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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Heaven: The Story Relay, Part III
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
My post on the "History of the Ship" Thread generated some PMs about bringing back the Story Relay after what is now about a year's hiatus. The following characters were involved in a Lord of the Rings-type quest when the thread was unexpectedly interrupted:
Anonymous: The narrator. Of uncertain gender, Anon. is the parent of octuplets (whereabouts currently unknown) with the smiley ![[Biased]](wink.gif) (see below) and platonic friend/confidante of Sheila.
Sheila: A sassy, charismatic hamster. Is the cornerstone of a love triangle between Rodrigo and Charlie.
Rodrigo: A disembodied spirit of a Coypu. Being killed by Quetzalcoatl has not slowed down his dashing, swashbuckling ways. Is torn between Sheila and Antonio Banderas.
Charlie: A Naked Mole Rat. Was originally brought in as a replacement for Sheila when the Story Relay went through a corporate reorganization. Quickly fell in a decidedly unrequited love with Sheila upon her return. Not having had much experience with the world outside his communal burrow in the African Savannah, he is an innocent romantic prone to Walter-Mittyesque fantasies.
Mr. Big: A beaver and former evil mastermind. Still has a fondness for elaborate gadgets.
Quetzalcoatl: The Feathered Serpent of Aztec Mythology. Another formerly sinister and powerful figure ultimately reduced to a comic foil.
Hjalmar: A Norwegian White Rat and Former spy for Mr. Big. Also a flamboyant cross-dresser.
Olli: Hjalmar's identical twin. A devout Lutheran and strongly disapproving of Hjalmar's ways.
Vomit Baby: Formerly Vomit Boy, a semi-successful superhero. Was thrown back into infancy for reasons too complicated to now explain.
Smilies: The emoticons featured in the first "Smilie Sister" thread (now in Limbo). is currently dead, but...
Zorbo: The sometime-Director of the thread. Prone to episodes of both insecurity and grandeur.
And now, back to the story...
[Thread Title edited]
[ 29. August 2004, 01:36: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
"Home at last!" I exclaimed, throwing myself down on the couch. "I still can't believe how, at the last second, we were able to conquer--"
"Oh, I sick of hearing that story," snapped Sheila. "I'd almost rather see that in-flight movie again. The Tuxedo? What were they thinking??"
I tolerated Sheila's outburst, as the jet-lag was obviously affecting her. As she stretched langorously in her exercise wheel...
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
...I realised that our recent lifestyle was taking its toll.
'Fancy that' I said with elaborate carelessness 'this month's Vogue has an entire spread on Stylish Dresses for the Maturer Hamster with the Fuller Figure - '
Within seconds busy rodent teeth had reduced the article to shreds. But I noticed Sheila was now staring morosely into her mirror...
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
... and what looked like a small cavy tear splashed onto the mirror. Her irascible outburst was just a front. She quickly smudged it away with her hamster paw, and I pretended not to notice to save us both from embarrassment.
"A hamster always returns to where her heart is", she said. "Something Rodrigo said... when he was talking about his beginnings as a wee Nutria Rat in the monastery pond. It stirred something within me that I haven't been able to rid from myself. I must search for my ascetic roots! I must seek the counsel of a spiritual elder - I must follow this call no matter where it leads me..."
It was clearly a severe case of jet lag. I wondered whether Sheila would recover in the next hour, or whether I should go book us some more tickets - to the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem?
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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ChastMastr
Shipmate
# 716
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Posted
If you think Sheila will recover, turn to page 35.
If you want to book the tickets, turn to page 42.
Page 35
"I know what I'll do!" exclaimed Sheila. "I'll throw myself into a high-speed weight-loss exercise regimen!"
She started running in her hamster wheel. Faster and faster it went, faster and faster, until it was a blur. "Sheila! You're going too fast! Something's wrong!"
There was a sudden burst of blue light, and both Sheila and the wheel were gone.
--------
Sheila found herself...
If you think Sheila has travelled through time, turn to page 57.
