quote:

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Originally posted by Loveheart:

[The Court of The Lord Lyon has banned Christmas because...]



"Hark the Herald" isn't registered with them.

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Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Loveheart:
John Cleese has banned Christmas because...

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quote:

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Originally posted by pimple:


Katie Price (Jordan) has banned Christmas because...

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she needs to do something to get her photo in the tabloids - it's been a whole 36 minutes since they last covered her.


The Hosts and Admins have banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by Drifting Star (# 12799) on :
 
they don't mind us offering them gold and frankincense, but...

The Guardian has banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by Foaming Draught (# 9134) on :
 
their typesetting spell-checker renders it Hcstrmasi

Virgins have banned Christmas because ...
 

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Posted by Sandemaniac (# 12829) on :
 
...even coming but once a year is too much for them!

The Wee Frees have banned Christmas because...

AG

P.S. Drifting Star -
 

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Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on :
 
people might enjoy themselves.


The National Health Service has banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
...all this overindulgence is a national health risk.

The Secret Service have banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :
 
They have lost the laptop with the Christmas card list on.

Fabio Capello* has banned Christmas because

*England's soccer manager.
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
...his team needs to focus on what is really, really important just now.

Osama bin Laden has banned Christmas because
 

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Posted by Imaginary Friend (# 186) on :
 
...he's fed up of being told he looks like Father Christmas.

Richard Dawkins has banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by fletcher christian (# 13919) on :
 
...he's too worried about feeding his own delusions rather than anyone else's.

Catherine Tate has banned Christmas because......
 

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Posted by Loveheart (# 12249) on :
 
its a f***ing liberty!

Bruce Forsyth has banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
...one old codger on prime time is enough.

The Society of Antiquaries has banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by Pax Romana (# 4653) on :
 
... it cannot be proven that Jesus was actually born on December 25, therefore it is scholastically incorrect to celebrate His birth on that day

Barack Obama has banned Christmas because ...

Pax Romana
 

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Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
He can't cope with two kids whose sense of entitlement exceeds the Presidential Budget.

The Labour party has banned Xmas
 

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Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on :
 
The rich and the multi-nationals benefit from it far more than the poor do.

The airlines have banned Christmas because
 

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Posted by Loveheart (# 12249) on :
 
they have to pay all their staff triple time

George Michael has banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by Spike (# 36) on :
 
.. last Christmas, he gave you his heart but the very next day.......

Sorry, but someone had to do it. You'll all be singing it to yourselves for the rest of the week now, even though you hate it. MWAHAHAHAHA!!!

The Church of England has banned Christmas because...

[ 08. December 2009, 22:23: Message edited by: Spike ]
 

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Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 
... the American Episcopal Church and various African provinces are fighting over who gets to hang their stocking closest to the Archbishop of Canterbury's.

The state of California has banned Christmas because ...

[ 08. December 2009, 23:49: Message edited by: RuthW ]
 

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Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
Arnie doesn't do peace anywhere.


My granny has banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :
 
...she's still recovering from the incident with the reindeer last year. (My gift to my Circus shipmates- ear worms for all! )

McDonald's has banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by Loveheart (# 12249) on :
 
because everyone is eating turkey/goose etc instead of a Big Mac

Disney has banned Christmas because...

[ 09. December 2009, 07:18: Message edited by: Loveheart ]
 

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Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
...it should be Bambi, not Rudolf.

The Orange Order has banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by Tawny (# 11641) on :
 
It is too cold to march.

The NHS has banned Christmas because
 

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Posted by Loveheart (# 12249) on :
 
all that kissing under the mistletoe spreads germs

The Caravan Club have banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by ruleone (# 15321) on :
 
... caravans don't have chimneys, and Santa always forgets them.

Greenpeace has banned Christmas!
 

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Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :
 
... Father Christmas delivers presents by air instead of sourcing locally.

Climate change deniers have banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
No snow!


The Post office has banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by Spike (# 36) on :
 
... so many people are posting Christmas cards, they've run out of red elastic bands to throw on the pavement

The BNP have banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by Loveheart (# 12249) on :
 
Santa is an illegal immigrant from the North Pole who is taking work from our loyal English postmen and women

The RSCM have banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by Foaming Draught (# 9134) on :
 
they heard that people were stuffing a Byrd.

