Ship of Fools: Christian dating sites

Thread: Christian dating sites Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by Jade Constable (# 17175) on :

I know there has been a dating topic but what about specific Christian sites? I know of Christian Mingle but it seems to be mostly American evangelicals and not much for a high Anglican gal in the Midlands - I have no objection to a relationship with an evangelical, but many would have a problem with having a relationship with a non-evo. Have tried secular dating sites with not much success. Are there better sites for UK Christians?

I would, if I could, do things the 'normal' way but alas as lovely as my church is I'm the only single person under 40, and my uni's Christian Union is fairly unfriendly to non-evos (the chaplaincy is in the process of setting up an SCM group).

Posted by littlemiss (# 17372) on :

Hah, I'm so glad to see this. I was going to join Christian Mingle yesterday but I tried three times and every time is booted me out so I gave up in the end.

I don't know of any others and I too tried a secular one - not a good experience!

I am just over 40 and everyone is married in my church or the single men are far too old. Arghh what are we single christian ladies suppose to do!!! [Eek!]

Posted by Boogie (# 13538) on :

I suggest a site called the Ship of Fools - plenty of happy matches there.

[Big Grin]

Posted by littlemiss (# 17372) on :

Hey Boogie! Actually I am on here as a recommendation from a friend at church who met her husband on here!

Posted by Sandemaniac (# 12829) on :

quote:
Originally posted by littlemiss:
Arghh what are we single christian ladies suppose to do!!!

I was about to suggest "Fifty Shades..." but I've just checked and, oh dear, Leviticus 20:28 reads

"And lo, didst I mention reading of racy books? Didst I not? Oh bother, yea verily that sort of thing shall be wicked too"

Besides, since when did a book bring you a cuppa in bed or give you a shoulder rub?

AG

[ 12. October 2012, 20:37: Message edited by: Sandemaniac ]

Posted by Surfing Madness (# 11087) on :

I um and ahh about joining a dating site every so often, but then I realise that I float between being an evangelical, and not. This causes me problem, how do you express that in words and find someone who is happy with either option.

Posted by Hedgehog (# 14125) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Jade Constable:
Are there better sites for UK Christians?

Of course, there is CatholicSingles.com, but you may possibly find that that presents a different set of problems. [Biased]

Posted by Jade Constable (# 17175) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Sandemaniac:

quote:
Originally posted by littlemiss:
Arghh what are we single christian ladies suppose to do!!!
I was about to suggest "Fifty Shades..." but I've just checked and, oh dear, Leviticus 20:28 reads

"And lo, didst I mention reading of racy books? Didst I not? Oh bother, yea verily that sort of thing shall be wicked too"

Besides, since when did a book bring you a cuppa in bed or give you a shoulder rub?

AG

My objection to 50 Shades is more the quality of the writing! Blech!

Posted by Jade Constable (# 17175) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Hedgehog:

quote:
Originally posted by Jade Constable:
Are there better sites for UK Christians?
Of course, there is CatholicSingles.com, but you may possibly find that that presents a different set of problems.

Haha quite! Christian Connection looks promising but I have to pay after my free trial. I suppose you don't really get quality with free sites, although my best friend (also a Christian) met her Christian husband on OK Cupid!

It's frustrating to be in a place where I don't want to be single anymore and I feel emotionally ready for a relationship, and take the steps to put myself out there...but nothing!

Posted by que sais-je (# 17185) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Jade Constable:
I know there has been a dating topic but what about specific Christian sites? I know of Christian Mingle but it seems to be mostly American evangelicals and not much for a high Anglican gal in the Midlands - I have no objection to a relationship with an evangelical, but many would have a problem with having a relationship with a non-evo. Have tried secular dating sites with not much success. Are there better sites for UK Christians?

Heaven, Purgatory, Hell ... maybe Ship of Fools should have a Personals board as well!

Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :

A long time ago, we had Tigglet's Dating Agency. Several threads worth, as I recall.

Unfortunately, I can't seem to find any of them, just references to some of the success stories.

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :

I remember (and had trouble finding!) the Painfully Honest Personals Ads thread we had about a year back. Then there's the legendary Talking Tits & Testicles (TT&T) board that existed before I was around—and let's not forget the latest iteration of Taking Offense in the Circus that eventually just became ill-disguised flirting between Kelly and . . . well, everyone. It's been a while since we've had a proper flirting thread, though.

Perhaps the Ship's in southern waters right now, where spring is in the air . . .

