Ship of Fools: I'm nearly 60...

Thread: I'm nearly 60... Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by Abigail (# 1672) on :

My 60th birthday is fast approaching and I feel very depressed about it. Part of me wants to just ignore it and treat it as just another day – which of course it is. Part of me feels it's a significant landmark and I would like to mark it in some way. And yet again, part of me feels a sense of horror and despair that I've reached this age without doing anything worthwhile with my life.

So I was just wondering… could anyone suggest how I might cope with what I expect to be a difficult and lonely day – and possibly turn it into something special. Taking into account that I haven't got any family to celebrate with (all I've got now are two cousins I only see at funerals) and haven't really got any friends. A few people at church know it's my birthday (and I think they know how old I am) My work colleagues apparently don't. I have an old school friend who definitely knows, but she doesn't really 'do' birthdays. I have a friend living at the other end of the country who I can rely on to send me a card and possibly phone – but that's it.

I won't be at work – I've booked a week's leave, with vague ideas of doing something 'nice', going out somewhere for the day. But whereas I could go out for the day by myself when I was younger, these days it all feels a bit pointless. But I don’t want to spend the day loafing around at home feeling depressed and unable to get myself into the right frame of mind for doing anything, as has happened on past birthdays.

Any suggestions gratefully received (even if it's "pull yourself together and stop feeling sorry for yourself") [Frown]

Thank you

Posted by moonlitdoor (# 11707) on :

I suggest a ship meet.

Posted by Yorick (# 12169) on :

If you'd like to spend a day touring the beautiful Jurassic Coast and countryside of Dorset, I would clear my day for you and show you round.

I wish you a very happy birthday when it comes, whatever you end up doing.

Posted by cattyish (# 7829) on :

The day before, buy some flowers which have a really good scent, get up with that in the morning. Eat your very favorite breakfast. Mushrooms and egg on toast? Leftover curry? Whatever you love. Buy some really good coffee/ tea/ juice and go out somewhere, even if just to breathe the fresh air. If you can go somewhere beautifully peaceful and maybe listen to some amazing music that would be ideal (Pluscarden Abbey is my favourite secret getaway). Get a show, film, concert or guided tour booked for the evening. Dress comfortably, in something you feel happy wearing. Get a facial or a massage. Walk in sand barefoot, so long as it's clean sand! Go to bed with a notebook and write down one good thing you did.

I hope you have an encouraging day and find one good thing to say about it. I bet you can find more than one though.

Cattyish, wishing you a very happy birthday and a very worthwhile year to come.

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Abigail:
I won't be at work – I've booked a week's leave, with vague ideas of doing something 'nice', going out somewhere for the day. But whereas I could go out for the day by myself when I was younger, these days it all feels a bit pointless.

Slightly less pointless if you go out for the day knowing you're going to meet some people and have that to look forward to. There could be some shipmates up for lunch, or for dinner/a shipmeet in the evening. It could be in London or it could be in a place you haven't been to before. The London shipmates seem like a friendly lot; moonlitdoor's idea of a ship meet sounds like a good one.

Maybe decide to try one new, different thing a day in your birthday week - something you don't normally do? They could be quite simple things, maybe as simple as buying yourself a bunch of bright flowers, going out for coffee and cake, trying a new hairstyle, etc. Or you might even take the plunge and go to a ship meet. By the end of your birthday week you'd have tried seven new things, maybe made some new friends, and seen some new places.

Anyway, just an idea to consider, no worries if it doesn't appeal - but whatever you decide, I wish you all the very best for your birthday and the coming year.

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :

quote:
Originally posted by moonlitdoor:
I suggest a ship meet.

This is a good idea. I showed up in London and had a lovely time with people with whom my only commonality is that we all joined Ship of Fools. If I wasn't 7000 km away I would come.

Aging? Consider the mind and how you feel inside, disregarding what the calender says! 60 is not old!

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

I'd support cattyish's suggestion - except that I would spread them around the next 6 months. For the day itself, I'd recommend something like taking every item of clothing you haven't worn in at least 6 months to the charity shop. Or repainting a principle room of your house. Or researching and signing up for an immersive course/workshop in cooking or watercolours or writing or learning Spanish or Windows 8.. Or anything else that would leave you feeling every so slightly exhausted but with a sense of having Done Something. Then I'd crack open a bottle of Prosecco or Cava, order up a takeaway, and watch a video of It's a Wonderful Life. Or Truly, Madly, Deeply. Or Terry Gilliam's Munchhausen. Or any other bit of zonkingly imaginative visual art.

