... whereupon it fell to earth, still spinning. so that it neatly decapitating Jimmy Hoffa... the most elegant Mafia hit ever...

...but the cake was delicious.
 
Posted by Nicolemr (# 28) on :
 
Of ourse I was slightly disapointed by the content of this thread, as from the title I was hoping it would be about items an extraterrestrial would have around the house. [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
But, if Penny's Dad didn't acquire The Mysterious Scrapey Thing for the grill pan, then maybe it is indeed of Alien Provenance.

It would be just the thing for combing one's facial tentacles, and keeping them free of soup or whatever.

IJ
 
Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :
 
I'm wondering what that 'whatever' might be, Bishops Finger. [Eek!]
 
Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
Green Alien Gunge!!

[Projectile]

IJ
 
Posted by Jane R (# 331) on :
 
Yes, like nicolemr I thought this was going to be about household objects an alien might use.

We have one of these, for example. It looks like alien cutlery but is actually a massage tool, thus allowing me to combine the themes on cutlery and extraterrestrials in the same post.
 
Posted by Sparrow (# 2458) on :
 
I thought it might be about one of these:

http://www.alessi.com/en/products/detail/psjs-juicy-salif-citrus-squeezer
 
Posted by MaryLouise (# 18697) on :
 
Very Philippe Starck, very Alessi. Decidedly like a skinny UFO that has just landed on the kitchen counter.

How dull everything else in my kitchen would look next to it.
 
Posted by mark_in_manchester (# 15978) on :
 
quote:
How dull everything else in my kitchen would look next to it.
If I had one of them, my split formica would be shown up for what it is, and I'd need granite tops. Then the whole 'stuff hanging on cup-hooks' vibe would look weird and I'd need new units with drawers in. They'd have to be those clever drawers which won't shut with a bang, maybe (and I haven't made this up) with depressions in them to fit specific kitchen gizmos, that make it hard to replace a broken tin-opener with one of the exact same profile. Then the silver paper covering the holes in the bottom of the oven would annoy me, so I'd need a new one, and a hob to match.

By the time I'd come in after a hard day's paying for it, I'd be glad I'd kept the toaster.
 
Posted by Jane R (# 331) on :
 
mark_in_manchester:
quote:
If I had one of them, my split formica would be shown up for what it is, and I'd need granite tops. Then the whole 'stuff hanging on cup-hooks' vibe would look weird and I'd need new units with drawers in. They'd have to be those clever drawers which won't shut with a bang, maybe (and I haven't made this up) with depressions in them to fit specific kitchen gizmos, that make it hard to replace a broken tin-opener with one of the exact same profile. Then the silver paper covering the holes in the bottom of the oven would annoy me, so I'd need a new one, and a hob to match.

[Killing me] The next step after that is obvious: you will need to remodel the rest of the house as well so it can live up to the kitchen.

<tangent> We recently inherited a grandfather clock which looks badly out of place in our bog-standard 1980s house... we feel as if the clock is telling us to move to a Georgian mansion. Not that we can afford to do anything of the sort, of course... even a Victorian terrace in the city centre would be beyond our means.
 
Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Jane R:
[Killing me] The next step after that is obvious: you will need to remodel the rest of the house as well so it can live up to the kitchen.


Yes, and then one starts putting pressure on the neighbors...
 
Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
Not to mention on the personal appearance. You can become too scruffy and down-market for your domicile, and then what?

[ 08. August 2017, 19:51: Message edited by: Brenda Clough ]
 
Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
Ah, I've found the answer to that one!

As I become more aged, scruffy, and down-market, so does the Episcopal Palace (though it is kept reasonably clean, swept, and tidy).

[Biased]

IJ
 
Posted by cliffdweller (# 13338) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Jane R:
mark_in_manchester:
quote:
If I had one of them, my split formica would be shown up for what it is, and I'd need granite tops. Then the whole 'stuff hanging on cup-hooks' vibe would look weird and I'd need new units with drawers in. They'd have to be those clever drawers which won't shut with a bang, maybe (and I haven't made this up) with depressions in them to fit specific kitchen gizmos, that make it hard to replace a broken tin-opener with one of the exact same profile. Then the silver paper covering the holes in the bottom of the oven would annoy me, so I'd need a new one, and a hob to match.

[Killing me] The next step after that is obvious: you will need to remodel the rest of the house as well so it can live up to the kitchen.

<tangent> We recently inherited a grandfather clock which looks badly out of place in our bog-standard 1980s house... we feel as if the clock is telling us to move to a Georgian mansion. Not that we can afford to do anything of the sort, of course... even a Victorian terrace in the city centre would be beyond our means.

This reminds me with both joy and terror of the time I asked Dear Husband to fix a leaky bathroom faucet and it turned into a year-long remodel with complete gutting of the only bathroom in our condo.
 
Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
Which is another good reason for Leaving Things Alone!

IJ
 
Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
Which is another good reason for Leaving Things Alone!

IJ
 
Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Jane R:
mark_in_manchester:
quote:
If I had one of them, my split formica would be shown up for what it is, and I'd need granite tops. Then the whole 'stuff hanging on cup-hooks' vibe would look weird and I'd need new units with drawers in ...
[Killing me] The next step after that is obvious: you will need to remodel the rest of the house as well so it can live up to the kitchen ...
This is getting me worried, as we have a new oven coming on Friday. However (a) there is a good reason for this, as the present one which we inherited when we moved in is hopeless; and (b) we've deliberately bought one which will tone in with everything else rather than shouting its newness - I hope! [Cool]
 
Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Bishops Finger:
Which is another good reason for Leaving Things Alone!

