Thread: So misleading... Board: Heaven / Ship of Fools.


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Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
So I almost posted something on a different thread about an old surfing accident, and then I realized just how misleading that would be. Because I've mentioned it in real life and seen the sudden respect [Killing me] that comes into the other person's eyes, as they imagine me as a former badass, hanging ten on a real board in 20 foot waves.

In reality it was a boogie board, I was body surfing, and my shoulder dislocated way too easily due to a genetic tissue problem.

I'm tempted to mention none of this the next time I slip up.

Anyone else have misleading stories?
 
Posted by Pangolin Guerre (# 18686) on :
 
Well, I've made reference to this on an old thread. "I was having a drink with a KGB colonel, and he was telling me that..." It sounds all very Le Carre, foggy night on a bridge, someone "falls" into the Spree. In fact, he had defected, written a book, and we were at the faculty club. Very bourgeois, actually.

As to boogie boards, I actually almost killed myself on one once. I didn't know what I was doing, was alone, and was bounced off the ocean floor by a wave. My last words will likely be along the lines of "Oh, fu......"
 
Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
heheheheheh.

Yes, come to think of it, I could tell you the story about the time we took top Communist Party leaders to the circus...

(The things we'll do for the Lord. Sheesh. You should have seen Mr. Lamb's face!)
 
Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Which circus?
 
Posted by Pangolin Guerre (# 18686) on :
 
Smiley's?
 
Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
I'm remembering something in St Louis, very cool, it couldn't have been Cirque du Soleil, could it? This would have been in the late 90s.
 
Posted by Pangolin Guerre (# 18686) on :
 
Cirque du Soleil started around 1985, but I don't know that they would have been in St Louis before October 1989. (Assuming that your Commies were European, which, of course, they needn't be.)

[ 29. August 2017, 22:56: Message edited by: Pangolin Guerre ]
 
Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
From Vietnam. Which is what made the situation fraught. Mr. Lamb is a vet, a camp survivor and a boat person--as they doubtless realized. Which is why we didnt do the usual Vietnamese thing of "Where are you from and who are your people?"
 
Posted by Amorya (# 2652) on :
 
I was one of Charlotte Church's backing singers.

Technically true, for one day… it was when I (and she, we're about the same age) was in my early teens, and she was in her "voice of an angel" phase. I was part of a children's choir that did backing music for a Christmas TV programme that Ms Church sang for. I never met her, they recorded our parts separately and merged them using the magic of editing.
 
Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
In another identity I am a costumed crime fighter. True, but it is solely writers' scams, through SFWA and Writer Beware. No batarangs involved.
 
Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
I'm remembering something in St Louis, very cool, it couldn't have been Cirque du Soleil, could it? This would have been in the late 90s.

Circus Flora?
 
Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
It might have been--I have to confess I've never been to a circus other than on that one occasion, so I wouldn't necessarily remember anything distinguishing. Except that we were in a very posh venue (where, I can't remember) and I found the acts mesmerizing. (But then, I would, wouldn't I?)
 
Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
Were there animals? If there were animals it may have been the Big Apple Circus. If there were only human beings but it was very sophisticated it was Cirque du Soliel.
 
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
People from the general area of Edinburgh may be impressed to hear that I once provided the name for a particular year's Fringe.

Granted, it was the Edmonton Fringe, and my suggestion was conveyed via walking up to the festival's director in the beer tent and telling him what I thought he should call the next year's festival, a suggestion he followed up on two years later, as next year's name had already been chosen.

I will say that the Edmonton Fringe is not just any old Fringe, but was actually the first anywhere outside of Edinburgh. So it does have some historical significance, as far as Fringes go.
 
Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
If it was in St. Louis in that period, it was probably Circus Flora. (In fact, I believe that the Wikipedia article quotes from my review.) I don't think of them as posh, but they do have a very nice tent, although thrust into the St. Louis Symphony Orchestra's parking lot (at a time of year in which they're hosting graduation ceremonies and giving pops concerts - but Grand Center has its own agenda).
 
Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
I once coined a major marketing phrase, all unwitting, whilst visiting a friend in the Marketing and PR department of the grand opera company for which I used to sing.

Lyric Opera of Chicago was giving its first complete cycles of Wagner's "Ring," and the PR folks were amazed by how far people were coming to see it.

I explained, "They're Ringheads - like Deadheads, but for grand opera." There was a chorus of "Ohhhh." The next time LOC gave it, I returned to find hats and T-shirts and all sorts of things emblazoned "Ringhead."

