Thread: Day of Disaster Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.


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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
I was really disappointed to come back from holiday to find I'd missed seeing the Advent Wreath catch fire, and having to be hosed down (along with several of the altos and sopranos) with a fire extinguisher, just ten minutes into the morning service.

What else have I missed by not being at your church on the 'day it all went wrong'?
 
Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
You missed the high school orchestra playing Advent-y stuff to a packed church--until some poor fool leaned against a light switch and plunged them all into Stygian darkness.

[ 15. December 2012, 04:14: Message edited by: Lamb Chopped ]
 
Posted by bib (# 13074) on :
 
I was absent the day the large Paschal candle suddenly exploded (don't know why)and showered anyone in the vicinity with hot wax. Has anyone else had problems with candles like this?
 
Posted by Lots of Yay (# 2790) on :
 
You missed the day that the pastor accidentally spoonerised "forty bucks" during a sermon.

(Funnily the recording of that particular sermon was unsuccessful...)
 
Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Lots of Yay:
You missed the day that the pastor accidentally spoonerised "forty bucks" during a sermon.

(Funnily the recording of that particular sermon was unsuccessful...)

You are sure? [Paranoid]
 
Posted by leo (# 1458) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by bib:
I was absent the day the large Paschal candle suddenly exploded (don't know why)and showered anyone in the vicinity with hot wax. Has anyone else had problems with candles like this?

Yes - at a big funeral, during the communion.

I could have rescued it but I was holding a chalice.

The good thing was that it stopped our sacristan recycling he one from the previous year so we now have a new one annually.
 
Posted by The Rogue (# 2275) on :
 
Is this an alibi thread?
 
Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by bib:
I was absent the day the large Paschal candle suddenly exploded (don't know why)and showered anyone in the vicinity with hot wax. Has anyone else had problems with candles like this?

At a wedding, the candle on the end of the pew split open exposing the wick -- the whole candle went up in flames, spilling wax all over the mother and sister-in-law (me) of the bride.
 
Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
Oh, and speaking of Advent wreaths in the OP, we almost had a disaster with ours several years ago. At a Baptism the grandfather of the baby being baptized stepped backwards and bumped into the stand holding the lit wreath. Our Rector, with baby in one arm, managed to grab the wreath stand with his free hand and keep it from crashing, burning, and getting wax all over. There was applause from the congregation.
 
Posted by lily pad (# 11456) on :
 
We watched as the teenaged member of the family lighting the wreath leaned over to light the next candle and caught his sweater on fire from the flame of another candle. We're still not sure if the sweater had hair spray or something on it but the blue flame danced all over the front of the sweater over a period of about ten seconds. Only those in the congregation noticed. The teen and his family had no idea it had happened.
 
Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :
 
I took part in a service at a RC Church organised by a Funeral Company. There were about 200 people present. At a given moment, each person brought up a votive candle to commemorate a loved one. Soon they were burning brightly.

But they ultimately reached a "critical mass", there was a "whoosh" and flames leapt 10 feet into the air. Someone tried to cover the candles with a blanket, but merely knocked them all down. Then someone brought a fire extinguisher and sprayed everything with foam.

It was truly scary, but the only lasting damage was a scorched patch in the (brand new) carpet. Also, "the house was filled with smoke" and a christening party arrived within a few minutes. We could not pretend that the lingering fumes were merely incense ...

The Parish Priest, who'd been dubious about hosting the service in the first place, vowed never to do so again!

PS I also know of a Baptist church where they started to fill the baptistery. It was underneath a cover and normally takes about 1-2 hours to fill. They forgot about it ...

[ 15. December 2012, 16:31: Message edited by: Baptist Trainfan ]
 
Posted by mrs whibley (# 4798) on :
 
Due to icy roads about 15 years ago I missed the wedding of a schoolfriend who fainted during the vows. She was fine, thankfully.
 
Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
You missed the funeral service where I was acting as server and the Dean, having judged the size of the congregation and consecrated an appropriate quantity of wine, turned round after administering the Host to find that apart from the two Cathedral sidesmen, they'd all buggered off* and he and I** had to Reverently Consume nearly a full chalice.

* Although the deceased was an Anglican, his relations were all RC and didn't take the wine.

** He'd told me beforehand that I'd have to do most of the consuming as he had to go to a meeting with the Bishop ... [Eek!]

[ 16. December 2012, 01:29: Message edited by: piglet ]
 
Posted by ErinBear (# 13173) on :
 
This isn't a disaster, but it was funny, and by now almost 40 years ago. It was summer, and a very warm Sunday, so we had many doors open at our church. The minister was preaching the morning sermon. A stray cat decided to wander into the church through one of the transept doors, and straight up to the altar area. Apparently it was a happy cat, strolling along in a relaxed fashion with its tail raised high in the air like a flag. It walked up to the minister and rubbed against her like they were old friends! Right in the middle of the sermon. It sat there for a moment and listened to the sermon, then it strolled right back out again. None of us had ever seen the cat before, and we never saw it again. It definitely gave us all a smile that morning! [Yipee]

It seemed like a lovely cat, and well cared-for, so hopefully it belonged to somebody in the neighborhood. I hope so!

Blessings,
ErinBear

[ 16. December 2012, 14:15: Message edited by: ErinBear ]
 
Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
I think I met the same cat! Also about forty years ago, my college chapel -- again, the doors were open on a beautiful spring evening. I was reading the Lessons at Evensong, and said cat decided my legs were just where it wanted to rub its back.
[Help]
 
Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
And some people seem to think that going to church is boring!

Apparently, last week, I also missed the funeral of a former Wren. During the service a wren (bird) flew into the church, quite by chance, only to disappear again just as the service was ending. One of those 'shivery' moments, apparently.
 
Posted by Traveller (# 1943) on :
 
At our shack, we have candle holders that strap around the pillars, so that four candles (say it carefully, four candles, OK!) can be placed in said holders and lit for candlelit services such as carol services and midnight mass and so on.

Someone had the bright idea that it would be nice to decorate said candle holders with ivy, and did. Halfway through the Christmas Carol Service, with the church holding far more people than the local fire department would like (I'm not sure that they have ever been asked [Roll Eyes] ), some members of the choir realise that there is a funny smell coming from somewhere round about them, just above their heads. Hmmmm. Definitely a funny smell.

There was (there still is) a downdraught in our lovely ancient church, so the candles had burned down quickly, leaving the ivy in close proximity to candle flames. Singed, and then burning, ivy generates a very peculiar smell, I can confirm. Luckily, one of the tenors was 6ft 2ins and could reach up the ivy, to remove it discretely to the vestry where there is a water supply to douse the smouldering bits.

A discrete near disaster, but exciting for those who knew.
 
Posted by cheesymarzipan (# 9442) on :
 
If you come to our candlelit carol service this evening, you will probably not miss the many candles setting off the smoke alarm (it happens every year). Hopefully there won't be any actual fires, just the usual smoke!
ETA: you also will get to hear me playing the violin. Hopefully it will be in tune!

[ 16. December 2012, 15:21: Message edited by: cheesymarzipan ]
 
Posted by leo (# 1458) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by piglet:
You missed the funeral service where I was acting as server and the Dean, having judged the size of the congregation and consecrated an appropriate quantity of wine, turned round after administering the Host to find that apart from the two Cathedral sidesmen, they'd all buggered off* and he and I** had to Reverently Consume nearly a full chalice.

I've had a similar experience but put the full; chalice in the aumbry. Next Sunday, got the priest to consecrate a thimble full of fine and used the chalice contents from the previous service for the communion of the people.
 
Posted by Spike (# 36) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Chorister:
...I'd missed seeing the Advent Wreath catch fire, and having to be hosed down (along with several of the altos and sopranos)

Wet surplice competition? Do you have photos? [Snigger]
 
Posted by Sparrow (# 2458) on :
 
We had a young server's hair start to catch fire when she stepped back too close to a candle. Fortunately a quick-acting member of the congregation sprang forward and put it out.
 
Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
I'm rather concerned about the free-standing candlestands which are going to be placed behind our choir stalls for the Carol Service. At the very least I predict hot candlewax dripping onto surplices, at worst them being knocked over and doing even more damage. But hopefully the designer and the service planners have thought of that.... [Ultra confused]
 
Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Chorister:
I'm rather concerned about the free-standing candlestands which are going to be placed behind our choir stalls for the Carol Service. At the very least I predict hot candlewax dripping onto surplices, at worst them being knocked over and doing even more damage. But hopefully the designer and the service planners have thought of that.... [Ultra confused]

We were visiting relatives for Xmas about 10 years ago, and went down the street to their occasional church. The free standing candles on one side did fall over, on to my niece, my daughter and me. We did not catch fire, but clothing on all of us was ruined by wax and it certainly hurt to have hot wax everywhere. The minister and those in charge seemed oblivious to the humans involved, righted the fallen candle stand and relit them. Safety first with candles! And non-oblivious churchy people!
 
Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
How could I forget this one, especially since it was so recent?

Last year at the Easter Vigil, the priest carrying the just-lit Paschal candle didn't see a concrete bench right in front of him. He fell over the bench -- luckily doing very little injury to himself, but the candle was a goner.
 
Posted by Graven Image (# 8755) on :
 
Old church with heat grate in floor to side of altar. Choir got up to receive communion on Christmas Eve and one of the women got the heel of her shoe wedged in grate. She did not fall thanks to quick thinking choir member behind her, but had to step out of her shoe and keep on going, leaving it stuck in the grate. None but the altar party noticed as far as we knew. She simply removed her other shoe to walk out of the church at the end of the service. There was a lot of this [Killing me] once we were out of the church.
 
Posted by leo (# 1458) on :
 
One of my previous churches had those heating grates. Quite a few weddings involved the use of curtain rings because a best man had dropped the real ring down the grate.
 
Posted by Traveller (# 1943) on :
 
Our church has heating grates in the aisles too.

Occasionally, a bride has not noticed these or realised the danger - and got stuck halfway down the aisle with a stiletto heel a couple of inches below where the designer (or wearer) intended. [Help]
 
Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
I can remember two occasions when the bride's garter fell down embarrassingly early in the service. What does one do with a fallen garter - stoop down and pull it off, or hobble gamely around the church with it caught in your shoe?
 
Posted by AngloCatholicGirl (# 16435) on :
 
No exploding candles, but one of our pews now has a nice burn mark where someone's coat went up in flames at our candlelit carol service last Sunday (luckily they weren't wearing the coat at the time, they'd just decided to drape their coat on the back of the pew right next to a lit candle)
 
Posted by ExclamationMark (# 14715) on :
 
Mmmmm the ones I missed or the ones I've been part of (or culpable in)?

Candles.
An advent wreath in front of the pulpit candle burning down so far that its beginning to catch the holly at the bottom. Without breaking sentence or theme, the preacher at the caroil service (me) moves out and around and snuffs out the offending article to loud applause.

A modern church building with woden window ledges on which are placed logs with candles in them. Cue a carol service and candles burning down to allow logs to smoulder. Yoiuth group throw said logs into church car park.

At a chapel in a north devon (ahem, exclamation type village,) the candles for the carol service used to be put on a circular wheel like structure which was lit and hoisted into the rafters of the building. A long sermon -- and cue hot wax on heads and burning wood ....

Other Fire
Bonfire Night in the midlands. Church bonfire in a (small) church car park. Wood for fire, dry pallets. High wind. Cue big fire and fence to rear of car park begining to smoulder. Pails of water. Birch tree singed: replacement for neighbour purchased.

Water and Baptisms (too many to mention)
1. Overspill. Large baptistry pool takes 4 hours to fill, except this day when the water pressure has dropped owing to new houses being built next to church. After 3 hours, half full so minister calculates - at least another 2 hours. (Note design fault in said baptistery - no overflow).

