Thread: Hell: Blast of the Trump Against the Monstrous English Regiment of Evangelical Basher Board: Limbo / Ship of Fools.


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Posted by scyndan heofon-cyning (# 2943) on :
 
For a person accustomed to talking about/with Evangelicals and Christians in the US, it's an odd experience reading all the stuff here coming from an assumed English/COE perspective. It all translates pretty well, just slightly out of phase.

And I realize that you're all way more fucked up than we are. I'm a student of early modern English this and that, so I'm often cognizant of the mess of the English church back at its inception. I rarely think about it as it is today at any length except that it's bizarre and clearly going down the crapper. (Which probably means death, rebirth, and survival--such is the nature of most big cultural institutions.)

I also recall finishing my undergrad years and staying in Oxford one summer. Made the mistake of going to some InterVarsity-like event with a Catholic friend. Basically it was a pack of fundamentalists who didn't know shit about their own religious and national past. ALso, they didn't like Catholics. It blew me away. I thought only American Evangelical-Fundamentalists were that stupid. Guess not.

Perhaps the constant bitching about obvious stupidity going down the crapper is rather like a contented turd floating at a distance in the swirl, thinking it's not going to go down, but then...yeah!...it does right at the end with the last gurgle, its trim little tail whisked down the pipe. (An especially common phenomena with English plumbing. Actually flushing twice is the rule, not the exception. Or maybe I just crap bigger 'n you.)

So is there a progressive, prescriptive, less insular faction around these parts?

[ 12. September 2003, 18:58: Message edited by: Erin ]
 

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Posted by sakura (# 1449) on :
 
Yes there is. A large one.

But I don't know if your opening post will bring them out in droves smiling and happy to see you.

Many of them (and I am one) actually quite like, for all its faults, the church you describe as 'bizarre and going down the crapper.'

So welcome - and good luck with that argument about the 'obvious stupidity' of the Anglican church.
 

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Posted by scyndan heofon-cyning (# 2943) on :
 
"Yes there is. A large one."

Someone needs to post a sign. Been wading in the muck for hours. Another good sign at the front would indicate the prevalence of Anglocentric wieners. Or is it "whienghers" over there on the isle of the backwards?

"But I don't know if your opening post will bring them out in droves smiling and happy to see you."

Jeez, a Barney-like welcome. I prefer machine guns blazing. Might be compensation for the time I've wasted if it's wittily rebarbative.

The "obvious stupidity" remark is in my honest opinion the most defensible and least interesting.
 

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Posted by Ender's Shadow (# 2272) on :
 
The English word is 'whine' - which the OED informs me is from the Old English 'hwinan'. But I guess the German presence in Wisconsin has corrupted the language from the pristine state we gave it to you.

I'm interested at your comments about a time at Oxford - when I was an undergraduate there some 20 years ago, the OICCU had moved on from knee jerk anti Catholicism, and I have learnt much from that tradition. It was far more negative about liberals, though given the presence of the Martyr's Memorial in Oxford, we do have grounds for a certain anti-Catholicism, at least in its historical behaviour.
 

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Posted by Arietty (# 45) on :
 

quote:

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And I realize that you're all way more fucked up than we are.

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Could you define who 'you' and 'we' are in this statement?

Is it a nationalistic statement - in which case, do you mean just the English, or are you extending it to the rest of the British Isles - or are you merely dismissing my church rather than my whole country?
 

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Posted by sakura (# 1449) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by scyndan heofon-cyning:


The "obvious stupidity" remark is in my honest opinion the most defensible and least interesting.

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quote:

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Been wading in the muck for hours.

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quote:

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Or is it "whienghers" over there on the isle of the backwards?

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Actually, like many other shipmates, I am not from England, I'm from the New World just like you, dear, though a different part of it from you. I don't have the stats on this - a host may - but to the extent that there is a "anglocentric" focus it may be explained by the percentage of shipmates who hail from those parts.
 

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Posted by Wood (# 7) on :
 
"Isle of the backwards", my arse.

I'm not from England, either.
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
Well, Edward was accused of being biased towards Evangelicals after several bad experiences. But you (how do you pronounce that name?) seem to base all your prejudice on one visit to a University CU!

There are far more young people in CUs than any other age group and like all young people (including myself way back in the mists of time!) need to try things out and examine our faith. Later on we might admit we got some things wrong. But you cannot judge the whole of the English Church on one experience at a CU meeting!
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
And how come you have an avatar - I thought they were not given out to apprentices until they proved they could be polite! Very 'cyning' indeed........ I see from your profile that you are a provocateur - well you certainly have stirred up a hornet's nest here
 

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Posted by Sean the Spaceman (# 2271) on :
 
Thank you for those lovely toilet metaphors

I'd like to let you know that the Oxford Christian Union (OICCU) is now the enlightened home of warm and loving Christian unity but I did hear the other day that they were thinking of putting on an event about whether Catholics were real Christians. When I turned purple and started foaming at the mouth I think the person who told me this worked out I wouldn't be overly keen on such an idea. [At last, a chance to use a vomming smilie!!]

Sadly, in other words, the British quasi-fundamentalists are still going just as strong as in your day.

But at the end of the day, Scyndan, I think I prefer the method of trying to change it from within. We're not all like that - how'd you like it if I assumed you were just like Jerry Falwell or George W just because of the country you hail from?

"So is there a progressive, prescriptive, less insular faction around these parts?"

I'm not sure if you'd want it to be both progressive and prescriptive, but yes, it's here, it just tends to get mixed up in all the other stuff...
 

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Posted by Wood (# 7) on :
 
scyndan heofon-cyning.

In some ways it's kind of refreshing to see an American giving us British (British - not English, thank you very much. There are other countries in Great Britain apart from England. Or had you not got that far in your 'English History' textbook?) the kind of treatment that Brits give Americans.

Thing is, right, the accusations of stupidity, the claims of political naïveté, the crass generalisations about a nation based on a single experience of the one group which is widely regarded as one of the most conservative and extreme university groups in England...

They're a pile of bollocks.

Now if I were to come in here with one of my first posts, scundyn hfrnoon-cyntly, and display that attitude against *any* national group... they'd leave here with a charred demeanour, a couple extra orifices, and a footprint in their arse.

You appear to think that the Christian church in the UK is composed entirely of either these evo-bashing jerks (did you even read that last thread I started?) or mad "fundies" (God, I hate that word) - yeah, there are some, but so what? It's not like they're the majority or anything).

quote:

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Posted by slrfhn hedfrck-cluffish:
So is there a progressive, prescriptive, less insular faction around these parts?

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Have you even looked at the main site? Have you absorbed the idea of 'Christian Unrest'? Small Fire? Any of the other columns? The Palestine Monitor?

Do you get sarcasm? (I posted a helpful link to the dictionary definition of the word on my other 'evo-bashing' thread. Since you're obviously of awesome intellignece and discernment, I'll let you find it yourself.)

Pay attention, moron. I may be asking questions later.
 

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Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :
 

 

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Posted by sakura (# 1449) on :
 
Wittily rebarbative enough for you so far, scundyn?

(PS. For 'England' in my last post, read 'Great Britain'. Sorry, Wood. )
 

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Posted by frin (# 9) on :
 
cyning - as in King. Heofon as in heaven.

Cunning indeed. You aren't doing your homework today, Chorister.

Moreover, all users can set an avatar through their profile. Only Shipmates can ask for a custom avatar. See the custom avatar link on the front page of the boards.

'frin
 

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Posted by Nightlamp (# 266) on :
 
Golly gosh, well colour me purple with envy I do so want to join scyndan heofon-cyning's church. I so want to learn how he comes up with such incisive knowledge of the English church after such a brief stay here.

The way you expresses yourself is such an advert for theological depth, your knowledge from your studies shows how much superior you are to us who are part of the English church.
 

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Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :
 
Well, there's been some nice Hellish style here - I'd give S H-C points because his post made me laugh (then again any mention of floating poo makes me laugh 'cos I'm a simple aussie soul) even though I don't know what he is talking about.

S H-C, is it evos, fundies, evo-bashers, liberals, the world-wide Anglican Communion, the Anglican Church in Britain, Britain, pommies, or what, that you are having a go at?

Beaut little riposte there by Ender's Shadow, and a fairly restrained didactic post by Wood. I thought 'I may be asking questions later' was quite sublime and could have even done without the 'moron' yet retained the same impact as a refined parting smack-down.
 

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Posted by Wood (# 7) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by The Coot:
Beaut little riposte there by Ender's Shadow, and a fairly restrained didactic post by Wood. I thought 'I may be asking questions later' was quite sublime and could have even done without the 'moron' yet retained the same impact as a refined parting smack-down.