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :

As someone who's been happily married for 24 years, I'm probably not really qualified to opine on this thread, but every time I see an advert for Christian Mingle ("Find God's Match for You!") I can't help thinking, if they're Christians looking for a mate, why don't they just go to church?

It's where I found my Better Half ... [Big Grin]

Posted by infinite_monkey (# 11333) on :

Hey folks! We've got a designated singles thread for whinging and commiserating and advising and such: look in Heaven under "A Truth Universally Acknowledged".

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

quote:
Originally posted by infinite_monkey:
Hey folks! We've got a designated singles thread for whinging and commiserating and advising and such: look in Heaven under "A Truth Universally Acknowledged".

All Saints, actually.

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :

quote:
Originally posted by jedijudy:
A long time ago, we had Tigglet's Dating Agency. Several threads worth, as I recall.

Unfortunately, I can't seem to find any of them, just references to some of the success stories.

Do we need to resurrect TDA, Inc. under new management? The testimonials I saw seem to speak rather highly of it.

Then again, do we even have anyone qualified to run it? I can only imagine what would happen if we were to have Ariston's Love Emporium opened for business.

quote:
Worst. Date. Ever. I specifically asked for a nice guy who knew how to treat a woman, and was easy on the eyes; did they ever screw that up! If you ask me, it's a shame that such a beautiful cathedral is stuck with such a hideous creature as its bellringer.

Etc.

[ 15. October 2012, 04:49: Message edited by: Ariston ]

Posted by Jonah the Whale (# 1244) on :

quote:
Originally posted by jedijudy:
A long time ago, we had Tigglet's Dating Agency. Several threads worth, as I recall.

Unfortunately, I can't seem to find any of them, just references to some of the success stories.

Yes, Tigglet started the original one back in the early 2000s. I also ran one in 2006, and Duchess did one a couple of years later. I have it on good authority that at least one marriage was a more or less direct result.

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Ariston:

quote:
Worst. Date. Ever. I specifically asked for a nice guy who knew how to treat a woman, and was easy on the eyes; did they ever screw that up! If you ask me, it's a shame that such a beautiful cathedral is stuck with such a hideous creature as its bellringer.
Etc.

OTOH, you did ask for a real swinger.

Posted by Jade Constable (# 17175) on :

quote:
Originally posted by piglet:
As someone who's been happily married for 24 years, I'm probably not really qualified to opine on this thread, but every time I see an advert for Christian Mingle ("Find God's Match for You!") I can't help thinking, if they're Christians looking for a mate, why don't they just go to church?

It's where I found my Better Half ...

I do go to church, but I'm 23 and all the men are married and 50+ [Smile]

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :

Have any of them got sons? [Snigger]

[ 16. October 2012, 03:06: Message edited by: piglet ]

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Jade Constable:
I do go to church, but I'm 23 and all the men are married and 50+

Then you're probably just their type!

Posted by quantpole (# 8401) on :

I met my wife through fusion101, which I joined because it's free (I am a Yorkshireman after all). I can't really advise how it compares to other christian dating sites as I have no experience of them. Searching wasn't the easiest (might have changed since) and they didn't do matching of characteristics. But it seems to be such a limited pool that if they're a christian in the right sort of age bracket and not too far away, that's enough of a match to give it a go!

Posted by Horatio Harumph (# 10855) on :

my very limited and only 'dating site' experience has been getting messaged by lots of men, mostly from London, who have to go back to the country they originate from fairly soon. The messages, after the first 'hello, how are you' became 'will you marry me' ones ...

Although I am not suggesting this is how it is for everyone, and for every dating site, the large volume of these types of messages during the very short time I was a member of one was off putting to say the least.

Having said that, a few years on, maybe they're worth another try?!

[ 16. October 2012, 12:53: Message edited by: Horatio Harumph ]

Posted by balaam (# 4543) on :

quote:
Originally posted by piglet:
As someone who's been happily married for 24 years,

'Fess up. What's the total number of years you've been married? [Two face]

Posted by SvitlanaV2 (# 16967) on :

quote:
Originally posted by littlemiss:
Hah, I'm so glad to see this. I was going to join Christian Mingle yesterday but I tried three times and every time is booted me out so I gave up in the end.

I don't know of any others and I too tried a secular one - not a good experience!

I am just over 40 and everyone is married in my church or the single men are far too old. Arghh what are we single christian ladies suppose to do!!!

I'm single, and about the same age. My impression is that at this age most women who want to marry will probably have to look for someone who is much older. Men our age, Christian or not, can more easily find someone much younger than themselves to marry.

