Ship of Fools: finding Mr Right

Thread: finding Mr Right Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by Alikay (# 6148) on :

Ive not been on here for years, and seem to spend all my time online these days looking for my "soulmate". Has anyone found a good website that actually helps Christians that is not full of people who are fanatical evangelicals. But just fairly rounded people who seek love. Im a bit fed up of being judged and rejected on other dating sites when people read i go to church. Any thoughts?

Posted by TonyK (# 35) on :

Alikay - welcome back!

But I don't think Dead Horses is the place for your request - it's rather dark and gloomy around here, and full of people muttering and ranting about disagreeable subjects.

Heaven is where it's at for you - up you go...

Yours aye ... TonyK
Host, Dead Horses

Posted by SvitlanaV2 (# 16967) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Alikay:
Ive not been on here for years, and seem to spend all my time online these days looking for my "soulmate". Has anyone found a good website that actually helps Christians that is not full of people who are fanatical evangelicals. But just fairly rounded people who seek love. Im a bit fed up of being judged and rejected on other dating sites when people read i go to church. Any thoughts?

This'll sound odd, but I once saw a dating website for 'ugly people'. I don't think you have to be 'ugly' to sign, up, just normal looking. But it might be a good idea, because the people on there are perhaps less likely to be so judgemental.

Posted by Earwig (# 12057) on :

Hi Alikay, welcome back to the Ship!

Do you want to specifically date a Christian, or is someone who's not a Christian but comfortable with faith ok?

If it's the latter, I met my Mr Right on the Guardian Soulmates website. He's not a Christian but is happy that I am - although we have some great discussions/arguments sometimes! [Big Grin]

Good luck finding your Mr Right.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

The Ship has rather a good record for happy matches between unrestful and questioning Christians, so stick around and you never know!

Posted by ecumaniac (# 376) on :

quote:
Originally posted by SvitlanaV2:

quote:
Originally posted by Alikay:
Ive not been on here for years, and seem to spend all my time online these days looking for my "soulmate". Has anyone found a good website that actually helps Christians that is not full of people who are fanatical evangelicals. But just fairly rounded people who seek love. Im a bit fed up of being judged and rejected on other dating sites when people read i go to church. Any thoughts?
This'll sound odd, but I once saw a dating website for 'ugly people'. I don't think you have to be 'ugly' to sign, up, just normal looking. But it might be a good idea, because the people on there are perhaps less likely to be so judgemental.

That sound really awful [Frown]

Posted by Spiffy (# 5267) on :

quote:
Originally posted by SvitlanaV2:

quote:
Originally posted by Alikay:
Ive not been on here for years, and seem to spend all my time online these days looking for my "soulmate". Has anyone found a good website that actually helps Christians that is not full of people who are fanatical evangelicals. But just fairly rounded people who seek love. Im a bit fed up of being judged and rejected on other dating sites when people read i go to church. Any thoughts?
This'll sound odd, but I once saw a dating website for 'ugly people'. I don't think you have to be 'ugly' to sign, up, just normal looking. But it might be a good idea, because the people on there are perhaps less likely to be so judgemental.

Nope, they're just as likely to be jerks as anyone else. People being, as one of my favorite TV shows says, "Bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling."

I've found some of the more interesting people to be on the non-Christian boards, such as those associated with some of my other hobbies. Although, I must admit, this is the only 'Christian' board I hang out on, the other ones either bounce me really quickly or bore me to tears.

Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on :

Hello Alikay

Mrs Kankucho and I got together via Match.com, where I had been utterly candid about my religious convictions, and was asking prospective dates/partners simply to respect them (in my previous relationship, my faith had become a divisive issue).

The future Mrs K was fine about respecting my beliefs without having any desire to convert to them and, when we started getting serious, read a 'primer' about the kind of Buddhism I practise just so she'd have an better idea of what made me tick. A few weeks later, she woke up one morning with the realisation that she'd been chanting the 'nam myo ho renge kyo' mantra in her sleep. That was eight years ago and she hasn't stopped since [Smile]

.

