Ship of Fools: But, but, but!

Thread: But, but, but! Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

A new game, inspired by this quote on another thread:

Of course: it is wrong to pour water over the head of a visiting Bishop generally but not when he has inadvertently set fire to his mitre!

First poster posts a supposedly unequivocal statement, second poster finds a 'but...' to add to disprove the assertion. And then posts another bold statement for the next poster to counter.

OK, so I'll begin:

It is always wrong to tell lies.

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

It is always wrong to tell lies - but allowable if these are in fact the droids they're looking for.

Dinnae push your granny off a bus

Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on :

Dinnae push your granny off a bus, but if the bus is underwater and sinking fast, it might be a good idea.

Never knock pictures off the wall if your daddy says no.

*Me: [4 yo Daughter]: What's always bad? I can't think of anything.

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

Never knock pictures off the wall if your daddy says no, but if your daddy is away you can do what you want.

Don't shoplift

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :

Don't shoplift unless it has fallen on your granny, in which case you really should lift it off of her.

Don't pick your nose

Posted by Kitten (# 1179) on :

Don't pick your nose unless you are looking in a plastic surgeon's catalogue

Don't run with scissors

Posted by Hedgehog (# 14125) on :

Don't pick your nose but, if you are consulting with a plastic surgeon, then go ahead and pick the one you like best.

Never draw to an inside straight.

[ETA: Aaaargh! Cross-post! Ignore mine.]

[ 16. August 2012, 20:19: Message edited by: Hedgehog ]

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :

Don't run with scissors, but walk purposefully with a machete.

Never draw to an inside straight.

Posted by Barnabas62 (# 9110) on :

Never draw to an inside straight but remember Terence Reese's rule that in poker you should never always do anything.

Never give a sucker an even break

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

Never give a sucker an even break, but dissolve it in your mouth to the last, delicious sliver.

Don't go swimming until an hour after you have eaten

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :

Don't go swimming until an hour after you have eaten, but take your drink with you to the pool.

Spare the rod and spoil the child.

Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :

Spare the rod and spoil the child, but use it and the Children's Dept will cane you.

Don't shoot squirrels with a bazooka.

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :

Don't shoot squirrels with a bazooka, but, if you must, make your shots count—try to score three or more at once.

Never eat sour watermelons

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

Never eat sour watermelons, but sweet ones taste very nice.

Don't watch more than 2 hours of TV each night

Posted by rolyn (# 16840) on :

Don't watch more than 2 hours of TV each night, but if you're an insomniac listen to the radio instead.

I really thought this game would be easy

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

I really thought this game would be easy, but cliches are like ear worms- they are hard to gainsay.

Love your enemy

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :

Love your enemy but don't give them a hug if they're carrying a knife.

Don't play with your food

Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :

Don't play with your food unless it's meatballs, when you can juggle.

Don't bounce too high on the trampoline

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

Don't bounce too high on the trampoline, but if you are doing the high jump then the whole point is to jump as high as possible.

Don't drink and drive

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

Don't drink and drive, but if your beverage is non-alcoholic, it's OK.

Don't cheat on your taxes.

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

Don't cheat on your taxes, unless you can afford a top class accountant.

Never play a ball game you haven't played for ten years.

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

Never play a ball game you haven't played for ten years, unless you have small children, and you're teaching it to them.

Don't count your chickens before they hatch.

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :

Don't count your chickens before they hatch; you'll have to count eggs instead.

Don't put the cart before the horse.

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

Don't put the cart before the horse, unless you have filled the cart with oats for the horse's supper.

Keep holy the Sabbath day

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

Keep holy the sabbath day, unless you have lots of DIY to do and only one day off that week.

Brush your teeth twice a day

Posted by Nanny Ogg (# 1176) on :

Brush your teeth twice a daybut don't use a fox's tail.

Smoking is bad for your health

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

Smoking is bad for your health, unless it involves a tasty hunk of salmon.

Never go to bed angry

Posted by PeteC (# 10422) on :

[and here was me thinking A circus thread around Prince Harry?]

[ 25. August 2012, 14:41: Message edited by: PeteC ]

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

Never go to bed angry, but it is ok to wake up angry.