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Thank you, Coot.

So. Any thoughts on points scores?
 

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Posted by David (# 3) on :
 
Ok.

Which fuckwit forgot to put the ShitMagnet away?
 

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Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :
 
Well, (Richie Benaud voice), the board is lovely today, and it's lovely to be here and it's lovely to have you in the studio today Mr Wood. S H-C appears to have won the toss-off, and we are on the edges of our seats - as are the viewers at home - to see if he will bat or be battered.
 

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Posted by Wood (# 7) on :
 
Oh, and a stunning hit from the corner by David there. That has to set up for a goal, that does...
 

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Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :
 
Oh blast, here's the tea lady, I'll leave you with the beautiful Wendy who'll draw some phallic symbols with the telestrator. I don't think this match will go to penalties, and there is an umpire hovering close by with a black card. In fact, I can sniff a forced follow on and by the time I get back I suspect it will be all over bar the shouting.
 

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Posted by Tim V (# 830) on :
 
Hey, OICCU's alright. Some of my friends are/have been on the exec. OK, so their relationship with CathSoc might not be particularly touchy-feely but that's to be expected, isn't it? We pray for their ministry and they....well, don't pray for ours but that's fine.
 

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Posted by Wood (# 7) on :
 
Thank you Coot.

Now it's time for some half-time analysis.

Dyfrig?
 

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Posted by Dyfrig (# 15) on :
 
Mmmm? Religious disagreements? Eh? Boys playing theological football in the park, deacons for goalposts? Mm? Marvellous. Oh no! The ball's gone near the road! Screech of breaks - splat! Mummy mummy, that boy did it! Take that you horrid Catholic. Mmmm? Marvellous.
 

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Posted by Erin (# 2) on :
 
Oh Lord. Like I said, even though per capita the UK seems to contribute more raving loons to these boards than any other area, there's no nut quite like an American nut. What we lack in quantity we more than make up for in quality.

I'm SO proud.
 

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Posted by Wood (# 7) on :
 
And a midfield punt from Erin there. Great play from all concerned.

She's been on great form this season. Her play's really benefitted from a change of position, I think.
 

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Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :
 
And I think - yes, let's replay that. If you listen closely the field mike is picking up the Gators play codes. *muffled noises* 'Hut!Hut!Hut!Goteam!Sancti!6!Weenie!6!Monious!6!'
 

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Posted by Wood (# 7) on :
 
And in the slow-mo replay, you can just see that - yes, look at that - Erin's deft word control, her mastery of tactical capitalisation... and she doesn't even need to use a smiley.

Effortless. You don't see play like that every day.

So, how have they done this season, do you think?
 

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Posted by Dyfrig (# 15) on :
 
Well, Brian, I think they have the chance to go all the way this year - of course, being the only team in The Ship of Fools league means that they go all the way every year, but maybe this time they can avoid coming bottom yet again. I'm sure the fans are getting pretty bored of always finishing mid-table year after year.
 

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Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :
 
I'm sorry I have to interrupt you now Dyfrig, for a special interview with our Stateside expert:

'Our bigger things are bigger than your bigger things. And our big things from Texas are far bigger than your biggest thing. Because we choose to go to the moon. And the other things'.

(Cue back to commentary room - slightly earlier than anticipated)
Bugger that. I thought we were gunna see the bloody cheerleaders? Oh. What do you mean 'we're on'?
 

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Posted by Wood (# 7) on :
 
*Ahem*.

Ok. Now our exclusive footage of our interview with Anna Kournikova...

"So, Ms. Kournikova. It's been a disappointing year so far. What went wrong?"

"How dare you ask me that? I'm sorry, I'm not answering that. You can all go-"

OK. Maybe not. Back to our scheduled footage...
 

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Posted by Mrs Tubbs (# 440) on :
 
Is the match over yet? I wanna change channels. There must be something on the other side ....

Tubbs
 

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Posted by sarkycow (# 1012) on :
 
I think that Wood and Dyfrig's little one-two there frightened SH-C off. Shame. No really. Honestly.

Oh alright, it's not a shame at all.

But Wood's right - the change of position for Erin has made all the difference. Go Erin

Viki
 

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Posted by Stoo (# 254) on :
 
you, know...

i've been thinking of getting an Erin-cut.

Do you think my barber would do that?
 

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Posted by Wood (# 7) on :
 
Hand of God: Foot of Erin.

Ghost exorcised.
 

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Posted by Dyfrig (# 15) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Stoo:

Do you think my barber would do that?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Mousethief:
Some of us Americans think we're not nuts at all, but don't have the balls to say it.

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Let's get personal and close, Are you asking us to believe that you aren't nuts Mouse-boy?

bb
 

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Posted by ken (# 2460) on :
 
A Troll! I sawed a Troll! A GREAT BIG TROLL! It went that way!
 

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Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by babybear:

quote:

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Originally posted by Mousethief:
Some of us Americans think we're not nuts at all, but don't have the balls to say it.

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Let's get personal and close, Are you asking us to believe that you aren't nuts Mouse-boy?

bb

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Babybear, I'll get personal and close with you any day.

Which answers your other question.

Reader Alexis
 

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Posted by simon 2 (# 1524) on :
 
WEYHEY .... STREAKER!!!!!!
 

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Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 
Dear Mxyzptlk,

The irony that your name quotes Old English while you attack the main church most people here belong to -- in your first post no less -- astounds me.

But mainly I just wanted to call you Mxyzptlk, because I can.

David
That's Mister Mix-yez-pitel-ick to you, bub
Also went on a real pilgrimage to Durham Cathedral to say hi to Cuthbert in 1994, and is also, apparently, a Tractarian
Also notes that this seems to be not only a trollish thing but a "let's get the Brits and the US people riled up at each other" thing -- UGH!
 

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Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 
[tomb removes one of his gloves and drags a nail down a piece of slate. At this signal that he is in hosting mode, small children scream and a woman (not Sophie Aubrey) faints]:

Let's let Scyndan digest the riposts and sort out the cricket metaphors for a while, shall we?

Perhaps he will then grace us with a more irenic--not to say ironic--reply.

If he doesn't reply, than he's either more thin-scyndaned than we suspect, which would be a disappointment; or he's a troll, which would be a sin.

tomb confesses to some admiration for the comet-like quality of the initial post; he hopes it will signal a meteoric rise to Shipmate status for Scyndan and not be yet another fizzpot.

If tomb has a quarrel, it is with the boy's name. The "heofon-cyning" seems a trifle over-stated and probably not true. Moreover, it's been a long time since tomb wrapped his lips around Old English umlauts, and he tends to spit when he pronounces them. This is unfortunate and inconvenient because it makes the paint peel off the walls where the drool hits.

Nevertheless, tomb has no plans to remove the dental prostheses that cap his fangs unless it is for the purpose of eating Scyfan heofon-cyning for breakfast and washing down the chunks with gin. He hopes and prays that Scyfan isn't a troll. They taste bad, and the flossing takes forever.

[glove on. hosting mode off]





[corrected spelling of Sophie Aubrey's name; changed a verb to a more apposite selection]

[ 25 June 2002, 17:03: Message edited by: tomb ]
 

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Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
I didn't see any umlauts??
 

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Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 
It's the "y"s. They're pronounced similarly to a German u-umlaut or a (classical) Latin "y". Damn inconvenient with fangs as long as mine.
 

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Posted by Boot (# 2611) on :
 
Dear Mr Whateveryournameis,

I found your OP a little hard to understand, for various reasons (including what I consider to be a over-enthuastic use of toliet metaphors) but I understand that it would be fair to say that you are slagging off the church in the UK.

Now, being a member of said church, I would agree with you that there is a lot wrong with it. However, there is also a lot right with it, and at the end of the day the Church (of which your target is a part) is the Bride of Christ. This does not mean that she cannot be called to account, but it does mean that you are in effect calling the Bride of Christ a minger. Which in my opinion is not a terribly good thing to do.

And how you can categorically say the church here in the UK is worse than anywhere else is beyond me.

However, your OP has had the effect of causing some very entertaining replies, not least a post from Mr Tomb our Friendly HellHost(always worth a read, so I am very grateful to you for that.

Yours in Christ

b
 

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Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
Thanks, Tomb! Golly, I learned something new today! A red-letter day!

Saaaaay. I wonder if this Aulde Englysshe troll isn't related to Madamoiselle Dree-Saint? They both self-report as being holier than me, and turned up at roughly the same time. Hmmmm.

