Thread: Gag-Tag or Famous Re-Phrases Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.
To visit this thread, use this URL:
http://forum.ship-of-fools.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=70;t=025607
Posted by alienfromzog (# 5327) on
:
quote:
It has literally been years since we last played this game but I think it time...
The rules are very simple; One person puts down the first half of a well known phrase/expression. The next person to post should add an 'alternative' ending. The aim is to be funny rather than right.
For example:
If you can keep your head whilst all around you are losing theirs...
...you'll be taller than everyone else!
or
Don't count your chickens...
...before you get past Tesco Security Mr Worrell-Thompson
(A version of this is played on the legendary Radio 4 show I'm Sorry, I haven't a Clue)
So having completed the previous expression in a (h***fully) humourous way, each post should end with the next phrase or saying.
Let sleeping dogs...
AFZ
<small>[ 09. December 2012, 19:08: Message edited by: alienfromzog ]</small>
<small>[ 13. February 2013, 04:37: Message buggered about with by: Ariston ]</small>
[ 14. February 2013, 15:28: Message edited by: Ariston ]
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
...fart.
A stitch in time...
Posted by comet (# 10353) on
:
happens when your clock runs too fast.
Over the river and through the woods...
Posted by alienfromzog (# 5327) on
:
Over the river and through the woods...
...under the fence. Scale the wall. On to the roof. In though the skylight. Silently along the corridor to the bedroom as the moonlight shines through the windo... Oh bugger I forgot the chocolates!
For Non-UK shipmates who don't get the reference...
A bird in the hand...
AFZ
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
...will shit on your sleeve.
The hand that rocks the cradle...
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
...soon gets tired.
There's many a slip...
Posted by balaam (# 4543) on
:
...when people don't clean up after their dogs.
Too many cooks...
Posted by Niminypiminy (# 15489) on
:
... attempt Chocolate Fondant on Masterchef.
Men seldom make passes
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
...at girls with saggy arses.
Look before you....
Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on
:
...pick up that stick that's actually a snake.
(The sad voice of experience.)
He who laughs last...
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
...has not really got the joke.
There's no smoke without...
Posted by jbohn (# 8753) on
:
...the computer being truly dead.
Once more into the breach...
Posted by Yam-pk (# 12791) on
:
is not how to ask directions to the seaside in China!
A lie gets halfway around the world before...
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
...before Snopes has got a page up.
The journey of a thousand miles...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
-is too far.
Where there's a will -
Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on
:
there'll be greedy relatives.
A rolling stone
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
...is on tour - lock up your grandmothers!
He who pays the piper...
Posted by balaam (# 4543) on
:
...is deaf
A leopard cannot change...
Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on
:
... a sum greater than five pounds.
There are lies, damned lies and ...
Posted by TomOfTarsus (# 3053) on
:
political platforms... ![[Disappointed]](graemlins/disappointed.gif)
The early bird...
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
. . . needs to go the fuck back to sleep.
Early to bed, early to rise . . .
Posted by claret10 (# 16341) on
:
...a boring person makes.
Great minds thimk alike.....
Posted by piglet (# 11803) on
:
... fools are more original.
In for a penny ...
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
...and it's only a fart.
Too many cooks...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
won't fit in the freezer.
Do as -
Posted by jbohn (# 8753) on
:
...I say, not as I do.
To sleep, to sleep, perchance...
Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on
:
...just to get a decent night's kip! [/frustrated parent]
Where there's a will...
Posted by alienfromzog (# 5327) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Stejjie:
Where there's a will...
There's a platoon to fire at him.
'tis better to have loved and lost...
afz
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
- than to have got stuck for life.
If at first you don't succeed -
Posted by TomOfTarsus (# 3053) on
:
... but next time I'll just find a woman that hates me and give her a house!
Blast it! Cross posted with jacobsen
If at first you don't succeed, try hitting the "Post Reply" button quicker!
Haste makes...
[ 11. December 2012, 14:11: Message edited by: TomOfTarsus ]
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
pratfalls.
You're never alone with a -
Posted by Jane R (# 331) on
:
...with a Full Choral Evensong.
Red sky at night...
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
...barn on fire.
Charity begins...
Posted by balaam (# 4543) on
:
...is a sure sign of Armageddon. Where's my tinfoil hat?
Never judge a book...
[xpost with K:LB]
Charity begins... at the second hand shops on the high street.
Never judge a book...
[ 11. December 2012, 14:28: Message edited by: balaam ]
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
...until you've established whether the pages are soft and absorbent.
The light at the end of the tunnel...