One of my concerns would be seeing my elderly husband, if I had one, getting on rather too well with my dad (!!), but really, that's a rather superficial concern. I imagine there are things that are much more important in a marriage than age, and maybe those are the things we should be focusing on.

[ 16. October 2012, 19:57: Message edited by: SvitlanaV2 ]

Posted by Shire Dweller (# 16631) on :

I've been reluctant to post on this thread, I don't want to annoy anyone.

I've had a little experience of Christian Connection and it is a good site, if you're a man.
As soon as I joined the site, I received 4 messages from very attractive Christian women who all seemed to be serious about finding 'the one'.
Receiving messages so quickly was a little unnerving but at first my confidence grew, thinking I had been contacted because I was attractive. But that wasn't it at all. I get the impression that there are far more Christian women seeking relationship than there are Christian men seeking relationship.

I went as far as to meet one woman within a week of being contacted, even though I felt it was all a bit too fast and I realised I wasn't being genuine with her or anyone else that might contact me, so I left the site.
I also found it to be a minefield of etiquette when contacted by several women as to whether I should talk to them all at the same time. I didn't think it would be right of me.

If on-line dating is approached with genuine sincerity, I think it works for people. But I personally found it to be too stressful and pressured.
I'm an introvert who lacks confidence so its better to put the time in and build up a friendship first, surely.

Besides, Christian women should be the ones doing the choosing from amongst many suitors.
I, as an averagely attractive early 30's man, should not be doing any choosing.

Posted by Aravis (# 13824) on :

I've no experience of dating agencies, but if your church has very few people in your age group, maybe you should try out other social activities? A curate I know met her fiance through the choir we both sing in.

Posted by Jade Constable (# 17175) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Shire Dweller:
I've been reluctant to post on this thread, I don't want to annoy anyone.

I've had a little experience of Christian Connection and it is a good site, if you're a man.
As soon as I joined the site, I received 4 messages from very attractive Christian women who all seemed to be serious about finding 'the one'.
Receiving messages so quickly was a little unnerving but at first my confidence grew, thinking I had been contacted because I was attractive. But that wasn't it at all. I get the impression that there are far more Christian women seeking relationship than there are Christian men seeking relationship.

I went as far as to meet one woman within a week of being contacted, even though I felt it was all a bit too fast and I realised I wasn't being genuine with her or anyone else that might contact me, so I left the site.
I also found it to be a minefield of etiquette when contacted by several women as to whether I should talk to them all at the same time. I didn't think it would be right of me.

If on-line dating is approached with genuine sincerity, I think it works for people. But I personally found it to be too stressful and pressured.
I'm an introvert who lacks confidence so its better to put the time in and build up a friendship first, surely.

Besides, Christian women should be the ones doing the choosing from amongst many suitors.
I, as an averagely attractive early 30's man, should not be doing any choosing.

Are you sure the women contacted you for reasons other than your attractiveness? And I'm not sure why you feel you shouldn't be doing any choosing because you're a man - Christian women outnumber Christian men.

Posted by Horatio Harumph (# 10855) on :

wanna choose me? [Biased]

Posted by Horatio Harumph (# 10855) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Shire Dweller:
I've been reluctant to post on this thread, I don't want to annoy anyone.

sorry, previous post just a joke. a bit insensitive perhaps. apols.

why would you annoy anyone?

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Jade Constable:
I'm not sure why you feel you shouldn't be doing any choosing because you're a man - Christian women outnumber Christian men.

I have never had to use a dating agency or website (I met Mrs Sioni when we were about 15!), but I understand that women outnumber men on these as well as in churches. This is I hear because men are more inclined to seek potential dates and mates while women are, generally, hopeful that someone or something can at least weed out some of the undesirables.

Posted by Jade Constable (# 17175) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Aravis:
I've no experience of dating agencies, but if your church has very few people in your age group, maybe you should try out other social activities? A curate I know met her fiance through the choir we both sing in.

Well, I'm at university - there's no shortage of social activities with people my age, there's a shortage of Christians within them.

Posted by Circuit Rider (# 13088) on :

My daughters have used one called Christian Cafe. While it appears most subscribers are American, there are people from UK and other places also. One of my daughters struck up a promising conversation with a young man from Bournemouth, but he abandoned it because he didn't think he could cross the pond to do any serious courting. There was another one in Wales. This daughter is now engaged to a young man in the next county.

Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :

One of my co-w*rkers met a man through a Christian dating site. She answered the ad even though the things he wrote about himself were not things she was interested in. She just had a 'feeling'.

They got married in July!

