Thread: Dealing with Chronic Anxiety Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.


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Posted by Squirrel (# 3040) on :
 
I'd like to hear from other Shipmates who are or have been dealing with long-term anxiety issues.

In my case I get spells of it that often last for months. I've gotten chest pains, stomach aches and plenty of the good ol' Heebie-Jeebies. My doctor has prescribed drugs, which help, but I'd like to be able to rely upon these as little as possible.

What has helped you deal with your anxiety? Please post, or reply via PM. Thanks.
 
Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
That's me. I'll try to get on a real keyboard in the morning. Interested to see what I can learn!
 
Posted by Ian Climacus (# 944) on :
 
Me too. Hope 2014 is a less-anxious year for all.

I found seeing a psychologist and talking, as well as learning various techniques helped: some work for me [I found ACT the most helpful but your mileage will vary...], some don't, and in the midst of extreme anxiety I curl up and let it pass as no amount of technique application helps me. Distraction [TV, reading, walking...mindfulness] does wonders for minor anxiety for me.

I'm also on various medications.

I'm probably at a point where it is controlling me more than I it currently, so I will say no more for now -- but look forward to seeing what helps others.
 
Posted by comet (# 10353) on :
 
yep, that's me. most of my adult life but worst in the last few years.

I get freaky about certain stuff. answering phones and opening email, honestly. and big groups I'm not well acquainted with. the biggest problem for me is when it gets ahold of me, and I don't manage to diffuse it, it turns into a crazy uncontrollable rage. like I'm the incredible hulk. I've managed to terrify people who won't talk to me any more. it sucks.

meds do nothing. Kava helps a little. as does booze, but I try not to use that much. mostly mad-crazy bursts of exercise and daily yoga and meditation. I'd be lost without it.

I also almost never answer my phone.
 
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Answering my phone isn't TOO big a problem but making calls, even to people I know well, can be a real challenge; I can put it off for days!

Groups of strangers likewise and yet I used to be a staff trainer but I think that having a defined role there made a big difference.
 
Posted by Jengie Jon (# 273) on :
 
Almost twenty years with an anxiety diagnosis here (that is just how long I have been medicated). A full scale attack has me shaking and shivering but more frequently I get migraines. I also have heaved, collapsed and had repetitive coughing. I also have a chronic individuals.

I am self managing and the GP is just my back stop.

I would not cope without medicine and mine includes painkillers to deal with painful symptoms. However the full regime that keeps it within manageable involves far more than that.

There is no magic bullet, between the lot I get by and achieve a huge amount but I am always aware of what I can not do.

Jengie

*this uses worry patterns of thought directed at an imagined scene. So if I am trying to visualise a house in the wood, I will want to know the following. How far from a stream and what sort of stream, Is there a pond nearby. What happens if it floods. Does the house get its water from there, is there a well or is it on the mains. I have not even got to what the house is made of yet.
 
Posted by Ian Climacus (# 944) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Jengie Jon:

These help me too.

While I am sorry others are going through it, thank you for sharing about the phone/e-mail fears; I thought I was some sort of freak [may still be! [Big Grin] ] as my phone is permanently diverted to voicemail and I can leave e-mails for months. I even missed a friend's wedding -- not sure I could've gone, but I'm sure he'd've appreciated a reply -- because I was too scared to open an e-mail from him for months, and haven't written back since because I now feel like a loser.

I do not feel so alone now; thanks.
 
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
I'm an instant catastrophiser. Much more for the people I care about than for myself. They live in extreme danger the entire time - every plane they take will crash, every time they don't answer their phone they're lying unconscious in a gutter, every twinge they get is the symptom of a deadly disease.

I am actually quite calm and coping when anything does happen - it's suspense, uncertainty not knowing that get to me.
 
Posted by Lothlorien (# 4927) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Firenze:
I'm an instant catastrophiser. Much more for the people I care about than for myself. They live in extreme danger the entire time - every plane they take will crash, every time they don't answer their phone they're lying unconscious in a gutter, every twinge they get is the symptom of a deadly disease.