I didn't get any credit for it, but I did buy a hat.
 
Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
[Killing me]

Ringheads. [Killing me]

It was definitely not a tent, and no animals. Only people doing lovely and amazing things

Mr. Lamb had a schtick he eould pull out whenever a petty criminal was harassing one of our immigrant families. Leaning up against the wall, he would cross his arms, look the punk directly in the eye, and remark casually,

"I escaped from a jail."

(Leaning forward menacingly:)

"TWICE."

Then he'd have to stand back so they could rush out in a panic.

He never mentioned that the jail in question was a prison camp for former officers of South Vietnam. They took him for a murderer or something.
 
Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Bravo!
 
Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :
 
On a visit to Madrid, I suffered a flamenco-related injury.

We were walking to a flamenco dinner show in the pouring rain. I slipped on some wet cardboard and went careering down the hill with one leg bent under me. Nothing broken but I hobbled everywhere for the rest of our visit, walking with a stick the hotel kindly lent me.

I told people it was a flamenco-related injury, which sounded terribly glamorous.
 
Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :
 
Once at a former job, I realized how funny out-of-context it would be if someone heard the couple of sentences I'd just uttered, about moving the flying saucer back into place and turning on the death rays.

See, I was working in a church.

The "flying saucer" was an information desk that was on wheels, so we could move it out of the way when we needed to use the space it normally occupied.

The "death rays" were really bright lights aimed at the stained glass windows from inside, which neighbors paid for, since they thought it looked pretty all lit up at night. We'd turn them off when we had a late service or other event, because (1) they filled the church with an unholy greenish light, and (2) they made a loud buzzing sound. Hence the nickname.

So we were cleaning up after a late service, and needed to turn those lights back on and move the information desk back into place! It's just so boring to put it that way...
 
Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :
 
I was scarred in a ride at Alton Towers.

I hight then point out that this was before it was a major adrenaline-ride park, and the ride was a concrete toboggan ride. And I refused to brake, because it was so much fun. Yes, it hurt, and there was a scar for many years, but it wasn't really that serious.
 
Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
I try to resist the temptation to bring up my excommunication in certain company, but it's hard. My whole life (from the outside, anyway) I've looked like a goody two shoes. Throwing the excommunication into the conversation makes me look less fluffy.

When they find out the excommunication was forced through by a lunatic and included about 60 other people, including small babies, well, my fluffiness quotient shoots back up again.
 
Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 
I like to show people the scar on my right arm from when I was struck by a Seawolf missile, which is absolutely true. During a period of a few months when I was at RAE Farnborough we had our tea breaks in one of the weapons labs. One day it was getting a bit crowded, and someone asked me to give him a hand moving the shell of a Seawolf that was in the way. It slipped, and the pointed corner of a fin gashed my arm. I wear the scar proudly.
 
Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
...When they find out the excommunication was forced through by a lunatic and included about 60 other people, including small babies, well, my fluffiness quotient shoots back up again.

That's all right, LC. We know how badass you really are.
 
Posted by Carex (# 9643) on :
 
I have quite a number of good stories. On one visit to Russia an army colonel took us to visit the zoo, after we drove their mobile missile launching trucks around in a forest. My wife and I were both awarded Outstanding Soldier medals.

I used to be put at the end of the chow line in a logging camp in Alaska so everyone would get enough to eat. Actually we were engineers, not loggers (though it was, in fact, a logging camp) and I was willing to take the smallest steak in exchange for all the remaining vegetables that nobody else wanted.

I was attacked by a hedgehog while sleeping under a bridge in New Zealand.

And last week I was awarded the Mayor's Honor Medal of Ulaan Bataar, or so the translator thought it might be called. Something about supporting economic development and political stability according to the certificate, though I'm not exactly sure how that applies.

As a final exam in my French class we had to describe what we had done that day as an oral exam. I was unemployed at the time, and planned on spending the day studying, but was called out with the Search and Rescue team instead. The poor teacher's face went through stages of shock and horror as I described locating and recovering the body of a suicide victim ("to have killed oneself" being a properly reflexive phrase of the type she was hoping we would use.) I guess that wasn't what most people had done that day...


I have several more - part of it is the imagination of how to present situations in a light that makes them appear more unusual than they really are. I don't usually talk about them, but they do come in handy when someone insists that we play "Two Truths and a Lie" as an ice-breaker at one of our favorite restaurants.
 
Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
Attacked by a hedgehog?!!!??
 