If you're looking for Mr Right on the internet, those who judge and reject you for being open about your beliefs are doing you a huge favour by deselecting themselves from your search. You get to keep your faith; they get to keep their judgments. Who's the loser?

Posted by infinite_monkey (# 11333) on :

Are there many eHarmony folks round where you are? That seems to be a decent place for folks with spiritual leanings.

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

There's a site called christianmingle.com that advertises on TV quite a bit. "Find God's plan for you" is their slogan. Very up-to-date of God to use the social media to arrange introductions.

Posted by Sir Pellinore (ret'd) (# 12163) on :

Just speaking from personal experience, Alikay, do you not think it might be possible to meet someone reasonably right through your normal work? That way they don't need any pictures and they know what you're really like.

I'm sure you don't have two heads or anything remotely like that.

This may be hard to believe but there are men who look primarily for a woman with character.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

Meanwhile, some encouragement that it can actually happen. Sadly Church of Fools is no longer up and running in its fully-fledged form, but if it can happen there, it can happen elsewhere.....

Presumably you have tried the trusted route of joining special interest hobby groups to meet like-minded people?

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :

When I saw this thread I went immediately to search Oblivion for "Tigglet's Dating Agency", but in vain. But you're right, Chorister - look at how many Ship weddings (and, indeed, Ship babies) we have had here. Emma-Louise and aj, AnnieP and Tom Day, Spike and Tina, Atlanta and Quizmaster, Auntie Doris and PaulW, and they're just the ones which immediately spring to mind.

Poor Smudgie's still all alone, mind [Biased]

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Smudgie:
But you're right, Chorister - look at how many Ship weddings (and, indeed, Ship babies) we have had here. Emma-Louise and aj, AnnieP and Tom Day, Spike and Tina, Atlanta and Quizmaster, Auntie Doris and PaulW, and they're just the ones which immediately spring to mind.

Alan+Flausa, Holly+Jono and of course Tigglet+Wairua are three others I can think of at the moment.

Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on :

patdys and patdys

Posted by Amos (# 44) on :

Dyfrig and 'frin--the first Ship wedding of all, I believe--like Darby and Joan they are.

Yes--I'd say you've as good a chance to meet Mr Right here as anywhere. Shipmeets help. There are a number of highly eligible single Shipmates.

Posted by Beethoven (# 114) on :

Sean and Bronwyn, too - and that was a *very* international one! [Smile]

And I think PaulC and his missus whose name escapes me just at the moment.

I'd stick with being yourself and being honest about what's important to you. If someone else can't respect that, then frankly it's their problem and you're better off knowing that before it becomes a relationship issue! [Smile]

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Smudgie:

Poor Smudgie's still all alone, mind

Well if you will cause all this offence.... [Devil]

Posted by Hedgehog (# 14125) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Smudgie:
Poor Smudgie's still all alone, mind

And this despite there once being a thread called "Hitting on Smudgie."

Alikay, I know around these parts (East Cost, USA) there is a "christian singles" website--but like Rather A Lot of the dating sites, it is slanted for the 20s-30s crowd rather than those of us (like me) who are in our 50s. I've rather given up on them.

Posted by BalddudeCrompond (# 12152) on :

My husband (yay for marriage equality!)and I met on Match.com. I made it very clear in my profile that I was a Christian, commited to both the message of Christianity and all of the trappings thereof. I also stated that I strongly preferred someone whose religious views were in line with mine. Despite this, I got many, many replies from people who most definitely didn't read my profile too carefully. Ultimately though, I found my match and we will be religiously married in a delightfully nose-bleed high Episcopalian service this summer. Know yourself. Don't settle for less.

Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Beethoven:
And I think PaulC and his missus whose name escapes me just at the moment.

That would be Zandolit! (With her cute little lizard avatar!)

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Hedgehog:
like Rather A Lot of the dating sites, it is slanted for the 20s-30s crowd rather than those of us (like me) who are in our 50s. I've rather given up on them.