Reader Alexis
 

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Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
Sorry to double post (actually I'm not but it's customary to say that), but I want to commend Boot for the phrase

quote:

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a[n] over-enthuastic use of toliet metaphors

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quote:

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Originally posted by tomb:
It's the "y"s. They're pronounced similarly to a German u-umlaut or a (classical) Latin "y". Damn inconvenient with fangs as long as mine.

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quote:

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Originally posted by tomb:
Now stop posting to this thread until the original poster deigns to reply.

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quote:

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Originally posted by scyndan heofon-cyning:
I'll be damned.

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Hope not.

In all seriousness, do you understand why everyone has taken your OP the way they have, scyndan?
 

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Posted by Wood (# 7) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by scyndan heofon-cyning:
"you" is you-all in the English church, henceforth to be called "English" by me whenever I feel like it.

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quote:

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Amish call all non-Amish "English."

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quote:

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Egoistic perhaps, but not as much as British Airways calling all flights to England "homebound" or some such nonsense.)

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quote:

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"British" or "Britons" is for liberally-minded English or assimilated non-English, which is what you are if you're non-English but a member of the English church.

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quote:

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(Unless you're an American and call yourself an Anglican, which just means you're trying to glom onto the dying aura of English cultural capital. This seems to more thinkable in the US, because there are no unfashionable fundies in your midst you have to apologize for.)

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quote:

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fundy, fundie, fundy, fundie

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quote:

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I admit I should have been clearer; I wasn't trying to imply that the Oxford yobs I ran into were representative of the whole English church.

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quote:

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Sorry, I didn't do a comprehensive reading of the site in the hours I was online, but I figured that would give dinks a chance to play the "didja read" opening

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quote:

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--"you" is you-all in the English church, henceforth to be called "English" by me whenever I feel like it. (The Amish call all non-Amish "English." Egoistic perhaps, but not as much as British Airways calling all flights to England "homebound" or some such nonsense.) "British" or "Britons" is for liberally-minded English or assimilated non-English, which is what you are if you're non-English but a member of the English church

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You* just pull this right out of your ass, don't you*? Since when are you* the arbiter of cultural and national identities?

*Note: "you" is you -- only schadenfreude or whatthefuckever your name is -- in your very own parallel universe, henceforth to be called "dickhead" by me whenever I feel like it.

[ 25 June 2002, 21:23: Message edited by: Erin ]
 

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Posted by Wood (# 7) on :
 
Erin, my darling, my sweet, my beloved.

You say the things that most of us can only dream of saying.

I have so much to learn.
 

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Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 
(uncontrollable snickering at all the (unintentional?) double-entendres -- "pillars of bollocks," "thickie," "toy... shot his wad," "masochistic," etc.)

Ahem, carry on.
 

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Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Mousethief:
....I wonder if this Aulde Englysshe troll isn't related to Madamoiselle Dree-Saint? They both self-report as being holier than me, and turned up at roughly the same time. Hmmmm.

Reader Alexis

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quote:

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Arietty--"you" is you-all in the English church, henceforth to be called "English" by me whenever I feel like it. (The Amish call all non-Amish "English." Egoistic perhaps, but not as much as British Airways calling all flights to England "homebound" or some such nonsense.) "British" or "Britons" is for liberally-minded English or assimilated non-English, which is what you are if you're non-English but a member of the English church. (Unless you're an American and call yourself an Anglican, which just means you're trying to glom onto the dying aura of English cultural capital. This seems to more thinkable in the US, because there are no unfashionable fundies in your midst you have to apologize for.)

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Wow.

I am deeply honoured by being singled out for such attention.

All that ****ocks, just for me.


 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
First instalment coming up:


 

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Posted by Nightlamp (# 266) on :
 
I have never come across such stupidity masquerading as intelligence in all my life.
 

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Posted by scyndan heofon-cyning (# 2943) on :
 

quote:

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I have never come across such stupidity masquerading as intelligence in all my life.

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quote:

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You* just pull this right out of your ass, don't you*? Since when are you* the arbiter of cultural and national identities?

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quote:

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...if you mean the Church OF England, then you're not talking to everyone here.

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quote:

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"you" is you-all in the English church

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I'm disappointed. You keep taking all the stock potshots I'm handing you. Would I have more credibility in your eyes if I said I got a britrail pass in 1995 and toured all over the UK? I even kept a journal. It has a special section on "native religions" which will soon become an international best-seller.

Not sure I can agree with this: Academics in the "field" of "postgrad research"
"don't stage ... argument[s] without knowing what [they're] bloody well talking about." Maybe it's just my American anti-intellectualism, so I'll grant you your refreshing optimism. Maybe you weren't thinking about the specific fields of literature and lit. theory. British academics in these fields have really pioneered the use of the anal speculum.
 

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Posted by Erin (# 2) on :
 
Wood!! He spent time traveling in the UK!! Well, he's clearly the expert. I mean, all you ignorant, deluded limeys need to just shut up and bask in the wisdom syaogng hewotu-weytbnslh gleaned in the all-important junior year abroad.
 

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Posted by Arietty (# 45) on :
 
BTW, Scynog-Wotsit, do you imagine that a 'monstrous regiment' is a helluva lotta people, or are you reallysaying that monstrous English evangelical bashers kick ass, as your thread title actually implies??
 

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Posted by locust-eater (# 2940) on :
 
scyndan heofon-cyning,

... can I call you "serpy" for short or something?

I'm not sure I understand what, if all you're saying is that there are fundy-types posting here, just as there are fundy-types in the U.S. southeast, ummm, what is the point, exactly?

quote:

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I rarely think about it as it is today at any length except that it's bizarre and clearly going down the crapper.

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quote:

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Or if a couple of monarchs pull a church out of their asses, that's how it's done?

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quote:

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.... a certain breed of evangelical-fundy asshead was not unique to North America. At the time I was living down south, and I had believed the stereotype that the Great American Bible Belt safeguards all that is batshit-cazy in Protestantism. There is a lot of truth to that, but the lines aren't drawn as starkly as I once thought. (This was also before I had ever heard of Ian Paisley, mind you.) ... I realized that American evangelicalism and its discontents are mirrored quite a bit in England's church and its postcolonial subsidiaries worldwide...

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quote:

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Sorry, I didn't do a comprehensive reading of the site in the hours I was online, but I figured that would give dinks a chance to play the "didja read" opening: e.g., "didja read the freakin' faq, didja read Small Fire, have you absorbed the idea of Restless Christian Narcissism?"

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quote:

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And though that he were worthy, he was not wys...

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quote:

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Originally posted by scyndan heofon-cyning:

Would I have more credibility in your eyes if I said I got a britrail pass in 1995 and toured all over the UK? I even kept a journal. It has a special section on "native religions" which will soon become an international best-seller.

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Delusions of Grandeur !

(Clarissa explains it all)
 

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Posted by bessie rosebride (# 1738) on :
 
Oops - so sorry Tomb. I didn't do a refresh before replying and didn't see your directive til after my post came up.


 

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Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
Must....not...type...what...I....want...to...type...

more talk about fundies...and I am going to lose it......and say something unchristian...

I enjoyed the kicks y'all gave...sinner I am.

I MUST POINT OUT:

Now you all know how I feel when Brits and other talk about "the election" in Florida with an air of auth-or-i-ty when they DON'T EVEN LIVE HERE FOR THE LOVE OF PETE. Sorry...couldn't help it...but that was another thread...
 

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Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
sorry tomb...I thougth you meant your post only for some reason...

I can't delete my post...sigh.
 

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Posted by Wood (# 7) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by scyndan heofon-cyning:
Woodie: Would I have more credibility in your eyes if I said I got a britrail pass in 1995 and toured all over the UK? I even kept a journal. It has a special section on "native religions" which will soon become an international best-seller.

---

quote:

---

Not sure I can agree with this: Academics in the "field" of "postgrad research"
"don't stage ... argument[s] without knowing what [they're] bloody well talking about." Maybe it's just my American anti-intellectualism, so I'll grant you your refreshing optimism. Maybe you weren't thinking about the specific fields of literature and lit. theory. British academics in these fields have really pioneered the use of the anal speculum.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by duchess:

Now you all know how I feel when Brits and other talk about "the election" in Florida with an air of auth-or-i-ty when they DON'T EVEN LIVE HERE FOR THE LOVE OF PETE. Sorry...couldn't help it...but that was another thread...

---

You fail to understand that British people in fact speak with authority on every subject.

Didn't you know that?


 

---

Posted by Wood (# 7) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by scyndan heofon-cyning:
What's important is what YOU think I'm saying. And how you feel about your mother.