I am actually quite calm and coping when anything does happen - it's suspense, uncertainty not knowing that get to me.
Yes, years ago I was planning what to wear to the funeral when person concerned walked in door.

I find deep breathing helpful but can only do this alone. Lots of time out to regroup and also meditation.

Yes, Firenze, no one would know about this stuff if they observed calmness and capability in a real crisis.
 
Posted by iamchristianhearmeroar (# 15483) on :
 
This isn't me, but it is a close family member. Interesting Jengie Jon that you mentioned coffee intake - this person drinks a lot of coffee and would always go for coffee over, say, tea, juice or water.
 
Posted by Jengie Jon (# 273) on :
 
Heightened adrenaline level in the blood is part of anxiety but caffeine also raises adrenaline.

Now one thing needs to be said, bodies have different settings for adrenaline and people who normally have high levels of adrenaline actually miss it when it is lowered. It makes them feel sleepy, drugged and have difficulty focussing. The adrenaline rush is part of the reason for the expression "bomb happy". Someone whose adrenaline level is lower than their bodies "happy" level can actually gain pleasure from being in danger and come back on a high.

This is why I monitor coffee intake (some would say avoid it altogether) but for me it allows me to fine tune my medication. However if I spot a slow , but substantial and continuing rise in intake it nearly always time to drop the coffee and drop my medication level. A sudden single day means it is time to find a quiet space, take painkillers and actually sleep off the migraine.

Check also that there is not a secondary reason, when out I will normally drink coffee. I do not tolerate milk very well so tend to avoid it. I can buy reasonable black coffee to drink, but black tea is normally stewed. So when out I tend to drink coffee.

Jengie
 
Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
I’ve tried a lot of things over the years – vitamin supplements, valerian tea, aromatherapy, exercise etc etc. None made any lasting impact and I got used to them very quickly and found they no longer worked. Mindfulness and tracing back the anxiety to its source seem to be the only things that have made any real difference. However, on the occasions where sheer fright kicks in – mercifully much rarer than it used to be – there is nothing to be done except breathe deeply and let it go. The episodes don’t last anywhere near long as they used to – minutes instead of days – but can be complicated by tiredness, caffeine and hormonal upheavals. Caffeine is a real trigger for anxiety (and sleeplessness), and I find even decaff and dark chocolate are enough to get it going unless quantities are quite small. Sugar brings on mood swings so is something else to be careful of.

Overall, I’d say I’ve made progress and life is easier than it used to be. A few years ago, faced with any potentially stressful event, I’d have cut out eating, lost sleep, felt sick with nerves and not been able to focus on anything else. I still worry about some things, but thse days at a less intense level than before. Perhaps for me that’s one of the benefits of menopause, as much as mindfulness, I don’t know, but either way it's a relief to have a let-up.

[ 17. January 2014, 11:36: Message edited by: Ariel ]
 
Posted by Earwig (# 12057) on :
 
Medication. I've been on SSRIs for the last 6 years, and when I last tried coming off them my anxiety levels got crazy about the smallest things. I don't think I can really manage life without meds - it's hard enough when I'm on them.

But I give thanks that I've found meds that work for me and that they allow me to live a fairly normal life.
 
Posted by mark_in_manchester (# 15978) on :
 
Comet said:

quote:
the biggest problem for me is when it gets ahold of me, and I don't manage to diffuse it, it turns into a crazy uncontrollable rage. like I'm the incredible hulk. I've managed to terrify people who won't talk to me any more. it sucks.
I thought I had an anger problem, but low level anxiety is always around and generally precedes rage for me, too. I don't drink anymore at home; though it usually turns off anxiety and diffuses rage, on the odd occasion it just turns off inhibition. Kitchen cupboards take too long to rebuild on even an irregular basis.

I also get email fear - it helps now I'm not working and the volume of the f*ckers is back to something manageable.

