Ship of Fools: Fox News Advice for Travellers

Thread: Fox News Advice for Travellers Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by Eirenist (# 13343) on :

Steve Emerson, a 'terrorism expert' has said in a broadcast on Fox News that 'a city like Birmingham (UK) is totally Muslim - non Muslims don't go there'. I am put in mind of the famous 'New Statesman' competition entry: 'Public toilet facilities are rare in British cities, but secluded streets where hard-pressed visitors can relieve themselves are prominently marked by the letter P'. Can Shipmates suggest any equally accurate and helpful advice for viewers of that network thinking of visiting the UK (or elsewhere)?

Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on :

I have heard one person tell a tourist that the entire south side of my (large!) city is a place where it's just not safe to go. I wondered how people manage to attend the top tier university on the south side or whether President Obama knew that his residence was such a dangerous place.

Posted by Hedgehog (# 14125) on :

I am confident that "tourism expert" Emerson would also advise tourist to avoid visiting cities in the UK during a match day. On those days soccer hooligans can be expected to burn down half the city. It is, however, a testament to the resolve of these descendants of Winston Churchill that they manage to rebuild the city prior to the next match day.

Fox News: We Make Up The News and Let You Decide What To Run With.

Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on :

In fact, it's probably very dangerous to go near Ohio State's campus too when a game is on. Definitely don't attend the game to avoid being burnt to death.

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

Two of my favourite pieces of advice are sadly superseded now:
'Have you tried the famous echo in the British Museum Reading Room?' and
'All brothels are marked by a blue lamp'.

Some still apply though:

'On entering a London Underground train, it is customary to shake hands with all the other people in the carriage'.

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :

Anyone living outside of the major cities in the UK can be classified as "yokel" and will probably be extremely dim-witted due to excessive in-breeding.

Posted by Spike (# 36) on :

It is illegal to tip London Taxi drivers.

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

Anyone visiting Oxford shouldn't miss the sunken cathedral in St Giles. Just outside the Randolph Hotel, the spire is now sadly all that remains above ground of this once glorious piece of medieval architecture. It is still possible, on payment of a fee to the appropriate person, to enter and view it via the subterranean entrances a little further along St Giles, which also have public toilets attached.

Posted by St. Gwladys (# 14504) on :

All Welsh men are miners and sing in male voice choirs. On meeting a Welsh person, you should say Yacky Dar, offer them a leek and ask if they know Tom Jones.

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :

As Kevin Costner proved, it IS possible to get from Dover to Nottingham (via Hadrian's Wall) in a day on foot.

Posted by North East Quine (# 13049) on :

All Scots people know each other. So if you have an aunt in Edinburgh, and meet someone from Wick, you should ask them if they know her - they probably will.

Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on :

"Scotland - that's in England, right?"

Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :

It is well known that residents of Virginia are not Americans. Sarah Palin said so. Would she lie to us? (Do not look over there, at George Washington, James Madison, and Thomas Jefferson.)

Posted by Spike (# 36) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
Anyone visiting Oxford shouldn't miss the sunken cathedral in St Giles. Just outside the Randolph Hotel, the spire is now sadly all that remains above ground of this once glorious piece of medieval architecture. It is still possible, on payment of a fee to the appropriate person, to enter and view it via the subterranean entrances a little further along St Giles, which also have public toilets attached.

Also, while in Oxford, you'll be interested to know that the activity of riding punts on the river is known as "cottaging". If you'd like to take part, simply find a policeman or university professor and ask them to take you to the nearest location where you can can indulge in some cottaging.

[ 14. January 2015, 18:30: Message edited by: Spike ]

Posted by Hedgehog (# 14125) on :

And while you are looking for that policeman, remember that they are all called Bobby. To be a policeman you need to be named Robert.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

Everyone in the South West of England is related to Uncle Tom Cobley. We all wear smocks and go around with ears of corn in our mouths. It is difficult to speak with said full mouths, so in answer to any question, we are likely to answer 'Oo arr oo arr ay'. The same effect can be observed if you ever try to engage a Westcountryman in conversation while he is eating his daily pasty.

Posted by Enoch (# 14322) on :

You need not worry about theft, because all thieves by law are required when going about their business to wear a face mask and a striped tee-shirt and to carry a bag over their shoulder, informatively marked SWAG.

When arrested, they are required to say 'It's a fair cop, gov'. Indeed, the statements they make to the police start with those words pre-printed at the top, immediately below the space for their name and nick-name to be inserted.

Cleaners are required always to introduce themselves with the customary phrase 'shall I do you now, Sir/Madam?'

Posted by Enoch (# 14322) on :

On being introduced to a Welsh, Scottish or Irish person, they will appreciate it if you attempt to speak to them in your attempt at their own accent.

Modern Britain being both a dynamic multi-cultural society and very proud of its being so, these days, you should afford the same courtesy to persons of Indian or Afro-Carribean descent.

[ 14. January 2015, 20:33: Message edited by: Enoch ]

Posted by Athrawes (# 9594) on :

All Australians speak and act like Crocodile Dundee - strewth! We all own kangaroos, all the wildlife is trying to kill you, except the koala, which is really sweet and cuddly. Mif you see one in a gum tree, climb it and give the cute little thing a pat. It will love it. (Medical disclaimer - while not all our wildlife is trying to kill you, the koala is a wild animal. Touch one in the wild and it will disembowel you, then rip your face off. Those claws are there for a reason!)

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

All Scottish males are particularly delighted to be addressed as You Jimmy, and all Scottish females as Senga Hen.

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :

In central Edinburgh, above Princes Street Gardens, you will see the ship, the RRS Discovery, used by Robert Scott on his ill-fated expedition to the south pole.

Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Firenze:
Two of my favourite pieces of advice are sadly superseded now:
'Have you tried the famous echo in the British Museum Reading Room?' and
'All brothels are marked by a blue lamp'.

Some still apply though:

'On entering a London Underground train, it is customary to shake hands with all the other people in the carriage'.

Those and more by the immortal Gerard Hoffnung

Posted by Leaf (# 14169) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Gwai:
I have heard one person tell a tourist that the entire south side of my (large!) city is a place where it's just not safe to go.

Was it Jim Croce?

Posted by Spike (# 36) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chorister:
Everyone in the South West of England is related to Uncle Tom Cobley. We all wear smocks and go around with ears of corn in our mouths. It is difficult to speak with said full mouths, so in answer to any question, we are likely to answer 'Oo arr oo arr ay'. The same effect can be observed if you ever try to engage a Westcountryman in conversation while he is eating his daily pasty.

All the inhabitants of the West Country are related to each other.

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :

Upon entering a pub, the traditional greeting to the assembled patrons is "Hello everyone, it's my round," You will soon find yourself surrounded by friendly locals eager to make your acquaintance.

Posted by Bob Two-Owls (# 9680) on :

All football derbys are played at the football ground alongside the famous racecourse in Derby. It is traditional to wear a brown bowler hat when you visit.

I have also heard an American tour guide in Bakewell telling her charges that before the Romans Derbyshire was in Wales.

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

In New York City, the best bargains are to be had from street vendors, especially those offering well-known brand-name watches and other jewelry.

Posted by Carex (# 9643) on :

Tip for Americans: when visiting other countries where English is spoken with quaint accents, you may have to speak louder for them to understand you.

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

A good foreign phrase book is always useful.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Athrawes:
We all own kangaroos

Not just own. Ride.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
It is well known that residents of Virginia are not Americans. Sarah Palin said so. Would she lie to us? (Do not look over there, at George Washington, James Madison, and Thomas Jefferson.)

I once saw a National Geographic article that said that New Mexico has a lot of issues with this stuff. The stories ranged from being put through to the international section when trying to book a flight to Albuquerque, through to a church in the north-east somewhere proudly displaying the flags of all the countries to which it had sent missionaries.

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Athrawes:
All Australians speak and act like Crocodile Dundee - strewth! We all own kangaroos, all the wildlife is trying to kill you, except the koala, which is really sweet and cuddly. Mif you see one in a gum tree, climb it and give the cute little thing a pat. It will love it. (Medical disclaimer - while not all our wildlife is trying to kill you, the koala is a wild animal. Touch one in the wild and it will disembowel you, then rip your face off. Those claws are there for a reason!)

As the former Minister for tourism has stated koalas are

quote:
flea-ridden, piddling, stinking, scratching, rotten little things.

While I'm at it, while visiting New Zealand it is worth mentioning how proud kiwis must be of their Prime Minister Tony Abbott.

Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on :

When visiting the Isle of Portland, it is customary to use this word as often as possible: rabbits

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

In Glasgow, wearing a blue, white and red jersey accessorised with a green and white scarf will draw appreciative comment from the locals.

Posted by Latchkey Kid (# 12444) on :

Australia hosts the Vienna Boy's Choir.

Posted by North East Quine (# 13049) on :

When in the Scottish Highlands tell the locals how much you envy their simple peasant lifestyle, and say it slowly in case their grasp of English is poor.

Also, the joke about Gaelic not being a "real" language because it has to borrow words like spaghetti and helicopter from English always raises a merry laugh.

[ 15. January 2015, 08:30: Message edited by: North East Quine ]

Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on :

There is no snow in Australia. It never gets cold. Don't bring warm clothes in winter. Swim all year round.
If your host, me, tells you otherwise, tell her that you know best, because someone told you in an American bar or an English pub.
Ask your host, me, why a greatcoat hangs in the entrance hallway. Laugh hysterically at the answer.
Go swim instead. In July. In Victoria.

