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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: The four sinning nuns
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Simon
Editor
# 1
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Posted
This joke submitted by Sarkycow:
Four nuns are standing in line at the gates of heaven. Peter asks the first if she has ever sinned.
"Well, once I looked at a man's penis," she said.
"Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven," Peter told her.
He then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned.
"Well, once I held a man's penis," she replied. "Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven," he said.
Just then the fourth nun pushed ahead of the third nun.
"Why did you push ahead in line?" asked Peter.
"Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!" replied the nun.
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Eternal memory
Posts: 3787 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2001
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The Scrumpmeister
Ship’s Taverner
# 5638
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Posted
![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif)
Thank you for this.
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If Christ is not fully human, humankind is not fully saved. - St John of Saint-Denis
Posts: 14741 | From: Greater Manchester, UK | Registered: Mar 2004
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dj_ordinaire
Host
# 4643
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Posted
I'd heard it before but still find it hilarious... Best one yet!
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Flinging wide the gates...
Posts: 10335 | From: Hanging in the balance of the reality of man | Registered: Jun 2003
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Esmeralda
Ship's token UK Mennonite
# 582
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Posted
Both very funny and very offensive. I've known some fabulous nuns and I dislike mockery of their sacrificial way of life. I also dislike male fantasies of all nuns being secret nymphomaniacs.
I'm ashamed of laughing at it, but it's funny because it's clever.
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I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand.
http://reversedstandard.wordpress.com/
Posts: 17415 | From: A small island nobody pays any attention to | Registered: Jun 2001
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mr cheesy
Shipmate
# 3330
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Posted
Ah. When it comes down to it, bottom jokes are the only offensive ones.
![[Paranoid]](graemlins/paranoid.gif)
Not funny, not offensive.
C
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arse
Posts: 10697 | Registered: Sep 2002
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Gill H
Shipmate
# 68
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Cheesy*:
Ah. When it comes down to it, bottom jokes are the only offensive ones.
If you're a fundamentalist.
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*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.
- Lyda Rose
Posts: 9313 | From: London | Registered: May 2001
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Iggy
Shipmate
# 8833
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Posted
YES YES YES
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ig
Posts: 127 | From: Brighton | Registered: Dec 2004
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Alicďa
Shipmate
# 7668
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Posted
very funny, could be considered mildly offensive but no Fatwah, No one really thinks Nuns are like that, so why be offended?
[ 05. July 2005, 15:18: Message edited by: Lady Alicia of Scouseland ]
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"The tendency to turn human judgments into divine commands makes religion one of the most dangerous forces in the world." Georgia Elma Harkness
Posts: 884 | From: Where the Art is. | Registered: Jun 2004
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Foolhearty
Shipmate
# 6196
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Posted
Didn't like it -- found it unfunny, and also quite offensive.
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Fear doesn't empty tomorrow of its perils; it empties today of its power.
Posts: 2301 | From: Upper right-hand corner | Registered: May 2004
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Boreal
Shipmate
# 9550
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Posted
The thing is, the reason Nuns (or Priests, in a lot of these types of jokes) turn up as opposed to say Vicars or Rabbis is that they're the ones best known for taking a vow of celibacy accross the board. I mean if you substituted in a CofE vicar, they might have been married and so on, which takes all the humor out of it. So I don't think it is so much Anti-Catholic (and therefore not offensive to Catholics) as just a convenient way to have the joke. I mean "Four people who'd devoted their lives to God AND taken a vow of celibacy appeared at St. Peter's one day" doesn't reallly scan, now does it? Same thing with the priests and the purity test.
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I think that God, in creating Man, somewhat overestimated His abilities. - Oscar Wilde
Posts: 376 | From: Deepest, eastest Maine. | Registered: May 2005
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Suze
Ship's Barmaid
# 5639
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Posted
Finally, one I found funny! To be honest I'm not sure I would have found it any less funny using any group of women, celibate or not.