Pampers™ have banned Christmas because ...

FD
 

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Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
the Lord did not wear a disposable diaper.

Macy's Department Store have banned Christmas because...

[ 10. December 2009, 11:02: Message edited by: Sir Kevin ]
 

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Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
They're keeping up with Harrods.


My cleaner has banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by Sandemaniac (# 12829) on :
 
...of what she found in the broom cupboard after the last Christmas party!

The National Federation of Young Farmers' Clubs has banned Christmas because...

AG
 

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Posted by Loveheart (# 12249) on :
 
because a carpenter got to be the son of God and not a shepherd!


CAMRA has banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
...Santa's still wearing the Coca-Cola outfit.

The National Trust has banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by macdonde (# 9062) on :
 
...Santa's reindeer constitute an introduction of a non-native species with a devastating impact on Britain's natural environment.

The Obama Administration Has Banned Christmas! Because...

[ 10. December 2009, 22:02: Message edited by: macdonde ]
 

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Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
They respect their leader's cultural heritage, no matter how far back they had to dig to find it.


My greengrocer has banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by Loveheart (# 12249) on :
 
he is worried about piling on the pounds, and he isn't allowed to operate in pounds, only kilos!

Jedward have banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
There can be only one star of the show, and it isn't either of them.


Simon Cowell has banned Christmas...
 

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Posted by Loveheart (# 12249) on :
 
because he isn't the centre of attention

Donald Trump has banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by Angel Wrestler (# 13673) on :
 
getting out in the wind and snow messes up his comb-over.

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer has banned Christmas because
 

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Posted by Foaming Draught (# 9134) on :
 
Two weeks of carols doesn't leave time to sing Shine Jesus Shine.

Kim Jong-il has banned Christmas because ....

FD
 

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Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on :
 
...he does not mind his people going without food. But his hills denuded of trees are another matter.

The Irish have banned Christmas because ...
 

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Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :
 
...they are pouting because St. Patrick doesn't get to be Father Christmas.

Jerry Springer has banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by Foaming Draught (# 9134) on :
 
he thinks that the Heavenly Host is a competing trash TV compère.

Kermit the Frog has banned Christmas because ...

FD
 

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Posted by Sandemaniac (# 12829) on :
 
It's not easy being green at Christmas!

The British Board of Film Censors have banned Christmas because...

AG
 

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Posted by Imaginary Friend (# 186) on :
 
all those cheesy Christmas flicks are making them feel ill.

Bob Geldof has banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on :
 
... he resents not being the centre of attention for once.

The Police have banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by andythehat (# 10399) on :
 
..because Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic!

(D'oh, groan...)

Silvio Berlusconi has banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
Someone might throw a model crib at him.


Gordon Brown has banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :
 
MP's have been putting the trees and decorations on expenses.

Bernie Ecclestone has banned Christmas because . . .
 

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Posted by alienfromzog (# 5327) on :
 
He holds the worldwide franchise and no one has offered him enough money to be allowed to hold their own individual Christmas events.

Current prices start from £100,000 for a family of four going up to £1,000,000 for a large family gathering.

Jesus has banned Christmas because
 

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Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :
 
...he doesn't want to be reminded of his age. After 2,000 you might feel a little tetchy about it, too.

Steven Spielberg has banned Christmas because...

[ 17. December 2009, 08:08: Message edited by: Lyda*Rose ]
 

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Posted by Sandemaniac (# 12829) on :
 
The only Christmas list anyone gave him was Schindlers!

The Potato Marketing Board have banned Christmas because...

AG
 

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Posted by alienfromzog (# 5327) on :
 
everybody knows that roast potatoes cooked in goose fat are the best by far and a large number of people have been trying goose instead of turkey this year. The board fear that if too many people have roast potatoes in goose fat they will not want 'lesser' potatoes for the rest of the year.

Ship of Fools has cancelled Christmas because...


 

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Posted by Hiro's Leap (# 12470) on :
 
...it's too commercialised and pagan for Real Christians to celebrate, and the Ship nothing if not a Christian Website.

The Wild Things (from Where The Wild Things Are) have banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by Celtic Knotweed (# 13008) on :
 
...it's been tamed.

