Thread: Ignored when by yourself Board: All Saints / Ship of Fools.


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Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
Last night, after another long day, I didn't fancy cooking, so I walked into the Chinese takeaway at the bottom of my road that I've been to about half a dozen times or so since I moved in late spring.

They ignored me. I was stood there for 10 minutes, waiting for someone to take my order. I tried waving, saying hello, but they just sauntered back and forth, not paying any attention. I was the only customer in there. Eventually I walked out and have vowed never to set foot in there again.

This isn't the first time something like has happened and I wondered if other shipmates have had similar happen to them.

I notice it's always when I'm by myself. For example, I once ended up phoning PC World when I stood in their Wandsworth Bridge store just to try to get one of their staff to notice I existed, after an hour of them walking past and ignoring me in favour of groups that had come in 2s or 3s.
 
Posted by mr cheesy (# 3330) on :
 
I spend a lot of time alone and have come to the conclusion that I have an ignorable face - I just look like someone in the crowd.

Actually it has been a bit better since we moved to Wales because people here seem to make more effort to acknowledge other people.

But I can certainly remember situations as you describe and have also walked out from places when alone and nobody took any notice of me (this seems to happen to me in pubs).
 
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
What a strange thing. Perhaps they assumed you’d phoned your order earlier and were now waiting to collect?

The oddest instance of being ignored I’ ve met with was in the US. We were driving through upstate NY and saw a sign on the highway advertising a restaurant - so we turned off, found the small town, found the place and went in. It was largely empty, one family party being brought their orders, a guy leaning on the bar watching the 9/11 coverage (it was a couple of days after) and the two of us. We sat at a table. Nothing happened. I went up to the bar and stood about looking hungry. One waitress was attending to the party; it was when I saw the other one pointedly wiping tables in furthest corner of the room that I realised we were being deliberately ignored. It was a great oddity in a country where places normally greet you the minute you come in the door.

Large stores - even spotting staff on the floor can be like hunting the Snark. In which case I go to the point that has to have someone at it - usually the checkout - and have them summon an assistant.

I am sure I’ve done my share of walking out of places where the service has been negligent, and there are alternatives I can go to. But I can’t say it has been the norm. (Of course, back in the day, speaking loudly in a Northern Irish accent guaranteed attendance, just in case your next sentence was ‘Yis have 5 minutes to get out’)
 
Posted by Jane R (# 331) on :
 
I have the opposite problem; being mobbed by overzealous assistants when browsing in shops. Unless I actually want to buy something, when I suddenly become invisible and inaudible like Sipech.
 
Posted by St. Gwladys (# 14504) on :
 
If you want to be invisible and inaudible, try using a mobility scooter....
 
Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
I have that problem in businesses that are more "man-friendly" -- hardware stores, automobile dealerships, and -- most recently a liquor store.

I went in to pick up two cases of wine which had been pre-ordered and pre-paid for church, so I walked up to the service desk. A male customer walked in behind me. The clerk totally ignored me and asked the man if he needed help, then walked off with him to find what he needed. Finally another person behind the counter asked if I needed help. I told him what had happened and he brought me my wine (no apology for the other jerk). Jerk #1 then wandered back to the service desk and I told him that if I hadn't already paid for my wine I would have left and gone elsewhere.

Sometimes I think it would be fun to have Harry Potter's invisibility cape, but only to be worn when *I* want to wear it. Don't get me started on a church I used to attend...
 
Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
I'd bet that ignored people tend to be a) older or b) female. Ageism and sexism, and of course ableism, are powerful.
People do not ignore me, and I know why. It's because I'm tall. If I were five foot two I'd be right under the radar.
 
Posted by cliffdweller (# 13338) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
I'd bet that ignored people tend to be a) older or b) female. Ageism and sexism, and of course ableism, are powerful.
People do not ignore me, and I know why. It's because I'm tall. If I were five foot two I'd be right under the radar.

Yes. Short, old, and female-- let's add frumpy to the list (attractive people of any age are noticed)-- I could probably pull of a bank heist if I wanted to without fear of anyone identifying me.

It has both it's advantages and its disadvantages.
 
