Thread: UnChristmas Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.


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Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
Chez Firenze is not doing Christmas this year. No tree, no decorations, sending no cards, buying no presents. We'll go to friends' on Christmas day and have a nice - but not especially seasonal - meal.

Early days yet, but I have to say that I am quite liking it - and might very well continue on this course even after the immediate circumstances no longer obtain.

Anyone else Just Not Bothering? Or otherwise opting out of the Norm?
 

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Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
I have to erect and decorate the holiday tree at work. So I said that if anyone wanted to have the tree at home, they had better plan to do the work themselves. There have been no takers.
 

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Posted by Boogie (# 13538) on :
 
Good idea Firenze - I would if I could!


 

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Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
I wonder if what's stopping us is a possibly unfounded belief in others' expectations?

- I must do this because my family expect it

- I suppose we'd better visit, she'll be expecting us

I mean, once you're past the age of expecting Santa to bring you presents, are we all not just engaged in a strenuous charade of what we think others think?
 

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Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :
 
I don't do putting up decorations - I let others do that if they want to. I buy the minimum of presents, and few if any cards.

So I largely opt out, but I join in other peoples Christmases.
 

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Posted by Fineline (# 12143) on :
 
I do this when I spend Christmas at home, though occasionally I spend Christmas with family and so am then part of their Christmassy stuff. There was a time when my dad would always pressure me to come to his house for Christmas, and I would go reluctantly. Then I realised it was because he was worried about my being alone for Christmas - the cultural assumption that it's terrible to be alone for Christmas. That assumption is quite pressurising - because people do always ask how you've spent Christmas, and if you say you spent it alone, they feel sorry for you! So sometimes I would visit family for Christmas purely to avoid being pitied!

But when I realised that my dad was concerned about my being alone, then I explained to him that I prefer being alone, and that I don't like Christmas celebrations and get togethers, and I prefer quiet. He didn't really believe me until I got a diagnosis of Aspergers and then I told him that people on the autism spectrum don't like Christmas - which is a sweeping stereotype of the kind I hate, because everyone is different, and some do like it, of course. But it is a stereotype that is out there, and it does apply to me, and I didn't know what else to say to make him believe me. And it turned out that was just the right thing to say (commonly-held stereotypes are apparently more convincing than my own self-insight!). And now I can have Christmas alone and not celebrate it, and my dad is okay with that, so I don't feel guilty.

I explained I prefer to see him at other times of the year which are not Christmas and are just normal days with no expectations or crowds, and he actually agreed, and then confided in me that he prefers a quiet Christmas alone too - he doesn't mind seeing my sisters and my aunts and uncles, and he has the get-togethers because they are the socially expected thing to do, but he prefers being alone really, same as me.
 

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Posted by Fineline (# 12143) on :
 
I like that there is a thread for this, by the way. It's nice to know I am not the only one, and to not be frowned on!
 

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Posted by Carex (# 9643) on :
 
Our Christmas will be minimal in places. No tree, no presents to put under it. Exterior decorations will likely be a wreath on the door. While some of our neighbors spent hours stringing lights around their houses, if we have any at all it will be a couple electric candles left burning in a high window as a sign of welcome to travelers.

Our families are scattered across the continent. A couple relatives live nearby, and we'll get together for dinner. Another two live ~4 hours away, and one of them might show up (but not both - they don't get along.)

We're happy to host the occasion. In fact, we prefer it that way for a number of reasons: not having to drive home afterwards, the lack of yappy animals underfoot, and the ability to enforce proper sanitation during dish washing make it a more pleasant experience, both during and afterwards.
 

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Posted by Pomona (# 17175) on :
 
Hmm. I do enjoy decorations, a tree etc (I just enjoy decorating generally so it's not a big effort) but certainly prefer to have all that alone. I like seeing people and exchanging gifts, but in the week between Christmas and New Year rather than on the day itself. I prefer to go to a New Year party rather than a Christmas one.

I currently do not live alone and financially may not ever be able to do so - more and more young people have to share houses for longer and longer - and that's quite a stressful thought.
 

