• In order to be regarded as a thoughtful, intelligent poster it is best to pick a single subject you have an interest in, and post solely on that topic. Although this might at first appear to limit your scope for posting you will soon find that there is a surprising range of threads on which you can introduce your subject.
• A wide range of beliefs (and none) is expressed on SoF. Always remember, however, that Anglo-Catholicism is the One True Church any deviation from AC practice is wrong and deserves mockery.
• Avoid polysyllabic words starting with “E”.
• Remember this is a Christian website. In the heat of posting even experienced Shipmates sometimes forget this, especially in Hell. You should have no hesitation in reminding them of the nature of the site.
• The Mystery Worship board is not a place for Christian Unrest, do not attempt it there.
• The Hell board tends to get overrun with personal disputes. Try to spread these around the other boards as an alternative.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ariel:
One of the good things about SoF is that it is an international community made up of people from all over the world.

---

• Do not, in any circumstances, read the FAQs or the guidelines for the individual boards
• Never practise your UBB - just go for it!
• Use multiples of everybody's favourite smiley. Particularly in Hell.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Alan Cresswell:
Read the Dead Horses section (or, at least, sufficiently to know the sort of subjects discussed there).

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Arrietty:
Calling someone a 'fluffy bunny' is the highest compliment you can pay them.

---

 

---

Posted by Angel* (# 4690) on :
 
Do not worry about grammar and English usage.
Whether it is to or too, there or there etc.
Punctuation is not necessary anywhere on the boards.
 

---

Posted by Robert Miller (# 1459) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Angel*:
Do not worry about grammar and English usage.
Whether it is to or too, there or there etc.
Punctuation is not necessary anywhere on the boards.

---

Surely there or they're or maybe their?
 

---

Posted by Robert Miller (# 1459) on :
 
Correct people's grammar and they will thank you immensely for it.

Also never fail to double post - it adds so much more to the thread, with triple and quadruple posting you can acheive bonus points.
 

---

Posted by Callan (# 525) on :
 
If something really upsetting has happened to you in your personal life, do mention it in Hell. You will be overwhelmed with the sympathy and love you recieve.
 

---

Posted by Belisarius (# 32) on :
 
Pique the curiosity of the less-well-rounded by starting threads dedicated to Café in-jokes.
 

---

Posted by dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Help me do my homework/Write my essay threads are wonderful threads to start. You will be overwhemed by the responses
 

---

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :
 
Writing one thing, then editing your post to say something completely different is always good for a giggle.

[ 07. January 2004, 15:10: Message edited by: Marvin the Martian ]
 

---

Posted by Eutychus (# 3081) on :
 
If a thread has run to more than one page by the time you notice it, it's safe to assume no-one else has been following it from the beginning either. You don't need to make sure you are not repeating what has already been said.
 

---

Posted by Ann (# 94) on :
 
Before you click "Add Reply" in Hell, look over your post to make sure it is really nasty. If you think it's too tame, add some rude words.
 

---

Posted by 'Lurker' (# 1384) on :
 
The same goes for The Styx.
 

---

Posted by Grits (# 4169) on :
 
They'll like you a whole lot better in Hell if you spell out all your curse words with asterisks (i.e. d**n, s**t, etc.)

And jump into as many threads as possible with offensive, but funny, one-liners. People love that!
 

---

Posted by Paul W (# 1450) on :
 
There is a special Hosts board where the hosts and admins discuss the running of these forums. Anyone who asks enough times has the right to read these discussions. See Erin.

Paul W
 

---

Posted by Ronist (# 5343) on :
 
Thank-you so very much for your generous and sincere guidance.

I will print this out and keep it near my computer.

An early observation I have made is that a huge post count is a very sure sign of a genius I.Q. and has nothing to do with someone having way too much time on their hands.
 

---

Posted by Chapelhead (# 1143) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ronist:
Thank-you so very much for your generous and sincere guidance.

I will print this out and keep it near my computer.

An early observation I have made is that a huge post count is a very sure sign of a genius I.Q. and has nothing to do with someone having way too much time on their hands.

---

I like this Apprentice. Clearly someone with a great future on the Ship

[ 07. January 2004, 17:31: Message edited by: Chapelhead ]
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
No apprentice has the right to post until they have attained the rank of shipmate.
 

---

Posted by Clyde (# 752) on :
 
Chapelhead, I agree with you that Ronist has the makings of a fine Apprentice. He has a humbleness which is not present in many of the upstart Apprentices that we seem to get these days.
I blame their parents, George Bush and Tony Blair.

Ronist comes from Canada where Rook lives. Is this of any significance?
 

---

Posted by Belisarius (# 32) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Clyde:
I blame their parents, George Bush and Tony Blair.

---

Apprentice Has Two Daddies: Soon to be banned at a Library near you.
 

---

Posted by Pheonix (# 2782) on :
 
You obviously never came across that bad american comedy 'My Two Dads'
 

---

Posted by Annie P (# 3453) on :
 
Start a games thread in the Circus the same day that the same games thread has just been closed. The hosts don't like new ideas.
 

---

Posted by Paul W (# 1450) on :
 
POSTING ALL IN CAPITALS MAKES YOUR POSTS MUCH EASIER TO UNDERSTAND

Paul W
 

---

Posted by Annie P (# 3453) on :
 
Erin frequently attends US shipmeets. Oh and Erin is male.
 

---

Posted by MrSponge2U (# 3076) on :
 
Inserting "Praise the Lord" and "Hallelujah" into your posts will impress everyone with how spiritual you are.

Our favorite theologians are Benny Hinn, Pat Robertson, and Jack Chick. Quote from them as often as possible.

And flirting is actively encouraged, especially in Hell.
 

---

Posted by Angel* (# 4690) on :
 
Join in the game with all hosts and admins.
You have to start lots of polls and the minute the hosts/admins close one, that is your cue to start another.

The trick is to keep one step ahead of them all and keep them guessing the subject for the next poll.
Polls which are considered good are often about hosts and admins, others are about individual shipmates who you can name and pour scorn on especially in Heaven.
 

---

Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on :
 
Remember most of the people on board are apostate heretics. It is your mission to convert us all to the One True Faith™ through the shear volume of posts preaching the word.
 

---

Posted by Left at the altar (# 5077) on :
 
Preferably, the first thread you start should also be your first post.
Hell is an excellent place to start, and you should choose a topic in which you are looking for a bit of sympathy. You can dress it up a bit as righteous indignation.
When another shipmate offers some advice/soothing words, respond with more whining and go into detail about how you have been wronged.
If a big, nasty HellHost comes in and calls you horrid names, respond by telling him that he has acted like a $@^%$@ who should show you sympathy. Tell him though, that despite his failings, the Lord loves him, and so do you, because that is the way humans should act towards each other. HellHosts like it when you demonstrate the proper way to act.
This will make you both best friends.
 

---

Posted by .Jenny (# 3131) on :
 
Tell people how you feel, all the time.

It is a community you know. they want to hear it.

J
 

---

Posted by Eutychus (# 3081) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Left at the altar:
Preferably, the first thread you start should also be your first post.

---

I have never looked back.
 

---

Posted by bessie rosebride (# 1738) on :
 
When you approach a thread in Hell, be prepared to either sell concessions, or add to the merriment of the party already in progress. Everyone, including the hosts, loves to see plenty of popcorn, beer, hard liquor, and snacks being passed around and consumed.

Making frequest editorial asides regarding the posts will also earn you the attention you so crave.
 

---

Posted by Gremlin (# 129) on :
 
Sarcasm is the lingua franca of the Internet, and is particularly useful when discussing theology with Shipmates.

Gremlin
 

---

Posted by .Jenny (# 3131) on :
 
Its ok to post really long words, the boards are like word, it cuts off at the end of the line.

It never breaks the horizontal scroll.

J

[edited due to the fact that maybe it isn't funny to break the horizontal scroll on purpose. ]

[ 07. January 2004, 20:44: Message edited by: .Jenny ]
 

---

Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on :
 
The Ship is, despite appearances, actually a dating agency. To truely be a part of this community you need to fall in love and announce your engagement.
 

---

Posted by bessie rosebride (# 1738) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Annie P:
Erin frequently attends US shipmeets. Oh and Erin is male.

---

Not only that, but he's really old.

Oh, and I forgot - he's an Arizona fan...

[ 07. January 2004, 20:46: Message edited by: bessie rosebride ]
 

---

Posted by Annie P (# 3453) on :
 
Always go out of your way to stick up for any trolls who may post on the ship from time to time. After all, remember, this is a Christian site.
 

---

Posted by Callan (# 525) on :
 
Remember - Purgatory may be a debate space but it's not just for pointy headed intellectuals. You may know less than the other contributors but do call them "fuckwits" if you disagree with them but can't think of a pertinent argument.
 

---

Posted by Left at the altar (# 5077) on :
 
Another good first post is to go to The Styx and start a thread about what is wrong with the Ship and how it could be more efficiently managed.
To assist the administrators, refer to each board and point out, in reasonably diplomatic language, how the hosts could improve. Quote the commandments and guidelines to show precisely where the hosts are letting things slip a bit.

In the Circus, join in a game without reading the first post, which contains unnecessary detail. People love it when you play "blind" because it takes the threads off on such interesting tangents.

[ 07. January 2004, 21:10: Message edited by: Left at the altar ]
 

---

Posted by welsh dragon (# 3249) on :
 
Only post a rant in Hell about something really important that you might legitimately be expected to feel angry about e.g. stubbing your toe or not winning the lottery.

If a bomb falls on your house and blows off your legs and you post about how inchoately, gut-wrenchingly fraught and furious that makes you feel, then that is "whining".

If someone is "whining" about something they think is important in their life on a Hell thread, then it is a really good idea to go and tell them to cheer up and smell the coffee.