If you are over 50, there is a whole new world out there to explore. People might scoff at Saga and U3A (both of which have an internet presence as well as a real life one), but they are both aimed at those of older years but who are still young at heart, who want to get out there and investigate and learn stuff. I'm sure there are a lot of silver surfer romances just waiting for those with 30 good years still left in them.

And is 'Terry's Old Geezers / Gals' still going? They had a lively bulletin board all of their own, at least until a few years back.

Posted by Beethoven (# 114) on :

quote:
Originally posted by jedijudy:

quote:
Originally posted by Beethoven:
And I think PaulC and his missus whose name escapes me just at the moment.
That would be Zandolit! (With her cute little lizard avatar!)

Thank you - I still couldn't remember this morning, and it was starting to annoy me! [Smile]

Posted by Jenny Ann (# 3131) on :

Stoo and Jenny Ann [Smile]

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Jenny Ann:
Stoo and Jenny Ann

Bloody hell - how could I forget you guys? [Hot and Hormonal]

Posted by Jenny Ann (# 3131) on :

I'm easily forgettable [Smile]

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :

You're many things, Jenny, but not that!

Posted by Stoo (# 254) on :

Who?

Posted by Jack the Lass (# 3415) on :

There's the Scottish Ship contingent too - lots of weddings and lots of PhDs [Big Grin]

(The Machine Elf and me, Alan and Flausa, derf and strathclydezero).

I actually found SoF in the first place via the profile of someone I fancied on Christian Connection (but never had the nerve to contact). I never did work out who he was on the forums (this was about 10 years ago). Most people there were very evangelical and earnest, but I did get a few fun dates out of it and learnt to flirt, so it wasn't all bad [Smile]

Posted by ChaliceGirl (# 13656) on :

I tried eharmony and some Christian dating sites, I had no luck. What found with those sites is that if you don't have and don't want children, then you may as well not exist.

I gave up on finding "the one" years ago, I figured its just not in the cards and I moved on to other endeavors. There's a kind of peace that comes with giving up and accepting things as they are.

Posted by Auntie Doris (# 9433) on :

Wow. There are lots of Ship Couples when you start naming them!

Auntie Doris x

Posted by Adeodatus (# 4992) on :

I don't suppose there are any gay Christian dating sites, are there?
.
.
.
No, I didn't think so.

Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Auntie Doris:
Wow. There are lots of Ship Couples when you start naming them!

Auntie Doris x

Wait, are these couples who met on the Ship, or just have both partners on board? If it's the latter, we're leaving out quite a few!

Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Adeodatus:
I don't suppose there are any gay Christian dating sites, are there?
.
.
.
No, I didn't think so.

Oh, and here ya go.
Not that it's the only one.

Posted by Amos (# 44) on :

The ones listed all met on the Ship, AFAIK.

Posted by FooloftheShip (# 15579) on :

quote:
Originally posted by AristonAstuanax:

quote:
Originally posted by Adeodatus:
I don't suppose there are any gay Christian dating sites, are there?
.
.
.
No, I didn't think so.
Oh, and here ya go.
Not that it's the only one.

...and UK members are as rare as.....

*watches for flying pigs*

Posted by Jengie Jon (# 273) on :

quote:
Originally posted by AristonAstuanax:

quote:
Originally posted by Auntie Doris:
Wow. There are lots of Ship Couples when you start naming them!

Auntie Doris x
Wait, are these couples who met on the Ship, or just have both partners on board? If it's the latter, we're leaving out quite a few!

No these are people who met on the ship, even then the list ain't complete.

Jengie

Posted by Jack the Lass (# 3415) on :

There's chukovsky/Mr Spouse and welsh dragon/Dave the Bass to add to the met-through-the-Ship list too.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

quote:
Originally posted by FooloftheShip:
..and UK members are as rare as.....

*watches for flying pigs*

Well it is possible to meet people from other countries - as certain shipmates know very well.