Erin, Don't underestimate my perceptivity as a post-collegiate backpacker.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by ChastMastr:
(uncontrollable snickering at all the (unintentional?) double-entendres -- "pillars of bollocks," "thickie," "toy... shot his wad," "masochistic," etc.)

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by tomb:
[engage host mode]

Shipmates: please do not reply to any posts on this thread.

Reference my post above and the request for an apology.

[host mode off]

---

Oops.
 

---

Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 
Oooops, indeed.

Well, I have decided that S-HC is a troll. Yes, yes, I understand. No applause necesarry, and you there in the back row, stop throwing roses. One of those thorns nearly put my eye out.

The guy hasn't replied either to the request for an apology here or in the private message I sent him.

Feel free to have at him here to your hearts' content. I suspect an admin will be pitching him overboard any time now, so you may or may not get an answer.

Pleasant morning here. The sun is shining. There are sirens going off in the distance, and the dog is howling on the roof.
 

---

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
Okay, just 2 things:

1. (WARNING: dirty word ahead) Does his name mean "scintillating heaving cunt"?

2. Yes, there are archetypal metaphors. We call them Icons.

That is all.

Reader Alexis
 

---

Posted by Hooker's Trick (# 89) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Wood:
Not with this guy's qualifications.)

---

quote:

---

This seems to more thinkable in the US, because there are no unfashionable fundies in your midst you have to apologize for.)

fundy, fundie, fundy, fundie

I admit I should have been clearer; I wasn't trying to imply that the Oxford yobs I ran into were representative of the whole English church. Just that the experience impressed upon me the fact that a certain breed of evangelical-fundy asshead was not unique to North America. At the time I was living down south, and I had believed the stereotype that the Great American Bible Belt safeguards all that is bat****-cazy in Protestantism.

---

As a batsheet-crazy fundy with lots of British blood who used to live in the South, I intend to dance all over your ignorant head...

Ahem...

tap-tap-da-da-tap-tap-smash! tap-tap-take-that-lil'-back-packer... smash...smash...smash..ouch...stop... no...dance.-de-de-de-tap-tap..

I am usually nice... but since I bat-sheet-crazy... I am dancing on your ignorant head... smash-smash-smash...

[Play Elton's Tiny Dancer song here...]



(me barfing towards you)

[ 26 June 2002, 20:13: Message edited by: Simon ]
 

---

Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Wood:
You fail to understand that British people in fact speak with authority on every subject.

Didn't you know that?

---

As long as they stay away from telling us what our politicians should be doing... (AND I might add...do not feel Tammy Faye Bakker and the rest of her gang represent the whole United States when it comes to being "fundy")...then it's alright with me.
 

---

Posted by sharkshooter (# 1589) on :
 
ROTFLOL, duchess!

Oh, btw, I was born on an island in the Bay of Fundy - does that make me a "fashionable Fundy"?
 

---

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by duchess:
[Play Elton's Tiny Dancer song here...]

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by duchess:
...do not feel Tammy Faye Bakker and the rest of her gang represent the whole United States when it comes to being "fundy" ...

---

I'm pretty confident she isn't regarded that way anymore. Alas, I missed seeing her at DC Gay Pride this year, but it would have been fun. She apparently even judged a Tammy Faye lookalike drag contest as well this year!

Interview with Tammy Faye Bakker-Messner in Metro Weekly, a local (DC) gay newspaper

Interview with The Advocate, a U.S. gay magazine

"The two Christmases when my husband was in jail, it was the gay guys that took care of me. ... They cared about me more than the Christians cared about me [begins to cry], and that says something to me right there."

"Advocate: The fact that you did this film and are talking to a gay and lesbian magazine—how do you feel the Christian community is going to respond?
I don’t care. It doesn’t make any difference to me because I don’t answer to the Christian community; I answer to God."
 

---

Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
For Mousethief (pls sing along with me..*ah-ah-ahem*)

Jesus freaks out in the street
Handing tickets out for God
<snip!>
Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway..


 

---

Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by sharkshooter:
ROTFLOL, duchess!

Oh, btw, I was born on an island in the Bay of Fundy - does that make me a "fashionable Fundy"?

---

Well, I may not live in Canada, but according a book I read...you are a "Island Fundamentalist" aka "Island Fundy". This means you sit around drinking beer going "How aBOOT those Sharks, aye? They ain't so bad! I like 'em! Wish they'd move OOOT of San Jose and come up here to Ottawa and be our team. I also wish Tammy Faye Bakker was single...I'd take "er Ooot to a hockey game, aye"..love her! Love her! Just love her!"

Don't argue with me, I am an EXPERT on Canandians.
I have also studied Don Cherry...got my degree in Don Cherrism.


 

---

Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
ChastMastr, it is good to see Tammy see gays as people, that is for sure.
 

---

Posted by locust-eater (# 2940) on :
 
[quote]Now you all know how I feel when Brits and other talk about "the election" in Florida with an air of auth-or-i-ty when they DON'T EVEN LIVE HERE FOR THE LOVE OF PETE.{/quote]

duchess, does it smart to know that the whole rest of the world agrees with the 51% of us Yanks who got swindled by the "election"* in Florida?

-le

*DISCLAIMER: Term "election" used loosely. No actual democratic process is implied by the use of this term. See other related terms: "nepotism", "jerrymandering", "racism", "usurp", "unconstitutionally court-appointed brainless halfwit".
 

---

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
But say, Locust-Eater, tell us how you REALLY feel.

Reader Alexis
 

---

Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
Locust brother, I ain't going THERE...it is a long winding road, talking about Gore's telemarketing and the fact the butterfly ballot was designed by a DEMOCRAT and approved by DEMOCRAT leaders in Florida...all a very very tired subject. Whoops! I let some venum slip in...

Anyhoo, the rest of the world is a difficult figure to measure in statistics, ain't it? Oh, you mean the PRESS? Well, gosh-golly..all those platitudes from the Liberal Left make us Meanie-Conservatives look like such uncaring meanies!
 

---

Posted by Wood (# 7) on :
 
Errr, guys, could we leave out the dead horse political discussion and get back to insulting Mr. Arsebiscuits?
 

---

Posted by Scot (# 2095) on :
 
duchess - you are in fine form today!

Mr. Eater, aren't you glad that you had 49% of us and the US Constitution to prevent you from making a horrible mistake?

scot
 

---

Posted by Ultraspike (# 268) on :
 
Yes, my fellow Amuricans, there is a Deus ex Machina.
 

---

Posted by nicolemrw (# 28) on :
 
locust-eater:

you preach it brother! amen!
 

---

Posted by scyndan heofon-cyning (# 2943) on :
 
Apparently posting less than 12 hours per post here makes people think you've died or something. Sorry, I have a real life y'know? I was posting early this AM but got wiped out by a brownout and then had to go do some church work. So, back from the dead, I have to face these most serious charges against me. The Coot and Tomb want me to "recant" and "apologize" for something, maybe everything. Let me try to get a bit more specific than that.

1) being a jerk.

OK, well you got me there. Call it an experiment, like poking sticks into the tiger cage. Crude fun at the expense of poor tigers with more important work to do than post in hell, something they never relish. Such a restrained and staid lot whose upstanding conduct makes me most ashamed of myself.

(I do wish to point out that the britrail remarks were supposed to reek of self-deprecating sarcasm. And the thing about British Airways is true. Or it was a few years ago.)

2) "We're really just a springboard for you, aren't we? We're a place where you can spout all sorts of nastiness and expect a predictable response."

Guilty as charged, although the "we" might be in the eye of the beholder--i.e., those whose egos have acquired an extraordinarily strong cathexis with SoF. "Nastiness" might be a bit strong, but apparently some people were hurt. Victims were victimized. Blood in the streets. I am truly sorry.

3) dehumanizing a community of several thousand people. And as Tomb reminds me, "If you prick us, do we not bleed?"

That seems a bit strong too, but maybe some humanities are shakier than others. I should be respectful of the anemic brother. <bang board against head.>

4) savaging individuals individually

If those who feel they have been individually savaged step forward, I will prostrate myself and grovel until they feel better.

5) Attacking SoF in general

I think that's a leap and wasn't my intention. But again, I'm sorry. I should have thought first, waiting until my heart was full of compassion and sympathy. <bang head again.>

6) Carrying the conversation to a frightening level of escalation.

All my fault. People couldn't help themselves against my onslaught of about 4 (?) posts. I feel your pain brothers and sisters. I have sinned, even in hell.

Earlier, I read Ms. Dree-Smith's posts, and I think I understand her now. She appear to speak for the majority, or at least a substantial group whose needs and desires I now wish to respect. From now on I will try desperately hard to be nice. Sorry for the inconvenience.
 

