Ship of Fools: Inappropriate hold music

Thread: Inappropriate hold music Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by Eutychus (# 3081) on :

A furniture store here has Jim Noir's "Step on my patch", the entire (and oft-repeated) lyrics of which are:

quote:
If you ever step on my patch / I'll bring you down / I'll bring you down.

Nothing like a nice warm welcome to encourage you to buy things there...

I'm sure Shipmates must have some more examples.

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

A few days ago I spent many half hours on hold with our local Symphony -- listening to scratchy recordings of pop and show tunes. Why not good recordings of classical music?

Posted by PeteC (# 10422) on :

Because, dear little Pig (channelling Ron Weasley there), they cater to the masses, and everyone knows that masses are stupid.

My frequently called number has jazz ( I think). Music, no words, for which I am grateful,

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

I'm deeply weary of Vivaldi's Four Seasons used as hold music. Especially Winter, with its drip, drip, drip theme.

Posted by leo (# 1458) on :

Am Tempted to say that ANY music is inappropriate - answer the bloody phone as i am too self-important to be left hanging around.

Posted by Porridge (# 15405) on :

Yes, ALL hold music is inappropriate, as are little mini-lectures on how often to change my oil or on filing a claim, etc. BECAUSE I AM TRYING TO GET SOME W*RK DONE WHILE I WAIT FOR YOU TO PICK UP YOUR %$&! PHONE.

Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :

I think the most annoying is when there is music, that I might just listen too mindlessly - not too offensive, or obtrusive - and they keep interrupting it at odd times with "thank you for continuing to hold. Your call is very important to us". I would rather just listen to the music, TBH.

Many years ago, I occasionally had to call Computer Associates (large software company). Their hold music was their own composition. I suppose it was appropriate, but it was also excruciating.

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

I want to invent an answering system that gives you a choice.

Press 1 for classical
Press 2 for classic rock
Press 3 for elevator music
Press 4 for annoying announcements over and over ("Your call is very important to us...")
Press 5 for blessed silence.

(ETA - cross-posted with the cool cat.)

[ 08. September 2012, 18:59: Message edited by: Pigwidgeon ]

Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Porridge:
Yes, ALL hold music is inappropriate, as are little mini-lectures on how often to change my oil or on filing a claim, etc. BECAUSE I AM TRYING TO GET SOME W*RK DONE WHILE I WAIT FOR YOU TO PICK UP YOUR %$&! PHONE.

Yes, especially when the annoyingly cheerful voice is telling you to look on their website which might have the information you need... (deep breath)... when I've checked the blessed website and the thing I need can only be got via the phone!!!!

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

Or when you're calling because your internet is out and they keep telling you to check the website.

I agree, the interruptions are stupid - and counterproductive. They play music in the first place so you'll lose track of how long you're kept waiting on the phone. Regular interruptions remind you how long you've been waiting, they don't reassure you that you're still on hold. The music lets you know you're still on hold and haven't been cut off. Are they trying to make us grouchy so we'll be rude to their rep when they do finally take the call?

Posted by Eutychus (# 3081) on :

Legend has it that some wonderful companies have an option "if you would prefer to hold without music, press the £ key".

My bank has

quote:
The moment I wake up, I put on my makeup and say a little prayer for you

Posted by Truman White (# 17290) on :

Thread reminds me of the church service where the background music to taking up the offering was 'I hear the sound of rustling.....'

[Razz]

Posted by The Rogue (# 2275) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
I want to invent an answering system that gives you a choice.

Press 1 for classical
Press 2 for classic rock
Press 3 for elevator music
Press 4 for annoying announcements over and over ("Your call is very important to us...")
Press 5 for blessed silence.

(ETA - cross-posted with the cool cat.)

It's been done. I won't mention the name but a company I phone occasionally at work already has this. I do wonder to myself whether they answer one choice quicker than another.

Posted by Graven Image (# 8755) on :

Mr Image and I were having lunch in a Chinese restaurant and there was German band music playing over the sound system. When we asked our waiter about the music he was surprised to hear it was German and not just American music. Trust me fried rice does not taste the same with German band music in the background. [Disappointed]

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :

quote:
Originally posted by churchgeek:
Or when you're calling because your internet is out and they keep telling you to check the website.

I agree, the interruptions are stupid - and counterproductive. They play music in the first place so you'll lose track of how long you're kept waiting on the phone. Regular interruptions remind you how long you've been waiting, they don't reassure you that you're still on hold. The music lets you know you're still on hold and haven't been cut off. Are they trying to make us grouchy so we'll be rude to their rep when they do finally take the call?