If they swear at you, then you should say how enormously surprised you are...

...after all it *is* a Christian website...
 

---

Posted by Paul W (# 1450) on :
 
Under-endowed men should confide in Pyx_e, who will show you great sympathy and support.

Paul W
 

---

Posted by welsh dragon (# 3249) on :
 
Depressed people should seek out a Hellhost in whom to confide.

Nightlamp in particular has a special interest in Rogerian counselling.
 

---

Posted by Arrietty (# 45) on :
 
It's always helpful to point out spelling and syntax errors by other shipmates, after all we are a learning community.
 

---

Posted by shoewoman (# 1618) on :
 
Use as many abbrevs as possible, everybody enjoys the guessing game. If you find this too much trouble, careless spelling will do nicely. We are deeply impressed by extensive usage of foreign languages as well.
 

---

Posted by Paul W (# 1450) on :
 
There is no-one called Wood on these boards.

Paul W
 

---

Posted by Grits (# 4169) on :
 
Do a little research and find out the names and platforms of some past banned Shipmates. Talk about how you miss them and what a contribution they made to the Ship, rehashing what they did wrong and how they were treated unfairly. Be sure to indite as many hosts and admins in the process as possible. Everyone will be truly supportive -- I promise.
 

---

Posted by Arrietty (# 45) on :
 
Please do feel free to comment on the mental state of other posters and hand out unsolicited advice about how to run their lives. Erin in particular always welcomes being psychoanalysed by someone she's never met.
 

---

Posted by Paul W (# 1450) on :
 
These forums are the Ship-of-Fools, the actual magazine part of the site is just a sideline. You don't ever need to bother looking at it.

In fact, the most important part of the boards is the Mystery Worshipper forum. You can best play an active role in the community of the Ship by only ever posting on that forum. Don't bother reading the Styx, it's pointless and boring.

Paul W
 

---

Posted by Ags (# 204) on :
 
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to annoy Alan to the extent that he uses the 'F' word.
You get extra points for that.
 

---

Posted by Timothy (# 292) on :
 
Find a thread that was very contentious and ran at least three pages, but that no one has posted to for at least a week. Add a lengthy post addressing a critical issue that everyone else overlooked while they were prooftexting, typing Greek letters, and calling each other to Hell. They will admire your acute insight and be grateful that you did not let an important thread die with vital matters unresolved.

Timothy
 

---

Posted by Flausa (# 3466) on :
 
If shipmates disagree with you on one thread, go complain about it on an entirely unrelated thread. You're sure to find sympathy if you whine loud enough and long enough.
 

---

Posted by Janine (# 3337) on :
 
And always make sure to promote other boards, other Webzines, other forums and websites and threads, oh my!

Don't bother with useful references to places that do not compete with the Ship-- stick to actually recruiting for and promoting foreign websites.

Post lots of links. Extra points if the things to which you link are time-sensitive and go away, leaving lots of broken links on the thread. More extra points if you link to questionable sites.
 

---

Posted by Lyda Rose of Sharon (# 4544) on :
 
Complain vociferously about the Ship's In Crowd without having the balls to name Names.

The fricking snots know who They, themselves, are.

You know- the ones who are exchanging billions and billions of PMs (about us losers ), know all the in-jokes, and are the life-of-the-party at the Shipmeets that are thrown especially for them at chi-chi resturants.

Those guys.

The turds.
 

---

Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on :
 
If you're a member of another board where you are engaged in some hum-dinger of a slanging match, come here and start a thread to recruit people to sign up there to help you out.
 

---

Posted by anglicanrascal (# 3412) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Alan Cresswell:
If you're a member of another board where you are engaged in some hum-dinger of a slanging match, come here and start a thread to recruit people to sign up there to help you out.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Arrietty:
Si taht a dgi ta me, Nenjy?

---

quote:

---

There are two great games that surface from time to time which will give you extra street cred. One is called Famous Last Posts, where you try to post on every board in quick succession so that your name shows up on every line of the Recent Posts index. It doesn't matter what you post, even if it's just "Hello" or "Oops I'm on the wrong thread", so long as you get your name on it.

---

So you still have not managed it then.

P
 

---

Posted by Lyda Rose of Sharon (# 4544) on :
 
Good basic rules for getting respect and getting your point across in Hell:

• Always be serious and take offense at any jocularity aimed at yourself or your friends.
• Try to stay above the coarse antics of the so-called Christians mocking your reasonable arguments. After all, Hell really is just a more intense Purgatory.
• If your opponents bait you into revealing your ire, take a tone of righteous indignation.
• If they further tempt to to lower yourself to their level and you find yourself behaving in a way your parents and your pastor always said was Wrong, remember It's not your fault- it's theirs.
• Never give way on any particular of your argument. No apologies. No hedging. They'd only lord it over you which would be intolerable.
• Lastly, as others have mentioned, the classic denoument is to announce you are leaving the Ship. To do it thoroughly, announce on the Hell thread, in Styx, in All Saints, on that Purg/MW/Keryg thread you've been nattering on for ages (to explain why you can't finish the discussion), and a really good touch is to leave a maudlin message of farewell to your friends on the "sermon" on your profile page.
• Anticlimatically, lurk to see how everyone is taking your departure and make a brief re-appearance if people aren't being respectful enough.

quote:

---

Originally posted by .Jenny:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Arrietty:
Si taht a dgi ta me, Nenjy?

---

no,

I didn't mean it to come across like that. sorry.

J

---

I should have put a smilie in, it was a joke!

 

---

Posted by .Jenny (# 3131) on :
 
ok.

another rule for apprentices...

being thin skinned is a good thing. especially in hell. taking things to heart is shows you are a sensitive soul.

J
 

---

Posted by welsh dragon (# 3249) on :
 


(this sort of post is a very good idea)

[ 08. January 2004, 19:50: Message edited by: welsh dragon ]
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 


(As is this)
 

---

Posted by welsh dragon (# 3249) on :
 
I so totally agree Miffy, that is absolutely the most amazing and wonderful post I have ever read in my entire life and the history of the world.

(as is this).
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 

 

---

Posted by *Balaam* (# 4543) on :
 
This site is about Christian unrest. Posters should be unrestful about everything, especially board policy.

In the interest of unrestfulness it is therfore compulsory to question everything a host, administrator and especially board editor says.
 

---

Posted by Alt Wally (# 3245) on :
 
If you disagree with someone, it's probably because that person isn't a Christian (even if they claim to be). It is your duty to inform them of this.
 

---

Posted by Grits (# 4169) on :
 
And, if you find out they are, indeed, not a Christian, well... you've already been advised of the open conversion policy.
 

---

Posted by Chapelhead (# 1143) on :
 
The benefits of owning an SUV is a great thread subject.
 

---

Posted by MrSponge2U (# 3076) on :
 
As we believe our political leaders (especially the conservative ones) have been chosen by God, they should never be criticized in any way.
 

---

Posted by Flausa (# 3466) on :
 
Stating frequently "I've nothing to add to this thread, but I'm just letting you know that I'm here," is a great way to boost your post count.
 

---

Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on :
 
Adding a post just to say how much you agree with what someone else said really adds a whole lot of new ideas to the debate.
 

---

Posted by Flausa (# 3466) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Alan Cresswell:
Adding a post just to say how much you agree with what someone else said really adds a whole lot of new ideas to the debate.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Flausa:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Alan Cresswell:
Adding a post just to say how much you agree with what someone else said really adds a whole lot of new ideas to the debate.

---

I agree.

---

And I agree.
 

---

Posted by Lyda Rose of Sharon (# 4544) on :
 
Of course, a person who expresses agreement with world leaders, especially those who lead the US or the UK is showing a mindless and reactionary, archaic nationalism, or a shrewd, alliance with those who who would lead The New World Order -one or the other or maybe both. In any case, feel free to call them nazis.
 

---

Posted by bessie rosebride (# 1738) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by bessie rosebride:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Flausa:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Alan Cresswell:
Adding a post just to say how much you agree with what someone else said really adds a whole lot of new ideas to the debate.

---

I agree.

---

And I agree.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by bessie rosebride:

quote:

---

Originally posted by bessie rosebride:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Flausa:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Alan Cresswell:
Adding a post just to say how much you agree with what someone else said really adds a whole lot of new ideas to the debate.

---

I agree.

---

And I agree.

---

Here's another great thing. Try to capture as many posts from others in quotes when you are quoting. We just love to get to wade through reading them again, especially when they are detailed and run for many lines.

End it all up with one tiny trivial comment of your own.

---

Paul W
 

---

Posted by Grits (# 4169) on :
 
Lyda's post reminded me that you should be aware that this is a totally pro-Bush board . All Shipmates are loyal and supportive, be they British or American, Republican or Democrat. One of the best threads you could ever start would be about Bush's war policies and how great the war in Iraq has been. Any criticism of the American government is greatly discouraged.
 

---

Posted by Left at the altar (# 5077) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Paul W:

quote:

---

Originally posted by bessie rosebride:

quote:

---

Originally posted by bessie rosebride:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Flausa:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Alan Cresswell:
Adding a post just to say how much you agree with what someone else said really adds a whole lot of new ideas to the debate.

---

I agree.

---

And I agree.

---

Here's another great thing. Try to capture as many posts from others in quotes when you are quoting. We just love to get to wade through reading them again, especially when they are detailed and run for many lines.

End it all up with one tiny trivial comment of your own.

---

Paul W

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Left at the altar:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Paul W:

quote:

---

Originally posted by bessie rosebride:

quote:

---

Originally posted by bessie rosebride:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Flausa:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Alan Cresswell:
Adding a post just to say how much you agree with what someone else said really adds a whole lot of new ideas to the debate.

---

I agree.

---

And I agree.

