Thread: Christmas, enough already Board: Hell / Ship of Fools.


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Posted by Joesaphat (# 18493) on :
 
Why do we have to eat mince pies everywhere, and dried fruits in everything? Why cranberry filling in chicken burgers? And who the fuck decreed that cinnamon is the 'Christmas spice'? or nutmeg? I do not want them in my coffee. I really do not. It's the 1st of December. I've not yet presided over a single one of the dozens of school and parish services lined up and I'm already gastric-ally annoyed by Christmas, as if being a vegetarian at this time were not enough.
 
Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
Seriously, is somebody forcing you to eat these? I manage to avoid them (allergies) and find plenty of other things to eat.
 
Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on :
 
Well, it does seem that you're some form of freak if you go into a coffee shop wanting a simple, unadulterated, hot black coffee. Adding "Christmas spice" to the vast list of options of strange things people do to coffee makes no real difference.
 
Posted by Goldfish Stew (# 5512) on :
 
And a merry Christmas to you too, Mr Scrooge.
 
Posted by Boogie (# 13538) on :
 
Bah humbug!

I manage to avoid 99% of it by having everything done - presents bought, cards written etc etc by the end of November. The tree is bought and outside ready to be put up in a week or so.

**smug zone**
 
Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Seriously, is somebody forcing you to eat these? I manage to avoid them (allergies) and find plenty of other things to eat.

That was my reaction as well. Sure, there are a lot more mince pies around right now, but I've managed to avoid actually putting one in my mouth thus far. In fact, it wasn't even difficult to do so.
 
Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :
 
Here it's pumpkin-everything as part of the Thanksgiving/Xmas block then continuing on with large doses of peppermint as the Big Day approaches. I am very fond of pumpkin pie but can live without pumpkin latte, pumpkin cookies, pumpkin ice cream, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin soup, and pumpkin cookies. And I might suck on one, small candy cane before the season is over- no peppermint-anything-else. But that's it. Like most people here, I can avoid being force-fed this stuff.

Harder to avoid are Christmas carol earworms. I manage to stay out of the malls. I Xmas shop online as much as possible. But I do have to go to the grocery store occasionally where they assault us with pop holiday muzac and poorly done holiday classics. [brick wall]
 
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Alan Cresswell:
Well, it does seem that you're some form of freak if you go into a coffee shop wanting a simple, unadulterated, hot black coffee.

But it can be done. Personally I don't give a flying you-know-what about what store clerks think about my choice of beverage.
 
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
I am very fond of pumpkin pie but can live without pumpkin latte, pumpkin cookies, pumpkin ice cream, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin soup, and pumpkin cookies.

Yeah, but I can't live without McDonald's pumpkin shakes.

quote:
Harder to avoid are Christmas carol earworms . . . pop holiday muzak and poorly done holiday classics.
But it makes one all the more grateful that God created Palestrina, Bach and Robert Shaw.
 
Posted by mr cheesy (# 3330) on :
 
Ah y'know, I've previously been the Christmas grinch, but I'm quite enjoying this time. I think it comes from reading 19th century cookbooks (in search of an "authentic" Christmas pudding recipe) and finding that the authors were more miserable than me.

It also helps to live somewhere that doesn't have much to spend on fancy street lighting and where there isn't a £4-a-cup Starbucks.
 
Posted by Uncle Pete (# 10422) on :
 
I love mincemeat tarts or little pies but that I get year round as an elderly Scots in my walking club shares once a month with us. The rest of the Christmas crap I can do without, which is why I love to spend Christmas where Christianity is a minority religious group.

PS I tried an eggnog flat white from an American coffee chain this year. It was foul.
 
Posted by Moo (# 107) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
Here it's pumpkin-everything as part of the Thanksgiving/Xmas block then continuing on with large doses of peppermint as the Big Day approaches. I am very fond of pumpkin pie but can live without pumpkin latte, pumpkin cookies, pumpkin ice cream, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin soup, and pumpkin cookies.

And then there's pumpkin spice coffee. [Projectile]

Moo
 
Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
quote:
Originally posted by Alan Cresswell:
Well, it does seem that you're some form of freak if you go into a coffee shop wanting a simple, unadulterated, hot black coffee.

But it can be done. Personally I don't give a flying you-know-what about what store clerks think about my choice of beverage.
I know. And, that's a very reasonable and sensible statement.

But, this is Hell. Where we get to moan about walking down the road and being assaulted by overly jolly people forcing mince pies and festive-spiced coffee down our throats, shoving party hats on our heads and forcing us to sing Christmas carols in Advent. Because our streets are dangerous places, and if we step outside our front door we will be forced to participate in the festivities.
 
Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
We have a rule in our household: nothing remotely Christmassy until after my birthday which, falling within a fortnight, gives some relief.

But then we expand Christmas at the other end to always go up to the Epiphany for decorations and Candlemas for general Christmassy stuff that we like.

Anyone else noticed that once 'The Day' has gone people seem hell-bent on getting rid of decorations, etc? A friend's church is even celebrating The Epiphany on 1st January [Eek!]
 
Posted by mr cheesy (# 3330) on :
 
Here's a suggestion for anyone who is sick of it: make your own damn coffee, bake your own cakes and listen to radio in a language you don't understand.

You might even find the carols rather more palatable if you don't understand them. Works for me.
 
Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :
 
mr cheesy:
quote:
...and listen to radio in a language you don't understand.
Pandora and classical KUSC work for me.
 
Posted by mr cheesy (# 3330) on :
 
I'm rather enjoying listening to Christmas music in Welsh, of which I understand about 1 word in 100. Nadolig* sounds rather more interesting yn Gymraeg**.

*Christmas

**In Welsh
 
Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
I am very fond of pumpkin pie but can live without pumpkin latte, pumpkin cookies, pumpkin ice cream, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin soup, and pumpkin cookies.

Yeah, but I can't live without McDonald's pumpkin shakes.
My local coffeehouse has pumpkin scones, which might make the purists' hair stand on end, but I love them. And I have a recipe for pumpkin cheesecake that I make once a year.

It's the ubiquitous Christmas muzak that makes me reconsider my membership in the human race. Just about all the other Christmas BS I can avoid, but I do have to go to the grocery store.
 
Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :
 
Exactly.
 
Posted by quetzalcoatl (# 16740) on :
 
My local mall often has a live trio playing various bits of classical music, with some Grimbletide* stuff thrown in, very nice usually, but it's not muzak of course. (*Can't use the C-word yet, a family tradition).
 
Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by mr cheesy:
I'm rather enjoying listening to Christmas music in Welsh, of which I understand about 1 word in 100. Nadolig* sounds rather more interesting yn Gymraeg**.

*Christmas

**In Welsh

This is good advice:

Ehstehn yayau deh tsawn we yisus ahattonnia
O na wateh wado, kwi nonnwa ndaskwa entai
ehnau sherskwa trivota nonnwa ndi yaun rashata*

Have courage you who are human beings, Jesus, he is born
The bad-tricky spirit who enslaved us has fled
Don't listen to him for he corrupts the spirits of our thoughts


*Wendat language- Yisus Ahattonnia (Jesus he is born) called the Huron Carol in English, with rather different English lyrics. Familiar to all Canadians, written in 1600-something. I sang it in choir as a kid. Youtube link to a version I like.

Don't listen to things which corrupt the spirit of your thoughts.
 
Posted by mr cheesy (# 3330) on :
 
That's nice sounding, np. I bet it gets pretty tiresome pretty quickly though.
 
Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :
 
Which is everything ain't it? I really dislike quite a number of Christmas songs: Jingle Bell Rock, Feliz Navidad, and the entire Boney M Christmas album.
 
Posted by Fineline (# 12143) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Alan Cresswell:
Well, it does seem that you're some form of freak if you go into a coffee shop wanting a simple, unadulterated, hot black coffee. Adding "Christmas spice" to the vast list of options of strange things people do to coffee makes no real difference.

I am continuing to order my usual soy dry cappuccino and no eyebrows have been raised - the barista just asks 'Your usual!' and I say yes. Though I am having the Christmas blend - it seems totally unrelated to Christmas and is just a nicer coffee than the regular one, and for no extra price if you've previously ordered enough cappuccinos to have a gold membership!

I guess I must live in a world of my own, but I seem to avoid whatever Christmas barrage there is. I've not even seen a mince pie. True, the coffee shops are playing Christmas carols, but I find that a nice change from their usual music - they could play carols all year long and I wouldn't mind.
 
Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Alan Cresswell:
But, this is Hell. Where we get to moan about walking down the road and being assaulted by overly jolly people forcing mince pies and festive-spiced coffee down our throats, shoving party hats on our heads and forcing us to sing Christmas carols in Advent. Because our streets are dangerous places, and if we step outside our front door we will be forced to participate in the festivities.

You probably will at some point. 'Tis the season of office Christmas lunches. [Devil]
 
Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on :
 
Maybe, but I can't remember the last time we had a work Christmas lunch. Probably 2011.
 
Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
How have you managed to avoid them? Almost every organization usually has some enthusiastic soul who loves organizing these events.
 
Posted by Japes (# 5358) on :
 
We got rid of our staff Christmas lunch a couple of years ago and get to go home two hours early instead.

Those who want to party do it on their own time and on their own money in one of the local-to-work pubs we're not collectively banned from and the rest of us batten down the hatches well away from the mayhem.
 
Posted by Joesaphat (# 18493) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Marvin the Martian:
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Seriously, is somebody forcing you to eat these? I manage to avoid them (allergies) and find plenty of other things to eat.

That was my reaction as well. Sure, there are a lot more mince pies around right now, but I've managed to avoid actually putting one in my mouth thus far. In fact, it wasn't even difficult to do so.
I'm the vicar, I spend an inordinate amount of time drinking teas and coffees and eating mince pies and other Christmasy nibbles. I may lack backbone but I simply cannot find it in me to pre-emptively say: 'omit the cinnamon.' Anyway, if you go to high street joints, you won't be given a choice, they'll sprinkle your mocha whether you want it or not.
 
Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
The café a friend and I went to on Advent Sunday evening was playing the usual cheesy Winterfest muzak, but we managed to survive the ordeal, and were later refreshed by the Advent service in the nearby Cathedral.

Here, however, is a rather cheerful version of a well-known Winterfest song - in Swedish:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wtuhjivzxE&nohtml5=False

[Devil]

IJ
 
Posted by Evangeline (# 7002) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by RuthW:
quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
I am very fond of pumpkin pie but can live without pumpkin latte, pumpkin cookies, pumpkin ice cream, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin soup, and pumpkin cookies.

Yeah, but I can't live without McDonald's pumpkin shakes.
My local coffeehouse has pumpkin scones, which might make the purists' hair stand on end, but I love them. And I have a recipe for pumpkin cheesecake that I make once a year.

It's the ubiquitous Christmas muzak that makes me reconsider my membership in the human race. Just about all the other Christmas BS I can avoid, but I do have to go to the grocery store.

Pumpkin isn't a Christmas thing in Australia. Pumpkin scones, however, are a year round thing much favoured by the Country Women's Association. they're good.
 
Posted by Jay-Emm (# 11411) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Seriously, is somebody forcing you to eat these? I manage to avoid them (allergies) and find plenty of other things to eat.

I managed to pick up some sausage rolls, notice the cranberries and then swap for some smaller ones that turned out to also be cranberry (they were reduced and the sticker was over that part of the label).
 
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by no prophet's flag is set so...:
called the Huron Carol in English, with rather different English lyrics. Familiar to all Canadians, written in 1600-something.

My choral group has sung that too. It's a beautiful carol. Beautiful rendition by Chanticleer here.

But if I remember the legend correctly, the Hurons obliged the composer, Fr. Jean de Brebeuf, S.J., by beheading him.
 
Posted by Teekeey Misha (# 18604) on :
 
I lived the life of "a month of enforced mince pie eating each year" throughout my career. It was only the Christmas before I changed career that I came to the realisation:

I don't even like mince pies.
 
Posted by lily pad (# 11456) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
quote:
Originally posted by no prophet's flag is set so...:
called the Huron Carol in English, with rather different English lyrics. Familiar to all Canadians, written in 1600-something.

My choral group has sung that too. It's a beautiful carol. Beautiful rendition by Chanticleer here.

But if I remember the legend correctly, the Hurons obliged the composer, Fr. Jean de Brebeuf, S.J., by beheading him.

No, no, no, that was the Iroquois what captured him and some Huron converts and did them in.
 
Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :
 
Ok, so now we give to you the Eleven Days from Christmas, followed by other songs like Chisnak Roasting on an Open Fire. A holopchi (holubshi) is a cabbage roll, a perdahair is a perogi both being a Ukrainian ravioli thing, a kubasaw (kielbasa) is sausage, chisnak is garlic. The link is to the whole amazingly popular 1970s Canadian prairie album, spellings of everythink Ukraine is variable. Sadly none of the songs include shislicki (pigs feet in jelly) or borscht (beet soup with herbs and vinegar with sour cream. which is much better than this sounds, beets are beets not beetroot in Canada).

щасливого Різдва (Happy/Merry Christmas - approximately = Shchazlyvoho Rizdva)
 
Posted by Leaf (# 14169) on :
 
It is possible that you may have vastly overestimated Shipmates' interest in Ukrainian-Canadian immigrant culture, and in western Canada in general.
 