If you think Sheila has travelled to a parallel universe, turn to page 73.
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My essays on comics continuity: http://chastmastr.tumblr.com/tagged/continuity
Posts: 14068 | From: Clearwater, Florida | Registered: Jul 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
[Page 57]
...in front of the Chiesa dell'Immacolata Concezione in the Campo Marzio of Rome.
Her past adventures had innured Sheila to sudden changes of location, but to her dismay, none of the post-Renaissance landmarks of Rome were visible.
"Great, now I'm time-travelling," mused Sheila. "Well, at least I can get some spiritual cleansing or whatever from this nunnery. If I could only find out what time period this is..."
As loud as she could, Sheila called out "Ave! Ego vendo in pace!"
A old nun peered from the balcony and shouted in Latin "The vermin speaks with the voice of a woman! Begone, creature of Satan!"
Ignoring the insult, Sheila frantically thought of a proper reponse before others arrived. Hearing the Greek accent in the Latin, her memories of Medieval History I were revived and she fortunately remembered the nunnery's genesis--
"I flee the Iconoclasts!"
"Oh, why didn't you say so? Hold on a second..."
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
The ever-vacillating 1st-3rd person Narrator, anon, sighed.
...
"Gone again. And with those strange religious thoughts in her head, who knows where she'll end up? There's nothing for it."
I played the 'I have carried you on Eagle's Wings' record backwards, placed a black velvet collection bag on a stick over my head and hoped for the best. Presently, I found myself nicely hidden in the shadows of a large Church and to my relief I saw Sheila outside a convent having an interchange with a wizened old nun. They disappeared inside. I would need the garb of pious pilgrim to infiltrate the nunnery, so I set off in search of a street vendor.
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
...and fortunately found a little atelier in the next piazza, where I picked up rather a darling hooded number in grey with scalloped edges and matching palm-frond tote bag.
Returning to the convent, I found I didn't even need to deploy my Deruta begging bowl, as the gates were being opened to admit a procession.
Reminding myself to look out for that incense in a fragrance, I merged with the crowd, a few dozen acolytes back from an impressive red-robed figure...
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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ChastMastr
Shipmate
# 716
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Posted
...who whirled, pointed at Sheila, and cried, "Seize that strangely anachronistic talking hamster!"
Sheila fled down an alleyway as the guards ran behind her. "Oh," she exclaimed, "if only that hamster wheel had flung me into an alternate universe, I might be safer! If only there were some convenient quantum-charge left over in my small, furry body, which could get me out of this terrible predicament! If only moments of extreme stress could, conveniently, activate this charge, in a manner not unlike that of the Hulk, and send me somewhere, anywhere else..." which was fortunate, as that was exactly what happened, as the guards saw her disappear in a burst of blue light...
If you think Sheila has been transported to the world of "Hairy Porridge and the Charm of the Sporran," turn to page 83.
If you think Sheila has been transported to the world of "Oh, that Sarkycow!," turn to page 94.
{In either case, please post the results here rather than on those threads, unless the people in charge of them are genuinely interested in a real crossover. ![[Smile]](smile.gif) }
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My essays on comics continuity: http://chastmastr.tumblr.com/tagged/continuity
Posts: 14068 | From: Clearwater, Florida | Registered: Jul 2001
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
"Hmph!" said Anon. "Always the same. I have to chase through the known Universe after Her Ladyship. Well there's a bloody good adventure about to start here I reckon, so we'll have to split the party. And you know what happens when you split the party, don't you? Someone gets eaten by a dragon.* "
At the thought of dragons, Anon paused for a moment, brushed his neck and stared off dreamily. He really must get another Quetzacoatl cum feather boa one of these days.
The faint whiff of cordite brought him back to reality.
"Blue light and cordite, sweetie! We'll see who comes begging to whom to be included in their spiffy adventure, won't we, ay?"
.
(*Make that page 101, the Prince and Princesses Poll)
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
'Seize them!' shouted the Grand Inquisitor 'the pseudo pilgrim and the eldritch familiar! They are clearly in league with the diabolical talking beast!'