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Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
I've spent Christmas alone on several occasions in the past due to a variety of circumstances. But this year I'll probably be spending it alone due to a disagreement between my niece and me over the attention (or, more precisely, the lack thereof) I show toward her children. To be honest, I'm not thrilled about the prospect of being alone on Christmas day this year, but I'll make the best of it.

I haven't sent cards for years. Everyone knows that I'm thinking of them and wishing them the best without the necessity of fattening the coffers of the greeting card industry.

I put a poinsettia out on the porch and a wreath on my door, but other than that there will be no decorations.
 

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Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
There is the creeping commercialisation of Christmas here but, as yet, it is small beer compared to the Major Festivals here like Vishu [April] and Onam [August/September] so it is a lot easier to ignore it all beyond going to Midnight Mass. The day itself will not be marked as particularly special - as I gave both Himself and Herself big pressies for their birthdays this year but stressed they are for Christmas too I only have a few cakes to buy and that will be it. I won't be alone on the day but I won't be doing anything special either.
 

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Posted by Kittyville (# 16106) on :
 
I have a tree, and will send some cards (and enjoy getting the few that I still do), but the day itself I'll spend alone and happily so. A glass of champagne late morning, my choice of what to eat (lamb this year, I think, or possibly fillet of beef), DVDs or reading, as the mood takes me.

I do wonder if this isn't at least partly a reaction to my mother's insistence on "family Christmas" with all in attendance (including siblings' spouses, and their own families' wishes be damned) - until it no longer suited her, when we were allowed to make our own arrangements.
 

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Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
Have never owned decorations of any kind, don't send cards or anything like that. I spend my Christmas travelling around the country, trying to show my face at least once and dishing out a few presents.

It wouldn't be so bad, if it weren't for the fact that the combination of bad weather and engineering works makes travelling anywhere a real pain. Plus, my mother has an edict that no one is allowed to spend Christmas day (as though it's any more special than any other day) by themselves. In order to meet this stipulation, it means having some unnecessary inconvenience immediately either side of the day itself. So this year, Christmas Eve will mostly be spent in the charming environs of Victoria Coach Station.
 

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Posted by Nicodemia (# 4756) on :
 
Read this thread to see what you were all on about. Going now.

I like Christmas, I like my family around me (here or theirs, I don't mind) Mr.N and I spent the last two Christmas days on our own, and it was HORRID.

But don't like Christmas creep or commercialisation. Just ignore that.
 

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Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
Ah, the Christmas travelling... I can remember some journeys would have had even the Magi turning back.
 

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Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
I usually have a low-key Christmas - decorations consist mostly of received cards strung across the saloon of my houseboat - and my family are not a rapacious present-coveting lot! All the ghastly commercialisation simply passes me by (though I like the current trend to have blue lights on houses - a suitable colour for Advent).

I do enjoy the Christmas services at Our Place - mostly fairly traditional - and the free dinner for needy/lonely peeps held after the Christmas morning Family Mass.

Alas, a sudden onset of illness (probably long-term) which prevents me from driving means that I will not be able to take any part in our worship and activities (and I may be in hospital anyway). Never mind - there is a lively little MOTR church in my village, within easy walking distance, so I may have a chance to try it out again (haven't been to a service there for yonks).

Christmas Day may well be spent alone, but that suits me fine. It'll be nice and peaceful, and I can listen to what carols/Christmas music I like on CDs or the radio!

I.
 

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Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I have sort of planned by Christmas Day musical entertainment - Verdi's Falstaff - a fairly fun little number and really not at all Christmassy.
 

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Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
I have a tree with fairy lights - I love Christmas decorations, they brighten up dull winter days and dark evenings - but that's about it so far.

There was a time years ago when I hated spending Christmas alone, and felt utterly miserable - it made me feel that I'd totally failed in life - but now I quite enjoy the peace and quiet of a low-key Christmas. I don't have to eat stodgy food I don't enjoy, watch TV in a stuffy room, pacify anybody, or wear clothes I don't want to wear. I'm not going to be disturbed (I hope) and with no public transport running I won't feel obliged to travel anywhere. I can legitimately catch up on reading and DVDs, and not feel that I ought to be doing something else.

One year I had spaghetti bolognaise for Christmas lunch, another year it was a prawn curry. It was what I wanted. This year it may well be roast duck in plum sauce with fried rice.
 

