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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Shit pastors say
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no prophet's flag is set so...
Proceed to see sea
# 15560
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Posted
Some preachers, priests and pastors say some pretty whacked out crap. I saw some posts in the Value of Suffering thread, and thought, you know, there's some pretty messed up preachifying and bastard-pastor - is there such a thing as a "pastard"? - garbage-crap out there, that it might be worthy to collect it all.
Here's one from my experience to start us off. I have no idea what this means. He told me this after my mother died.
"God draws water up a tree trunk to the leaves at the end of its branches the way we are drawn to heaven after we die."
[ 22. November 2013, 23:51: Message edited by: no prophet ]
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Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.
\_(ツ)_/
Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010
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Mechtilde
Shipmate
# 12563
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Posted
Nothing to contribute, but
"Pastard": ![[Overused]](graemlins/notworthy.gif)
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"Once one has seen God, what is the remedy?"
Sylvia Plath, "Mystic"
Posts: 517 | From: The cloud of unknowing | Registered: Apr 2007
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jedijudy
Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333
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Posted
We had a pastard (love that term!) who made up scriptures and laws of nature from the pulpit. One of my favorite eyerolls was when she preached that the Church has celebrated Christmas Eve for two thousand years, and it's on the longest night of the year. A twofer!!
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Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.
Posts: 18017 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001
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L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
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Posted
"In Jesus's time they had something a bit like Christingle so all the little boys and girls could remember the other people in the world who weren't so lucky" - from a pastardess in Sussex 2 years ago
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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
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BessLane
Shipmate
# 15176
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Posted
I had gone with a friend to a local church. we get to the prayers of the people and the pastor told the congregation that unless they came up to the altar rail to pray that God would be offended by their prayers. ![[Confused]](confused.gif)
And not a pastard, but the flopsy-mopsy wife of a local politician was serving as ligurgist a couple of months ago, and told a fifteen minute story about a kitten. She had prayed for a kitten and found one on the side of the road, so she took it home, but it died and that just showed her that God would answer her prayers in God's time, not hers. So, ummmm, God killed a kitten to teach you patience?!?
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It's all on me and I won't tell it.
formerly BessHiggs
Posts: 1388 | From: Yorkville, TN | Registered: Sep 2009
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Anglo Catholic Relict
Shipmate
# 17213
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Posted
On Christmas Day last year my Pastard preached about his visit to Auschwitz. He said, you might be wondering why I am talking about Auschwitz at Christmas (Yes, we certainly were!!!); it is because 'Christmas is for everyone.'
![[Ultra confused]](graemlins/confused2.gif)
Posts: 585 | Registered: Jul 2012
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Anglo Catholic Relict
Shipmate
# 17213
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Posted
Same Pastard told me that people who are going to commit suicide never talk about it, and those who talk about it never do it.
That was in response to me telling him that I was having SI as a direct result of overwork for the church. One month later I had a nervous breakdown.
Pastard.
Posts: 585 | Registered: Jul 2012
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quetzalcoatl
Shipmate
# 16740
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Posted
In a rural village in Norfolk, being told that 9/11 happened because American people had decided to shut God out. Where does this bilge come from?
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I can't talk to you today; I talked to two people yesterday.
Posts: 9878 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2011
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
It wasn't a pastor but I once read a non-fiction book where someone trying to console a couple for the loss of their only child came out with this gem, "She had to die so that you would turn to God and start believing."
At this point I flung the book down and told it what I thought.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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cattyish
Wuss in Boots
# 7829
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Posted
We had a lovely minister for a while who mistakenly assumed that everyone in the congregation had as joyful a marriage as their own. They preached a series of three sermons on how like marriage our relationship to God should be. After the third tooth-grinding overshare I felt God lead me to point out that not all marriages live up to the ideal. I didn't hear another sermon on the same basis from them.
Cattyish, average wife.
[ 23. November 2013, 15:52: Message edited by: cattyish ]
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...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived, this is to have succeeded.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Posts: 1794 | From: Scotland | Registered: Jul 2004
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georgiaboy
Shipmate
# 11294
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Posted
This isn't QUITE in the 'pastard' class, but the stupidity and inappropriateness of it was astounding.