Posted by claret10 (# 16341) on
:
...is an illusions
Think before you...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
- throttle that annoying person ahead of you in the queue.
Never speak to -
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
...a motion recommending the abolition of Christmas.
It's an ill wind....
Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Firenze:
It's an ill wind....
... that flows from the baked bean eating contest.
Live and let...
Posted by Yam-pk (# 12791) on
:
out a nice holiday cottage in Cornwall.
A nagging wife is like...
Posted by alienfromzog (# 5327) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Yam-pk:
A nagging wife is like...
the most beautiful woman in the world, a wonderful mother, great cook and all round genuinely amazing person...
(she's like all these things but different... ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
)
A long time ago...
AFZ
Posted by claret10 (# 16341) on
:
...you were still very strange
![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
Many a mickle makes a ....
Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on
:
...person wonder what a "mickle" is. ![[Confused]](confused.gif)
If you can't stand the heat...
Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on
:
...use fewer chillies.
Ne'er cast a clout...
Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on
:
.. w'out a buyer
Are you now or have you ever been...
Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on
:
Are you now or have you ever been...
a Justin Bieber fan?
Out of the pot and ....
Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on
:
...into the crystal meth, it's a growing market.
You wouldn't read...
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
...the Daily Mail unless you want to lose the will to live.
In for a penny...
Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on
:
... out for a euro (where's that potty paper?)
The grass is greener ....
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
out for free.
(As yet public loos don't charge at the exit.)
There's many a slip -
Ah, cross posted
The grass is always greener on the side of the motorway.
There's many a slip-
[ 12. December 2012, 12:20: Message edited by: jacobsen ]
Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on
:
- when the fast bowlers are on with the new ball. (cricket)
The first shall be last and ..
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
-the last, tired of waiting, will have gone to the pub.
Bless me Father, for I have -
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
...a sheep hiding in the bathroom.
It's an ill wind...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
- that follows beans on toast.
To each -
Posted by Yam-pk (# 12791) on
:
according to their ability, to each accordion to his knees...
...And ye shall know the the truth, and the truth shall....
Posted by claret10 (# 16341) on
:
...scare you into submission
In the beginning....
Posted by Chorister (# 473) on
:
was an early bird.
Never say
Posted by TomOfTarsus (# 3053) on
:
"Sure I'll handle children's church this quarter!"
To every thing there is a season...
Posted by Jane R (# 331) on
:
...except in Tesco's fruit and veg department.
It is better to travel hopefully...
Posted by balaam (# 4543) on
:
...than to trust an out of date Sat-Nav.
A bird in the hand...
Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on
:
...is an odd way to carry your pet budgie.
Hell hath no fury like...
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
...me when a LibDem comes canvassing.
There's no fool like a(n)...
Posted by Jane R (# 331) on
:
...April Fool.
Look after the pennies...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
gooseberry fool for mouthwatering tangy flavour.
Damn. X-posted
Look after the pennies and you can fill a large jar.
Red sky at night -
[ 13. December 2012, 08:45: Message edited by: jacobsen ]
Posted by TomOfTarsus (# 3053) on
:
From a tough fire-fight!
Red sky at morning
Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on
:
makes a good day for a lie-in.
It's six of one,
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
...who's not as good eye candy as Seven of Nine.
Here today...
Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on
:
...unless you need it urgently (in which case it'll likely be here next week).
Sticks and stones may break my bones...
Posted by claret10 (# 16341) on
:
...but a fall off a cliff probably will.
Absence makes the heart...
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by claret10:
...but a fall off a cliff probably will.
Absence makes the heart...
...stop beating.
Better the devil you know...
[ 13. December 2012, 22:34: Message edited by: Stetson ]
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
-he knows your preferences.
Win some -
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Win some..... gloat some ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
If the cap fits....
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Smudgie:
Win some..... gloat some
If the cap fits....
...it'll hide your features from the CCTV.
A rolling stone...
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
...may be the first you know of the avalanche.
Little jugs have...
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
:
...their own fetish sites.
Hell hath no fury...
Posted by Chorister (# 473) on
:
like a hellhost with a hangover
(these host and admin Christmas parties, they are seriously heavy stuff man.... ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
)
In the bleak midwinter
[ 14. December 2012, 20:54: Message edited by: Chorister ]
Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on
:
- the trains and buses don't run.
Just play. Have fun. Enjoy ....
Posted by cheesymarzipan (# 9442) on
:
Enjoy playing the wrong notes in Christmas carols.
From little acorns...
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
...you can make a really foul coffee substitute.
Birds of a feather..
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
. . . need to be plucked before eating.