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Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
I'm afraid I'm the wrong person for this thread - I really rather enjoy the whole social bit of Christmas, but I can understand people who don't.

The complicated choreography of family doesn't apply to us, as D's work means that Christmas is a working day*, so we haven't spent Christmas with family for many years. While a part of me would love to be with my sister and her mob (who always sound very jolly when we phone them), I'm happy for us to do what we do - church in the morning, pressies and GIN when we get home, and traditional Christmas dinner with friends in the choir in the evening.

* If we had a pound for every time D's been asked "are you going home for Christmas?" (he hasn't been "home" for Christmas for about 40 years) we could retire ...
 

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Posted by M. (# 3291) on :
 
Ah, Christmas travelling! We once had crisps as Christmas lunch, in a motorway services car park.

However, church in the am, then just the 2 of us, a bottle or so of something or somethings, a rib of beef, crackers and Christmas pud, then the Queen and Doctor Who.

What's un-Christmassy about that? Lovely!

M.
 

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Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :
 
Confession: I sometimes yearn for a Christmas alone. I would seriously love it - for at least half a day, anyway, but then I would probably feel the need to go and serve at some community function, unless I was physically unable to do so.

What would I do if I COULD have Christmas all to myself?
Midnight mass, a lit candle in a window and lots of reading, I think. Maybe watch all of Anne of Green Gables or some other marathon that takes a big chunk of dedicated time with no interruptions. And a very long nanna nap.

The down side would be the phone calls that would probably torpedo this daydream of mine unless I made sure all the phones were offline for the day too!
 

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Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I think I recall rightly that Quentin Crisp's perfect Christmas included the phone off the hook, along with a locked door, ignoring the bell and GIN.

[How many years is it now since phones actually had hooks?]
 

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Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
These days one can simply unplug the phone line, but otherwise I think QC has it right!

Hah Bumhug, as they say.

I.
 

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Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Welease Woderwick:
I think I recall rightly that Quentin Crisp's perfect Christmas included the phone off the hook, along with a locked door, ignoring the bell and GIN.

[How many years is it now since phones actually had hooks?]

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In his latter (ie post fourth marriage) years Jeffrey Bernard used to have Christmas Lunch at The Dorchester. He found that their burger and chips, with side salad and a bottled of champagne made a fine festive dinner.

I think JB had a good idea there.
 

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Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
It's years since I had a Christmas in my own home - the decorations stay in the box, as I often don't hit the home base until well after New Year, by which time it seems a bit late.

But I do enjoy it, on the whole. One day I hope to host Christmas for friends, but who knows when that will happen?
 

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Posted by Abigail (# 1672) on :
 
Other than going to church on Christmas morning I usually spend the whole of Christmas Day and Boxing Day on my own. I have no close family and no friends that I can spend Christmas with. On the whole I prefer it that way.

I don't buy or receive any presents - except for Secret Santa at work - and I only send a handful of cards, so all the talk about Christmas shopping and being too busy and the stress of visiting family that i hear all around me just isn't an issue for me.

I find the whole Christmas period difficult for lots of reasons. For the last 15 or so years a cloud of dread seems to descend on me around Christmas and (especially) New Year but spending the actual day on my own is pretty much OK usually.
 

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Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
I used to get that feeling of foreboding in the run-up to Christmas, but after checking with my Dad, we agreed that it was probably a hangover from my mother's death, which happened early in the New Year. Apparently Hiroshima survivors have a similar, but probably much worse, feeling as August approaches. Winter being a time when the old, the young and the fragile die, it's not surprising that there's a sense of impending calamity about the season.
 

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Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
Mind you 'A green Christmas is a full churchyard' as my grandmother used to say. Frequently.

Maybe it is, as Donne says both the year's and the day's deep midnight.

It is entirely proper to be affected by the death or dwindling of everything we live by - flowers, leaves, colour, heat, light. I am enough of a pagan to feel the Solstice really is a Thing.

Part of the unChristmas might just be the space to acknowledge things this year has irrevocably taken away - but then to see the return, if not of hope (that's over), but of peace.
 