A guest priest, preaching at the Christmas Eve Midnight Mass (in a small AC parish where I was musician), took up the whole sermon time to retell that totally baseless fiction that 'The 12 Days of Christmas' was a Jesuit teaching device for underground Roman Catholics in Tudor England. ![[Projectile]](graemlins/puke2.gif)
Aside from the idiotic untruth of the story, it had absolutely NOTHING of the Christmas Gospel in it!
I nearly started throwing things. ![[brick wall]](graemlins/brick_wall.gif)
(Belated apologies -- I think I've sung this rant before, probably last year at this time.)
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You can't retire from a calling.
Posts: 1675 | From: saint meinrad, IN | Registered: Apr 2006
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Pomona
Shipmate
# 17175
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
"In Jesus's time they had something a bit like Christingle so all the little boys and girls could remember the other people in the world who weren't so lucky" - from a pastardess in Sussex 2 years ago
I....what? What??
And that's just seeing a female pastard in Sussex ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
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Consider the work of God: Who is able to straighten what he has bent? [Ecclesiastes 7:13]
Posts: 5319 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2012
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listener
Apprentice
# 15770
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Posted
"...Keep your hand on the throttle and your eye on the rail as you walk through life's pathway"..
Posts: 31 | From: Canada | Registered: Jul 2010
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Oooh, wanna know my favorite?
"COme little ones, gather round me for the children's sermon. Today we are going to talk about Mark 9:42-- 'If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them if a large millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea.'
What that means, little ones, is that raising children is a huge responsibility, land when you disobey, it is like hanging a stone of burdensome worry around your parent's neck. So who want's to be a mill stone? Not you good little children, fright? So be sure and be obedient."
I still can't figure out how the pastard in question arrived at that logic, but I bet the Good Lord is having a lot of fun right now teaching him the meaning of the word "Millstone."
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Stetson
Shipmate
# 9597
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by georgiaboy:
This isn't QUITE in the 'pastard' class, but the stupidity and inappropriateness of it was astounding.
A guest priest, preaching at the Christmas Eve Midnight Mass (in a small AC parish where I was musician), took up the whole sermon time to retell that totally baseless fiction that 'The 12 Days of Christmas' was a Jesuit teaching device for underground Roman Catholics in Tudor England.
Aside from the idiotic untruth of the story, it had absolutely NOTHING of the Christmas Gospel in it!
I nearly started throwing things.
(Belated apologies -- I think I've sung this rant before, probably last year at this time.)
I remember that thread.
And I'll also replay a story, about the Catholic priest who devoted an entire Christmas Eve homily to explaining why Christmas was less important than Easter. Theologically correct, but a definite mood-killer.
Posts: 6574 | From: back and forth between bible belts | Registered: Jun 2005
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Galilit
Shipmate
# 16470
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Posted
When I was about 15 in a suburban Presbyterian church in New Zealand.... Pastard preaching mentioned one of the Creeds and said "How can a church be 'holy' and 'catholic' at the same time?"
I said to Mum (my first Spiritual Director) "Doesn't he know that 'catholic' in this context means 'universal'?"
I'd managed to convince her that Bible Class was cr*p there so she let me stay on with the adults only to be exposed to this!
[ 24. November 2013, 06:15: Message edited by: Galilit ]
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She who does Her Son's will in all things can rely on me to do Hers.
Posts: 624 | From: a Galilee far, far away | Registered: Jun 2011
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Morlader
Shipmate
# 16040
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Posted
At a wedding: priest believed (incorrectly, as it turned out**) that the groom worked for Nike. The address drew parallels between comfortable shoes and marriage and how a long-lasting marriage needs "patching up" like shoes. We in the visiting choir were waiting for a simile about the smell of well-used trainers but, thankfully, it didn't go that far.
** Seems the priest also got the names of the (less than) Happy Couple wrong.
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.. to utmost west.
Posts: 858 | From: Not England | Registered: Nov 2010
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
Teenage girl, complaining with her mother there, that the previous week at the youth club (from which all other girls had disappeared, but she was on the Committee) when no adult had turned up - it was the pastard's job to be there - she had been bullied to tears by the boys making filthy jokes. Told that the youths would not do anything like that (they are smirking behind him) and "To the pure all things are pure."
To be perfectly fair to the guy, nobody then had heard of the concept of sexual harassment and that it was actually wrong.
