Ship of Fools: Clickbait Bible - A Kerygmaniacal Game

Thread: Clickbait Bible - A Kerygmaniacal Game Board: The Circus / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :

You know, those eye-grabbing, sensationalist headlines that just beg you to click on them and don't quite deliver what they promise?

Over on the Ship's FB page, there's a cartoon with several clickbait headlines for the Old Testament, to wit:

Why did this man order 300 cubits of gopher wood? The reason will shock you!

Israelites are halted at the Red Sea. You won't believe what happens next!

What clickbait headlines can Shipmates come up with? I'll start us out with one from Kelly Alves, riffing on all those cute-kids-and-animals links:

"Five thousand people refused to share lunch with each other... Then one kid stood up, and our hearts melted."

Let's give it a try....

[ 15. October 2016, 19:16: Message edited by: Mamacita ]

Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :

Latest trend in wall-hopping! Also useful for extra bread and fish! You won't believe what baskets can do for you!

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

Someone on the Facebook page asked for a sport themed one. All I could think of was David and Goliath. Hence:

"David's epic clapback at a sneering Samaritan's insults."

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :

"Eating this mystery fruit will CHANGE YOUR LIFE!"

Posted by Nigel M (# 11256) on :

Trump this: “You're Fired!”

Posted by Nigel M (# 11256) on :

From the Hotmail Junk E-mail box:

Meet new people in your area - 3 day trial

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Someone on the Facebook page asked for a sport themed one. All I could think of was David and Goliath. Hence:

"David's epic clapback at a sneering Samaritan's insults."

"Five smooth secrets for vanquishing a Philistine. You won't believe what this kid can do!"

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :

Itinerant Rabbi Shouts into Tomb -- What Happens Next Will Astound You!

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :

What the King saw from the rooftop. Shocking!

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :

In the beginning, it was dark. Then someone turned on the light.

But wait! There's more!

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :

Itinerant preacher casts out demons, but you won't believe what these pigs did next! [VIDEO]

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :

Try this one weird tip to prevent the death of your firstborn.

Posted by Hedgehog (# 14125) on :

Get great tasting wine from just ordinary water! This one simple trick will show you how!"

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :

Undertakers hate this prophet's bones!

Posted by Hedgehog (# 14125) on :

Inspired by Nigel M's links:

What this soldier looks like now is INSANE!

Posted by Eutychus (# 3081) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Try this one weird tip to prevent the death of your firstborn.

This king rebuilt Jericho - AND added gates: here's how.

[ 16. October 2016, 18:31: Message edited by: Eutychus ]

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

And some say long hair is unmanly! Read what happened to this war hero when his girlfriend made him cut his locks!

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

( ...wow, that's a weird verse) (to Euty)

Speaking of Jericho...

These soldiers' sweet trumpet licks really bring the house down!

[ 16. October 2016, 18:43: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :

This guy may be short, but what he does with a sycamore tree is HUGE!

[ 16. October 2016, 19:19: Message edited by: Mamacita ]

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

We all panicked when the auditor came-- but we never expected this!

Posted by Eutychus (# 3081) on :

These 120 men speak 15 languages! Here's how.

Posted by Eutychus (# 3081) on :

What's your answer to the latest question driving the internet wild: is the coat... white and gold or blue and black?

(or red and yellow and green and brown and scarlet and black and ochre and peach and ruby and olive and violet and fawn and lilac and gold and chocolate and mauve and cream and crimson and silver and rose and azure and lemon and russet and grey and purple and white and pink and orange and...)

Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :

Shocking ways to happiness - don't try this at home!

Posted by Eutychus (# 3081) on :

Only child runs out to greet her returning war hero dad. What happens next will make you cry.

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :

You won't believe how many ancestors this man has! #17 will shock you!