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Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on :
 
A benefit of being one of the longer-term employees of the office: last night I Did Not Go™ to the office Christmas party. A couple of people commented on this and I told them straight up that it was because I didn’t want to. It felt good.
 

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Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I tried that one year but failed ignominiously - my boss could be very directive at times!
 

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Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
Very true. If there is one thing reconciling me to the grave above all else, it's not having to go to the office Christmas party. That, and not having to cook or eat turkey.
 

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Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
There's absolutely nothing to stop you eating Something That Isn't Turkey™ - if it was my choice, I'd much rather have venison. Or beef, or lamb, or chicken ...
 

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Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
Nothing does stop me. The point was the Office Christmas Dinner so often was mass catering turkey...
 

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Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
Just to add that both Mr F and I are enjoying the unStress of not buying each other presents.
 

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Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Firenze:
... the Office Christmas Dinner so often was mass catering turkey...

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quote:

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Originally posted by Beenster:
I'll be convalescing from surgery. Just a few tweaks to my sinuses but I don't know how I will feel

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If my experience is anything to go by, fine - once they take the several yards of cotton wool out of your nose.

You may be instructed to inhale steam, which is quite pleasant, particularly if you put a few drops of essential oils in the water.

In fact, I may go and snort some peppermint and lavender later just for the fun of it.
 

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Posted by Beenster (# 242) on :
 
Thanks Firenze, I was rather hoping I would skip out looking like Emma Watson but I somehow doubt it. I've underplayed it a tad, I need a septorhinoplasty along with a drainage of a cyst in my sinuses. I've got a stack of gin which will aid recovery along with arnica for bruising and other homeopathic remedies.
 

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Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
Best of luck, Beenster. Thirty years ago I had a deviated septum op, and the breathing holes at the back of the nose were enlarged. The results were only supposed to last for twenty years, but the improvement is still there. May you have as good a result, after the first three days of thinking you'll suffocate every time you try to swallow, and of course the removal of what feels like a mile of continuous Tampax from the site of operations. It's really worth doing.
 

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Posted by Beenster (# 242) on :
 
Thanks ! I'm just being a bit high maintenance about it all. I need to get over myself :-)
 

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Posted by Fineline (# 12143) on :
 
Hope it goes okay, Beenster. I have an option of getting some surgery on my septum and my turbinates and nasal valves to help me breathe better, and it sounds like very good surgery, but I'm a wimp about such things, so I've opted not to have it. I'd be high maintenance about it if I were going to have it too! :-)
 

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Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Being high maintenance about anything like knives or needles or dentists is perfectly okay with me - at the moment Herself is having daily injections and even somebody else having stuff done makes me cringe!
 

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Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Beenster:
... I need to get over myself :-)

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Indeed you do not - your health (and that of your septo-rhino-whatsits) is very important.

Hope it all goes well.
 

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Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :
 
My knee is getting better 3 or 4 months ago I fell down the steps and hurt my knee and it is s-l-o-w-l-y getting better. The physio visit was painful, but when I was upright and walking home afterwards it didn't hurt.

Beenster, be kind to yourself. As Wodders said anything with sharp, pointy things is horrible. I think that discomfort in any part of the head feels worse because it's harder to separate from it.

Huia

Copied over to Aches and Pains thread where it belongs.

Edited by Lothlorien AS Host.

[ 14. December 2015, 06:42: Message edited by: Lothlorien ]
 

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Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :
 
Sorry I thought I was on the Aches and Pains thread.
 

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Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Meanwhile, back at the loneliest time of the year for some of us . . .

A local church recently put on a service called "Blue Christmas." Quoting from their website:

quote:

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For some, Christmas Day is the most difficult. . . . [W]e invite you to reflect on the pain, loneliness, anxiety or sadness you may feel. With words of lament, prayer, moments of silence, and reflective music, we will acknowledge the pain in our world and seek God’s presence and healing. . . . [Y]ou will find hope and comfort in knowing that you are not alone.

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quote:

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For some, Christmas Day is the most difficult. . . . [W]e invite you to reflect on the pain, loneliness, anxiety or sadness you may feel. With words of lament, prayer, moments of silence, and reflective music, we will acknowledge the pain in our world and seek God’s presence and healing. . . . [Y]ou will find hope and comfort in knowing that you are not alone.

