Thread: Scene 11: Wise Men bring gifts Board: Nativity Play / Ship of Fools.


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Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 
Tribute to Miss Molly
We would like to dedicate this performance of the Nativity story to Miss Molly. If you would like to know more regarding this remarkable lady please read this. If you would like to add your own words of tribute to Molly please do so here. Let our lives and our lips sing with praise, thanksgiving and joy to the God and Father who she now sees face to face.
 

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Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 
Forget the perfume, where's the cash?

So the shepherds made it, just. And now it's the turn of the Wise Men. Will they show up? And what will they bring? There's one thing for sure, there ain't much wisdom to spare between them...
 

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Posted by Narrator (# 3680) on :
 
To the tune of “God save the Queen”

Here come some quite odd Kings
Along the way they sing
They’re here at last
For they had lost their way
And they heard Herod say
“Strange news you bring”

Herod was most put out
Which made him sulk and pout
And hatch a plan.
It is his fervent will
The new born child to kill
He is a lout.

But Mary is quite swift
When they present their gifts
Precious and rare.
She’d prefer notes that fold
But she’ll make do with gold
Her spirits lift.
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Mary busies herself around the stable, hanging nappies to dry on an improvised line at the back of the stage, bustling animals out of the way as she rearranges the hay, trying to ignore the snores of her beloved husband as she moves the improvised manger from stage right to stage left and back again.
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
She gazes down at the sleeping baby in the manger and smiles sweetly. What a cute little fellow he is... seems to make it all worth while. She picks up the ribboned bell which he has dropped over the side of the manger and puts it alongside him, wiping it on her blue dress first because you never know what's been on that bit of hay on the floor
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
She glances over at Lavinia, still swaddled and snug in daddy's arms. For once even she is quiet. Mary sighs serenely. She wonders what the future holds for these two tiny babes, so sweet and innocent.
 

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Posted by Wise Man 2 (# 3654) on :
 
Meanwhile in a state room at the Yerushalayem Hyatt a wise man is busy packing. Including some distinctly badly wrapped presents (well have you ever tried to wrap jars of incense? not exactly a nice square box).

Are you guys ready yet? We should be on our way to that Bethlehem place.
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Sitting serenely down on a handy pile of hay she... hmm, standing up, looking distastefully at the pile of hay, wiping her dress, removing the pile off half-broken eggs, and settling down again.... she ponders on the strange visitors of the previous night.
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
They seemed very well meaning, and that one shepherd - the particularly aromatic one with the obviously brand new teatowel on his head - had been most helpful in prompting Joseph to take on his fatherly duties. Shame the gifts weren't a bit more useful, but at least she'd got rid of the drum. (Hidden it away to give as a Christmas present to Liz's son)
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Some of the glowy ones had been a bit disconcerting for a moment or two. Obviously had too much Ready Brek, or been standing too near the microwave. Mary makes a mental note only to feed the babies real food cooked by conventional methods. But they had sung so beautifully and been so supportive. Still, she will be glad now not to have any more visitors for a while. They need time to bond as a family.
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Mary looks at the watch hidden under the long sleeves of her..rather fetching... blue dress. Yes, certainly looks as though it's going to be a really quiet night. Thank goodness. She puts her feet up on the hay and takes out her copy of Pride and Prejudice.
 

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Posted by Narrator (# 3680) on :
 
Mary has a little lamb
As mauve as mauve can be.
And everywhere that Mary goes,
Folk point and laugh with glee.
 

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Posted by Wise Man 2 (# 3654) on :
 
Guys? You're not still asleep are you? We've got to get moving. How are we supposed to follow a star if you stay in bed all night?
 

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Posted by Narrator (# 3680) on :
 
<Sotto voce>

Typical men, wise or not. Probably buying last minute Christmas presents for the twins.
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Joseph and the babies slumber on. Mary reaches Chapter six. She puts the book down, momentarily, and takes a bar of fairly traded chocolate out of her handbag. Hunger abated, she reads on
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
A sudden thought goes through Mary's mind. She puts down the book and takes out her mobile

TXT 2 MUM

U R A GRANNY
2 BABES - M & F
ALL FINE
JOE SLEEPS SWEETLY
IN B'HEM NOW
C U SOON
LUV MARY
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
On a roll here

TXT 2 LIZ

HEY CUZ
HOW'S JOHN?
U R AN AUNTIE
: )
BABES & ME OK
U SHD SEE HOTEL
O BUT THE BEST
LUV MARY
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
TXT 2 BRI
TA 4 UR MOBILE NO
R U OK?
DID AA COME?
AM NOW A MUM
:- )
DO VISIT

LUV MARY
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
TXT 2 YZ MEN
ANY TIME NOW
WOULD B FINE

LUV MARY
 

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Posted by Narrator (# 3680) on :
 
<Sotto voce>

Married and a mother in 24 hours, and now she's on the phone to Brian. Talk about fast.
 

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Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :
 
Swings into actions - eyes wide open, eyebrows spasming violently, legs shaking and arms waving.

Art thou a man? Thy form cries out thou art;
Thy tears are womanish, thy wild acts denote
The unreasonable fury of a beast.
Unseemly woman in a seeming man!
And ill-beseeming beast in seeming both!
Thou hast amazed me. By my holy order,
I thought thy disposition better tempered.
Hast thou slain Tybalt? Wilt thou slay thyself?

Looks around. Sees Mary's a little stunned. Regains control.

Oh... err... what a terrible dream! Yes, terrible. Wow.

{sigh of relief}

So, what's up, Mary o' mine?
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Goodness Joseph, be careful... you don't want to wake Lavinia!

You did sleep well last night!
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
I was just thinking how good it was to have a bit of time to spend together as a family without a load of visitors arriving, and what do you know, a load of visitors haven't arrived, so we can have a nice family night in.
 

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Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :
 
Good point.

Checks Lavinia. She seems still. Too still, in fact. And the faint green glow of her head can't be healthy.

Well, I think she's ok.

How are you, anyway?
 

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Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :
 
*Finds kettle and prepares fair trade organic tea. Nibbles a bite of props chocolate.*

I wish I'd brought my copy of The Brothers Karamazov.

Yawn...
 

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Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :
 
*Waddles in laden with carrier bags*

Hello loves - any chance of a cuppa?

I'm right parched

*Sits down on hay bale and kicks off shoes*
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Well, straightens blue dress and does a twirl Don't you think I've recovered my figure well?
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 peeks into the stable, sees that all is quiet, and enters]

Baaaaa.
 

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Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mother Mary:
Well, straightens blue dress and does a twirl Don't you think I've recovered my figure well?