The Metropolitan Police have banned (photographing) Christmas because...

[edited for spelling, despite the spell-checker!]

[ 17. December 2009, 22:53: Message edited by: Celtic Knotweed ]
 

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Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on :
 
... because Santa's reindeer notoriously comply with neither the speed limit nor the new exhaust fume legislation.

Liverpool FC have banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by Loveheart (# 12249) on :
 
they don't think its much Kop, tend to get as high as a Kuyt, and have a completely Torres time of it. Plus it'll probably Reina. Benitez is a man outstanding in his Anfield though.

Either that or its banned because the team is doing SO badly, they don't deserve any time off to celebrate, but should spend the day practising instead!

Thomas the Tank Engine has banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
His author (A clergyman) was always busy on Christmas Day, and Thomas felt neglected.


The Queen has banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :
 
One has said it all every Christmas after dinner and everything is so AWFUL now, how can one be positive or inspirational for one's subjects any more? I mean Jesus Christ Charles, when are you going to smother one with a pillow and take this crap on?

The magi have banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on :
 
They are expected to make huge commutes every Christmas and are never even allowed to return the same way they arrived by.

My internet provider has banned Christmas because
 

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Posted by PeteC (# 10422) on :
 
Because they think they need more profits. And people listening to prophets diminishes theirs.


PeteC has banned Christmas this year
 

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Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
Because it has lost its meaning since his recent conversion to agnosticism.


Turkeys have banned Christmas...

[ 19. December 2009, 09:50: Message edited by: jacobsen ]
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
....because they're fed up of all that Gobbling.

The Grimethorpe Colliery Band has banned Christmas because....
 

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Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :
 
There's no Grimethorpe Colliery any more.

Simon Cowell has banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
He can't vote for the main chracter.


Boris Johnson has banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by Snags (# 15351) on :
 
... he keeps getting into trouble with other people's stockings.

Terry Wogan has banned Christmas because ...
 

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Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :
 
He can't get up in time for breakfast any more.

The "Morning Star" has banned Chrisymas because ...
 

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Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
The Star went into action long before it was launched.


Pope Benedict has banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :
 
...the Christmas message of good news is compromised by secular elements such as Marxism.

Hollywood has banned Christmas...
 

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Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on :
 
like, I mean, it's like, totally, this like, religious thing, and I'm like so not like religious, but like totally spir-a-tual!? So, like, this year, I'm like totally doing this like Buddhist earth-mother reintegration? That's like what Christmas is, right?


Marion Barry banned Christmas because . . .
 

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Posted by Loveheart (# 12249) on :
 
there was no room for him at the inn either

John Rutter has banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by Traveller (# 1943) on :
 
not enough people were singing his Christmas music.

Carol has banned Christmas because ...
 

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Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
..of embarrassment at having ousted plainchant from the forefront of the music.


Blitzen has banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by Angel Wrestler (# 13673) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by jacobsen:
..of embarrassment at having ousted plainchant from the forefront of the music.


Blitzen has banned Christmas because...

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He got fed up with being last and looking at all those reindeer heineys (and smelling the emissions) every Christmas.

Tiger Woods has banned Christmas because ...
 

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Posted by Leaf (# 14169) on :
 
... every time Santa says, "Ho! Ho! Ho!" it feels like an accusation.

Mattel (toy company) has banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
Elfin safety has vetoed all their products.

The Head Chorister has banned Christmas because....
 

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Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on :
 
because the cast of the show hasn't changed in 2000 years.

Snow men have banned Christmas because...
 

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Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on :
 
They've had enough of their snowballs being thrown around.

The clergy have banned Christmas because
 

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Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :
 
... they just can't cope with the shock of seeing their churches full for a change!

Eurostar has banned Christmas because ...
 

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Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on :
 
...after some minor delays - sorry if this has caused anyone any inconvenience - they found a Christmas tree had grown on the tracks.

Ann Summers has cancelled Christmas because...

Some people are playing off the Ship. playing off board! Is that allowed?
 

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Posted by andythehat (# 10399) on :
 
You can't go out looking like that, you'll catch your death of cold....

The BCTGA has banned Christmas because...

( BCTGA website. But of course, you knew who they were anyway... )
 

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Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
The carbon footprint was too great.

My cats have banned Christmas because
 

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