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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Inappropriate hold music
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Eutychus
From the edge
# 3081
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Posted
A furniture store here has Jim Noir's "Step on my patch", the entire (and oft-repeated) lyrics of which are:
quote:
If you ever step on my patch / I'll bring you down / I'll bring you down.
Nothing like a nice warm welcome to encourage you to buy things there...
I'm sure Shipmates must have some more examples.
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Let's remember that we are to build the Kingdom of God, not drive people away - pastor Frank Pomeroy
Posts: 17944 | From: 528491 | Registered: Jul 2002
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
A few days ago I spent many half hours on hold with our local Symphony -- listening to scratchy recordings of pop and show tunes. Why not good recordings of classical music?
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Uncle Pete
Loyaute me lie
# 10422
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Posted
Because, dear little Pig (channelling Ron Weasley there), they cater to the masses, and everyone knows that masses are stupid.
My frequently called number has jazz ( I think). Music, no words, for which I am grateful,
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Even more so than I was before
Posts: 20466 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005
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jacobsen
seeker
# 14998
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Posted
I'm deeply weary of Vivaldi's Four Seasons used as hold music. Especially Winter, with its drip, drip, drip theme.
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But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.
Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009
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Porridge
Shipmate
# 15405
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Posted
Yes, ALL hold music is inappropriate, as are little mini-lectures on how often to change my oil or on filing a claim, etc. BECAUSE I AM TRYING TO GET SOME W*RK DONE WHILE I WAIT FOR YOU TO PICK UP YOUR %$&! PHONE.
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Spiggott: Everything I've ever told you is a lie, including that.
Moon: Including what?
Spiggott: That everything I've ever told you is a lie.
Moon: That's not true!
Posts: 3925 | From: Upper right corner | Registered: Jan 2010
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Schroedinger's cat
Ship's cool cat
# 64
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Posted
I think the most annoying is when there is music, that I might just listen too mindlessly - not too offensive, or obtrusive - and they keep interrupting it at odd times with "thank you for continuing to hold. Your call is very important to us". I would rather just listen to the music, TBH.
Many years ago, I occasionally had to call Computer Associates (large software company). Their hold music was their own composition. I suppose it was appropriate, but it was also excruciating.
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Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.
Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
I want to invent an answering system that gives you a choice.
Press 1 for classical
Press 2 for classic rock
Press 3 for elevator music
Press 4 for annoying announcements over and over ("Your call is very important to us...")
Press 5 for blessed silence.
(ETA - cross-posted with the cool cat.)
[ 08. September 2012, 18:59: Message edited by: Pigwidgeon ]
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Stejjie
Shipmate
# 13941
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Porridge:
Yes, ALL hold music is inappropriate, as are little mini-lectures on how often to change my oil or on filing a claim, etc. BECAUSE I AM TRYING TO GET SOME W*RK DONE WHILE I WAIT FOR YOU TO PICK UP YOUR %$&! PHONE.
Yes, especially when the annoyingly cheerful voice is telling you to look on their website which might have the information you need... (deep breath)... when I've checked the blessed website and the thing I need can only be got via the phone!!!!
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A not particularly-alt-worshippy, fairly mainstream, mildly evangelical, vaguely post-modern-ish Baptist
Posts: 1117 | From: Urmston, Manchester, UK | Registered: Jul 2008
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churchgeek
Have candles, will pray
# 5557
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Posted
Or when you're calling because your internet is out and they keep telling you to check the website.
I agree, the interruptions are stupid - and counterproductive. They play music in the first place so you'll lose track of how long you're kept waiting on the phone. Regular interruptions remind you how long you've been waiting, they don't reassure you that you're still on hold. The music lets you know you're still on hold and haven't been cut off. Are they trying to make us grouchy so we'll be rude to their rep when they do finally take the call?
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I reserve the right to change my mind.
My article on the Virgin of Vladimir
Posts: 7773 | From: Detroit | Registered: Feb 2004
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Eutychus
From the edge
# 3081
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Posted
Legend has it that some wonderful companies have an option "if you would prefer to hold without music, press the £ key".
My bank has quote:
The moment I wake up, I put on my makeup and say a little prayer for you
![[Paranoid]](graemlins/paranoid.gif)
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Let's remember that we are to build the Kingdom of God, not drive people away - pastor Frank Pomeroy
Posts: 17944 | From: 528491 | Registered: Jul 2002
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Truman White
Shipmate
# 17290
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Posted
Thread reminds me of the church service where the background music to taking up the offering was 'I hear the sound of rustling.....'
