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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Heaven: Future history of the Ship
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Never Conforming
Aspiring to Something
# 4054
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Posted
March 2007 The same certain mad scientist's new invention goes a bit wrong when the number of visitors to see Erin drops (causing her to lose a lot of weight fast and changing the variables for the calculations etc). The machine dies causing a large amount of radiation to be released causing Erin to have Hulk like transformations when angry or annoyed. Uh oh...
April 2007 The formerly overcrowded Islands of Great Britain and Ireland are now only sparsely populated as those who weren't munched by Erin up and leave. Chorister stays on Dartmoor as she doesn't reckon Erin can hack the walk from Scotland, but other than that everyone emigrates.
[ 17. August 2003, 11:14: Message edited by: Never Conforming ]
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I used to poison Student Minds™ and am proud to have done so
Never Conforming in the Surreal World
Posts: 1419 | From: Oop Norf | Registered: Feb 2003
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balaam
Making an ass of myself
# 4543
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Posted
JULY 2007 Worst Film Ever poll in Hell won by "Terminator 5 - The Machines Strike Back". President Swartzenegger declares Ship Of Fools illegal. Erin (now 3 miles long) declares war on America.
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Last ever sig ...
blog
Posts: 9049 | From: Hen Ogledd | Registered: May 2003
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Miffy
Ship's elephant
# 1438
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Posted
AUGUST 2007: On her return from exile in France, Miffy is a) most put out at not yet having had a mention on this thread b) deeply offended at certain allusions to fluffy bunnies and parties. ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
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"I don't feel like smiling." "You're English dear; fake it!" (Colin Firth "Easy Virtue")
Growing Greenpatches
Posts: 4739 | From: The Kitchen | Registered: Oct 2001
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balaam
Making an ass of myself
# 4543
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Posted
SEPTEMBER 2007: Miffy the bunny accidently comes across the site of Erins Atomic accident. Grows 10 feet tall and turns invisible. (Feel better now Miffy?) Wood takes over running of boards. No one notices.
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Last ever sig ...
blog
Posts: 9049 | From: Hen Ogledd | Registered: May 2003
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JellyHead
# 3880
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Posted
NOVEMBER 2005: After the successful experiment of the Ark v3 the ship boards go 3D. Shortly after various shipmates report problems with their avatars. Dolphy is beached; Smudgie overheats; Pyx_e is proved to be physically as well as mentally unstable; Starbelly seeps through the floor; Chapelhead's pages are stuck together and TheGreenTea is sick of being used as crockery.
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One whole cucumber sandwich short of a picnic.
Posts: 308 | From: Up in the treehouse | Registered: Jan 2003
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Janine
The Endless Simmer
# 3337
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Posted
Um - Jellyhead - my avatar is a member of a harem.
What does your post mean for me?
Posts: 13788 | From: Below the Bible Belt | Registered: Sep 2002
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Celsti
Shipmate
# 4523
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Posted
August, 2300
The mummy of St Graham of Kendrick is placed on display in an anonymous location, with a live streaming webcam link to the Ship. This causes an immediate division, with some Shipmates claiming St Graham has healing powers, and some declaring, and I quote, "Keyboards are only for typing".
The Ship becomes an independent nation, with its own constitution, government, flag and national anthem (after some discussion, Amazing Grace was dumped in favour of Jesus Loves Me). Citizen's rights become the subject of a record 600 threads across all boards, with some members campaigning against non-consultory message editing and perfunctory classification of messages. After a rebellion led by a faction of Jesuits, Smudgie is elected Empress, not because of her political or religious views, but because of her pro-chocolate stance.
The badly decayed body of Ken was removed from a London basement and taken to a laboratory, where it was discovered that his eating habits had actually caused every cell in his body to change into cow proteins. Strangely enough, his cells also contained about five percent human DNA - but it was not his own!!
Finally, rampaging Mystery Worshippers invaded a church in Lyon, France, and demolished it after being told for the five thousand and fifty-seventh time that there was no after service coffee. Said one dusty, bleeding, bruised MW, as he brandished a piece of stained glass, "I can't take it!! There's never any! Even a glass of water and a piece of cabbage would have been fine - but I've been a Mystery Worshipper for forty-eight years and I've never been offered a beverage!!"
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Gunwog gumwam gore gadum, Nuda beiwud nadug, manedjare wengi, nuda ganmargmanbun. Mark 1:11, Gunwinggu.