---

Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
Ok...I will stop the dance.

Scot, GO BROTHER GO!!! (sorry Wood)
 

---

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
That was an apology?

Reader Alexis
 

---

Posted by Benedictus (# 1215) on :
 
Well, sure, Alex. What with us being so fragile and all.
 

---

Posted by locust-eater (# 2940) on :
 
Well, it was about as coherent as the OP...

incoherent rant/ incoherent apology...

Strange thing though. Read the guy's home page and seems fairly smart and nice enough. He's started an interesting thread down in Kerygmatics about the Bible and usury- he's not dumb, and he's being quite coherent down there...

Do people commony misunderstand Hell to the extent that our serpent-turned-penintent* and Miss Dree Saint have?

-le

* "Scyndan" = Old English for "Serpent." Didn't anyone else here have to recite Beowulf in the original OE when in high school?
 

---

Posted by babybear (# 34) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by locust-eater:
Kerygmatics

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by locust-eater:
Do people common[l]y misunderstand Hell to the extent that our serpent-turned-penintent* and Miss Dree Saint have?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by scyndan heofon-cyning:
those whose egos have acquired an extraordinarily strong cathexis with SoF.

---

quote:

---

Kerygmaticx is Dogmatix's litter sibling!

---

... just trying to fulill my quota of newbie mistakes as quickly as possible...

-le

(who is noticing for the first time his initials' French article feel...)
 

---

Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by scyndan heofon-cyning:
4) savaging individuals individually

If those who feel they have been individually savaged step forward

---

Wait! Wait! I didn't get a turn! Savage me! Savage me! Oh, do, do, do savage me! It's what I live for...

But remember, "yellow" means "be more careful" and "red" means we have to end the scene.

David
safe, sane and consensual orthodox guy
 

---

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
Sorry, David, the savaging is all over. Move along now. Nothing to see here.

Can we get some crowd control tape down here?!

Move along, people. Keep it moving.
 

---

Posted by Nightlamp (# 266) on :
 

quote:

---

Mousethief said Getting them both at the same time has been something of a -hmm- coincidence.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Nightlamp:
Do you think they are related?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mousethief:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Nightlamp:
Do you think they are related?

---

Husband and wife, perhaps?

Reader A.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Erin:
I can only award that flame a 2.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by locust-eater:
Strange thing though. Read the guy's home page and seems fairly smart and nice enough.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pestilential Penitent:
Oh dear, did Professor Wood say something? <fumbles for ear trumpet> I must have missed it.

---

quote:

---

Also, unlike the inbred universities of certain lands, it's customary for Americans to try to do an MA and PhD in different institutions.

---

quote:

---

Keep digging. I'm sure you can find heavier lashes to bring forth.

---

No need. you're making a big enough twat of yourself without us having to do anything.
 

---

Posted by Wood (# 7) on :
 
Oh, and did I mention that pretending academic superiority and then attempting to use 'professor' as an insult is possibly a fatal error?

Or it would be if you hadn't made about seventeen already.

It's moronic anyway.

I've slaughtered better than you in here, bollockbrain.
 

---

Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
There is a big "L" on his icon...I wonder what that means...
 

---

Posted by andy_s (# 2792) on :
 
It means Moo-Koo and I need to go find new avatars for fear of being mistaken for the Name Changer.
 

---

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
Loser
 

---

Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pestilential Penitent:
Also, unlike the inbred universities of certain lands, it's customary for Americans to try to do an MA and PhD in different institutions.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mousethief:
Sorry, David, the savaging is all over. Move along now. Nothing to see here.

Can we get some crowd control tape down here?!

---

Tape? Oh, yes, bring some tape! (licks lips) I do so love...

Okay, I'll stop now.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pestilential Penitent:
I'm sure you can find heavier lashes to bring forth.

---

I said I'd stop now, you naughty, naughty boy!
 

---

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
Behind the pylons, leatherboy!

Reader A
 

---

Posted by locust-eater (# 2940) on :
 

quote:

---

You think? I thought I'd never seen anyone over the age of 16 looking so dour in a family photo.

People seek knowledge for different reasons. Some people seek knowledge with the goal of improving themselves. Others, such as our new, name-changing friend, seem to pursue knowledge so they can use it as a stick with which to beat others.

---

er yeah. You like, missed my point and stuff. My point was not that he looks bad in a photo (who cares? Oh wait. This is Hell... everyone's an ass down here) or that he's behaved badly in Hell here, but that in the other available contexts, he seems to be nicer and actually writes coherently.
That's why I was wondeing if his posts in hell here were something of an affected persona. Which is a misunderstanding of what hell is for, but he seems to be playing "stick and hornet's nest" with everyone here, which is admittedly not nice, but everyone seems to be playing right into his hands in that regard... if he really is playing some persona game, the flames are probably doing nothing more than entertaining him. I can't tell if everyone else is genuniely angry with him or is equally entertained...

-le
 

---

Posted by Qestia (# 717) on :
 
LE, I did go check out the Kerygmania thread and you're right, he seems completely different there.

Maybe after he's been around for awhile we'll become accustomed to his sense of humor.

He did choose an awfully strange way to introduce himself.
 

---

Posted by Pestilential Penitent (# 2943) on :
 
Woody--I repented, but I still have to argue? Which argument? Can I do that and still be nice?

UCI is not all that unusual, RuthW. Several "top-tier" univerisites take that approach. UW-Madison tried it for a while. Is Murray Krieger still alive and on the wagon?

Are there any Avatar that are not taken?

Will I ever be able to contradict myself, engage in paradox or irony, without this being pointed out as something I probably didn't intend? Wood--you must be a new critic at heart. Or whatever they had on your side of the pond. Leavisites. Richardsists. Etc.

This board is interminably logocentric. Keep banging those rocks together boys--maybe you'll ground this free playing signifier to some external reality one day.

how dull.
 

---

Posted by locust-eater (# 2940) on :
 
Strange. counterproductive, mean. Not to mention his OP makes no damn sense. He never answered my questions about how fundies in England are somehow worse than fundies in America, which makes me wonder if he had a point at all. Was he using himself for flame-bait maybe? But why?

Maybe he was drunk?

-le
 

---

Posted by Pestilential Penitent (# 2943) on :
 
Oh--damn!

"L" for loser. Why do I set myself up for such abuse. I am SOOOO dumb. Really, I want to work hard so you will all like me. Please!
 

---

Posted by Erin (# 2) on :
 
Don't you have some puppies to kick? SOMEWHERE ELSE?
 

---

Posted by Lifeman (# 579) on :
 
I've only just encountered this thread.

Normally, I have a pretty balanced view where Americans are concerned but let's look at a few
facts:-

1) America - the people who gave you the MONKEY TRIALS - an eternal testement to bigotry.

2) America -founded in the name of religious freedom and yet Anabaptists were being savagly persecuted within a few years of the Mayflower landing.

3) America - where even today, being black in the southern states does not relate much to the Christian concept of all men being created equal
(and how many churches there are essentially blck or white)

4) America - the home of the mega rich T.V.
Evangelist, obviously watched by huge numbers or else thet would'nt be so rich. I read of one who has a fleet of aircraft!

All the above are merely a few thoughts which immediately spring to mind. Who's the most screwed up? Pestilential Penitant, are you sure you know what you're talking about?
 

---

Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
Another "expert" who doesn't live here.
 

---

Posted by Ham'n'Eggs (# 629) on :
 
Playing with a troll is symptomatic of intense boredom. Why not move along someplace else, everyone?
 

---

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
Can I kick Lifeman? Can I? Please?

Rdr Alexis
 

---

Posted by Pestilential Penitent (# 2943) on :
 
What makes you sure I know what I'm talking about, or that my talking has anything to do with what I might know?

quote:

---

America - where even today, being black in the southern states does not relate much to the Christian concept of all men being created equal
(and how many churches there are essentially blck or white)

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mousethief:
Can I kick Lifeman? Can I? Please?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pestilential Penitent:
Of course the enlightened Europeans embrace people of every kind.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lifeman:
Normally, I have a pretty balanced view where Americans are concerned

---

quote:

---

3) America - where even today, being black in the southern states does not relate much to the Christian concept of all men being created equal
(and how many churches there are essentially blck or white)

*snip*

Pestilential Penitant, are you sure you know what you're talking about?[/QB]

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pestilential Penitent:
UCI is not all that unusual, RuthW. Several "top-tier" univerisites take that approach. UW-Madison tried it for a while. Is Murray Krieger still alive and on the wagon?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pestilential Penitent:
Woody--

---

quote:

---

I repented, but I still have to argue? Which argument?