Arguing with a lawyer is like mud wrestling a pig . . .
quote:
Originally posted by Chorister:
like a hellhost with a hangover
(these host and admin Christmas parties, they are seriously heavy stuff man.... )
Speak for yourself, lightweight.
Posted by alienfromzog (# 5327) on
:
Arguing with a lawyer is like mud wrestling a pig . .
kinda fun at the time but you're bound to go away feeling dirty.
Don't put all your eggs..
AFZ
Posted by claret10 (# 16341) on
:
... where the dog can get them.
Life, the universe and....
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
...a bath of warm chocolate can add up to a really good night in.
Never give a sucker..
[ 15. December 2012, 13:53: Message edited by: Firenze ]
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
to someone with a swallowing disorder.
The more it rains...
Posted by claret10 (# 16341) on
:
the more the english complain
Abandon hope, all ye who....
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
:
...enter 'The X Factor' without first testing thy act on a local show circuit.
There are none so blind as...
[ 15. December 2012, 16:13: Message edited by: kankucho ]
Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on
:
Those who drive in shades at night (see TICTH from a few days back).
There's no business like
Posted by Chorister (# 473) on
:
ACME.
Deck the halls with
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
Spikes and man-traps.
Ne'er cast a clout
Posted by Garasu (# 17152) on
:
... in an open-plan boudoir.
Many a mickle...
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
...started life as a Michelle.
Up Shit Creek without...
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
...Apple Maps
The hurrieder I go...
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
:
...the ungrammaticaler I become.
You can't make an omelet...
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
:
...so let's have waffles.
Rome wasn't built...
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
...it was extruded from the magma.
Every time it rains...
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
The Daily Express insists it proves that global warming isn't happening.
One for sorrow, two for joy...
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
...but three tequilas and you're totally out of it.
There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio...
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
...than beer and sex and chips and gravy, but apart from rock and roll, you can manage without them.
When in Rome
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
...make sure you go to Luigi's Trattatoria on Via Materosa and 5th.
Pride goes before a ...
Posted by piglet (# 11803) on
:
...nd Prejudice
Look before you ...
Posted by TomOfTarsus (# 3053) on
:
Look before you...
... buy that Speedo bathing suit for your aging self!
Penny wise...
(edited for page break)
[ 17. December 2012, 14:07: Message edited by: TomOfTarsus ]
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
...but her sister a definitely foolish virgin.
A fool and his money...
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
:
...help keep the arts alive.
If you can't beat 'em...
Posted by TomOfTarsus (# 3053) on
:
cheat brazenly!
Walk softly...
Posted by Chorister (# 473) on
:
your shoes haven't been paid for yet.
Summertime, and the living is
Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on
:
...sneezy
softly, softly, catchee...
Posted by Traveller (# 1943) on
:
... something you can get treated at the STI clinic.
Once in Royal David's city ...
Posted by Jane R (# 331) on
:
...but never again because the one-way system is TERRIBLE.
You can lead a horse to water...
Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on
:
... but have you ever thought of bringing the water to the horse? Much easier!
Light the blue touchpaper and...
Posted by Chorister (# 473) on
:
get roasted salt on your Smiths Crisps.
(you need to be over 50 to get that one)
P-p-p-p-pick up a
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
peck of pickled peppers.
Once bitten -
Posted by Garasu (# 17152) on
:
... forever maimed.
All's fair...
Posted by alienfromzog (# 5327) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Chorister:
get roasted salt on your Smiths Crisps.
(you need to be over 50 to get that one)
No you don't. Salt 'n' Shake made a brief comeback in the '80's...
All's fair...
in love and war and Tiddlywinks
How many roads must a man walk down...
AFZ
Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on
:
...until he stops and asks for directions?
Is this the real life? Is this just...
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
...Memorex?
You can't get to Heaven...
[ 18. December 2012, 18:54: Message edited by: mousethief ]
Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on
:
...before he can find a bus stop
Hear no evil, see no evil...
Posted by jbohn (# 8753) on
:
...the isolation helmet's working well.
In for a penny...
Posted by balaam (# 4543) on
:
...except for the superloos which are in for a pound.
A stitch in time...
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
...was one of the few knitting-related Dr Who episodes.
All that glitters...
Posted by Chorister (# 473) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by alienfromzog:
quote:
Originally posted by Chorister:
get roasted salt on your Smiths Crisps.
(you need to be over 50 to get that one)
No you don't. Salt 'n' Shake made a brief comeback in the '80's...
Except the salt then came in a hermetically sealed blue plasticy packet rather than the blue paper twist of old.
All that glitters....
is my hands after opening all these tinsel-encrusted Christmas Cards.