Posts: 787 | From: the beyonderland | Registered: May 2003
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ChastMastr
Shipmate
# 716
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Posted
SEPTEMBER 2007: The new movie Erin versus Miffy (with special guest star Gamera) debuts to record numbers.
JULY 2008: The new movie Erin versus Mecha-Erin debuts.
AUGUST 2008: On cable, Erin: The Animated Series debuts, and old Izod shirts are suddenly taking in record amounts of cash on eBay. The theme music ("Up from the depths, thirty stories high, breathing fire, her head in the sky...") becomes a smash CD.
David
Gamera is really neat, Gamera is turtle meat, we've been eating Gamera...
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My essays on comics continuity: http://chastmastr.tumblr.com/tagged/continuity
Posts: 14068 | From: Clearwater, Florida | Registered: Jul 2001
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JellyHead
# 3880
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Janine:
Um - Jellyhead - my avatar is a member of a harem.
What does your post mean for me?
![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
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One whole cucumber sandwich short of a picnic.
Posts: 308 | From: Up in the treehouse | Registered: Jan 2003
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Pyx_e
Quixotic Tilter
# 57
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Posted
January 2004 : Simon gets bored and pulls the plug.
P
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It is better to be Kind than right.
Posts: 9778 | From: The Dark Tower | Registered: May 2001
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georgia
Shipmate
# 4875
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Posted
Aug 2003 ...later this month
Ship mates recognise apprentices claiming to have a revelation of the truth need a board of their own.New board " Outer Darkness ' established. Hosted by a Bot and a radish.Posters detained until they agree not to see the light anymore.
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'I am not much in the mood for deep talk.'. Daisy Ashford
Posts: 129 | Registered: Aug 2003
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Arrietty
Ship's borrower
# 45
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Posted
Jan 3006 - Newbie starts thread called 'Harry Potter and the Giant Bottle of Gin Go To Mornington Crescent' in Heaven. Multiple simultaneous posts by TonyK, Smudgie, Fr Fiddleback, Dolphy, Chasmastr and Nightlamp set up such rapid oscillation of the thread between Heaven, Hell, MW and Dead Horses that the Ship is capsized.
Simon asks for money to refloat it.
Wood becomes Supreme Pan-Galactic Controller of Religious Affairs, putting him in charge of all major world religions and Anglo-Catholicism. No-one notices.
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i-church
Online Mission and Ministry
Posts: 6634 | From: Coventry, UK | Registered: May 2001
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Duo Seraphim*
Sea lawyer
# 3251
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Professor Yaffle:
January 2010: Jesuitical Lad elected Pope Pius XIII. He declares Mary to be co-redemptrix, along with Cardinal Ratzinger, Pius IX and Monsignor Lefebrve. Asked to justify this decision he posts a link on Ship of Fools with two entries from the Catholic Encylopedia and an article in First Things.
February 2010: Entire Roman Catholic Church, except for Pope Pius XIII and Mrs Bridget O'Flaherty excommunicated for lack of fidelity to the Magisterium.
June 2010: As a result of her excommunication,multipara establishes the New Improved Catholic Church and is elected Pope. All hymns written in the 1970s are banned and marriage according to orientation becomes compulsory for the clergy.
July 2010: Sine Nomine holds a dinner party.
August 2010: Pope Pius XIII issues his Anathema against the New Improved Catholic Church, supported with links to three encyclicals and the entire Catholic Encylopedia. Pope multipara I declares him Anti-Pope and calls him a shocker.
September 2010: Pyx_e pays a compliment to IntellectByProxy, who becomes seriously concerned for Pyx_e's health. Sine Nomine holds a dinner party.
October 2010: RooK is revealed as a 65 year Daughter of the American Revolution, with a fondness for interior design and Persian cats.
November 2010: Pope multipara I announces union with the remaining Anglo-Catholic churches in Sydney. They turn out to be more Catholic than the Pope.
December 2010: Nunc Dimmittis performs her heroic "Evensong for Mixed Voices with Ten Organs". At the first thunderous chord, Archbishop Jensen falls frothing on the floor. He is carried away on an altar with wheels.
January 2011: Martin PCNot's posts turn out to be a code, containing an unsuspected Mystery of Fatima.
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2^8, eight bits to a byte
Posts: 3967 | From: Sydney Australia | Registered: Aug 2002
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Grits
Compassionate fundamentalist
# 4169
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Posted
2015: Laura, Duo Seraphim, Dyfrig, Tortuf, Presleyterian and the other lawyer-types desert the SoF to begin their own board, which they name "Ship of Shysters". After 6 months it is deemed a failure, as the only posters have been ChastMastr with a "Great board, guys! ![[Love]](graemlins/lovedrops.gif) ", and Pyx_e and IbP wanting to sue each other for defamation of character.