[ 24. November 2013, 09:20: Message edited by: Penny S ]
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
And to be even more fair (?) he was probably thinking "OMG, suppose it had been worse and she had been attacked."
With the corollary, "The last minister lost his post because of something that happened in the youth club."
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Anglo Catholic Relict
Shipmate
# 17213
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Posted
Inappropriate Midnight Mass sermons; our curate many years ago preached about the fourth Wise Man, who got left behind for some obscure reason and is apparently still wandering the Middle East trying to find the Christ Child.
It really was a lovely story, but not so good when some people come to Church only one evening in the whole year, and get told a fairy story.
Being young and foolish at the time, I pointed this out to the Curate. These days I probably would not bother. I have heard a lot worse.
And while on the subject of sermons, why do Vicars not think we will not notice when they recycle, week after week, what they said last year? The occasional re-run is no problem; weeks of it is just plain lazy.
Posts: 585 | Registered: Jul 2012
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jedijudy
Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333
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Posted
Our church has had many retired ministers. They will occasionally help out with substitute preaching, visitation and other such pastorly duties.
One of them volunteered to give the children's sermon one week. The message was telling the children how the disciples died...in great detail. I don't know who had the more horrified looks on their faces, the children or the adults in the congregation.
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Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.
Posts: 18017 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001
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Alex Cockell
Ship’s penguin
# 7487
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by quetzalcoatl:
In a rural village in Norfolk, being told that 9/11 happened because American people had decided to shut God out. Where does this bilge come from?
Jerry Falwell et al. Usual suspects of the Roght-Wing Shock Jock community. Typically Southern baptists...
Falwell et al's rants re 9/11
Posts: 2146 | From: Reading, Berkshire UK | Registered: Jun 2004
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L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
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Posted
Yes Jade Constable it is a shock seeing a pastardess in Sussex (diocese of Chichester, you know). And then they come out with that crap.
But apparently I was lucky she praught* at all: I'm reliably informed that she has a stock of 8 basic sermons which are loosely adapted (or not) to the Sunday. Weddings she just relates anecdotes about her own d's wedding; evenings she either repeats what she said in the morning or there's no sermon at all.
My friends (who no longer attend there) say she's single-handedly putting back the cause of women clergy in the diocese by a good 25+ years and mutter darkly about why she was really appointed...
* PRAUGHT : if teach = taught then preach = praught
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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
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Arethosemyfeet
Shipmate
# 17047
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Posted
During a long absence of our minister due to illness, we've been visited by a succession of the good, the bad, the bizarre and the indifferent on pulpit supply. In the borderlands between the latter two is the elderly chap who, out of 3 visits, twice preached the same, slightly adapted, sermon with the same dreary anecdote about how wonderful the crystal cathedral in California was. Somehow the forming of the congregation there was the work of God but it all falling apart when the personality cult collapsed wasn't a sign that maybe God wasn't that involved after all. Couldn't really fathom why he thought it was so great.
Posts: 2933 | From: Hebrides | Registered: Apr 2012
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Urfshyne
Shipmate
# 17834
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Posted
We had a church leader, many years ago, who preached against ministers getting drunk on communion wine - at an ecumenical service! Afterwards several of us went around the congregation apologising to visitors from the other churches.
To be fair, the leader concerned had suffered a difficult childhood with alcoholic parents, and this had obviously coloured his views.
Urf
Posts: 98 | From: Maidenhead - lost | Registered: Sep 2013
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mrs whibley
Shipmate
# 4798
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Posted
At a previous church we had an extremely well-attended candlelight Christmas Eve early evening service. One year the minister preached on the observation that some of the congregation there didn't seem to darken the doors of the church for the rest of the year. Essentially this came across as 'why do you bother?' This happened to be the first service mr whibley had attended for a couple of years - and strangely enough it took another couple of years and a house/church move before he bothered again!
