Ship of Fools: Jesus and Moses play golf

Thread: Jesus and Moses play golf Board: The Laugh Judgment / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by Simon (# 1) on :

Joke submitted by Marvin the Martian:

Jesus and Moses are bored stiff in heaven. "Hey Moses," says Jesus, "why don't we disguise ourselves, go down to earth and have a round of golf?"

Moses agrees, and after donning appropriate clothes and renting equipment they arrive at the first tee.

They flip a coin and Moses wins the honour. He takes a mighty swing and the ball sails 300 metres right down the middle of the fairway. "Nice shot," says Jesus grudgingly.

Jesus tees up his ball, takes a mighty swing and hooks the ball onto the side of a hill less than 100 metres away. A squirrel spots the ball, picks it up in his mouth and runs off. A snake curled up on the rock striikes out at the squirrel and swallows it whole, ball and all. Just then an eagle spots the snake, swoops down and carries it off in its talons. Just as the eagle flies over the first green, lightning flashes from the sky and hits the eagle, which drops the snake. The snake regurgitates the squirrel on contact with the ground, whereupon the squirrel drops the ball which rolls five metres across the green and into the hole.

Moses turns to Jesus and says, "Are we going to play golf, or just screw around?"

[ 07. July 2005, 00:03: Message edited by: Simon ]

Posted by Timothy the Obscure (# 292) on :

Maybe I'd find it funnier if I played golf.

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

Yes. It's got all the constituents of a joke all right but somehow it just isn't funny.

Posted by Anselm (# 4499) on :

Why Moses? I was waiting for the parting of the water hazard...

Posted by PerkyEars (# 9577) on :

Theres a funnier version of that where Jesus, Moses and God are playing, God does the miraculous shot, and Moses says "I hate playing with your Dad". Or something like that.

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Anselm:
Why Moses? I was waiting for the parting of the water hazard...

That's on a later hole [Biased]

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

Actually this has been one of the funnest of the lot for me. I guess I just get a charge out of thinking how a couple of miracle workers would play a game of Extreme Golf.

Posted by serena (# 7649) on :

Least funny version of that joke I've heard, I'm afraid.

Posted by Tree Bee (# 4033) on :

Nice! [Smile]

Posted by IconiumBound (# 754) on :

I think you blew the line. It should have been "Are you going to play golf or mess around with miracles?"

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :

quote:
Originally posted by IconiumBound:
I think you blew the line. It should have been "Are you going to play golf or mess around with miracles?"

Perhaps, but I've always preferred jokes that don't spell everything out like that.

The fact that Moses says Jesus is screwing around clearly shows that He was responsible for the sequence of events. Does it really need to be spelled out like that?

Or did you just have a problem with the word "screw"?

Posted by Sarkycow (# 1012) on :

For me, the joke works well because you've got this big build up of miraculous events, one after another, culminating in the squirrel dropping the ball in just the right place, and it running along into the hole.

Most peoples' response would be awe: "Wow. Jesus is amazing. He can do anything."

Instead, Moses gets pissed off with him for mucking around! He treats Jesus performing the miracles like you would a kid performing tricks with the ball, while you were trying to play football together "Very nice. Now, are we gonna play, or are you gonna piss around?"

[Big Grin]

I think it's hilarious. Jesus does the biz, and Moses tells him to quit mucking around!

Posted by da_musicman (# 1018) on :

Seems to be missing a final punchline. Would be infintely better with something added on the end like..

"And then they got off the bus."

But then I'm starnge like that.

Posted by superhancpetram (# 8842) on :

As Anselm said, there ought to be a water hazard in there somewhere:

quote:

Jesus, Moses, and an elderly gentleman were playing golf.

Moses steps up to the tee, swings - and drives his ball right into the water hazard.

"Not to worry" says Moses, and he raises his club, parts the water, walks onto the dry bed of the water hazard, and hits his ball onto the green.

Jesus steps up to the tee, swings, and hits the ball onto the water.

"No problem for me, either" says Jesus, and he walks out onto the water, calls the ball to the surface, swings, and chips the ball six inches from the hole.

The elderly gentleman steps up to the tee, takes a horrible swing, and hits the ball right towards the water.

"Oh, tough luck" says Moses.

The elderly gentleman doesn't say a word, because right then his ball hits a turtle, bounces in the air, is caught up by a bird, which drops it into the tree; a squirrel pushes it out of the tree, it bounces on the ground and an eagle swoops down, picks it up, and drops it into the hole for a hole-in-one.

Jesus says, "Come on dad, are you going to mess around or play golf?"

Posted by Carys (# 78) on :

quote:
Originally posted by superhancpetram:
As Anselm said, there ought to be a water hazard in there somewhere:

quote:

Jesus, Moses, and an elderly gentleman were playing golf.

Moses steps up to the tee, swings - and drives his ball right into the water hazard.

"Not to worry" says Moses, and he raises his club, parts the water, walks onto the dry bed of the water hazard, and hits his ball onto the green.

Jesus steps up to the tee, swings, and hits the ball onto the water.

"No problem for me, either" says Jesus, and he walks out onto the water, calls the ball to the surface, swings, and chips the ball six inches from the hole.

The elderly gentleman steps up to the tee, takes a horrible swing, and hits the ball right towards the water.

"Oh, tough luck" says Moses.

The elderly gentleman doesn't say a word, because right then his ball hits a turtle, bounces in the air, is caught up by a bird, which drops it into the tree; a squirrel pushes it out of the tree, it bounces on the ground and an eagle swoops down, picks it up, and drops it into the hole for a hole-in-one.

Jesus says, "Come on dad, are you going to mess around or play golf?"

Now that works much better than the original! I think because Moses and Jesus have 'messed' around but in a more minor way Jesus' comment is funnier as it's as though the eldery gentleman has taken it too far. The fact that it's Jesus' comment who tells us who the eldery gent is too helps I think. Also, maybe the three person structure helps. I don't know why but these story jokes seem to be threes.

Carys

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :

I like your version better!

Posted by showaddy (# 9282) on :

The punchline when I heard this, which I still like best, was:

Moses said "Come on, its only a game"

Posted by Duo Seraphim (# 3251) on :

Let's keep discussion to the joke in hand, h'mm? If you want to submit a joke, then click here. Otherwise, you'll make Pyx_e cry.

Duo Seraphim, Laugh Judgment Host

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