2020: Biblical scholars determine that the actual translation of the passages in John 1 should read, "And the Wood became flesh and dwelt among us...", therefore leading them to declare that Wood is God. No one notices.
[ 19. August 2003, 04:09: Message edited by: G.R.I.T.S. ]
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Lord, fill my mouth with worthwhile stuff, and shut it when I've said enough. Amen.
Posts: 8419 | From: Nashville, TN | Registered: Feb 2003
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ChastMastr
Shipmate
# 716
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Posted
2008: Tiring of being sent via mail, Sven the Moose decides to send Wood to Shipmates, and requiring that he post his adventures with a Swedish accent. Wood protests, as he is in fact a Norwegian Wood.
David
isn't it good?
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My essays on comics continuity: http://chastmastr.tumblr.com/tagged/continuity
Posts: 14068 | From: Clearwater, Florida | Registered: Jul 2001
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dyfrig
Blue Scarfed Menace
# 15
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Posted
August 2003 Tired of being ignored, Wood strips naked, paints himself blue and runs throughn the Greenbelt campsite shouting, "Look at me! I'm Wood!"
Nobody notices.
[UBB Code edited]
[ 20. August 2003, 13:26: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
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"He was wrong in the long run, but then, who isn't?" - Tony Judt
Posts: 6917 | From: pob dydd Iau, am hanner dydd | Registered: Apr 2001
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Pyx_e
Quixotic Tilter
# 57
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Posted
2003: In a fit of pique Dyfrig strips naked, paints himself with a blue stripe and runs through the Greenbelt campsite shouting, "We are all Priests."
Everybody says "Bloody Readers!"
P
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It is better to be Kind than right.
Posts: 9778 | From: The Dark Tower | Registered: May 2001
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Arrietty
Ship's borrower
# 45
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Posted
2003: In a fit of pique Pyx_e strips naked, paints himself with a blue stripe and runs through the Greenbelt campsite shouting, "No Through Woad!"
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i-church
Online Mission and Ministry
Posts: 6634 | From: Coventry, UK | Registered: May 2001
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Pyx_e
Quixotic Tilter
# 57
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Posted
....... Greenbelt attendance doubles.
P
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It is better to be Kind than right.
Posts: 9778 | From: The Dark Tower | Registered: May 2001
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Ann
Curious
# 94
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Posted
2004: In a fit of pique Pyx_e strips naked, paints himself with a red stripe and runs through the Greenbelt campsite.
Police are called in to arrest the cycle-path.
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Ann
Posts: 3271 | From: IO 91 PI | Registered: May 2001
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Pyx_e
Quixotic Tilter
# 57
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Posted
nice 1000th post, I do like to see somebody not wasting such a milestone on some old nonsense but using it a constructive, funny and oh so true way.
![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif)
P
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It is better to be Kind than right.
Posts: 9778 | From: The Dark Tower | Registered: May 2001
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Gremlin
Ship's Cryptanalyst
# 129
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Posted
01 September, 2003 07:45 PM, Wood becomes a host in All Saints, and nobody notices.
Gremlin.
p.s. *BUMP*
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Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
Oh I get it... like humour... but different.
Posts: 5221 | From: Isle of Man | Registered: May 2001
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Rev per Minute
Shipmate
# 69
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Gremlin:
01 September, 2003 07:45 PM, Wood becomes a host in All Saints, and nobody notices.
Gremlin.
Oh come on: the rest of this thread was fairly believable, then you go and post this sort of unrealistic nonsense. How could Wood become a Host?
Honestly... ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
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"Allons-y!" "Geronimo!" "Oh, for God's sake!" The Day of the Doctor
At the end of the day, we face our Maker alongside Jesus. RIP ken
Posts: 2696 | From: my desk (if I can find the keyboard under this mess) | Registered: May 2001
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Jen.
Godless Liberal
# 3131
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Rhisiart:
Wood
who?
J
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Was Jenny Ann, but fancied being more minimal.
Posts: 5318 | From: Manchester, England | Registered: Aug 2002
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Gremlin
Ship's Cryptanalyst
# 129
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Rhisiart:
quote:
Originally posted by Gremlin:
01 September, 2003 07:45 PM, Wood becomes a host in All Saints, and nobody notices.
Gremlin.