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I long for a faith that is gloriously treacherous - Mike Yaconelli
Posts: 942 | From: North Lincolnshire | Registered: Aug 2003
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Kitten
Shipmate
# 1179
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Posted
Two examples from the Christmas season:
A few years ago a trainee local preacher said that the fact that purple and silver Christmas decorations were factional instead of the traditional red and green was a sign that the country had become less Christian
Then the following year, the superintendent minister said that it was the fault of Cadburys that people did not observe The start of Advent properly
I had a 'frank and open' discussion with both of them after the service
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Maius intra qua extra
Never accept a ride from a stranger, unless they are in a big blue box
Posts: 2330 | From: Carmarthenshire | Registered: Aug 2001
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Kitten
Shipmate
# 1179
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Posted
Sorry, that should read fashionable, not factional
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Maius intra qua extra
Never accept a ride from a stranger, unless they are in a big blue box
Posts: 2330 | From: Carmarthenshire | Registered: Aug 2001
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Stercus Tauri
Shipmate
# 16668
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Posted
I know a minister (not our own) who makes stuff up. That's OK - as George MacLeod said, we need the truth, not just facts, and there's no lesson that beats a good story. However, one Remembrance Day, he said that a certain veteran was visiting because his own minister ignored the occasion. I knew that was untrue, because the other minister is a friend and I know what she does for Remembrance Day. My Dear Wife, who is as honest as the day is long, mentioned this to the aforementioned minister, who told her that Satan had possessed her. On a bad day, it's hard to tell the difference between him and the south end of a northbound donkey.
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Thay haif said. Quhat say thay, Lat thame say (George Keith, 5th Earl Marischal)
Posts: 905 | From: On the traditional lands of the Six Nations. | Registered: Sep 2011
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Margaret
Shipmate
# 283
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Posted
"Being a Christian is always fun." I wasn't there myself when the vicar of the church we used to go to uttered this gem in the middle of a sermon, but my husband was, and wrote it down because he couldn't quite believe it had been said.
Posts: 2456 | From: West Midlands UK | Registered: May 2001
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
The new vicar at a rural church on the borders of Kent and Sussex said from the pulpit at his first service that he didn't want to look down and see a congregation of old people. So the next week he didn't.
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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mrs whibley
Shipmate
# 4798
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Penny S:
The new vicar at a rural church on the borders of Kent and Sussex said from the pulpit at his first service that he didn't want to look down and see a congregation of old people. So the next week he didn't.
![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif) Although I hope someone helped them with transport to a friendlier place, rather than them just be abandoned.
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I long for a faith that is gloriously treacherous - Mike Yaconelli
Posts: 942 | From: North Lincolnshire | Registered: Aug 2003
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roybart
Shipmate
# 17357
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Posted
A fascinating topic. We really DO have to be careful about what we let slip through our lips.
Long ago, in pre-Vatican II days, I was a student at a fairly elite secular college in rural New England. The pastor of the local RC church -- and also the RC chaplain at the college, for lack of anyone else -- was noted for his loathing for the kinds of students who did not go to Catholic universities. On one occasion, I confided in him that I was having doubts about papal infallibility. Without pausing for breath, and with the steam almost visibly pouring from his ears, he shouted that he had not devoted his life to the priesthood just to to have to listen to privileged young people questioning the teachings of Holy Mother Church. I remember rising from my chair (with dignity, I hope), thanking him, and not returning to any church for many years.
This priest's sermons concentrated heavily on Sin -- the most serious of which seemed to be (a) sexual misbehavior and (b) lack of generosity when the collection plate was passed. I recall vividly his jeremiads against thsoe who would not enter the church parking lot correctly: "You go IN the north entrance and OUT the south entrance."
Looking back I realize that this unfortunate man was seriously out of his depth in this particular job, and that discomfort and insecurity had led to a kind of madness.
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"The consolations of the imaginary are not imaginary consolations."
-- Roger Scruton
Posts: 547 | From: here | Registered: Sep 2012
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Eutychus
From the edge
# 3081
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by mrs whibley:
Although I hope someone helped them with transport to a friendlier place, rather than them just be abandoned.
Heaven?
![[Two face]](graemlins/scot_twoface.gif)
I remember as a child hearing a preacher explaining in great detail how makeup was worldly because the word "cosmetics" came from the Greek word "cosmos" which meant "world".
It's probably why I went into translation.
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Let's remember that we are to build the Kingdom of God, not drive people away - pastor Frank Pomeroy
Posts: 17944 | From: 528491 | Registered: Jul 2002
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Graven Image
Shipmate
# 8755
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Posted
When I was a correctional chaplain I was off work on Sundays and I had local pastors who volunteered to lead services in the jail. The inmates often reported to me on Monday morning on what the visiting pastors had said. The following are a few of the remarks that upset those who were incarcerated, and made sure I never invited the pastor to return.