Which is nice for them. I'm too old and crotchety for that kind of nonsense myself. [Biased]

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :

quote:
Originally posted by balaam:

quote:
Originally posted by piglet:
As someone who's been happily married for 24 years,
'Fess up. What's the total number of years you've been married?

24. Honestly. [Big Grin]

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Jade Constable:
Well, I'm at university - there's no shortage of social activities with people my age, there's a shortage of Christians within them.

Don't assume that. I never darkened the doors of the University CU in my four years of study, but I'm still Christian.

Posted by SvitlanaV2 (# 16967) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Marvin the Martian:

quote:
Originally posted by Jade Constable:
Well, I'm at university - there's no shortage of social activities with people my age, there's a shortage of Christians within them.
Don't assume that. I never darkened the doors of the University CU in my four years of study, but I'm still Christian.

I don't think Jade's point was about the CU, but just about the shortage of Christians at uni in general.

When I was an undergrad in the early '90s, I was in MurcSoc (Methodist+ URC), and had a good social life with them for 2 years (then I did my year abroad, and didn't feel like rejoining when I got back). I knew a few Christians outside that, but not through CU. When I attended another uni in the early '00s there was a Methodist chaplain, but I only ever came across one other Methodist student.

With the decline of Methodism, the URC and MOTR Anglicanism, it's unsurprising that CU has become more dominated by evangelicals. Maybe someone ought to create a more moderate ecumenical university society. It won't rival CU in numbers, but it'll give other Christians somewhere to go.

Back on topic: in my experience, the most interesting places to meet potential Christian marriage partners are university, foreign countries where there are simply more Christians, and London, where the vast majority of twentysomething Christians live. In any case, what I realise now is that most Christian women will have to make a concerted effort to find a Christian spouse; you can't leave it to chance. I'm sure there are many exceptions, but still!

Posted by Shire Dweller (# 16631) on :

I've got really muddled thinking about relationships...

quote:
@Jade Constable
Are you sure the women contacted you for reasons other than your attractiveness? And I'm not sure why you feel you shouldn't be doing any choosing because you're a man - Christian women outnumber Christian men.

Of course I cant be sure of their reasons
I was assuming that some women restrict themselves too much to men who self-identify with the label of “Christian” I think this is prevalent amongst certain Evangelical circles who major on 'Do not yoke yourself to an unbeliever' etc. Which is fine advice, but it might be better to let God move in life and even in relationships He might guide to somewhere other than expected (without the Christian label).

The 'shouldn't be choosing' line was a bit throw-away. I haven't got a good reason for saying it.

quote:
@Horatio Harumph
sorry, previous post just a joke. a bit insensitive perhaps. apols.

why would you annoy anyone?

No worries, I didn't take it as insensitive at all :-)
I just felt I might annoy if I express less than rosy views of “Christian” dating.

... I completely understand why a 'Christian' partner is so appealing, but I just don't want people to end up getting hurt (like a friend of mine did) by insisting on getting a 'Christian' partner, so they turned down suitable non-Christian potential partners (and they knew those potential matches were suitable, but just lacked the 'Christian' label) only to form a relationship with someone claiming to be 'Christian' who subsequently hurt my friend very badly.

Its because I saw a good friend get very hurt by the 'Do not yoke yourself' thingy that I feel sceptical that Christians should only ever possibly form relationships with other Christians.

Dont restrict God.

Posted by leo (# 1458) on :

quote:
Originally posted by SvitlanaV2:
With the decline of Methodism, the URC and MOTR Anglicanism, it's unsurprising that CU has become more dominated by evangelicals. Maybe someone ought to create a more moderate ecumenical university society. It won't rival CU in numbers, but it'll give other Christians somewhere to go.

CUs were always, with very few exceptions, evangelical.

SCM was the liberal/ecumenical society and many CUs split off from it originally.

Posted by Theophania (# 16647) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Shire Dweller:

Its because I saw a good friend get very hurt by the 'Do not yoke yourself' thingy that I feel sceptical that Christians should only ever possibly form relationships with other Christians.

(I have no business on this thread but am reading it out of nosiness)

You can get pretty hurt the other way too. In my agnostic days I was dumped (by an evangelical) for not being a Christian. Fast forward a decade or so and I was dumped (by an atheist) for being a Christian.

I think it boils down to: people sometimes suck and relationships are complicated.