Thankful that I had accessorised my pilgrim garb with my faithful Nike Kantaras, I sprinted across the piazza, shouting to my companion 'Escape first! Discuss plot later!'
Suddenly my path was blocked and I found myself impacting a broad expanse of bombazine-clad bosom. A strong hand grabbed me and thrust me beneath a stall. Peering through the frayed canvas I saw numerous pairs of military feet arrive in front of a pair of stout black stockinged ones. 'I see no running pilgrim. Not any talking animals either. How about you like a good time, very reasonable rates?'
'Sounds' I muttered to the other occupant of the cramped quarters 'like one of the lays of ancient Rome'
'I think you mean one of the ancient lays, sweetie'
Just then -
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
(Just then) I was inconvenienced by wriggling in my coat pocket. A repulsive (to some, but beautiful in his own category) little head darted out. "Charlie!" I cried. It was the naked mole rat!
"Oh hello, Anon, I didn't think you'd mind me hitching a lift. You see, my ardour for Sheila has not diminished and I must take myself into her presence any way I can. I was sure you'd understand. Oh. And. I'm your eldritch familiar in case you hadn't worked it out. I was having a little look out and I guess they spotted me." Charlie did his best 'don't hurt me, I am harmless' impression.
I looked down at my coat pocket, there was a mole rat head-sized porthole gnawed out of it.
"Well", I said, "Your beautiful 'diabolical talking beast' has vanished in a flash of blue light and cordite. I'm a bit put out about that. So if your little love-stricken beacon-like heart could see itself right to put out a message to the ether and get Sheila to return, I'd be very appreciative."
My eyes slowly adjusted to the light - I was in a small room with decor resembling the waiting room of an Egyptian brothel. The air was redolent with cheap perfume and questionable smokey substances.
I squinted trying to see the other occupant.
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
Though with frequent glances at the damage to my ensemble - I mean, one does not buy Italian designer to have it gnawed to shreds by lovelorn rodents.
My attention was caught by the entry of our sometime rescuer - now not unbecomingly attired in several pounds of bugle beads and seven (only slightly darned) veils.
'So' she said 'any one who is running from the Grand Inquisitor is a friend of Thais. He is the wall-eyed son of a flatulent she-ass'.
I eyed the legendary courtesan with new respect - perhaps a little stouter and more mature than I would have expected: but still, a fine figure of several women.
'Perhaps - with your experience - you can advise my friend here' - I yanked the rat from my damaged pocket - 'he is wildly, but I fear vainly, enamoured of a certain hamster'.
Our hostess smiled, and whispered in Charlie's ear. I could see a blush travel the entire length of his hairless body.
'Aha!' he cried, a new light gleaming in his little eyes 'Sheila! my pumpkin of desire! now you are mine!' and with that -
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
- he fainted from his excitement.
"What did you tell him??" I demanded as I tried to slap Charlie awake with my index finger.
"You will find out soon enough. Client confidientiality for now," smiled Thais.
"But he hasn't paid you anything," said I, playing the Sophist.
"Not yet, but such an exotic friend will be worth something in the future, I guarantee you. Where are you all from?"
"We're from the future," I blurted, too tired to think of a convincing tale.
Thais looked at me searchingly, then laughed. "So ridiculous, it must be true! Such a boast would really make the Inquisitor unhappy. Talking animals would be nothing to it! Speaking of which, I'm sure the good Sisters already miss this Sheila of yours--a lost miracle of Piety for them, though she could have stood to fast a little, if you know what I mean..."
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
'No, I do not know what you mean' said an icy voice 'perhaps you would like to enlarge?'
Sheila, in a somewhat tousled habit and skewed wimple, stood regarding us malevolently, paws on hips.
'Sheila!' exclaimed a suddenly reviving Charlie.
'You stay out of it!' she snarled giving him an offhand cuff.
'She touched me!' With that, he fainted again.