Don't put all your eggs in one basket

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

Don't put all your eggs in one basket, unless you need to transport all your eggs, and you only have one basket.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, unless you're into BDSM and they're not.

Fine words butter no parsnips

Posted by Kitten (# 1179) on :

Fine words butter no parsnips but parsnips are nicer with a honey glaze anyway

Cast not a clout until May is out

Posted by Morlader (# 16040) on :

Cast not a clout until May is out, but clout not May even though she is out.

A stitch in time saves nine.

Posted by Niminypiminy (# 15489) on :

A stitch in time saves nine, but wundaweb is better.

People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, unless the glass house is on fire and there is no other way out than to break the glass.

Drink 8 glasses of water every day

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

Drink 8 glasses of water every day if you have never eaten a single thing with even the slightest bit of moisture in it.

Don't bite the hand that feeds you.

[ 27. August 2012, 05:25: Message edited by: churchgeek ]

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

Don't bite the hand that feeds you, unless you've agreed on a "safe word".

When changing lanes, always check your blind spot.

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :

When changing lanes, always check your blind spot, unless you're driving a Mack.

Don't piss in a swimming pool .

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

Don't piss in a swimming pool unless you're the last one in, it's about to be drained, and you've reeeeaaallllly gotta go.

Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.

Posted by Niminypiminy (# 15489) on :

Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country - unless it's run for parliament.

Engage brain before opening mouth

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

Engage brain before opening mouth, unless you don't have a brain to engage.

Keep the gate shut at all times

Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :

Keep the gate shut at all times, but learn how to pole-vault.

Smile and the world smiles with you

Posted by Kitten (# 1179) on :

Smile and the world smiles with you, snore and you'll sleep alone

Don't pick it, you'll only make it worse

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

Don't pick it, you'll only make it worse. Unless you are talking about your nose, which is so ugly that not even picking it could make it worse.

Stop, look, and listen

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

Stop, look, and listen, unless you're in the middle of traffic.

In a similar vein,
Stop, drop, and roll

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

Stop drop and roll, unless you are on the edge of a 100ft. cliff.

Eat your greens

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

Eat your greens, unless its the blue-green fuzzy stuff on mystery meat in the back of the fridge. [Paranoid]

Always remember your significant other's birthday.

Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :

Always remember your significant other's birthday, unless you're the Queen, in which case remember your significant other birthday.

Never let your father dance

Posted by beachcomber (# 17294) on :

Never let your father dance mac-abre

Never come too soon

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

Never come too soon, unless you have really bad punctuality anxiety that even arriving on time gives you a panic attack.

Always wear a watch

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

Always wear a watch, except in the shower.

The grass is always greener on the other side.

(Hope we haven't had that one already)

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

The grass is always greener on the other side, except in the Mojave Desert where it is brown on every side.

Stop and smell the roses.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

But not when they're covered in dung.

always look on the bright side of life

Posted by Hedgehog (# 14125) on :

Always look on the bright side of life, but wear sunglasses to protect your vision.

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Posted by beachcomber (# 17294) on :

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

but avoid the other end.

Always bet on the winning horse

[ 31. August 2012, 16:51: Message edited by: beachcomber ]

Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :

Always bet on the winning horse, but you might find it easier to bet in the betting shop.

Look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves

[ 31. August 2012, 19:06: Message edited by: Below the Lansker ]

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

Look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves, but don't weigh yourself down with a purse full of 1p coins.

Don't eat carbs after 6pm

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :

Always wear a watch so you can be continuously and painfully reminded that time is slipping by so fast and your heartbeats are getting slower, you haven't accomplished anything at all in life and you're nearly ready for the glue factory.

A rolling stone gathers no moss

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :

What the f*ck? Uhhh... sorry, everybody! Somehow I missed a lot of posts somewhere... I'm getting mighty sick of this happening!

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

A Rolling Stone gathers no moss, but a Beatle may.

And seeing as it was missed before, Don't eat carbs after 6pm

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

Don't eat carbs after 6pm, but since it is always after 6pm somewhere in some way, you'd better just become a complete carnivore and have done with it.

Be nice to people on your way up the ladder.

Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :

Be nice to people on your way up the ladder - alternatively, drop your bucket on their heads so they can't follow you.

Don't let your dog foul the pavement

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

Don't let your dog foul the pavement, unless you are a jerk and can't be bothered to clean it up.

Do not enter without a hard hat

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

Do not enter without a hard hat, but wearing it is optional.

Love your enemies.

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :

love your enemies but not in a war zone

turn the other cheek

Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :

Turn the other cheek, unless you've been careless with a chainsaw and don't have one.

Light the fuse and stand clear

Posted by beachcomber (# 17294) on :

Light the fuse and stand clear unless the cat's pissed on the matches.

Fuse the light and grope in the dark

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

Fuse the light and grope in the dark, unless you are alone.

Paint your nails multicoloured

Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :

Paint your nails multicoloured, but don't then feed smarties to squirrels.

Mind the gap

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

Mind the gap, but don't try to do the long jump when getting off the train.

Gale force winds in the north

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

Except when they're singing 'The Answer my Friend is Blowing in the Wind' in the South.

Each, Peach, Pear, Plum

Posted by beachcomber (# 17294) on :

Each, Peach, Pear, Plum ere May be out.

Neery a peach, pear, Plumbago

[ 07. September 2012, 15:21: Message edited by: beachcomber ]

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

Neery a peach, pear, Plumbago - and if you have any idea what this means, you can have an apple.

Take your vitamins!

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

Take your vitamins, but remove the foil first.

Speak no ill of the dead

Posted by beachcomber (# 17294) on :

Speak no ill of the dead and unwrap your vitamins first.

Displaced bed syndrome may

[ 08. September 2012, 16:57: Message edited by: beachcomber ]

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

Beachcomber, I think you've misunderstood how this game works. Did you read the OP?

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

Displaced bed syndrome may, but you need to complete your sentences for those of us that haven't quite mastered telepathy yet.

Love your neighbour

Posted by Kitten (# 1179) on :

Love your neighbour, especially if he has a great ass that you covet

Don't fight fire with fire

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

Don't fight fire with fire, but have a BBQ

My strength is as the strength of ten

Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :

My strength is as the strength of ten. They're hamsters.

Don't stop thinking about tomorrow.

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

Don't stop thinking about tomorrow, unless thinking about the future gives you anxiety.

Please don't take photographs

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

unless they're in a pile with a notice on them saying 'Please take one'.

Pride comes before a fall

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

Pride comes before a fall, unless you're tripping the light fantastic.

We are the champions

Posted by claret10 (# 16341) on :

We are the champions, until we loose

Never leave till tomorrow, what can be done today

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

Never leave till tomorrow, what can be done today, unless next week looks better still.

Practice makes perfect.

[ 10. September 2012, 18:53: Message edited by: Lyda*Rose ]

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :

quote:
Originally posted by no prophet:
Don't go swimming until an hour after you have eaten, but take your drink with you to the pool....

This is much easier if you have a swim-up bar in the shallow end!

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

Practice makes perfect, but nobody told my doctors that.

Be mine, be mine!

Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :

Be mine, be mine! I need a new liver.

I've got you under my skin

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

but you're a thorn in the flesh.

Never say never

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

Never say never but never say always either.

Let the heavens fall and the earth combust

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

Let the heavens fall and the earth combust but if my opponent throws a five his armour save will protect him.

Don't walk across a child's bedroom floor with bare feet

[ 13. September 2012, 14:52: Message edited by: Sioni Sais ]

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

Don't walk across a child's bedroom floor with bare feet, but you are free to walk across the ceiling dressed however you choose.

Men please wear shirts

Posted by Morlader (# 16040) on :

... but women please go topless, 'cos it increases turnover.

A30 traffic, use both lanes

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

...but go back to using one if there's oncoming traffic.

Bless my soul

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

Bless my soul, unless you are really Satan.

Let us pray

Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :

Let us pray, but tomato fertiliser.

Nowt so queer as folk

Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :

Nowt so queer as folk, except those who speak incongruously of tomato fertiliser?

Watch your back

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

Watch your back, unless your only eyes are on the front of your head.