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
Posts: 476 | Registered: Aug 2012
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The Rogue
Shipmate
# 2275
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
I want to invent an answering system that gives you a choice.
Press 1 for classical
Press 2 for classic rock
Press 3 for elevator music
Press 4 for annoying announcements over and over ("Your call is very important to us...")
Press 5 for blessed silence.
(ETA - cross-posted with the cool cat.)
It's been done. I won't mention the name but a company I phone occasionally at work already has this. I do wonder to myself whether they answer one choice quicker than another.
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If everyone starts thinking outside the box does outside the box come back inside?
Posts: 2507 | From: Toton | Registered: Feb 2002
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Graven Image
Shipmate
# 8755
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Posted
Mr Image and I were having lunch in a Chinese restaurant and there was German band music playing over the sound system. When we asked our waiter about the music he was surprised to hear it was German and not just American music. Trust me fried rice does not taste the same with German band music in the background. ![[Disappointed]](graemlins/disappointed.gif)
Posts: 2641 | From: Third planet from the sun. USA | Registered: Nov 2004
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by churchgeek:
Or when you're calling because your internet is out and they keep telling you to check the website.
I agree, the interruptions are stupid - and counterproductive. They play music in the first place so you'll lose track of how long you're kept waiting on the phone. Regular interruptions remind you how long you've been waiting, they don't reassure you that you're still on hold. The music lets you know you're still on hold and haven't been cut off. Are they trying to make us grouchy so we'll be rude to their rep when they do finally take the call?
No, it's a a result of research that showed people were less likely to ring off if they heard a human voice every so often. Apparently they failed to note you hang on because the voice is an indicator your call is about to be answered. A pre-recorded message doesn't give that impression.
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
I think the most annoying is when there is music, that I might just listen to mindlessly - not too offensive, or obtrusive - and they keep interrupting it at odd times with "thank you for continuing to hold. Your call is very important to us". I would rather just listen to the music, TBH.
I usually find myself thinking "If it's that important to you, why don't you answer it?"
I did once ring some organization some years ago now that told you "Your call is in a queue. There are X number of calls before you" which was actually quite useful, because you could then make a decision on whether to ring back later, or waste a chunk of your life. I don't think they do it any more though.
[ 09. September 2012, 07:37: Message edited by: Ariel ]
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Adrienne
Shipmate
# 2334
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Posted
Some years ago when working for a large German car chain, I had to create one of these.
This is when I found out that there are people who, for a living, record without trace of irony that 'your call is important to us', making themselves sound vaguely like someone you heard of who has authority of some kind, but being much cheaper than the real thing.
Also that there are a number of orchestras - let's call them the Outer Mongolian European Youth Ensemble - who record royalty-free versions of the Four Seasons etc for just such a purpose. If edited correctly, 'Why not have a pre-ski tyre check this season for only £500?' would cut in over some of the more glaring musical aberrations.
My excuse is that a) it was a long time ago b) it was the 80s and c)I needed the money.
Posts: 977 | From: UK | Registered: Feb 2002
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BessLane
Shipmate
# 15176
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Posted
Long ago, I worked as the service coordinator for a local computer company. There were times I could walk into the shop and hear the hold music for three or four computer manufacturers, all happily chirping away from various speakerphones. Luckily, they all played the same sort of bland, vaguely orchestral nonsense so it wasn't too bad.
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It's all on me and I won't tell it.
formerly BessHiggs
Posts: 1388 | From: Yorkville, TN | Registered: Sep 2009
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Hugal
Shipmate
# 2734
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Posted
I am with those who want no music. I am paying for this call all I want is help with my problem. I too have come across companies that tell you where you are on the queue and as you move up the they provide a ding sound y
to tell you.
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I have never done this trick in these trousers before.
Posts: 1887 | From: london | Registered: Apr 2002
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la vie en rouge
Parisienne
# 10688
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Posted
I once worked in an animation company and had to make calls to lots of TV stations in various countries that we were trying to sell the series to.