---

Here's another great thing. Try to capture as many posts from others in quotes when you are quoting. We just love to get to wade through reading them again, especially when they are detailed and run for many lines.

End it all up with one tiny trivial comment of your own.

---

Paul W

---

Or, if in Purgatory, call them stupid.

---

Paul W

 

---

Posted by Arrietty (# 45) on :
 
Every thread on every board should be of interest to everyone who reads it. If you find a thread uninteresting, you should always post on it to say so immediately so the hosts can shut it down.
 

---

Posted by Papio (# 4201) on :
 
Yeah. Everyone loves Dubya. Agree with everything he does and no-one will at all question your intelligence.

Those of us who claim to be socailists are just funning ya! The best way to gain our respect is to dismiss our ideas out of hand. Show us what idiots we are by ignoring our concerns.

Actually, (and now I am being serious) don't troll, don't act astonished when your beliefs are challanged, don't act like a puerile tosser and DO listen to others and accept they have a right to be who they are whether you like it or not. If you do that - you will fit in here and be accepted. If you aren't prepared to take as you find and treat with respect than you might as well leave now. No one will miss you.

The boards contain a wide variety of views, experiences, traditions, personalities and prejudices. Either you can florish in those conditions or you can't. If you can't - bye bye. If you can - welcome aboard, we look forward to your posts!!!

Oh, and don't forget, have fun, learn, make friends and don't be afraid to be yourself and say what you think - just be prepared for others to do the same.

Take care,

Papio

P.S - if you get flamed, you have said something stupid. Own up to it and move on.

P.P.S - As I said, welcome aboard and please excuse my bluntness.
 

---

Posted by Lyda Rose of Sharon (# 4544) on :
 
God, Papio.

What are you trying to be? Reasonable?


 

---

Posted by zephirine of the roses (# 3323) on :
 
offer chocolate freely.


especially exotic chocolate.
 

---

Posted by Grits (# 4169) on :
 
ATTENTION, NEW APPRENTICES: DO NOT PAY ANY ATTENTION TO ANY POSTS BY SHIPMATE NAMED "PAPIO". HE IS A BIG TROUBLEMAKER. AND DON'T FORGET TO POST IN ALL CAPS FOR OTHERS' ENJOYMENT.
 

---

Posted by bessie rosebride (# 1738) on :
 
Papio is actually an enemy plant (more than likely of the poppy variety) sent here to lead you astray. Beware and don't be tricked.
 

---

Posted by Janine (# 3337) on :
 
<psst... guys... was Papio's post the only break-the-mold-yes-I-do-give-a-care post?

Oh, that sweet man...>

[ 09. January 2004, 02:42: Message edited by: Janine ]
 

---

Posted by bessie rosebride (# 1738) on :
 
I'm rather skeptical of the chocolate advice given by zephirine of the roses...

That doesn't seem right, does it? No one likes exotic chocolate. Especially the hosts and admins.
 

---

Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 
We despise chocolate, whiskey and gin. And cabana boys.
 

---

Posted by welsh dragon (# 3249) on :
 
And the women on board do not find Alan Rickman attractive.

Oh and we find any mention of Joanne Rowling, Terry Pratchett, C.S. Lewis or J.R.R. Tolkien boring in the extreme. Never start a thread on any of these characters; no one will ever find anything to post to it...
 

---

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
If you get called onto the rug for being rude, laugh it off and say you were being ironic, or byronic, or something.
 

---

Posted by Grits (# 4169) on :
 
That's right. Sincere apologies are absolutely verboten.
 

---

Posted by bessie rosebride (# 1738) on :
 
Threads about cats are always welcome; especially in Purgatory. The more lovey-dovey the better.

My pwecious Fearless is on my wap wight now telling y'all how much she woves you and how she wants to talk to your cats too. Purrrrrrr.
 

---

Posted by Amazing Grace (# 4754) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by *Balaam*:
This site is about Christian unrest. Posters should be unrestful about everything, especially board policy.

In the interest of unrestfulness it is therfore compulsory to question everything a host, administrator and especially board editor says.

---

And since the hosts have to read all the posts in their own boards, you should make your complaints there so they will be sure to see it. The Styx is merely for practicing your UBB or seeing if your new sig file works.

For extra points, if you are really peeved, you should put something about it in the prayer thread.

Charlotte
 

---

Posted by Lyda Rose of Sharon (# 4544) on :
 
Yes, the prayer threads are prime places to do all sorts of good work for the Lord. Pray for Shipmates (by name) who have hurt your feelings; pray for them especially if they have "anger issues".

You know you are right in all your beliefs because the Bible/the One True Church/human reason and churchly tradition unclouded by superstition tells you so. So pray that all the deluded ones will see the light. Remember God loves them even if they are benighted fools who are tools of the devil/are living in sinful schism from the Holy Church™/are deluded dinosaurs who still think we should burn witches and heretics and other DeadHorses-type undesirables.


 

---

Posted by Ronist (# 5343) on :
 

quote:

---

Papio
Don't be a puerile tosser

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by welsh dragon:
Oh and we find any mention of Joanne Rowling, Terry Pratchett, C.S. Lewis or J.R.R. Tolkien boring in the extreme. Never start a thread on any of these characters...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by RuthW:
We despise chocolate, whiskey and gin. And cabana boys.

---

That's the second time this week that an unfamiliar Americanism has sent me Googling.

But I think I get the idea.
 

---

Posted by Tom Day (# 3630) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by welsh dragon:
And the women on board do not find Alan Rickman attractive.

---

but some of the men do
 

---

Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kyralessa:
You have to post the same text at least five times in a row on a single thread. Don't worry about the duplicate posts; a kind host will delete them for you

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kyralessa:
You have to post the same text at least five times in a row on a single thread. Don't worry about the duplicate posts; a kind host will delete them for you

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kyralessa:
You have to post the same text at least five times in a row on a single thread. Don't worry about the duplicate posts; a kind host will delete them for you

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kyralessa:
You have to post the same text at least five times in a row on a single thread. Don't worry about the duplicate posts; a kind host will delete them for you

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kyralessa:
You have to post the same text at least five times in a row on a single thread. Don't worry about the duplicate posts; a kind host will delete them for you

---

 

---

Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on :
 
When someone gives you bum advice it is perfectly reasonable, especially in Heaven, to call them all sorts of obscene names. And, the smiley works too
 

---

Posted by Chapelhead (# 1143) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Tom Day:

quote:

---

Originally posted by welsh dragon:
And the women on board do not find Alan Rickman attractive.

---

but some of the men do

---

Most of them, on the ******* ******* board.
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
As people keep saying, this is a Christian website. If someone who isn't a Christian posts their views and you don't agree with them, you are entitled to rubbish them. Be scathing, if you are polite and reasonable they won't listen. You have The Truth. They don't, and are wandering in outer darkness. If you are feeling particularly charitable, you should try to get their email address from their profile so you can regularly send them e-tracts and encouraging emails with web links to Christian sites you think they should look at. You can also do this with other people who call themselves Christians but aren't.
 

---

Posted by Angel* (# 4690) on :
 
//tangent//
This is a tangent and will add much to this wonderful advice thread.

I agree with you all.




edited to add more smilies

[ 09. January 2004, 08:19: Message edited by: Angel* ]
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Paul W:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Left at the altar:
[QUOTE]

Paul W

---

ehrm..

[Ooh, look! A horizontal scroll break!]

[ 09. January 2004, 09:41: Message edited by: Stoo ]
 

---

Posted by *Balaam* (# 4543) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Paul W:


Paul W

---

Better still, in Purgatory call the Admins or Erin stupid.

[And the scroll is broken]

[ 09. January 2004, 09:40: Message edited by: Stoo ]
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
Balaam, you missed me out! (whine) Guess I'll just have to crawl off to the loosers thread in Hell.
 

---

Posted by *Balaam* (# 4543) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by *Balaam*:
Better still, in Purgatory call the Admins or Erin stupid.

---

Or run out of time on the edits and have to double post.

[Oh, how nice. A horizontal scroll break]

[ 09. January 2004, 09:39: Message edited by: Stoo ]
 

---

Posted by Left at the altar (# 5077) on :
 
When you have written a 100 line post, full of insightful musings, brilliant arguments and tremedous wit, and while still in the "Post a reply" screen, press the refresh button on your browser.
 

---

Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on :
 
Remember that, sooner or later, multi-nested quotes result in horizontal scroll problems. Hosts and Admins have a huge belly laugh when this happens.
 

---

Posted by .Jenny (# 3131) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by *Balaam*:
Or run out of time on the edits and have to double post.

---

or double post on purpose, this gives weight to your sentiments

J

[Oh, ha ha ha. Very funny]

[ 09. January 2004, 09:34: Message edited by: Stoo ]
 

---

Posted by Stoo (# 254) on :
 
Ok...

We've all had our fun playing with the horizontal scroll now, haven't we children?

Say "Yes, Stoo"
 

---

Posted by *Balaam* (# 4543) on :
 
Depends your computer's set up, scroll wasn't broken on my monitor (I left it so the next post would break it )
 

---

Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on :
 
Always assume that other people are using computers with the same state-of-the art spec that you have. Afterall, there's no reason why people can't use 21" monitors with very high resolution to see the superb bit of, rather large, ASCII art you put in the code box. Or, have super-fast broadband internet access to load that very graphic rich web page you linked to.
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
Please remember that the intellectual caliber of the average poster is far in excess than that of your normal cybergeek. The Ship is not the place for fluffiness and froth. However, members who initiate serious literary debate will earn the undying admiration of their shipmates.
 