[ 15. January 2015, 08:29: Message edited by: Rowen ]

Posted by Lord Jestocost (# 12909) on :

Wales is a small county in the west of England.

Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Bob Two-Owls:

I have also heard an American tour guide in Bakewell telling her charges that before the Romans Derbyshire was in Wales.

She probably had heard and misunderstood that the language of the Peak would have been British, which evolved into Welsh (and its relatives Cumbric, Cornish and Breton) in due course. There are of course several almost certainly British place names, especially of landscape features - Critch (from Crug, Hill), Derwent (Deruentio, British for Oak Valley), Dove (cf. ModW Dwfr, Water)

Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on :

quote:
Originally posted by North East Quine:
When in the Scottish Highlands tell the locals how much you envy their simple peasant lifestyle, and say it slowly in case their grasp of English is poor.

Also, the joke about Gaelic not being a "real" language because it has to borrow words like spaghetti and helicopter from English always raises a merry laugh.

Ah yes. Welsh gets that as well. Along with jokes about phlegm and having no vowels. It actually has more than English.

Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on :

quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:

quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
It is well known that residents of Virginia are not Americans. Sarah Palin said so. Would she lie to us? (Do not look over there, at George Washington, James Madison, and Thomas Jefferson.)
I once saw a National Geographic article that said that New Mexico has a lot of issues with this stuff.

This is a true story (several other Shipmates can verify it). When, several years ago, we went to a Shipmeet in Santa Fe and then Colorado we wisely decided to see lots of the country by hiring a car in Washington DC and driving. We had car trouble (bald tires, shot suspension) and called the hire company from our Santa Fe hotel to be told the warranty was void for taking the car outside the US, presumably the girl on the phone didn't recognise the difference between Mexico and New Mexico.

Posted by Drifting Star (# 12799) on :

Genuine ones from the boyfriend of an American friend while they were staying with us. It was his first visit to the UK, and he had worked these out for himself.

1. You cannot cycle in Britain because the roads are all too narrow, and it rains all the time.

2. We believe we are still living under the feudal system, this being apparent from the many terraced houses.

3. Watching Eastenders will familiarise you with all the issues facing the whole of the UK.

4. Inhabitants of the UK will be delighted to provide food, accommodation, transport and entertainment to people who, in return, offer such enlightened theories, and will not be at all offended by them. (Unlike the others, he did not directly state this one. I extrapolated it from his behaviour.)

Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on :

Everyone knows that it always rains here in Manchester. There are two things you should bear in mind about this:

1) Free umbrellas and raincoats are handed out at all train stations and at the airport.

2) All that rain makes the people soggy, damp, wet if you will. Some unscrupulous soggy Mancunians may try and shake your hand or even hug you. Don't let them! They are using their innate dampness to make you wet and prolonged exposure to such actions may result in your drowning. Last year alone, 10 people had to be taken to Manchester Royal Infirmary because of soggy attacks such as these. Be alert: carry your umbrella, resist all attempts at supposed "friendliness" from people who clearly aren't dressed for the weather.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Rowen:
There is no snow in Australia. It never gets cold.

Except in Canberra. It is always cold in Canberra. Even in the middle of summer, a nationally televised sporting event from Canberra will involve the commentators making remarks about the temperature.

(This last sentence is completely true. [Mad]

)

Posted by Lord Jestocost (# 12909) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Drifting Star:
Inhabitants of the UK will be delighted to provide food, accommodation, transport and entertainment to people who, in return, offer such enlightened theories, and will not be at all offended by them. (Unlike the others, he did not directly state this one. I extrapolated it from his behaviour.)

Kind of like paying a travelling player, really. You don't get that entertainment for free!

Posted by Felafool (# 270) on :

Some advice that seems to be implemented widely in UK:

It is mandatory to leave your chewing gum on the pavement.

Speed limits only apply if there is a speed camera.

In Cinemas, it is polite to engage in conversations during the film.

For a good night out, one must drink too much alcohol, vomit on the pavement, then go on a tour of the nearest A&E department.

Posted by Trudy Scrumptious (# 5647) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
Ah yes. Welsh gets that as well. Along with jokes about phlegm and having no vowels. It actually has more than English.

Having more vowels doesn't necessarily mean they're getting used as much, though, does it?

Anyway, from my own recent trip to England I am happy to assure other travellers that a troupe of travelling London players will entertain you nightly on late Tube rides back to where you're staying, with variations on a show entitled, "I Have Opinions and I Want to Yell Them," and its companion piece, "You're Drunk, Sit Down, Shut Up!"

Posted by Drifting Star (# 12799) on :

Could you define 'widely', Felafool? I've lived in at least 10 counties in the UK, in towns, cities, villages and the countryside, and the only one that seems at all familiar to me is the speed limits one.

Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Trudy Scrumptious:

quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
Ah yes. Welsh gets that as well. Along with jokes about phlegm and having no vowels. It actually has more than English.
Having more vowels doesn't necessarily mean they're getting used as much, though, does it?

They do though. Welsh syllables are much like English ones; a consonant or cluster, a vowel, and sometimes an extra consonant.

Example: cwm (valley) - consonant (c), vowel (w) (equivalent of English 'oo'), consonant (m).

Then there's wyau - eggs. All vowels.

Which is where people get confused. W and Y are vowels in Welsh. Y's usually a vowel in English, to be honest.

[ 15. January 2015, 11:09: Message edited by: Karl: Liberal Backslider ]

Posted by Trudy Scrumptious (# 5647) on :

That's true; I have had that explained to me before, but I still have the natural reaction of most English speakers when I see a Welsh sign and what looks like a massive pile-up of consonants.

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :

Chap I worked with years ago in Kent told me about showing his US inlaws around Canterbury Cathedral- all OK except that they were a bit sceptical about the Black Prince's tomb- 'Tell us honestly now, did you really ever have a prince who was black?'

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

Love Christmas? Travel to Australia in their winter to enjoy Christmas festivities twice a year!

Posted by Tubbs (# 440) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Drifting Star:
Could you define 'widely', Felafool? I've lived in at least 10 counties in the UK, in towns, cities, villages and the countryside, and the only one that seems at all familiar to me is the speed limits one.

I recognised them all. [Hot and Hormonal]

But he missed:

Car indicator lights are an optional accessory that you only use when you feel like it, rather than a legal requirement.
It's okay to text and look at your mobile phone during meetings, meals out and whilst driving etc. Social media doesn't update itself!

Tubbs

Posted by Tubbs (# 440) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Albertus:
Chap I worked with years ago in Kent told me about showing his US inlaws around Canterbury Cathedral- all OK except that they were a bit sceptical about the Black Prince's tomb- 'Tell us honestly now, did you really ever have a prince who was black?'

Did he tell them about the Black Country?

Someone asked this on twitter using the FoxNewsFacts tag and FoxNews assured it's twitter followers that it has never referred to Africa in that way and asked the tweeter to remove the tweet or they'd sue! [Snigger]

Tubbs

[ 15. January 2015, 11:49: Message edited by: Tubbs ]

Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Tubbs:
Car indicator lights are an optional accessory that you only use when you feel like it, rather than a legal requirement.

And, of course, can be used at any time, regardless of any intention to actually turn.

Posted by Erik (# 11406) on :

I remember a few years ago reading the Lonely Planet entry for my home town. Under the hotels section they advised travellers not to stay in town too long or they would get depressed.

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

Temporary traffic lights (eg at road works) are advisory only.

Drivers are at fault if they hit a cyclist: (after all, you shouldn't be on the pavement [Biased]

)

eta: If you are parked illegally then you will not be penalised if your hazard lights are on.

[ 15. January 2015, 12:00: Message edited by: Sioni Sais ]

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Tubbs:
[*]Car indicator lights are an optional accessory that you only use when you feel like it, rather than a legal requirement.

Yep. Those fancy flashing orange lights are basically a manufacturer's perk aimed at people who aren't serious drivers, or who just like fancy flashing orange lights.

Also, no statue is ever really complete without at least one traffic cone to make it an amusing hat.

Nightclubs are convivial places. Many people come away singing, and a medley of popular songs sung with gusto is a tradition as you make your way home. You may find that people join in, or shout encouragement.

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :

In addition, if your hazard lights are on your vehicle ceases to block the road; if other vehicles are unwilling to find a way between you and oncoming traffic that is their responsibility.

Posted by Felafool (# 270) on :

Drifting Star

quote:
Could you define 'widely', Felafool?

For the chewing gum and vomit, I have personal experience (no, not that sort ;)of Town and city centres I live near:
Manchester, Liverpool, Bolton, Wigan, Bury, Oldham, Halifax, Huddersfield, Leeds, Sheffield.

And then you just need to consider where orgs like StreetAngels, Street Pastors, Christian Nightlife Intiative operate.

For cinemas, every one I have been to from Scotland to Cornwall

Posted by Enoch (# 14322) on :

Whatever country you visit, it is the desperate wish of all the benighted foreigners who have the misfortune to live there to become just like you. So they really just love it when you tell them and everyone else within earshot in a loud voice how much better things are done where you come from.

Posted by Tubbs (# 440) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Enoch:
Whatever country you visit, it is the desperate wish of all the benighted foreigners who have the misfortune to live there to become just like you. So they really just love it when you tell them and everyone else within earshot in a loud voice how much better things are done where you come from.