Posted by Joesaphat (# 18493) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Teekeey Misha:
I lived the life of "a month of enforced mince pie eating each year" throughout my career. It was only the Christmas before I changed career that I came to the realisation:

I don't even like mince pies.

I do it for Jesus and politeness' sake but fuck do I hate them too, although not as much as Christmas pudding and the orgy of meat eating that precedes it. Mulled wine's nice. It's some sort of Saxon sangria as my dad used to put it.
 
Posted by Joesaphat (# 18493) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by lily pad:
quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
quote:
Originally posted by no prophet's flag is set so...:
called the Huron Carol in English, with rather different English lyrics. Familiar to all Canadians, written in 1600-something.

My choral group has sung that too. It's a beautiful carol. Beautiful rendition by Chanticleer here.

But if I remember the legend correctly, the Hurons obliged the composer, Fr. Jean de Brebeuf, S.J., by beheading him.

No, no, no, that was the Iroquois what captured him and some Huron converts and did them in.
Can these tribes still be hired to protect one from Christmas music, especially of the American and French jingly sort?
 
Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :
 
As a church minister, I find that mince pies are an occupational hazard. However I usually play a little game with myself, trying to see how far I can get through the season before eating one. The ideal is to get to about December 20th and then make sure that I eat only a home-made pie (or, at least, one made by the several excellent bakeries around our town).

However, this year has been a lamentable failure. Early in November we visited a church and were offered cakes and - yes! - home-made mince pies. Without even thinking I took and consumed one of the latter. Clearly the pies had slipped in under the radar before I was expecting them: but I have now re-applied my vow after that appalling lapse!
 
Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Joesaphat:
I do it for Jesus and politeness' sake

"No thank you"

Three little words that are perfectly polite and will save you from having to eat anything you don't like. It's amazing how well they work. Give them a try next time you're offered a mince pie/Christmas pudding/cup of hemlock/etc.
 
Posted by Teekeey Misha (# 18604) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Joesaphat:
I hate them too, although not as much as Christmas pudding and the orgy of meat eating that precedes it. Mulled wine's nice.

I have no objection to the pudding or the meat orgy (oo-er!) but mulled wine?? Whose idea was THAT? It's like drinking warmed, scarlet-tinted dish water. Yuk.

quote:
Originally posted by Marvin the Martian:
"No thank you"

You have clearly never had to live with the disappointment on the faces of the pupil/lady of the parish (who laboured long and hard to produce the vile confection, apparently solely for your delight) when you turn down the offering.

One of my earliest mentors said, "Whatever crap they force on you; smile, say 'thank you' and hope there's a flowerpot nearby." Alas, there seldom is, and pupils particularly seem to hang around to savour one's "enjoyment" of the sickly sweet dollop in over/undercooked pastry.
 
Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
A former Mrs. Vicar at the Church Of My Yoof was notorious for her mince pies. All pie (indigestible) and precious little mincemeat, they were The Mince Pies From Hell. I'm surprised Flanders and Swann never composed a song about them.

She was such a lovely and gracious lady, though, that no-one had the heart, courage, or gall, to tell her that her pies were sh*te...

I think Mr. Vicar devoured every other mince pie set before him with avidity, on the basis that they had to be more palatable.

IJ
 
Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Leaf:
It is possible that you may have vastly overestimated Shipmates' interest in Ukrainian-Canadian immigrant culture, and in western Canada in general.

Or Welsh. Or Swedish.
 
Posted by mr cheesy (# 3330) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Leaf:
It is possible that you may have vastly overestimated Shipmates' interest in Ukrainian-Canadian immigrant culture, and in western Canada in general.

I can't speak for anyone else, but I haven't yet got enough Ukranian-Canadian immigrant culture yet.
 
Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :
 
I think the point is that exposure to the variety of Xmas cultures is about all that remains to keep it interesting. On this Mr Cheesy and I seem to agree.

My Christamd dread is the navigating about the people, which includes the significant others, without getting into discussions of all the things where there be minefields. The list of negatory things includes: religion (there be professed anti-religion and atheists), food (there be vegetarians), politics (there be enviro-anarchists), Christmas presents (there be anti-consumerists).
 
Posted by sabine (# 3861) on :
 
Many of the refugees and immigrants from Africa that I've worked with are very surprised to hear about pumpkin sweets.