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' You stay here and I'll go look for God, that won't be hard cos I know where he's not, and I will bring him back with me , then he'll listen , then he'll see' Richard Shindell
Posts: 2603 | From: where the angels sleep | Registered: Mar 2004
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Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
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Posted
Now that I've heard this one, lots of nuns are going to be laughing when I repeat it - very clever.
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Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001
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Midnight Scholar
Shipmate
# 9112
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Gill H:
quote:
Originally posted by Cheesy*:
Ah. When it comes down to it, bottom jokes are the only offensive ones.
If you're a fundamentalist.
This is funnier than the original joke! Thanks Gill H. ![[Overused]](graemlins/notworthy.gif)
mn
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Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth.
Deal with it.
Posts: 129 | From: out there | Registered: Feb 2005
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Timothy the Obscure
Mostly Friendly
# 292
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Posted
The original version I heard involved four teenage girls in line at the confessional--it was actually funnier that way.
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When you think of the long and gloomy history of man, you will find more hideous crimes have been committed in the name of obedience than have ever been committed in the name of rebellion.
- C. P. Snow
Posts: 6114 | From: PDX | Registered: May 2001
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
The original original, IMO, is about the 3 soldiers reporting sick. The MO asks each what he's suffering from, prescribes the treatment, and then, by way of social interaction, what his ambition is.
1st soldier: 'Piles, Sah!'
MO: 'Wire brush and DDT. And your ambition, soldier?'
1st soldier: 'Be a good soldier, Sah!'
2nd soldier: 'Touch of the clap, Sah!'
MO: 'Wire brush and DDT. And want do you want to be?'
2nd soldier: 'Credit to my regiment, Sah!'
3rd soldier: 'Sore throat, Sah!'
MO: 'Wire brush and DDT. And your ambition?'
3rd soldier: 'First one to the wire brush and DDT, Sah!'
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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LeRoc
Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216
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Posted
quote:
Simon: This joke submitted by Sarkycow:
She beat me to this one ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
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I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)
Posts: 9474 | From: Brazil / Africa | Registered: Aug 2002
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Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
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Posted
There are two elements of this joke that I found especially funny (and nuns would know them very well.) Notice how, when Peter asks if they've ever sinned, the only sins they mention are related to sex - though nuns are no less sinful than others, their sins are rarely sexual. So, the good Sisters do not mention anything except the 'one time' they were really bad.
Though this other aspect is more often used as justification by some of the celibate priests rather than the women, another tired old idea is that 'it does not count' if there was no intercourse. At the time, justified - later, one recognises the sin. Very typical of celibates. (And before anyone takes offence, I am one - as far as I know, the only vowed celibate here.)
The joke did not offend me in the least. I'd be embarrassed only to mention how many times I repeated it today.... it took some of the stress off after the catastrophe.
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Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
Funny, but resembles not the sainted old ladies I know who have devoted their lives to God...
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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Corpus cani
Ship's Anachronism
# 1663
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sir Kevin:
Funny, but resembles not the sainted old ladies I know who have devoted their lives to God...
Nor indeed the young ones. Still laughed, though.
Corpus
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Bishop Lord Corpus Cani the Tremulous of Buzzing St Helens.
Posts: 4435 | From: Trumpton | Registered: Nov 2001
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Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sir Kevin:
Funny, but resembles not the sainted old ladies I know who have devoted their lives to God...
It does not resemble those whom I have known, either (young or old.) This is the sort of joke at which nuns would quietly laugh amongst themselves. It is all the funnier (in that limited circle, at least) because most nuns not only have been true to their vows of chastity but never had any intention of violating them.
I think that one of the reasons that jokes about nuns can be highly amusing is that there is a certain paradox within religious life. Many active Sisters, have had far above average exposure to much of the sordid in this world in the course of their ministries, yet maintain a certain innocence. There is a contrast between not being shocked by what would make others shudder (I'm not referring to sex - but to very sordid situations), yet being as naive as a child in other ways.
I entered at 25 - quite a bit older than the others. It always amused me when those who'd entered as teenagers spoke of how 'wild' they had been before then - I did not have the heart to tell them their lives had been about as wild as mine. Had one of the 'wild' ones confided that she'd looked at a man's penis, many of the others would have been astounded.
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Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001
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