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

I'll pm some suggestions too. But seriously - we do do London Shipmeets regularly and as moonlitdoor has volunteered he can come too - so that's two of us! Without asking anyone else.

Have you seen we're planning a meet on Hampstead Heath on 10th August?

I've taken myself to afternoon tea at the top of Tate Modern before now - incredible view and enough to eat to be a meal. Or booked a ticket to the Globe. Last summer I was so cross I couldn't go to Greenbelt because I had to be in work on the Tuesday afterwards I booked tickets to the Globe all weekend: the three Henry IV plays back to back on the Sunday and Blue Stockings on the Saturday night.

It's time for the Proms, and the cheap tickets are £5 or £6. Or this hot, a day up at the Ladies' Pond on Hampstead Heath is fun - secluded field to sit in the sun or shade, and a pond to swim in.

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Curiosity killed ...:
... I booked tickets to the Globe all weekend: the three Henry IV plays back to back on the Sunday...

[tangent] Three Henry IVs? [/tangent]

That said, I can't imagine a more wonderful place to spend a birthday than the Globe. If only it weren't over 5000 miles away (and my birthday falls the wrong time of year).

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

Sorry - inverted the V and I - three Henry VI plays.

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :

If you can afford it have a day at a spa.

...or go to a gallery or a stately home or a museum.

A Shipmeet is a great idea.

Allow yourself to be silly for the day/week.

Posted by M. (# 3291) on :

It can take a certain amount of mental energy to make yourself do something, and if you're feeling depleted and down, it can be easy not to bother, even if you know you'll enjoy it. So a shipmeet is a good idea, as you have the extra oomph provided by Not Letting People Down. Or is that just me?

And I for one feel it's time we had a London shipmeet, and Macarius & I are probably not going to make the walk (I'm thinking about timings but that is for the other thread!)

M.

Posted by Heavenly Anarchist (# 13313) on :

My idea of a treat day is a morning at a gallery or museum with a specific objective in mind (the last time it was textiles) so that I have a goal to aim for and don't just wander. Then lunch at a cafe or restaurant followed by window shopping a few boutiques or antique shops. Looking at things of beauty and learning about them cheers me up. My top choice for a few days break would be Bath.
Have a good birthday.
Annie

Posted by St Everild (# 3626) on :

The idea of a ship meet sounds like fun, and I think that there are a lot of London shippies who might be up for a lunch? Or afternoon tea? Do it on a Monday and I'd come from Bethnei if I could ( day on a train - what's not to like!)

It all depends on what you like to do, really. If you have to spend your day on your own how about booking tea at the Ritz? Treat yourself to a really good book (try not to spill tea or splurge jam on it!) and read and drink tea, eat sandwiches and scones and cake. And someone else does the washing up.

Or book a day at a spa, and have a massage/facial/manicure to treat yourself.

I don't know what your financial situation is, but can you give yourself some money to go and buy a lovely gift that says "I matter and this world would be poorer if I was not in it". (Jewellery does it for me, YMMV...). The pleasure of looking and choosing is nice. You could treat yourself to a trip to Hatton Garden or Birmingham's Jewellery Quarter and just look around...there is a good museum in the Jewellery Quarter (and In B'ham too for that matter)

If you would trust me with your address (not your RL name) I'll gladly send you a card...

However you choose to spend your birthday, I hope that it is not as awful as you fear it might be.

St E, catching you up...

Posted by St Everild (# 3626) on :

Sorry for the double post, ....I wanted to add that if you book something (tea at the Ritz, spa day, lunch with shippies.... that commitment will get you up and out of bed, dressed and looking presentable. Otherwise you could just loaf about wasting the day and feeling even worse about it.

Posted by The Intrepid Mrs S (# 17002) on :

quote:
Originally posted by St Everild:
If you would trust me with your address (not your RL name) I'll gladly send you a card...

Oh, me too!

Mrs. S waaaaay ahead of you!

Posted by leo (# 1458) on :

I generally ignore birthdays but 60 is a big one.