Posted by cliffdweller (# 13338) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
So I almost posted something on a different thread about an old surfing accident, and then I realized just how misleading that would be. Because I've mentioned it in real life and seen the sudden respect [Killing me] that comes into the other person's eyes, as they imagine me as a former badass, hanging ten on a real board in 20 foot waves.

In reality it was a boogie board, I was body surfing, and my shoulder dislocated way too easily due to a genetic tissue problem.

I'm tempted to mention none of this the next time I slip up.

Anyone else have misleading stories?

I have almost this story. A few years ago I broke my ankle. When folks asked me why I was hobbling round with my foot in a cast I murmured "surfing accident".

In reality, it wasn't my surfing. I was walking along the edge of the water when a surfer wiped out and his longboard came flying out (no leash-- bad surfer!) and whacked me right in the ankle.
 
Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
That'll do it!
 
Posted by North East Quine (# 13049) on :
 
I have mentioned my axe-killer great uncle on the boards. He hacked several people to death. Yes, honestly.

It was during the Battle of Ypres. His machine gun jammed, and he fought off advancing Germans with a trench hatchet. He was mentioned in dispatched as having killed three, the regimental history says he killed five, and the local newspaper reported that he had hacked no fewer than eleven "burly Huns" to death.
 
Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
[Eek!] [Eek!] [Eek!]

That's certainly someone to bring to your primary school Careers Day!
 
Posted by mark_in_manchester (# 15978) on :
 
I'm missing a front tooth.

My Dad knocked it out when I was a kid.

(He didn't mean to. But hey, I do some volunteering and every now and again the short version breaks the ice with someone new at the centre, if they ask).

I also have a big scar on top of my right wrist. Well, I cut my wrist, but I got it wrong...
 
Posted by Amorya (# 2652) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by mark_in_manchester:
I also have a big scar on top of my right wrist. Well, I cut my wrist, but I got it wrong...

I have a scar on my right wrist. Approximately along the vein, too!

The real story: a vending machine had taken my money but the crisps didn't drop down. I tried to give it a hearty shove to help it along. But I caught my wrist on the catch holding the padlock to keep it shut.
 
Posted by Jengie jon (# 273) on :
 
Conversation repeated several times by me:

Enquirer: Which town were you born in?
Me: East London
Enquirer: So you are a Londoner then, which part
Me: No, East London, South Africa.

afaik Londoners do not talk of 'East London'; they use 'East End' or the area name or the postcode but not 'East London'.

It's not helped by the fact that the first couple of years my life were spent in Alice.

Jengie

[ 08. September 2017, 08:16: Message edited by: Jengie jon ]
 
Posted by Margaret (# 283) on :
 
My last school prize-giving, when I was the only person to carry off three prizes (a few people got two): the Russian prize, the Classics prize, and the general work for A level prize. My mother was delighted to report that someone behind her gasped when the list was read out. Alas, I only got two of them because I was the only person who lasted out Russian and Greek as far as doing the exams [Devil]
 
Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
[Killing me] Yeah, that's how I got the AFL-CIO union scholarship for my year. I was the only one who wrote the essay for it, and so got it, in spite of my (probably unwelcome) point of view.
 
Posted by Og, King of Bashan (# 9562) on :
 
I never let my wife forget that I am on a musical recording that gets regular radio play.

Never mind that it's my church choir, and our director happens to be good friends with the host of the "sacred choral classics" show on the local public radio. It's still a quality recording, and it's on the radio way more than anything by any of our other cooler musician friends.

I also proudly hold on to my four-year varsity award from High School. I seldom mention that it was in Cross Country, and at the time the school was so desperate for runners that anyone who showed up was automatically on the varsity team. Or that I finished at least one race dead last. I showed up for four years, stayed relatively healthy, and at the end of high school, I took my rightful place on the stage at the school awards program with a few all-state soccer and lacrosse players who were recruited to play for major college teams.
 
Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
Some things can be stated to seem more exciting or bizarre than they actually are.

For example, I once shared a drink in a bar with a gay rabbi, the bishop of Durham and a member of the band Busted.

As it happens, Rabbi Lionel Blue (RIP old friend) had been giving a talk at my university college at which the recently consecrated bishop was in attendance. Afterwards, we headed down to the college bar, where the aforementioned pop star happened to be, as his girlfriend's sister was a fellow student.

In an entirely separate incident, a few weeks ago, I was locked in my own back garden by the British ambassador to Belarus.
 
Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :
 
I travelled on the private motor-boat of the President of Guinea-Bissau.