Posted by BabyWombat (# 18552) on :
 
I have found that in big-box office supply stores I and most other customers are completely ignored. I joke that if one dies in the aisle the staff would simply step around and keep on moving. Finding someone who might entertain a question seems impossible and more often than not I walk out.

Recently on vacation hubby and I went to a pub just after its official opening time, looking for a good dry IPA and lunch. Door wide open, lights on, bartender in place, and what we took to be owner and chef eating at the bar. There was a sign to wait to be seated so we stood at the empty host lectern and looked hungry. All looked at us, then turned away. Thinking we had the opening time wrong we took a bit of a walk in the neighborhood and returned 15 minutes later. Same people in same places, we stood about for a bit, but were again totally ignored.

I might mention we are both gray haired. We assume we did not match their patron profile, appearing to be fuddy-duddies. So we went to a nearby French bistro and had a fabulous lunch and a delicious wine.
 
Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
If I'm in a shop, and there seems to be nobody taking any notice of me - goods in hand - at the counter or checkout, I simply wave a £10 note in the air, and shout loudly 'Anyone want to take some money from me?'.

Works every time. Our now-closed branch of Staples (big UK stationery stores) was particularly guilty of this sort of thing.

I'm afraid I'm no shrinking violet, and have no compunction about loudly demanding attention be paid to me, if it's necessary.

Nicely, and in Christian Love, of course.

IJ
 
Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :
 
A local restaurant had just reopened under new management, so Daughter-Unit and I decided to have dinner there after w*rk. We sat at our table for over fifteen minutes while folks came in after us and were served while we didn't even have a menu or beverage.

We finally gave up trying to flag down our waitress who looked the other way every time she walked by our table. As we were leaving, the new manager happened to be at the front desk and asked how we liked our food. I told her we had been ignored since we got there and we were going to eat elsewhere.

The manager looked like she was in shock and begged us to stay as we continued to walk out. She finally said if we would give us a chance, she would comp our meals. D-U and I looked at each other and agreed to give them a chance.

We were given a different table with a prompt and friendly server. I also ordered a glass of wine, which I had planned to pay for, but it was comped too. Our meal was fabulous, and we ended up having a good experience.

We could see the other server getting a tongue lashing by the manager at the back of the restaurant. The good server got an excellent tip.

I have a lot of stories that don't have such a good outcome.

p.s. The restaurant didn't last long after that. A real shame.

[ETA p.s.]

[ 10. November 2017, 15:10: Message edited by: jedijudy ]
 
Posted by Carex (# 9643) on :
 
My wife was in a group of older women, one of whom had bright purple hair. She said that she had always been ignored in shops, and she had chosen the color to make herself noticeable. Apparently it worked.
 
Posted by Pia (# 17277) on :
 
This is very timely.

I was working away from home this week. I decided to have a meal in the hotel bar (rather than restaurant) as I thought that it would be more relaxed as a place to eat alone. I had a quick look at the menu, decided what to have, and went to the bar to order. The chap behind the bar told me to just sit down and someone would be with me shortly, so I went and sat down. Whereupon I was studiously ignored for about 20 minutes. Other orders were taken, but no-one came to me, despite me trying to catch someone's eye.

Eventually I did manage to catch a waiter (with a loud 'Excuse me...') and he said that he would send someone over to take my order... but still no-one came. Eventually I went back to the bar and pointed out that I'd been waiting a long time to place my order, and the original chap took it.

I then waited another 10 minutes before they brought my drink. And then I waited. And waited. And waited. Eventually, when I'd been there about an hour and three quarters, I went to the bar again and asked if they knew when I was likely to get some food. By this point I'd gone past the point of being hungry and it was nearly 10pm, which was the time at which they stopped serving. I was quite prepared to walk out at that point, except that I didn't really know the area so didn't know where else to go (and by then it was 10pm).

Five minutes later the manager appeared, with my food, very apologetic, and claimed that there had been 'a problem with some orders not getting through to the kitchen'. He was so apologetic that I didn't make more of it (he also insisted I wouldn't be charged for the food or drinks, although that was a bit irrelevant, as I wasn't paying anyway!). But I'm sure it wasn't a problem with the order system, it was just that they ignored me for so long at the start that I was forced to go up to the bar to order instead of waiting for a waiter, at which point (I'm pretty sure) the order sat on the bar for nearly 2 hours unnoticed.