---

Posted by Faithful Sheepdog (# 2305) on :
 
Special recommendations for apprentices posting in Kerygmania:

1. Don’t be afraid to bring up all your bizarre preconceived notions. We have no idea what The Bible Says™, and always prefer eisegesis to exegesis.
2. It helps to see sex everywhere in the Bible, after all, it gets everywhere on the Ship.
3. Those clever guys who quote Hebrew and Greek are all bluffing. Don’t be afraid to bluff back. A textual variant in an obscure manuscript is a particularly good tactic.
4. Pre-millennial dispensationalists are especially welcome. We don’t have enough people on the ship who really understand Ezekiel, Daniel and Revelation.
5. Finally, it helps enormously if your comments bear no relation whatsoever to the passage, we like the post-modern flavour this brings to the discussion.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Stoo:
Ok...

We've all had our fun playing with the horizontal scroll now, haven't we children?

Say "Yes, Stoo"

---

See, this is a sign that Stoo is really enjoying what we were doing to the horizontal scroll, and he wants us to play some more.

Paul W
 

---

Posted by Papio (# 4201) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by bessie rosebride:
Papio is actually an enemy plant (more than likely of the poppy variety) sent here to lead you astray. Beware and don't be tricked.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chaplehead

The Styx A private board for Hosts and Admins. Ordinary Shipmates visiting it are immediately suspended. Don’t risk it.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Papio:
Chaplehead - while you have given good advice in the rest of your post, I do take issue with this. The Styx exists so that people who have behaved in the perfectly reasonable manner outline in the majority of above posts can call foul and say that a given host is out of his or her mind.

---

Well I wouldn't know, because naturally I've never been to The Styx.
 

---

Posted by Papio (# 4201) on :
 
I know Chaplehead. It just isn't good enough.
 

---

Posted by Alt Wally (# 3245) on :
 

quote:

---

said by Chapelhead: Purgatory For debating the big issues, obviously including women priests, homosexuality etc.

---

I thought it was purely for discussing Orthodoxy. I guess I'm still learning.
 

---

Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on :
 
No, it's for proclaiming orthodoxy.

The word "discussion" is actually designed to mislead ... you aren't expected to discuss anything, just state the Truth and have everyone agree to it.
 

---

Posted by Papio (# 4201) on :
 
Newbies should always remember that 100% of shipmates are vastly under-educated and are probably mentally retarded. The one and only exception is themselves. In fact, they are the only person who knows anything at all about anything at all. The rest of us are here soley to learn from their wisdom.
 

---

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
Nobody ever actually goes to Shipmeets. They all post to say they are coming, and then a few days before always posts to say, 'oh dear I'm sorry I can't come now, the dog's sick', or something. The only exception is Dolphy who turns up to every shipmeet going, and sits on her own in the corner, quietly crying into her beer, because nobody came.
 

---

Posted by Angel* (# 4690) on :
 
All boards are for saying hello to all your friends, telling them about your recent holidays, romances, break-ups, illnesses and operations. Everyone loves to hear about your academic achievements so feel free to boast!
It is rather like creating your CV, add as much information as you can so that all your fellow shipmates think you are a wonderful person.
Continue to use all available smilies in posts it makes your computer go faster.

 

---

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
The only time these rules were broken was on the occasion of the famous Un-meet held on Feb. 29th last year, somewhere not quite in the vicinity of Cornwall, thanks to Christopher's amazing hospitality (he was totally discreet and unobtrusive, just like all butlers should be).

Everyone from the Ship was there and had a wonderful time - all, that is, except for Dolphy who somehow managed to get lost on the way (for some strange reason she turned North onto the M5 ) and by the time she eventually realised her mistake and finally arrived, everyone else had gone home.

The pictures you see as evidence of shipmeets, BTW, are all posed by models. And edited by the amazing science of 'Photofit'.
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
OK, as Chapelhead pointed out there are several boards on the Ship. Everyone is different, so you will soon find yourself much more at home on one board than another. Stay and become a regular on that board. Build up the sense of community by chatting to the other regulars: you can easily exchange little quips and gossip on the course of a thread. Soon you will have a whole new social network.

And remember, people who read and post to more than one or two boards are sad gits who don't have a life. Just make sure that if you do decide to read or post to a second board that it isn't Hell; it isn't nice.
 

---

Posted by Arrietty (# 45) on :
 
If you know who someone is in real life, do post plenty of clues so other people can work out where they live, where they work and who their parents are.
 

---

Posted by Moschops (# 3034) on :
 
Make sure that your signature covers more than four lines, and is offensive to at least 50% of the ship's population.

Also, remember that Alan Cresswell loves to receive long PM's detailing the arguments in favour of a literal interpretation of the first chapter of Genesis, especially when supported by evidence for why the Earth can't be more than 7,000 years old.
 

---

Posted by Papio (# 4201) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chorister

The pictures you see as evidence of shipmeets, BTW, are all posed by models. And edited by the amazing science of 'Photofit'.

---

Yes. This is quite true. In real life I am devastatingly handsome. Not like that person who poses as me. I am far sexier than him.
 

---

Posted by Angel* (# 4690) on :
 
You must also visit the cafe often and refuse to speak. Don't respond to questions about whether you are there or not - the other visitors love that, it really helps their conversations flow. If you manage to fall overboard, your presence often remains in the cafe for quite a while leaving everyone else quessing.

There are other rooms you can visit when in the cafe. You can go and sit there alone whilst everyone else talks about you, then keep popping back to see if you can catch them at it.

Helloooooo?
 

---

Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on :
 
Start a thread in MW on the virtues of t-totalism. Remember to include the fact that gin in particular is the drink of the devil. You will find that everyone there will agree with you.
 

---

Posted by 'Lurker' (# 1384) on :
 
The newbie known as robicat is a perfect example to follow.
 

---

Posted by Rudderless (# 5329) on :
 
ehrm....this is a bit of a wind-up, right?
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
That would be correct.
 

---

Posted by Flausa (# 3466) on :
 
Be sure to take all advice from other shipmates at face value. We are all literalists on the Ship.
 

---

Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on :
 
Don't bother to read the opening post on a thread. Just jump in after it's got to a few pages and ask "what's this thread about?"
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
...because no one minds once you explain you didn't have time/couldn't be bothered to read the whole thing.
 

---

Posted by shalimar (# 3198) on :
 
So, what's this thread all about then?
 

---

Posted by Flausa (# 3466) on :
 
Nice sig, shalimar.

[Be sure to interrupt threads just to let people know you like their sigs.]
 

---

Posted by shalimar (# 3198) on :
 


(a post with nothing but smileys in is always a good idea, especially in Purgatory)
 

---

Posted by Jenny° (# 3131) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Stoo:
Ok...

We've all had our fun playing with the horizontal scroll now, haven't we children?

Say "Yes, Stoo"

---

shut up grandad.

J
 

---

Posted by Lyda Rose of Sharon (# 4544) on :
 
Hosts, admins, and a certain toothy editor can be tiresomely condescending. When they oh-so-politely direct you to cease-and-desist/apologize for your reasonable posts and you oh-so-naturally ignore them or tell them why you are totally within your rights to continue spouti...discoursing and they unreasonably suspend your ass the best response is to send a barrage of self-righteous e-mails to every single admin and especially the toothy editor whining about the unfairness of it all and how this is a public forum and they are against free speech and they are prejudiced against you, your politics, spiritual values, God, country of origin, and your cat.

This will change their minds.
 

---

Posted by Nightlamp (# 266) on :
 
Be rude about host's on your second post it makes life more entertaining.
 

---

Posted by The Bede's American Successor (# 5042) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Nightlamp:
Be rude about host's on your second post it makes life more entertaining.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rudderless:
ehrm....this is a bit of a wind-up, right?

---

Did you read the previous three pages? There is some great advice on them, too.
 

---

Posted by Angel* (# 4690) on :
 
When you are new you should look around the boards and find one or two identities which you take a shine to. Maybe an avatar you like the look of or a shipmate whose posting style you admire.

Go straight to Hell and call them saying: hellloooooo,
Calling *** to Hell. Then you can have a cosy chat with them and get to know them better. Other shipmates may join in the fun and you can enjoy the party.

You should PM them first but who really cares? We are all Christians here so we will just pray for you anyway.



 

---

Posted by Androet (# 4133) on :
 
Thank you so much for all this excellent advice. But how will I ever remember it all so I can post in the One True Way?

<sits and quivers>

Best regards,
Androet
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by shalimar:


(a post with nothing but smileys in is always a good idea, especially in Purgatory)

---

I do so agree, Shalimar. Clever use of smilies is essential in making yourself understood. For example, the judicious placing of after a statement ensures that no one can possibly take offence,however offensive or controversial it might be.
 

---

Posted by Papio (# 4201) on :
 
Most people here are memembers of the BNP and/or KKK. Making neo-nazi remarks is an excellent way to make friends here. The more you often you big-up the BNP, the more friends you will make.
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Androet:
Thank you so much for all this excellent advice. But how will I ever remember it all so I can post in the One True Way?

<sits and quivers>

Best regards,
Androet

---

Welcome aboard, Androet. Most of us learnt the hard way. Just grab your apprentice's bucket and get mopping. By the time you reach 50 posts and have had the obligatory run in with Erin (covering myself here ) you'll wonder what you were worrying about!
 

---

Posted by Papio (# 4201) on :
 
I agree with Lurker. Robicat is way cool and very intelligent. I used to believe that some people are just to thick to be allowed to live but Robicat has made me think again. Well done, Robicat.
 

---

Posted by Paul W (# 1450) on :
 
If one of the admins posts something about throwing you overboard, and then you mysteriously find you cannot login anymore, don't worry. This is merely a game that they play with people who they especially like. You should go to another computer, sign up again under another name, and continue to post as before.

Paul W
 

---

Posted by Chapelhead (# 1143) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Androet:
Thank you so much for all this excellent advice. But how will I ever remember it all so I can post in the One True Way?