An hour and a bit later - minister returns and pool overflowing onto carpet. Cue wet hoover! Turns out the water board had dropped the pressure for a time for "essentail work" but hadn't delivered a leaflet to the church as "they didn't think we used water in the week"

2. Too full. See 1. above but stopped at brink full. Assume a 2 day evaporation but it doesn't (hot weather). Minister (me) and candidate get in pool. MMM just about ok. Candidates father gets in - a well proprtioned gentleman. Water spills over. Baptise by immersion - bow wave hits the children sitting around the low wall, taking out the front row. Cur laughter

3. baptising cough sweets. A full church - me leading the service from a music stand. I have a sore throiat and my cough sweets are on the stand. As we begin the baptism itself, during the singng of a hymn I move the music stand but my lockets sail off the end and with a loud plop fall into the water. Cue hysteria from rows 1 and 2 who are the only ones who can see it.

4. Walking into the pool wearing and talkiking into a radio mic.

5. Talking and stepping forward from the side of the pool, forgetting the last step. Fall against church secretray who staggers across pool but we don't go under. Recorded on video

Communion
My first evening service between wood and water. I hand the plate of bread to a server who promptly drops it. I scoop bread up from tabel cloth. Cue hysteris from ch ec in front row. Have to restrain giggles myself - not a good thing in a new church, 2 weeks in.
 
Posted by WhyNotSmile (# 14126) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ExclamationMark:

5. Talking and stepping forward from the side of the pool, forgetting the last step. Fall against church secretray who staggers across pool but we don't go under. Recorded on video

I can't be the only person who would follow a link to YouTube for this... please?
 
Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :
 
These Paedobaptists just don't know how much we can have, do they?

I nearly came a cropper on Sunday night, as I was both doing some bits in the service and singing in the choir (gentlemen choristers being at a premium).

Before emerging for my "short message", I laid my SMOOTH BLACK music folder on the DARK BLUE carpet which was in the SHADOW of the pulpit and lit only by the reflected GLIMMER of the candles.

Of course I stepped onto the folder which scooted along the floor, and I had to grab hold of the pulpit front to stop myself falling. Fortunately no-one noticed.

On a different occsion, at Communion:

- served the bread around, everyone ate. So far so good.
- distributed the little cuppies and then, without drinking the "wine", launched into the post-communion prayer and announced the final hymn. Fortunately someone alerted me to my lapse. (I've also had offering bags waved at me from the back of the church, for the same reason).

And, when "preaching with a view" at my first church, I forgot to serve the Deacons with Communion and was rewarded with a loud stage whiser: "Serve us!" They still issued a call, though - they were pretty desperate for a Minister!

[ 19. December 2012, 11:32: Message edited by: Baptist Trainfan ]
 
Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
The vicar's wife stood too close to the fireworks, and ended up with extract of rocket in her cleavage.
(It would have been funny but apparently it hurt!)
 
Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :
 
One is tempted to quote a famous "Corporal Jones" phrase, albeit reversing the directon of travel!
 
Posted by birdie (# 2173) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by leo:
One of my previous churches had those heating grates. Quite a few weddings involved the use of curtain rings because a best man had dropped the real ring down the grate.

The church I grew up in had them, there was one at the bottom of the chancel steps, so there was a special bit of carpet to put over it for weddings, to avoid ring loss.
 
Posted by Lucrezia Spagliatoni Dayglo (# 16907) on :
 
My Father-in-Law tells a tale of a funeral he attended many years ago in Ireland. On arrival at the church he smelt an unplaceable but oddly familiar smell. In the sacristy two teenage acolytes were teasing a rather small altar boy with, what appeared to be, brylcreemed hair. When the funeral began the acolytes were seen trying to set fire to the altar boy's hair as they processed down the aisle. The poor little chap had been treated for head lice and was still covered in extremely flammable prioderm lotion. There was more smoke coming from the top of his head than from the thurible! The service became even more entertaining when the local taxi service tuned into the PA system and the service was punctuated with shouts of "Mother of God, where am I going?" "Jesus, Mary and Joseph I'm lost!"and "I've taken a wrong turn and I can't go back" There wasn't a dry eye in the church!
 