Posted by Eutychus (# 3081) on :

Lose pounds in just 390 days - the method doctors don't want you to know about

(pop-up, alternates annoyingly with the following):

You can't get more eco-friendly than this natural cooking solution. Save up to 100% on gas bills!*

==

*dysentry optional

[ 16. October 2016, 21:01: Message edited by: Eutychus ]

Posted by Eutychus (# 3081) on :

Hot, single girl available for date - local to you!!! - Timnah Road, Enaim. Click to chat*

==

*Seals, cords and staffs accepted as down payment, caveat emptor.

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :

The boy done good: How a trip to Egypt turned into a family reunion - and Our Kid's done alright for himself.

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :

They spent the night in each other's arms--but when the morning came!

This would also do for Jacob and Leah, come to think of it.

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Eutychus:

quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Try this one weird tip to prevent the death of your firstborn.
This king rebuilt Jericho - AND added gates: here's how.

Oy. I was thinking of
this.

ETA: I'm beginning to think I might submit my stuff on this thread to a marketing position. [Devil]

[ 17. October 2016, 03:25: Message edited by: Lamb Chopped ]

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :

I got that one, LC.

I'm still stumped by mousethief's ancestor #17.

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :

Mind-blowing investment tips!

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :

You won't believe what you can do with your tongue

[ 17. October 2016, 05:34: Message edited by: Zappa ]

Posted by Athrawes (# 9594) on :

Beautiful Queen Jezebel climbs a tower. What happens next will have you in tears! You won't believe what the Israelites let their dogs do!

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :

Don't know how to pray? Follow this simple guide!

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Mamacita:
I got that one, LC.

I'm still stumped by mousethief's ancestor #17.

Either of the genealogies in Matt, Luke. #17 was an arbitrary number of the sort in some kinds of click bait.

Posted by Trudy Scrumptious (# 5647) on :

All he asked her for was a drink of water. You won't believe what she gave him instead.

All he asked her for was a drink of water. You won't believe what else he had in mind.

All he asked her for was a drink of water. You won't believe what he told her next.

[ 17. October 2016, 16:04: Message edited by: Trudy Scrumptious ]

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :

Live your life according to these 10 simple rules. Number 7 is bound to upset some people.

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :

Thanks mousethief. I was actually counting names in the genealogies because I thought #17 would be Rahab!

Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on :

He thought he had a marriage deal. What happens next is insane!

Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :

Crazed man ties up boy, plans to kill him, kills ram instead. Owner of sheep outraged!

Posted by MSHB (# 9228) on :

Guess who's getting into Paradise ... and he's got a criminal record!

Posted by Eutychus (# 3081) on :

Odd method restores your 20/20 vision: try this

(I actually just saw this exact clickbait headline)

Posted by MSHB (# 9228) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Eutychus:
Odd method restores your 20/20 vision: try this

(I actually just saw this exact clickbait headline)

"Here's mud in your eye!"

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :

Ancient prophet bemoans the meaninglessness of life .... 2800 years before Sartre!

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :

Syro-Phoenician woman BURNS Messiah with this sassy retort!

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :

Interested in enlargement? Click here to learn more!

Posted by Trudy Scrumptious (# 5647) on :

Tired of looking for love on Tinder? Try this one weird trick to win the girl of your dreams.

[ 22. October 2016, 00:10: Message edited by: Trudy Scrumptious ]

Posted by Humble Servant (# 18391) on :

Miracle wilderness diet. How to face your fasting demons.

Posted by Humble Servant (# 18391) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Humble Servant:
Miracle wilderness diet. How to face your fasting demons.

Sorry, that should have been "40 day" miracle wilderness diet...

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

Ladies - this is the must-have accessory to complete your Sunday best!

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :

Looking for the man of your dreams?

Posted by Eutychus (# 3081) on :

Another repurposed actual clickbait headline:

The solution that puts snoring to bed

Posted by Humble Servant (# 18391) on :

Radical Decluttering - Free yourself from the power of too much stuff

[ 31. October 2016, 12:13: Message edited by: Humble Servant ]

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

I just had to resurrect this thread to share this.

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