---

As good as Liz Hurley luv

You'll be posing in leathers for a fashion mag next no doubt
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Ah, Fairy Godmother... am I glad to see you!!!!

aside to stage manager Think you could rustle up a couple of cups of something? Non-alcoholic, please, seeing as Joseph's on the wagon!
 

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Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :
 
Why Mary, yes! You look as slim as you were back when you entered Miss Nazareth 7 BC. Oh, how we laughed! Do you remember? And Mrs Kippelstein, the Twenty-Ton Blunder? She was a hoot. Can't imagine how she thought she'd win, though.

Well, looks like we've got company. Anyone for a game of cards?
 

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Posted by Stable Cat (# 3657) on :
 
*stable cat wanders in, looking for a cozy lap to sit in.*

mmmrrrrrtttt?
 

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Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mother Mary:
Non-alcoholic, please, seeing as Joseph's on the wagon!

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He is - I ain't.

But then I always carry my own supplies
 

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Posted by Sheep 1 (# 3671) on :
 
Right behind Sheep 3, Sheep 1 peeks through backstage curtains. Seeing no Wise Men, she ventures out on stage behind her partner in cud-chewing.

Baaaaa
 

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Posted by Phil the Wise Guy (# 3678) on :
 
With a barely muffled oath, Phil the Wise Guy yanks out his mobile and reads Mary's message.

"Jeez Louise, *now* she gets religion! We're wise men and kings, not snap-to-it servants! O, what da hell...."

Stepping into his best pink tutu and tying up his black high top sneakers, he firmly settles the battered old leather flying helmet on his head and lights his stogie.

"OK you bums, outta the sack! Look alive!"

Proceeds to kick awake the remaining wise men.

"We gots a saviuh t' adore, gifts ta unload, and summa Herod's goons ta dodge, so let's go, ladies!"

"Hey Moosic Director; gimme dat Mission: Impossible t'eme dis time, woodja please?"
 

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Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mother Mary:

aside to stage manager Think you could rustle up a couple of cups of something? Non-alcoholic, please, seeing as Joseph's on the wagon!

---

Places two fine china cups of tea on a gold platter, (Only fitting for the Theotokos and her husband). Adds sugar and fresh cream. Adds strawberries and teacakes. Peeks through curtains. Here you are...
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Serenely places down the Queen of Hearts on the bale of hay

SNAP!

Oh, thank you Stage Manager! Most kind. A good cuppa always whiles away the hours, I say.
 

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Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :
 
Thanks stage manager, and mumbles apology for earlier champagne bottle incident.

Tea-time!
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by chief stage manager:
Adds sugar and fresh cream. Adds strawberries and teacakes.

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Ohhh, goodie! I hope no unexpected visitors turn up! There's only enough for three!
 

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Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :
 
Likewise, asks forgiveness for retaliating sheep plop fling.
 

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Posted by Gabriel (# 827) on :
 
I'm fed up of sitting that green room waiting for the end to come - i want some of the action!!

Where is the happening place to be in Bethlehem these days Alternatively, i could maske up a foursome for a game of cards
 

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Posted by Sheep 1 (# 3671) on :
 
*Did someone just say 'teacakes'?*

Baaaaaa

Munch
 

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Posted by Angel 3 (# 3687) on :
 
<stage whisper to Joseph.>
<Of course, if you'd like a little something in your tea, I can oblige. Or maybe a little hangover cure, h'mmm?>
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Gabriel, how good of you to come and join us.
You wouldn't happen to have brought any presents would you?
Right... you partner the Fairy Godmother and my beloved husband and I will be your opponants. What shall we play? Team Snap or Go Fish?
 

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Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Mother Mary:
SNAP!

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quote:

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Originally posted by Gabriel:
I'm fed up of sitting that green room waiting for the end to come - i want some of the action!!

Where is the happening place to be in Bethlehem these days Alternatively, i could maske up a foursome for a game of cards

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Down at the Stable, Boss Angel. (Produces blackjack table and croupiers eyeshade) We can make up a foursome. Poker? Vingt-et-un? Snap?
 

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Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :
 
Prepares more tea, strawberries and cakes for Gabriel. Again peeks through curtains...
 

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Posted by Wise Man 2 (# 3654) on :
 
Phil, do you think two wise men are enough for this scene? Past experience suggests we're not going to have any more anytime soon.
 

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Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mother Mary:
Gabriel, how good of you to come and join us.
You wouldn't happen to have brought any presents would you?
Right... you partner the Fairy Godmother and my beloved husband and I will be your opponants. What shall we play? Team Snap or Go Fish?

---

I though a good round of bridge might not go amiss

 

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Posted by Black Angel (# 3676) on :
 
Perched on the stable roof-top, idly filing her nails.

Quiet tonight. Hmmmm. Wonder if there's anything good on the telly.

More important, there should be some more pressies along shortly. Hopefully better than sheep, too.

Hmmmm.

Wonder if there'll be anything for me?
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
I saw that, Joseph!

I hope that's cough medicine you're having in there. You are driving, you know. I assume that once you've handed those census forms in this evening, we'll be off on our way home to Nazareth.
 

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Posted by Gabriel (# 827) on :
 
Snap?
 

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Posted by Fourth Angel (# 3647) on :
 
What do you mean out on her own? I'm here too you know.

And as for on our own... just where were you two nights ago when we needed you to announce glad tidings of great joy to some shepherds on a hillside? Eh? Leaving me on my own in the cold to try and manage the job.

Not to mention that we lost Angel 1 to the *ahem* Dark Side.

Turns and beeeeeeeeeams at Mary

And so lovely to see you and the baby.. er.. babies again. You're looking wonderfully slim - you've not been borrowing corsets from that Black Angel now have you?

And did I hear a mention of teacakes?
 

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Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Mother Mary:
I saw that, Joseph!

I hope that's cough medicine you're having in there. You are driving, you know. I assume that once you've handed those census forms in this evening, we'll be off on our way home to Nazareth.

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quote:

---

Originally posted by Mother Mary:
Glances sorrowfully at the plate and offers the angel her last teacake, as a good hostess should. Smiles serenely and winks at the Chief Stage Manager who seems to have an unending supply.

They taste heavenly!

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quote:

---

Originally posted by Black Angel:
Looks Mary up and down critically.

Nice dress. Shame about the colour.

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quote:

---

I told her that the other day - did she listen?

Did she heck!

Needs a dose of Trinny and whatsit off "What not to wear"

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Leans close to whisper to Fairy Godmother.

And she's got baby-sick down her shoulder.
 

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Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :
 
Well, thanks for all your comments, but my wife is dressed beautifully.



So let's play cards and stop sniping at the Mother of God, alright?


