Ship of Fools: If you knew...

Thread: If you knew... Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by HCH (# 14313) on :

The thread about the end of the world leads me to this topic, perhaps more personal and less lofty.

Suppose you knew for certain that you were going to die sometime soon, say within two weeks. Let's ignore the question of how you might acquire this knowledge, and let's assume this does not involve suicide or legal execution or the end of all life.

Would you do anything differently in your everyday life during your remaining days?

I think my reaction would be to stop counting calories, make a few telephone calls (not mentioning the subject), maintain my diary, perhaps write a will and a few letters, but otherwise (I hope) I would go about my life as if I did not know.

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :

I think I might give up my hobby of following politics and current events. Because it would be kind of depressing to read about, say, an ongoing election campaign, knowing that I would not be able to find out how it ends up.

I suspect some sports fans might feel the same way about watching season games without being around for the championship.

Posted by Galilit (# 16470) on :

Been there, done that, didn't happen though

Didn't see anything that needed changing (apart from undifferentiated worrying which I stopped as now/then there really seemed no point at all)

Maybe watched a bit more Youtube (Yes, Minister, Star Trek, Msgr Georg (as he then was)), Macgyver, etc

Posted by Anglican't (# 15292) on :

I might go and find out what this fuss about hard drugs is all about.

Posted by Ad Orientem (# 17574) on :

quote:
Originally posted by HCH:
The thread about the end of the world leads me to this topic, perhaps more personal and less lofty.

Suppose you knew for certain that you were going to die sometime soon, say within two weeks. Let's ignore the question of how you might acquire this knowledge, and let's assume this does not involve suicide or legal execution or the end of all life.

Would you do anything differently in your everyday life during your remaining days?

I think my reaction would be to stop counting calories, make a few telephone calls (not mentioning the subject), maintain my diary, perhaps write a will and a few letters, but otherwise (I hope) I would go about my life as if I did not know.

I'd get a packet of Marlboro cigarettes and a bottle of the finest whisky and get as many of my loved ones around me as I could.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

I'd go walking on Dartmoor more often. It's something I love to do, it's right on my doorstep, and yet it always seems to get superseded by something more pressing...

Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :

I would buy chocolate, and chocolate dipped marshmallows, all brain food. Pure glucose! A pot of coffee, and then I would write. I can finish this novel in two weeks, yes I can.

Posted by Beautiful Dreamer (# 10880) on :

Call/visit all the family members and friends I can.

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

Use everything in my savings account to go somewhere beautiful for a week (the Rockies? Scotland? New Zealand?) to get through the Stages of Grief at a gallop; then walk and meditate and thank God for my life. Do the Sacrament of Reconciliation with the priest I feel closest to. Then go home and spend quality time with family and friends.

Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :

I think I should like to hug and kiss my family. I would also ask if we could sing together, drink some beer, eat some chocolate, look at the stars and northern lights, sing a little more, recite some poetry we all know, get a good large piece of rag paper and all paint water colour together.

Then after celebrating in all these positive ways, cry together until we're cried out, and particularly that they are cried out because that's the most important thing.

Then we can go back to poetry, singing and painting. And if I'm feeling good enough, we should light a campfire and roast marshmallows and wieners on sticks, and have a wee bit of of brandy or scotch with some toasts and laughter. And maybe canoe a bit in the morning as the sun comes up about 3:30 a.m. in summer, and hear the still sounds of loons and grebes and ducks on the water. And think of returning friends and voices I've known, wondering about the greens and blues, colds and warms.

And they can put me to bed on the cabin deck, so I expire in the evening or morning mist. Then they can burn my body and chuck my ashes into the lake where mine shall meet all of the others whose ashes are in the lake and mingled with water, which means several generations of loved ancestors. I hope I can sing and paint and canoe with them too.

Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on :

quote:
Originally posted by HCH:

Suppose you knew for certain that you were going to die sometime soon, say within two weeks.

Well, I'd probably use some of my vacation, rather than saving it up for the summer.

I'd probably write letters to my kids, for them to open on significant birthdays. I haven't done this "just in case" because I suck at writing letters, but I can usually make myself do some work if I'm facing a deadline. And I'd try and take one more really good photo of me with each kid, so they have something to remember (we have lots of photos of the kids, but not so many of the guy behind the camera).

But nothing dramatic.

Posted by Boogie (# 13538) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Leorning Cniht:
.... but I can usually make myself do some work if I'm facing a deadline....

.... this is the key.

