Ship of Fools: Hell Denizen of the Year

Thread: Hell Denizen of the Year Board: The Simmies 2009 / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by Simon (# 1) on :

Who has the right amount of brimstone in the blood? Who is a credit to th'Infernal Regions? Which shipmate has what it takes to be called the perfect denizen of Hell? Help us find the top fiend of the year... nominate here!

When nominating on this thread, please follow the format shown in the next post. If you don't have all the info you need to complete the nomination fields, you're not yet ready to nominate. Just make a regular post asking for the help of others in finding what you're looking for.

How to find out the URL for an individual post: go to the post and find the tiny page icon which is just to the left of the date (at the top of the post). Right-click the icon (or on a Mac, control-click it) and select "copy link" from the dropdown menu. You can now paste the link URL into your nomination.

Please note: Your nomination post should simply contain your nomination and nothing else.

Posted by Simon (# 1) on :

NOMINATION

I nominate: Shipmate's board name

For: Hell Denizen of the Year

Denizen's best Hell post: Insert clickable link to your favourite Hell post by the Denizen here

My reasons for nominating: Your comments in full here

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

I can't help wondering whether this hasn't got underway yet because there is such an obvious candidate. Namely: RooK.

NOMINATION

I nominate: RooK

For: Hell Denizen of the Year

Denizen's best Hell post: (where to start?) Here's one example

Reason for posting: "I'll tell you why; because most of you are tedious lemmings who insist on trying to weigh him down by throwing yourselves into his vapid maw and dogpiling on his tonsils. You're a fucking useleless lot, and I wish you would all spontaneously combust (in a controlled manner, so as to provide useful power generation)" is so much more creative than 'Do not feed the Troll' which is what most posters would have said. RooK is so comfortable in Hell it makes you wonder whether he would be at home anywhere else.

Can any of you come up with a better candidate for this illustrious award?

Posted by SeraphimSarov (# 4335) on :

yeah, Rook is a little bitch

Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on :

That is indeed why I hadn't posted. Rook wasn't a valid nominee before but he was far and away the right pick, in my opinion.

Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :

I certainly agree about RooK, but isn't he disqualified by his Hostliness? Or did I miss something?

Posted by Flausa (# 3466) on :

Red carpet gown on

jedijudy, one of the rules that has been added (or tweaked) now states "that everyone, including the Hosts and Admins, can now nominate and be nominated."

Red carpet gown off

Posted by PeteC (# 10422) on :

Yeah, jj, the rules changed while you were sleeping. Literally. So nominate away!

Personally, I'd go for someone who spends a lot of involuntary time in Hell. But so many choices, so little time!

Posted by Josephine (# 3899) on :

NOMINATION

I nominate: Sine Nomine

For: Hell Denizen of the Year

Denizen's best Hell post: That's rather like trying to identify the best note in a song, or the best step in a dance. You need to see the whole to appreciate the artistry.

Reason for posting: While other Denizens choose a rusty farm implement or a sledge hammer or machete to hack and bludgeon trollish and unpleasant shipmates, Sine uses a laser scalpel. He can see the exact spot where the unpleasantness needs to be lanced in order to allow the bloated ego or the festering self-justifications drain and heal.

His posts in Hell are consistent examples of the fine art of disemboweling with courtesy, grace, and apparent humility. My maternal grandmother was a practitioner of the art. I never thought I'd ever meet her like -- but that was before I encountered Sine.

Posted by Simon (# 1) on :

Hosting

Thanks, Josephine. It would still be good to have a sample post to show what you mean, though. Can you supply one, please? Thanks!

Posted by Josephine (# 3899) on :

Okay, let's try this one, a response to his nomination in an unauthorized competition something like the Simmies:

quote:
While I was hoping for ‘Ship's AARP hottie’ I suppose 'urbane' is better than nothing although it makes me feel like Clifton Webb - who is not particularly a big role model of mine. But there you go.

However...this is a subject that interests me. You can't play unless you post enough to be 'known'. So your major players are either unemployed or they are stealing time from their employer to post at work and/or come home in the evening and spend a good chunk of their leisure time online. So these major players are either thieves or have no home life or much in the way of real-life relationships that need to be nurtured. (A quick glance at the gallery may suggest why.) Yet they are seeking status and approval from other thieves and losers.

Oh well.

Just sign me...
Sine Nomine
‘Thief & Loser’

Or, this one, from the same thread:

quote:
Of course one person's 'destructive' can be another person's 'unrestful'. You just never quite know. You also have to consider by whom you're being 'respected' - The sheep or the goats. Being the idol of the sheep may not be everyone's goal. However it is a very comfortable place to be.

The voice crying in the wilderness is almost always unpopular. Sometimes because the voice is truly prophetic and afflicting the comfortable; sometimes because the voice is just an annoying asshole - like the drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet.

(Of course the leaky faucets are generally convinced they are great prophets. We don't always see ourselves as others see us. I know I don't. I'm kinda scared to actually. It would be like hearing my voice on an answering machine - what a fag.)

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 66) on :

quote:
It would still be good to have a sample post to show what you mean, though. Can you supply one, please?