 

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Posted by Fourth Angel (# 3647) on :
 
*Swipes the tea cake back before those nasty little fangs can bite into it

Look, there's a whole new plate there. Go get your own.

*smiles sweetly at the BVM, and holds out sparkling white cloth.*

You may want this? For.. er.. just... right.. there. The shoulder, yes. It really doesn't look good against all the blue.
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Oh Joseph! My hero!!!!!!
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 snatches the teacake from Angel 4's hand]

*munch, munch*

Baaaa
 

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Posted by Black Angel (# 3676) on :
 

quote:

---

Oh Joseph! My hero!!!!!!

---

Makes gagging gestures in one corner.

Reclaims teacake. Waggles it, dips one finger into the half-melted butter and licks it off luxuriantly.
 

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Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :
 
Rudolph catches a sniff of teacakes and moseys into the stable.

Baaaaaaaa!

Catches a glance of black angel and looks at her suspiciously.
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Well, Sheep 3 did manage to get a small piece of the teacake]
 

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Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :
 
I'm not sure I like this Black Angel.

Yawns. Glances at wristsundial.

Gosh, I do hope that ANY OTHER VISITORS WHO MIGHT BE APPROACHING accelerate their arrival. It would be awful to get people turning up just as I decide to take a nap.


 

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Posted by Black Angel (# 3676) on :
 
Realizes she's sharing a tea-cake with a sheep. *Ick* *Ick*. Sheep slobber. Drops teacake hurridly.
 

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Posted by Gabriel (# 827) on :
 
"Let's play cards" is that the best you can come up with for a quiet night in?
 

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Posted by Stable Cat (# 3657) on :
 
*stable cat, still looking for a lap, decides to try out the black angels, and hops up*

prrrrttt?
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Black Angel:
Realizes she's sharing a tea-cake with a sheep. *Ick* *Ick*. Sheep slobber. Drops teacake hurridly.

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quote:

---

Er... did you do that sheep Black Angel?

We could do with a few more that colour around here to brighten up the hillsides

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quote:

---

Originally posted by Black Angel:
How d'you think sheep three would look in a really dark red?

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Deep blood red?

Fancy a nice leg of lamb for dinner as well?
 

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Posted by Black Angel (# 3676) on :
 
*sniffs*

Ohhh, no. I'm vegetarian.

*pats Stable Cat with one hand, rummages in bag with the other*

Anyone want a tic-tac?
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 senses a lot of eyes looking at her, and suddenly becomes interested in a wisp of hay on the floor]

Baaa?

*munch*

[Sheep 3 looks innocently at Angels, etc.]

[ 19. December 2002, 22:48: Message edited by: Musical Director ]
 

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Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :
 
Slides around the other side, trying to sneak up behind Black Angel. Thinks to self, I'd like to see how she'd look in teal.
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 notices some hay on the opposite side of the stable and begins to move in that direction.....]
 

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Posted by Fourth Angel (# 3647) on :
 
Idly helps herself to another tea cake and watches to see the sheep trying to surround Dark Angel

I swear those dumb animals are up to something... not quite sure what. *munch*. Makes for a good show though.
 

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Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mother Mary:
She hands a bottle to the Chief Stage Manager behind the curtains with a quick aside
Just stick that in the microwave for a minute, will you?

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Grabs bottle and pops in microwave. Removes and tests temperature by dripping drops of liquid (whatever it is) on wrist.....

Hands back to Mary.
 

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Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :
 
Sees Black Angel's open purse, and formulates a plan to steal her bottle of teal dye and spray her with it.

Then, remembers, sheep don't have opposable thumbs. Or fingers, for that matter.

Grabs a teacake from the table and slinks back into corner, munching.
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Mary returns with the infant Jesus, who gurgles sweetly as she lays him in the manger. Taking the bottle from the stage manager, she picks up Lavinia and begins to feed her too.
 

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Posted by Stable Cat (# 3657) on :
 
*from cozy spot in black angels lap, stable cat regards sheep balefully, with an expression clearly meaning "shove off, this laps mine"*

mmmrrrrtttt.....
 

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Posted by Black Angel (# 3676) on :
 
Scoops cat up under arm and slouches over to the BVM and Lavinia. She peers closely for a moment or two before asking, Why have you got two?
 

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Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :
 
Whistles "Times, They Are A-Changing". Then whistles "Long Time Gone". Subtle hint - or coincidence?
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Black Angel:
Scoops cat up under arm and slouches over to the BVM and Lavinia. She peers closely for a moment or two before asking, Why have you got two?

---

quote:

---

Whistles "Times, They Are A-Changing". Then whistles "Long Time Gone". Subtle hint - or coincidence?

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quote:

---

Originally posted by Fairy Godmother:
*Waddles over to see baby Lavinia*

I think she'd look good in purple.

*Thinks that if she sould just have some of the purple sheep's wool she may make a nice layette*

---

The wardrobe Mistress made a gorgeous one in dark purple and black lace. It's on the props table.
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Mary casts a serenely surreptitious glance down at the foot of the stage and wonders whether the unexpected visitors she's expecting will actually turn up before page three. Somehow she doubts it. But then, maybe it's just as well.. there's definitely not enough teacakes to go round.
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Thought as much!
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Noticing that everyone seems distracted by the babies, Sheep 3 begins working her way back toward the haybale with the teacakes.]

*nibble on hay*

step, step

*nibble on hay*

step, step
 

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Posted by Fourth Angel (# 3647) on :
 
Yeah. If you're going to be putting eyeliner on anyone, I'd make it Lavinia, Black Angel... really. She's got that sickly goth pallor all on her own accord too.
 

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Posted by Black Angel (# 3676) on :
 

quote:

---

The wardrobe Mistress made a gorgeous one in dark purple and black lace. It's on the props table.

---

Nips over to prop-table to retrieve the goth baby-gro.

Awwww how cute. Ickle Lavinia will look just adorable in it.

And she can have this to go with it.

Rummages in over-large purse. The skull and cross-bones motif is an unusual one for a rattle. But she's trying.
 

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Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :
 
Mary, was that your mobile phone receiving a text message? I'm sure I heard some beeping...


 

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Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mother Mary:
Mary casts a serenely surreptitious glance down at the foot of the stage and wonders whether the unexpected visitors she's expecting will actually turn up before page three. Somehow she doubts it. But then, maybe it's just as well.. there's definitely not enough teacakes to go round.

---

(Prepares another large plate of teacakes and another pot of tea to leave on the props table in case CSM must leave to go to church prior to wise mens arrivals...)
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Smiles sweetly and serenely flicks sheep away from the teacakes using the cloth she'd kindly been loaned by the angels for mopping purposes
 

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Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Black Angel:
No. No pressies. Not even a dumb old sheep. He can borrow my second best eyeliner, though, if he likes.