Half a pound of
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
grated cheese goes a very long way.
You look sweet upon -
Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on
:
...that school photo, but now I'm not so sure ![[Paranoid]](graemlins/paranoid.gif)
With apologies to Mousethief for nicking their slot in the X post above
You can't get to Heaven...
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
on that elevator; it only goes to the 40th floor.
(I'm a he)
Every day and in every way...
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
:
...I really do identify more closely with Frank Spencer.
The moving hand writes...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
in Sanskrit, so you'd better find a translator.
Better safe -
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
- better chance your valuables will be secure.
It's a wise child...
Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on
:
... who knows how to get treats from their dad (as I know to my cost...).
Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird, it's a plane, it's...
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
a sign! In hoc signo vinces!
...
(in this sign, conquer)
...
The more you know, the more...
Posted by Garasu (# 17152) on
:
... you despair.
One who fights and runs away...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
gets shot in the back.
A fool and his money-
Posted by Garasu (# 17152) on
:
... generally has quite a good time.
Over the hills and far away...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
-is the land where the Bong tree grows.
Eat, drink, and be merry -
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
and if at all possible, get your mates to pay for it.
Every dog has his...
Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on
:
...paper boy/girl to menace. ![[Mad]](angryfire.gif)
If in doubt...
Posted by Garasu (# 17152) on
:
... deny it.
Dark the dawn...
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
...before she got her roots done.
Cast your bread upon the waters....
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
:
...and forget about that sandwich you were gonna have for lunch.
Thou shalt not suffer a witch...
[ 20. December 2012, 22:12: Message edited by: Stetson ]
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
...curse if thou employeth Hag-B-Gone™ witch repellant!
Be angry and yet...
[ 20. December 2012, 22:22: Message edited by: mousethief ]
Posted by balaam (# 4543) on
:
...turn green and wreck the place.
A friend in need...
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
:
...can be easily gotten rid of by pretending that you're broke.
Physician, heal...
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
thy patients.
An it harm none,...
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
...the NRA aren't interested.
Don't put all your eggs...
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
:
...in your back trouser pocket.
You can fool some of the people all the time and all the people some of the time...
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
...so that's the marketing sorted.
Fire is a good servant...
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
...and great fun to play with.
Better the devil you know
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
for you'll not get much opportunity to improve the ones you don't.
The best laid plans of mice and men...
Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on
:
...are both generally interrupted by cats.
Never work with children and...
Posted by jbohn (# 8753) on
:
...are still subject to the laws of both Mr. Murphy and gravity, as well as the predilections of passing dragons.
[damned x-post!]
Never work with children and...
...you'll be sick a lot less often.
What's sauce for the goose...
[ 21. December 2012, 13:19: Message edited by: jbohn ]
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
in your family? We use orange marmalade.
Waiting for the other shoe to...
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
...turn up from wherever the damned child threw it off.
Ne'er cast a clout...
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
...at John Prescott.
It's a long lane...
Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on
:
... when you're stuck behind a tractor.
They shall not grow old as we ...
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
...because they can afford the plastic surgery.
Beware of Greeks...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
arguing, for they can shout louder and faster than you can.
Be thou as chaste as snow -
Posted by alienfromzog (# 5327) on
:
Be thou as chaste as snow -
but not as scary as on the Doctor Who Christmas Special!
'Twas the night before Christmas...
AFZ
Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on
:
There's many a slip at the grease processing facility.
Early to bed, early to rise. Makes a man healthy, wealthy and...
Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on
:
What the eff?!!! Sorry for posting a reply to something someone said a while back! Me and my damn A.D.D.
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
Twas the night before Christmas ...and as usual Frobisher was cleaning sick off of the settee after his kids got just too excited about Santa coming.
Christmas is coming; the goose is getting fat
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
:
...please buy that bird another yoga mat.
Ding dong merrily on high...
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
man sues church for waking him up on Sunday Morning - Daily Mail Exclusive (with Sadface photo)
Might as well be hung for a sheep...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
Might as well be hung for a sheep,if you're a curtain. They make good rugs and the look is cool.
Honesty is -
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
often simply an artifact of naïveté.
Red sky at night...
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
...the refinery's alight.
Red sky in the morning...
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
...it's been burning all night.
Handsome is as...
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
...as dictated by a gentleman's bank balance.
Never put off to tomorrow...
Posted by alienfromzog (# 5327) on
:
what you can put off to the day after...or after that.
Time and Tide...
AFZ
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
...will always conspire to restrict you to the pebbly part of the beach, and then be going the wrong way to fill up the moat on your sandcastle.
A rolling stone... (gift, this one...)
Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on
:
.. can travel for free on the bus.
Oh what a tangled web we weave ...
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
...when to fly a kite we first conceive.
For what we are about to receive...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
may we have a false smile of appreciation prepared.
Too many cooks-
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
...think they're chefs after reading a bit of Jamie Oliver.
How many roads...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
will they dig up before they finally finish repairing one?
Be good, sweet maid -
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Be good, sweet maid
(just begs the answer...)
and if you can't be good, be careful.
The pen is mightier.....
[ 28. December 2012, 07:27: Message edited by: Smudgie ]
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
:
...than the pencil.
What do they know of England...
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
...who fly to Spain every summer but have never been north of the M25?
A horse! A horse!
Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on
:
.. and another one, said the world's worst race commentator.
If you want to know the time ...
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
...you're probably already late.
You can have any colour you want, as long as...
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
it's on the Pantone color wheel.
You'll catch more flies with honey than...
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
...by lying there with your mouth open, especially since your breath would wilt a giant redwood.
In for a penny...
Posted by Horseman Bree (# 5290) on
:
and only farted.
I Thought This was A...
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
...brothel.
Birds of a feather...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
make great feather dusters.
Who laughs first -
Posted by Garasu (# 17152) on
:
May have been playing with the feather dusters...
Hustle your horse...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
before it craps on the drive.
Ne'er cast a clout -
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
...if you live in a glass house.
Every cloud has...
Posted by Porridge (# 15405) on
:
. . . liquid innards.
A friend in need . . .
[ 30. December 2012, 19:07: Message edited by: Porridge ]
Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on
:
... is a perishing nuisance.
If someone gives you lemons ...
Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on
:
...make a G 'n' T.
Make hay while...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
you swig beer. It's thirsty work.
No good deed-
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
gets done in the lame-duck session of Congress.
No matter how you shake and dance,
Posted by Chorister (# 473) on
:
The wasp will still sting you.
If at first you don't succeed
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
:
...try something easier.
It was twenty years ago today...
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
that I lost my memory. I think. Give or take up to a year.
When the cat's away...
Posted by Porridge (# 15405) on
:
. . . the dog is too, after it like a shot.
Penny-wise . . .
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
...is that horrible clown from the Stephen King novel. ![[Help]](graemlins/help.gif)
One for sorrow...
Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on
:
And a whole bottle for real misery.
Every cloud has...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
several gallons of rainwater with which to deluge you personally.
Smile, and-
Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on
:
..let everyone think you're a nutter.
I am HAPPY I am HAPPY I know I am I'm sure I am
Posted by Chorister (# 473) on
:
And I have an empty bottle of Prozac to prove it.
Onward Christian Soldiers, marching
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
:
...off to Hell.
What's that got to do with the price of...
[ 02. January 2013, 19:01: Message edited by: Stetson ]
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Stetson:
What's that got to do with the price of...
a vowel on Wheel of Fortune?
I wouldn't do that if I were...
[ 02. January 2013, 19:59: Message edited by: mousethief ]
Posted by Porridge (# 15405) on
:
. . . in public, but as I'm not, why the hell not?
Man must toil from sun to sun, but . . .
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
if he can get others to toil for him, he can get rich on the sweat of their backs.
In a hole in the ground, there lived...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
a psammead.
When in doubt,-
Posted by Chorister (# 473) on
:
Don't crunch your popcorn too loudly.
Better the Devil...
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
than some schmuck of a tourguide that doesn't know their way about Hell at all.
It's an ill wind that...
Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on
:
flu in freezing everyone and making them sick.
Never say...
Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on
:
..."the children slept well last night! Think we're over the sleepless nights!"
We have nothing to fear but...
Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on
:
... the collapse of the world economy and a nuclear apocalypse
Let the cat out of...
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
...the space in the cavity walls where the stupid animal went just before we replaced the bricks.
You say potato....
Posted by Chorister (# 473) on
:
I say spud.
Keep right on 'til the end of
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
the financial year and you just might make a profit.
Where there's a will-
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
there's a lawyer eager to make a profit offit.
Never ascribe to malice what can be explained by...
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
...rays from Outer Space.
April showers...
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
:
...insufficently for the olfactory sensitivites of her co-workers.
Something is rotten in...
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
your bedroom, young lady, and you are going to find it and clean it out before I drive you to Sarah's house.
A woman needs a man like...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
a snowball needs hell.
Let me to the marriage of true minds admit no-
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
:
...pre-nups.
I want a girl just like the girl...
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
that the aliens abducted at our nuptials.
It's a bitter pill...
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
:
...but I prefer my booze in liquid form.