" Now I want you all to bow your heads and pray with me that George Bush will be elected president of the United States, because we all know he is a Godly man."
" The reason your baby died is because of your sins"
" If women would just be submissive to their husbands like the Bible says, men would not have to beat them."
" The reason God has not answered your prayers is because of your lack of faith. When you have more faith then God will listen to you. "
And my all time favorite, " You should not pay any attention to the Chaplain, she has no right to be ministering to you men, she is not under the headship of a male and has no Biblical authority to preach or teach. "
Sorry to report the list goes on.
Posts: 2641 | From: Third planet from the sun. USA | Registered: Nov 2004
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roybart
Shipmate
# 17357
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Posted
Thinking about these stories, it seems that messages like this (whether coming from insensitivity, ignorance, hard-heartedness, or outright lunacy) could be thought of as a kind of a anti-Evangelism, shutting peoples ears and driving them away.
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"The consolations of the imaginary are not imaginary consolations."
-- Roger Scruton
Posts: 547 | From: here | Registered: Sep 2012
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Palimpsest
Shipmate
# 16772
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by roybart:
Thinking about these stories, it seems that messages like this (whether coming from insensitivity, ignorance, hard-heartedness, or outright lunacy) could be thought of as a kind of a anti-Evangelism, shutting peoples ears and driving them away.
Unless the pastor and the congregation are a matched set.
Posts: 2990 | From: Seattle WA. US | Registered: Nov 2011
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art dunce
Shipmate
# 9258
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Posted
I was at Trinity Cathedral in Portland, Or a couple of years ago on Christmas Eve and the rector delivered a rambling sermon to a packed house of velvet clad west siders that inexplicably turned from quantum physics to shepherds having sex with their animals. I kid you not. My son leaned over and asked me what the heck he was talking about.
The worst though was when I was a child and my mother, brother and I attended the neighborhood Baptist church (my father was Catholic and took us only periodically) until one day when my mother finally left my father for being abusive. The pastor explained that my brother and I were still welcome and they would find us a ride! but my mother was no longer welcomed. During a horrible, frightening, lost and lonely moment in her life. I didn't go back to any church for years.
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Ego is not your amigo.
Posts: 1283 | From: in the studio | Registered: Apr 2005
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Trudy Scrumptious
BBE Shieldmaiden
# 5647
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Posted
Things said during children's story or children's sermonette ought to have a category of their own. A couple of weeks ago a man in our congregation had the children's story and decided to introduce the children to the text that says "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live" coupled with a lengthy ramble about how sometimes people will tell you witches are just pretend, but they're really not because they're mentioned in the Bible. Nobody could figure out why he did this, even after he finished the story/sermonette/rant.
My snarky teenager (much too old to go to the front for children's story but still listening with a critical ear) leaned over to me and said, "Do you have to kill your Wiccan friend now?"
So, good take-home learning for everyone that day.
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Books and things.
I lied. There are no things. Just books.
Posts: 7428 | From: Closer to Paris than I am to Vancouver | Registered: Mar 2004
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jedijudy
Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Trudy Scrumptious:
Things said during children's story or children's sermonette ought to have a category of their own.
I totally agree. Christmas Eve should be another one! I'm amazed at all the stories included in this thread. Maybe this should be required reading for potential pastards?
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Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.
Posts: 18017 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001
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Pomona
Shipmate
# 17175
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Penny S:
The new vicar at a rural church on the borders of Kent and Sussex said from the pulpit at his first service that he didn't want to look down and see a congregation of old people. So the next week he didn't.
!
I have a horrible feeling I know the vicar in question. PM me please!
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Consider the work of God: Who is able to straighten what he has bent? [Ecclesiastes 7:13]
Posts: 5319 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2012
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Zacchaeus
Shipmate
# 14454
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by art dunce:
I was at Trinity Cathedral in Portland, Or a couple of years ago on Christmas Eve and the rector delivered a rambling sermon to a packed house of velvet clad west siders that inexplicably turned from quantum physics to shepherds having sex with their animals. I kid you not. My son leaned over and asked me what the heck he was talking about.
The worst though was when I was a child and my mother, brother and I attended the neighborhood Baptist church (my father was Catholic and took us only periodically) until one day when my mother finally left my father for being abusive. The pastor explained that my brother and I were still welcome and they would find us a ride! but my mother was no longer welcomed. During a horrible, frightening, lost and lonely moment in her life. I didn't go back to any church for years.