---

Dumb? Old?

Runs over and butts Black Angel.
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Joseph:
Mary, was that your mobile phone receiving a text message? I'm sure I heard some beeping...

---

Oh yes.... runs to answer her mobile

TXT FROM BRI

TA 4 TXT
HOPE U OK
AM IN PLAZA WIV FG
WILL TRY 2 POP IN
LUV 2 KIDS

BRIAN

Joseph, is that the call you were expecting???
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 manages to snatch a teacake while evading the BVM's snapping towel, and retreats to a safe corner]

*munch*
*gulp*

Baaaaaaaaaaa
 

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Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :
 
Frankly, dear - no.


 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Oh no, there's another text coming in...

TXT FROM YZ MEN

SORRY
DELAY
CAMEL
PUNCTURE
HAVE SENT GIFTS
PARCEL POST
ALL THE BEST
C M B & P
 

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Posted by Black Angel (# 3676) on :
 
*rearranges Stable Cat to free up one arm* *Pats the purple sheep on its purple head*

Not you, silly. (Understanding sheep-bleats is a little known angel talent. Sort of like Parselmouth, but generally less exciting.}

Those boring white ones.
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
So was that the message you were expecting Joseph? Who are these fellows anyway?
 

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Posted by The Cow (# 3656) on :
 
<Lumbers on. Stage right>

Er... Moo
 

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Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :
 
Relaxes as Black Angel pats his purple head. That's more like it. Thinks maybe this Black Angel isn't so bad after all.
 

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Posted by Stable Cat (# 3657) on :
 
*stable cat draps herself comfortably around dark angels shoulders, rather like a lliving stole, and drops off to sleep purring*

puuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
 

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Posted by Wise Man 2 (# 3654) on :
 
An old tour bus with some wise men deep in silent contemplation trundles along the road from Jerusalem to Bethlehem
 

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Posted by Fourth Angel (# 3647) on :
 
*frowns in puzzlement over the text message*

Delay camel puncture? But I don't think we were planning on puncturing a camel, so why would we need to delay it?

This isn't one of those new agey type things is it, where you lie down and they stick needles into you? Camelpuncture?
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Mary nibbles surreptitiously on a rather tasty mince pie which she has managed to pick up from somewhere. She would share if there was enough to go around, honest . She gazes at the text message with a puzzled sigh, as confused as the angel.

Joe, any ideas?
 

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Posted by Black Angel (# 3676) on :
 
*Peers sideways at the text-message*

"HAVE SENT GIFTS" That's the important bit.

Pressies.

Who cares about stupid punctured camels, anyway?
 

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Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 
Verily the roads are atrocious tonight, I know this full well.

Music, anyone?
 

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Posted by Fourth Angel (# 3647) on :
 
Music would be good. And pass the time. Seeing as we've yet to get the cards dealt out.

How about.. hmm... Why Are We Waiting?
 

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Posted by Black Angel (# 3676) on :
 

quote:

---

Music, anyone?

---

Something from Aladdin, maybe?

If it can conjure a genie out of a lamp, maybe it can get a wiseman out of Herod's palace.
 

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Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :
 
Turns to Mary.

Hmmm? Well, I thought maybe those wise guys might have something nice to say about the kids. Well, if they were wise, they would. At least about Jesus. And out of charity, they might manage something about Lavinia too.

Of course, I'm beginning to have my doubts about this alleged wisdom...


 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Mary is startled as her phone begins to ring again. She makes a mental note to change the ring tone from "We Three Kings from Orientar", seeing as they obviously aren't. Maybe Silent Night would be more appropriate

TXT FROM YZ MEN

FORGOT ADORATION
SORRY
NICE KIDS
 

---

Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Fourth Angel:
Music would be good. And pass the time. Seeing as we've yet to get the cards dealt out.

---

We've managed three games of Bridge and a couple of rounds of Poker! Just because you're not allowed to bet, there's no need to get stroppy.

Tell you what, how about a game of "I Spy"?
 

---

Posted by Black Angel (# 3676) on :
 
*pokes the phone in disappointment*

Does that mean no pressies?
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
I spy with my little eye, something beginning with W.M.

Ooops no, sorry.... joke
 

---

Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 
Hmmmm...

'Lazy Poker Blues' by Fleetwood Mac? Or something to get them up in the aisles?
 

---

Posted by Black Angel (# 3676) on :
 

quote:

---

I spy with my little eye, something beginning with W.M.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Joseph:
Something lively. How about La Bamba?

I spy with my little eye something beginning with "J"...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Musical Director:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Joseph:
Something lively. How about La Bamba?

I spy with my little eye something beginning with "J"...

---

Julio Inglesias? He would do a decent La Bamba

Hey! O laba la la bamba!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Black Angel:
*slouches over to one of the ickle babies, her skirts picking up bits of hay as she goes*

Bored now.

*pulls out lipstick (black, of course) and looks speculatively down at the sweet ickle face*

---

quote:

---

Hate to upset you, but no. I was going with obvious ones for the time being. And I'm a bit miffed that Whiney Angel isn't playing!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Joseph:

I spy with my little eye something beginning with "J"...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mother Mary:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Joseph:

I spy with my little eye something beginning with "J"...

---

I know, I know... oh Joseph, you are sweet... it's "Joinery", isn't it?

---

 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Junior?
 

---

Posted by Phil the Wise Guy (# 3678) on :
 
Phil takes out his cell phone and texts to Mary.

WE R HERE
WHERE R U?
 

---

Posted by Fourth Angel (# 3647) on :
 
Hmmm. My spider-sens, er, angel-sense is telling me that those wise men are in need of some guidance.

Do you reckon that cute little purple sheep with the nose-so-bright could go and guide their bus tonight?
 

---

Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mother Mary:
Junior?

---

 

---

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 kicks Rudolph, trying to wake him up]

Baaaaaaa.

*kick*

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[ 19. December 2002, 23:41: Message edited by: Musical Director ]
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Phil the Wise Guy:
Phil takes out his cell phone and texts to Mary.

WE R HERE
WHERE R U?

---

TXT TO YZ GUY
WE R HERE
W8ING
PATIENTLY

BVM


 

---

Posted by Fourth Angel (# 3647) on :
 
Looks at Sheep 3

Well if Rudolf won't wake up, I'm sure you'd serve. And I bet that Black Angel left something behind in that make up bag of hers so that your nose could glow just as well as his...
 

---

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 looks at Angel 4, panics, and attempts to get away]

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
 

---

Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :
 
Hey, only wake me up if there's an earthquake or something. I'm shattered!

Curls up next to bale.