Oh no, please. I mean I just couldn't go up against RooK for Denizen of the Year. It wouldn't be right. After all, it's his whole life.

Posted by The Bede's American Successor (# 5042) on :

quote:
Originally posted by SeraphimSarov:
yeah, Rook is a little bitch

RooK provided the proof that he is a bitch (using my video camera). Actually, "my bitch" (at least that day) would be the correct term. But, he is at least as tall as I am, so I'm so sure about the use of the term "little."

Do you have some other knowledge of RooK?

Posted by KenWritez (# 3238) on :

To help people with their decisions, I offer this brief but oh-so-handy guide:

In terms of posting, RooK is George Foreman, a pure puncher; brutal but not a brute, immensely strong, a man of drive, ambition, talent, intelligence, with a simple style but only fools and the ignorant see him as simplistic, a bone-breaker with every smash.

Sine is akin to Sugar Ray Leonard: Blindingly fast, a master of technique, possessed of a surgeon's precision, a poster of pure finesse, with an indomitable will concealed under an often amiable exterior. Stylish, to boot!

The two are opposite faces of the same coin, so one is not "better" than the other. They take opposite paths to achieve similar ends.

[ 17. December 2008, 22:27: Message edited by: KenWritez ]

Posted by Nightlamp (# 266) on :

I think RooK has gone all fluffy bunny in the last year so for me it is Sine.

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :

You're going to throw Sine in the ring with me? Way to ruin my plan to threaten to eat the competition.

Posted by Bullfrog. (# 11014) on :

quote:
Originally posted by KenWritez:
To help people with their decisions, I offer this brief but oh-so-handy guide:

In terms of posting, RooK is George Foreman, a pure puncher; brutal but not a brute, immensely strong, a man of drive, ambition, talent, intelligence, with a simple style but only fools and the ignorant see him as simplistic, a bone-breaker with every smash.

Sine is akin to Sugar Ray Leonard: Blindingly fast, a master of technique, possessed of a surgeon's precision, a poster of pure finesse, with an indomitable will concealed under an often amiable exterior. Stylish, to boot!

The two are opposite faces of the same coin, so one is not "better" than the other. They take opposite paths to achieve similar ends.

And just to complete the pattern, is there a Muhammad Ali? Surely, hell would not be the same without its dopes on ropes.

Posted by Pooks (# 11425) on :

Ken has forgotten to mention the nick-names that boxers usually adopt to strike fear into their opponents heart.

My own suggestion would be:

Sine as a sidewinder. For reasons that Ken has already stated.

Rook is more difficult to fathom. He is somewhat above the denizen of Hell, more like the Prince of Brimstone.

Any other suggestions?

Posted by The Bede's American Successor (# 5042) on :

quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
Way to ruin my plan to threaten to eat the competition.

I'm sure that could be arranged. [Biased]

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :

No doubt, Bede. But I fear that it would lack the ghoulish ominousness I was planning, and instead more likely entail rug burns.

Posted by KenWritez (# 3238) on :

In David Mamet's incredible script for the movie The Verdict, Paul Newman called James Mason "The Prince of Fucking Darkness."

Sounds RooKish to me.

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

quote:
Originally posted by KenWritez:
"The Prince of Fucking Darkness."

Which takes practice: first, there's Chatting Up Darkness - Hello Darkness my old friend - then getting it to lower its guard - through a glass darkly - and then, when it's all over, you discover the unfortunate consequences - darkling thrush.

[ 18. December 2008, 11:02: Message edited by: Firenze ]

Posted by Pooks (# 11425) on :

quote:
Originally posted by KenWritez:
In David Mamet's incredible script for the movie The Verdict, Paul Newman called James Mason "The Prince of Fucking Darkness."

Sounds RooKish to me.

Heh, I see that adding the 'F' word makes a difference. 'The Prince of Darkness' did come to mind for Rook, but the image of Ozzie Osbourne kept polluting the purity of that concept. Now it's fixed by simply adding one word. [Overused]

Posted by The Bede's American Successor (# 5042) on :

quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
No doubt, Bede. But I fear that it would lack the ghoulish ominousness I was planning, and instead more likely entail rug burns.

Are you saying this wouldn't be ghoulish for you?

Posted by Nightlamp (# 266) on :

In the 'good old' days RooK found the limit to hell but in the last year he is warm and fuzzy and throws in the odd swear word for forms sake.

Posted by eeGAD (# 4675) on :

When I read this category two names came to mind. RooK and Sine. Clearly this will be a tight race.

RooK's jibes in Hell make me say "Ouch!" and pity the object of his scorn, when I read them.

Sine's make me say "Ouch!" and then laugh his prey.

It's a subtle difference, and mostly depends on which flavor you prefer.

eeG

Posted by The Bede's American Successor (# 5042) on :

quote:
Originally posted by The Bede's American Successor:

quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
No doubt, Bede. But I fear that it would lack the ghoulish ominousness I was planning, and instead more likely entail rug burns.
Are you saying this wouldn't be ghoulish for you?

Just to be clear, I was thinking of ominous use of of ice cream forks for the dessert après-dinner.