This is the first time something like this has happened to me, but it was very very striking. I am a middle-aged woman, not remotely noticeable on the beauty front, and I was on my own. It was not a good experience!
 
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
I was once ignored in a very popular Greek diner in Astoria, Queens, New York. My father, a WWII veteran, opined that it was probably because I looked Italian. There is apparently no love lost among Greeks who remember what Italians did to them during the war.

Other times when I've been ignored, I've walked out. If someone tries to make me change my mind and stay, I usually say (especially if the place is obviously not busy) something like, "Oh, no, I see you're very busy; it was foolish of me to expect you to accommodate a party of one."
 
Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
As I said, I just SHOUT.

They don't like SHOUTING, but it produces results.

[Devil]

IJ
 
Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
When I was abandoned in a doctor's examination room, I finally marched out to the desk and didn't quite shout but SPOKE VERY LOUD. The receptionist obviously didn't want everyone in the waiting room to hear me, but I certainly wanted them to. (Unfortunately, they hadn't had me strip and put on an open-backed gown. It would have added nicely to the effect.)

I left, never having seen the doctor (a specialist to whom I'd been referred), and I had my Primary Care Physician give me a different referral, explaining the way I'd been ignored.
 
Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
SPEAKING VERY LOUDLY (especially in fairly small surroundings) is also a Good Thing.

Pity about the lack of an open-backed gown, though. It really does indeed add to the general effect, and to the edification of the public.

[Two face]

IJ
 
Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
I wouldn't even want the doctor to see me in an open-backed gown, let alone the entire waiting-room. [Eek!]

Our "invisibility cloak" moment was in a very upmarket (and very up-itself) restaurant in St. John's. We had a long wait for our first course (in D's case, soup), and when it arrived the waiter said, "would Sir like fresh pepper?", to which D. replied "No, but he would like a spoon."

Shortly after that, a large party arrived and the entire staff seemed to be all over them like a hot rash; we began to wonder if one of them was a restaurant critic (although we knew the critic from the local paper had already been there and given them a rave review). It was as though we'd disappeared: we did eventually get the rest of our food, but we never went back.

I suspect a lot of other people didn't go back either, as the place closed within a year. Serve them right.
 
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Piglet:
Shortly after that, a large party arrived and the entire staff seemed to be all over them like a hot rash. . . . We never went back. I suspect a lot of other people didn't go back either, as the place closed within a year.

They were probably anticipating a huge tip. Too bad it was their last.
 
Posted by Ian Climacus (# 944) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Bishops Finger:
If I'm in a shop, and there seems to be nobody taking any notice of me - goods in hand - at the counter or checkout, I simply wave a £10 note in the air, and shout loudly 'Anyone want to take some money from me?'.

May I use that? Though I probably don't have the guts!

I dine alone and often will be sitting there for 20 minutes before someone comes along and says, "Still waiting for your friend?" And I did say table for 1 as I entered.
 
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
Another informative experience, but one with an explanation.

A Czech friend was driving us about the countryside. We stopped for lunch in a roadside restaurant and were ignored. Eventually we left (and found a very good place up a side road, catering to local forestry workers, where we had an excellent meal). The thing was the first place was on the main road from Germany. They were only interested in coachloads of tourists from Munich and since we had arrived in a Czech car we didn’t rate.

So clearly there are places who only ‘see’ the customers whom they think are the prime demographic, and there are quite a few conditions - age, gender, ethnicity, perceived social status - which will disqualify you. Which is stupid, as I may look like an Old Biddy (because I am) but I probably have a hell of a lot more disposable income than anyone else in the room.
 
Posted by Uncle Pete (# 10422) on :
 
I am in a wheelchair and deaf. When I ate alone in my younger days (or was attempting to eat) and was ignored, I just wheeled out. Once I was with a work group trying a new restaurant (thank goodness it included 2 levels of bosses) we ordered our meals. After a half-hour, I was served my lunch (while the rest of the table looked on hungrily - they were served 45 minutes later - and our celebratory 90 minute lunch extended into 3 hours and 15 minutes) And they weren't even busy.