Switch the light off

Posted by Morlader (# 16040) on :

Switch the light off, but don't put your feet on the floor unless you like cockroaches crunching underfoot.

Make hay while the sun shines

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :

Always wear a watch, but try to remember that trousers are useful, too.

Never leave till tomorrow

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

Make hay while the sun shines but don't forget your antihistamines.

I wonder where I wander

Posted by Morlader (# 16040) on :

I wonder where I wander but my satnav knows where I am (wish I'd remembered to bring it [Frown]

)

Keep right on to the end of the road.

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :

Keep right on to the end of the roadbut ring the AA first to make sure it hasn't fallen into the sea.

There's no fool like an old fool

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

There's no fool like an old fool, but the young fools want to fight for equality.

Stay calm and breathe deeply

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

Unless you are under water.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but an orange a day sends him running.

Take your clothes off before showering

Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :

Take your clothes off before showering, unless you don't wear any, in which case try to put some on for visiting time.

Do not attempt to use this appliance underwater

(genuine instruction with a new hairdryer)

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :

Do not attempt to use this appliance [a hairdryer] underwater, unless you really, really hate your grandmother, and you are absolutely certain that nobody at the Met watches old Bond films.

Always go the shortest way to work

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

Always go the shortest way to work, unless you want to be late.

Keep your germs off of me

Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :

Keep your germs off of me, unless they have chocolate.

Many a mickle makes a muckle

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

Unless you are referring to chocolate, which gets eaten waaaaay before it turns into a large amount.

Always look on the bright side of life

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

Always look on the bright side of life, unless the light at the end of the tunnel is that of an oncoming train.

Let not the sun go down on your wrath

Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on :

Let not the sun go down on your wrath, but not if you're a cleaner on the evening shift on a Saturday night in late December in an Accident and Emergency department.

Don't put a plastic bag over your head.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

....unless you are having your highlights retouched.

Never count your chickens before they're hatched

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

...unless you're planning an omelette

Now blessed be these sons of York

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

Now blessed be these sons of York, unless they actually aren't from York.

Don't drop litter

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

... unless you're laying a paper-chase.

Don't call a police(wo)man a pleb

Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on :

... unless you make it very clear that you are using an acronym of respect: "You are a PLEB: a Proficient Law Enforcing Bobby, and I honour you..."

Don't talk with your mouth full

Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :

...unless you really hate the person opposite.

Neither a borrower nor a lender be

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

But then what wouldMary Norton write about?

Bow to your partner

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

But time it so you don't knock heads with them as they bow to you. (Ouch!)

Rinse your dishes before placing them in the dishwasher.

[ 30. September 2012, 00:36: Message edited by: churchgeek ]

Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :

...but not so well that someone thinks it's been run.

Throw spilled salt over your left shoulder...

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

Throw spilled salt over your left shoulder, unless injury to your right arm makes this impossible.

Nothing is impossible

Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :

Nothing is impossible, but so much is unbelievable.

Smile and the world smiles with you...

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

Smile and the world smiles with you, but eat onions, beans, and Limburger cheese and the world will give you your space.

Wait til your father gets home...

Posted by WhateverTheySay (# 16598) on :

Wait til your father gets home, unless your father is evil and you have to get out before he returns.

Look me in the eye

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

Look me in the eye, and tell me my back zip is undone.

never tickle a snake under the chin

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

unless he's one of these snakes [Smile]

Clunk, click, every trip

Posted by TomOfTarsus (# 3053) on :

Clunk, click, every trip, but I've never seen an oil drip!

No good deed goes unpunished

Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :

No good deed goes unpunished, but a bad one can be so much fun.

From acorns, great trees will grow...

Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on :

From acorns, great trees will grow, but not if some genetic engineer freak has messed about with the acorn.

A courtyard common to all will be swept by none.*

* A Chinese proverb apparently.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

But if you pay your (very expensive) yearly maintenance fee, someone can be persuaded to sweep it for you all.

Don't put all your eggs in one basket.

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

Don't put all your eggs in one basket, but if you do it's less likely to be a disaster if you don't break and scramble them first.

The children are the future

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :

Unless they're in Hull. In which case, they really weren't looking forward to theirs anyhow.

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