Posted by comet (# 10353) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Nightlamp:
In the 'good old' days RooK found the limit to hell but in the last year he is warm and fuzzy and throws in the odd swear word for forms sake.

and back in your day the Hosts had to walk to their boards in the snow uphill both ways, huh?

Posted by Robert Armin (# 182) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:

quote:
It would still be good to have a sample post to show what you mean, though. Can you supply one, please?
Oh no, please. I mean I just couldn't go up against RooK for Denizen of the Year. It wouldn't be right. After all, it's his whole life.

This alone justifies Sine's nomination.

Posted by Nightlamp (# 266) on :

quote:
Originally posted by comet:

quote:
Originally posted by Nightlamp:
In the 'good old' days RooK found the limit to hell but in the last year he is warm and fuzzy and throws in the odd swear word for forms sake.
and back in your day the Hosts had to walk to their boards in the snow uphill both ways, huh?

Very true except the snow was 2 metres deep.

[ 18. December 2008, 19:48: Message edited by: Nightlamp ]

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :

Rook has mellowed with marriage.

Sine seems to channel Oscar Wilde, (but without the wife, kids and rent boys).

I would support Sine for this one, but I think he maybe a shoe-in for wit of the year too.

Which makes makes me wonder about another nominee entirely, I give you ....

Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on :

herpes?

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :

NOMINATION

I nominate: Gort

For: Hell Denizen of the Year

Denizen's best Hell post: Properly hellish prophecy of doom.

My reason's for nominating: For his 204 posts currently in Hell. He is a true denizen, as you know he will always be in the pit, like the house robots on Robotwars - stray into his territory and you'll know about it. He does wit, scathing and bizarre anecdotiness, he's our very own Bender.

Posted by Gort (# 6855) on :

[Waterworks]

Oh my! Thank you very much! I can't believe you went to all that trouble!

I'd like to thank all the little people in Hell who have made it possible for this august nomination - but they don't deserve the recognition.

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Nightlamp:
In the 'good old' days RooK found the limit to hell but in the last year he is warm and fuzzy and throws in the odd swear word for forms sake.

You know, being forced to apologize to the whole board isn't as much fun as you make it sound. And these laurels are damn comfy, too.

But it is probably true that my impending fatherhood is thinning the venom in my fangs. Maybe that will change once I'm lacking sleep and changing diapers and looking for ways to vent.

Posted by Gort (# 6855) on :

OMG. There's to be a Spawn of RooK? Congratulations, but don't think you can play the sympathy card to win votes. One must remain hardcore to be worthy.

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

Congrats, RooK!

Be sure when you feed, burp, and change diapers, also remember to trim his tiny claws.

Posted by leo (# 1458) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Gort:
OMG. There's to be a Spawn of RooK? Congratulations, but don't think you can play the sympathy card to win votes. One must remain hardcore to be worthy.

Just don't call it 'Spawn' - it has certain connotations with a well-known shipmate.

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Gort:
One must remain hardcore to be worthy.

So you're saying that it would be bad to admit that we've nicknamed it "the Peanut"?

Posted by The Bede's American Successor (# 5042) on :

quote:
Originally posted by RooK:

quote:
Originally posted by Gort:
One must remain hardcore to be worthy.
So you're saying that it would be bad to admit that we've nicknamed it "the Peanut"?

Not if you are planning on visiting the elephants at the zoo.

It does mean the baby shower needs to be here.

Posted by Gort (# 6855) on :

quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
So you're saying that it would be bad to admit that we've nicknamed it "the Peanut"?

No, no! That would certainly win the hearts and minds of those who avoid Hell.

["Peanut Castle" *teehee*]

Posted by Redolent Spilogale Putorius (# 8783) on :

Peanut RooK Swampcreature, I baptize you in the name of...
Nope. Doesn't work for me!

Posted by Patrick the less saintly (# 14355) on :

Although it will come as no surprise
to any,
I nominate Dos
for
Hell
denizen
of
the
year

My justification for this
is clearly written out here in Black and White
and in all
other posts.

I know that this
is encouraging him, but he
clearly deserves it for
his amusing
bigotry and creative
veracity.
Not to
mention
his
ec
cen
tric f
ormating.

Posted by Nightlamp (# 266) on :

quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
Maybe that will change once I'm lacking sleep and changing diapers and looking for ways to vent.

I could imagine that since it happened to me. I found venting in hell far more helpful than venting in real life.

Posted by Geneviève (# 9098) on :

Patrick, please! DoS is a snotnosed kindergartner in comparison to the talents of RooK and Sine.

Posted by Gort (# 6855) on :

Not into that "forgiveness" thing, Geneviève?

Patrick's only been here just this month.

Posted by Geneviève (# 9098) on :

Nothing to do with forgiveness, sweetie! DoS just isn't in the class of the other two contestants.

ETA: oops [Hot and Hormonal]

, I had gotten so focused on the funny posts about the two of them that I left you out. DoS is not up to your class either. You are way ahead of him as well.

[ 20. December 2008, 18:05: Message edited by: Geneviève ]

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