Posted by Sandemaniac (# 12829) on :
 
OUr church has an annual candlelit service with bells (and an annual explanation that no, we can't ring in the dark). Every year there's a terrivle fuss about safety, with buckets of water all over the place...

...and a couple of years ago the church was without heating over Christmas because someone hadn't thought that the little plstic thingy they'd placed the candle under (a) might melt and (b) controlled the central heating.

A definite case of risk management looking at precautions, not at the real risk! Incidentally, given how many accidents there are on this thread, how on earth is the church allowed to keep using candles? [Devil]

AG
 
Posted by Carex (# 9643) on :
 
The best man fainted at a wedding I attended.

Spring-loaded candle holders keep the candle flame at a fixed height as the candle burns down. You insert the new candle from the top, pushing down the spring, then screw on the cap to hold it in place. Unless, of course, the cap bites into the built-up wax rather than the mating threads of the holder, in which case the whole lit candle shoots into the air in the middle of the service when the wax softens.
 
Posted by HughWillRidmee (# 15614) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by leo:
One of my previous churches had those heating grates. Quite a few weddings involved the use of curtain rings because a best man had dropped the real ring down the grate.

My dad always carried a brass curtain ring when taking weddings for the same reason.
 
Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :
 
Carex, I'm sitting here laughing so hard my stomach hurts! I can imagine a dignified church service when suddenly a candle goes airborne. Like fireworks!

Most of our disasters have to do with fingers getting stuck in the communion rail, or naked (almost) guests coming to weddings. Things like that.
 
Posted by leo (# 1458) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Carex:
Spring-loaded candle holders keep the candle flame at a fixed height as the candle burns down. You insert the new candle from the top, pushing down the spring, then screw on the cap to hold it in place. Unless, of course, the cap bites into the built-up wax rather than the mating threads of the holder, in which case the whole lit candle shoots into the air in the middle of the service when the wax softens.

Yes - i once watched 5 of the six candles on an altar either pop out or go out.
 
Posted by Heavenly Anarchist (# 13313) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Carex:
The best man fainted at a wedding I attended.

Spring-loaded candle holders keep the candle flame at a fixed height as the candle burns down. You insert the new candle from the top, pushing down the spring, then screw on the cap to hold it in place. Unless, of course, the cap bites into the built-up wax rather than the mating threads of the holder, in which case the whole lit candle shoots into the air in the middle of the service when the wax softens.

I want to lobby my church for spring- loaded candles, they sound like great fun [Smile]
 
Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
We used to worship in a lovely brick church that got hotter than an oven in the summer (no AC). You could watch the tall wax candles on the candelabra begin to bend, curl, and finally droop floorward like enormous vampire claws. They had to be kept in the fridge or something between services.
 
Posted by Panda (# 2951) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Carex:
The best man fainted at a wedding I attended.

Spring-loaded candle holders keep the candle flame at a fixed height as the candle burns down. You insert the new candle from the top, pushing down the spring, then screw on the cap to hold it in place. Unless, of course, the cap bites into the built-up wax rather than the mating threads of the holder, in which case the whole lit candle shoots into the air in the middle of the service when the wax softens.

I am astounded that someone actually thought to themselves, "Springs + lit candles. Yeah, that'll work."

My husband backed into a fully-loaded pricket stand at an Orthodox Easter service and burned a hole in the back of his fleece. People around him patted it out, but it left an interesting scorch mark. NB - burning fleece smells awful.

I was serving at the Easter vigil when my vicar set his alb sleeve on fire, trying to light the New Fire in a bowl on the table (raining outside) from the paschal candle. I don't actually remember how we put him out!
 


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