Just then there was a sound of splintering wood, shouts and screams from somewhere outside the room.
'Tsk!' exclaimed Thais 'That'll either be the Holy Office, the Society for the Suppression of Vice or the local police. Or possibly all three. Quick, come with me'.
And with that -
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
I sighed. Charlie would most likely end up on a large platter with a plum in his mouth if I left him here. "Don't eat this one" I said in my best subliminally suggestive voice, and put him in my good pocket.
Thais swung a sumptious headboard away from the wall revealing a small passage, and bade us enter. We came out amid ferns in what looked like a small indoor tropical garden complete with mini-waterfall.
"Welcome to my private residence - I do so like to keep work separate from home", Thais crooned.
We were in a splendid marble room with a large Roman bath which was continually filled by water trickling down a marble slope from a gurgling fountain. Plush cushions and sofas were decadently strewn around the perimeter together with slabs set up for massage, a table with what looked like backgammon pieces and near it another huge table laden with 2 dozen different types of aromatic fruits. Trying to avoid Sheila's gaze, I grabbed Charlie in one hand, selected a particularly aromatic mango and wafted it under his nose - surely lovestricken naked mole rats would respond to prime mangoes?
I discreetly peeked to see how Sheila was responding to the environment, hoping against hope that she was placated...
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
"Take as much you want," Thais cheerfully offered.
"Wouldn't that make you an enabler to the eating disorder you so helpfully diagnosed?" Sheila sniffed sarcastically.
"Oh, lighten up, dearie--I'm the first to say that I've seen better days myself. Why don't you tell us how you got back?"
"I wound up in the Jurassic," Sheila deigned to reply. "and almost became lunch for some small theropod. Fortunately, my wheel has a rewind option."
"Do you mean the Jura Mountains in Gaul? The scenery is supposed to exquisite."
"She does, kind of," I quickly threw in, considering that even the worldly Thais would have some problem absorbing some of the Future's knowledge...
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
"And uh, Sheila", I quickly continued, "That wimple quite becomes you."
She pursed her hamster lips and tapped her foot. I was still in her bad books.
"Isn't this a fabulous place that Thais has here, don't you think?" I tried again.
"It's alright!" she said pointedly. "However, as we both know she doesn't end up keeping it, does she?"
"WHAT?!" cried Thais.
"Um, nothing, really. She was talking in the abstract, you know, the way of all flesh. Transient earthly life. Everything fades and slips out of our grasp", I couldn't believe it, Sheila was in a particularly bitchy mood, and her comments ran the risk of altering Thais' destiny.
"No", said Thais. "I think there is something more to what the little nun says."
Sheila bit down into a grape the size of a plum. "Try this on for size: 'cell', 'sealed', '3 yrs', 'bread', 'water', 'nice things', 'immolated by choice'"
"Sheila, stop! We need to consider the ethical implications!"
"Nooooo!", wailed Thais, steadying herself on a marble massage table.
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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ChastMastr
Shipmate
# 716
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Posted
If you think that the past will be altered with startling repercussions for the future, turn to page 68.
If you think that this will merely create a divergent reality with potential to cross back over again with the original, with two sets of protagonists who shall meet each other leading to Confusing Hijinks Ensuing, and possibly leading to something not unlike "Crisis on Infinite Earths," turn to page 93.
If you think the protagonists will create a simulacrum, automaton, or hard-light hologram which will replace Thais so she does not have such horrid things happen to her, allowing her to travel with the main cast and have adventures while her "replacement" simulates suffering in her place, Thais leading a rich and happy life Happily Ever After, turn to page 104.
If you think that -- Hey! Who are you?
I'm Jonni DC -- Continuity Cop! I've travelled back into the past to prevent the whole Crisis (see page 93) from happening!
Oh, this is so very "Terminator," don't you think?
Hey, it happens.
So what happens now?
I shoot you.
WHAT??
Either that or YOU can take Thais' place for the moment until we get this sorted out. Roy Thomas couldn't make this make sense!
Oh dear.