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YMMV, and it probably works for some, but the last thing I'd want to do on Christmas Day is focus on being miserable.
 

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Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
TBF, the service is being held before Christmas - presumably so's you can get the feeling miserable over early, and possibly be that bit less morose on The Day.

I have been facilitating others' preparation (through the power invested in me by a Costco card) without feeling the need to provision the house as for the Siege of Stalingrad. My big food extravagance today was a string of genuine Breton onions.
 

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Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
Glad to hear it went well, Beenster - here's to a speedy recovery.
 

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Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
Here it is, UnChristmas Day.

For all of us who, by choice or necessity, are observing an unfestivity, I hope this midwinter brings what you most need. Peace, strength, comfort, pleasure.

Where can we live but days?

Days: Philip Larkin
 

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Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
Lemon chicken, prawns in chilli sauce and rice done, red bean paste cakes and pandan cake at hand. I'm embarking on a clear-out and tidy-up, but interspersed with periods of flopping on the couch watching television, which I don't normally do and am rather enjoying.

I can't say I feel Christmassy. It just feels like a rather quiet bank holiday and just as well everything is closed and it's pouring with rain, I barely have the energy to move around at the moment.
 

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Posted by David Goode (# 9224) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Piglet:
There's absolutely nothing to stop you eating Something That Isn't Turkey™ - if it was my choice, I'd much rather have venison. Or beef, or lamb, or chicken ...

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quote:

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Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:
We did have Christmas lunch. But it was venison, as per the last few years (occasionally in the past we have had pheasant or beef).

It came from an ordinary local butcher: lovely textured, just the right amount of flavour (not to gamey, not too bland). I larded it with streaky bacon to cook it - delicious.

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Sounds great. All round to yours next Christmas, then!

We've got two friends coming for lunch, an American Roman Catholic and a Malaysian Muslim. I'm about to get started on the prep for beef panang with water chestnuts, rice, and a nice spicy, peanuty salad.
 

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Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
I see we seem to have gone from unChristmas (atypical, unfestive, maybe a little bit sad) to, well, Christmas...

Inevitable, I suppose.
 

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Posted by Fineline (# 12143) on :
 
I had a proper unChristmas. I stayed at home and did some drawing on an iPad app I downloaded, and I completely forgot it was Christmas day until my dad phoned me to wish me Merry Christmas and ask what I was eating. I wasn't feeling hungry, so I didn't eat till evening and just had some fruit and a salad and some toast.
 

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Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
That sounds great! A perfect Christmas in my book.
 

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Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
I got through it without contact with the nieces and nephews and grand-nieces and grand-nephews -- who don't really know me, aren't interested in anything I am interested in, and to whom I am happy to reciprocate in kind. Their parents are wealthy, they have everything they want, and so are impossible to shop for anyway.

It was bliss!

Christmas Eve dinner at my sister's house, then church, then Christmas Day visit to my father in the nursing home -- brought him some ice cream (which he loves) and extra bowls and spoons so he could share with his table-mates in the dining room.
 

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Posted by UKCanuck (# 10780) on :
 
I haven't 'done' Christmas for several years. It must be at least 15 years ago that I stopped sending Christmas cards. By 10 years ago the only decoration was the Christmas tree and that went by the wayside just two or three years later.

I've spent the last 5 Christmases on my own and loved each and every minute of them. I get up when I want. I cook and eat what I want. I listen to whatever music I want. I have no telly to foist its faux brand of celebration on me.

This year I wasn't in the mood to cook on Christmas Day so I had a cheese sandwich and cooked the chicken on Boxing Day. No cooking yesterday, either. Today it's been chicken soup and oat cakes.

Ah. Peace and quiet. Books and music. Nothing better.
 

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Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
It sounds like bliss to me!
 

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Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
I don't really do Christmas either. Never do turkey, didn't bother with Christmas pudding, did go to church, albeit somewhat limited in choice did find a pretty walk in the afternoon. Christmas dinner was a tapas selection with salad followed by dates and nuts (mostly because I couldn't be bothered to fight my way into the hostel kitchen past the tour to cook).

[ 31. December 2015, 09:46: Message edited by: Curiosity killed ... ]
 

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