Double, double toil and trouble...
[ 05. January 2013, 18:13: Message edited by: Stetson ]
Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on
:
but Mom said no playing until I've learned my two times tables.
Sticks and stones may break my bones...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
but not if I get in first with a machine rifle.
Earth hath nothing to show more fair-
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
than one sibling cutting the cake, and the other choosing the first piece.
The rain falls on the just and ...
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
...makes them wet.
O for a muse of fire...
Posted by Porridge (# 15405) on
:
. . . engine red, to haul my sorry butt out of these ever-lovin' oil-paintin' blues.
The night is always darkest . . .
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
in the middle of the ocean, under full cloud cover and a new moon.
C'mon, baby, papa needs a new pair of...
Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on
:
...dice, these buggers appear to be broken.
To be, or...
Posted by Chorister (# 473) on
:
2H, that is the pencil.
Two out of three aint
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
...convinced the Coalition is doing a good job.
There are more things in heaven and earth...
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
:
...since purgatory's been having a garage sale.
I saw the best minds of my generation...
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
...completely absorbed in playing World of Warcraft.
Neither a borrower nor...
Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on
:
anyone else dependent on the banking system be.
It is better to light a candle than ...
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
a stick of dynamite, if what you want is light and not an explosion.
I can't believe it's not...
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
...tea time yet.
Strong in th'arm...
Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on
:
..week in, week out.
When you walk in the storm….
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
...you'll get wet no matter how good your cag.
Better out than[...
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
...than a bishop.
How sharper than a serpent's tooth
Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on
:
...are my daughter's finger nails.
Raindrops keep falling...
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
...and falling, and falling. Bloody weather.
The square on the hypoteneuse...
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
doesn't dig jazz.
There's many a slip twixt...
Posted by Porridge (# 15405) on
:
. . . skirt and pantyhose.
Double, double . . .
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
your bid at whist, and hope to win.
Where e'er you walk -
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
...some bugger will have let their dog lay an egg.
Which came first?
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
-me or my shadow?
It is more honoured in the breach than -
[ 08. January 2013, 12:52: Message edited by: jacobsen ]
Posted by alienfromzog (# 5327) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by jacobsen:
It is more honoured in the Breach than -
...than in The Borne Identity where Chris Cooper plays a really horrible character...
Walk on, walk on...
AFZ
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
-before I shoot.
It is a far, far better thing-
Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on
:
...than something slightly worse.
Friends, Romans, countrymen...
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
who else do you want to invite to the party?
When the wind is southerly I know a hawk from a...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
bald headed eagle.
I wandered lonely as a-
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
..person who doesn't wash.
Better be a lion for an hour..
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
...for as the son of the Emperor Over the Sea you could access some great perks.
Keep right on to the -
[ 16. January 2013, 06:58: Message edited by: jacobsen ]
Posted by Chorister (# 473) on
:
A30.
Keep calm and
Posted by jbohn (# 8753) on
:
...hide the bodies.
Five feet high the door...
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
and there were no stairs, so I went somewhere else.
Does she or doesn't she? Only...
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
:
..her hairdresser cares.
Lips that touch wine...
[ 17. January 2013, 15:09: Message edited by: Stetson ]
Posted by jbohn (# 8753) on
:
...often go on to say inappropriate things at the office Christmas party.
Over the river, and through the woods...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
...and if you're lucky, you'll find, not only your own golf ball, but several belonging to others who gave up looking.
Keep right on to...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
Sorry, folks. Forgot I'd already used that one. Let's try this:
Six of one and ...
Posted by Chorister (# 473) on
:
a girl named Vi.
January brings the snow, makes your
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
...pipes burst.
Many a true word...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
...is supressed by the business lobby
Let not the sun go down on...
Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on
:
...on my tomatoes, or I'll never make a salad.
Spare the rod...
Posted by piglet (# 11803) on
:
... and disappoint the masochist.
Cleanliness is next to ...
Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on
:
Spoil the curtains
Guests, like fish, ...
Crosspost. Go with piglet's.
[ 19. January 2013, 02:09: Message edited by: Gwai ]
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
As per Piglet's
Cleanliness is next to -
- cleanse, in my dictionary.
Back to Gwai:
Guests, like fish -
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Guests, like fish,
...should never be overfed
It's an ill wind...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
...when your digestion's up the creek.
They also serve...
Posted by Porridge (# 15405) on
:
during Happy Hour, but only tidbits.
Whose woods these are
[ 19. January 2013, 23:44: Message edited by: Porridge ]
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
:
...doesn't really matter when you drank four glasses of water for lunch and you're miles away from the nearest restroom.