Posted by Jade Constable (# 17175) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Shire Dweller:
I've got really muddled thinking about relationships...

quote:
@Jade Constable
Are you sure the women contacted you for reasons other than your attractiveness? And I'm not sure why you feel you shouldn't be doing any choosing because you're a man - Christian women outnumber Christian men.
Of course I cant be sure of their reasons
I was assuming that some women restrict themselves too much to men who self-identify with the label of “Christian” I think this is prevalent amongst certain Evangelical circles who major on 'Do not yoke yourself to an unbeliever' etc. Which is fine advice, but it might be better to let God move in life and even in relationships He might guide to somewhere other than expected (without the Christian label).

The 'shouldn't be choosing' line was a bit throw-away. I haven't got a good reason for saying it.

quote:
@Horatio Harumph
sorry, previous post just a joke. a bit insensitive perhaps. apols.

why would you annoy anyone?
No worries, I didn't take it as insensitive at all :-)
I just felt I might annoy if I express less than rosy views of “Christian” dating.

... I completely understand why a 'Christian' partner is so appealing, but I just don't want people to end up getting hurt (like a friend of mine did) by insisting on getting a 'Christian' partner, so they turned down suitable non-Christian potential partners (and they knew those potential matches were suitable, but just lacked the 'Christian' label) only to form a relationship with someone claiming to be 'Christian' who subsequently hurt my friend very badly.

Its because I saw a good friend get very hurt by the 'Do not yoke yourself' thingy that I feel sceptical that Christians should only ever possibly form relationships with other Christians.

Dont restrict God.

Well, I would want to only be in a relationship with another Christian. That's not to say that a relationship with a Christian can't end badly, of course it can, but for women looking for someone to settle down with and especially have children with, it makes sense for that person to share their faith. Don't forget that women have a shorter amount of time in which to have children than men do. I'm far from an evangelical but I would still not want a relationship with a non-Christian - it wouldn't matter what kind of Christian, but a shared faith is a value I want in a partner.

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :

Without wishing to sound completely wet, but where's LOVE in all this.

As for meeting people, try the Encounters section in The Times.
[Biased]

Posted by Jade Constable (# 17175) on :

quote:
Originally posted by leo:

quote:
Originally posted by SvitlanaV2:
With the decline of Methodism, the URC and MOTR Anglicanism, it's unsurprising that CU has become more dominated by evangelicals. Maybe someone ought to create a more moderate ecumenical university society. It won't rival CU in numbers, but it'll give other Christians somewhere to go.
CUs were always, with very few exceptions, evangelical.

SCM was the liberal/ecumenical society and many CUs split off from it originally.

The Anglican chaplain is indeed trying to set up an SCM/similar group on campus.

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
Without wishing to sound completely wet, but where's LOVE in all this.

As for meeting people, try the Encounters section in The Times.

Do you expect love to be there before dating? I suppose it depends on what one expects of a date.

Posted by Jade Constable (# 17175) on :

quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
Without wishing to sound completely wet, but where's LOVE in all this.

As for meeting people, try the Encounters section in The Times.

Well, I would date someone before falling in love with them, surely? And I don't read Murdoch papers [Razz]

Posted by Shire Dweller (# 16631) on :

quote:
@Jade Constable
Well, I would want to only be in a relationship with another Christian. That's not to say that a relationship with a Christian can't end badly, of course it can, but for women looking for someone to settle down with and especially have children with, it makes sense for that person to share their faith. Don't forget that women have a shorter amount of time in which to have children than men do. I'm far from an evangelical but I would still not want a relationship with a non-Christian - it wouldn't matter what kind of Christian, but a shared faith is a value I want in a partner.

Jade, I'm really not calling into question the desire for a Christian partner. I completely appreciate where your view is coming from. And I'm certainly not questioning the basic human need for intimate, committed relationship.

And of course, any Christian wouldn't want a relationship with someone anti-Christian. Especially with someone seduced by the certainties offered by what the cool kids all think the cleverest people don't believe.

I suppose (in a muddled way) what I'm driving at is that Christian dating sites are good, but Christians need to go into dating and relationships with their eyes open. And if people are minded to read this website, you've probably got at least one eye open...

Another suggestion I'd give is “Friends 1st”. I read the back page interview with its founder or manager(?) in the Church Times in May. They're more of an 'old-style' dating agency (not on-line profiles as such) and try to offer a matching service with a more personal (indeed Christian) touch. Although I dont know anyone that's used them.

... As for not reading Murdoch papers, I've stopped reading any (other than the beloved Church Times).... [Big Grin]

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

Our organist's son joined a Christian Dating website and ended up meeting a girl who lived in India. So it certainly widened his horizons. (Mind you, if you call up almost any helpline in the UK you are diverted to India, so there are other ways of achieving the same result....)

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