And when those "wise" men arrive, give them a kicking from me. I'd do it myself, but my legs hurt.


 

---

Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :
 
Wakes up

Somebody call my name? Someone needing a light?

Nose glows.
 

---

Posted by Phil the Wise Guy (# 3678) on :
 
Phil lights his cheap cigar and blows a smoke ring into the frosty night.

"Damn, but I wish we had a guide to where dis kid's hangin' out. Yo, Wise Man 2, maybe we'll get a sheep with a glowy nose, eh?!"

Phil dissolves into laughter.
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Joseph:

I spy with my little eye something beginning with "J"...

---

Ah, I get it now..... jingle bell!
 

---

Posted by Chief Angel (# 3706) on :
 
*sings (to the tune of We 3 Kings)*

We wise men and assorted magi
Are on tour but don't know where
We found a palace
But no Messiah
Out in Jerusalem

Oo-oh tour bus driver
Drive us fast
Up to Bethlehem at last
The star is leading
Still proceeding
Right up to a stable there

*It is, of course, the WM&AMs' theme tune...*
 

---

Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 
It's slow tonight isn't it? The piano player has fallen asleep on his keyboard. Fortunately to his right, so we've got a nice angelic tinkly sound. If he had slumped the other way I would have had to give you an earthquake by now.

Should I do a fanfare to wake everyone up?
 

---

Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mother Mary:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Joseph:

I spy with my little eye something beginning with "J"...

---

Ah, I get it now..... jingle bell!

---

In a sleepy voice from the land of dreams:

Definitely not.
 

---

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :
 
Sees three oddly overdressed men walking through field

Err, excuse me? Are you looking for something?
 

---

Posted by Phil the Wise Guy (# 3678) on :
 
Geez, ya know, <directs voice to offstage> IT WOULDA BEEN NICE IF DAT STAR HAD HUNG AROUND! Sheesh!

Hey, what's dat glow comin' down da road? Cops?
 

---

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :
 
Chief, put that rifle down! They're not doing any harm.

If I didn't know better I think they've got something to do with that strange family we visited last night. You know, the ones with the s-t-r-a-n-g-e daughter!
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
TXT 2 YZ GUY

FOLLOW THAT SHEEP
 

---

Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :
 
Bored, Rudolph wanders out of the stable, thinking there must be something going on out here that's more exciting than watching Joseph sleep.

Baaaaaaaaaa!
 

---

Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 
Follow the brightly-nosed sheep
Follow the brightly-nosed sheep
Follow, follow, follow, follow
Follow the brightly-nosed sheep...
 

---

Posted by Chief Angel (# 3706) on :
 
*As nothing much seems to be happening, Chief Angel tries verses 2 and 3*

They have stopped to take a break
And can hardly ke-ep awake, but
Phil the wise guy
Leads the action
As he smokes his last cigar

*Well, you never know when the rapture's going to happen do you?*

Oo-oh tour bus driver
Drive us fast
Up to Bethlehem at last
The star is leading
Still proceeding
Right up to a stable there

Rudolph with your nose so bright
You may be a shining light
Wise mens' redemption
From Mary's irate-ion
They could follow your nose here

Altogether now:

Oo-oh tour bus driver
Drive us fast
Up to Bethlehem at last
The star is leading
Still proceeding
Right up to a stable there


 

---

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :
 
Sees purple sheep with familiar glowing red nose

Rudolph, over here! Go and lead those men over there to the stable. There's some nice grass to eat if you do...
 

---

Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :
 
Continues walking down the road. Odd that there's no one out tonight. Nose keeps glowing.

Baaaaaaa! Baaaaaaa!
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Mary glances again at the hidden watch. They'd better hurry up or she'll turn into a pumpkin and then what will they do?
 

---

Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mother Mary:
Mary glances again at the hidden watch. They'd better hurry up or she'll turn into a pumpkin and then what will they do?

---

Feast on pumpkin pie for at least 3 months
 

---

Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :
 
Sees Deputy Chief Shepard. He says, men, over, where?

Baaaaaaaaaa!

There's grass in it for me? Have some Black Sheep hidden in that grass and you've got a deal!

Walks over to some strange-looking men, who look oddly familiar.

Baaaaa! Baaaaa!
 

---

Posted by Phil the Wise Guy (# 3678) on :
 
Phil elbows Wise Man 2 in the ribs and points with his cigar: "Look, a glowy sheep! Well, I'll be dipped in shi--"

"BAAA!"

"Ummm, yeah, ok."

Phil and Wise Man 2 climb back onboard the bus.

"OK driver dude, follow dat sheep!"
 

---

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep:
Have some Black Sheep hidden in that grass and you've got a deal!Baaaaa! Baaaaa!

---

Oh, OK then, wouldn't mind one myself. And there may be teacakes as well.

Why am I talking to the sheep?
 

---

Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :
 
Is having very vivid dreams about slapping wise men with cod.

Snghgh... take that... grgrgr... and that... hmptptp... I'll teach you to keep Jesus waiting...

Zzzzzz.

Stands, still asleep. Sleepwalks over to Music Director. Slaps him, muttering "insulting git". Returns to spot by bale. Curls up.


 

---

Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :
 
Seeing those two strange men climb onto a very strange looking bus, and approach him. Rudolph wonders, what the heck. I'll invite these guys back to the stable. They'll liven up the party at least.

Starts walking back to the stable, nose glowing.

Baaaaaa! Baaaaaaa!
 

---

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3, startled by Joseph's sudden lunging about, bolts from stable]

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Mary sees her sweet husband, so manly in defence of her reputation, settle down and go to sleep, nursing the still sleeping Lavinia (what did he put in that bottle????). She suddenly feels tired too. She takes a piece of paper from her handbag and hurriedly writes on it, then takes it and uses one of Joseph's nails to pin it to the door

SORRY
ALL ASLEEP
PLEASE LEAVE GIFTS BY DOOR
AND COME BACK LATER
 

---

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :
 
*Runs after the bus*

Hey, wait for me. {pant}

*bus disappears into distance*

Typical! {pant} And you try to help...

Ah, well at least I've got the beer.

Pours himself a Black Sheep and settles down back in the field
 

---

Posted by Chief Wise Man (# 3674) on :
 
[Fade-in: presidential suite. CWM snores loudly. Then snark, Snort, SNEEZE. He awakes with a start.]

Oh geez. shakes head. I had a strange and wonderful dream. tear wells up in one eye and dribbles down his cheek. I dreamed I was in a better place...

gets up. looks around. notices the sundial.

HO-lee Cyril and Lavinia! Look at the time! I'm missing out on the Big Scene!