The Irish are impervious to...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
...most things.
Laugh, and...
Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on
:
someone will take a picture of you laughing and looking funny.
Listen my child and you will hear
Posted by Porridge (# 15405) on
:
a story you've heard twenty-eleven times before, and will no doubt hear as many times again.
Suffer the little children
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
...for thankfully bedtime is but five minutes away.
Every cloud...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
- has you as its target.
Start the day on...
Posted by Chorister (# 473) on
:
Dawn, as long as Dawn doesn't mind.
When you wish upon a star
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
..you're already several million years too late.
I hold these truths to be...
Posted by alienfromzog (# 5327) on
:
...despite all the evidence to the contrary.
Give a man a fish...
AFZ
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
- and he'll slap you in the face with it.
I hold these things to be self evident...
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
...but you don't.
The hounds of Spring...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
-er spaniels are not hounds at all.
Let all the world, in every corner-
[ 28. January 2013, 11:50: Message edited by: jacobsen ]
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
...dust.
Will your anchor hold in..
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
-side a paper bag?
Oh dear, what can the -
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
:
natter be?
Nobody puts baby in
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
the stewpot!
(Probably because sous vide, followed by a quick sear under the broiler, yields such an incomparable tenderness)
Let not the one who puts on his armor...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
- forget his woolly vest.
Never put off till tomorrow ...
[ 30. January 2013, 06:43: Message edited by: jacobsen ]
Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on
:
.....what you might get someone else to do today.
Here we go round…..
Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on
:
exactly the same discussion we had last week. Oh I do wish I were eating lunch instead of in this meeting!
Big brother is
Posted by Angel Wrestler (# 13673) on
:
... being bad again, Mommy. Are you going to punish him?
A fool and his money ...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
- can have a damn good time.
Red sky in the morning -
Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on
:
..or is it that I'm looking at the world through morning-after bloodshot eyes?
Every dog has his….
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
- bone buried where no-one else can find it.
My strength is as the strength of ten because -
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
:
...I'm talking about butterflies.
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last...
Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on
:
Quick, give him another sleeping pill!
How now, brown….
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
trousers.
It is a far better thing -
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
than this thing which is, quite frankly, a rubbish thing.
Oh to be in Paris....
Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Smudgie:
Oh to be in Paris....
...Texas, said nobody, ever.
You can't judge a book by its...
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
...synopsis, written by someone who's not actually read it.
January brings the....
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
:
...Secret Santa gifts pouring into the Oxfam shop.
If you can't say something nice about someone...
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
:
...you must be talking about my brother-in-law.
In the year 2525...
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
...this thread will still be alive.
Four and twenty virgins...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
are rarely to be found in one village.
East is East and -
Posted by Angel Wrestler (# 13673) on
:
and if you don't learn these directions, Gilligan, you're going to get us stranded some day.
It's a story of a lovely lady, who
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
turned into a dragon.
Many are called -
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by jacobsen:
turned into a dragon.
Many are called -
...but all except the first poor sod to pick up get a silent phone call.
Ding, dong, the witch...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
Ding dong, the witching hour has come - it's midnight!
Tu-wit, tu-woo, a merry note, while -
Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on
:
...I put my ear plugs in and get some sleep.
Every day in every way I'm getting….
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
:
...calls from collection agents.
The fatherhood of God and the...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
bastardy of his children's behaviour.
Five and twenty ponies -
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
:
...came down from Inverness for the National Horse Fetishist convention.
How many roads...
Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on
:
can you take that are all wrong? You said you know where you were going!
If you build it,
Posted by jbohn (# 8753) on
:
...the Inspections Department will be about soon, demanding to see a permit.
Mother, do you think...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
or is that frown trapped wind?
From ghoulies and ghosties and long legged beasties -
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
I stole this rather full basket of hallowe'en goodies - anybody want a sweetie?
If the cap fits...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
it must be larger than one size fits all.
And on the seventh day-
Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on
:
-of Christmas, my true love finally gave me something I really wanted!
Blow the wind-
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
-I'm having baked beans!
If life is a bowl of cherries -
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
is it still OK to spit out the stones?
You can't teach an old dog....
Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on
:
...ancient Greek.
Fine words butter no...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
but venison is both fine and chloresterol free.
Five and twenty ponies -
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
should make enough Tesco burgers for a barbecue
Mary, Mary, quite contrary....
Posted by Chorister (# 473) on
:
... why do you always have to spell your name 'Yram'?
Tie me kangaroo
Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on
:
-to a post and he gets hopping mad!
If all the girls lived over the sea-
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
-they'd swim home for some decent fish and chips.