I wonder if having once broke under massive stress, body gets leery of even a bit of pressure and starts going 'oh-er' at simple things others find easy. Seems that way to me.

Bad news for me is, keeping head together involves time-consuming meditation, prayer, physical exercise, and in the end the resignation of my career / loss of income. Good news is, kids are not frightened of me, and notice the difference. Still feel like an egotist for pouring all this effort into me, but unless I crack it, I'm too erratic to be much use to anyone else.

Whacky idea of the day - a book called 'the artist's way'. Currently helping to turn down anxiety by treating life as an art project - that is, fun! Just imagine!. And daily meditations at sacredspace.ie are a bit like the running - usually grunt work, but containing hopeful signs of a cumulative impact.

Peace to all
Mark
 
Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
Mindfulness before it was called that, comes to me from by difficult and violent times in my childhood. I learned to go outside and then to camp and then to canoe and ski. If I'm physically exerting and brought into the moment with effort, and also having to pay attention to the natural surroundings, I'm sleeping better, stopping the thoughts, and the anxiety-anger goes away, well mostly, and longer and longer, until I mess up. Best is if I'm away for a week. Having to light a fire to make tea. Looking at the sky wondering about the weather. Feeling the cold or warmth directly. No electric gadgets. It's hard to worry about anything except the immediate world when you're skiiing or canoeing. I have a $2500 sailboat which is also good for this. When the gust comes and the boat heels and might go over, I'm not thinking about anything except sailing.

I learned also that dogs (and cats to a lesser degree) are helpful. You have to go out with a dog, and you have to attend to the dog. And the dog doesn't get the worries, anxiety and anger about things gone past. For me the anxiety will come forth as anger, because it helps me feel more in control. Catching it early and intervening right then as it starts is better for me.

Weird as it may be, I also have a weekend ritual of making bread. I start on Friday and finish on Sunday, every week for about 25 years, using a slow method, they label artisan these days. I do it fireside or on a barbeque also, in a dutch oven. This is incredibly comforting to me.
 
Posted by infinite_monkey (# 11333) on :
 
<pulls up chair, despite feeling very very anxious that it'll make a tiny scraping sound and everyone will be upset that she's joining them.>

I have chronic, low-level anxiety, mostly social. Learning to recognize it over time has been helpful--I'm working on just checking in with my thoughts and my body, and when I realize that I am feeling more anxious than, objectively speaking, a given situation warrants, I try to remind myself, gently, "I'm anxious right now. More, really, than I need to be. That's something I do. It'll dissipate in time." Honestly, I've found no real way to turn off some of the more problematic symptoms--dry-heaving every morning when I'm under stress, for example. They're there, and they go away, and I can keep them from getting truly impossible but I can't will myself to not, say, do the dry- heaving.

Reading Scott Stossel's first-person account, and the reader response piece This is Anxiety was tremendously helpful to me in realizing that many, many people share my struggles, and some carry much bigger crosses than I do with this. Being real about my challenges with others who also have them has been beneficial as well--only with a small number of people who have earned my trust, though.

It's helpful for me also to read what Shipmates are saying in this thread--thanks for it.
 
Posted by Squirrel (# 3040) on :
 
A lot of my current anxiety is exacerbated by family issues- especially the care of my elderly father. Although we do what we can for him (which isn't always easy, since he's very negative and drinks heavily), some of us are beset by guilt for "not doing more."

My shrink gives me Klonopin, which I take only when needed, and Buspar, the effectiveness of which I'm only beginning to feel.

I'm trying a shotgun approach. Tonight I got a deep tissue massage. Downloaded some meditation music (Tibetan stuff) for my iPod. Sunday night I'm checking out a meditation class, since I'm lousy at doing that on my own.

Cognac helps, but with the history of alcoholism in my family I have to be careful.

What types of prayer do you folks find helpful?
 
Posted by comet (# 10353) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Welease Woderwick:
Answering my phone isn't TOO big a problem but making calls, even to people I know well, can be a real challenge; I can put it off for days!