My 60th was two years ago on a Sunday.

I got to choose the first hymn and provided some claret to replace the after church coffee.

Had my three closes three friends round who cooked dinner for us.

Posted by Chocoholic (# 4655) on :

They all sound like fabulous plans [Smile]

card (again if you trust me with your address via pm!) also offered from me!

Reading what you wrote I wonder if you know what it is that is is making you feel depressed about it?
Is there any trusted pastoral support (clergy or lay worker at church maybe) who could you could talk to and maybe work through some of it? It might be the thought you have about it (but may not be aware of as you are more aware of what it then makes you feel) which are making you depressed, and it might be that if you talk about what they are, maybe look a them in different ways, your forthcoming birthday won't feel like such a bad thing.

There are good things about being 60 too. Think of the freedom pass for example!

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :

quote:
Originally posted by The Intrepid Mrs S:

quote:
Originally posted by St Everild:
If you would trust me with your address (not your RL name) I'll gladly send you a card...
Oh, me too!

And me. Let us know the date so we can make sure they arrive in good time.
[Big Grin]

Posted by Heavenly Anarchist (# 13313) on :

Another who would love to send a card [Smile]

Posted by comet (# 10353) on :

I'll send a card!

you've taken the week off. can you do something crazy like go on a holiday to some sunny resort, or attend a weekend retreat, or a short cruise?

the benefit of something like this is that they regiment your time to some extent, so it can keep you from wallowing in depression. plus you're forced to socialize in a way that everyone is feeling awkward so it's an even playing field.

for me, I'd hunt down a week long or weekend long yoga retreat. is there something like that you've always wanted to try? a spiritual retreat, a introduction to bungee jumping, a mountain climbing course, a guided backcountry hike, something?

I think that would be great fun, shake you out of your comfort zone, create great memories, and short-circuit the self-pity cycle.

or, similar to Firenze's wardrobe clean-out idea, how about a full day makeover? spa time, new hairstyle, make-up consult, and wardrobe consult? it will cost, but the fun of it is coming out the other side feeling all re-invented.

it really is okay to spend money on yourself. Birthday or not.

Posted by Kitten (# 1179) on :

My next birthday is not a significant one but my Son has promised me a helicopter ride round the Pembrokeshire coast as a gift. It'll be the first birthday I will have anticipated with anything but dread since I left my thirties.

Would something like that appeal?, or perhaps a balloon ride?

Posted by ElaineC (# 12244) on :

I'd be delighted to make a card for you.

Posted by Abigail (# 1672) on :

Thank you so much for your replies. You're a lovely lot of people!

I was feeling incredibly depressed when I posted but since then I've spent this afternoon helping at a church event, which didn't do anything to solve the birthday problem, but at least got me out into the sunshine and amongst other people and made me feel a little bit better. (I'd offered to help a couple of weeks ago and the organiser said she’d email me but by yesterday she hadn't and I assumed I wasn't wanted – however she sent an email just after I went to bed last night!)

My birthday is actually this coming Wednesday and as it looks as if the weather might stay nice I've decided to have a day at the seaside. I booked the train ticket tonight so now I can’t change my mind. Well, I can, but I won’t now I've paid for the tickets!

Thank you for all the suggestions.

Firenze – I've actually done two of the things you suggest recently – sorted out my clothes and took them to the charity shop and repainted my kitchen (and yes, it was exhausting!)

St Everild – tea at the Ritz is something I’d love to do but couldn't bring myself to do it on my own.

And everyone else – thank you for all the comments, suggestions and advice. I've read and considered them all.

And thank you those of you who offered to send cards. It doesn't feel right somehow to send you all my address but it’s such a kind thought and I really, really appreciate it.

I love the idea of a shipmeet, and have often wondered if it's something I could ever do but I find the thought very scary. I'm no good at talking to people, have never been able to make friends and I think most people think I'm a bit odd. The Hampstead walk sounds really good… perhaps if I'm brave enough I could try it. If I can summon up the courage I'll post on that thread…
[Axe murder]

Posted by Abigail (# 1672) on :

Sorry, just to add: thank you those who sent me PMs. I've just found them. I will reply but I'm really slow with this sort of thing.