I didn't realise Chukovsky and Mr. Spouse first met on the Ship. You learn something new every day.

I met Mr. C. at the church 'Choir and Bellringers Dating Agency and Marriage Bureau' - the most successful route in my village - certainly in the 1970s and 80s.

Posted by Jante (# 9163) on :

I met Mr Jante on Dating Direct.com- having tried Christian sites that just produced weirdos!!! With the site we used you could indicate you were a christian looking for a christian even though it wasn't a christian site. WE have been happily married nearly 6 years [Yipee]

Happy to chat by PM if you want

Posted by Adeodatus (# 4992) on :

quote:
Originally posted by AristonAstuanax:

quote:
Originally posted by Adeodatus:
I don't suppose there are any gay Christian dating sites, are there?
.
.
.
No, I didn't think so.
Oh, and here ya go.
Not that it's the only one.

Well, well, well. Who'd have thunk it?

(I was tempted to say "bugger me!" but in print it's not clear whether that's an exclamation or an invitation.)

Posted by Qoheleth. (# 9265) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Adeodatus:
Well, well, well. Who'd have thunk it?

Just spotted someone I didn't expect to find there ....

Posted by Surfing Madness (# 11087) on :

I every so often think about using a dating sight but have no idea what I am looking for, so figure staying single is the best plan at the moment. I'm aware that part of me wouldn't want to go out with someone who wasn't a Christian, where as the other part of me is not sure it would want to go out with someone who is a Christian, which makes the whole what sort of dating sight to use an interesting question!

Posted by Squirrel (# 3040) on :

During my single years I used those ancient predecessors of online dating known as personal ads. At first I tried listing myself as "SWCM" (Single White Christian Male) but received only a handful of replies, mostly from hard-nose fundies. So I tried simply calling myself a "Liberal Christian." That stopped the fundies, but most people told me they didn't have a clue what a "liberal Christian" was.

Posted by Sir Pellinore (ret'd) (# 12163) on :

I think, Squirrel, that's one of our problems: our own self-definitions may be inexplicable to those who read them.

I must say I'm amazed to see the people on SOF who are looking. It would appear to me that there has to be someone out there desperately seeking them.

It's a strange world.

Posted by Squirrel (# 3040) on :

Yes, I am sure there ARE people out there looking for people just like the available Shipmates. The problem is it's so damn hard to meet like-minded singles. When I was single I kept meeting either atheists or Jewish women who liked me, but would only be serious about a relationship if I'd agree to convert. (Such is the singles scene in New York). For a while I was a member of a club for Catholic college grads, but the group wasn't very active.

If I were single again (please, let it never happen!) I'd no doubt try online dating, but not on "Christian" sites, since they seem to be geared primarily towards evangelicals, which I am not. Instead I'd use the secular services, and just mention my faith briefly in my blurb. Certainly I'd turn a few women off, but they'd be poor prospects anyhow. The other thing I would consider would be alternating between my regular church and one of the congregations known about town for having a lot of singles.

Posted by comet (# 10353) on :

I tried a dating site once, about a year ago, based on a recommendation I read somewhere on the ship. I think I lasted about 4 days. scary stuff! The initial responses I got were good, but inevitably (within 2-3 exchanges) the men wanted to talk about sex. and were either insistent, or when I tried to steer the conversation elsewhere, just ceased to respond.

I'm no prude, but I'm not looking for a relationship based on sex. I want to talk about things beyond the contents of my pants. I don't tend to think of myself as terribly old-fashioned (maybe I'm wrong?) but it seems pretty damn tacky to talk about sex when you've first met someone. unless that someone is your gynecologist.

nowhere in my profile did I say anything about looking for hook ups; I can only guess I accidentally said things that were cues to that kind of conversation. rather than try and second guess what it was that I wrote that made men's minds run to spankings (or that I'd be okay being a "spare" for a married man!) I just deleted the account. I don't think the virtual part works for me - unless it's something that grows out of a friendship. when the whole premise of meeting people that way is the lonely hearts club, it feels forced. at least to me.

that being said, my prospects in the concrete world are not very promising, either. small little hick towns don't breed a lot of men who want to talk books or arts or philosophy . all the men in my life that I'd be compatible with are married or gay. well, or they're only interested in women who are 15 years their junior, tiny, fashionable, and naive. They're my "pals" - they tell me this. but that's not really compatible with me, anyway. because my first rule is that he has to find me irresistible!