(I was on missionary service at the time, we were travelling from an offshore island to the mainland, the Captain had run an errand for the President and was going back empty, about 30 assorted people hitched a ride. It was a rather small boat - and terribly slow!)

[ 08. September 2017, 16:42: Message edited by: Baptist Trainfan ]
 
Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
I used to run my fingers through Placido Domingo's hair on a regular basis.

It was in a production of Bizet's "Carmen" at Lyric Opera of Chicago; I was in the chorus, playing a cigarette girl, and he was singing the role of Don José; and the director told me to do it. But there were people who were envious of my staging.
 
Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
[Killing me]

I was an aide to Jimmy Doohan, you know, Scotty of Star Trek fame?

(for a couple hours--during a bookstore signing--he was very nice)

[ 08. September 2017, 18:45: Message edited by: Lamb Chopped ]
 
Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Carex:
I was attacked by a hedgehog while sleeping under a bridge in New Zealand.

We breed 'em tough here. Makes up for our lack of otherwise dangerous beasts.
[Big Grin]

Huia
 
Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Was he pleasant?
 
Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
I danced with Mark Phillips. (Well that worked better when Princess Anne was married to him.)

Except that it was a quite different Mark Phillips - he was my partner in the Maypole dance at Primary School.
 
Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Chorister:
I danced with Mark Phillips. (Well that worked better when Princess Anne was married to him.)

Except that it was a quite different Mark Phillips - he was my partner in the Maypole dance at Primary School.

If we're going for that angle, then I can add that I used to share a house with Christopher Lee. I think he's now a primary school teacher somewhere in County Durham.
 
Posted by rosamundi (# 2495) on :
 
I walked round on a broken leg for six weeks.

It was a stress fracture of my tibia, which are tricky things to diagnose at the best of times, and they can't really do anything for them even when you have a diagnosis. I did quite enjoy the four hours of uninterrupted reading time while the nuclear isotope they gave me as part of the bone scan worked its way through me.
 
Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Chorister:
I danced with Mark Phillips. (Well that worked better when Princess Anne was married to him.)

Except that it was a quite different Mark Phillips - he was my partner in the Maypole dance at Primary School.

Diana Spencer waited on me at Harrods. But she looked nothing like the real Princess Diana, whom I'd seen just a couple of days earlier.
 
Posted by Jengie jon (# 273) on :
 
Oh, I was offered coffee by Michael Jackson when I was a student. He was the minister of the church I was attending at the time.

Jengie
 
Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Oh, Michael Jackson used to work as a teller where I banked, too!
 
Posted by Soror Magna (# 9881) on :
 
Rossweise, you'll enjoy this. In my youth, I was fortunate to score the role of Musetta in a summer touring production based in Cologne. "Wow, that's amazing! Congratulations!" Thanks, I'm really excited about going to Kelowna!

Oooh, ooh, and Patrick Stewart lived at one of the student residences at Caprica U. I saw him regularly when he came in to pay the rent and was amazed to see his full head of hair.
 
Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by rosamundi:
I walked round on a broken leg for six weeks.

It was a stress fracture of my tibia, which are tricky things to diagnose at the best of times, and they can't really do anything for them even when you have a diagnosis. I did quite enjoy the four hours of uninterrupted reading time while the nuclear isotope they gave me as part of the bone scan worked its way through me.

I had fractured of 2 vertebrae, T5 and T6, roughly between the shoulderblades. I was merely a complainer for 3 weeks until I had an Xray, then I became really quite disabled with quite a bit of asking family to fetch me things and wait on me. There was about a week where the concept of breaking my back played on me, but I wasn't more disabled before I knew what the injury truly was.
 
Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Soror Magna:
Rossweise, you'll enjoy this. In my youth, I was fortunate to score the role of Musetta in a summer touring production based in Cologne. "Wow, that's amazing! Congratulations!" Thanks, I'm really excited about going to Kelowna!

I suspect the beer is better in Köln.
 
Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :
 
Continuing the high cultural tone of this thread: in my youth I appeared on stage with the celebrated soprano Victoria de los Angeles.

(Well, I turned her accompanist's pages).
 
Posted by wild haggis (# 15555) on :
 
Oh yea!

I petted Wayne Macgregor's whippet called Freud. Lovely dog, great choreograher.
 
Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
I went to Kindergarten with Tommy Dorsey. Not the Big Band musician -- he died the year before I started Kindergarten. Not even a distant relative, as far as I know.
 


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