Oh come on: the rest of this thread was fairly believable, then you go and post this sort of unrealistic nonsense. How could Wood become a Host?
Honestly...
Okay, so you're right... but at least it avoided the thread getting culled by Belisarius. ![[Devil]](graemlins/devil.gif)
Gremlin
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Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
Oh I get it... like humour... but different.
Posts: 5221 | From: Isle of Man | Registered: May 2001
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ChastMastr
Shipmate
# 716
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Posted
October 2003: Wood decides to use his incredible invisibility powers for good, and saves many lives. Nobody notices, of course...
David
has never actually got the joke about Wood's being unnoticed, actually
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My essays on comics continuity: http://chastmastr.tumblr.com/tagged/continuity
Posts: 14068 | From: Clearwater, Florida | Registered: Jul 2001
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dyfrig
Blue Scarfed Menace
# 15
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Posted
February 2008: Simon makes first post in 4 1/2 years. The thread is derailed by 18 replies welcoming him to the Ship and hoping that he'll stick around.
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"He was wrong in the long run, but then, who isn't?" - Tony Judt
Posts: 6917 | From: pob dydd Iau, am hanner dydd | Registered: Apr 2001
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
Same month: Simon posts and so many newbies haven't seen his amazing animated avatar that the world's emergency switchboards are all jammed at once with millions of SOS messages saying they have seen a sinking ship. ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
Dateline 7 September 2054 Cardiff, Wales
When Sir Kevin and Lady Carol (aka 'Zeke') return from their world tour, they retire to their stately Cumbrian manor. The Honourable Kevin Junior, all at sea when his nurse retires due to an overdose of photojournalism documentng said tour, (remember from earlier post where Sir Kevin's nurse drives, Lady Carol's nurse navigates or something and Junior's nurse takes photos) returns to his native Los Angeles and takes over the post of Mayor from his Uncle Todd! ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
Of course, we take it for granted that you all remember how, after emigrating to the UK at age 60, Sir Kevin saved Welsh Water by taking over as Managing Director and thus made the New Year' Honours List in 2016.
By the way Simon's great-grandaughter Simone is doing a wonderful job of running the Ship! ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
You're wrong there on that last one, Sir Kevin. By 2032, Erin has had herself cloned, and runs the Ship in perpetuity. Someone called Dyfrig posts periodically to ask who Wood is, but never gets any answer. Several people post to ask who Dyfrig is. Chorister has passed the million post mark, and changes her name to something that people can actually type straight off, such as C, to celebrate.
Two new boards have been started. One is called Heck, a lighter version of Hell where bunnies can play Blasted Word Association and Everlasting Effing Sentences to their hearts' content. The second is called Bilges, and is kept for trolls and passing lunatics. In its first week, it notches up a record million hits and is the most heavily posted on.
TnT has given way to the Seven Deadly Sins being featured each in turn. This year's theme is Gluttony, and the board is full of recipes, memories of gourmet meals, advice on indigestion, sharing of diet experiences, a couple of threads about the joys of puking and good places to throw up, and as a concession to the spirit of the boards one thread on St Paul's comments about what is and is not permissible for Christians to eat.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
Oi, Ariel! I am lookihg forward to Seven Deadly Sins! Will it teach me how to cook?
![[Not worthy!]](graemlins/notworthy.gif)
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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Erin
Meaner than Godzilla
# 2
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Posted
September 2003: the Community Editor freaks out over seventeen too many polls in Heaven and revokes Sir Kevin's poll starting abilities. Shipmates around the world rejoice.
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Commandment number one: shut the hell up.
Posts: 17140 | From: 330 miles north of paradise | Registered: Mar 2001
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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Miffy
Ship's elephant
# 1438
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sir Kevin:
Oi, Ariel! I am lookihg forward to Seven Deadly Sins! Will it teach me how to cook?
Mmmm...We worked our way through some of them this Summer, (French versions of!)They sound so much more exciting in another language.
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"I don't feel like smiling." "You're English dear; fake it!" (Colin Firth "Easy Virtue")
Growing Greenpatches
Posts: 4739 | From: The Kitchen | Registered: Oct 2001
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Miffy
Ship's elephant
# 1438
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Posted
October 2007 - sees a dreadful accident in Erin's atomic bathouse involving Stoo, a frozen free-range Cornish chicken and a bottle of Chateau Paintstripper. Miffy the mutant bunny rabbit and Number One suspect is nowhere to be found. However, local delis report an upsurge in the sale of Lapin Chasseur.