Varients:

The dress codes that some tourist attractions, particularly religious buildings, specify for entry are optional. If told that you cannot enter a building because you're inappropriately dressed, your basic human rights are being violated. Defend them as loudly as you can! [Seen this happen. Not pretty. Italian priests can face down even the most determined, over entitled tourist!]

As a foreign citizen, you are not subject to local laws. So just ignore them.

Tubbs

[ 15. January 2015, 14:42: Message edited by: Tubbs ]

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :

[tangent] There are people around who do think the Black Prince was just that, or at least mixed race, using a description of his mother, Philippa of Hainault (in the Low Countries, not the east of the London Underground) as justification. No explanation of her presence there has been offered when I have heard this hypothesis.

Here's the description:
Philippa was the daughter of William of Hainault, a lord in part of what is now Belgium. When she was nine the King of England, Edward II, decided that he would marry his son, the future Edward III, to her, and sent one of his bishops, a Bishop Stapeldon, to look at her. He described her thus: “The lady whom we saw has not uncomely hair, betwixt blue-black and brown. Her head is cleaned shaped; her forehead high and broad, and standing somewhat forward. Her face narrows between the eyes, and the lower part of her face is still more narrow and slender than the forehead. Her eyes are blackish brown and deep. Her nose is fairly smooth and even, save that is somewhat broad at the tip and flattened, yet it is no snub nose. Her nostrils are also broad, her mouth fairly wide. Her lips somewhat full and especially the lower lip…all her limbs are well set and unmaimed, and nought is amiss so far as a man may see. Moreover, she is brown of skin all over, and much like her father, and in all things she is pleasant enough, as it seems to us.”

And the source I have just used for it. Queen Philippa [/tangent]

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

No matter what country you visit, the locals love it when you ask for "real money" as opposed to the "Monopoly game money" they try to foist on you. Americans know that money is to be basically green -- any pastel-color stuff can't be real, so the natives are obviously trying to pull a fast one on you.

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

In New York City, it is considered rude to offer one's seat on the bus or subway to an elderly or physically challenged person.

Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :

If you visit Canada and decide to hire a car, you need to know that quite a lot, though not all, people drive more or less, somewhat towards the right hand side of the road. You must try to accommodate all preferences. On highways the rules are complicated, and on multi lane roads you must get into the left lane before making a right turn, and similarly, move to the right before attempting a left turn. If you don't feel like making a turn, get into the middle lane, take it easy and enjoy the magnificent scenery. Roundabouts are a new development in Ontario, and the approved technique is to approach at normal speed and then put your foot to the floor while shutting your eyes. This works as well as any other method. The pedestrian crossings at the exits of all roundabouts are a kind of sporting diversion so you can enjoy a game of chicken.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Tubbs:

quote:
Originally posted by Enoch:
Whatever country you visit, it is the desperate wish of all the benighted foreigners who have the misfortune to live there to become just like you. So they really just love it when you tell them and everyone else within earshot in a loud voice how much better things are done where you come from.
Varients:

The dress codes that some tourist attractions, particularly religious buildings, specify for entry are optional. If told that you cannot enter a building because you're inappropriately dressed, your basic human rights are being violated. Defend them as loudly as you can! [Seen this happen. Not pretty. Italian priests can face down even the most determined, over entitled tourist!]

As a foreign citizen, you are not subject to local laws. So just ignore them.

Tubbs

No matter where you are or where you're from, the locals will have on hand the exact same food that you'd eat at home.

Sometimes, just for a bit of fun, they'll hide it from you, but if you mention it enough times they'll take the hint and bring it out.

[ 15. January 2015, 20:15: Message edited by: orfeo ]

Posted by Hedgehog (# 14125) on :

Fox Tourism Expert Steve Emerson ("Providing Hobgoblins for Little Minds") went on to explain: "The natives of the British Isles are addicted to drinking tea. They are, however, somewhat sloppy and splash it on their clothes. This leads them to refer to having a spot of tea. Sometimes the clothes will have two spots and the native will mention having 'a couple' (which, in their charming accented English, will sound like 'cuppa'). The drinking of tea provokes strong maternal instincts, so, if you are sharing a pot with somebody, do not be surprised if they ask to be your mother. Of course, at tea time, British Muslims will bow in the direction of Birmingham."

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

And remember, when pouring tea in Britain, the lemon goes in before the milk. Blowing on your tea to cool it is regarded as uncouth: tip it into the saucer and fan it with your hat.

Posted by Jay-Emm (# 11411) on :

The "West Country" is a vulgar portmanteau of the "West Midlands" and the "Black Country", either of these terms is to be preferred.

[um [Hot and Hormonal]

]

Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on :

The only food Australians ever eat is vegemite, spread very thickly indeed on toast. How thick? Oh, several centimetres at least.

Posted by Enoch (# 14322) on :

Don't be fobbed off with 'they're foreigners; so they can't help it' or 'it's their country'. They can help it and are only being like that to annoy. Be firm and make sure they don't get away with it. They'll respect you for it.

Posted by Enoch (# 14322) on :

In British supermarkets, the checkout staff expect you to haggle. The people in the queue behind you won't mind how long you take because it's part of the exciting market experience to watch you.

Posted by Anselmina (# 3032) on :

In Northern Ireland, it is easy to identify political affiliations amongst car-drivers. Loyalists will have white plastic squares with a red 'L', in the corner of their windscreens; whilst Republicans will favour those featuring the 'R'.

Therefore, be sure to greet all 'L' drivers with the encouraging phrase 'kick the pope!' But remember to respect the beliefs of all 'R' drivers with a stirring rendition of 'The Soldier's Song'. You really can't go wrong.

Similarly, there is nothing the Northern Irish love more on a Saturday night down the pub, than to talk politics and religion. The heady mix of alcohol and buoyant spirits will always mean your opening gambit of 'so, what about that Bloody Sunday inquiry then, eh?' will always receive a lively and attentive response. Or if pubs are not your thing, feel free to honour the Ulster love of jolly banter by asking your neighbour at any bus-stop, shopping queue or public place: 'so, which foot do YOU kick with then?'

Belfast is also well known for its skillful and experienced NHS Accident & Emergency departments....

Posted by Lothlorien (# 4927) on :

Australia and Austria are really just the one country but split on two entirely different continents. Neither minds being taken for the other. There are two separate anthems,

Posted by SvitlanaV2 (# 16967) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Tubbs:

quote:
Originally posted by Albertus:
Chap I worked with years ago in Kent told me about showing his US inlaws around Canterbury Cathedral- all OK except that they were a bit sceptical about the Black Prince's tomb- 'Tell us honestly now, did you really ever have a prince who was black?'
Did he tell them about the Black Country?

Someone asked this on twitter using the FoxNewsFacts tag and FoxNews assured it's twitter followers that it has never referred to Africa in that way and asked the tweeter to remove the tweet or they'd sue!

Tubbs

I've often wondered what some foreigners (namely Americans) imagine when they hear of 'the Black Country'. You've given me one little hint of the possibilities there....

Going back to the OP, one thing I'd like to counter is the idea promoted by some that in Birmingham UK there are 'no-go areas' for non-Muslims (otherwise described as 'white people').

It's true that certain inner city districts and suburbs of Birmingham have a relatively high population of Muslims. But these areas all have churches that local Christians (and others) can attend if they want to! Even inner city Birmingham still houses some white (and other) non-Muslims, and of course, some of the residents are now white, non-Muslim East Europeans.

I think it's more the case that some (working class) white British people feel uncomfortable living on or visiting a street where people from their cultural background are in the minority. But that doesn't mean that Muslims have somehow banned them from being there!

Anyway, in the spirit of this thread, let me warn all of you not to visit Birmingham without your survivalist gear; you never know when hostilities will break out.

Posted by crunt (# 1321) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Erik:
I remember a few years ago reading the Lonely Planet entry for my home town. Under the hotels section they advised travellers not to stay in town too long or they would get depressed.

Lonely Planet describes the place I live in as "a dreary little town".
I'd like to advise travelers that they might like to bring a book or something when they visit.

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :

Orkney and Shetland are situated in little boxes a bit to the east of Aberdeen.

Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on :

Julie Andrews was in a charming movie, set in Australia. You may have heard of it. "Sound of Music" told the much-loved story of how nuns adopt semi-orphan kangaroos and teach them how to sing, ride bikes, and wear clothes made out of window curtains.

Upon reflection, none of the roos were Muslim.

[ 16. January 2015, 02:33: Message edited by: Rowen ]

Posted by crunt (# 1321) on :

When traveling to New Zealand, make sure to ask everyone where the Hobbits live. Sooner or later someone will put you right.

Posted by Spike (# 36) on :

It's fun to tell tourists that London is actually not that far from Paris and that the Crystal Palace transmitter is the Eiffel Tower

Posted by Athrawes (# 9594) on :

Of course you can take that sand goanna home with you! All you have to do is catch it.

Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on :

Yes, you are right. Technically, Australia IS an island. So yes, staying in Melbourne, as you are, it IS possible to have lunch at Ayres Rock, and be back here by dinner. As we all know, islands are small.
As yes, I do live in Australia, near Melbourne. Of course I know your cousin in Perth. Islands only gave small populations, don't they! We all see each other regularly, for afternoon tea in Darwin. All the folk in Oz, we bring food to share....

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :

Somewhere, I have a British travel guide to American customs and such. I somehow missed that it was meant to be satire. So when I read, "Americans are very religious--the trouble is they believe it", I was not especially amused.