---

Does it matter? I'm having a blast here.
 

---

Posted by Wood (# 7) on :
 
Oh, and by the way, do we have a consensus that we can all kick Lifeman to a bloody pulp anyway?

.
.
.
.
.
.

(show of hands)

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Thought so.
 

---

Posted by Pestilential Penitent (# 2943) on :
 
OK, well then Wood and l-e, yes my OP was incoherent BS, and I was drunk, and for some reason Diminutive Nematode's CoE-down-the-toilet thread peeved me, and it was hot, and I was wearing... well, that's all YOU need to know.

No, l-e, British fundamentalists aren't worse than American ones, but their existence--esp. in the CoE--is an annoying anomaly (at least to my mind) given the liberalized dessicated impression I have of that institution. Perhaps also like John Calvin I have a revulsion toward the mixing of radically disparate entities. At least in the US we tend to properly institutionally segregate ourselves by theopolitics. Hurray for schismaticism! And I do think the whole English national church enterprise was nutso and a doomed imperialist pile of fudge from the start, although I do like the short weird Edward VI moment. But let's not start some kind of serious historical discussion.
 

---

Posted by Wood (# 7) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pestilential Penitent:
No, l-e, British fundamentalists aren't worse than American ones, but their existence--esp. in the CoE--is an annoying anomaly (at least to my mind) given the liberalized dessicated impression I have of that institution...

---

quote:

---

And I do think the whole English national church enterprise was nutso and a doomed imperialist pile of fudge from the start

---

Me too, although it's best to keep it quiet round here.

.
.
.
.
.
.

Damn. Got to stop thinkig aloud like that.
 

---

Posted by locust-eater (# 2940) on :
 

quote:

---

No, l-e

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Wood:
Oh, and by the way, do we have a consensus that we can all kick Lifeman to a bloody pulp anyway?

---

Normally I wouldn't kick a man when he's down, but in this case, what the hell:

Here's a big Texas size kick in the ass, Lifeman. (We need a kick ass smilie.)
 

---

Posted by Arietty (# 45) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by locust-eater:
Ah well, tit for tat.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pestilential Penitent:
... I was drunk, ... and it was hot, and I was wearing... well, that's all YOU need to know.

---

No, it isn't! I've seen your profile pic now (And, if you've seen the latest post on the leather thread, you've seen much more of me), and must know more! Show us! (Heck, I did...)

And anyone who puts "Self-flagellation" in their profile, well!

Only I'm not into the solo stuff these days -- I never find it satisfying anymore...

David
by the way, you're cuter without your glasses

PS: Yes, I know from his website (wife and two kids -- but then again, Master had a wife and two kids...) that he's probably straight. Darn it! Some-day my prince will come, la-laaa la la la laaaa...

PPS: Anyone who likes Spenser (and self-flagellation!) can't really be all bad...

PPPS: Yes, I'm kidding, though he really is cuter without his glasses on
 

---

Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 
PPPPS: We have similar interests also -- your profile says "Struggling to be Nice," whereas I think it's Nice to be ...

I'll stop now.

David
and snuggling
 

---

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
David, David, David, what ever are we going to do with you? If you don't stop treating the newbies like this we're going to have to tie you up and ... no, wait, that won't work. We'll have to flog you with ... no wait, no point in that.

Carry on, then.

Alexis
 

---

Posted by Erin (# 2) on :
 
Um, Chastmastr, it took us a while, and we had to really work to uncover the subtle clues, but we have all figured out that you're gay and into leather.

Really. We have.
 

---

Posted by Wood (# 7) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Erin:
Um, Chastmastr, it took us a while, and we had to really work to uncover the subtle clues, but we have all figured out that you're gay and into leather.

Really. We have.

---

Chast's into Leather!?

No, really?

Honestly?

Wow. Learn something new every day.
 

---

Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 


Oh, no! My secret is out!



Don't tell anyone, okay?

Seriously, if I can't use my Special Mutant Powers (as it were) on newbies in such a context as this, well, what can I do with them?

...

Wait, don't answer that...
 

---

Posted by Arietty (# 45) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by ChastMastr:

Seriously, if I can't use my Special Mutant Powers (as it were) on newbies in such a context as this, well, what can I do with them?

---

Do you really want us to tell you???
 

---

Posted by Stephen (# 40) on :
 
You could always tell him to belt up!!!

Yes,I know it's a terrible joke!
 

---

Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
Lord have mercy...the filth...the smut...the abuse of cows to make leather goods for these deviant acts (THOSE POOR COWS! HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF MAKING THEM ALL DIE SO YOU CAN HAVE LEATHER)...Betsy the cow sacrificed her life so you could have leather goods...mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Yes, I did try to change the subject here...but alas I know I did not succeed...
 

---

Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :
 
Chast mate, just hurry up and get laid, will ya!
 

---

Posted by babybear (# 34) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mousethief:
David, David, David, what ever are we going to do with you? If you don't stop treating the newbies like this we're going to have to tie you up and ... no, wait, that won't work. We'll have to flog you with ... no wait, no point in that.

---

I suggest that we put him in a corner and pointed ignore him for a few days. Either that or we stop his pocket money (allowance) and ground him.

bb
 

---

Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 
Um, hey, I was only being silly because of the whole "troll" thing... I didn't mean to actually offend anyone as such.
 

---

Posted by Pestilential Penitent (# 2943) on :
 
I'm not gonna dangle for your delight, MastChaser. What a salacious come-on! Yick!
 

---

Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 
Well, yes. That was the point; it was supposed to be a very silly salacious come-on, which couldn't possibly be taken seriously, or so I hope. (Disclaimer: Yes, your pic is attractive, and I do love Spenser -- my own focus was on Mediaeval/Renaissance lit when I got my own MA -- and yes, I really am into leather and celibacy (don't ask -- if you want to know more, see The Great Big Leather Thread in Purgatory) as a way of life.) But it was meant to be a joke, because, well, I *do* think your OP was somewhat trollish (though I've started a discussion of such matters over on Purgatory), and your "I was drunk, and it was hot, and I was wearing..." just seemed to invite that sort of humour.

Joke joke joke. It was all a joke. I don't hit on married guys (see disclaimers contained in original posting) unless their wives/significant others are OK with it, and I don't have sex with them anyway. I didn't want to frighten or truly gross out anyone.

David
possibly-overly-worried orthodox guy

PPS: When I saw "struggling to be nice" and mentally automatically reversed it (how do you think I come up with all those bad puns, anyway?) I just had to make a joke about it being "nice to be struggling," as it... it was just there, as if the universe was saying, "Here -- take it! It's for you!" (This last bit paraphrased from a Very Silly Person I met once in Real Life.)

PPPS: I need more coffee.
 

---

Posted by starbelly (# 25) on :
 
Where else could a thread about Evangelicals develop into a conversation about Gold plated Bras and Leather?

Welcome to the Ship.

Neil
 

---

Posted by Ham'n'Eggs (# 629) on :
 
David,

How could you allow this avowed troll to tie you up in knots like this?

You're being way too nice. He needs to be handcuffed, and to await the tender ministries of a host.

Or mince him into the pigswill.
 

---

Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 
Oh, he's not got me upset -- but babybear is nice and I didn't mean to make her upset. (Of course if I really thought that PestPen was truly worried I was going to stalk him or something I'd be VERY unhappy -- having been stalked myself for real I take that kind of thing extremely seriously!)

Hugs all... I don't think, from what I perceive as a semi-humourous tone, from the other posters, that others are genuinely upset. But I don't want to offend a Very Nice Fellow Bear at all!!

David
 

---

Posted by babybear (# 34) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by ChastMastr:
Oh, he's not got me upset -- but babybear is nice and I didn't mean to make her upset.

---

Well "Duh!". Surely you don't need loads of smilies to know when someone is joking.

bb
 

---

Posted by Stephen (# 40) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by babybear:

quote:

---

Originally posted by ChastMastr:
Oh, he's not got me upset -- but babybear is nice and I didn't mean to make her upset.

---

Well "Duh!". Surely you don't need loads of smilies to know when someone is joking.

bb

---

No,you just need loads of smilies for whatever reason!!!!!
 

---

Posted by mysticlisa (# 2867) on :
 
Oh dear CM... please don't sweat it! You had me ROFLOL (loved the "nice to be...").

As to PestPen... did y'all truly expect a humble apology from someone arrogant enough to post his CV on the web and flaunt his creds in every post???

Guess what PP... you're not the only Post Hole Digger on the boards. You would think someone with alphabet behind his name would be able to post his hellish attack in a way that makes his point clear. Your generalizations are ridiculous and pathetic.