Most of us have no idea when our time will be up, so we don't have that feeling of a deadline (good word!) coming up.

I think I'd try to make life more interesting if I knew I only had a short time left. Go on better walks with my dogs instead of the same old same old ones. Visit some local places I've always intended to go to. See all my family 'one last time'.

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :

I'd start smoking (decent cigarettes- Players Navy Cut, Gauloises, Senior Service, that kind of thing) again. Used to enjoy it but gave up on health and cost grounds.

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

I'd throw as big a party as possible for my friends and family. Oh, and Shipmates too.

If there's going to be a celebration of my life I'd like to be there if at all possible.

Posted by The Rogue (# 2275) on :

I would probably tell my closest family (wife & children) but not anyone else. I would then give up work (so I suppose I would tell them as well) and try to see as many people as possible. I may or may not be successful at this. And some friends and family would probably guess that something was up.

I would also write a will but any other loose ends (including work) would be left dangling.

Posted by Mere Nick (# 11827) on :

I'd stop off at the convenience store and buy a pack of Lifesavers.

Posted by Yorick (# 12169) on :

I'd assassinate a tyrannical dictator.

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Yorick:
I'd assassinate a tyrannical dictator.

Are you taking suggestions?

Posted by Galloping Granny (# 13814) on :

I'd collect in one place and label all the genealogical stuff, photos etc, the French and Latin bibles that my great-grandfather gave my mother because she studied those languages, and so on.
Walk in the bush. Tell my children and grandchildren (and the Grandad of course) that I love them.
Listen to some favourite music. Read some special poetry.

If I could no longer walk in the bush I'd get my son to take me in a wheelchair.

GG

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:

quote:
Originally posted by Yorick:
I'd assassinate a tyrannical dictator.
Are you taking suggestions?

Spoilt for choice.

Posted by The Rogue (# 2275) on :

Highest bidder?

But then you would have no time to spend the money.

Posted by Kitten (# 1179) on :

I would not quit work as I would want my Son to get my work pension and other work related payment due if I die in service, but I would take two weeks holiday, spend a few days in East Anglia visiting relatives then spend the rest of the time left in Wales with my Son and Grandsons

Posted by stonespring (# 15530) on :

I've often thought about this...which is not healthy.

Two questions:

1. How many people in a monogamous relationship would use knowledge of impending unavoidable death to have lots of sex with other people/another person - even if it meant causing their partner great harm or even ending the relationship (even if a divorce cannot be finalized in two weeks)?

2. How many people who believe either in Confession to a priest or absolution through confessing one's sins to God would do something similar to #1 in terms of sinfulness with the hope that God wouldn't have it all in His plan to strike them dead before they get a chance to confess their sins? Doesn't this make the whole idea of confessing one's sins, either privately or two another person, seem problematic?

You might say that confession only leads to real forgiveness from God if it arises from true repentance, which is unlikely if it is planned in advance before you even commit the sin...

However, the RCC conveniently teaches that all you need (if you go to a priest for confession) is a fear of going to Hell as punishment for your mortal sins in order to get the Hell part removed until you commit your next mortal sin. It's not a "perfect act of contrition" (ie, feeling sorry for having offended God above and beyond fear of any punishment), which is enough if you confess to God in private prayer in a pinch where you can't see a priest before death to get you out of going to Hell, but if you have the chance to see a priest, good old fashioned wanting to save your hide (provided you also believe in God, believe in the Church and its ability to forgive sins, believe what you did was sinful, etc.) is enough to avoid eternal Hellfire. The funny thing is, I'm a very strong defender of the need for confession to a priest (although I'm a bit more permissive of the consequences of not doing so).

However, those who believe in what they call "direct" confession of one's sins to God with no need of a priest (eew) would also have to deal with this conundrum., If you plan to sin knowing that you are going to die soon and then repent, how do you make the planned (and therefore insincere) repentance a sincere (or at least effective) one?

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :

Since I don't really trust my family with money, I'd make a will pretty darn fast. But I don't think I'd actually leave anything to my parents or siblings; everything would be left to my nieces and nephews.

I'd also probably spend time writing my parting notes to them, to be read when they turn 15.

Then, I'd put on my walking boots and set off to do the Pennine Way.

Posted by Boogie (# 13538) on :

quote:
Originally posted by stonespring:

1. How many people in a monogamous relationship would use knowledge of impending unavoidable death to have lots of sex with other people/another person - even if it meant causing their partner great harm or even ending the relationship (even if a divorce cannot be finalized in two weeks)?