Runs out of room, arms, robes and feather war-bonnet akimbo. Darts out of main hotel entrance and jumps into the back seat of a waiting cab

To Ephrathah! And Step on it!

cab roars off into the distance
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Mary shuts the stable door quietly and tiptoes over to the manger. Jesus seems to wink at her, then falls asleep. She decides to do likewise and curls up alongside Joseph, hoping against hope that the babies will sleep through.
 

---

Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :
 
Continues walking toward stable. As Rudolph approaches, the strange bus following, wonders why all the lights are out.

Baaaaaa?
 

---

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 realizes it is cold outside and returns to the stable, only to find the door shut and barred. She stands staring at it, chewing her cud, waiting for it to open again.]

Baaa.
 

---

Posted by Chief Wise Man (# 3674) on :
 
[Fade-in: Cabbie careening wildly, honking madly, through City of David backstreets. White bearded man with dunce cap garnished with eagle feathers is shouting and gesticulating from the back seat. Camera pans up towards horizon where Stable is showered in dazzling light streaming down from star above]


 

---

Posted by The Cow (# 3656) on :
 
<Peeps out of the darkened doorway>

Moo.
 

---

Posted by The Cow (# 3656) on :
 
<Slides back bolt on stable door with dexterity unusual in a cow>

Psst! They're all asleep in here!
 

---

Posted by Chief Wise Man (# 3674) on :
 
[Fade-in: Cab screeches to a halt a block away from the stable. Streets too narrow. Too many people and $%@! sheep to get through. CWM jumps out with large-ish package under his arm; throws shekels at driver and yells his thanks. Hurry's off down the alley toward the glowey stable.]
 

---

Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :
 
Sees light shining down from the star above, illuminating the stable. Breathes sigh of relief. Good thing the light's back on. You'd think everyone inside would be sleeping, otherwise.

Pauses in front of stable door, sees door cracked open with cow sticking nose out.

Baaaaaaaa! Baaaaaaaa!
 

---

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 nuzzles Cow]

baa
 

---

Posted by Chief Wise Man (# 3674) on :
 
[camera zooms into badge on trunk of cabbie. Of course ---

it's a Mustang.]
 

---

Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :
 
Sees cow duck back inside, bolting the door shut.

What do you mean, everyone's asleep???

Baaaaaaa! Baaaaaaa! Baaaaaaa!
 

---

Posted by Chief Wise Man (# 3674) on :
 
[Fade-in: CWM edging his way through the crowd, knocking sundry and various with his unweildy package. He suddenly breaks free from the crowd in front of the stable when who should he run into ...? ]
 

---

Posted by The Cow (# 3656) on :
 
<Sees breathless wise {?} man>

Only one of you?! They were expecting more! And how rude to be so late!

You'd better have a good present mate! Leave it on the doorstep.
 

---

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 glares at CWM, lowers head.....]

baaaaaaa
 

---

Posted by Chief Wise Man (# 3674) on :
 
[CWM looks around furtively]

pssst. Phil? WM2? Guys... this is your cue... yer supposed to converge here with me ... ohhhh guyyyysss...
 

---

Posted by The Cow (# 3656) on :
 
<taking pity>

I'll let you in if you've got a present for me too, and if you promise not to wake the others.
 

---

Posted by Chief Wise Man (# 3674) on :
 
[CWM apparently makes up his mind about something and stops looking around. He straightens up, big package still under arm, cinches his belt, straightens his bonnet and strides forward past sheep and cow to stable door and jerks it open.]

Whaaaa!?

[He is greeted by this < tableau >]
 

---

Posted by The Cow (# 3656) on :
 
How do you like Fairy G's painting? Not bad eh? Now where's my present?
 

---

Posted by Chief Wise Man (# 3674) on :
 
[The Large Mural of strange group of critters parts to reveal the Holy Family (TM) in restful repose. A beam of light streams down from above ...


onto the feeding trough where an infant gurgles and coos. Exhausted parents are laying about in the hay. Assorted animals are hurrying to and fro, cleaning up, oggling the scene, elbowing each other and generally making themselves look foolish.]
 

---

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 peeks around the stable door after CWM jerks it open and stares in wonder at these cousins]

Baaaaaaaa
 

---

Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :
 
Looks behind him for that strange-looking bus that was following him, wonders where it went.

Anyway, walks into the stable, nose glowing, and foolishly trips over stable cat.

Baaaaaaaa!
 

---

Posted by Chief Wise Man (# 3674) on :
 
CWM stands, gobsmacked. Music swells underneath him and he takes slow, hesitant steps forward towards the feeding trough. He holds the large Oval-shaped wrapped package before him as he approaches the aMAZing Jesus.

A honey-cured, hickory smoked Virginia (what else?) ham falls out from underneath his robe. There is a small sticker attached:

"Dear Chief,
Plz give to Baby King.
Luv,
Herdmann family"

Mutters: Well that should keep until Easter at least...
 

---

Posted by Phil the Wise Guy (# 3678) on :
 
With a shriek of ancient hydraulics, the tour bus grinds to a halt outside the stable.

The bus door BANGS open and Phil and WM2 jump out.

PHIL: "Ok, dat radioactive sheep squoze in dere, so dis mus' be da place! <looks at WM2> Now, where's our stuff? Whadda we got to give da lil' baby J?"

"Hey, wait a sec! <snaps fingers> hat if Joe's packin' heat? Not to smart ta jus' boist in dere like some Chi-town stumble bums. Here...."

<Phil rummages around in one of the bus cargo lockers and puts something on. He turns around and WE SEE he's wearing: A ragged Santa hat, a Whitesnake Christmas 1988 tour t-shirt, and carrying a large floppy black bag marked, "Samaritan Sam's Septic Service Supplies."

Phil: "Cheez, what a great idea, eh? Dress up like Santa! Dat way, everyone's cool! I even found a few trinkets for da J man. Let's go!"

Phil and WM2 walk to the stable door, Phil practicing his "HO, HO, HO!"s....
 

---

Posted by Chief Wise Man (# 3674) on :
 
CWM gestures to other WM

Shhhhsssshhh!
 

---

Posted by The Cow (# 3656) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chief Wise Man:
Assorted animals are hurrying to and fro, cleaning up, oggling the scene, elbowing each other and generally making themselves look foolish.

---

Foolish eh? D'you hear that sheeps? And I never elnowed anyonein my life I tell you!

[ 20. December 2002, 01:07: Message edited by: Musical Director ]
 

---

Posted by Chief Wise Man (# 3674) on :
 
CWM again, with hesitant steps, approaches the trough and places the package against it. He cocks his head as the baby giggles (and burps)
 

---

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 cringes against the side of the stable. Looks up at the brilliant star which appeared last night...]

Baaaa.