<sits and quivers>

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Papio:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chorister

The pictures you see as evidence of shipmeets, BTW, are all posed by models. And edited by the amazing science of 'Photofit'.

---

Yes. This is quite true. In real life I am devastatingly handsome. Not like that person who poses as me. I am far sexier than him.

---

Is your avatar also posed by a model?


[Big ].
 

---

Posted by Papio (# 4201) on :
 

 

---

Posted by Papio (# 4201) on :
 
Sorry Chapelhead. The above is not a response to you.

In order to respond to you, I have to say that I did book a model. I even went to London to meet him but the model didn't turn up so all I got was this lousy baboon.
 

---

Posted by Angel* (# 4690) on :
 
Chapelhead, what is wrong with Surrey? All the best people live there


 

---

Posted by Lyda Rose of Sharon (# 4544) on :
 
Apprentices, remember to do this kind of thing when you achieve the exalted rank of Shipmate: start a thread with advice to apprentices that has as many baffling in-jokes as possible.
 

---

Posted by Joyfulsoul (# 4652) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mousethief:
If you get called onto the rug for being rude, laugh it off and say you were being ironic, or byronic, or something.

---

You could pretend to understand what people say. And then try to add a clever line showing people how clever you are.

Like here for example, I think, what rhymes with "ironic and byronic" - oh, like "moronic."

One of the things that I really think makes people kind like is if that you like ramble sometimes if you know I mean. and then, then try to cover it up by claiming that no understands you. And go on and on about it. you see what I mean.


 

---

Posted by 'Lurker' (# 1384) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Flausa:


[Be sure to interrupt threads just to let people know you like their sigs.]

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Angel*:
Chapelhead, what is wrong with Surrey? All the best people live there

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Angel*:
Chapelhead, what is wrong with Surrey? All the best people live there

---

Well, I'm in exile, actually.

<looks wistfully northwards>



Best regards,
Androet
 

---

Posted by Robert Miller (# 1459) on :
 
You can only post 8 smilies at a time.

To get the full use out of them you will need to post 4 times instead of just once to get their full benefit:


 

---

Posted by Robert Miller (# 1459) on :
 

 

---

Posted by Robert Miller (# 1459) on :
 

 

---

Posted by Robert Miller (# 1459) on :
 

 

---

Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on :
 
Feel free to post a message saying something like "You're all horrible and mean, and not at all Christian™ . I'm not going to post here again" and then return to continue the discussion the following day. No one will notice at all.
 

---

Posted by Ags (# 204) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Angel*:
Chapelhead, what is wrong with Surrey? All the best people live there

---

Croydon is in Surrey!
 

---

Posted by Autobailer (# 5357) on :
 
Blaspheme as much as possible, particularly in your sig.

Open threads on topics that are on the first page of Dead Horses.

Post leaving notices every couple of months (has anyone ever got round to installing a revolving door?)
 

---

Posted by Chapelhead (# 1143) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ags:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Angel*:
Chapelhead, what is wrong with Surrey? All the best people live there

---

Croydon is in Surrey!

---

Pshaw. Croydon is part of London.
 

---

Posted by Chapelhead (# 1143) on :
 
Useful phrases to include in your posts:

• The Bible says
• The Bible Code says
• The Pope says
• Jack Chick says
• My cat says
• The voices in my head say
• You wouldn't understand, you're laity
• You wouldn't understand, you're a priest
• My opinion on how the Ship is run is as important as Erin's
• I thought this was supposed to be a Christian website

quote:

---

Originally posted by Autobailer:
Blaspheme as much as possible, particularly in your sig.

Open threads on topics that are on the first page of Dead Horses.

Post leaving notices every couple of months (has anyone ever got round to installing a revolving door?)

---

Wow! Either this relative newbie (Hi there, nice to meet you, Autobailer! ) has been lurking for ages, or they've read just about every thread on the boards already, and have really been listening.

Obviously, this thread is working its magic!

Gremlin
 

---

Posted by Papio (# 4201) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chapelhead:
Useful phrases to include in your posts:

• The Bible says
• The Bible Code says
• The Pope says
• Jack Chick says
• My cat says
• The voices in my head say
• You wouldn't understand, you're laity
• You wouldn't understand, you're a priest
• My opinion on how the Ship is run is as important as Erin's
• I thought this was supposed to be a Christian website

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Papio:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chapelhead:
Useful phrases to include in your posts:

• The Bible says
• The Bible Code says
• The Pope says
• Jack Chick says
• My cat says
• The voices in my head say
• You wouldn't understand, you're laity
• You wouldn't understand, you're a priest
• My opinion on how the Ship is run is as important as Erin's
• I thought this was supposed to be a Christian website

---

Do you get bonus points if you include all of these in a single post?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Angel*:
Chapelhead, what is wrong with Surrey? All the best people live there

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ariel:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Angel*:
Chapelhead, what is wrong with Surrey? All the best people live there

---

Guildford.

---

Ahem! I'll have you know I went to school there.

p.s. I really do need to change my lens prescription. I logged on for the first time today a few minutes ago, clicked on what I thought was this thread, and was shocked at what I thought Sarkycow was doing to those poor, defenceless new apprentices!
 

---

Posted by eeGAD (# 4675) on :
 
What about crusading? Newbies are certainly encouraged to crusade.

Did anybody say that yet? I'm setting a good example and not reading any of the previous pages of posts. Newbies should never read all the posts, that way they can repeat what has already been said!

eeG
 

---

Posted by Chapelhead (# 1143) on :
 
Some more good words to use

• Asshat
• Bunkum
• Complete bunkum
• Complete and total bunkum
• Orthodox
• Evangelical
• Ecclesiology
• Ontological
• Acutance
• Fuckwit

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chapelhead:
Bunkum

---

Okay, we've had criticism of Surrey on the grounds of the mere existance of Guildford (this I can understand), but why are we bringing the small Essex town of Saffron Walden into the discussion?

Gremlin

p.s. for those who aren't in the know, 'Bunkum' is the local nickname for Saffron Walden, as in the book 'Five Miles From Bunkum' by Chris Ketteridge (a great-great uncle of mine), on the subject of the village of Ashdon where my paternal family lived for about 800 years (until my grandfather's generation when they started moving to the cities).

p.p.s. Apprentices should find a way of inserting completely useless personal history & claims of ancestry into their posts, for the education of our short-historied cousins across 'the pond'
 

---

Posted by Amphibalus (# 5351) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gremlin:
...where my paternal family lived for about 800 years (until my grandfather's generation when they started moving to the cities).

---

Took 'em that long, huh?

Yes, newbies. You see the fact that my grandfather also came from Saffron Walden (which has nothing to do with the thread) where his parents kept the Duke of York pub (which has nothing to do with the thread) which has since been pulled down to make way for yet another retail shed (which has nothing to do with the thread) means that its quite OK for me to engage Gremlin in idle chatter and jolly banter (which has nothing to do with the thread). So just go ahead. Feel free.
 

---

Posted by Gremlin (# 129) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Amphibalus:
Yes, newbies. You see the fact that my grandfather also came from Saffron Walden (which has nothing to do with the thread)

---

And then, of course, a newbie should always point out the minor error of understanding made by the poster, remembering to a tone suggesting deep affront!

"My grandfather did not 'also' come from Saffron Walden, he came from Ashdon!"



Gremlin
 

---

Posted by Papio (# 4201) on :
 
Newbies should refrain from showing the slightest familiarity with any aspect whatsoever of both internet and ship culture.

The best thing to do, as has already been said, is to correct well established posters in a petty and pedantic way. You do get bonus points if it turns out that, actually, your "correction" was in error and the original statement by the established poster was correct in every detail.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lyda Rose of Sharon:
[tangent]

I thought this was supposed to be a Christian website?™


Has anyone ever considered helping Simon & Co market a tee-shirt with this slogan? If nothing else get a pattern that can be made up for Shipmeets and people can donate $5 a shirt to use the iron-on transfer.

Just a thought. Probably better for the Styx.

[/tangent]

---

Lyda-- that is in the Styx somewhere.. I have suggested this also.
 

---

Posted by Lyda Rose of Sharon (# 4544) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kelly Alves:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lyda Rose of Sharon:
[tangent]

I thought this was supposed to be a Christian website?™


Has anyone ever considered helping Simon & Co market a tee-shirt with this slogan? If nothing else get a pattern that can be made up for Shipmeets and people can donate $5 a shirt to use the iron-on transfer.

Just a thought. Probably better for the Styx.

[/tangent]

---

Lyda-- that is in the Styx somewhere.. I have suggested this also.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kelly Alves:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lyda Rose of Sharon:
[tangent]

I thought this was supposed to be a Christian website?™


Has anyone ever considered helping Simon & Co market a tee-shirt with this slogan? If nothing else get a pattern that can be made up for Shipmeets and people can donate $5 a shirt to use the iron-on transfer.

Just a thought. Probably better for the Styx.

[/tangent]

---

Lyda-- that is in the Styx somewhere.. I have suggested this also.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chapelhead:
I thought Saffron Walden was in Suffolk, or Cambridgeshire, but clearly I was wrong.

---

Nope, Saffron Walden is in Essex, at least the YHA (Youth Hostel Association) and the BBC agree with me.

Gremlin
 

---

Posted by Chapelhead (# 1143) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gremlin:
Saffron Walden is in Essex, at least the YHA (Youth Hostel Association) and the BBC agree with me.

Gremlin

---

Quite so. Perhaps I was thinking along the lines of "Essex, what good thing ever came from there".

Two counties down, only about 37 left to insult.
 

---

Posted by Papio (# 4201) on :
 
Newbies should remember that:

A) All Americans are right-wing, anarchist nutters who want to kill black people, invade every other country in existence so they can plant MacDonalds there and have no visible education. They are also brainwashed.