Vanishingly small numbers, I would suspect. Why are they still with their partners if they are so unhappy in their relationship? No amount of 'convenience' could be worth such misery.

Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :

Give it all away, make sure I tell my friends and family how much I love them, do my route round Wales one more time on my motorbike, smoke Marlboro, got to Mass everyday, go down to the grave with nothing left except the old clothes on my back singing Alleluia Alleluia Alleluia.

Posted by stonespring (# 15530) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:

quote:
Originally posted by stonespring:

1. How many people in a monogamous relationship would use knowledge of impending unavoidable death to have lots of sex with other people/another person - even if it meant causing their partner great harm or even ending the relationship (even if a divorce cannot be finalized in two weeks)?

Vanishingly small numbers, I would suspect. Why are they still with their partners if they are so unhappy in their relationship? No amount of 'convenience' could be worth such misery.

You have a very optimistic view of human nature. Most monogamous relationships that I know are founded on comfort and routine - and even more are now that people start living together earlier and ealier in their relationships and long before marriage (so the marriage is just the continuation of a domestic and financial entanglement). If the relationships you know are truly based on mutual comparability whose occasional problems can be smoothed over by communication, concern for the other, or therapy, you are truly blessed.

Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on :

I'm with Boogie on this one. I'm sure some people feel as you do, stonespring, and there's nothing wrong with feeling that way--even if there is something wrong with doing it--but many of us if we knew we didn't have long, would want to spend that time with those we love the most not frolicking with people we don't really know.

Posted by Heavenly Anarchist (# 13313) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Gwai:
I'm with Boogie on this one. I'm sure some people feel as you do, stonespring, and there's nothing wrong with feeling that way--even if there is something wrong with doing it--but many of us if we knew we didn't have long, would want to spend that time with those we love the most not frolicking with people we don't really know.

Yes, I know I wouldn't want to spend my last days hurting the ones I love. I would want to spend my last days with them as wonderful as possible. I would want to have fun with my children, doing the sort of things we enjoying doing, perhaps walking somewhere interesting. I would eat good food and visit places with wonderful views. I probably wouldn't want to see anyone outside of my immediate family though (my parents are deceased and I am not close to my numerous siblings), I'd just send loving messages to others. That probably sums it up really, I would want my final days to be filled with love so that I could die at peace.

Posted by Jane R (# 331) on :

stonespring:

quote:
Most monogamous relationships that I know are founded on comfort and routine...

Even if you're right (chalk up another one who agrees with Boogie and Gwai), what makes you think that most people who have just been told they've only got two weeks to live would suddenly decide to turn their back on 'comfort and routine' (and the virtual certainty of guilt-tripping their Other Half into having as much sex as is physically possible) in order to go and look for no-holds-barred sex with a complete stranger (with no guarantee that s/he would say yes)? It is at least equally possible that they will want to spend their time with the family and friends they already have, being Wise and Brave and Becoming Reconciled to their Fate and thus ensuring that they will be remembered fondly when they are gone.

I think you're the one who is being absurdly optimistic about human nature. Unless you are very good-looking or very rich (preferably both) you are unlikely to find many strangers willing to spend time with you in your final days. Better hope that you chose your friends wisely and stayed on good terms with your family when you were well, because they're the only ones who will be willing to put up with you when you're dying unless they're being paid.

NB: I am assuming you are talking about sex because you brought up the subject of monogamous relationships. If you weren't, my apologies. But the point still stands.

Posted by Belle Ringer (# 13379) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Anglican't:
I might go and find out what this fuss about hard drugs is all about.

I like it: do something your normal caution prevents.

I would walk away from my messy house, why spent time cleaning and sorting? burn my diaries because no one should know what I thought of them on a bad mood day. walk away from all committees and projects I don't resoundingly enjoy. eat out every meal (taste treats & no cleanup) without concern about cost. yup, New Zealand calls, although given the amount of time in the air and jet lag, the Rockies might do fine.

And give specific personal items to specific friends. Not via will, in person.

In reality, is this a death you are fine with (perhaps welcome) or a shocking unwelcome interruption of all your plans? What you would do differently probably differs.

Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :

Nearly two years ago, I had a cancer diagnosis of the kind that would make you think twice about washing your socks again. I started driving like a raving lunatic, hoping for an opportunity to pay off one or two grudges against the local constabulary. After a few weeks things began to look different, and after a few months, very different. The best approach seemed to be to enjoy life and not make too many very long range plans. Heaven only knows how many more years this will keep going. If someone tells you it's two weeks, don't do anything that a sane and healthy person might have difficulty explaining later.

Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :

Of course the reality is I will slowly lose all my physical and mental faculties and end up in the corner of a huge Common Room. Overprescribed because I am one of the "troublesome ones." Strapped into some half derelict wheel chair with a puddle of piss under it. Staring out of the window onto some dreary car park. I will forget who I am, and who I was, I will cease to worry that no one comes anymore. And this shall be my song; Alleluia Alleluia Alleluia.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

Sounds a lovely, peaceful ending, Pyx_e. I might just join you. (Unless you go to one of those homes for the clergy, of course, then they won't let me in.)

Posted by ExclamationMark (# 14715) on :

Will already written, apart from books already travelling light.

I'd spend the time with my family but I wouldn't neglect to continue to help and support others. In other words, not much change apart from wanting my cat to sit with me more and to be able to breather the fresh air of the fens again and not the fumes of the city.

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :

That'll be me next to you Pyx_e. Not that we'll know.

Posted by Adeodatus (# 4992) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pyx_e:
Of course the reality is I will slowly lose all my physical and mental faculties and end up in the corner of a huge Common Room. Overprescribed because I am one of the "troublesome ones." Strapped into some half derelict wheel chair with a puddle of piss under it. Staring out of the window onto some dreary car park. I will forget who I am, and who I was, I will cease to worry that no one comes anymore. And this shall be my song; Alleluia Alleluia Alleluia.

"Nurse! He's singing alleluia again!..."

Posted by Qoheleth. (# 9265) on :

I'd try really hard to track down a few people to say "I'm sorry" or "Thank you".

Posted by Sparrow (# 2458) on :

Sort out my worldly affairs as far as possible, give away most of my possessions to dear friends and relatives, most of my clothes and furniture etc to the charity shop, update my will.

Then for the last week or so, rent a place in the Lake District with a glorious view of the fells (somewhere in the Langdales would be good) and spend the last week walking as much as possible, with my favourite choral music on the MP3 player, re-reading some of my favourite books in the evening,then when I couldn't walk, sitting in front of the window with the best view with a good bottle of red wine and Mozart playing on the stereo. I might have the BF with me for most of this but would have to send him away on the last day ... don't think he could cope, it would be the second time round for him.

And I would follow the blessed Wainwright with regard to the disposal of my ashes ... except my place of choice would be a point above Stavely which has a glorious view down into the Kentmere valley on one side and right out to the Scafells on the other.

Posted by Ethne Alba (# 5804) on :

Rent a caravan on the edge of water, get in plenty of food and wine, then just hole up with telly and books.......oh and the fella + pets.

Would visitors be allowed? Possibly.

Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Belle Ringer:

I would walk away from my messy house, why spent time cleaning and sorting? burn my diaries because no one should know what I thought of them on a bad mood day. walk away from all committees and projects I don't resoundingly enjoy. eat out every meal (taste treats & no cleanup) without concern about cost...

I'm reminded of John Cleese's account of the inspiration for his 'dead guest' episode of Fawlty Towers. A friend who worked at one of the landmark London hotels told him that dying people were frequent customers - I think two per month was the figure he mentioned. Beyond the factor of spending their last days in luxury with no concern for cost, they know their corpse will be found within hours of departure and promptly attended to. It's a winning situation whether they face dying alone or don't want to be a burden on family - which may solely mean an elderly and frail partner. As with other Fawlty Towers episodes, the one with the late Mr Leeman continues to be shown in hoteliers' training sessions as a preamble to how to handle such a situation purposely and professionally.

[Edit- Small phone, big fingers, stupid auto-correct]

[ 27. January 2015, 05:55: Message edited by: kankucho ]

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :

When I was a kid, an elderly man quietly slipped away to the hereafter during church. He was sitting in the back. The ushers and such noticed, and quietly tended to him; but the service wasn't disrupted, and most people didn't even know.. There was an ambulance, afterwards, and talking among the congregation. But it seemed to me that it wasn't such a bad way to go.

Posted by barrea (# 3211) on :

I'm 87 disabled and just trying to get over depression. I shouldn't even have looked at this thread.

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :

Oh, barrea! Hugs and prayers to you.

Posted by Dal Segno (# 14673) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Sipech:
Since I don't really trust my family with money, I'd make a will pretty darn fast.

That would be something to do now, even without the prompting of two weeks' notice.

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :

{{{{{{{barrea}}}}}}}

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