[...and wonders what "Toujours gai" means, but feels strangely comforted and able to deal with all these crazy Wise Men.]

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
 

---

Posted by Passer-by 3 (# 3711) on :
 
[Enters stage right (backwards) unravelling long measuring tape. Exits stage left continuing to unravel the same aforementioned long measuring tape]
 

---

Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :
 
Picks self up after tripping over cat, and then trips over measuring tape.

Baaaaaaa..
 

---

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3, intrigued by the measuring tape, follows Passer-by off stage.]

Baaaa?
 

---

Posted by Phil the Wise Guy (# 3678) on :
 
Phil the Wise Guy looks at the serene scene before him and slowly approaches the trough, endeavoring not to trip over any of the silly animals.

WM2 follows behind, his eyes glinting brightly as he clutches a bag with the mystic sigil "Tesco" emblazoned on the front.
 

---

Posted by The Cow (# 3656) on :
 
<Sits down on measuring tape. Falls asleep, snoring gently and dreaming heart-warming dreams.>
 

---

Posted by Chief Wise Man (# 3674) on :
 
[CWM starts backing away. As he passes by BVM, he hesitates and a thoughtful expression crosses his face. He puts his hand in his robe pocket and pulls out a small jar. He places it in BVM's lap. and then continues to back out of the stable carefully and reverently.

Camera zooms in on BVM and then onto the object in her lap. It's < a jar of babyfood > certain to fix the burps.


 

---

Posted by Chief Wise Man (# 3674) on :
 
[CWM stops to observe the lovely scene before him as his partners-in-cri... er, compadres move forward to bestore their gifts.

CWM feels a feline animal rub up against his leg and reaches down absent-mindedly to scratch kitty between the ears. His fingers encounter something sooner than anticipated. Puzzlement crosses his face. He looks down. He starts.

< Kitty> purrs affectionately.

[ 20. December 2002, 12:04: Message edited by: Musical Director ]
 

---

Posted by Phil the Wise Guy (# 3678) on :
 
Phil hsssts! to CWM:

"Are you done yet wit yer Kodak moment? Quit messin' around wit da big kitty and let us have our turn!"
 

---

Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :
 
Picks self up again, starts nosing around these Wise Men to see if any of them brought any Black Sheep.

Baaaaaa!
 

---

Posted by Chief Wise Man (# 3674) on :
 
[CWM stands thoughtfully, pondering the significance of the event. He mutters to himself as he thinks aloud ...]

I wonder what they're going to name him?

[an odd, red-nosed sheep with a radiation warning branded on his backside sidles up to CWM and starts scratching figures in the dirt on the stable floor. CWM watches with growing amazement as the marks develop into <this>.
 

---

Posted by Phil the Wise Guy (# 3678) on :
 
Phil looks over CWM's shoulder at the figures scratched in the dust by the radioactive sheep.

"BILL? They're going to name him BILL?"
 

---

Posted by Chief Wise Man (# 3674) on :
 
Not comPLETEly sure about this, Phil. But in their language, I think it spells: y'shua. Hmm. God Saves. Funny name to saddle a little kid with, eh?
 

---

Posted by Angel 3 (# 3687) on :
 
(To Phil the Wise Guy)
No, sheep can't spell. He means Black. As in beer. Did you bring some - if not... (with a glare at the presumptous Gabriel)
As for you, I have businesses to run, people to be, places to see and so on. "Out without permission" indeed!!
 

---

Posted by Angel 3 (# 3687) on :
 
(To CWM)

But it's the right name for him, the only name. The other part of it is a title.
 

---

Posted by Phil the Wise Guy (# 3678) on :
 
Phil shakes his head sorrowfully.

"Nope, still looks like 'Bill' to me. 'Course, he is da Savior, da Messiah, da Big Paisan from Upstairs, but I woulda thought they woulda gone fer a name like...erm...uhhh...'Vinny'! Yeah, dat's da ticket!

O man...you know how long it's gonna be before she <points sneakered toe at snoring BVM> learns how to make a decent marinara sauce? She's just a kid, so's her ol' man! Kids raisin' kids! Sheesh!

Well, kids or not, He's here and you gotta do what you gotta do.

Phil rummages in the black bag.

"I dint know what to get her, but I got dis great box o' smokes for da kid. Genuwine Cuban Frankincense cigars an alla dat, I was gonna smoke 'em, den I t'ought better of it. <Lays box of cigars at Jesus' feet.> They'll come in handy when he gets married, has kids of his own."

He looks more closely at BJ. "Man, he's gonna get cold!"

Phil pulls out an infant-sized Whitesnake Christmas Tour t-shirt and gently tucks it around the sleeping baby.

He rummages in the bag again, pulls out a folded paper deed and tucks it in Joseph's robe.

"For Joey, me and da boys went in and bought him a lil' woodshop in Nazareth and a set a power toolz. It's only right; he's just startin' out, he should have his own place. Don't worry, no strings and it's clean, da Romans can't trace nuttin' back to him or to us."

"For da Beevem, I just dint know what to get 'er. Den some friends and I found dis mink coat what had...ahh...dropped offa dis speeding truck, see? Too dark to read da name, so what wuz we gonna do? Let a poifectly good coat go ta waste? It's a Myrrh brand coat, supposeda be da best."

Phil gently spreads the coat over the sleeping BVM, who turns, still snoring, and begins to drool a bit.

Phil looks at the sleeping family, pauses a bit, then softly recites: "Glory to God in the highest, and peace on earth to all men."

He pauses for a beat, then whips out an enormous hankie and honks into it.
 

---

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 stares in awe at the two Wise Men, forgetting even to chew her cud.]

Baaaa-AAA-aaaa
 

---

Posted by Angel 3 (# 3687) on :
 
(Pats Phil on the shoulder)
There, there. It's always the big tough guys who have the mushiest hearts. Thoughtful and well - something has to be done with Joseph after this is over.
(Joseph slumbers on - mouth open, emitting a snore like a Bible Buzzsaw (TM). Curiously, Lavinia slumbers on. What was in that bottle?) His own carpentry shop is a start. Mind you it doesn't come with any sinister connections does it?

Time for a spot of adoration - where are the rest of the presents?
 

---

Posted by Phil the Wise Guy (# 3678) on :
 
Phil scratches his head.

"Whaddya mean, 'rest of the presents'? Dis is all I could grab after dodging Herod's goons. I dunno, mebbe Wise Man 2 here has something to contribute?"

Phil glowers meaningfully at WM2.

<aside to Angel>: "I kin get 'em a great deal on some naugahyde furniture, French kitchen blenders and some really spiffy three piece wool robes, straight offa da rack in Milan! Just say da word!"
 

