Ship of Fools: Appropriate Decoration For Holy Wangs

Thread: Appropriate Decoration For Holy Wangs Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by Tortuf (# 3784) on :

I read an apt quote by Crœsos in the Circus

quote:
If penis-having is the critical component to priesthood, why not whip out the Holy Wang during services? You know, to more accurately symbolize and represent the maleness of God.

Then, I read Horseman Bree's follow up question

quote:
Should it be dressed for the occasion? Do any ribbons or other appurtenances have to be in seasonal colours?

It just seems like a question that needs an answer or two. Given that I have little or no knowledge about appropriate dress for Holy Wangs, I thought I ought to throw the question out to a wider audience for authoritative answers.

So, what decorations are appropriate and are there seasons for certain colors, etc.?

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

You could not have waited and posted on the Circus Offense thread when it comes round again? [Disappointed]

Posted by Chapelhead (# 21) on :

Should deacons have it thrown over one shoulder?

Posted by Robert Armin (# 182) on :

Only if it's also knotted at the hip.

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

I won't post it here, but there's a limerick about The Bishop of Winchester Junction.
[Eek!]

Posted by Caissa (# 16710) on :

With liturgical coloured condoms with pin pricks in them for use in RC churches.

Posted by deano (# 12063) on :

Would High-Church vicars have the insence burner waived over it?

Would low-church vicars insist on it being simply a memorial of good times past.

Posted by Organ Builder (# 12478) on :

As an aside, this thread would have been amusing in a completely different way had it been opened in Ecclesiantics!

Posted by lily pad (# 11456) on :

Is this thread sort of like Julie Andrews singing, "These are a few of my favourite things", to take the children's minds off the storm?

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

Dick jokes are always and forever a balm for the soul.

Posted by Tortuf (# 3784) on :

I was thinking about a few basic colors like pinkish, browns and yellows.

Flags would probably be out in most cases.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Tortuf:

Flags would probably be out in most cases.

I should think flags would help most cases.

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Tortuf:

Flags would probably be out in most cases.

No problem for female clergy then: they can fly the red flag...

Posted by Imersge Canfield (# 17431) on :

Did nt early religion start off like this ?

What went wrong ?

Posted by Horseman Bree (# 5290) on :

Oh dear. Red flags have too many associations with charging bulls. Would one have to qualify as a matador for the church?

OTOH, the appropriate waving of the flag might serve as part of the liturgical action, while providing a role for the assistant (of whatever gender) near the altar.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Tortuf:
I was thinking about a few basic colors like pinkish, browns and yellows.

Anbody else think this is just dull, dull, dull, dull?

Here is a color scheme that expresses both the richness of our christian heritage and the Joy of the Lord as expressed in sheer gratitude for color. Bright, vibrant, orgiastic COLOR.

Y'all laugh at Bishop Schori, but she know what time it is.

[ 29. November 2012, 21:35: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

Perhaps a scheme that is differentiated by rank.
For priests, for bishops. Might help with those who are not as, erm, spiritually endowed.

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:

Here is a color scheme that expresses both the richness of our christian heritage and the Joy of the Lord as expressed in sheer gratitude for color.

And you notice there is a shepherdess watching her flocks by night...

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

Well, judging by a current Hell thread, cannot trust the shepherds.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

Just what are you implying, lilbuddha?

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

[Devil]

Posted by John Holding (# 158) on :

After briefly contemplating the use one might make of a monstrance -- and turning away with a queasy feeling, I did recall that the sacred metal for altar and liturgical hardware is brass -- most of us can't afford silver or gold. So what we need is an appropriately designed piece of brass work to display and to sustain. How to attach it to a chasuble...

John

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

Would have thought any decoration would be sustained by the, erm, sub-structure. After all, it is only about an hour, yeah?

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

Hey, some preparations claim to be effective for 4 hours. Which means they could sustain an Easter vigil.

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

Would have thought ones ardor for God would be enough to sustain without aid. Is this what they mean by the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak?

Posted by Tortuf (# 3784) on :

Well, my flesh gets weak after . . .

I just don't want to talk about that anymore.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

You're the one who started the thread, bozo. [Big Grin]

That is to say, I find your sudden end to participation a bit... premature.

Posted by Mullygrub (# 9113) on :

Nerves'll do that to ya.

Posted by Tortuf (# 3784) on :

At least I can walk away with my head upright.

Posted by Mullygrub (# 9113) on :

Yes, better something than nothing, I suppose.

Posted by Mullygrub (# 9113) on :

[on the side]
By the way, this thread, when showing on the main board, has its title cut to "Appropriate Decoration"; I presumed it was going to be a Christmas-themed thread.

Sigh. How I love The Ship.
[/on the side]

Okay, back to your regularly scheduled program.

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :

Surely you wrap it in a maniple, after all "no maniple, no mass". Clearly, randomly draping the maniple over an arm in denial of its original function. was just modernist prudery.

Posted by Chapelhead (# 21) on :

All together now:

The purple-headed mountain,
the...

Posted by The Machine Elf (# 1622) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Firenze:

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:

Here is a color scheme that expresses both the richness of our christian heritage and the Joy of the Lord as expressed in sheer gratitude for color.
And you notice there is a shepherdess watching her flocks by night...

Not with a wang but a wimple.

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :

And after that, how about :

"Your love is surprising
I can feel it rising.."

Followed by that one about raising your Ebenezer...

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

Holy shit. Take me TME, I'm yours. [Overused]

Posted by Chapelhead (# 21) on :

We would have to get this into the liturgy somehow.

Posted by Vulpior (# 12744) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chapelhead:
All together now:

The purple-headed mountain,
the...

I was scrolling through the thread, hoping that no-one had mentioned episcopal purple, and this came along. I have now wiped soup from the iPad.

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

As long as it's just soup.

Posted by Tortuf (# 3784) on :

Now I understand why guys get iPads instead of computers with keyboards.

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Caissa:
With liturgical coloured condoms with pin pricks in them for use in RC churches.

If I'm being picky, I would guess that being purely decorative/symbolic the RC wouldn't insist on permiability. [Big Grin]

If taking the condom route, may I suggest glow-in-the-dark? They have the advantage of being visible from a distance at candlight services.

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

Lead kindly light, amidst the encircling gloom?

Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :

Surprised no one has raised the circumscision issue. Surely there is much theological significance in that.

Another question. Does ritual genital exposure constitute a kind of evangelicalism?

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

quote:
Originally posted by roybart:

Another question. Does ritual genital exposure constitute a kind of evangelicalism?

You're sure you don't mean 'evangelism'? Either that, or some elements of the Church are way wilder than previously thought.

Posted by Boogie (# 13538) on :

Jesus clearly left the Holy Wang undecorated - so should all who follow him.

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :

The guardian letters page today quoting Shakespeare on this very issue:

quote:
There's a divinity that shapes our ends, Rough hew them how we will.

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :

quote:
Originally posted by John Holding:
I did recall that the sacred metal for altar and liturgical hardware is brass -- most of us can't afford silver or gold. So what we need is an appropriately designed piece of brass work to display and to sustain. How to attach it to a chasuble...

I'll never hear the expression "brass balls" quite the same way again.

Posted by Tortuf (# 3784) on :

quote:
Originally posted by roybart:
Surprised no one has raised the circumscision issue. Surely there is much theological significance in that.

Some monks have hoods. Some don't.

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