No, it's a a result of research that showed people were less likely to ring off if they heard a human voice every so often. Apparently they failed to note you hang on because the voice is an indicator your call is about to be answered. A pre-recorded message doesn't give that impression.

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
I think the most annoying is when there is music, that I might just listen to mindlessly - not too offensive, or obtrusive - and they keep interrupting it at odd times with "thank you for continuing to hold. Your call is very important to us". I would rather just listen to the music, TBH.

I usually find myself thinking "If it's that important to you, why don't you answer it?"

I did once ring some organization some years ago now that told you "Your call is in a queue. There are X number of calls before you" which was actually quite useful, because you could then make a decision on whether to ring back later, or waste a chunk of your life. I don't think they do it any more though.

[ 09. September 2012, 07:37: Message edited by: Ariel ]

Posted by Adrienne (# 2334) on :

Some years ago when working for a large German car chain, I had to create one of these.

This is when I found out that there are people who, for a living, record without trace of irony that 'your call is important to us', making themselves sound vaguely like someone you heard of who has authority of some kind, but being much cheaper than the real thing.

Also that there are a number of orchestras - let's call them the Outer Mongolian European Youth Ensemble - who record royalty-free versions of the Four Seasons etc for just such a purpose. If edited correctly, 'Why not have a pre-ski tyre check this season for only £500?' would cut in over some of the more glaring musical aberrations.

My excuse is that a) it was a long time ago b) it was the 80s and c)I needed the money.

Posted by BessHiggs (# 15176) on :

Long ago, I worked as the service coordinator for a local computer company. There were times I could walk into the shop and hear the hold music for three or four computer manufacturers, all happily chirping away from various speakerphones. Luckily, they all played the same sort of bland, vaguely orchestral nonsense so it wasn't too bad.

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :

I am with those who want no music. I am paying for this call all I want is help with my problem. I too have come across companies that tell you where you are on the queue and as you move up the they provide a ding sound y
to tell you.

Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on :

I once worked in an animation company and had to make calls to lots of TV stations in various countries that we were trying to sell the series to.

I rather enjoyed the Indian one (big blousy Bollywood type thing) and the music they play you in South Korea (I imagine it's traditional music but admit to thorough ignorance on this point) is flipping awesome. [Big Grin]

Posted by georgiaboy (# 11294) on :

Then there was --

'Suicide Hot Line - Can you hold please?' [Eek!]

Yes, of course, I'm sorry. I just couldn't resist. [Devil]

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
I want to invent an answering system that gives you a choice.

Press 1 for classical
Press 2 for classic rock
Press 3 for elevator music
Press 4 for annoying announcements over and over ("Your call is very important to us...")
Press 5 for blessed silence.

(ETA - cross-posted with the cool cat.)

Gateway Computers help had this in the 1990s. I recall the choices included progressive jazz, country, top 40, classical. They may have been more, but 'blessed silence' wasn't one of them. I generally chose progressive jazz, though might go for bangra if available these days.

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

quote:
Originally posted by no prophet:

quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
I want to invent an answering system that gives you a choice.

Press 1 for classical
Press 2 for classic rock
Press 3 for elevator music
Press 4 for annoying announcements over and over ("Your call is very important to us...")
Press 5 for blessed silence.

(ETA - cross-posted with the cool cat.)
Gateway Computers help had this in the 1990s. I recall the choices included progressive jazz, country, top 40, classical. They may have been more, but 'blessed silence' wasn't one of them. I generally chose progressive jazz, though might go for bangra if available these days.

I spent many hours on hold with Gateway in the late 90s -- I never had a choice. The worst was when they had Gateway employees singing (badly). I thought it might be more productive to have their employees actually answer the phone rather than waste their time singing hold music.

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
I spent many hours on hold with Gateway in the late 90s -- I never had a choice. The worst was when they had Gateway employees singing (badly). I thought it might be more productive to have their employees actually answer the phone rather than waste their time singing hold music.

I wonder where your call centre was. My call went to somewhere in the USA. We had bought several Gateway computers for the office at the time.

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

It was in the U.S., but I don't remember where.

I got rid of my Gateway internet "service" and didn't have to deal with them again. I was happy with that computer and never had reason to call about that.

So maybe it was just the internet phone system that gave me no choice but to listen to them trying to sing.

(For nice classical music, call the Internal Revenue Service.)

Posted by PD (# 12436) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
I want to invent an answering system that gives you a choice.

Press 1 for classical
Press 2 for classic rock
Press 3 for elevator music
Press 4 for annoying announcements over and over ("Your call is very important to us...")
Press 5 for blessed silence.