Posts: 4739 | From: The Kitchen | Registered: Oct 2001
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Nightlamp
Shipmate
# 266
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by ChastMastr:
October 2003: Wood decides to use his incredible invisibility powers for good, and saves many lives. Nobody notices, of course...
David
has never actually got the joke about Wood's being unnoticed, actually
Well he became a host of Purgatory recently and well no one noticed...
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I don't know what you are talking about so it couldn't have been that important- Nightlamp
Posts: 8442 | From: Midlands | Registered: May 2001
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Pyx_e
Quixotic Tilter
# 57
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Posted
I did.
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It is better to be Kind than right.
Posts: 9778 | From: The Dark Tower | Registered: May 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Miffy:
Mmmm...We worked our way through some of them this Summer, (French versions of!)They sound so much more exciting in another language.
You've been on a summer course in France to learn how to sin?
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Grits
Compassionate fundamentalist
# 4169
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Posted
From Pyx_e:
quote:
I did.
Patience, my friend. The time of the insurrection is nigh.
January 2005 -- Pxy_e (and a few hand-selected shipmates) overthrows the administration of SoF, and Pxy_e is named "Lord High Administrator and Hosts of All Boards". To the surprise of many he appoints IntellectbyProxy as his second-in-command. He then appoints Wood as Prime Minister of Threads and Posts. No one notices.
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Lord, fill my mouth with worthwhile stuff, and shut it when I've said enough. Amen.
Posts: 8419 | From: Nashville, TN | Registered: Feb 2003
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ChrisT
One of the Good Guys™
# 62
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
You've been on a summer course in France to learn how to sin?
But they do it sooo much better than us.
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Firmly on dry land
Posts: 6489 | From: Here, there and everywhere | Registered: May 2001
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Miffy
Ship's elephant
# 1438
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
quote:
Originally posted by Miffy:
Mmmm...We worked our way through some of them this Summer, (French versions of!)They sound so much more exciting in another language.
You've been on a summer course in France to learn how to sin?
Ariel, think 'Magnum!'
--------------------
"I don't feel like smiling." "You're English dear; fake it!" (Colin Firth "Easy Virtue")
Growing Greenpatches
Posts: 4739 | From: The Kitchen | Registered: Oct 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Miffy:
Ariel, think 'Magnum!'
I'm none the wiser. Are we talking handguns, bottles of champagne, or hardboiled detectives?
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Pyx_e
Quixotic Tilter
# 57
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Posted
ice cream
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It is better to be Kind than right.
Posts: 9778 | From: The Dark Tower | Registered: May 2001
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Miffy
Ship's elephant
# 1438
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Pyx_e:
ice cream
Got it in one, Pyx_e.
And doesn't gourmandise sound so much more fun than gluttony .
Posts: 4739 | From: The Kitchen | Registered: Oct 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
Ice cream was the sole subject of your Seven Deadly Sins?
... Miffy angrily punched the others out of the way so she could get to the ice cream first, hoarding all the supplies and looking round for more in case anyone else had managed to get a bigger stash than she had. She then sensuously devoured as much as she could hold, and felt very proud of herself. She then sat around for a while thinking about doing it again ...
Well, I suppose it's possible.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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dyfrig
Blue Scarfed Menace
# 15
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Posted
865 After ChrisT develops a time machine, some American shipmates enter Abraham Lincoln's theatre box and shout "duck"!
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"He was wrong in the long run, but then, who isn't?" - Tony Judt
Posts: 6917 | From: pob dydd Iau, am hanner dydd | Registered: Apr 2001
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Alan Cresswell
Mad Scientist 先生
# 31
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Dyfrig:
some American shipmates enter Abraham Lincoln's theatre box and shout "duck"!
The resulting revised timeline means that there's a slightly higher Democrate vote in Florida, George W Bush isn't elected as President and 95% of all threads in Purgatory disappear.
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Don't cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it.
Posts: 32413 | From: East Kilbride (Scotland) or 福島 | Registered: May 2001
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dyfrig
Blue Scarfed Menace
# 15
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Alan Cresswell:
The resulting revised timeline means that there's a slightly higher Democrate vote in Florida, George W Bush isn't elected as President
Al Gore moves into the White House. Nobody notices.
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"He was wrong in the long run, but then, who isn't?" - Tony Judt
Posts: 6917 | From: pob dydd Iau, am hanner dydd | Registered: Apr 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
September 2003: The Future History of the Ship Thread is moved to Limbo.
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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