Posted by Jengie Jon (# 273) on :

Here is what you do, you have a shipmeet to have tea at the Ritz. I bet you will have some takers.

Jengie

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

Tea at the Ritz starts at £47 per head - could we do a meal at the India Club instead?

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

Not everybody's into spicy food. Is there a pub at the end of the Hampstead walk, or a tea shop or something?

Abigail - hope you thoroughly enjoy your birthday outing! I'll think of you on Wednesday and wish you well.

Posted by comet (# 10353) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Abigail:

My birthday is actually this coming Wednesday and as it looks as if the weather might stay nice I've decided to have a day at the seaside. I booked the train ticket tonight so now I can’t change my mind. Well, I can, but I won’t now I've paid for the tickets!

attagirl!

quote:
Originally posted by Abigail:
I love the idea of a shipmeet, and have often wondered if it's something I could ever do but I find the thought very scary. I'm no good at talking to people, have never been able to make friends and I think most people think I'm a bit odd. The Hampstead walk sounds really good… perhaps if I'm brave enough I could try it. If I can summon up the courage I'll post on that thread…

I've never "met" any of our London Shipmates, but I still feel perfectly comfortable in saying that they will take you in hand, put you at ease, and show you a good time.

Yes, it's awkward. do it anyway. you'll not regret it!

besides, "a bit odd" means you'll fit right in. these are your people! [Big Grin]

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

Well, I'd happily go along to tea at Tate Modern as an option, the restaurant on the 6th floor, but I am about to hit no pay for five weeks, so I'm a bit reluctant to do anything hugely expensive.

And yes, a pub meal is on the agenda for the Hampstead walk.

Posted by basso (# 4228) on :

I'd be happy to send a card from San Francisco.

I turned 60 a month ago. I actually had two lovely meals on the day. One friend remembered and invited me for dinner. Another I called to let her know we were having breakfast that day, and the reason. I've decided to stop waiting for people to do things like remembering my birthday. I'm having more fun this way.

Posted by Tree Bee (# 4033) on :

I turned 60 a month ago too.
Having been in a blue funk when I was 40 and again when I was 50, this birthday was enjoyable.
Mainly because I've realised it's just a number, and it shows the world that I am still here!
Mr Bee has come through a life threatening illness, and my best friend died 12 years ago, so I now appreciate what I have.
It helped that I had afternoon tea at the Victoria Empress, and I did that because that's what I had dreamed of doing while accompanying my husband through his treatments.
Do what you dream of doing.
And a shipment would be good too.
We are all a bit odd btw.

Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :

quote:
Originally posted by comet:
besides, "a bit odd" means you'll fit right in. these are your people!

comet beat me to it. We're talking about shipmates here!

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

quote:
Originally posted by comet:
I've never "met" any of our London Shipmates, but I still feel perfectly comfortable in saying that they will take you in hand, put you at ease, and show you a good time.

I can confirm this -- I had a lovely time just about a year ago at a Shipmeet when I was visiting London.

Posted by Deputy Verger (# 15876) on :

Happy Birthday for Wednesday, Abigail,

Don't be put off by the idea of organising a London shipmeet. Just say when you want to do it and whether you prefer a pub or a walk or a restaurant or a tea shop or whatever blows your hair back (and which side of the river), and one of us will start the thread and make it happen. You just have to show up.

At any shipmeet there are always some people that some people are meeting for the first time - and it is often the guest of honour who doesn't know the Londoners, as No Prophet and Pigwidgeon have attested up-thread. We've had small informal meets with both of them in recent months.

It sounds like you've got The Big Day sorted now, with a trip to somewhere coastal - but do be assured we would love to meet you in real life when it suits you!

DV

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

I was recently invited to High Tea at a swank hotel for someone's 60th - just a small table of us - and it was fun to spoil ourselves a little. The surroundings provided plenty of comment from all of us and a nice photo to remember it.

You could buy a packet of seeds on your birthday, and plant out 60 of something. Whatever grows, give away when opportunity arises. Whenever you feel that you have "accomplished nothing" in your 60 years, remember that every small act of kindness makes a difference to the world.

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :

I hope you have a wonderful birthday, and send you best wishes from this little corner of the Shippiverse.

Remember, 60 is the new 40! [Smile]

Posted by Ye Olde Motherboarde (# 54) on :

I have a big decade birthday coming up and I've started a "Bucket List". I've been on a helicopter ride (over the Grand Canyon).