I blame the Monstrous Regiment of Houseproud Wives (scuttles for cover but fails to avoid the brickbats).
 
Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
In our bathroom the soap dish fell off the bathtub wall. My husband reaffixed it with glue. And I warned him, that if the glue didn't work, larger and more stern measures would have to be taken. Well, it didn't. We had to gut and redesign the whole thing.
 
Posted by mark_in_manchester (# 15978) on :
 
quote:
Not to mention on the personal appearance. You can become too scruffy and down-market for your domicile, and then what?

I suppose one upside is that dental implants are mind-bendingly expensive, but taken as a small-ish fraction of a complete house build, some folks might just stick 'em on the mortgage and get on with it.

Personally, I'm staying the f*** away from that f****** lemon squeezer (and going for a long mustache to conceal dental irregularities).
 
Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
Brenda's tale of the soap-dish reminds me of my Old Dad trying to replace one loose tile in the bathroom, and ending up replacing the whole bl**dy lot (well, that's what he called it.).

IJ
 
Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
Tiles don't usually commit hara-kiri for no reason; usually the damp has crept behind the tiles and begun to rot the board behind them. There is no solution except to rip it all out and make the surface beneath good.
 
Posted by Jane R (# 331) on :
 
Brenda, you clearly used the wrong glue.

Shortly after we moved into our current abode, I glued the towel rail to the bathroom wall in a fit of pique because I was sick of it falling off.

Many years later, when we were redecorating... "Why won't the towel rail come off? Oh. Ah."

We ended up painting round it. If we ever want to get rid of it we'll have to remodel the whole bathroom, as you did [Help]
 
Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
In my Old Dad's case, it was damp and rotting plaster behind the tiles that did the dirty on him..

IJ
 
Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
We must blame my husband; all these issues devolve upon him. And I warned him, fair and square, did I not? Spend either $5 or $10,000, my love, but a functional bathroom we must and shall have.
 
Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :
 
I think a thread dedicated to home remodeling stories would do very well!

As a return to Aliens in the Home, may I present a very useful white plastic mixing bowl that found its way into my kitchen? After a fruitless search for the rightful owner, it became a great addition to my regular kitchen stuff. Until it disappeared. [Paranoid]

Obviously it had fulfilled its purpose here, and wandered off to help some other lucky person.

jedijudy
Helpful Heaven Host and tangent trimmer

 
Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
When I was cleaning up from a party a few years ago a plate showed up. It wasn't mine, and no one at the party claimed it. (It was not a pot-luck, so only a couple of people had even brought plates.) I assume it was going down my street, saw all the cars and people, and decided to join the fun. And it became that one guest who never knows when it's time to leave.
 
Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
I threw a party for myself, for my 50th birthday, and invited my entire circle of acquaintance. People showed up who have never been here before. Someone left a lipstick holder, one of those purse things. But inside the lipstick holder was a pearl necklace, pinkish pearls.
I asked everyone; nobody recognized it. I kept it on the bookcase for years. Finally a few years ago I turned 60. I threw yet another party and again invited everyone I knew. This time I set the necklace in the middle of the coffee table with a sign, "IS THIS YOURS?"
Again, nobody claimed it. So I gave up. I took it to a jeweler and learned that they were real pearls. Then I sold the thing on Ebay. So far nobody has asked for it, but by now more than ten years after the fact, it's over.
 
Posted by mark_in_manchester (# 15978) on :
 
Man finds pearl necklace in his pocket as he pulls out a handkerchief while attending your party with his wife. He thinks is might be his wife's, but he's not sure - it might also belong to his mistress. He's in a total panic, because if the latter is true, it's presence on his person is completely compromising. In either case, he doesn't want to just dump it. What to do?

He finds one of your guest's discarded empty lipstick in the bathroom where he's gone to slow his breathing and think out what to do. He decides to leave it tucked somewhere with the necklace in it, in (known-to-be-totally-honest) your house, so that when it is discovered he has total plausible deniability. Then he waits to see if it is his wife's - she'll hear from you when you circulate a description - or not, in which case it was safe to discard it and he will buy the mistress another one.

Hang on, *you're* the author... [Smile]
 
Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
[Killing me]

[Overused]

IJ
 
Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
=Very= good, and covers all the bases. The thing must have been worth a hundred dollars new, not the sort of trinket you would just lose or forget about. I trust its new owner is enjoying it.
 
Posted by LutheranChik (# 9826) on :
 
Not quite alien, but in an alien place: While vacuuming the sofa the other day, I discovered our silicone basting brush underneath one of the cushions. As you might imagine, this gave me great pause -- is this how dementia starts? I wondered -- then I remembered that E1, my Dear Spouse, had been cleaning off some " smalls" for our antique booth, and had mentioned she needed a soft brush.
 
Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
I found a long-handled spoon in bed with us. Two days later it became evident that Mr L had shingles and had grabbed something for the ferocious itching. (in unison, now: Ewwwwwwwwww...)
 


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