To them it should be treated as the vegetable it is and made into stew.

sabine
 
Posted by Joesaphat (# 18493) on :
 
You have clearly never had to live with the disappointment on the faces of the pupil/lady of the parish

Indeed he has not
 
Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
Here it's pumpkin-everything as part of the Thanksgiving/Xmas block then continuing on with large doses of peppermint as the Big Day approaches. I am very fond of pumpkin pie but can live without pumpkin latte, pumpkin cookies, pumpkin ice cream, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin soup, and pumpkin cookies.

Trader Joe's carries pumpkin everything from the beginning of October till the end of November (even pumpkin dog biscuits). I've been stocking up on quite a few things, but was distraught when I went in today and the pumpkin ravioli was finished for the year.
[Waterworks]
 
Posted by bib (# 13074) on :
 
I've always found Eccles Cakes infinitely superior to mince pies. When it comes to pumpkin, the only way my family uses them in Australia is to make yummy pumpkin soup(a winter warming staple) and as chunks roasted around the turkey or leg of lamb. I've made pumpkin scones but I'm not a very good scone maker. However my mother in law made excellent ones. Happy Christmas everybody. [Angel]
 
Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :
 
Happy Christmas in Hell to you! [Devil]

Henrietta and Merna Can't Sing - Go Tell It On The Mountain (youtube)

If this rendition won't get you out the Christmas spirit, you're too drunk to be using a computer.
 
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
It's incredible what people will post on YouTube.

May I suggest this as an antidote.
 
Posted by Moo (# 107) on :
 
Would someone please post a link to that truly awful rendition of 'O Holy Night'. I haven't heard it in years.

Moo
 
Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
Here's one, though there seem to be several pretty awful renditions...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mk4woNRD7NQ&nohtml5=False

[Projectile]

IJ
 
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Moo:
Would someone please post a link to that truly awful rendition of 'O Holy Night'. I haven't heard it in years.

You're going to have to be more specific.
 
Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :
 
For those who are drowning in gin or a river this Christmas, don't you wish you lived in the 1770s?

Emergency tobacco smoke enema. (I am not making this up, it was the CPR of the 18th century).
 
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
quote:
Originally posted by Moo:
Would someone please post a link to that truly awful rendition of 'O Holy Night'. I haven't heard it in years.

You're going to have to be more specific.
A lady in the G&S society I was part of used to murder this every year in our Christmas concerts. I don't know if she was any good when she was younger, but in her later years when I heard her she had a vibrato of about a fourth. The similarity to someone playing the saw was notable.
 
Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
quote:
Originally posted by Moo:
Would someone please post a link to that truly awful rendition of 'O Holy Night'. I haven't heard it in years.

You're going to have to be more specific.
A lady in the G&S society I was part of used to murder this every year in our Christmas concerts. I don't know if she was any good when she was younger, but in her later years when I heard her she had a vibrato of about a fourth. The similarity to someone playing the saw was notable.
That's not a vibrato. That's a warble. We get quite a bit round here, where the local accent is a mixture of a buzzsaw and a Herring Gull.

Mind you, I've been roped in to do "O Holy Night". The redeeming factor is that it's a three-part arrangement with no soloists!
 
Posted by Latchkey Kid (# 12444) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by bib:
I've always found Eccles Cakes infinitely superior to mince pies. When it comes to pumpkin, the only way my family uses them in Australia is to make yummy pumpkin soup(a winter warming staple) and as chunks roasted around the turkey or leg of lamb. I've made pumpkin scones but I'm not a very good scone maker. However my mother in law made excellent ones. Happy Christmas everybody. [Angel]

I agree about the eccles cakes, but I have to make my own in Oz. I have converted the mince pie recipe so it is just a teaspoon of mince in a puff pastry case. That is light enough for the sub-tropics.

But I am watching to avoid the Christmas concerts where some pop singer screams out "Silent Night" adding in twiddles to show how great they.
 
Posted by Teekeey Misha (# 18604) on :
 
I can probably cope with an occasional Eccles cake better than a ton-and-a-half of mince pies - perhaps because they're less regular and copious than mince pies, and the pastry's nicer. (Or at least people who make Eccles cakes make better pastry than most people who make mince pies - it's more crispy, palatable, nice!)
 
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Sioni Sais:
quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
quote:
Originally posted by Moo:
Would someone please post a link to that truly awful rendition of 'O Holy Night'. I haven't heard it in years.

You're going to have to be more specific.
A lady in the G&S society I was part of used to murder this every year in our Christmas concerts. I don't know if she was any good when she was younger, but in her later years when I heard her she had a vibrato of about a fourth. The similarity to someone playing the saw was notable.
That's not a vibrato. That's a warble.
I was being kind. The worst part was the old biddies we used to sing for seemed to love her. More than they did my rendition of Tom Lehrer's Christmas Carol, anyway.
 