(ETA - cross-posted with the cool cat.)

More use than Press #1 for English, because I know that about 7 times out of 10 I will be failing to communicate with someone else who has a funny accent....

Such joy!

PD

[ 10. September 2012, 03:16: Message edited by: PD ]

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :

I wish holding patterns on the phone were hard funk, such as Brick House by the Commodores: I worked for them once, building a drum kit and that is my favourite song from that genre. The driving beat definitely keeps you awake!

Posted by Lord Jestocost (# 12909) on :

I once got someone playing Unchained Melody at me. It was only the music, but I was filling in the words: "and time ... goes by ... so slowly ..."

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Lord Jestocost:
I once got someone playing Unchained Melody at me. It was only the music, but I was filling in the words: "and time ... goes by ... so slowly ..."

Posted by mark_in_manchester (# 15978) on :

Slightly tangentially, a cafe I was in in Criccieth, North Wales had background music which appeared to be a crude home-mix of some rugby crowd doing the whole 'bread of heaven' thing, blending into someone like Aled Jones...doing the whole 'bread of heaven' thing...in a different key. This lasted about 3 minutes, and was on a loop.

On its 18th repetition (in our presence), the waitress was suprised when I asked her to change it or turn it off. The owner was surprised, offended, and downright huffy.

It was like being in that Flan O'Brien novel...or perhaps like being on hold with, I don't know, a Welsh franchise of Weight Watchers. I haven't been back.

Posted by MrSponge2U (# 3076) on :

Sparks has a song called "Your Call is Very Important to Us, Please Hold", which is about the telephone hold experience. So using this song as telephone hold music would be very meta-, and I would have to appreciate the honesty.

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:

quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
I think the most annoying is when there is music, that I might just listen to mindlessly - not too offensive, or obtrusive - and they keep interrupting it at odd times with "thank you for continuing to hold. Your call is very important to us". I would rather just listen to the music, TBH.
I usually find myself thinking "If it's that important to you, why don't you answer it?"

You misunderstand the 'importance' your call has to the company. Most of them are making money out of having people on the line to them, and the longer each person is on the line the more money they make. One company I used to work for even had a deliberate policy of making each caller wait at least a minute before being put through to an operator (even if every single operator was free at the time) so that they would get some extra income. It may only have been an extra 50p or so per call, but over the course of a year it really added up.

Posted by Ricardus (# 8757) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
Why not good recordings of classical music?

A few months ago I rang some agency of Welsh government and got what sounded like a perpetual grand finale to a grand opera.

It made business development grants seem something of an anticlimax when they finally came through ...

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :

I'm confused. How do you make money out of keeping people on hold, unless you're the phone company? I know that my work has a call center that intentionally keeps the time as low as possible for fear of pissed off customers (who take their money elsewhere).

Posted by Higgs Bosun (# 16582) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
I'm confused. How do you make money out of keeping people on hold, unless you're the phone company? I know that my work has a call center that intentionally keeps the time as low as possible for fear of pissed off customers (who take their money elsewhere).

In the UK, for some telephone numbers, the owner of the line gets part of the charge to the caller. This is particularly true of so-called 'premium' numbers, often used by chat-lines etc. But I think it is true even for 0870 numbers, which cost significantly more than a normal land-line call.

Posted by ken (# 2460) on :

Yes, there are famous spam scams that just try to get you to phone a number.

Also even legitimate companies minimise their wages by maximising the time their call centre workers spend actually talking to customers. As the customers aren't going to conveniently phone them the moment the previous call ends, that means some of them have to wait.

Exactly the same reason as why you wait to see the doctor, the doctor doesn't wait to see you. The people making the decisions pay the doctor's wages, they don't pay yours.

Posted by Eutychus (# 3081) on :

In France some companies seem to indicate (as quietly as they can) that they can be called on a cheaper number than the premium one - and supply it. I can only think this is the result of some uncannily sensible legislation. I still wonder whether you get through faster on the premium line or not.

Posted by Ricardus (# 8757) on :

That's sort of true in the UK too - this website will find alternatives to 0870 numbers.

I believe it's often possible to avoid 0870 charges by calling the 'calling from abroad?' option, which is basically an ordinary 010/020 number with the international code +44 stuck on the front.

Posted by Aravis (# 13824) on :

Cardiff Council's housing repairs hotline has a woodwind quartet arrangement of the Beatles' "I wanna hold your hand".
People who ring the number usually have a list of things they'd like the council to do, but hand-holding isn't generally one of them...

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