But thank you. The responses you received from my shipmates gave me an hour's worth of giggles.

(Erin... do you give lessons??? I would love to be able to snap and growl like you!!!)
 

---

Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 
*profound relief*

Still and all, though, I think, even for Hell, I've been yammering on about leather etc. a bit too much lately, and I do apologise to, well, everyone. I'm going to try to post a bit less often (and/or less detail) about it, though as it's part of my life (and philosophy) I won't avoid it altogether. But there's a bit of a difference between serious discussion of the value of hierarchy, or what I learned from my (earthly) master -- and joke after joke after joke about bondage gear.

Many sincere apologies, and *hugs* *hugs* and more *hugs* to all!

David
penitent orthodox guy
 

---

Posted by locust-eater (# 2940) on :
 
Are those bear hugs, David?

-le
 

---

Posted by Lifeman (# 579) on :
 
Ultraspike,

Your Texan big-ass kick has all the moral authority of your President Bush preaching to Robert Mugabe about democracy, after rigging a bogus election (with his brother's help) and on a minority vote!
 

---

Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by locust-eater:
Are those bear hugs, David?

---

No, just hugs.
 

---

Posted by Louise (# 30) on :
 
A special troll float for Lifeman.
 

---

Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 
This Lifeman thing really confuses me.

Years ago, in Miss Monica's dungeon, I was charged with having Lifeman for lunch.

It was an unpleasant job, but somebody had to do it.

Unfortunately, the meal didn't agree with my tummy and I had a little incident of "spit-up."

But I assure you all that I kept most of the meal down. The only thing that I pitched up was this little stringy thing that looked like some white boy's dreadlock.

I am absolutely horrified that, out of that golem, Lifeman regenerated himself.

I profoundly apologize to all Shipmates for my lack of thoroughness. I promise that, the next time I eat Lifeman for lunch, he will stay et.

tomb
(off to purchase a year's supply of Pepto-bismol)
 

---

Posted by Lifeman (# 579) on :
 
Tomb,

I suggest something more plaetable for you -

A good helping of
Some English Strawberrys
 

---

Posted by Lifeman (# 579) on :
 
Tomb,

I suggest something more paletable for you -

A good helping of Roast Beef of Olde England followed by some English Strawberrys and Cream.

With best regards

Lifeman

PS If you speak to Woody, kindly ask him why he wishes me ill. I don't recall ever having had a go at the Welsh and anything I've said about the USA has been true.
Anyway, here's a list of Americans, past and prsent, who I regard as seriously cool (in no particular order and not exclusive):-

Alice Cooper
Axl Rose
Martin Luther King
John McEnroe
John Brown
Bill Clinton
Tony Campolo
Jon Bon Jovi
Scott Peck
Gregory Peck
Abe Lincoln
Chevy Chase
Mohammed Ali
Erin (that's Erin Brokavich by the way)
 

---

Posted by Erin (# 2) on :
 

quote:

---

anything I've said about the USA has been true

---

You are either a damned liar or an ignorant jackass if you really believe this. I can count four things you've said on this thread alone that could not be more wrong if you tried.
 

---

Posted by Wood (# 7) on :
 
Well, you called me 'Woody'.

Axl Rose??
 

---

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
Last I looked, the plural of "berry" was "berries."

Alexis
 

---

Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
Lifeman, you're just jealous. If you would learn to appreciate your own country, you wouldn't need to slag mine.

Another thing, Bill Clinton is not "cool". He is big liar and womanizer. The worst of it is the lying. He is good looking, charming and fairly intelligent. He could have been a good president, but no...he had to have no moral fortitude.

He seriously doesn't belong on a list with the venerable Martin Luther King Jr who pushed peace and wisdom...leadership for all Americans, not just non-whites. He wasn't perfect (liked women too) but at least he didn't make it our problem like Bill Clinton did.

Ok...off my soapbox. Tomb, I wish you'd try harder to eat this guy up. Have you tried soaking him in a good marinade and then barbecue?
 

---

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
Bill Clinton didn't make his womanizing Our Problem. Kenneth Starr did.

Alexis
 

---

Posted by Nightlamp (# 266) on :
 
Who started Kenneth star and his investigations? wasn't that congress?
 

---

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
A "We'll Get Clinton No Matter What" subset of Congress, yes.

Alexis
 

---

Posted by Lifeman (# 579) on :
 
Well, I still think Bill Clinton's pretty cool -

He presided over the longest period of sustained growth in the U.S. for decades, he seemed to have something of a social conscience (unlike Bush and Reagan), he plays a mean saxaphone and tried harder to resolve the Palestinian issue than any other President I can think of.

I can't condone what he did in the Oval Office (what was really unpardonable was that he kept
Nelson Mandela waiting while he did it)but if anyone of us was married to a power hungry, social climber like Hilary, who's to say that we would'nt have done the same?

What really saddens me is that if Bush Jnr.had'nt been elected (I use the word 'elected' in the loosest sense of the word), we just might be seeing some progress in the middle east. There might not even have been a Sep. 11th if Clinton was still in power!
 

---

Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by duchess:
...
Ok...off my soapbox. Tomb, I wish you'd try harder to eat this guy up. Have you tried soaking him in a good marinade and then barbecue?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lifeman:
I can't condone what he did in the Oval Office (what was really unpardonable was that he kept Nelson Mandela waiting while he did it)but if anyone of us was married to a power hungry, social climber like Hilary, who's to say that we would'nt have done the same?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lifeman:
Tomb,

Correct me if I'm mistaken but I seem to recall your main preoccupation when we shared a dungeon together was Miss Monica's knickers!

...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lifeman:
Well, I still think Bill Clinton's pretty cool -

---

quote:

---

He presided over the longest period of sustained growth in the U.S. for decades,

---

quote:

---

he seemed to have something of a social conscience (unlike Bush and Reagan), he plays a mean saxaphone and tried harder to resolve the Palestinian issue than any other President I can think of.

---

quote:

---

What really saddens me is that if Bush Jnr.had'nt been elected (I use the word 'elected' in the loosest sense of the word), we just might be seeing some progress in the middle east. There might not even have been a Sep. 11th if Clinton was still in power!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lifeman:
if anyone of us was married to a power hungry, social climber like Hilary, who's to say that we would'nt have done the same?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lifeman:
Well, I still think Bill Clinton's pretty cool -
if anyone of us was married to a power hungry, social climber like Hilary, who's to say that we would'nt have done the same?
There might not even have been a Sep. 11th if Clinton was still in power!

---

I can't believe I just read that!!
No wonder Lifeman's real name is Maverick (see profile)..........

BTW, Dyfrig, when you are cleaning windows I hope you don't use the same brush as you use to clean the Ship's lavs
 

---

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
Ships don't have lavs they have heads.

Alexis
 

---

Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Scot:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lifeman:
if anyone of us was married to a power hungry, social climber like Hilary, who's to say that we would'nt have done the same?

---

... DO NOT project your inability (or Clinton's) to control yourself onto me.

---

Wait, Scot -- if he's attributing his and Clinton's inability to control himself to Hilary... and you're saying he's projecting it onto you... you don't mean to say that in real life, you're... you're...

David
just couldn't resist that one, but at least it's not yet another reference to you-know-what
 

---

Posted by Scot (# 2095) on :
 
Alas, you've found me out, David. Be sure not to tell anyone. Oh wait...

scot
 

---

Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 
Oops! Sorry. Fear not, though, ma'am -- you've still got my vote!

David

 

---

Posted by Arietty (# 45) on :
 
I do not like all this talk of Lifeman and Bill Clinton projecting things onto each other.

I just hope neither of them inhaled.
 

---

Posted by Lifeman (# 579) on :
 
Arietty,

Further to your comment about inhalation, I've given some thought to my earlier comments about Bill Clinton and much register distaste about Mr
Clinton's use of a cigar with Monica. What I find particularly offensive is the type of cigar used.

One thing we Brits are very bad at making is cigars (generally machine-rolling cheap tobacco from Virginia and Honduras). Things like Benson and Hedges' Hamlets are best used for Mr Clinton's purposes but he reputably used a Cuban cigar (for all I know a Monte Christo No. 4!) and this I find both wasteful and thoroughly dispectful to what are the best cigars in the world.

I was surprised though that no one has seen fit to praise Mr Clinton for talents as a saxaphonist
(or to Erin, would that be 'sexophonist'?).
 

---

Posted by Lev (# 50) on :
 
Well I think Bill was a pretty good pres. I heard a speech he made last year that was very good. I didn't quite buy his arguments about the missile shield, but his thoughts on third world economies, and how to improve them were very positive.