I'm not that bothered, most of the time. I have my lonely moments. Otherwise, I'm frankly too busy to think about it too much. Plus, I think my standards are pretty ridiculously high, at this point.

Posted by PD (# 12436) on :

I met my wife more or less by accident on the Internet. She needed to get a message through to a friend. I did her a favour, and then we started chatting on IM as she was usually online before she went to work, when I got off work. We lived eight time zones apart. One thing led to another and we married eleven months later.

This came after several years of Christian Dating Agencies when I had more-or-less topped looking. My trouble with the CDAs was that tended to throw up the Fundies, loopy Liberals, and Catholics. The Conservative Catholic girls were the ones closest to my religious mindset, but they wanted me to 'vert. Not an option for me as somewhere deep down in my nature is an nasty little 'Orange Protestant' gene that says 'no surrender' on that one.

In the end I married a Catholic girl who had turned conservative Anglican. We concluded that we had to get married because we were reading each others minds from 7000 miles apart. To outsiders we can occasionally we can seem a bit like an alliance of Boudicca and 'Harry of Exeter' but we are very happy together.

I guess the point of this story is that you can do all the obvious things and then God does something weird on you.

PD

Posted by Squirrel (# 3040) on :

I've heard that a sizable percentage of the men who use internet dating sites are actually married. That would no surprise me.

Posted by Sir Pellinore (ret'd) (# 12163) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Squirrel:
I've heard that a sizable percentage of the men who use internet dating sites are actually married. That would no surprise me.

I think several women, like comet, have been scared off many sites by various sorts of creep.

Welcome to the Internet: the new really Wild West.

Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on :

quote:
Originally posted by comet:
nowhere in my profile did I say anything about looking for hook ups; I can only guess I accidentally said things that were cues to that kind of conversation.

To interpret a lot of what I've heard about men (of all orientations) looking for lurve online, you accidentally did drop a cue to the "hey hott stff, wnt 2 xxx?" crowd: the "F" next to your name and age. The Internet isn't so much Wild West as it is sleazy bar (or, okay, Bad Sleazy, not Nicely Divey), with all the pickup artists and other types that entails.

Me? I just take online matchmaking as something to do when I need to be taken down a notch. Getting too big for your britches? Rejection on demand—no buying drinks necessary!

Posted by Sir Pellinore (ret'd) (# 12163) on :

quote:
Originally posted by AristonAstuanax:
... The Internet isn't so much Wild West as it is sleazy bar (or, okay, Bad Sleazy, not Nicely Divey), with all the pickup artists and other types that entails...

There were plenty of extremely sleazy saloons in the Wild West, the Klondike etc. with characters such as The Lady Known as Lou in attendance.

Her male and female spiritual descendants are, I believe, well and truly alive on various Internet dating sites, and some have come to rather sticky ends at their hands.

In Australia "The Last Chance Saloon" seem to be sites which put you in touch with supposedly lovely ladies in South East Asian or former Iron Curtain locales.

If I were single and lonely I'd count my blessings.

Posted by Bongo (# 778) on :

I just spent 45 minutes laboriously laying out my entrails on Christian Connection, got to the end of the signing-up process, ran a search for men aged 18-40 within 40 miles of my hometown who defined themselves as liberal Christians, and the result was: 'your search returned no results'. Cue much hollow laughter...