[Smile]

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Rowen:
All the folk in Oz, we bring food to share....

And you get it by skipping and singing down the Yellow Brick Road; going to the dark forest; and annoying the apple trees until they throw apples at you.

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Rowen:
Yes, you are right. Technically, Australia IS an island. So yes, staying in Melbourne, as you are, it IS possible to have lunch at Ayres Rock, and be back here by dinner. As we all know, islands are small....

Wasn't there a story about some US General in 1942 who asked his Australian counterpart 'What would you do if the Japanese landed here [pointing at Broome or some such place on the map] and advanced on Alice Springs?' To which the Australian, looking at 1000-odd miles of rough waterless terrain, is supposed to have replied 'Leave them to it and then send in the salvage corps to pick up the bones'.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Spike:
It's fun to tell tourists that London is actually not that far from Paris and that the Crystal Palace transmitter is the Eiffel Tower

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Albertus:

quote:
Originally posted by Rowen:
Yes, you are right. Technically, Australia IS an island. So yes, staying in Melbourne, as you are, it IS possible to have lunch at Ayres Rock, and be back here by dinner. As we all know, islands are small....
Wasn't there a story about some US General in 1942 who asked his Australian counterpart 'What would you do if the Japanese landed here [pointing at Broome or some such place on the map] and advanced on Alice Springs?' To which the Australian, looking at 1000-odd miles of rough waterless terrain, is supposed to have replied 'Leave them to it and then send in the salvage corps to pick up the bones'.

Love that one as well!

I do remember a real-life story amongst my friends, of an Englishman who came here (Canberra) and asked how long it would take him to drive to Perth. When he was told it could possibly be done in 3 days if you were in a big hurry, he just about fell over.

(Google Maps says 40 hours.)

The reverse problem happened to me when I went overseas the first time, to the UK. I bought a rail pass and when I was still at home planning my trip, I was thinking that a country was, well, country-sized.

And so when working out how long to stay in various spots, I was tending to think that on a travelling day I wouldn't see that much because I wouldn't get to my destination until later in the day.

I'm not certain which leg of the trip it was, but fairly early on when looking at timetables I discovered that I was actually going to arrive in time for morning tea.

[ 16. January 2015, 12:59: Message edited by: orfeo ]

Posted by Eirenist (# 13343) on :

Just to keep the pot boiling, how about this:

To ensure an enthusiastic welcome in pubs in Essex-shire, make a point of telling the locals what a good idea the European Union (thats kinda like the USA, but in Europe) is, and how glad you are that Britain is a member.

(Not very likely for Fox News, I admit.)

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :

Known as "The Land of Song" in the part of England called Wales the locals like nothing better than joining in if you start singing Rule Britannia in a railway carriage or bus.

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :

The first letter of Edinburgh is silent, so you say it 'Dinberg'.

In Cambridge, be sure to see the Cathedral.

Sloane Rangers is an affectionate nickname for fans of Chelsea Football Club.

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :

When a friend's mother in Northern Ireland, who was in the early stages of Alzheimer's at the time, heard that we were moving to Newfoundland, she said we must be sure to look up her twin brother, who lived in Vancouver.

It took quite a bit of explaining that in terms of mileage, we'd actually be closer to her than we would to him.

[tangent]
The corollary of that was that when we lived in Ireland, people would say, "I met such-and-such who's from Orkney; do you know him/her?" and sometimes the answer was yes*, which just perpetrated the myth that there were only about 20 people living there ... [Roll Eyes]

* A colleague in the Art College took a request for a prospectus and said, "Piglet, you should have taken that - she was from Orkney" and told me the name and address. She asked if I knew the caller, and I said, "no, but I was at her parents' wedding, and her mother used to go out with my brother". Small world, eh?
[/tangent]

Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on :

quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
Known as "The Land of Song" in the part of England called Wales the locals like nothing better than joining in if you start singing Rule Britannia in a railway carriage or bus.

Likewise, when in Scotland remember to sing the National Anthem at every opportunity, not forgetting the verse:

quote:
Lord, grant that Marshal Wade,
May by thy mighty aid,
Victory bring.
May he sedition hush,
and like a torrent rush,
Rebellious Scots to crush,
God save The Queen.

Posted by cliffdweller (# 13338) on :

When you come to L.A., you will find your favorite celebrity at every restaurant or shop you go to. If you happen to miss him/her, no worries-- just ask a native. We all know each other since we all work in the industry, so we'll be happy to direct you to your favorite celebrity's hang out. When you find them dining out with family, they'll be delighted if you come by the table to ask for an autograph and selfie. After all, you'll be joining them soon, since everyone who comes to L.A. is offered a starring role within a few weeks of arriving.

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :

If you are visiting St. Louis, be sure to save an evening for a quick jaunt over to Los Angeles by car. You'll have plenty of time to look around.

But do add a couple of hours extra to see the Grand Canyon. (True life story--we had the devil of a time arguing the visitors out of this plan)

Posted by Leaf (# 14169) on :

Canada is a very cold country full of communists. Therefore:

(1) when heading to Canada, always bring your ski equipment, as skiing is plentiful everywhere and at all times.
(2) should you happen to injure or offend a Canadian, never apologize; they'll think you're trying to be elitist. Instead a quick muttered insult, such as "Asshole!", will work best.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

You must always remember to take your passport when visiting Cornwall.

Posted by Rev per Minute (# 69) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chorister:
You must always remember to take your passport when visiting Cornwall.

Of course, there are customs and passport checks on the bridges into Wales. The border guards, however, are only paid by what they receive in gifts from drivers, so be sure to save up all your small coins to pay the 'toll' (Welsh for 'present') - it is traditional to make your gift as heavy as possible, to show your appreciation.

Posted by Carex (# 9643) on :

When visiting England, be sure to go to Ireland (it's part of England, you know.) Americans may notice the quaint inhabitants talking about Eire, Pennsylvania: when they do, feel free to contribute your thoughts on what an awful and ugly place it is to live.

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

As it's part of Britain, you can of course use English currency. If the natives tell you you can't, don't take no for an answer.

Posted by Eutychus (# 3081) on :

First Birmingham, now central Paris (sorry, it was either here or Hell).

quote:
“in just a ten-minute cab ride from the Eiffel Tower, you can be walking through streets that feel just like Baghdad.”

another link

[ 16. January 2015, 18:24: Message edited by: Eutychus ]

Posted by Adeodatus (# 4992) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Eutychus:

quote:
“in just a ten-minute cab ride from the Eiffel Tower, you can be walking through streets that feel just like Baghdad.”
another link

But only if it's a really fast cab, and you told the driver "Baghdad, please."

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :

When you get onto the M4 after arriving from the ferry at Fishguard, the Chiswick roundabout is on the second slip road.

(Genuine America misreading of instructions from Heathrow despite correction by Brit in car.)

Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :

Everything in Canada is "near Toronto". Canadians enjoy saying "about", "roof" and "out" for your listening pleasure, eh.

It is indeed tremendously cold and we all live in igloos. The electric plug sticking out the front of cars are because gasoline freezes, thus we are forced to have electric cars.

Make sure you call Canadians you meet "hoser". They like that.

Side note:
All Australians who come to Canada work in ski areas as lift operators and ski instructors. They have to come to Canada to learn about snow and how to ski, and obviously learn very quickly once they're here.

quote:
Originally posted by Spike:
Also, while in Oxford, you'll be interested to know that the activity of riding punts on the river is known as "cottaging". If you'd like to take part, simply find a policeman or university professor and ask them to take you to the nearest location where you can can indulge in some cottaging.

There is cottage country just north of where I live. Most of us who own cabins (which is the western Canadian term for a cottage or camp) are members of Cottaging Associations. I know I am. [Biased]

[ 16. January 2015, 19:02: Message edited by: no prophet's flag is set so... ]

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :

You do get misconceptions even within a country. When the British Sociological Association held its conference at Aberystwyth in c 1980, some of the delegates- and remember that these were (i) British and (ii) people who might be expected to have some informed understanding of British society- asked the organisers if it might be possible to lay on a trip to the local mining districts. Of course there were deep pits in Wales then, but the nearest of them was 60-odd miles* from Aberystwyth. Still, no matter, it was Wales, so of course the country was going to be thickly populated with jolly singing sociologically interesting miners, wasn't it?

*I do realise that in Northern Territory or Montana this is the kind of distance you'd drive to pick up your daily paper. But it's quite a long way in Wales.

BTW Some fans of Fulham FC, who play at Craven Cottage, used to display car stickers which said 'Follow me to the Cottage'. I expect they met some very interesting people...

[ 16. January 2015, 19:59: Message edited by: Albertus ]

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

Either coal mines or sheep farms.

If going to Wales you'll need a phrasebook, as nobody speaks English outside Cardiff. Also, it's quite a small country so you can get from south to north Wales quite quickly. The same is true of travelling around the rest of Britain, which is, after all, only a small island.

You'll also need an umbrella as there is never a day without rain in Wales, or Scotland.

The weather changes once you cross Hadrian's Wall and enter a land of myth, and a time of magic. It is a place where anything could happen (but probably won't). As you head south, beware of the Brontes, who have lured many an unwary traveller to their lakeside home. Be careful in the Black Country, where the trees and flowers are dark as night and no birds sing. And of course, shun the frumious Birmingham...

Posted by balaam (# 4543) on :

In Yorkshire it is mandatory for all men to wear flat caps. If you lose yours a new fresh one will can be found in the nearest cattle field.