Yes, well, it's a dirty job, but someone has to do it...
Thais wailed. "I don't want to die!"
Suddenly, another Thais walked in. "Um, hi." She dug around in her robes and pulled out a stapled set of pages, typewritten. "Sorry, forgot my script."
"But -- who are you?" asked Thais. "You look exactly like me!"
"Um, yes," said the other Thais. "Hold on, let me see... aha. 'I am an angel who is here to take your place and your sufferings upon myself, so that time and space are not harmed by your rescue and knowledge of the future. You may go now, good woman, with these people, so that history may not be unravelled, and you may be shaved from the awful fate which now --'"
"Shaved?" asked Sheila.
"Um... right. Sorry. Typo. '... saved from the awful fate which awaits you. But you must flee quickly -- all of you, pass through this portal I am opening now.'"
Nothing happened.
"I said, 'Pass through this portal I am opening now.'"
Nothing continued to happen. It was quite anticlimactic.
"I SAID, 'PASS THROUGH THIS &*$% PORTAL I AM--'"
A glowing green portal opened, and all of our Beloved Characters, a bit confused, stepped through. The portal vanished.
"So, er, what happens now?" asked the narrator replacing Thais.
Well, now they're off to somewhere else. Great adventures are in store for them!
"No, no, I mean, what happens to me?"
Well, before Thais went through her ordeals, she lived in the lap of luxury, so it'll be enjoyable for a while.
"Hey, that works. Ooo! Grapes! So about how long do I have before the bad stuff starts?"
I'd say about fifteen minutes...
-----------------------------------
Meanwhile, on the other side of the portal...
[ 19. August 2003, 16:21: Message edited by: ChastMastr ]
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My essays on comics continuity: http://chastmastr.tumblr.com/tagged/continuity
Posts: 14068 | From: Clearwater, Florida | Registered: Jul 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
We tumbled through the portal--back into Thais's anteroom. The furniture was in a disarray indicative of a warrantless search, but there were no intruders to be seen.
"All that hoopla to go from one room to another," complained Sheila.
Thais's worries were much more substantial. "They may be back...but...who was that woman who looked like me...and that light we went through...could the Inquisitor be right about--"
"--we need sanctuary!" I declared, desperately attempting to derail Thais's troubled thoughts. "Sheila," I commanded, in my stress slipping back into English, "get us back to the nunnery!"
"Oh, I suppose I can, if you're just dying to--"
"NOW!" Things were dire enough to brave even Sheila's pissy mode...
[ 20. August 2003, 17:30: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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ChastMastr
Shipmate
# 716
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Posted
"Oh, all right, if you insist," said Sheila.
"Sanctuary much," I replied. And, a moment later, "Ouch."
Nursing my hamster-bitten finger, I crept quietly with the others toward the nunnery...
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My essays on comics continuity: http://chastmastr.tumblr.com/tagged/continuity
Posts: 14068 | From: Clearwater, Florida | Registered: Jul 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
After a few minutes of navigating dark, twisted, alleys and dodging wandering livestock, we were back at the ediface.
"Ego sum multum in parvo," loudly whispered Sheila. Within seconds, the great door opened and the old Mother Superior peeked out.
"You have returned to us! But..." She eyed Thais with suspicious recognition.
"This repentent sinner gave me aid," Sheila anticipated. "The other is equally eager to serve us in atonement for many sins."
"Very well, if they have your countenance. Make haste."
We were hustled in. In the large stone hall, other Sisters entered, the uneasiness obviousness.
Would we all be allowed to stay?
Sheila suddenly twitched dramatically. "I'm having a vision!"
The nuns gathered around her excitedly.
"The Empress will soon depose her son and the true practices will be restored!"
"So we have prayed! A fitting end to the grandson of Copronymous," said the Mother Superior, adding a spitting motion with her lips.
Morale was no longer a problem...
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
I felt around in my pocket--Charlie was gone!
Where could he be?--but I was distracted by Thais raising her voice at Sheila--
"What do you MEAN, I can't ever go back??..."