Posted by Rocinante (# 18541) on :
 
The Mr Kipling mince pie deserves a hell thread to itself. The only reward for chewing your way through one of these sickly items will be a gigantic sugar crash 30 mins later.

I was playing at a charity carol concert on Sunday, and afterwards got chatting to a very refined lady who was on some committee or other. Cue a young volunteer with a plate of said sweetmeats. "Would you like to treat yourselves to a mince pie?" she trilled.

"God no, they're fucking horrible" responded the refined lady in her cut-glass RP accent.

I gazed at her with undisguised admiration as the young volunteer scuttled away.

[ 08. December 2016, 08:52: Message edited by: Rocinante ]
 
Posted by Joesaphat (# 18493) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Rocinante:
The Mr Kipling mince pie deserves a hell thread to itself. The only reward for chewing your way through one of these sickly items will be a gigantic sugar crash 30 mins later.

I was playing at a charity carol concert on Sunday, and afterwards got chatting to a very refined lady who was on some committee or other. Cue a young volunteer with a plate of said sweetmeats. "Would you like to treat yourselves to a mince pie?" she trilled.

"God no, they're fucking horrible" responded the refined lady in her cut-glass RP accent.

I gazed at her with undisguised admiration as the young volunteer scuttled away.

I've always dreamed of saying this, though last time I said fuck everything seemed to fall silent within miles.
 
Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
Why restrict yourself to Mr K's mince pies? ALL of the offerings from that direction are dreadful.

If the Advertising Standards Authority had any teeth (pun intended) they'd do them for misleading advertising for the well-known (and entirely inaccurate) slogan ...makes exceedingly good cakes
 
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
Why restrict yourself to Mr K's mince pies? ALL of the offerings from that direction are dreadful.

If the Advertising Standards Authority had any teeth (pun intended) they'd do them for misleading advertising for the well-known (and entirely inaccurate) slogan ...makes exceedingly good cakes

Yes. "Does make at best exceedingly mediocre, and often bloody horrible, cakes" would be more accurate.
 
Posted by Rocinante (# 18541) on :
 
I think their mince pies are the nadir of that benighted brand. The pastry is mainly sugar, with a nasty aftertaste of cheap fat of dubious origin. The filling has a revolting gelatinous consistency, reminiscent of cat food. I've never actually tasted cat food, but I suspect it may be better to eat.

[ 08. December 2016, 12:57: Message edited by: Rocinante ]
 
Posted by Doc Tor (# 9748) on :
 
To me, there are very few manufactured confections and cakes that don't simply have the overwhelming flavour of 'sweet'.
 
Posted by Uncle Pete (# 10422) on :
 
I agree with that. I am a diabetic and some of the sugar substitutes that supposedly make an item "diabetic friendly" are absolutely foul, foul,foul. [Projectile]
[Projectile]
 
Posted by rolyn (# 16840) on :
 
Eating shit tasting bought mince pies this time of year makes me enjoy my partner's home made ones on Christmas Eve all the more.
 
Posted by Joesaphat (# 18493) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by rolyn:
Eating shit tasting bought mince pies this time of year makes me enjoy my partner's home made ones on Christmas Eve all the more.

Mine's a Christmas junkie. It begins in September. Peaks with three different, gargantuan dinners. And peters out with post-Christmas depression.
 
Posted by rolyn (# 16840) on :
 
Our crammed Christmas goodies cupboard is being regularly raided in the evenings since a week ago, '.....kin mad.

With all due respect to Christmas crazy other halves here, and across the land of course.
 
Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
I don't bother making mince pies. Instead we have little filo pastry parcels with gooseberries and dates in lemon curd - delicious.
 
Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
Mmm....tasty. But - given that we are currently in Hell - why not add a dash of very hot chili to the mix?

[Two face]

IJ
 
Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 
My favorite O Holy Night from South Park.
 
Posted by rolyn (# 16840) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by rolyn:
Our crammed Christmas goodies cupboard is being regularly raided in the evenings since a week ago, '.....kin mad.

Just rescued the missus from stuffed-by-tin-of-Heroes syndrome.
Can't see that tin full lasting til anywhere near Christmas Day [Roll Eyes]
 
Posted by bib (# 13074) on :
 
I'm rolling round the floor laughing at the O Holy Night renditions. I don't know which is funnier. I'm taking them to my choir practice this afternoon to share - we probably won't get much practice done after we stop laughing.
 