I rather enjoyed the Indian one (big blousy Bollywood type thing) and the music they play you in South Korea (I imagine it's traditional music but admit to thorough ignorance on this point) is flipping awesome. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Rent my holiday home in the South of France
Posts: 3696 | Registered: Nov 2005
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georgiaboy
Shipmate
# 11294
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Posted
Then there was --
'Suicide Hot Line - Can you hold please?' ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
Yes, of course, I'm sorry. I just couldn't resist. ![[Devil]](graemlins/devil.gif)
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You can't retire from a calling.
Posts: 1675 | From: saint meinrad, IN | Registered: Apr 2006
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no prophet's flag is set so...
Proceed to see sea
# 15560
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
I want to invent an answering system that gives you a choice.
Press 1 for classical
Press 2 for classic rock
Press 3 for elevator music
Press 4 for annoying announcements over and over ("Your call is very important to us...")
Press 5 for blessed silence.
(ETA - cross-posted with the cool cat.)
Gateway Computers help had this in the 1990s. I recall the choices included progressive jazz, country, top 40, classical. They may have been more, but 'blessed silence' wasn't one of them. I generally chose progressive jazz, though might go for bangra if available these days.
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Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.
\_(ツ)_/
Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by no prophet:
quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
I want to invent an answering system that gives you a choice.
Press 1 for classical
Press 2 for classic rock
Press 3 for elevator music
Press 4 for annoying announcements over and over ("Your call is very important to us...")
Press 5 for blessed silence.
(ETA - cross-posted with the cool cat.)
Gateway Computers help had this in the 1990s. I recall the choices included progressive jazz, country, top 40, classical. They may have been more, but 'blessed silence' wasn't one of them. I generally chose progressive jazz, though might go for bangra if available these days.
I spent many hours on hold with Gateway in the late 90s -- I never had a choice. The worst was when they had Gateway employees singing (badly). I thought it might be more productive to have their employees actually answer the phone rather than waste their time singing hold music.
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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no prophet's flag is set so...
Proceed to see sea
# 15560
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
I spent many hours on hold with Gateway in the late 90s -- I never had a choice. The worst was when they had Gateway employees singing (badly). I thought it might be more productive to have their employees actually answer the phone rather than waste their time singing hold music.
I wonder where your call centre was. My call went to somewhere in the USA. We had bought several Gateway computers for the office at the time.
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Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.
\_(ツ)_/
Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
It was in the U.S., but I don't remember where.
I got rid of my Gateway internet "service" and didn't have to deal with them again. I was happy with that computer and never had reason to call about that.
So maybe it was just the internet phone system that gave me no choice but to listen to them trying to sing.
(For nice classical music, call the Internal Revenue Service.)
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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PD
Shipmate
# 12436
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
I want to invent an answering system that gives you a choice.
Press 1 for classical
Press 2 for classic rock
Press 3 for elevator music
Press 4 for annoying announcements over and over ("Your call is very important to us...")
Press 5 for blessed silence.
(ETA - cross-posted with the cool cat.)
More use than Press #1 for English, because I know that about 7 times out of 10 I will be failing to communicate with someone else who has a funny accent....
Such joy!
PD
[ 10. September 2012, 03:16: Message edited by: PD ]
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Roadkill on the Information Super Highway!
My Assorted Rantings - http://www.theoldhighchurchman.blogspot.com
Posts: 4431 | From: Between a Rock and a Hard Place | Registered: Mar 2007
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
I wish holding patterns on the phone were hard funk, such as Brick House by the Commodores: I worked for them once, building a drum kit and that is my favourite song from that genre. The driving beat definitely keeps you awake!
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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Lord Jestocost
Shipmate
# 12909
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Posted
I once got someone playing Unchained Melody at me. It was only the music, but I was filling in the words: "and time ... goes by ... so slowly ..."
Posts: 761 | From: The Instrumentality of Man | Registered: Aug 2007
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lord Jestocost:
I once got someone playing Unchained Melody at me. It was only the music, but I was filling in the words: "and time ... goes by ... so slowly ..."
![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif)
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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mark_in_manchester
not waving, but...
# 15978
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Posted
Slightly tangentially, a cafe I was in in Criccieth, North Wales had background music which appeared to be a crude home-mix of some rugby crowd doing the whole 'bread of heaven' thing, blending into someone like Aled Jones...doing the whole 'bread of heaven' thing...in a different key. This lasted about 3 minutes, and was on a loop.