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

..,whose sparkling domes and minarets are visible for miles.

Apparently the stage directions for Donizetti's Emilia de Liverpool describe the setting as 'a beautiful city a few leagues from London'.

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
...If going to Wales you'll need a phrasebook, as nobody speaks English outside Cardiff...

No, no. Everybody speaks English but as soon as you enter the room they will switch to Welsh to exclude you. Even in Abergavenny.

Posted by Tubbs (# 440) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Eutychus:
First Birmingham, now central Paris (sorry, it was either here or Hell).

quote:
“in just a ten-minute cab ride from the Eiffel Tower, you can be walking through streets that feel just like Baghdad.”
another link

They also got British PM in waiting, Nigel Farage, to comment on this. There are no go areas controlled by Muslims throughput France apparently.

Tubbs

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by no prophet's flag is set so...:
Side note:
All Australians who come to Canada work in ski areas as lift operators and ski instructors. They have to come to Canada to learn about snow and how to ski, and obviously learn very quickly once they're here.

In all seriousness, quite a few young Australians are keen to go to Canada precisely so they can have that kind of working holiday.

But not all. I met one working in a coffee shop in Vancouver instead.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Eutychus:
(sorry, it was either here or Hell).

Why not both?

Frankly, I'm hurt by your policy. Next thing you know you'll be telling me that Hell is a no-go zone where 'normal' Shipmates dare not tread.

Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on :

Wow. Look out my window to my back garden.
Kangaroos jump constantly.
Koalas climb the trees, every tree.
Kookaburras laugh all the time.
Aboriginal dancers tell the stories of the Dreamtime, whilst surf lifesavers rest before running round to the beach in my front garden.

As a recognised Couch- surfer and Workaway/ Helpx host, I meet these expectations with most OS visitors to Australia.
They are shocked that THEIR expectations are not met in every household and garden. (Are you sure you don't have any bronzed lifesavers in your house, stashed away in a cupboard, or something?)
I giggle.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

I have a wonderful photo and wonderful footage of red kangaroos at the San Francisco Zoo. The photo and the footage have the exact same activity level.

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
Next thing you know you'll be telling me that Hell is a no-go zone where 'normal' Shipmates dare not tread.

Haven't seen any down there yet...

Posted by Athrawes (# 9594) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
I have a wonderful photo and wonderful footage of red kangaroos at the San Francisco Zoo. The photo and the footage have the exact same activity level.

That's because they're smart. People come and feed them, so if they lie around in the shade it is easier for the food carriers to find them. They don't need to do anything except look beautiful, exotic and smug! The ones around here have to do a lot more work to get fed (although the wallabies in the Bunya Mountains have learnt to recognise tourists, and lie down looking relaxed whenever one comes into view.)

Posted by Galloping Granny (# 13814) on :

I'm reminded of a sandwich stall in Switzerland where an English tourist was looking forward to the chicken sandwich she'd ordered. It was no use telling her that 'schinken' was ham – no, no: it says 'chicken'.

If you're invited to a gathering in New Zealand where food will be consumed, you may be asked to 'bring a plate'. You may be surprised when you get there to find that everyone else arrived with food on their plate. And if the invitation had mentioned 'Men, a bottle' – yes, you've guessed it.

GG

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :

What- 'got no loo so make your own arrangements for peeing'?

Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :

quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:

quote:
Originally posted by Eutychus:
(sorry, it was either here or Hell).

Why not both?

Frankly, I'm hurt by your policy. Next thing you know you'll be telling me that Hell is a no-go zone where 'normal' Shipmates dare not tread.

Fox News travel advice for Hell: Everyone has a target painted on their backsides, and as soon as you pass the border into Hell, you will have one too. Be aware that it's not the same as The Good Olde Days™, but then, we thought it was part of a Christian web site. There are rusty farm implements scattered everywhere.

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :

It is possible to get from central London to Manchester and Liverpool on the Underground - using the Northern Line, of course.

[I once met a bemused tourist at Camden Town who was asking when the next tube to Liverpool left - he'd been told to go to Euston to go north so went to Euston and got onto the Northern Line.]

In Wales everyone responds well if greeted with yachi da and particularly appreciate being hailed 'hey, Taffy'.

(Code fix)

[ 18. January 2015, 10:02: Message edited by: Firenze ]

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

If traveling in Austria, you might have to explain to the locals what Wiener Schnitzel so they don't try to foist a piece of breaded and deep fried veal on you. Don't fall for that trick -- it's their way of making tourists look gullible.

Posted by St. Gwladys (# 14504) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Albertus:
No, no. Everybody speaks English but as soon as you enter the room they will switch to Welsh to exclude you. Even in Abergavenny.

[tangent]In Abergavenny, you're more likely to hear broad Hereford![/tangent]

(Code fix)

[ 18. January 2015, 10:04: Message edited by: Firenze ]

Posted by Tubbs (# 440) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Rowen:
Wow. Look out my window to my back garden.
Kangaroos jump constantly.
Koalas climb the trees, every tree.
Kookaburras laugh all the time.
Aboriginal dancers tell the stories of the Dreamtime, whilst surf lifesavers rest before running round to the beach in my front garden.

As a recognised Couch- surfer and Workaway/ Helpx host, I meet these expectations with most OS visitors to Australia.
They are shocked that THEIR expectations are not met in every household and garden. (Are you sure you don't have any bronzed lifesavers in your house, stashed away in a cupboard, or something?)
I giggle.

You mean Neighbours and Crocodile Dundee aren't documentaries about every day life down under? (Where women um ... And men chunder?)

Tubbs

PS. Sorry!

Posted by Rev per Minute (# 69) on :

quote:
Originally posted by St. Gwladys:

quote:
Originally posted by Albertus:
No, no. Everybody speaks English but as soon as you enter the room they will switch to Welsh to exclude you. Even in Abergavenny.
[tangent]In Abergavenny, you're more likely to hear broad Hereford![/tangent]

I thought it was just me who couldn't understand anyone in Abergavenny... [Roll Eyes]

Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Galloping Granny:
I'm reminded of a sandwich stall in Switzerland where an English tourist was looking forward to the chicken sandwich she'd ordered. It was no use telling her that 'schinken' was ham – no, no: it says 'chicken'.

If you're invited to a gathering in New Zealand where food will be consumed, you may be asked to 'bring a plate'. You may be surprised when you get there to find that everyone else arrived with food on their plate. And if the invitation had mentioned 'Men, a bottle' – yes, you've guessed it.

GG

This reminds me of being in Québec (city) and hearing an anglo complain about being brought pineapple - ananas - which she thought was banana.

Tea is always hot here, unless it is said to be ice tea, in which case it means sugar water made from powder, like koolaid. On the other hand, hockey is always played on ice.

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :

quote:
... It is indeed tremendously cold and we all live in igloos ...

You may jest. A friend of ours who comes from Windsor, Ontario, worked as a border official in the summer holidays when she was a student, and she tells of people crossing the border, in July, when the temperature was in the 30s C., and asking where the snow was. She would point northwards and tell them that if they drove for about a week in that direction, they might find some snow ... [Big Grin]

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

When driving in New York City it is not lawful to yield to emergency vehicles with flashing lights and blaring sirens. Indeed, it is considered great sport to race them.

Also, there is a ten second grace period between the time a traffic light turns red and the time when you actually have to stop.

Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :

An allied law, of traffic lights in the US: Green means go. Red means stop. The intervening yellow light is a signal to step on it and go faster.

Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
An allied law, of traffic lights in the US: Green means go. Red means stop. The intervening yellow light is a signal to step on it and go faster.

That one's pretty universal.

When visiting the UK, it is appropriate to show respect to police officers. The accepted way of doing this is to place the heels together, bend the knees outward in a demi-plié, and greet him or her with a hearty "'Allo 'allo 'allo".

If you don't recognize the insignia on the officer's tunic, it is in order to follow up your greeting with the question "What's all this, then?"

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :

On traffic lights, one saying which is perhaps more accurate than misleading is that in Turin, a red light is a command; in Rome, it's a suggestion; in Naples, it's a challnge.

Posted by Rev per Minute (# 69) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Albertus:
On traffic lights, one saying which is perhaps more accurate than misleading is that in Turin, a red light is a command; in Rome, it's a suggestion; in Naples, it's a challnge.

and a pedestrian crossing is an opportunity for prayer, being a good Catholic country!

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

Bill Bryson suggests that if a pedestrian wants to cross a street in Rome, he/she should find a group of nuns and stick to them like a wet t-shirt. NO ONE would dare hit a nun, but anyone else is taking their chances in the Roman traffic. (I actually took his advice.)

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :

Mind is now boggling at the thought of the words 'nuns' and 'wet t-shirt' in the same sentence...

I had a teacher who had been a passionate 1960s radical, who told me if I ever went on a protest march, walk between the nuns and the kids' groups. There's never any trouble.

Posted by Anselmina (# 3032) on :

quote:
Originally posted by SvitlanaV2:

Going back to the OP, one thing I'd like to counter is the idea promoted by some that in Birmingham UK there are 'no-go areas' for non-Muslims (otherwise described as 'white people').

It's true that certain inner city districts and suburbs of Birmingham have a relatively high population of Muslims. But these areas all have churches that local Christians (and others) can attend if they want to! Even inner city Birmingham still houses some white (and other) non-Muslims, and of course, some of the residents are now white, non-Muslim East Europeans.