Posted by LutheranChik (# 9826) on :

I met my partner in an indirect way through Yahoo! dating. My mother had just passed away, I felt a new freedom to be "out" socially, but I didn't know any gay folks in my area. So with great trepidation I signed up for a couple of months to the paid version of the Yahoo! dating site, being very explicit on my profile that I was a churchgoer and that at this point I was looking for social friends more than dates or "the one."

Well, in a couple of days I got several bites. A couple of the respondents were just crazypants people I dismissed out of hand, but one person seemed especially nice in a friend-friend way, and we started e-mailing back and forth. She seemed interested in introducing me to another person she'd met on Yahoo! (and indeed someone whose name had come up on potential matches, whom I'd sent a short message but who'd never responded) whom she said she thought I'd get along well with. She was, she said, retired miilitary, had recently gone through some unknown major surgery and was now living within about 15 miles of my house.

So I e-mailed this mystery woman again, again with no response.

Then I got an e-mail from my new Yahoo! friend inviting me to a little Mother's Day afternoon get-together at a popular local tavern in the area; several of the women had adult children and/or grandchildren who lived far away, she said, and were feeling blue about the approaching holiday weekend, and of course I'd just lost Mom and was feeling sad as well.

Well, long story short, this is where I met DP; in fact, through a comedy of errors (well, one error: I discovered a flat tire on my vehicle as I was on my way out), DP was the one dispatched to come pick me up, even though she was still recovering from her operation, and even though she is also really bad with directions and we were on the phone for 20 minutes while she tried to find my house.;-)

Ironically, neither one of us had a very good time with this bunch; they all seemed a little too wild and crazy and crude for us, and I also realized that there'd been some major fibbery going in terms of people's comments about interests, spirituality, etc. (People on dating sites lying about themselves? Shocking!) But by the end of that first meeting, I had an inkling that DP was going to be not only an actual new friend but "the one." A long time afterward, she in turn told me, "You had me at Buffalo wings and iced tea" (we'd both ordered the same unusual meal unbeknownst to one another). And that was five years ago and we're still together, so I must have been right.;-)

Anyway...the inelegant, untargeted and unhyped Yahoo! Dating is where I started out.

[ 30. April 2012, 12:25: Message edited by: LutheranChik ]

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Bongo:
I just spent 45 minutes laboriously laying out my entrails on Christian Connection, got to the end of the signing-up process, ran a search for men aged 18-40 within 40 miles of my hometown who defined themselves as liberal Christians, and the result was: 'your search returned no results'. Cue much hollow laughter...

A idea from someone who hasn't dated anyone except his wife for over 35 years!

Maybe 'Christian' sites aren't the best. After all, they will attract two groups: Self-labelled Christians and those who don't mind hanging out with Christians, of which there will be few. Your preference might be closer to the latter than the former, so would one of the really big, unlabelled boards give you better results? If say e-harmony (other humungous dating services are available) asks questions like 'would you object to a date with a person who professes a Faith?' you might get some results.

Posted by LutheranChik (# 9826) on :

As I noted on the other Internet dating post, I think sites like Christian Mingle are overwhelmingly conservative Evangelical in tone and subscribership, so if you're not one you're not going to be terribly successful there.

My advice would be to try a non-faith-based dating site, but be very upfront about your Christian faith and your core values, as they say. The Christianity-hostile people will leave you alone; other progressive Christians will say, "Thank God I'm not the only one here," and spiritually uncommitted subscribers who nonetheless are looking for someone nice, with a solid and coherent value system (DP's constant frustration when she was single) will be intrigued.

Posted by Mockingale (# 16599) on :

I used OKCupid, which is a general purpose, free dating website. After a while you learn to sniff out the extremes on both sides. Frankly, my fundy senses start tingling when a person uses the word "Christ" or "Jesus" or "God" in the body of the profile itself (that is, the part that they write). In my experience, they either are truly out-there conservative evangelicals, or they're trying too hard because they feel that's what they're supposed to be in their circle of friends.

You can use questions on there to screen out certain people - atheists, anti-Christians, people who never think about God or spirituality.