B) All British people are paranoid communists who wish they were still an empire. British people all have delusions of grandeur caused by being an ex-empire and we all love the Queen.

C) Every single Canadian or New Zealander is just plain weird and never, ever to be taken seriously.

D) All Asians are terrorists.

E) if your opponent is from some other place, s/he is all of the above and more.

Rememer these basic rules and post accordingly. It will help you to win arguements.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
(more tangent fun!)

It was a long time ago, Tom.. I may have even discussed it in the cafe, now that I think of it.

Ok, on to advice.

Never, ever, ever read the All Saints threads. It will give you personal information about shipmates that will color your objectivity and dull your killer posting instinct.Knowing where someone is coming from only distracts your from your cunning analysis of syntax and rhetoric and snappy comeback openings. Save yourself.
 

---

Posted by Paul W (# 1450) on :
 
Continuing Tangent

There was a long running thread in the Styx about Ship merchandise, especially t-shirts, but nothing ever came of it. It's only been deleted fairly recently, I think.

Paul W
 

---

Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on :
 
Which reminds me of more advice to offer ...

Threads that have been inactive for a few weeks are liable to be deleted by the Hosts. You need to ensure that when a thread is deleted you whine vociferously about the Hosts killing off a discussion you and others had lots more to say on. The fact that no one had bothered to actually contribute for more than 2 weeks is irrelevant.

[also don't worry too much about awful grammar]

[ 18. January 2004, 21:47: Message edited by: Alan Cresswell ]
 

---

Posted by Paul W (# 1450) on :
 
The ideal way to do this whining is to start a thread in Hell.

Paul W
 

---

Posted by Chapelhead (# 1143) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Alan Cresswell:
Threads that have been inactive for a few weeks are liable to be deleted by the Hosts. You need to ensure that when a thread is deleted you whine vociferously about the Hosts killing off a discussion you and others had lots more to say on. The fact that no one had bothered to actually contribute for more than 2 weeks is irrelevant.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Papio:
B) All British people are paranoid communists who wish they were still an empire. British people all have delusions of grandeur caused by being an ex-empire and we all love the Queen.

---

Wow, so we're all crypto-royalist, communists with paranoid delusions of grandeur; what a lovely set of contradictions.

quote:

---

C) Every single Canadian or New Zealander is just plain weird and never, ever to be taken seriously.

---

But this one is actually right!

Stitch

p.s. ain't it difficult to remember to sign with the right name, just after changing it!
 

---

Posted by Ann (# 94) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Alan Cresswell:
Which reminds me of more advice to offer ...

Threads that have been inactive for a few weeks are liable to be deleted by the Hosts. You need to ensure that when a thread is deleted you whine vociferously about the Hosts killing off a discussion you and others had lots more to say on. The fact that no one had bothered to actually contribute for more than 2 weeks is irrelevant.

[also don't worry too much about awful grammar]

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ann:
(And Stitch, where does babybear say she lives now? Cottage of the three bears and ...?)

---

Same place as last week, AFAIK!

Her 'location' is her problem, though, not mine!

Stitch
 

---

Posted by Ronist (# 5343) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Stitch:

quote:

---

C) Every single Canadian or New Zealander is just plain weird and never, ever to be taken seriously.

---

But this one is actually right!

Stitch

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ronist:
Taking a swipe at a Welshman is just so redundant. Besides they already have such a cross to bear.

---

It could be worse, they could be from Shropshire.

(36 to go).
 

---

Posted by Stitch (# 129) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ronist:
Ah, no. Taking a swipe at a Welshman is just so redundant. Besides they already have such a cross to bear.

---

Shame I'm not a Welshman then.

Stitch
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
I'll just lie low and hope nobody mentions Bognor Regis.

I forgot...what's this thread about?
 

---

Posted by Chapelhead (# 1143) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Miffy:
I forgot...what's this thread about?

---

Helping Apprentices, especially ones unfortunate anought to come from Sussex, a county so awful that half of it won't speak to the other half.

Apprentices - as a number of people have suggested, it's important not to make rash judgements about folk based on where they were born or live.

(35 to go)
 

---

Posted by Angel* (# 4690) on :
 
Chapelhead
I really must take you to Hell if you keep on upsetting me.
I was born in Sussex - a wonderful county and now live in Surrey - another lovely place to live.
How come you hate both counties with so much venom.
PS Sorry to go off on a tangent in this very helpful advice thread!
 

---

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
don't take it personally, Angel, Chapelhead was being just as rude about Shropshire a few posts ago. (I hope it's a lovely place, as I'm going there on holiday this year...)
Remember the rules on this thread - things are not what they seem.
All apprentices should remember the only place in the world that is worth visiting is Cream Tealand
 

---

Posted by Left at the altar (# 5077) on :
 
Got a favourite topic that you just can't stop banging on about? Are all your friends getting tired of you bringing it up all day and night? Can you turn a potentially interesting discussion into a mind-numbing re-run of what you went on about yesterday, until someone tried to strangle you?
If yes, SoF needs YOU!. Dedication and persistence are rewarded here.

Start your discussion in a new thread on any board and watch it go. Or not. If it does not go (or, if it does for a while then dies) start it again on another board, with a twist. Make sure the title of your thread cleverly disguises the fact that it is a re-run of your old thread. When that dies, go to yet another board and another title. Administrators are a bit dim and won't notice that it's just you again, with your hobby-horse.

In the meantime, bring your pet subject into as many other threads as you can. No matter how inappropriate the title may seem, you can work it in. You can probably even turn it into a game in The Circus. Go for it.
 

---

Posted by Silver Indian (# 4958) on :
 
Well, I read the first page and a half and got a bit bored so I don't know what's been discussed after that but I thought I'd boost my quest toward being a full shipmate by posting. Thanks for the hint's on hell, I'll be sure to take them onboard.
 

---

Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on :
 
Silver Indian, you clearly took on a whole lot of the advice on this thread.
 

---

Posted by Silver Indian (# 4958) on :
 
Do i read a slight hint of sarcasm Mr Cresswell? (ooooh, another post!)
 

---

Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on :
 
That would be Dr Cresswell to you. Or Sir.

The Apprentices of today
 

---

Posted by Stitch (# 129) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Alan Cresswell:
That would be Dr Cresswell to you. Or Sir.

The Apprentices of today

---

They're just not up to the calibre of those we used to get on the old boards, are they?

Stitch
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Angel*:
Chapelhead
I really must take you to Hell if you keep on upsetting me.
I was born in Sussex - a wonderful county and now live in Surrey - another lovely place to live.
How come you hate both counties with so much venom.
PS Sorry to go off on a tangent in this very helpful advice thread!

---

Angel - you are a soul friend. I was brought up in Sussex (though not Bognor Regis), moved to Surrey, moved to Bog, moved to Berks,fled the country, moved back to Berks. I won't have a word said against them!
 

---

Posted by Angel* (# 4690) on :
 
Miffy!
 

---

Posted by Chapelhead (# 1143) on :
 
"Berks."

Says it all really.

(34)
 

---

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
Chapelhead are you on a forfeit to name as many counties as possible in as few threads as possible, or something?
What young Bucks set you up to this?
 

---

Posted by Chapelhead (# 1143) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chorister:
Chapelhead are you on a forfeit to name as many counties as possible in as few threads as possible, or something?

---

Another thing that Apprentices should be able to learn without too much difficulty is finding a single idea to post on constantly, even if it has nothing to do with the OP.

The best thing about Devon is that it has some good roads so you can get out of the county quickly. Unfortunately they lead to Cornwall.

(That counts as two).

Can anyone name any town in Herfordshire (apart, obviously, from Hertford). But then, why would you want to?

(31)
 

---

Posted by Angel* (# 4690) on :
 
Chapelhead - Herfordshire - can't you spell?

 

---

Posted by Amphibalus (# 5351) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chapelhead:
Can anyone name any town in Herfordshire (apart, obviously, from Hertford). But then, why would you want to?

---

As a native Albanian, whose spiritual home is the resting place of the proto-martyr of England (St Albans - there I've named one!), I would just like to say....

paints on Groucho moustache, sticks cigar in mouth, waggles eyebrows, walks along with bent knees

...'This means war!'

(OK, so the rest of Hertfordshire is full of New Towns - point made )
 

---

Posted by Chapelhead (# 1143) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Angel*:
Chapelhead - Herfordshire - can't you spell?

---

Taking the 't' is like taking the p***, but at an earlier stage.
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chapelhead:
Can anyone name any town in Herfordshire (apart, obviously, from Hertford). But then, why would you want to?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ariel:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chapelhead:
Can anyone name any town in Herfordshire (apart, obviously, from Hertford). But then, why would you want to?

---

Ah, you're thinking of Watford again, aren't you. Serve you right. Let me add to your pain by mentioning Stevenage and Hemel Hempstead.

---

Hitchen, where I was born. My late Grandad used to call me a "Hertfordshire hedgehog". Never did work out the connection.
 

---

Posted by Yesod (# 5429) on :
 
Well I'm catholic not Catholic but...

...I do have a rosary blessed by the pope
...i do have an NIV

How does that rate


 

---

Posted by Yesod (# 5429) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Yesod:
Well I'm catholic not Catholic but...

...I do have a rosary blessed by the pope
...i do have an NIV

How does that rate

---

Make sure you post in the right thread
 

---

Posted by Chapelhead (# 1143) on :
 
There's nothing better than teaching by example.

Welcome, Yesod.

And for the people living in Hertfordshire, you can console yourselves, at least it isn't Staffordshire.

(30)
 

---

Posted by Left at the altar (# 5077) on :
 
And Ballarat is God's own country.
 