Groups of strangers likewise and yet I used to be a staff trainer but I think that having a defined role there made a big difference.
The role part is huge. I can bartend is a crazy crowded loud bar, no problem. But I can't be a patron in one.

I'm terrified stringing sentences on the phone, but I can bare my soul on stage in front of hundreds of people.
 
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Wow, there are others!

The noise thing-- if I am in a room full of boisterous kids, I am totally zen, but random noises I can't identify send me into a panic, even if they are soft. (Especially in the family home-- there were too many reasons I had to actively listen for safety cues in the family home, I'm so hyper vigilant when at home it hurts.)

And I am actually more comfortable with speaking in front of a crowd than in a group-- it think that has to do with being relieved that I am in a space where there is less likelihood that I will be overtalked or interrupted.
 
Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by no prophet:
... Weird as it may be, I also have a weekend ritual of making bread ...
That doesn't sound the least bit weird to me; just the smell of baking bread is conducive to a feeling of well-being, and that combined with the feeling of achievement that you've done it yourself* can only be a Good Thing. Not being a sufferer of chronic anxiety in the sense that most of the posters here are, I can't vouch for its actual anxiety-busting attributes, but I'd certainly say it was therapeutic.

* I get that feeling even though I cheat by using a bread-making machine. [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
The most consistant get out of Hell technique I can think of for myself is singing a cherished song. Even if only in my own head. Anything, it just has to be something I really like.


Sometimes when I am flipping out about something a song will spontaneously "play" in my head-- only fairly recently has it occured to me that the random song generation is a form of self-soothing, and I should jump on what my subconscious is offering. Couple days a bout of Job search worrying was interrupted by the theme from "Welcome Back, Kotter." [Big Grin]

My return to school made me discover something exciting-- when I do math problems, whatever anxiety I am experiencing and the noise sensitivity are considerably reduced. Even after I stop working the problems.
 
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on :
 
I was born anxious. As a child I had what is now called 'selective mutism'. It used to be called 'elective mutism', meaning it was a chosen state. It is now recognised as a severe social anxiety problem typically manifesting in social situations outside the immediate family. These days a child with this problem would receive professional help. When I was a child there was no help and I was treated with mockery and criticism. Like most such children I grew out of it, to a degree, in that I learned to speak and to cope with life as a somewhat withdrawn and 'shy' person. I learned to read very early and found relief from anxiety in books.

In adult life I've done a lot of public speaking, as a teacher and as a lay preacher. I now have no anxiety at all about speaking in public - so long as I feel well prepared for what I say. Being well prepared usually involves prior reading, thinking and often discussion.

These days I still find relief from anxiety in books and also in cryptic crosswords and other word puzzles.

[ 18. January 2014, 07:16: Message edited by: justlooking ]
 
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
I used to work with a kid who-- well she wasn't shy at all, she just didn't like to talk. She would bound up to me in the morning and grin at me. Her mom would scold,"Say hello, for goodness sake!" and I would say,"She did, she 'looked' hello." [Big Grin] Not sure if some form of anxiety was at work here, but I didn't understand why the other adults had such a problem with her preference to be quiet.

I worked with another little girl who pretty much refused to talk to adults-- unless necessity absolutely dictated it-- but would chatter away with other kids.

Back to anxiety-- I have struggled with dissociation a lot. Particularly when I am faced with angry shouting, or when I'm in a situation that provokes shame. People frequently complain that I shut down, and presume it is some form of punishment or sulking; I have tried to explain-- not with a lot of success-- that it is a physical shut down--I don't stop speaking because I don't want to speak, I stop speaking because I can't. Everything just goes numb.

Sadly, the tendency of the shouting type (at least, in my sphere of experience) is to try to combat dissociation by shouting louder, to snap the person out of it. It only drives me deeper in my shell.
 
Posted by The Intrepid Mrs S (# 17002) on :
 
I feel a fraud posting here, since I don't qualify as 'chronically anxious' at all. The problem I have is that I don't sleep well, and when I wake in the night I have great difficulty getting back to sleep. Prayer doesn't seem to help, because I simply dredge out all my worries to pray about!