I found my fiancee on that site - I'm a committed, moderate Episcopalian, and she's a liberal Lutheran who wanted to get more involved in church but didn't find a ELCA church that she felt comfortable at. I was relieved to actually find someone like me out there. It took a while to find her. But we do exist!

I hope that gives you some hope.

I am skeptical about "ChristianMingle" - I suspect that it's pitched toward the conservative evangelical demographic.

Posted by ChaliceGirl (# 13656) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Sir Pellinore (ret'd):

quote:
Originally posted by Squirrel:
I've heard that a sizable percentage of the men who use internet dating sites are actually married. That would no surprise me.
I think several women, like comet, have been scared off many sites by various sorts of creep.

Welcome to the Internet: the new really Wild West.

Oh yes, it's true. Especially the ones who say "I'm separated". I feel like asking, "Oh, does your WIFE know? [Roll Eyes]

And there's a whole lot worse than just married. There's sex offenders, con artists, mentally unstable, etc [Paranoid]

No thanks, I'll pass.

Posted by LutheranChik (# 9826) on :

The Women Seeking Women sections also seem to attract 1)men posing as women, who get off talking to lesbians because they seem to believe that it's just a kind of foreplay; 2)"bi-curious" couples who are just looking for a third party for their, erm, get-togethers.

A red alert for non-smokers on dating sites: "Trying to quit" as a response on the Smoker/Non-Smoker question. No, they're not. Another: "It's complicated," or "Let's talk about it," as a response to any significant question regarding children or general attitudes towards friendship/hooking up/dating/committed relationships.

I am so glad my life took the direction it did. I think if I'd spent any significant time on dating sites I'd have become so depressed by all the bullshit that I would have eventually taken a long jump off a short pier.

Posted by ecumaniac (# 376) on :

quote:
Originally posted by comet:
nowhere in my profile did I say anything about looking for hook ups; I can only guess I accidentally said things that were cues to that kind of conversation. rather than try and second guess what it was that I wrote that made men's minds run to spankings (or that I'd be okay being a "spare" for a married man!) I just deleted the account.

I've found that men often just read into your profile whatever they want. Your profile would not have been the problem!! I've often seen men write that they saw some woman's profile where she was wearing jeans, or that she likes "My Fair Lady" (these are real examples) and that therefore meant that she was into spanking. And I'm like, "No!! Gah, stoppit, you are ruining everything"

For anyone who's still interested in online dating: i'd recommend OKCupid. The quizzes can be fun and I've made a few friends off that, but needless to say for actual dating I had to find more "niche" sites. (And then I ended up with a Shipmate [Roll Eyes]

)

It's a lot of frog-kissing. Good luck [Axe murder]

Posted by infinite_monkey (# 11333) on :

OkCupid has been pretty decent to me, as well. Most of the clientele are a bit edgier than the folks on eHarmony, Match, etc., but I prefer that. A friend of mine was very pleased with the folks she met off Chemistry.com , which has really tight controls and costs a wee truckload and thus seems to weed out the folks looking for something quick n' cheap.

Posted by Earwig (# 12057) on :

quote:
Originally posted by LutheranChik:
A red alert for non-smokers on dating sites: "Trying to quit" as a response on the Smoker/Non-Smoker question. No, they're not. Another: "It's complicated," or "Let's talk about it," as a response to any significant question regarding children or general attitudes towards friendship/hooking up/dating/committed relationships.

Ha! This rings a bell. On the Guardian Soulmates site I think they have "ask me about it" as a response to some questions.

Under the faith/religion bit I put "ask me about it" - I didn't want people to be turned off me thinking I was some Phred Phelps type, when I'm fairly raisin cake liberal.

On my first date with my Mr Right, I told him I was a Christian - he'd already guessed, of course - those "ask me about it" type answers just hide awful secrets. [Two face]

Posted by ChaliceGirl (# 13656) on :

And be wary of those who claim to be "self employed" and have "an internet business." This usually means they have no job and sell stuff on ebay once in awhile!

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