If I am ignored in stores, I just go past the cashier or service desk and I tell them just what I think.

I can sometimes be very loud, VERY loud, indeed.
 
Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Firenze:
So clearly there are places who only ‘see’ the customers whom they think are the prime demographic, and there are quite a few conditions - age, gender, ethnicity, perceived social status - which will disqualify you. Which is stupid, as I may look like an Old Biddy (because I am) but I probably have a hell of a lot more disposable income than anyone else in the room.

There's an anonymous US chain of restaurants (burgers, pancakes, etc.) that has a long history of ignoring and otherwise mistreating African Americans. (Not sure about other people of color.) Periodically winds up in the news. Haven't heard anything for several years. Not sure if they've changed.
 
Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
I was once ignored in a very popular Greek diner in Astoria, Queens, New York. My father, a WWII veteran, opined that it was probably because I looked Italian. There is apparently no love lost among Greeks who remember what Italians did to them during the war.


I wonder if it was the same place in Astoria where we once went when our younger daughter lived there. A crowd of us went in and we were all ignored except for my mother-in-law, clearly the matriarch, who was expected to do all the ordering and paying the bill, which she did. Maybe it's a Greek thing.
 
Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
Pigwidgeon--

quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
Don't get me started on a church I used to attend...

I went to one of those, too. They mostly just wanted to talk to themselves. Even when I was volunteering, at a church dinner, or at coffee hour. (Might have been just as well, though. Heard plenty of church gossip in their gift shop, blatantly in front of customers!) The clergy and other folks who might be in a position to help with whatever mostly only paid attention if they found you particularly interesting. Ironically, that denom once had a big PR campaign, saying how welcoming they were.
[Roll Eyes]

I ran into similar problems at an anonymous professional organization for women. It was so bad that some new members just left. I stuck around for a while, and really tried. There were some good aspects; but I finally had enough, and quit.

I worked, briefly, at an organization run by another faith. They would talk, endlessly, in front of me (NOT to me) about their faith and various gossip. No secular talk, whatsoever. And didn't tell me when there was an important religious rule I needed to know. IMHO, they should've employed people from their faith or particular congregation, 'cause they sure didn't want anyone else there.

I think that groups who've been together a long time sometimes really don't want anyone else to join, but haven't admitted it to themselves.
 
Posted by North East Quine (# 13049) on :
 
Our weirdest ignoring experience happened in a very small town which had three options for morning coffee; two commercial coffee shops and one, recently opened, which was part of a Christian book shop. It had an obvious Christian name - Vineyard Book and Coffee Shop, or some such. We went in at 11am. Three people were sitting drinking coffee at a table. We sat at another table. Nothing happened. We went up to the counter at which point one of the three explained that the bookshop / cafe was run by volunteers, the three at the table, and that 11am was their coffee break. They would serve us once they'd finished their own coffee. Five minutes later they were still chatting away over coffee and we gave up and left.

We passed through the same small town a year later and the bookshop /cafe was no longer there...
 
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Golden Key:
I think that groups who've been together a long time sometimes really don't want anyone else to join.

Reminds me of Groucho Marx's line: "I wouldn't join any club that would have me as a member."
 
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Golden Key:
There's an anonymous US chain of restaurants (burgers, pancakes, etc.) that has a long history of ignoring and otherwise mistreating African Americans.

I know the one you're talking about. I don't think this happens any longer -- at least there have been no reports of it -- and it may have been a regional thing at worst. I've never witnessed it, but then again I'm Caucasian.
 
Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
A church* I used to attend fairly regularly refused even to see me. The ushers would hold the door for everyone and hand them a bulletin -- except me. Twice when I went up for Communion the Eucharistic Minister went right past me. No on ever spoke to me at coffee hour unless I happened to run into someone I knew from another church. I was even invisible one day when my car had overheated and I was in the parking lot right by the main door of the church with my hood/bonnet popped open. (I didn't need help, but it would have been nice if someone had offered.)

*MWd by Miss Amanda, who had the same experience.
 