---

Posted by Spookyrach (# 5381) on :
 
Have hastily read all six pages of advice while I was supposed to be working. Am now deeply concerned by the fact that I have nothing to say, but feel a need to put the advice to use. Especially after wasting - ummm, I mean investing - all this time! Is this a sin?
 

---

Posted by Chapelhead (# 1143) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Spookyrach:
Is this a sin?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Duo Seraphim:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ariel:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chapelhead:
Can anyone name any town in Herfordshire (apart, obviously, from Hertford). But then, why would you want to?

---

Ah, you're thinking of Watford again, aren't you. Serve you right. Let me add to your pain by mentioning Stevenage and Hemel Hempstead.

---

Hitchen, where I was born. My late Grandad used to call me a "Hertfordshire hedgehog". Never did work out the connection.

---

quote:

---

Can I say that I have also lived in Letchworth and that it, together with the entirety of its surrounding area, is a total dump?

---

If that includes Hitchin, that can't be right.

I once heard Peter Hurford play the organ in St Mary's one summer evening.

Truly awesome.

And then there's Hitchin market, where my dad bought a brightly coloured blanket 36 years ago for 2/6d and now it's the dog's.
 

---

Posted by welsh dragon (# 3249) on :
 
Letchworth? I wonder if like Leck-field etc this placename is connected to the growing of leeks.

They were a very popular and flavoursome vegetable in medieval times and a surprisingly large number of place names have -leek- as a root.

Mmmmmmmmmmmm leeks mmmmmmmmmmmmm yum...especially in cheese sauce. Or little baby leeks steamed. Or leeks perking up soup with a hint of onion flavour. Such a perfect marriage of taste and texture...as long as you get the fiddly bits of dirt out...
 

---

Posted by The Wanderer (# 182) on :
 
As a newcomer you will be able to see things clearly, without all the preconceptions that have led others into error. Please point out the mistakes that others have made, in very simple language, so that they can see how stupid they have been.

A very good area to start is explaining the faults of another country. British posters need to be reminded that they live in a police state where there is no freedom of speech. American posters all agree with the President (it's such a small country), and find it really helpful to be challenged about this.
 

---

Posted by Kishi (# 4534) on :
 
One of the major goals of posting on SOF is to attempt to derail and and kill any thread that you don't like. One of the best methods for doing so is to pick an unrelated topic that a few people on board might be interested in but that everyone else finds INCREDIBLY BORING and then run on endlessly with brief posts about that topic with the few mindless sheep (or, at least, the wolves in mindless sheep clothing that agree with you that the the thread should be killed) who you can engage in doing so. Some topics along these lines might include vegetables; references (the obscurer the better) to the works of Douglas Adams, C. S. Lewis, Monty Python or Terry Pratchett; cheeses; or stereotypical British geography.
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
Or the pros and cons of Unix.
 

---

Posted by Belisarius (# 32) on :
 
[ Was about to get all Hostly about the geography tangent, but it looks like things are back on course ]

[ 22. January 2004, 18:35: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
 

---

Posted by Angel* (# 4690) on :
 
Speaking about body parts and bodily functions is welcomed on the ship. particularly the comments which allow you to use the
smilie
 

---

Posted by Lyda Rose of Sharon (# 4544) on :
 
And spreading love and Christian kindness to Hell is especially appreciated so use the axe-murd...love smilie there at every opportunity. But don't limit yourself. Try spreading the love in Keryg. It will make their crusty, pedantic hearts go pitty-pat.

 

---

Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on :
 
Remember that there is nothing more important than passing significant landmarks in the number of posts you have.

This is, for example, my 6000th post.
 

---

Posted by Tallulah (# 3131) on :
 
completly blank posts are always amusing and useful in a discussion.

and it show how wonderful a comand of UBB you have.

J
 

---

Posted by Tallulah (# 3131) on :
 

 

---

Posted by Tallulah (# 3131) on :
 
see?

J.
 

---

Posted by MatrixUK (# 3452) on :
 
To all apprentices, Kishi's list is an impressive one, but fails to mention the importance of custard. You'd do well to remember the love that shipmates have for this stuff, and that they can wax lyrical for hours if allowed to do so.

Regards
M UK
 

---

Posted by Chapelhead (# 1143) on :
 
How to apologise

"I'm sorry you're offended, but there was nothing wrong with what I said and if you've taken offence it's your own stupid fault for being too thin-skinned and too thick to realise the correctness of what I've said. So let me pat you on the head and say 'Ah, diddums' and all will be well".

[I don't believe I've mentions Leicestershire. And aren't you glad.]
 

---

Posted by Grits (# 4169) on :
 
Whenever you find things becoming a bit sticky for you, just throw out some random scripture, preceded by these exact words: "The Bible says..." Then say no more. The other posters will be so touched and enlightened they will acquiesce to your every whim.
 

---

Posted by Emma. (# 3571) on :
 
mwahahahahah
 

---

Posted by The Wanderer (# 182) on :
 
Why Chapelhead and Grits, who CAN you be referring to?
 

---

Posted by Grits (# 4169) on :
 
Well, I could actually be referring to myself...
 

---

Posted by The Wanderer (# 182) on :
 
At the age of 28 maybe . . . .
 

---

Posted by Chapelhead (# 1143) on :
 
Moi?
 

---

Posted by Boopy (# 4738) on :
 
If you don't really have anything to say on a thread, but want to express friendly interest, be sure to start a side game of noughts and crosses in the middle of a fierce debate. This is always a welcome tangent in a Purgatory thread, and people will fight to join in your game.

_[ ]_
_[0]_
_[ ]_
 

---

Posted by Chapelhead (# 1143) on :
 
I agree.

X[ ]_
_[0]_
_[ ]_
 

---

Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on :
 
It is even better to do it in Hell, especially on a thread that a Hellhost has specifically said is important and shouldn't be messed with in such a manner. Remember Hellhosts are really fluffy bunnies putting on an act, and really do prefer to see fluffy stuff in Hell.

X[ ]0
_[0]_
_[ ]_
 

---

Posted by Boopy (# 4738) on :
 
......and do insist on completing your game; remember the board rules don't apply to you, as a newcomer, and it's very rude not to finish any tangent you may have started. You may need to politely remind any lurking Hosts that you haven't quite finished your game, should they kindly show an interest.

X[ ]0
_[0]_
0[ ]_

Be sure to draw attention to your win with lots of boastful smilies, too. Try to arrange for this to happen when the thread argument is at its height; people will appreciate your efforts to calm things down. Finally, don't forget to start a special new thread in Purgatory about strategies for noughts and crosses, with a link to your winning post; this will help everyone to get to know you quickly, and you'll be amazed at the swift response.
 

---

Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on :
 
Remember this is a magazine of Christian Unrest. Therefore, unconventional is perfectly right. Like the unconventional move of putting an 0 into a game of noughts and crosses, despite the conventional next move being a X.
 

---

Posted by Chapelhead (# 1143) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Alan Cresswell:
Therefore, unconventional is perfectly right. Like the unconventional move of putting an 0 into a game of noughts and crosses, despite the conventional next move being a X.

---

And I thought this was supposed to be a Christian site.
 

---

Posted by Boopy (# 4738) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Alan Cresswell:
Remember this is a magazine of Christian Unrest. Therefore, unconventional is perfectly right. Like the unconventional move of putting an 0 into a game of noughts and crosses, despite the conventional next move being a X.

---

Hmmm. Thinks.

Two possible responses to this Alan:

a) fair cop, hoist by mine own petard, etc, which is true but not relevant to the thread, or,

b) this was merely a demonstration of the way in which Apprentices are encouraged to play games according to odd, unconventional rules no one else has heard of, and then make a fuss when people call them on it.

In MY noughts and crosses game according to Boopy's Rules, the next move was, of course, a 0.
 

---

Posted by Chapelhead (# 1143) on :
 
I think that either Boopy should call Alan to Hell, or the other way round - I'm just not sure which.
 

---

Posted by siobhan (# 5464) on :
 
I am a newbie - well, an old member who got lost -and I have a question. No, really.
Is there anyone on this board where one can post announcements? e.g. this?
I wondered about making an announcement, asking for fiction etc, in All Saints. What do you more experienced types reckon (obviously this is an academic-type announce and I wouldn't want to post it in the wrong place). Would it be offensive to ask in Purgatory?

Remainder of post deleted by Member Admin - see below

[ 28. January 2004, 20:44: Message edited by: RuthW ]
 

---

Posted by Annie P (# 3453) on :
 
Hi Soibhan and welcome to the ship. I hope you enjoy your time here.

Just working on a hunch, don't take this the wrong way, I have a feeling that the announcement might be seen as a form of advertising. As such you would be better to contact the editors of the ship directly to see what they say. I hear their rates are very reasonable.

Any questions relating to where things should go, what you should do (if not in the FAQ's) need to be posted in the Styx. (The boards about the boards).

Alternatively, if you were to follow the advice on this thread, just post it on the first board which you take a fancy to.*

*Anti derailment statement . (Did you see what I did there??? )
 

---

Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 
Admin hat on

siobhan: First, if you have previously registered for the boards, please use that registration.

Second, if you would like to advertise on the Ship, please contact Simon regarding the rates. If you would like to put a short announcement (4 lines or less saying something like "PM or email me for information about submitting to such and such a journal) in your signature, that would be fine.

RuthW
Member Admin

[typos]

[ 28. January 2004, 21:01: Message edited by: RuthW ]
 

---

Posted by Zwingli (# 4438) on :
 
Members of a magazine of Christian Unrest are obviously disappointed with their current churches, so just invite them to yours! They will be in no way annoyed that you keep asking and asking, and saying how wonderful and friendly everyone is there will only encourage them to come. Link to your churches web page on every thread you post on and say the doctrine statement explains your point perfectly; the hosts will love you for this.