Now looking for a Zipline and jumping out of a plane. Also I want to go up in a balloon.

Looking forward to doing fun things is good. Age is just a number and I can say this because I am a lot older.

Posted by Augustine the Aleut (# 1472) on :

One of the useful things about shipmeets is that one can say as little or as much as one chooses.

My 60th involved no parachute jumps-- three of my exes cooked me a very nice multi-course multi-bottle lunch while the young daughter of one of them played the cello for us. Having outlived a number of relations I take the perspective that one should make more of one's birthdays, the fewer one has in front of one.

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

My 60th was so low-key it was practically non-existent, but that was fine with me since my 40th was terrible and my 50th was the birthday from hell.

However... my 65th will be in a few years, and I intend to celebrate in a big way!

Posted by St. Gwladys (# 14504) on :

Abigail, hope you have a great birthday. From experience, I'd say that Shipmeets are a good way of making new friends - we've been to 4 or 5, and have become good friends in real life with some of the shipmates we've met.

Posted by cattyish (# 7829) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
<snip>
However... my 65th will be in a few years, and I intend to celebrate in a big way!

Keep us posted!

Cattyish, loves to see pictures.

Posted by The Intrepid Mrs S (# 17002) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
My 60th was so low-key it was practically non-existent, but that was fine with me since my 40th was terrible and my 50th was the birthday from hell.

However... my 65th will be in a few years, and I intend to celebrate in a big way!

I doubt anyone could beat my 50th birthday though.

Does September 11th 2001 ring any bells?

Mrs. S, older than she would wish
[Biased]

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :

Crikey, Mrs. S. - that was unfortunate. I'm reminded of someone saying on the day of Princess Diana's funeral (which was a Saturday) - "don't you feel really sorry for anyone getting married today?"

Posted by Evangeline (# 7002) on :

Abigail, i can appreciate how you feel but for God's sake woman pull yourself together and go to a bloody ship meet.

You are blessed that you post something and ppl pop out and invite you out to tea. STOP wasting time and bloody go, many would be extremely envious of the opportunity. You will only have yourself to blame if you don't do something, even if it's not on your actual birthday, it'll be something to look forward to.

This is totally said in love but pull your finger out, time's a tickin. [Axe murder]

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

[Eek!]

(Salutes Evangeline)

(But she's right-- do it.) [Big Grin]

Posted by Gussie (# 12271) on :

Do come on the Hampstead walk, or if you can't make that, I'm sure we can organise another shipmeet shortly. It's about time for another trip to the India Club methinks.
I was 60 last year, and decided that it would be a year of celebration. In the end I didn't do a great deal, so I've extended it to a decade of celebration instead.

Posted by JoannaP (# 4493) on :

quote:
Originally posted by piglet:
Crikey, Mrs. S. - that was unfortunate. I'm reminded of someone saying on the day of Princess Diana's funeral (which was a Saturday) - "don't you feel really sorry for anyone getting married today?"

It wasn't too bad for us - at least it means we get reminded of our significant anniversaries [Biased]

- but I did hear of one couple whose wedding was interspersed with prayers for the deceased.

Posted by Abigail (# 1672) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Evangeline:
Abigail, i can appreciate how you feel but for God's sake woman pull yourself together and go to a bloody ship meet.

You are blessed that you post something and ppl pop out and invite you out to tea. STOP wasting time and bloody go, many would be extremely envious of the opportunity. You will only have yourself to blame if you don't do something, even if it's not on your actual birthday, it'll be something to look forward to.

This is totally said in love but pull your finger out, time's a tickin.

You’re absolutely right, and I will try, I promise!

I had a really rubbish day yesterday (Sundays usually are these days unfortunately [Frown]

) but I'm off out now to buy myself something to cheer myself up. And tomorrow I'm meeting my old school friend for coffee (the one I mentioned in my OP) so hopefully the week will be a bit better than I feared.

Again, thank you so much for all the replies and suggestions.

Posted by Jade Constable (# 17175) on :

Surely tea at the Ritz, like anything else frequently ruined by having to make conversation (cinema, theatre, going for a coffee), is at its best when alone?

But then I love dining alone and find it odd that it's such a taboo!