[Grammar corrected]
[ 19. September 2003, 13:37: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
'Wait!' I cried. 'I'm having a vision!' And, quite honestly, with breakfast a distant dream, and nothing but the odd grape since and all that rushing about my blood sugar was all over the place and things were going distinctly swimmy in front of my eyes.
But just at the moment I could discern a sea of eager faces with perfect clarity. There was nothing else for it. I went rigid, pointed a trembling finger, gibbered soundlessly for a bit, then uttered a convincing shriek. There was a reason for its authenticity...
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
...as I felt myself goosed by frantic rodent scurrying. Oh well--at least I found Charlie.
"I give you another miracle of piety!" After a few seconds of fumbling, I produced--HJALMAR!
"Oooh, those habits are so dowdy," Hjalmar disapprovingly shrieked in English as the nuns stared in bewilderment.
I grabbed the white rat by the scruff of his neck. "How did you get here??..."
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
"More to the point," Sheila snapped in the direction of her old adversary, "how can we get rid of him?"
"Ooh, get her," taunted Hjalmar.
"I'm the miracle of piety here, you poser wannabe, so watch your step or you'll get your designer-knockoff seams crooked."
"Are they speaking in tongues?" wondered the Mother Superior.
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
'Verily' I assented. 'Two talking rodents with ecstatic utterance. I think we're talking serious pilgrimage destination in anybody's money. Moreover' I continued, fixing the two furry ones with a meaning look 'the tombs of these marvellous creatures would be an equal draw'.
The Mother Superior was doing serious sums on her rosary. 'Alleluia and all that stuff' she exclaimed briskly. 'Sisters, we have work to do! First -
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
"...we must make the People's protest too strong should the Grand Inquisitor decide to interfere. If we get witnesses, can you prophesy some more, little friend?"
"Of course..." Sheila was putting up a good front, but I could tell she was straining to remember additional tidbits of Late-Eighth-Century History.
"Yes, tell us all," Thais bitterly joined in...
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
"Aha!" Sheila said to herself, and then to us, "I have remembered--I mean, I've received another vision, which I will keep in wait for your witnesses."
"Excellent," the Mother Superior bowed. "To work, sisters--the appropriate banners must be made. Cantatrix, have you time to compose..."
Except for Charlie's absence, all was well--for the time being. We needed somehow to get out of here before Sheila changed the course of History. I put down Hjalmar, who meticulously smoothed out his ra-ra skirt...
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
..and covertly straightened his seams. Before going rigid and pointing a trembling finger.
'You can stop now' snapped Sheila 'they've all gone'.
Hjalmar whirled round 'I really am seeing Unearthly Sights, you rotound cow' he snarled, before whipping back into stare-and-point mode 'Lo! In his habit as he lived!'
'Well, I never' I exclaimed 'Rodrigo! How's the being dead business going?'
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
"I can't complain," said Rodrigo. "Not being bound by the laws of Time and Space certainly has its advantages, as I wondered where you all had gone and never would have found you otherwise."
"Why are you wearing a nun's habit?" asked Sheila with note of weariness.
"Oh...to...avoid being conspicuous in this convent. Yes, that's the reason."
"And how is the delightful Antonio?" purred Hjalmar.
Rodrigo's incorporeal face grew tight-lipped. "I would rather not discuss him, thank you..."
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
'These cross states-of-being relationships hardly ever work out. I mean, what would you bring the kids up as? Dead or alive?'
'Enough with the counselling, already' interposed Sheila crisply. 'Can I just remind everyone we are the epicentre of a major religious revival here? We have a show to put on people!'
'Starring' said a voice we had not heard in a while 'the oneandonly! the legendary! the amazing! THAIS! Who Will Recreate for You Her Life of Opulent Debauchery Before She Was A Saved Girl!'
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
Never one willing to share the limelight, Sheila bristled. But the returning nuns were delighted at Thais's announcement.
"This will really get the people's attention," said the Mother Superior. "The Pope himself would hear of it!"