Develop a crush on a shipmate based solely on their posting style. Tell them how much you agree and how cute you think their avatar is. Ignore any actual photos of them from shipmeets or linked to through their profile. Ask if they resemble their avatar. Erin in particular will be won over by this approach.

Remember you need 50 posts to become a shipmate but can apply to be a Host after just 20. Make 20 posts in Heaven then apply to host in Hell.
 

---

Posted by Silver Indian (# 4958) on :
 
This post (50) should mean I'm not an apprentice any more!
 

---

Posted by Gremlin (# 129) on :
 
Nope, as many Apprentices mis-understand.. it's the 51st post that means you graduate to a Real Person™.

Gremlin
 

---

Posted by Lyda Rose of Sharon (# 4544) on :
 
And when you get to a thousand posts you get to be a Real Velveteen Rabbit™.

Until then you're just a fluffy bunny.
 

---

Posted by Robert Miller (# 1459) on :
 
By this logic Real Velveteen Rabbit™ status should be aceived at 1001
 

---

Posted by Snooty Fox (# 5470) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lyda Rose of Sharon:
And when you get to a thousand posts you get to be a Real Velveteen Rabbit™.

Until then you're just a fluffy bunny.

---

Pictures...bunnies and rabbits...sitting at their computers...in all seriousness...glasses perched at end of nose, paw on chin...

-SF-
 

---

Posted by musician (# 4873) on :
 
..with a dooling, licking-of-lips Snooty Fox in the background tip-toeing ever closer....


 

---

Posted by Snooty Fox (# 5470) on :
 
It all seems a bit modern-day Beatrix Potter. The Tale of Mr Fluffy Bunny.com

-SF-
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lyda Rose of Sharon:
And when you get to a thousand posts you get to be a Real Velveteen Rabbit™.

Until then you're just a fluffy bunny.

---

Hear, hear!
 

---

Posted by Angel* (# 4690) on :
 
At 750 posts you get a bar of Green & Blacks Chocolate and 2000 posts reward you with a bottle of Bombay Sapphire Gin.

The hosts just love sending out all these prizes - posts mean prizes a la Bruce Forsyth
 

---

Posted by Lyda Rose of Sharon (# 4544) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Angel*:
At 750 posts you get a bar of Green & Blacks Chocolate and 2000 posts reward you with a bottle of Bombay Sapphire Gin.

The hosts just love sending out all these prizes - posts mean prizes a la Bruce Forsyth

---

Hey! Where the hell are my chocolate and gin?

Although if gin is in short supply (hoping, hoping) I'd graciously accept belated Stoli Vodka.
 

---

Posted by Silver Indian (# 4958) on :
 
OK, so now am I no longer an appentice?

 

---

Posted by Jonah the Whale (# 1244) on :
 
Congratulations Silver Indian!

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gremlin:
It's the 51st post that means you graduate to a Real Person™.

---

Unless you happen to be a celebrity organist.

[ 13. February 2004, 10:35: Message edited by: Jonah the Whale ]
 

---

Posted by Norman the Peasant (# 5477) on :
 
Argh - rumbled!!
 

---

Posted by Abishag (# 4710) on :
 

quote:

---

Members of a magazine of Christian Unrest are obviously disappointed with their current churches, so just invite them to yours!

---

What a good idea! I'm a Prison Chaplain...any apprentices want to come to my Church?

I can say this because I've just noticed I'm not an apprentice any longer!

Abishag
 

---

Posted by Abishag (# 4710) on :
 
Chapelhead you haven't got round to my county yet...it's one of those with no vowels in its name.

Abishag
 

---

Posted by Abishag (# 4710) on :
 
When no-one replies to your posts; keep on posting and talking to yourself. Everyone is reading your posts with bated breath and great respect!

Abishag
 

---

Posted by pânts. (# 4487) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Abishag:
When no-one replies to your posts; keep on posting and talking to yourself. Everyone is reading your posts with bated breath and great respect!

Abishag

---

 

---

Posted by Gremlin (# 129) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Abishag:
Chapelhead you haven't got round to my county yet...it's one of those with no vowels in its name.

---

Clywd?

(Of course, in Welsh, it has exactly the same spelling, but the 'y' and the 'w' are both vowels)

Gremlin
 

---

Posted by Abishag (# 4710) on :
 
Da iawn! Formerly known as Flintshire detached....detached from what I don't know! But I'm sure Chapelhead will have something derrogatory to say about it.....in fact I'll feel offended if not! Are you from the same place, Gremlin?

Abishag

[ 15. February 2004, 20:39: Message edited by: Abishag ]
 

---

Posted by pânts. (# 4487) on :
 
bore da. rydw'n hoffi beico yn y mynedd achos rydw'n hoffi y cae ( my spelling always was crap in english...what hope have i got in welsh!!)
 

---

Posted by Abishag (# 4710) on :
 
Helo pants - sut wyt ti? Ble ydy Zumoid yng Nghymru??? Raidd i fi ymarfer fy Gymraeg eto.

Abishag

Yes; new apprentices - all the shipmates speak Welsh and it is important to converse with each of them in Welsh on your first encounter.

[ 15. February 2004, 20:51: Message edited by: Abishag ]
 

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Posted by MarkthePunk (# 683) on :
 
What kind of drugs are you Heavenly druggy bunnies using?
 

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Posted by Lyda Rose of Sharon (# 4544) on :
 
What kind of drugs do you want, Mark?
 

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Posted by Gremlin (# 129) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Abishag:
Da iawn! Formerly known as Flintshire detached....detached from what I don't know! But I'm sure Chapelhead will have something derrogatory to say about it.....in fact I'll feel offended if not! Are you from the same place, Gremlin?

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Close. I live near Flintshire, but originate many other places.

Actually, Clwyd no longer exists, it is now Flintshire, Denbighshire and Conwy. However, many postcode-lookup databases still have it has Clwyd

Gremlin
 

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Posted by pânts. (# 4487) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Abishag:
Helo pants - sut wyt ti? Ble ydy Zumoid yng Nghymru??? Raidd i fi ymarfer fy Gymraeg eto.

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fine ta. its not... its in another world!!! even further away than wales!! something about welsh... but i dunno wat!!
 

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Posted by Chapelhead (# 1143) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Abishag:
Chapelhead you haven't got round to my county yet...it's one of those with no vowels in its name.

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I haven't been isulting any counties recently as I've been away for 10 days (and not a single post or PM saying "Where's Chapelhead?" ).

Actually I had only planned to insult the English counties, on the grounds that everywhere west of the border is just too God-awful to need insulting. This is especially the case for Clwyd, a place so bad that the powers-that-be could only stand it for 22 years before putting it out of our misery. A mercy killing if ever there was.
 

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Posted by Angel* (# 4690) on :
 
In the light of current discussion in The Styx - make sure you have at least 5 lines in your signature.
The hosts and admins will love you for it.
 

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Posted by pânts. (# 4487) on :
 
dont ever use punctuation or capital letters
 

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Posted by Norman the Peasant (# 5477) on :
 
It is a tradition that all new members should use their first post in the following way:

Go to the board marked "Hell", and create a thread entitled "Calling Erin". The content of the OP is really not important. As you will soon find out.
 

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Posted by Abishag (# 4710) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Gremlin:

quote:

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Originally posted by Abishag:
Da iawn! Formerly known as Flintshire detached....detached from what I don't know! But I'm sure Chapelhead will have something derrogatory to say about it.....in fact I'll feel offended if not! Are you from the same place, Gremlin?

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Close. I live near Flintshire, but originate many other places.

Actually, Clwyd no longer exists, it is now Flintshire, Denbighshire and Conwy. However, many postcode-lookup databases still have it has Clwyd

Gremlin

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I was one of those insisting upon using it when I lived there! The alternative was the County Borough of Wrexham (which you left out of your list...you obviously found it memorable! )

Chapelhead - thank you for the insult which was first class! Now can I trouble you to insult Bromsgrove?

Pants - ble ydy Zumoid? dw i'n eishi ymweld yno! Yes there is something about Welsh...well maybe not my Welsh!

advice to apprentices; when using the reply with quotes button, never edit the contents of the post you are quoting - no matter how many previous quotes have been used within it!

Abishag

[ 19. February 2004, 17:20: Message edited by: Abishag ]
 

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Posted by pânts. (# 4487) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Abishag:
Pants - ble ydy Zumoid? dw i'n eishi ymweld yno! Yes there is something about Welsh...well maybe not my Welsh!

Abishag

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zumoid is ... well... kinda in mr pants strange mind (yes he's almost as bad as me!!!).
 

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Posted by Abishag (# 4710) on :
 
Bad is the best way to be, isn't it? Being good never got me very far.....wish I could be really bad! It's this Christian guilt stuff that's the problem.....

Abishag
 

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Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
.......keep your nose clean and always wear clean underwear!


 

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Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on :
 
Insert a string of random smilies at the end of every post.


 

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Posted by MatrixUK (# 3452) on :
 
ahem..

Timely bump to tie in with current styx thread...

M UK
 

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Posted by barrea (# 3211) on :
 
Never say what you really think or you will get suspended for two weeks
 

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Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
Gee, I would think that would depend on how and where you say it.
 

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Posted by Gremlin (# 129) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by barrea:
Never say what you really think or you will get suspended for two weeks

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Not yet. Did you?

Gremlin
 

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Posted by Angel* (# 4690) on :
 
Steal other peoples ideas. Find something on a thread which you think may be eye-catching and reproduce it as your own work.

Everyone will love you for it and along will come lots of smilies.


 

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Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by barrea:
Never say what you really think or you will get suspended for two weeks

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quote:

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Originally posted by Gremlin:

quote:

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Originally posted by barrea:
Never say what you really think or you will get suspended for two weeks

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Not yet. Did you?

Gremlin

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