On its 18th repetition (in our presence), the waitress was suprised when I asked her to change it or turn it off. The owner was surprised, offended, and downright huffy.
It was like being in that Flan O'Brien novel...or perhaps like being on hold with, I don't know, a Welsh franchise of Weight Watchers. I haven't been back.
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"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)
Posts: 1596 | Registered: Oct 2010
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MrSponge2U
Ship’s scrub
# 3076
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Posted
Sparks has a song called "Your Call is Very Important to Us, Please Hold", which is about the telephone hold experience. So using this song as telephone hold music would be very meta-, and I would have to appreciate the honesty.
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sig? what sig?
Posts: 3558 | From: where two big rivers meet | Registered: Jul 2002
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
I think the most annoying is when there is music, that I might just listen to mindlessly - not too offensive, or obtrusive - and they keep interrupting it at odd times with "thank you for continuing to hold. Your call is very important to us". I would rather just listen to the music, TBH.
I usually find myself thinking "If it's that important to you, why don't you answer it?"
You misunderstand the 'importance' your call has to the company. Most of them are making money out of having people on the line to them, and the longer each person is on the line the more money they make. One company I used to work for even had a deliberate policy of making each caller wait at least a minute before being put through to an operator (even if every single operator was free at the time) so that they would get some extra income. It may only have been an extra 50p or so per call, but over the course of a year it really added up.
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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Ricardus
Shipmate
# 8757
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
Why not good recordings of classical music?
A few months ago I rang some agency of Welsh government and got what sounded like a perpetual grand finale to a grand opera.
It made business development grants seem something of an anticlimax when they finally came through ...
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Then the dog ran before, and coming as if he had brought the news, shewed his joy by his fawning and wagging his tail. -- Tobit 11:9 (Douai-Rheims)
Posts: 7247 | From: Liverpool, UK | Registered: Nov 2004
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
I'm confused. How do you make money out of keeping people on hold, unless you're the phone company? I know that my work has a call center that intentionally keeps the time as low as possible for fear of pissed off customers (who take their money elsewhere).
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Higgs Bosun
Shipmate
# 16582
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
I'm confused. How do you make money out of keeping people on hold, unless you're the phone company? I know that my work has a call center that intentionally keeps the time as low as possible for fear of pissed off customers (who take their money elsewhere).
In the UK, for some telephone numbers, the owner of the line gets part of the charge to the caller. This is particularly true of so-called 'premium' numbers, often used by chat-lines etc. But I think it is true even for 0870 numbers, which cost significantly more than a normal land-line call.
Posts: 313 | From: Near the Tidal Thames | Registered: Aug 2011
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ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460
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Posted
Yes, there are famous spam scams that just try to get you to phone a number.
Also even legitimate companies minimise their wages by maximising the time their call centre workers spend actually talking to customers. As the customers aren't going to conveniently phone them the moment the previous call ends, that means some of them have to wait.
Exactly the same reason as why you wait to see the doctor, the doctor doesn't wait to see you. The people making the decisions pay the doctor's wages, they don't pay yours.
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Ken
L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.
Posts: 39579 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2002
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Eutychus
From the edge
# 3081
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Posted
In France some companies seem to indicate (as quietly as they can) that they can be called on a cheaper number than the premium one - and supply it. I can only think this is the result of some uncannily sensible legislation. I still wonder whether you get through faster on the premium line or not.
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Let's remember that we are to build the Kingdom of God, not drive people away - pastor Frank Pomeroy
Posts: 17944 | From: 528491 | Registered: Jul 2002
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Ricardus
Shipmate
# 8757
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Posted
That's sort of true in the UK too - this website will find alternatives to 0870 numbers.
I believe it's often possible to avoid 0870 charges by calling the 'calling from abroad?' option, which is basically an ordinary 010/020 number with the international code +44 stuck on the front.
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Then the dog ran before, and coming as if he had brought the news, shewed his joy by his fawning and wagging his tail. -- Tobit 11:9 (Douai-Rheims)
Posts: 7247 | From: Liverpool, UK | Registered: Nov 2004
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Aravis
Shipmate
# 13824
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Posted
Cardiff Council's housing repairs hotline has a woodwind quartet arrangement of the Beatles' "I wanna hold your hand".
People who ring the number usually have a list of things they'd like the council to do, but hand-holding isn't generally one of them...
Posts: 689 | From: S Wales | Registered: Jun 2008
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