It's been a hard day's-
Posted by alienfromzog (# 5327) on
:
...confusion. But then H&A days are always like that.
Given that today is the feast of St Valentine...
What do you get when you fall in love...?
AFZ
Posted by claret10 (# 16341) on
:
life long boredom and financial hardship
Distance makes the heart....
Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on
:
a little less tasty when you get home from the butcher.
laughter is the best
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
turnoff.
Give me a child until he is...
Posted by Chorister (# 473) on
:
fed up of clotted cream, and I will give him back when he turns green.
Twinkle, twinkle, little...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
tearful eyes,I just love to see you cry. ![[Devil]](graemlins/devil.gif)
Where, oh where has my bonny...
[ 15. February 2013, 17:36: Message edited by: jacobsen ]
Posted by Angel Wrestler (# 13673) on
:
laid my keys? She never puts them back where they belong!
He prayeth best who loveth best
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
the thound of a withtful lithp.
Give us this day our daily -
Posted by ChaliceGirl (# 13656) on
:
Mail, as I really like to read it over breakfast!
Don't look a gift horse
Posted by comet (# 10353) on
:
... up on eBay. the shipping is outrageous.
A bird in the hand
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
is likely to poop on your fingers
It takes one......
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
bad apple to rot a barrelful.
My strength is as the ....
Posted by Angel Wrestler (# 13673) on
:
... morning dew. (now, isn't that poetic?)
two roads diverged in a yellow...
Posted by Chorister (# 473) on
:
... box junction.
I came, I saw, I
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
...snapped it on my iPhone.
She lived amidst untrodden...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
fields of Literature.
It was more honoured in the....
Posted by alienfromzog (# 5327) on
:
...in the Oscars ceremony than a sober perspective shows it justifies...
A stitch in time...
Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on
:
.. can prevent the whole fabric of the universe unravelling.
Into each life some rain
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
- will fall at unseasonable times, leaking into the house and leaving a trail of fungus.
On a clear day....
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
it's still wise to carry an umbrella, scarf, hat, gloves and wellington boots, especially in the UK in April.
If you're happy and you know it....
Posted by alienfromzog (# 5327) on
:
Bugger off! I can't be doing with happy people... it's not natural I tell you.
Beware the ides of march...
AFZ
Posted by claret10 (# 16341) on
:
The second half of the month will be worse than the first.
Snow is like sex...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
-tuplets. Always six times as much as you either expected or wished for.
Night's candles are -
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
:
...are a fire hazard on par with smoking in bed, at least according to those politically-correct killjoys at the Department Of Safety.
You may talk o' gin an' beer...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
- but you're better off just drinking them.
To-wit, to whoo, a merry ...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
-owl has been at the bottles again.
Ne'er cast a clout.....
Posted by Chorister (# 473) on
:
...if you live in glass houses.
Softly, softly
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
-I've just got the baby to sleep.
There were ten green bottles....
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
- in the recycling bin after my birthday party.
Can any good come out...?
Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on
:
of Bad-Würtemberg ?
Friends, Romans, countrymen - lend me your
Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on
:
....corpuscles.
If two are good, three are...
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
Sesquigood.
There's many a slip twixt...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
-the knickers and the nightwear in M&S (clothes store)
There's one born every -
Posted by alienfromzog (# 5327) on
:
time someone gives birth.
Except with twins, then it's two.
Or triplets, then it's three.
Or quads, then it's four.
Or..or...oh forget it.
When in Rome
AFZ
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
-try the Strega.
It's a long road -
Posted by alienfromzog (# 5327) on
:
from Dawson's Creek to Delta Junction...
Once upon a time...
Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on
:
in the bleak mid-winter.
To lose one parent... may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both
Posted by alienfromzog (# 5327) on
:
could be good financial planning.
one, two, three, four, five, once...
AFZ
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
...you've got the hang of the manual gearbox, and you've got up to 120mph on the M1, enjoy the drive! (It'll probably be your last!)
A courtyard common to all will be...
Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on
:
quote:
A courtyard common to all will be...
...empty of doormats, pictures and other personal property, owing to Fire Safety regulations.
The road to Hell is ...
Posted by alienfromzog (# 5327) on
:
a truly great track.
To boldy go...
AFZ
Posted by Joan Rasch (# 49) on
:
.. right through the middle of a split infinitive!
When in the course of human events..
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
-a human falls in the water jump, shoot him.
To what do I owe...
Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on
:
...my highly theoretical future income? Whatever bank owns my student debt.
That's for me to know, and...
© Ship of Fools 2016
UBB.classicTM
6.5.0