I think it's more the case that some (working class) white British people feel uncomfortable living on or visiting a street where people from their cultural background are in the minority. But that doesn't mean that Muslims have somehow banned them from being there!

Two of the happiest years of my life were spent in Birmingham, where our theological college was located on the borderlands between the wealthy surburbia of Edgbaston, the Balti Belt of the Bristol Road and our nearest town-centre, Harborne.

We did some of our placements in Lozelles a mixed Black-Christian/Muslim area, where within the space of a few streets we could experience the 'typical' Black Pentecostalist church, a mosque and a gurdwara; did school visits to Church of England schools with 95% Muslim children attenders, whose parents largely supported the broad-based CofE ethos which prevailed. And in one of my own parish placements - inner-city Brum - our next door neighbour was the Saddam Hussein Mosque - doubtless re-named since then!

I LOVED Birmingham.

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

On Los Angeles freeways, the "diamond lanes*" are reserved for persons wealthy enough to employ a chauffeur to drive them.

__________________

* Actually the diamonds mark the carpool lanes, reserved for vehicles with two or more occupants.

Posted by Enoch (# 14322) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Gill H:
Mind is now boggling at the thought of the words 'nuns' and 'wet t-shirt' in the same sentence...

If that's the way your cookie crumbles, I'm sure a search of the web with all the safeguards switched off will find someone happy to cater for your tastes. [Snigger]

Posted by Lord Jestocost (# 12909) on :

Be sure to check the currency regulations so that you do not try to carry more than the maximum permitted amount of Scottish pounds into England, or vice versa. Banks in any border town will offer competitive rates of exchange.

Posted by BroJames (# 9636) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Lord Jestocost:
Be sure to check the currency regulations so that you do not try to carry more than the maximum permitted amount of Scottish pounds into England, or vice versa. Banks in any border town will offer competitive rates of exchange.

But you should be aware that attempting to trade Scottish currency in England is illegal and an arrestable offence. However this law is widely flouted, and a discreet word with a shopkeeper, restaurateur etc. in the border regions of England (Cumbria, Northumberland, Durham) should allow you to benefit from the more favourable unofficial rate of exchange.

In Scotland, where a different legal system applies, provided your English notes are demonstrably genuine, you will find almost any local happy to give you £1 Scots for as little as £1.10 or even £1.05 English.

The discrepancy is due to the economic impact of North Sea oil.

Posted by Eirenist (# 13343) on :

It is illegal to tip taxi-drivers in London

Posted by BroJames (# 9636) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Eirenist:
It is illegal to tip taxi-drivers in London

Snap!

Posted by Eirenist (# 13343) on :

I was wondering if someone was going to notice that.

Posted by Eirenist (# 13343) on :

'I was wondering if anyone was going to notice that.' (Capt. Mainwaring)

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

When traveling from Mexico to the United States, one can avoid long lines and delays at border checkpoints by chartering a rowboat to take one across the Rio Grande.

Posted by Tubbs (# 440) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Anselmina:
... our next door neighbour was the Saddam Hussein Mosque - doubtless re-named since then!

I LOVED Birmingham. [/QB]

Renamed the Jami Masjid and Islamic Centre in 2003. [Big Grin]

[Sorry, slow work day!]

I used to have to go there every few months to do training in an old job. I loved it too!

Tubbs

[ 19. January 2015, 15:44: Message edited by: Tubbs ]

Posted by Matt Black (# 2210) on :

In the town of Poole in Dorset, it is compulsory for every property to have its own swimming pool, no matter how small.

Posted by St. Gwladys (# 14504) on :

When crossing from Wales to England, or ngland to Wales, it is necessary to stop at the border control to show your passport.
(A few years ago, our church had a delightful, but rather naive, Peruvian layworker. We took her to Hereford via Pontrilas, where there is a bridge over the river and large signs saying Welcome to England. We managed to persuade her that she would need her passport.)

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :

The people of Wales guard their culture jealously and take precautions to avoid being 'swamped' by foreigners - so a charge is levied to drive over the border.

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

And so it is: £6.40 per car travelling across the Severn Bridge.

I note that one isn't charged for leaving Wales ...

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :

WRONG!

It went up again on 1st January and is now £6.50 - roughly $9.80.

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :

It doesn't work like the Skye bridge when it was first built does it? If you were crossing the bridge with livestock, the fee wasn't charged.

So they got this sheep ... [Killing me]

Once they'd paid for the bridge, they took the toll off, and presumably the sheep was made redundant*.

* or made into a casserole. [Eek!]

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :

The Severn crossings are due to be paid for sometime in 2017 but there's now talk of a 'miscalculation' of the amount of VAT/corporation tax that the consortium has paid out so the tolls are likely to continue.

Bearing in mind the huge volume of traffic using the route, even split between the two bridges, it seems strange that there is still money outstanding, especially bearing in mind that when the Scottish Government bought the Skye Bridge it had already been paid for...

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

I'm sure Bridge Tolls (iniquities thereof) is a topic. Just not the advertised one.

Back to confusing gullible foreigners.

Firenze
Heaven Host

Posted by Enoch (# 14322) on :

quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
WRONG!

It went up again on 1st January and is now £6.50 - roughly $9.80.

The Welsh don't get any of it, though.

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :

I know: its a consortium made up of Laings (UK), Vinci (French), BankAmerica (USA) and Barclays capital (UK).

You could say that the Barclays and Laing shares coming to 50% makes it half home-owned but I think that stretches the point.

As for whether or not its making money, its interesting to note that the above four are the original people from the building of the second crossing beginning in 1992: obviously they're pleased with the rate of return they're getting...

Posted by Matt Black (# 2210) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Piglet:
presumably the sheep was made redundant*.

* or made into a casserole.

Slow cooker is best for mutton.

Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Matt Black:

quote:
Originally posted by Piglet:
presumably the sheep was made redundant*.

* or made into a casserole.
Slow cooker is best for mutton.

If you can get it. Bugger to get hold of, mutton. Affordably, anyway. Ironically, it's expensive from poncy specialist butchers and yet farmers throw carcasses away as having no value on the market. Weird.

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

To get back to questionable advice given to gullible tourists (while not abandoning the food tangent):

In New York's Chinatown, all restaurants are served by one huge underground kitchen, so it really doesn't matter which one you choose to eat in.

Posted by Pulsator Organorum Ineptus (# 2515) on :

On entering a British pub, just go and sit down at a table. Someone will come and take your order for drinks. Service can often be a little on the slow side - just be patient.

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :

British trains do not stop, they merely slow down at stations. Care should be taken when jumping from the platform through the open door of the slow-moving carriage.

(Genuine story told to my cousin on her first visit to England for her first train journey, by her piss-taking older brother).

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:

quote:
Originally posted by Matt Black:

quote:
Originally posted by Piglet:
presumably the sheep was made redundant*.

* or made into a casserole.
Slow cooker is best for mutton.
If you can get it. Bugger to get hold of, mutton. Affordably, anyway. Ironically, it's expensive from poncy specialist butchers and yet farmers throw carcasses away as having no value on the market. Weird.

Glad someone's made that point. I want some of the stuff. Waitrose made a point about it in their weekly freeby paper a while back, so I asked, but my branch didn't have it. Bluewater once had a large joint, when I wanted it for Irish stew. Sainsbury's had it briefly, along with goat, and I had the best Irish stew I'd had for years. Prince Charles has been pushing it. But I can't get it.
The company Look What We've Found had packs of Herdwick mutton stew for a while, but that's gone with their rabbit casserole.
There are obviously not enough of us out here who want the stuff.

Posted by Spike (# 36) on :

All branches of Waitrose sell mutton, but because it's so popular they have to stock it out of sight. To order some, you need to give the secret sign which means kissing the nearest member of staff on both cheeks.

Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Penny S:

quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:

quote:
Originally posted by Matt Black:

quote:
Originally posted by Piglet:
presumably the sheep was made redundant*.

* or made into a casserole.
Slow cooker is best for mutton.
If you can get it. Bugger to get hold of, mutton. Affordably, anyway. Ironically, it's expensive from poncy specialist butchers and yet farmers throw carcasses away as having no value on the market. Weird.
Glad someone's made that point. I want some of the stuff. Waitrose made a point about it in their weekly freeby paper a while back, so I asked, but my branch didn't have it. Bluewater once had a large joint, when I wanted it for Irish stew. Sainsbury's had it briefly, along with goat, and I had the best Irish stew I'd had for years. Prince Charles has been pushing it. But I can't get it.
The company Look What We've Found had packs of Herdwick mutton stew for a while, but that's gone with their rabbit casserole.
There are obviously not enough of us out here who want the stuff.

You'd think with high supply (lots of sheep kept for wool; carcasses have to go somewhere) and low demand (which is what is complained about) it'd be cheap.
So why is it so expensive?

Posted by Lord Jestocost (# 12909) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pulsator Organorum Ineptus:
On entering a British pub, just go and sit down at a table. Someone will come and take your order for drinks. Service can often be a little on the slow side - just be patient.

In the unlikely event that you have to go to the bar to order for yourself and your friends, remember bar staff have very little memory and so it is important to order drinks one at a time. The larger the order, the more important it is to do this.

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

It is also important, for security reasons, to not get out one's wallet for payment until all drinks have been poured and the total price calculated by the bar-tender. Ideally the wallet should be kept in an inside pocket of a jacket, underneath the outer coat and scarf.