No big birthdays for me for a bit (25th was this year) but my 18th was fun - Shrove Tuesday so all the pancakes!

Posted by Abigail (# 1672) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Jade Constable:
But then I love dining alone and find it odd that it's such a taboo!

I've only ever done it once – I mean, as in a proper meal in a proper restaurant rather than a coffee and a sandwich or a snack – and I felt so awkward and embarrassed that I left without a dessert which I desperately wanted!

But then that's just me. I feel awkward and embarrassed in most situations [Frown]

Posted by Jade Constable (# 17175) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Abigail:

quote:
Originally posted by Jade Constable:
But then I love dining alone and find it odd that it's such a taboo!
I've only ever done it once – I mean, as in a proper meal in a proper restaurant rather than a coffee and a sandwich or a snack – and I felt so awkward and embarrassed that I left without a dessert which I desperately wanted!

But then that's just me. I feel awkward and embarrassed in most situations .

Hmm, I do a lot, I guess that eating out is like the cinema or theatre for me - I want to concentrate on the food, just like how I want to concentrate on a film or play. I know a good hint for eating alone is to take a notebook and pen with you - everyone will just think you're a food critic [Smile]

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

A lot depends on the restaurant. Some try to make you sit at the bar, which I always refuse. A few places have put me at a very exposed table in the middle of the room, surrounded by couples/groups sitting at tables/booths around the sides. Servers vary a lot too. More of them should realize that single women tend to be good tippers (especially if treated well), and probably won't tie up their table for as long as a couple or group would.

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Abigail:
I've only ever done it once – I mean, as in a proper meal in a proper restaurant rather than a coffee and a sandwich or a snack – and I felt so awkward and embarrassed that I left without a dessert which I desperately wanted!

I've been doing it for years, basically because that was the way the cookie crumbled once student life finished and all my friends moved out of the area and went back home/got jobs at the end of our final term. If I wanted to eat out, I had to do it alone. That became a habit and these days I'm fine with it, it's not a problem. But thinking back:

Having lunch out on your own is easier than having dinner out on your own, which is the time that couples tend to turn up in restaurants and you can feel very single. Also, you can get better deals at lunch with fixed-price menus. If you take a book with you, it passes the time between your order and the food materializing.

I've never been hassled in a restaurant in 30 years of eating out solo, or made to feel uncomfortable. I did feel very self-conscious sometimes when younger but that was my own doing.

Be picky about your table. If you don't want to sit in the middle of the room, say so, though most single women are shown to a discreet table out of the way by default. You don't have to sit facing the counter with the wait staff all looking at you, either, and you can ask for a window seat if you fancy watching the world go by. Just don't pick a table that's too out of the way or you may have a long wait for your order/the bill as the waiters sometimes overlook you.

Pubs are also a possibility on your own as well though you need to pick your pub carefully, and again it's an idea to take a book or newspaper with you. Lunchtimes are better here too, though early evenings can be good if you want something of the buzz of pub life - and it can be nice to sit out in a pub garden on a summer's evening, if you find a pub you feel comfortable in.

Posted by Heavenly Anarchist (# 13313) on :

When I was single I often ate lunch by myself in a restaurant and really enjoyed it, in my experience waiters are very attentive to lone diners. I was also one to take a book with me to cafes and restaurants, sometimes even pubs, and was left pretty much alone (except in cafes in art galleries where I sometimes had people take my photo!). I'd be more inclined to do it for lunch than dinner though.

Posted by Augustine the Aleut (# 1472) on :

Dining alone, which I used to do an awful lot before retirement ($$!) and which I still do when travelling, is something I got quite used to. While I am a book person, I found out that literary periodicals (TLS, New Yorker, LRB etc) did not require being held open for reading. You could read while eating without discomfort. I would usually ask for a seat or table with good reading light and was usually accommodated (here's to the French and Spaniards for taking this in stride, here's not to snotty Irish and Canadian waiters trying to form sentences telling me that it's not a library here).

As well, I found that the interstices of time waiting for the food, or finishing up my wine after dinner, were very useful opportunities for letter-writing. Postcarding was also great, and on several occasions served to open up conversations with staff or other travellers.