"Ahem! Wouldn't the Pope be more interested in my miraculous predictions as opposed to some peep-show--"
"Jealous, much?" lilted Thais...
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Timothy L
Shipmate
# 2170
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Posted
beep beep
Mr. Big, ensconced in the Hall of Evil, starts, his beaver tail knocking over a year's worth of pizza boxes and soda cans...
Look at the monitors, Hjalmar, the rats are running! We will turn your turncoat svelt white pelt to some consequence...
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Timothy
Posts: 757 | From: Kalamazoo | Registered: Jan 2002
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
"Ooo, sounds marvy," opined Hjalmar.
"They don't suspect how you found them, do they?"
"Oh, please--I am an expert on making the right entrance."
"Very well--now, get back to the Eighth Century."
"Give me a second to restock my Clinique, you big brute..."
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
(Back at the convent)
Mother Superior: So, for each show, we start in the antechamber, with hopefully, a full house of pilgrims. Thais will do her thing, the (looks at parchment Program) 'Naked Feather Fan dance' to symbolise her life as a wanton and harlot; is that right, my child?
Thais (purring): Yes, Mother Superior.
Mother Superior: Then, to show her transformation to godliness, the vat of bubbles [MS points] is poured on her from the ceiling and she vanishes into the baptismal font. She emerges dripping wet, her baptismal garment clinging to her body.
Cantatrix (interrupting): Mother Superior, I've composed a sort of slow beat number for the fan dance which evolves into a work of fulsome fervent mysticism.
Mother Superior: Excellent. Thais then exits, shuffling backwards and beckoning... sort of like Giselle. The pilgrims follow her and file through a room where, the little nun stands atop a reliquary on the right and the little white friar atop a reliquary to the left. Then as they feel moved they may make an offering into the coin slot of each reliquary, kiss the Little Holy Miracles of Piety and file out the back exit.
Sheila and Hjalmar simultaneously: 'I'm not doing it!!!!'
Hjalmar would be easy to convince, I thought. Promise him a white feather habit and he'd be anybody's. Sheila... required a different approach.
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
Rodrigo bobbed about at face level, and a glimmer of emotion passed across the lengthily dead nutria rat's face. 'There wouldn't be a minor part available for a non-corporeal coypu in your show, would there?'
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
After so many "miracles" occurring in such a short period, the nuns were not particularly surprised at seeing Rodrigo.
"Oh...hello there," the Mother Superior greeted him. "May I ask if any other creatures will coming?"
"Maybe one more," I proffered.
"Wonderful! They could then be the four Living Creatures of Revelation! We'll need to sew some wings and extra eyes--"
"Oo, oo, I want to be the Lion!" demanded Hjalmar
"As if," snorted Sheila. "Calf you might pull off..."
"Let's not get carried away," hedged Thais, feeling her limelight slipping.
I grew suspicious--how come Hjalmar could now understand Latin?...
[ 26. January 2004, 00:57: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
I didn't have to time to follow my train of thought--A novice came rushing in.
"Mother Superior," she panted. "Umberto the Banker and his wife are here! They wish to see Thais and her miraculous creatures!"
"HEY!!" barked Sheila at that billing.
"Right, then," considered the MS. "Scrap the Four Creatures bit--we have to go with what we have. Thais, prepare yourself for your first scene--the others have some opening act, I am sure. We can't keep our biggest patrons waiting!"
As Sheila sulked, a bulky man and equally bulky woman soon entered, their gruff mumblings in a local dialect treated with due deference by the sisters. As the two glanced with some nervousness at the rodents (particularly the floating Rodrigo), they were led to chairs, where they sat down expectantly.
Hjalmar saw his chance. He leaped into the performing area and, swiveling his hips, launched into "Hit Me Baby One More Time." Though of course not understanding the foreign lyrics, Umberto and his Lady were obviously fascinated by the rat's voice, white fur, and carefully-coordinated ensemble.
Her more subtle gifts neglected, Sheila decided to...
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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