Posted by mark_in_manchester (# 15978) on :
 
I walked away from a car dealership the other day, when I was ignored for ages. This was annoying, as I quite wanted to buy the car I was looking at (a bit odd, old, cheap). I'm a middle-aged white man. They may have gone off me a bit when I lay on the ground and started looking closely at the underside.
 
Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :
 
Pigwidgeon:
quote:
Twice when I went up for Communion the Eucharistic Minister went right past me.
Just wow. That is a special category of obnoxious.
 
Posted by mr cheesy (# 3330) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
Just wow. That is a special category of obnoxious.

Kneeling at the communion rail is one of the few occasions in church that I feel like anyone is taking notice of me. Kneeling there and being ignored would be crushing.
 
Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
Pigwidgeon:
quote:
Twice when I went up for Communion the Eucharistic Minister went right past me.
Just wow. That is a special category of obnoxious.
Just to add, I was a 50-ish (at the time) white woman, dressed appropriately for church, at a middle or upper-middle class church, almost exclusively white.
 
Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
A church I used to attend fairly regularly refused even to see me ...

I don't think I'd have given them the benefit of the doubt by attending "regularly". I might have given them a few weeks, but if they persisted in that level of ignoring (during the Eucharist????) I'd have metaphorically told them to shove it and tried to find somewhere else.
 
Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Several years ago I was in another city for a Famous Music Competition. I went to dinner by myself, and although I was seated, I was ignored by the servers for more than 20 minutes, not even handed a menu. I finally stood up and accosted a server, who told me it wasn't his table; I asked him loudly to get my server.

They finally fed me, probably just to get rid of me. It brought home to me vividly the realization that I had become a middle-aged woman (and a small one) on her own, and hence invisible.

[Edited because preview failed to reveal a line return, and it bothered me.]

[ 11. November 2017, 20:08: Message edited by: Rossweisse ]
 
Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
I went once with a large party of friends to a Chinese restaurant. It was very crowded and because we were a large party they were very reluctant to seat us. We had a couple of bullheaded women, however. We firmly commandeered a table, forced the busboys to clear it, and demanded menus. This was only doable, I am certain, because there were 14 of us.

The other real and true recourse you have is Yelp. Or Open Table, or any of the other restaurant review sites. Post your experiences. Watch them cringe.
 
Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
My particular case was pre-apps, but I would certainly do that now in similar circs.
 
Posted by Tree Bee (# 4033) on :
 
Mr Bee and I went to a West End theatre to see a musical. Very efficiently, I thought, they had the facility to buy interval drinks online, which I did and printed out my vouchers.
Drawback was, this voucher had to be presented at the bar on arrival to tell them which colour of wine was required.
Having queued to get into the theatre Mr Bee needed the loo so I hurried to the bar and got there almost first. I stood at the bar, totally ignored for 20 minutes while those around and behind me were served. I began waving my voucher at the the staff. Eventually Mr Bee appeared at the back of the room and bellowed that I should be served next, and behold, I was. The bloke behind me said he was about to say the same thing.
 
Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
I went once with a large party of friends to a Chinese restaurant. It was very crowded and because we were a large party they were very reluctant to seat us. We had a couple of bullheaded women, however. We firmly commandeered a table, forced the busboys to clear it, and demanded menus. This was only doable, I am certain, because there were 14 of us.

Of course they were reluctant to seat an extremely large party when the place was crowded! And how on earth is this relevant to a thread about being ignored when alone?!?
 
Posted by Ian Climacus (# 944) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
Pigwidgeon:
quote:
Twice when I went up for Communion the Eucharistic Minister went right past me.
Just wow. That is a special category of obnoxious.
Just to add, I was a 50-ish (at the time) white woman, dressed appropriately for church, at a middle or upper-middle class church, almost exclusively white.
Sometimes I like to be left alone in church.

But at Communion!?!? What Lyda*Rose wrote. And [Tear] for you Pigwidgeon; how absolutely terrible.
 
Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
I too got ignored--okay, maybe call it "missed" at communion, on Ash Wednesday--twice. It was one of those "go up, stay till you're communed, come back down" sort of things, and I was right at the middle of the rail. Both servers left off just before getting to me from either side. Two go-rounds.

Rather than stay up for a third pass, I slunk back down to my seat. It sucked.