Posted by anoesis (# 14189) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Twilight:
My favorite O Holy Night from South Park.

No, no, this one is the best! It has a cattle prod! How could it get any better?
 
Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
What fresh Hell is this? We drove past the local Lutheran church, which has a large new sign out front: "Live Puppy Nativity" and some dates. Is this like Puppy Halftime Football?
 
Posted by sabine (# 3861) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:

What fresh Hell is this? We drove past the local Lutheran church, which has a large new sign out front: "Live Puppy Nativity" and some dates. Is this like Puppy Halftime Football?

Too funny. Which breed is best suited to be the baby Jesus?

sabine
 
Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
What fresh Hell is this? We drove past the local Lutheran church, which has a large new sign out front: "Live Puppy Nativity" and some dates. Is this like Puppy Halftime Football?

Live Puppy Nativity
[Big Grin]
 
Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
Ye gods, this =is= the church. Apologies, Lutherans -- it was the Methodists after all.
 
Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
Son of Dog, have mercy on us...

...and therein lies a tail...

I'll get me blanket.

IJ
 
Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by sabine:
quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:

What fresh Hell is this? We drove past the local Lutheran church, which has a large new sign out front: "Live Puppy Nativity" and some dates. Is this like Puppy Halftime Football?

Too funny. Which breed is best suited to be the baby Jesus?

sabine

Shepherd or sheep dogs, of course! Shaggy and friendly ones preferred.
 
Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
There is a considerable trend in the US for 'living nativity' scenes, which mean hiring the ox, ass, a camel or two, and so on. There was a piece in the paper the other day about a guy at one of these things who was bitten by the camel.
 
Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
There is a considerable trend in the US for 'living nativity' scenes, which mean hiring the ox, ass, a camel or two, and so on. There was a piece in the paper the other day about a guy at one of these things who was bitten by the camel.

A number of years ago a couple of the goats got a little "overly friendly" during ours.
[Biased]
 
Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
A shaggy (sic) goat story?

Ahem.

Meanwhile, in other news...

Coming away from The Bus Stop this morning, I noticed that a neighbouring house had decorations in its front window, to wit, two silver/white reindeer, some white lights, and a sign saying 'Winter Welcome'. A new one on me, and I wondered if it was offering a welcome to the season of winter, IYSWIM, or a warm welcome inside the house (as opposed to the cold outside).

IJ
 
Posted by rolyn (# 16840) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
There is a considerable trend in the US for 'living nativity' scenes, which mean hiring the ox, ass, a camel or two, and so on. There was a piece in the paper the other day about a guy at one of these things who was bitten by the camel.

Added to well known fact that animals in those situations usually can't help but do a dump.
 
Posted by Pangolin Guerre (# 18686) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
I don't bother making mince pies. Instead we have little filo pastry parcels with gooseberries and dates in lemon curd - delicious.

Ooooh.... could you post or PM the recipe for me? Sounds delicious!
 
Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
OK:

2 Bramley apples: peeled, cored and stewed with 2 handsful of topped & tailed gooseberries and 1 handful chopped dated.

Take 4 sheets of filo pastry, brush melted butter between each then cut into 3inch squares.

Place spoonful apple mix into centre of square, topped with a little lemon curd. Draw edges of 'parcel' together. CHILL

When required, heat oven to 200C and bake parcels for c10 minutes.

HELLFIRE PARCELS:
Chop 2 red chillies very fine with handful of parsley. Mix with handful of chopped pine nuts and then fold into cream cheese.

Make parcels as above.

Bon appetit
 
Posted by Doc Tor (# 9748) on :
 
So let's head this one off at the pass.

There is a perfectly decent recipe thread in Heaven. Use it.

DT
HH

 
Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 
Our local "live," nativity scene has two sheep and a donkey, and of course a tall fence to keep the animals in. This year, for some reason, they've added cardboard cut outs of the human characters, standing facing front, just inside the fence. It looks, for all the world like the whole gang is in some sort of internment camp. I blame Donald Trump.
 
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
"We'll be having the children's Christmas pageant next Sunday. You should come—it's very cute, and they've been working on it for weeks! One of our parishioners wrote the script a few years ago and we've loved it ever since."

Oh darn. Finals, you know. So sad. So, so, very sad.
 
Posted by sharkshooter (# 1589) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by no prophet's flag is set so...:
Which is everything ain't it? I really dislike quite a number of Christmas songs: Jingle Bell Rock, Feliz Navidad, and the entire Boney M Christmas album.

Well, I can tolerate those, but if I hear Santa Baby, I turn the radio to a different station quickly. How is that not the absolutely most horrid of "Christmas" songs, no matter who sings it?
 
Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by sharkshooter:
quote:
Originally posted by no prophet's flag is set so...:
Which is everything ain't it? I really dislike quite a number of Christmas songs: Jingle Bell Rock, Feliz Navidad, and the entire Boney M Christmas album.

Well, I can tolerate those, but if I hear Santa Baby, I turn the radio to a different station quickly. How is that not the absolutely most horrid of "Christmas" songs, no matter who sings it?
My son would agree with you, the one Christmas song that has him covering his ears and yelling 'No, stop, stop!' is that one!
 
Posted by Drifting Star (# 12799) on :
 
Yes, me too. I hate it. I have to let my eyes drift over the words in case the ear-worm catches me.
 
Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 
None of that soppy sentimental stuff for the Victorians. Their taste in Christmas cards was not for the children. Or me.
 
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
Greetings from Krampus indeed!
 
Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
RuthW and Lyda Rose, I completely feel your (ear) pain. A few years ago I was waiting and waiting for my wife to finish grocery shopping or we were waiting for a taxi...at any rate, we were stuck inside a Kroger grocery store and some awful R&B singer was murdering the hell out of a Christmas hymn. I wanted to scream, rip my hair out, rip the sound system out of the store...just to not have to hear that singer drawing out some long notes...it was dreadful. This is also why I don't like a lot of popular gospel music. The singers are supposed to be praising God, not themselves. Ugh!
 
Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
With all the forced cheer and merchandise being shoved in our faces every minute, I found myself singing a little ditty under my breath the other day. It won't win any awards for lyrical content but it did make me feel better: "F*ck Christmas, f*ck Christmas, f*ck you and your holiday cheer!" I added some more 'R' rated words to that but I'll not burden you all with them at this time.

Normally, I love the lawn decorations and lights, the hymns, the true giving of the season. I am definitely not a Scrooge.
 
Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by The5thMary:
With all the forced cheer and merchandise being shoved in our faces every minute, I found myself singing a little ditty under my breath the other day. It won't win any awards for lyrical content but it did make me feel better: "F*ck Christmas, f*ck Christmas, f*ck you and your holiday cheer!" I added some more 'R' rated words to that but I'll not burden you all with them at this time.

I saw Eric Idle and John Cleese a few weeks ago. The show ended with them singing "F*ck Christmas!"

[ 14. December 2016, 02:07: Message edited by: Pigwidgeon ]
 
Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on :
 
Generally I’ve not been on this thread much because I’m one of those people who quite like Christmas.

However, can we agree that there is a special corner of hell reserved for the slow lingering torture which is the Office Christmas Party™?

The marketing department decide that they want to use this occasion to make people talk to colleagues they don’t usually spend time with. Consequently when you arrive at the party you draw a random number out of a bag and that’s the table you’re sitting at for dinner. Most of the people who work at this company are really very pleasant and not bad company. There are four or five exceptions. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you table fourteen. If they’d been trying to corral all the plonkers on the same table, they couldn’t have done better. Add the president of the company plastered on vodka cocktails who decides he wants to DJ and you’re headed for good times.
 
Posted by mark_in_manchester (# 15978) on :
 
Aaaaarrrrhh, don't. I don't have a 'proper job' at the moment / any more, but when an ex-colleague met me a while back and invited me to rejoin them for their festive do, I said yes.

It's tomorrow.

It's going to be tricky to be positive about my new life, without implying that 'no job is better than slogging on with what you're still doing' [Smile]
 
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by la vie en rouge:


The marketing department decide that they want to use this occasion to make people talk to colleagues they don’t usually spend time with. Consequently when you arrive at the party you draw a random number out of a bag and that’s the table you’re sitting at for dinner.

Tell them to fuck right off and that you want to socialise with your friends.

This sort of forced extraversion is totally unacceptable and the people who enforce it are a bunch of wankers who make the mistake of thinking everyone should be like them.
 
Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 
It is my annual simple-minded pleasure to collect the different ways the Glasgow Herald substitutes "festive" for "Christmas" in its headlines. Incredibly, this year they have begun to use the C word again, but have still obliged us with at least one new festive phrase.

My current collection consists of:

- Festive mail chaos
- festive engineering works
- festive road casualties
- festive strike action
- festive lorry driver shortage
- festive grocery spending
- festive advertising battle

and yesterday they came up with:

- festive misery for travellers.

Anyone else caught any good ones?
 
Posted by Moo (# 107) on :
 
I like the idea of festive misery.

Moo
 


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