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

Theatre etiquette: seats in British theatres are numbered. If possible, consult the plan at the box office or online to see precisely where you are seated. If you are at the end of a row, it is customary to arrive early for the performance. Conversely, those at the centres of rows should not enter the auditorium until the last few moments before the performance begins.

Once the performance starts, actors consider it an honour to be filmed on your mobile phone and to hear you discuss their performance with your companions. [Devil]

Posted by Enoch (# 14322) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:
Theatre etiquette: seats in British theatres are numbered. If possible, consult the plan at the box office or online to see precisely where you are seated. If you are at the end of a row, it is customary to arrive early for the performance. Conversely, those at the centres of rows should not enter the auditorium until the last few moments before the performance begins.

Once the performance starts, actors consider it an honour to be filmed on your mobile phone and to hear you discuss their performance with your companions.

If possible, use your flash when you photograph them. They like to know they are being appreciated. It helps them.

Posted by Sparrow (# 2458) on :

Likewise when passing through the barrier at a London Underground station, it is essential that you do not get your ticket or Oyster card out until you are standing right in front of the barrier. If possible, please stand in such a way as to obstruct not only the swipe point but the gate of the adjoining barrier.

Additionally on escalators, please ignore the "stand on the right" sign, and feel free to gather in large groups at the top and bottom of the escalator. The ensuing congestion helps to alleviate the boredom suffered by the long suffering London commuters.

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Sparrow:
Additionally on escalators, please ignore the "stand on the right" sign, and feel free to gather in large groups at the top and bottom of the escalator. The ensuing congestion helps to alleviate the boredom suffered by the long suffering London commuters.

Make sure you wear your large backpack, and continually swing back and forth as you converse with your friends on said escalators.

Also remember to obey the rubric that "dogs must be carried" - these can be hired (by the week) from a well-known establishment in Battersea.

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

If you a party of young people, in Britain on an educational visit say, it is essential that stay close together when moving around. Link arms if possible. Continually check on other members of the group by looking round for them, speaking to them and photographing each other. Any moment when you are not, spend the time in texting updates of your whereabouts to everyone you know not actually part of the present grouping - and a few who are.

Do not let your surroundings, or the locals, distract you from these vital activities.

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :

Life is too short to be always rushing everywhere and not to enjoy being in the moment. Always move slowly to take in the sights, especially if there are a lot of you and you are on a quaint narrow pavement. The locals will enjoy the break from their daily grind.

Posted by Rev per Minute (# 69) on :

If you are part of such a group, remember that there are legal limits to the distance you may travel on foot in one day. The easiest way to avoid breaking the rules is to stop suddenly, without warning, a number of times each day in order to control your mileage. This must be done in the middle of crowded pavements, outside shops, etc., so as to ensure you and your group move off as slowly as possible.

Posted by David (# 3) on :

In Australia (Penrith to be precise) it is perfectly acceptable for someone in the audience to eat a fucking hamburger during a performance of Henry V.

Posted by venbede (# 16669) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:
Theatre etiquette: seats in British theatres are numbered. If possible, consult the plan at the box office or online to see precisely where you are seated. If you are at the end of a row, it is customary to arrive early for the performance. Conversely, those at the centres of rows should not enter the auditorium until the last few moments before the performance begins.

And if you are seated at the far right of the row, make sure you enter at the far left just a few minutes before the performance when all the seats in between are full.

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

When shopping in supermarkets, be sure to park your cart in such a way that it blocks the aisle. You don't want other shoppers grabbing the items that you are perusing on the shelf while you try to make up your mind which ones to buy.

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
When shopping in supermarkets, be sure to park your cart in such a way that it blocks the aisle. You don't want other shoppers grabbing the items that you are perusing on the shelf while you try to make up your mind which ones to buy.

Snort! Doesn't work!

I'm pretty sure I was the grabber when this guy parked himself (with his cart and with a cell phone glued to his ear) in front of the ready-cooked meat endcap. After about twenty seconds I darted my arm in and scored the last roasted turkey breast. He walked away after that empty handed. [Snigger]

Posted by Eirenist (# 13343) on :

In British towns and cities, the visitor may see the words 'LOOK LEFT' or 'LOOK RIGHT' painted at the edge of the sidewalk. These are political slogans and should be ignored.

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

As are "red man" pedestrian indicators at traffic lights.

Equally, if driving in Britain, one should never attempt to stop if the lights change to amber in front of you. The Highway Code states that it is obligatory to pass a red aspect within the first three seconds of it being displayed; indeed to stop would be dangerous as you are likely to be rammed by the car behind you. Traffic coming from the opposite direction will always be happy to wait for you and can safely be ignored.

Posted by Lord Jestocost (# 12909) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
I'm pretty sure I was the grabber when this guy parked himself (with his cart and with a cell phone glued to his ear) in front of the ready-cooked meat endcap. After about twenty seconds I darted my arm in and scored the last roasted turkey breast. He walked away after that empty handed.

Respect!

Posted by Spike (# 36) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:
As are "red man" pedestrian indicators at traffic lights.

Equally, if driving in Britain, one should never attempt to stop if the lights change to amber in front of you. The Highway Code states that it is obligatory to pass a red aspect within the first three seconds of it being displayed; indeed to stop would be dangerous as you are likely to be rammed by the car behind you. Traffic coming from the opposite direction will always be happy to wait for you and can safely be ignored.

If you drive a car that exhibits the letters VW, AUDI, BMW or TAXI this is an indication that you have passed a special driving test that exempts you from rules regarding traffic lights, speed limits or lane discipline.

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Spike:

If you drive a car that exhibits the letters VW, AUDI, BMW or TAXI this is an indication that you have passed a special driving test that exempts you from rules regarding traffic lights, speed limits or lane discipline.

You missed those vehicles that have a kind of 'Circular gunsight' on the centre of the bonnet.

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

Four wheel drives are permitted to go at 70 mph on a 50 mph road, and because they are more manoeuvrable than other vehicles, can park where they feel like it.

If you've had too much to drink it is legal to park in the middle of a roundabout (provided you don't squash the floral display or the council will fine you) and pick your car up the next day when you're a bit more clear-headed.

One unit of alcohol is the same as one drink, by the way.

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

Pedestrians always have the right-of-way. For that reason, it is never necessary to look for oncoming traffic when stepping out into the street. Cars will stop for you regardless of how close they may be to you. You should look straight ahead to avoid colliding with other pedestrians.

Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
Pedestrians always have the right-of-way. For that reason, it is never necessary to look for oncoming traffic when stepping out into the street. Cars will stop for you regardless of how close they may be to you. You should look straight ahead to avoid colliding with other pedestrians.

I dream of enacting this legislation, at least within built up areas. It would make cities approximately 100x nicer places to be.

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:

quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
Pedestrians always have the right-of-way. For that reason, it is never necessary to look for oncoming traffic. . . .
I dream of enacting this legislation. . . .

But it's already the law, and there's the rub. I once almost mowed an old lady down on my motorcycle when she stepped out in front of me without looking when I was within inches of the crosswalk.

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
You should look straight ahead to avoid colliding with other pedestrians.

Surely that should read: "It is customary in this country to study the screen of your mobile phone and listen to music on your earphones as you walk along the pavement. No-one will be in the slightest bit upset if you walk into them, and drivers will not mind if you step into the road without first looking".

[ 22. January 2015, 19:44: Message edited by: Baptist Trainfan ]

Posted by Spike (# 36) on :

Prostitution is legal In the UK. By law, all prostitutes (both male and female) must wear a badge or display a car sticker showing this symbol when plying their trade

Posted by crunt (# 1321) on :

Prostitution is rife in the major cities of New Zealand. Prostitutes (male and female) can be found all across the central business district standing around and smoking outside major office buildings.

Posted by Enoch (# 14322) on :

Under a recent harmonisation directive, you can ignore the law of the place where you are. Wherever you go in the EU, you remain subject to, and only to, the laws of your own country - family law, speeding limits, licensing hours, the lot. And that applies even if you come from a country outside the EU.

Posted by Rev per Minute (# 69) on :

And if you are a senior bank or company executive, you can choose where to pay your tax and where to face any legal cases you might attract.

Sorry, was this fantasy rules? [Razz]

Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on :

Australians drive on the opposite side of the road, to many of you.
You might think this may lead to confusion, even injury and death, especially at crossroads, roundabouts and in city traffic. Even more so if you, the tourist, aren't driving but are a pedestrian trying to cross tne road. But don't worry. All Aussie drivers are specially trained to recognise tourist drivers and pedestrians, and will adjust their driving processes accordingly.

Posted by Lothlorien (# 4927) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Rowen:
Australians drive on the opposite side of the road, to many of you.
You might think this may lead to confusion, even injury and death, especially at crossroads, roundabouts and in city traffic. Even more so if you, the tourist, aren't driving but are a pedestrian trying to cross tne road. But don't worry. All Aussie drivers are specially trained to recognise tourist drivers and pedestrians, and will adjust their driving processes accordingly.

This usually involves the use of a finger to show acknowledgement of the tourist. This is a friendly gesture, so may be returned.

David, I am surprised at a Penrith resident eating a hamburger at the theatre, i thought the city was a new cultural centre after Parramatta. There is an art gallery there. Blacktown perhaps.

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

As you know from the international media, Detroit is empty. No one lives there. No one at all.

Except some bold young entrepreneurs and artists. And wild dogs. (Pheasants were the wildlife of choice to mention in the '90s.)