[ 12. November 2017, 00:52: Message edited by: Lamb Chopped ]
 
Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Piglet:
quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
A church I used to attend fairly regularly refused even to see me ...

I don't think I'd have given them the benefit of the doubt by attending "regularly". I might have given them a few weeks, but if they persisted in that level of ignoring (during the Eucharist????) I'd have metaphorically told them to shove it and tried to find somewhere else.
I eventually did, but my options were very limited at the time -- long story I don’t want to go into here.

quote:
Originally posted by Ian Climacus:
Sometimes I like to be left alone in church.

But at Communion!?!? What Lyda*Rose wrote. And [Tear] for you Pigwidgeon; how absolutely terrible.

Being left alone can be a good thing. Being anonymous was a good thing to me at that time. But being invisible was not.

I’m happy to say that I soon found the church where I’m now an active member... where I feel loved, valued, and included.


[Axe murder]
 
Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
Miss Amanda--

quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
quote:
Originally posted by Golden Key:
There's an anonymous US chain of restaurants (burgers, pancakes, etc.) that has a long history of ignoring and otherwise mistreating African Americans.

I know the one you're talking about. I don't think this happens any longer -- at least there have been no reports of it -- and it may have been a regional thing at worst. I've never witnessed it, but then again I'm Caucasian.
It seems to have been an ongoing thing, here in N. California. Was periodically in the news. Haven't heard anything for some time.

But I just looked it up, and there was a California anti-discrimination lawsuit as recently as last year.

That restaurant chain's treatment of African-Americans is so [Eek!] , over so many years, that I can only think they only employ waiters who freely admit they are brazenly racist.
 
Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Piglet:
quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
A church I used to attend fairly regularly refused even to see me ...

I don't think I'd have given them the benefit of the doubt by attending "regularly". I might have given them a few weeks, but if they persisted in that level of ignoring (during the Eucharist????) I'd have metaphorically told them to shove it and tried to find somewhere else.
FWIW: I grew up in the kind of church where you don't go up to the altar for communion--trays of "wee cuppies" (of grape juice) were passed down the pews, and trays of cracker bits. I think that, somewhere or other, I've also had communion wine in wee cuppies (Lutheran, maybe?).

I know that might be quite unattractive to folks used to a liturgical Eucharist. But it would be very hard to be ignored in that set-up, unless someone just didn't pass the tray down to your seat.

If, however, someone who's ignored at the altar rail wants some form of communion, somewhere, a simple church with trays might be an option.

FYI: it's not necessarily served every week. Might be several times a year.

YMMV.
 
Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Am I the only person reading who doesn't know the name of the infamous anti-black restaurant chain? (I would be grateful if someone would PM me with it. Ta!)
 
Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
I'll PM it to you. Just didn't want to get the Ship or myself in trouble.
 
Posted by Margaret (# 283) on :
 
Not irritating or unpleasant like other experiences on this thread, just slightly mystifying: a fairly close friend is having a major birthday this week, and weeks ago invited us to the party she's having next Saturday. When my husband explained he couldn't come because he'd be at a conference then she didn't ask whether I could still come, and hasn't said anything about it since. We dropped round yesterday with her card and present and were invited in to have tea and cake, which I suspect is in lieu of the party, to which I'm evidently not invited on my own.

I'm perfectly happy, as I'm not a party person, and anyway they're good friends - but I'm slightly [Confused]
 
Posted by Boogie (# 13538) on :
 
Get a puppy, you are never ignored with a puppy in your arms [Razz]

Sipech - in your situation at the Chinese I would have phoned the number for take aways, then when they asked if you are picking it up say ‘yes, I’m right here now but you are all ignoring me’

How very rude of them. [Mad]
 
Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
Get a puppy, you are never ignored with a puppy in your arms [Razz]

I find that I'm invisible when I'm with my dog -- she's much cuter than I am and gets all the attention.
[Big Grin]
 
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Margaret:
We dropped round yesterday with her card and present and were invited in to have tea and cake, which I suspect is in lieu of the party, to which I'm evidently not invited on my own.

Good friends or not, under the circumstances I think I would have brought the present back to the store for a refund -- and perhaps even the card.
 
Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
A friend, back in the Days Of My Yoof, went with a small group to a restaurant in the town in which they were staying.

The service was execrable, the wait for the food seemed interminable, the staff were inattentive and rude.

When the food finally arrived, the entire party, with one accord, got up, left the restaurant (and the food) without paying the bill, and adjourned to the nearest fish-and-chip shop.

IJ
 
Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Rossweisse:
Am I the only person reading who doesn't know the name of the infamous anti-black restaurant chain? (I would be grateful if someone would PM me with it. Ta!)

Denny's settled a class action lawsuit back in the 90s for millions of dollars. They move fast and hard on employees who try to pull this shit now.
 
Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
Cracker Barrel may be the one referred to. It's very popular in the central and southern US.
 
Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
A number of years ago there were a lot of complaints against racial discrimination at Dennys. They swore they'd changed -- but then this happened: 6 black Secret Service agents to share in settlement of Denny's bias suit.

quote:
In the lawsuits, Denny's and its employees were accused of failing to serve blacks or of requiring them to pay a cover charge and pay their bills before receiving their meals. The chain's employees also were accused of ejecting black customers, segregating black from white customers, using racial epithets, failing to honor advertised specials for black customers and trying to limit the number of black customers in a restaurant at any one time.
I stopped eating there when all of this was hitting the fan.
 
Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Originally posted by Margaret:
quote:

We dropped round yesterday with her card and present and were invited in to have tea and cake, which I suspect is in lieu of the party, to which I'm evidently not invited on my own.

I think you should just show up anyway.

Thank you to all those who supplied me with the name of the offending restaurant chain. (I wouldn't eat there in any case, but now I'll make sure to avoid them.)

[ 13. November 2017, 00:49: Message edited by: Rossweisse ]
 
Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
A number of years ago there were a lot of complaints against racial discrimination at Dennys. They swore they'd changed -- but then this happened: 6 black Secret Service agents to share in settlement of Denny's bias suit.

quote:
In the lawsuits, Denny's and its employees were accused of failing to serve blacks or of requiring them to pay a cover charge and pay their bills before receiving their meals. The chain's employees also were accused of ejecting black customers, segregating black from white customers, using racial epithets, failing to honor advertised specials for black customers and trying to limit the number of black customers in a restaurant at any one time.
I stopped eating there when all of this was hitting the fan.
You do realize that this suit was one from the incidents in 1994 according to the article? It isn't recent. As far as I know Denny's has cleaned up its act. My local Denny's seems to attract a satisfied clientele from many ethnicities. Not that I excuse their previous behavior but they seem to have fixed it in the past thirty years.
 
Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
My parents moved to a village in Kent and started at the parish church, where they were invisible for several weeks. Not looked at and then passed over, but not seen.

Until they found out that Dad was a chartered accountant and had served as a church Treasurer elsewhere.
 
Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
At which point, no doubt, they were all over him like a rash.

And, at which point, hopefully, he made a noise like a hoop, and rolled off.

[Disappointed]

IJ
 
Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
My family (Asian/white) isn't welcome at our local Denny's. I am welcome if I come with my white mother. Which I don't. You wouldn't BELIEVE what they did to us.
 
Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
My family (Asian/white) isn't welcome at our local Denny's. I am welcome if I come with my white mother. Which I don't. You wouldn't BELIEVE what they did to us.

Whoa. Very sorry to hear that. [Frown]
 
Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
Ok, yes, I was talking about Denny's.

But it isn't just stuff from the 90s. This is the 2015 incident I mentioned, which came to a lawsuit last year.

And if you search on "denny's discrimination 2017", you'll find other things from the last few years.

Sorry for your experience, LC, and anyone else who's been through that. I don't understand how anyone can treat someone that way--particularly in a job where you're supposed to serve anyone who comes in.
[Mad]
 
Posted by Ian Climacus (# 944) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
My family (Asian/white) isn't welcome at our local Denny's. I am welcome if I come with my white mother. Which I don't. You wouldn't BELIEVE what they did to us.

Wow. Just wow. I am so sorry.
 
Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
Here from Snopes is a summary of the discrimination settlement that Cracker Barrel was forced to pay. White servers refusing to wait upon black customers, etc.
I drive regularly up and down the east coast of the US, and both Denny's and Cracker Barrel restaurants are very common -- they're large chains. I never dine at either if I can help it.
 
Posted by Anselmina (# 3032) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Margaret:


I'm perfectly happy, as I'm not a party person, and anyway they're good friends - but I'm slightly [Confused]

I'm afraid so many of us have found out that without husbands we don't exist for other people in many ways; and it's worse if you're not a parent, too.

I think society is a bit better than it used to be. But there's no doubt married-with-kids colleagues are way ahead of me in the being part of the community/developing friendships thing. Some of it is understandable, such as the joint interests parents are bound to have with kids growing up together etc. I get that.

But I'm a fairly sociable creature in my own right. I promise I won't strip naked, set fire to the curtains or throw up on the table display if you invite me round to dinner by myself! Or sit there like Banquo's ghost covered in sackcloth and ashes, bringing everyone down with my single status! [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Anselmina:
But I'm a fairly sociable creature in my own right. I promise I won't ... sit there like Banquo's ghost covered in sackcloth and ashes, bringing everyone down with my single status! [Big Grin]

No worries -- only your host would be able to see you shaking your gory locks.
 
Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
Anselmina said:
quote:
But I'm a fairly sociable creature in my own right. I promise I won't strip naked, set fire to the curtains or throw up on the table display if you invite me round to dinner by myself! Or sit there like Banquo's ghost covered in sackcloth and ashes, bringing everyone down with my single status!
No fun at all, then.... [Disappointed]

Mind you, you don't always have to be on your own to be ignored, or invisible. I well recall a church harvest supper, at which the then Lady Episcopal Digit was asked, by an Elderly Female Person sitting opposite ME (!), 'Does your husband take sugar?'. [Eek!]

IJ
 
Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
Thanks, all. It sucks--though I will say we've not had that experience at Cracker Barrel, only two Denny's. One of them by black servers, which was very odd.

The really amusing story is my husband's, from seminary days when he and a gang of five hungry guys went into a pizzeria and couldn't get waited on. They DID get asked, accusingly: "Was there money on that table?" as the servers apparently couldn't fathom that their behavior had led the previous party to leave without tipping.
 
Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
I think I'm rather relieved that we don't have either Denny's or Cracker Barrel* (which I'd not heard of until now) here, so I don't have to avoid them.

* the restaurant chain, not the cheese. We have that.
 
Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
Be comforted in the knowledge that you have missed nothing. Their food ranges from grindingly ordinary to rather poor. I will only dine there if there's absolutely no other restaurant open.
 
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
I've never been in a Cracker Barrel. Denny's breakfasts are decent but the other meals aren't.
 
Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
Anselmina--

Maybe that's the answer--they *want* you to do those things, if *you* want to.
[Biased]


BF--

quote:
Originally posted by Bishops Finger:
Mind you, you don't always have to be on your own to be ignored, or invisible. I well recall a church harvest supper, at which the then Lady Episcopal Digit was asked, by an Elderly Female Person sitting opposite ME (!), 'Does your husband take sugar?'. [Eek!]

IJ

Well, in restaurants, it used to be the done thing for a gentleman to order for a lady. Just turnabout.
[Biased]
 
Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :
 
We have Dennys here in Christchurch. I've only been in there once, with my nephew and sister-in-law on her birthday. To get a free dinner she had to prove it was her birthday, so she pulled out her firearms licence, which she had just passed and of which she was very proud (she was living a small town and had outperformed all the males in the class). We were served very promptly, but got some very strange looks from the servers.

I didn't know the chain had such a discriminatory history but now I do definitely wouldn't go there again.

Huia

[ 15. November 2017, 07:24: Message edited by: Huia ]
 
Posted by Anselmina (# 3032) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Golden Key:
Anselmina--

Maybe that's the answer--they *want* you to do those things, if *you* want to.
[Biased]



And to Bishop's Finger. Haha!! Maybe I just haven't been supplied with enough GIN and wine yet?!
[Big Grin]
 
Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Anselmina:
... enough GIN and wine ...

Does such a thing exist? [Snigger]
 


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