The pastor of my grandmother's church refused to come to my dying grandfather because 'he was not a believer'.. (ie did not attend his church) the CofE vicar did come and the family never returned to their original church
Posts: 1905 | From: the back of beyond | Registered: Jan 2009
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Zacchaeus
Shipmate
# 14454
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Jade Constable:
quote:
Originally posted by Penny S:
The new vicar at a rural church on the borders of Kent and Sussex said from the pulpit at his first service that he didn't want to look down and see a congregation of old people. So the next week he didn't.
!
I have a horrible feeling I know the vicar in question. PM me please!
I'm now in my mid 50's but on many occasions over the last 10 years I have felt I should
apologise for being in the church as I am too old..
Posts: 1905 | From: the back of beyond | Registered: Jan 2009
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by mrs whibley:
quote:
Originally posted by Penny S:
The new vicar at a rural church on the borders of Kent and Sussex said from the pulpit at his first service that he didn't want to look down and see a congregation of old people. So the next week he didn't.
Although I hope someone helped them with transport to a friendlier place, rather than them just be abandoned.
It was their turning up at another church that revealed this story.
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Pearl B4 Swine
Ship's Oyster-Shucker
# 11451
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Posted
Do you know the fun song that goes
- There was a farmer had a dog, and Bingo was his name-O. B-I-N-G-O (3x), and Bingo was his name-O
The pastor had written some doggerel 'religious' verses to that, and sat down on the floor to do his entertaining song to the kids gathered around. He said "you kids can join in the last part, I'm sure you know it!" He started up.... and got to the refrain: J-E-S-I-S, J-E-S-I-S, J-E-S-I-S and Jesus was his name-o. The song went on while the kids snickered and giggled. He thought it was a success, as the kids were having such a great time.
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Oinkster
"I do a good job and I know how to do this stuff" D. Trump (speaking of the POTUS job)
Posts: 3622 | From: The Keystone State | Registered: May 2006
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Anglo Catholic Relict
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# 17213
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Posted
Not really a Pastard; a very well meaning and earnest preacher to a Thursday morning Eucharist congregation berated us all soundly for 20 minutes for being 'Sunday Christians', and simply did not realise the inappropriateness of that particular message to that particular congregation.
Posts: 585 | Registered: Jul 2012
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Drifting Star
Drifting against the wind
# 12799
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Posted
I knew one who got his wife to counsel a woman who had just found she couldn't have children (because this was Women's Stuff™ ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif) ).
The wife said to her, 'Oh, you must have children, or you'll never know what love is.'
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The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Heraclitus
Posts: 3126 | From: A thin place. | Registered: Jul 2007
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Anglo Catholic Relict
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# 17213
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Posted
I ought to mention services in Happy Town; I am sure we have all known them. Where every Mothering Sunday the only possible kind of mother is good and loving and stays at home with her children. When at Christmas everyone gets lots of presents and nobody ever sits at home alone.
In Happy Town there is so much denial going on, that nobody ever dares admit to being unhappy or depressed, or to having marital problems; cheerful is the order of the day; every day.
Happy Town is a lovely place to visit, but very unreal, and I would not really want to live there. Last time I visited at Christmas the sermon was; 'my favourite Christmas cards from this year and last', together with said cards held up for all to see and admire.
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ChaliceGirl
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# 13656
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Posted
Shit pastors say? Just google Pat Robertson. 'Nuff said!
[ 25. November 2013, 17:57: Message edited by: ChaliceGirl ]
Posts: 710 | From: Philadelphia, PA, USA | Registered: Apr 2008
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Stercus Tauri
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# 16668
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Posted
A few years ago we were at the funeral of a young friend who had died in an accident. As a teenager he had had a son who was by then about 9 years old. The sermon (by a retired minister who just did funerals) was addressed directly to the child, and was entirely on the raising of Lazarus. It was not a habitually church-going crowd, and looking at the urn on the table, I am sure a good number of people were thinking, "Now what?"
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Thay haif said. Quhat say thay, Lat thame say (George Keith, 5th Earl Marischal)
Posts: 905 | From: On the traditional lands of the Six Nations. | Registered: Sep 2011
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