---

Posted by Jedi Knight (# 3686) on :
 
JK enters stage left.

<whispers to Angel 3>

Hi, I see the happy family are getting a little shut-eye. Don't want to wake them up, but just wanted to drop off a couple of gifts. You'll see that BVM gets them, won't you?

Jedi Knight lays gifts of baby wipes, two cute little matching Minnesota Twins baseball onesies, a large diaper bag (with supplies). Then JK hangs above the manger a hand-made quilt embroidered with "Toujours gai" and cats and M_M all over. Obviously a gift of love from someone who loves the Little Lord Jesus.

JK leaves stage right.
 

---

Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :
 
Rudolph gazes up at the quilt, sheds a tear.

Rudolph then curls up next to the manger and goes to sleep.
 

---

Posted by Chief Wise Man (# 3674) on :
 
Whispers::

Well, we'll just not clutter up this place anymore.

C'mon Phil and WM2, let's go out and take the tour bus to the nearest Mailboxes, Etc. and we'll drop ship the "rest of the presents" we got at Harrod's to Nazareth. I'm sure the poor mum will want to ponder in her heart the meaning of the gifts given after she's recovered a bit.

All three WPs exunt the stable, leaving the peaceful scene as the animals also bed down for the remainder of the night.

Rudolf, the radioactive sheep shifts against the gift that CWM laid against the trough and wrapping falls away to reveal <this>. A fitting accoutrement for the Prince of Peace.

Cue: soft singing of "Silent Night, Holy Night" by the gathering, hushed and respectful angels.
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
Baaa..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
 

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Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Mother Mary:
Aside

Pssst, Chief Stage Manager. Have a look on the props table and see if there are any pressies left lying about there. Some cash, some perfume for me, or even a tube of baby lotion will do. Then get into your postperson outfit and bring them in.

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(Just returning from church) Oh yeah, am I late on this one. Well, it's never too late. With it being the holiday gift-giving season, I'm sure postpeople are working 24/7, so I can make this delivery...

*gathers rubies, diamonds, Roman coins, musk and lavendar scented oils and perfumes, 2 tubes of zinc oxide baby ointment and beeswax night lights from props table.....puts on postperson cap and walks onstage....:

SORRY
ALL ASLEEP
PLEASE LEAVE GIFTS BY DOOR
AND COME BACK LATER

*Lays gifts in doorway, bows and makes Orthodox sign of the cross three times and exits stage left.
 

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Posted by Donkey (# 3752) on :
 
(Donkey comes to the stable. He has been out all night looking at the new star streaking across the sky towards the Southern Cross. He has watched it for a long time now. He doesn't know why, but it makes him sad. He looks to the stable where lies so much joy. Tear tracks run down his face, joy and sadness from the same place. He enters the stable and lies down in the straw as close to the manger as possible.)
 

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Posted by Spare Shepherd (# 3690) on :
 
Meanwhile, up in the hills around Bethlehem, the shepherds are with the sheep. The Spare Shepherd is thinking, with awe and reverence, of recent events...

"Bugger.... never meant to give them my best drum-but the other one, the older one from Target Stores (Xmas Special last year). Still at least I have that one left, and can still drum a fetching little ditty for the guys up here on the hillside."

The Spare Shepherd plays a fetching little ditty on the second-best drum from Target Stores (Xmas Special last year).

pa rum pa rum pa pa pa
 

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Posted by Director (# 3664) on :
 
Wanders in, nods approvingly at sleeping family; wanders off to dressing room where she continues with present-wrapping session.
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Mary wakes momentarily, turns and views a peaceful stable scene. She sees the gifts placed by the manger and ponders these things in her heart.

What on earth....?

Reluctant to disturb the slumber of the babies, her husband, varied animals, and a random angel, she turns over and goes back to sleep, dreaming of strange visitors from distant lands in different time-zones
 

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Posted by Baby Jesus (# 3729) on :
 
Baby Jesus wakes, opens his eyes, and looks at the presents which have appeared while he slept. What's this at his feet? A box of cigars??? Well, he's sure daddy will enjoy them, as he himself is rather too young. Or if daddy's not quick enough, Lavinia is sure to be interested... Resolves to try and keep them hidden from her - for her own good, of course!

Looks up at the quilt which someone has hung over the manger, and sees the love which is displayed therein

Almost wishes that someone had remembered to bring some toys as gifts, but then remembers that the traditional gifts are supposed to foretell his future. Tries not to think too much about what these gifts of cigars and t-shirts might suggest...

Remembers the nice jingly bell and its pretty bow which that lovely sheep 3 gave him. Now, where did that go...? Ah, here it is

*jingle*



*jingle*


 

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Posted by Angel 3 (# 3687) on :
 
(It's very quiet in the stable. The grown ups are still asleep. Baby Jesus has his bell with the beautiful cerulean bow. Lavinia is still sleeping off what ever it was her doting pa slipped into her bottle. It's morning. Angel 3 has had a long night, but then angels don't need much sleep. They also speak Baby. She looks about at the gifts.)

You've done well. The thing is some of those gifts are prophecies of your life to come and some - well, they're gifts of love, pure and simple.

Welcome to this world. You have great things to do here, but not quite yet.

I'm not exactly the mightiest of the Heavenly Host and certainly not the most spiritual. Frivolous and rather venal would be closer to the mark.

You will grow and learn. One day you will take up your mission here and it will end in pain. But triumph lies beyond that pain and great joy.

<*jingle*>

Yes, it will work out gloriously. Incidentally, if I do find a cure for your stepfather's extraordinary snoring, I'll be straight back here with it. "Waking" and "the dead" spring to mind. So here is a present from me.
( She produces a soft woollen cap and a pair of earmuffs. She puts them on Baby Jesus and then quietly slips away to stand guard outside.)
 

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Posted by Assorted Strings (# 3652) on :
 
<Leaving the strings behind, Assorted Strings picks up a flute instead, and gently plays Fields of Gold.>
 

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Posted by angel 5 (# 3696) on :
 
the littlest angel goes up and kisses Jesus gently...
and then stands looking up at assorted strings, with tears in her eyes...
she also kisses the evil twin. cos she doesn't think she's that evil at all...


 

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Posted by Narrator (# 3680) on :
 
Wise men have come
Their gifts to bestow.
Thought some of them were
Really quite slow.

Lacking a star
A sheep had to lead
It showed them the way
Which they did sore need.

Its fleece was deep mauve
Its nose very red
But it showed them
The way to head.

When they arrived
Helped by the sheep
The holy babe
Was fast asleep.

Some gifts they left
With th’heavenly host.
They rest they’re going
To send by post.
 

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© Ship of Fools 2016


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