There really are white folks from outside the city who honestly believe that if the set foot in the city, they will be killed. You know, 'cause everyone in the city is dead. Or at least all the white residents.

And don't forget that all of our buildings are ruins; there are vast prairies where houses used to be; and we're flat broke and no city services are getting done. Trash is piling up everywhere; there are no street lights anywhere.

It's a dangerous place to go, unless you're a young artist from New York or a creative-class entrepreneur. In that case, there's something absolutely heroic about your crossing 8 Mile and settling down in Corktown or Midtown (thankfully, you can get Slows BBQ in either location), the only inhabitable parts of the city.

(Meanwhile, the rest of us in the neighborhoods throughout the city continue to live our lives...)

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

This is important for anyone coming to the big football game in a couple of weeks (unless the deflation scandal ruins it) -- everyone in Arizona wears a cowboy hat, rides a horse, and carries at least one gun. These items can be rented at the airport if you don't bring your own.

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
Everyone in Arizona . . . carries at least one gun.

And votes Republican.

Posted by John Holding (# 158) on :

quote:
Originally posted by David:
In Australia (Penrith to be precise) it is perfectly acceptable for someone in the audience to eat a fucking hamburger during a performance of Henry V.

But not a virgin hamburger?

John

Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on :

The New Forest in Hampshire became a public park just a few years ago. Prior to that, it was the training ground for Portsmouth Football Club. You may still find holes in the ground created by the players' boots.

The grids at certain points of the road were put there to stop the players flocking to the Alice Lisle pub before the training sessions had finished. They were put there after a red-headed player wandered onto the wrong path and found himself at the Chewton Glen Hotel while Southampton FC were in residence: his memorial is called the Rufus Stone.

Because the forest is so new, the horses haven't fully grown yet. Please try to feed them at every opportunity, to boost their growth. If you can't get their attention, a swift yank on the tail usually works.

Posted by Enoch (# 14322) on :

If you visit a National Park, park means that you can go where you like. You can picnic or play football anywhere, in any field and even in peoples' gardens. The only exception is if you see a sign marked 'Bridleway'. That means you cannot just walk along it. You can only go there on a horse.

If your child needs to use the loo, you are entitled to knock on anyone's door and they are obliged to let him or her use theirs.

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :

--It is required of theater goers in America to bring their cell phones, turn them on, set the volume to maximum, set many short-term alarms, and tell all their friends to call them during the play. The cast appreciates your modernity; and will eagerly interact with you, should you display it.

--In San Francisco, engrouped travelers are strongly encouraged to occupy the entire width of the wide sidewalk, and make loud, rude comments if someone tries to squeeze past.

--SF's bike messengers really don't mind if cars try to hug them; it's what they live for.

--Yes, recreational use of marijuana is legal in California, especially in San Francisco. Please do smoke out while walking around in public. Everyone will be grateful to get a contact high, and smell of pot for the rest of the day.

--Yes, those dirty people who sleep on sidewalks, in doorways, and in parks, and beg for change really are trying to annoy you. They're hired by the city. Think of it as Disneyland.

--All of San Francisco is perfectly safe. Don't take any precautions, don't pay attention to the people around you, and do open your door to strangers without a second thought. Oh, and do leave your purse and computer unattended on the cafe table while you go to the restroom.

--Do freely take pictures of Chinatown residents, without permission. They're just part of the scenery.

Posted by Heavenly Anarchist (# 13313) on :

quote:
Originally posted by David:
In Australia (Penrith to be precise) it is perfectly acceptable for someone in the audience to eat a fucking hamburger during a performance of Henry V.

It is compulsory to do this at outdoor performances of Carmen staged in Jerusalem, a burger van is provided in order to enforce this rule and will be situated just behind you. The wooden staging and steps will enhance your experience by providing acoustic accompaniment to the constant chattering and moving about, which the locals do as a sign of their appreciation of the opera.

[ 24. January 2015, 13:18: Message edited by: Heavenly Anarchist ]

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

It's historic precedent. People talked through performances in Shakespeare's day and it's still perfectly acceptable to do that now. Also, when attending a performance of a Shakespeare play, in accordance with ancient custom, if you aren't happy with the performance, you are permitted to throw an orange at the actor of your choice. Throwing more than one or two, or choosing to throw other fruit, however, will be regarded as not in the spirit of things and may see you escorted from the premises.

If going to the cinema, as films these days are longer than they used to be, you should bring your dinner with you. As most people will be eating their way through a bag of king-sized burgers, chips and onion rings, and slurping a large soft drink, you won't be out of place. This is one reason why the volume in cinemas is louder than it used to be. You should also remember to clap at the end of the film, to be polite and show appreciation of the fine acting you have just seen.

Also bear in mind that the National Anthem is usually played to indicate the start of a performance either at the theatre or cinema. If this doesn't happen, you are entitled to ask at the box office for a refund, because it means the starting time of the performance will have been altered without notification.

Posted by Enoch (# 14322) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
... Also bear in mind that the National Anthem is usually played to indicate the start of a performance either at the theatre or cinema. If this doesn't happen, you are entitled to ask at the box office for a refund, because it means the starting time of the performance will have been altered without notification.

It is your patriotic duty in these circumstances to protest by standing to attention throughout the performance. The more people whose vision of the screen you can obstruct, the more creditworthy your demonstration.

If there is a group of you and you have waited until a very quiet part of the film, it is permissible to sing the National Anthem yourselves in a very loud voice, and including the verses about the Scots that people don't usually sing. If you have done that, you may then sit down.

If you have done this 12 times in the same year, and have got the right card stamped by the cinema each time, you can submit the card to the Honours Office. You will then be awarded an OBE.

If you've wondered how so many people you've never heard of got in the Honours List, that is how.

Posted by Lord Jestocost (# 12909) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Enoch:
If you visit a National Park, park means that you can go where you like. You can picnic or play football anywhere, in any field and even in peoples' gardens. The only exception is if you see a sign marked 'Bridleway'. That means you cannot just walk along it. You can only go there on a horse.

All animals in National Parks are tame because, well, they're in a park, aren't they?

Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :

Be sure, when visiting Florida to get away from northern cold weather, to drive at least ten miles per hour in the left hand lane. The locals will enjoy the chance to enjoy the lovely day, since they, like visitors, don't have an actual schedule.

Oh, you will get extra appreciation points if you drive exactly beside the slow car in the right hand lane. The locals call it "Parade Day", and live for enjoying miles of slow parading through town. Also, it shows your driving skills by anticipating your right hand partner's speeding up and slowing down to continue to match them move for move.

Bonus! If a rude resident manages to pass you on the right, immediately accelerate to the actual speed limit so they can't pass you, then slow down once they have to get behind you again.

(Grrrrr) [Roll Eyes]

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Enoch:
... It is your patriotic duty ...

[snip]

... If you have done this 12 times in the same year, and have got the right card stamped by the cinema each time, you can submit the card to the Honours Office. You will then be awarded an OBE.

If you've wondered how so many people you've never heard of got in the Honours List, that is how.

Except the bit about the rebellious Scots, obviously ... [Devil]

[ 26. January 2015, 14:45: Message edited by: Piglet ]

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

Traveling from Arizona to New Mexico will, of course, require a passport. After all, it says "Mexico" right in the name.

Similarly, crossing from California to Baja California does not involve an international border -- it's called "Baja California," not "Baja Mexico." Don't let some guy in a phony Customs and Immigration uniform try to pull a fast one on you.

Posted by Sparrow (# 2458) on :

Whenever in the UK, do not pass up the opportunity to sample "Marmite", a delicious rich chocolaty spread much beloved by the British, to the extent that they often try to put strangers off, saying "you won't like it!"

It should be spread as thickly as possible on bread or toast, or in spoonfuls direct from the jar. Enjoy!

[ 27. January 2015, 12:23: Message edited by: Sparrow ]

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

In the same vein, mushy peas are a British delicacy that Americans will take to as readily as a pig takes to slop.

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

It is traditional to make porridge overnight and pour it into a drawer of the kitchen table to set, to be served in chunks, cold, the next morning. You may if you wish wrap your chunk up to take away and gnaw later.

The haggis, despite what you hear, is a small animal that grazes on the moors of the Scottish Highlands. There is a hunting season during the autumn.

The Cornish Pasty is a small, mischievous creature that spends much of its time invisible, lurking in people's houses and spiriting items away when you are looking for them. Do not confuse it with the Cornish Piskie, who leads unwary pub-goers well and truly astray after closing time.

The living creatures on the Isle of Man often have distinctive peculiarities; goats have four horns, cats have no tails, and men have three legs.

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:

The Cornish Pasty is a small, mischievous creature that spends much of its time invisible, lurking in people's houses and spiriting items away when you are looking for them.

And here I always thought they were something worn by Cornish strippers.
[Biased]

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
In the same vein, mushy peas are a British delicacy that Americans will take to as readily as a pig takes to slop.

Hey. I friggen love mushy peas.

Posted by LeRoc (# 3216) on :

When you meet a random Dutchman, start a conversation with him about marihuana. It's all we ever want to think or talk about.

Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:

quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
In the same vein, mushy peas are a British delicacy that Americans will take to as readily as a pig takes to slop.
Hey. I friggen love mushy peas.

Ah Kelly, and I though you were a woman of discerning taste. [Biased]

Huia

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

Om. Nom. Nom.

UBB.classic^TM 6.5.0