His speech is here: The Struggle for the Soul of the 21st century

I can't quite remember how Eddie Izzard put it, but he made some balanced comments on the affair thing, running along the lines of: Stalin killed 20 million... Clinton had an affair. He could have done a lot worse.

....Lev
 

---

Posted by King Raptor (# 1889) on :
 
I think that, the Monica Lewinski affair apart, President Clinton was quite a good President who did his job well and, although he lied initially saiyng "I did not have sex with that woman" he confessed that he lied and his standing and public esteem was improved because of this.

I think only his wife should have sucked his penis, though.
 

---

Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lifeman:
Arietty,

Further to your comment about inhalation, I've given some thought to my earlier comments about Bill Clinton and much register distaste about Mr
Clinton's use of a cigar with Monica. What I find particularly offensive is the type of cigar used.

One thing we Brits are very bad at making is cigars (generally machine-rolling cheap tobacco from Virginia and Honduras). Things like Benson and Hedges' Hamlets are best used for Mr Clinton's purposes but he reputably used a Cuban cigar (for all I know a Monte Christo No. 4!) and this I find both wasteful and thoroughly dispectful to what are the best cigars in the world.

I was surprised though that no one has seen fit to praise Mr Clinton for talents as a saxaphonist
(or to Erin, would that be 'sexophonist'?).

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lifeman:
Arietty,

Further to your comment about inhalation, I've given some thought to my earlier comments about Bill Clinton and much register distaste about Mr
Clinton's use of a cigar with Monica. What I find particularly offensive is the type of cigar used.

One thing we Brits are very bad at making is cigars (generally machine-rolling cheap tobacco from Virginia and Honduras). Things like Benson and Hedges' Hamlets are best used for Mr Clinton's purposes but he reputably used a Cuban cigar (for all I know a Monte Christo No. 4!) and this I find both wasteful and thoroughly dispectful to what are the best cigars in the world.

I was surprised though that no one has seen fit to praise Mr Clinton for talents as a saxaphonist
(or to Erin, would that be 'sexophonist'?).

---

{clap}

...

{clap}

...

{clap}

The world must be coming to an end. Lifeman's trying to be clever. Next thing you know, aliens will land and suck out his brain and the world will be a better place because they'll starve to death and leave the rest of us alone.

Smoke whatever you like, Lifeman, or stick it where the sun don't shine.
 

---

Posted by Lifeman (# 579) on :
 
Tomb,

First of all may I wish you and all your fellow Americans a most excellent Independence Day.

Secondly, I aliens coming to earth to eat human brain.

You must have seen Peter Jackson's superlative comedy/horror 'Bad Taste'. My Congratulations on your good taste in watching such movies.

When are you next visiting the U.K?
 

---

Posted by Lifeman (# 579) on :
 
Tomb,

There are some words missed out of the second sentence of my previous posting but I think you get the drift that I was interested in your comments in your own most recent posting about aliens coming to earth.
 

---

Posted by King Raptor (# 1889) on :
 
Ah yes, this thread truly has the stamp of the `Lifeman' upon it
 

---

Posted by Willyburger (# 658) on :
 
Yea, well, this thread hit full-circle when lavs and heads came up. Right back to the OP....

Willy
 

---

Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lifeman:
Tomb,

There are some words missed out of the second sentence of my previous posting but I think you get the drift that I was interested in your comments in your own most recent posting about aliens coming to earth.

---

quote:

---

Tomb,
First of all may I wish you and all your fellow Americans a most excellent Independence Day.
Secondly, I aliens coming to earth to eat human brain.

You must have seen Peter Jackson's superlative comedy/horror 'Bad Taste'. My Congratulations on your good taste in watching such movies.
When are you next visiting the U.K?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by tomb:
The parade made up for its brevity by going around twice. Although we enjoyed it when the denizens of the local bar came by the second time throwing Jolly Rancher candy, the excitement paled somewhat when the entire congregation of the local community church motored by on a flatbed truck reprising "Shine, Jesus, Shine" out of tune.

---

I wish I'd been there.
 

---

Posted by sarkycow (# 1012) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by tomb:
Although we enjoyed it when the denizens of the local bar came by the second time throwing Jolly Rancher candy, the excitement paled somewhat when the entire congregation of the local community church motored by on a flatbed truck reprising "Shine, Jesus, Shine" out of tune.

---

Did you have no water pistols to hand? Shame on you!

Viki
 

---

Posted by Moo (# 107) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by RuthW:
And plenty of Americans will already know this, but our friends might be interested to know that Adams and Jefferson both died on the 50th anniversary of the adoption of the Declaration - 4 July 1826.

---

I wish I could remember which one it was whose last words were "Thank God [the other one] still lives."

This is significant because at one time they were bitter political rivals.

Moo
 

---

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
It was Adams; what he said was "Thomas Jefferson survives."

Which in fact wasn't true -- Jefferson had died a few hours earlier.

James Monroe (5th president under the current constitution) also died on the Fourth of July, although in 1831.

Reader Alexis
 

---

Posted by Lifeman (# 579) on :
 
Eveyone's gone off at tangents. I thought we were
discussing the pros and cons of Bill Clinton!
 

---

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
Why are we not surprised, Lifeman?

Alexis
 

---

Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lifeman:
Eveyone's gone off at tangents. I thought we were discussing the pros and cons of Bill Clinton!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by tomb:
And, Lifeman, FWIW, Clinton isn't a con; he was acquited. But he is a pro.

---

Can I tell a really old joke? Can I, can I? Please?

Aw, thanks tomb

If pro is the opposite of con, what's the opposite of progress?

Viki
 

---

Posted by Ultraspike (# 268) on :
 
Lifeboy, you come on down to Texas with me next time I go and we'll teach you a thang or two about moral authority.
 

---

Posted by Lifeman (# 579) on :
 
Thanks for the invite, Ultraspike. I'll keep you posted.
 

---

Posted by King Raptor (# 1889) on :
 

quote:

---

Lifeboy, you come on down to Texas with me next time I go and we'll teach you a thang or two about moral authority.

---

Hey Spikeygurlie if Lifeboy ain't interested ah'll doggone come over from lil' ol' England, - Yeeeeeeeeeeehah! (Do you wear spurs, baby?)
 

---

Posted by Lifeman (# 579) on :
 
Make sure you spank her tight little ass whilst your're over there King Raptor; she deserves it.
 

---

Posted by Ultraspike (# 268) on :
 
Sounds like you two boys both need a good ass-kickin'. KR, I'll take you to the Broken Spoke and we'll see how much you like spurs.
 

---

Posted by King Raptor (# 1889) on :
 
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooh
 

---

Posted by King Raptor (# 1889) on :
 
The broken spoke sounds like mah kinda place baby
good beer, good women and good ol' country buckin'
broncos
 

---

Posted by Ultraspike (# 268) on :
 
And I bet you'd fit right in, KR. Ever done any ropin' and ridin'?

CM, I'm all over this one so just back off.
 

---

Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 
(uncontrollable snickering)

Well, I didn't say anything.

Tsk, tsk. I go off to cavort in the woods with bears for four days and this is what you do...

... I should do this more often!
 

---

Posted by babybear (# 34) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by ChastMastr:
Tsk, tsk. I go off to cavort in the woods with bears for four days and this is what you do...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by babybear:

quote:

---

Originally posted by ChastMastr:
Tsk, tsk. I go off to cavort in the woods with bears for four days and this is what you do...

---

Any just what happened to my invitation?

bb

---

Ah, but as a babybear, you're underage for cavortin'. Let us know when you're 18, or 21, whichever is applicable in your area.

David
needs to update his Bear Code
 

---

Posted by Martin PC not (# 368) on :
 
As the fundiest person here, I wonder whether there is any future in dialectic with a person who, although they know how to use 'rebarbative' to engage my repellent attempts at wit, does not know what the singular of phenomena is, as in 'An especially common phenomena'.

I'm just an old Lancastrian with a 3rd me, that's what you get for allowing pebble dash, terraced, council house (project) kids in to grammar school. You have to go to Oxford to encounter the source of the phenomenon of rebarbative, anti-Catholic, fundamentalist, barbarism which I used to display as a kid. Now Cambridge ...

My favourite sesquipedalian word at the moment ... apart from that - is the awesomely onomatopoeic borborygmus.
 

---

Posted by Hercule (# 2943) on :
 
Phenomenamus? Phoneme? Pheromone?
 

---

Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Hercule:
Phenomenamus? Phoneme? Pheromone?

---

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