Posted by PeteC (# 10422) on :

Here is another retired person who finds it more useful to eat at lunch or brunch (prix fixe, except on special occasions where something alcoholic is called for).

Dinners out are a rare treat because of the big hit on my pocketbook.

Posted by Viola (# 20) on :

Since it's summertime, a lot of delis, and (since you're in London) Whole Foods, will make you up a posh picnic hamper full of goodies, which you can then take to eat wherever you like. I'm pretty tempted by that, with or without a special birthday.

Posted by Hedgehog (# 14125) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Abigail:

quote:
Originally posted by Jade Constable:
But then I love dining alone and find it odd that it's such a taboo!
I've only ever done it once – I mean, as in a proper meal in a proper restaurant rather than a coffee and a sandwich or a snack – and I felt so awkward and embarrassed that I left without a dessert which I desperately wanted!

I used to feel that way. I tried to explain to a friend that it wasn't as much fun to eat out alone as with a dinner companion. She set me straight: "Hedgie, that is the wrong analysis. The question isn't whether it is more fun to eat with somebody. Of course it is. The question, though, is whether it is more fun to eat out alone or eat in alone."

And the truth is that I found that the more I did it the easier it was. I do try to be considerate to the restaurant. If the place is crowded, then I will choose to eat at the bar so that I am not clogging up a table. But if the place has plenty of empty tables, then I will go to a table. After all, from the restaurant viewpoint, one person at a table is far better than no person at a table! [Smile]

It also helps to go to a favorite place multiple times. I have several restaurants around here that know me well as a regular.

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

It's the rare cafe or pub these days doesn't have wifi. So take your iPad and surf The Ship! And then, of course, there's the obligatory photograph of your scallop and kale mousseline with a raspberry jus to put on FB.

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :

If you would like to share what the day was like, Abigail, I'm interested. I understand if not.

Posted by Abigail (# 1672) on :

Happy to tell you…

The day before my birthday I met my old school friend (the one mentioned in my OP) for lunch.

Then on the actual day I had a day out – train to the Kent coast, nice day enjoying the sun, sea and scenery. Explored a bit, walked along the coastal path a bit (but couldn't manage much of it as I can't cope with heights/cliff edges and it was a bit too exposed), sat on the sand in the sun, took my sandals off and walked along the water's edge (felt a bit silly but there were lots of people doing much sillier things!), bought an ice cream in an old fashioned ice cream parlour, and generally felt quite happy if lonely.

When I got home in the evening I found I’d had birthday cards including:

One from my office colleagues (the custom is that everyone in the department always gets a birthday card signed by everyone else; but they didn't give it to me before my week off so I assumed they’d forgotten)
One from someone I used to be quite friendly with at church until she moved out of London a couple of years ago – a lovely surprise [Smile]

One from my vicar & his wife [Eek!]

Card plus small gift from my friend in the North of England [Smile]

So all in all it was a good day, much better than I'd feared and I'm really grateful to everyone who helped to make it that way.

(Unfortunately I'm feeling very wobbly again now due to church issues and other life problems - but that's another story)

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :

Glad to hear you had such a nice day, Abigail, and [Votive]

for your Other Issues™ - may they be swiftly sorted!

[Smile]

Posted by leo (# 1458) on :

Yes, I meant to send good wishes.

Belated happy birthday!

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

Yes - glad to hear that all went well and you had a good day!

Posted by St. Gwladys (# 14504) on :

Belated happy birthday Abigail - just remember you have lots of friends her on board ship, if you ever want to have a rant!

Posted by Abigail (# 1672) on :

Thank you all [Smile]

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

Sounds like a good day - hope you resolve the other issues.

Posted by Tree Bee (# 4033) on :

So glad you had a good birthday and received some unexpected cards. A belated happy birthday from me, and a welcome to the 60 club!

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :

Thank you, I enjoyed sharing the day as I read your post. :-)

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :

What a lovely day, thank you for sharing. [Votive]

for the other issues.

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :

Glad you had a such a lovely day: my 60th on 2 January was with about ten friends from a community choir that my wife and I sing in along with her parents. It was at a local pub walking distance from our house and there was even a girl with an electric guitar playing old rock and roll plus some originals. Fancy that on a Thurday evening, but then the girl always plays Thursday night there.

That said, I would rather have had a lovely walk by the sea in Kent...

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