What does help is my iPod - not music but audio books. The voice in my ear seems to cut into my anxiety circuits and lull me back to sleep, but it has to be reading me something I already know well so I don't struggle to stay awake to find out what happens next. Early Terry Pratchett is ideal, nothing even slightly distressing.

If I go to sleep, that's good. If not, I at least have something pleasant to listen to instead of worrying. YMMV of course, but it might be worth a try...

The Insomniac Mrs. S
 
Posted by Late Paul (# 37) on :
 
I've just finished a course of CBT for depression and anxiety. It has really helped with the former. The anxiety has lessened but that's partly due to not having had to do any of the things that make me really anxious lately.

Exercise helps. I plan to try meditation also.

It's odd to read this thread and see so many names of people who I think of as "together" and much much more confident than myself. I guess that's the way it works sometimes.
 
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
After I returned to work after my penultimate, and fairly minor, crack up a long time colleague said to me "I've always thought of you as one of the most together people I know." We'd worked closely together several times over the past quarter century.

It's like the swan looks so serene there on the river but underneath s/he is paddling like heck to stop getting washed over the falls!
 
Posted by Meg the Red (# 11838) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Late Paul:

It's odd to read this thread and see so many names of people who I think of as "together" and much much more confident than myself. I guess that's the way it works sometimes.
It is odd, but very comforting somehow. Not that I'd wish anxiety on anyone, but given that it's so isolating it really helps to know one isn't alone.

Working in a children's mental health agency was very illuminating; had I been assessed by current standards when I was a child, I think I'd have been diagnosed with a fairly severe anxiety disorder. I developed migraines at the age of three, which persisted for the next twenty years. I think they were caused by stress, but were also and a way of dealing with it, as they only disappeared when I slept for at least 12 hours in complete quiet and darkness.

I hate phones with a passion, which is ironic as my work involves so much phone time - as several of you have previously observed, roles make all the difference. I know I've lost friends because I'd rather chew broken glass than pick up the phone to chat. Email and texting have been a huge boon for me, though they're not completely stress-free.

Outdoor exercise helps, big time; I didn't know how much of an impact it had until this winter, when a hip injury has prevented me from getting outside to ski and snowshoe. Seriously, 10 minutes in the park tromping through the trees and making snow angels keeps me calmer for days. I miss it so much [Waterworks]
 
Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
I think like justlooking I was born anxious too "What the heck's going to happen to me now?" and have had some counselling, read some self help books and am just learning about meditation and its benefits so thanks to Mark for his comments on that. Every day is fraught with potential disaster, every illness potentially fatal, every journey has a potential accident. Given what I live with every day I think it's quite an achievement that I have a relatively normal, if unadventurous, life.

I appreciate everyone's honesty here and it's good to feel I'm not alone. [Smile]
 
Posted by Ian Climacus (# 944) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Squirrel:
What types of prayer do you folks find helpful?
Certain psalms come back to me and I find reading them gives expression to my anxiety, even though it may not calm me down completely; giving voice to the thoughts and echoing the words that have been prayed/sung/spoken over the years does bring some comfort and peace though.

Psalms 3, 88 [87 Orthodox numbering] and 143 [142] are constant in my mind; they are 3 of the 6 Psalms assigned for the morning and are helpful for me. Perhaps they may be a bit depression-eriented also, but in times of anxiety I use them.
 
Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
I've just read Poe's Heart and the Mountain Climber by Richard Restak, all about anxiety, and tons of what you are saying is in there. I'm learning, I'm learning!

Thank God because I'm fairly sure all three of us in my family are anxiety disordered. (feel like crap for having passed that along to my son, poor kid. They say it's the amygdala or something?)

Mine started with depression at age three, but anxiety has been there for as long as I can remember, and is probably the bigger component most of the time. I always put it down to living with an alcoholic parent, though. But it's still there, and now it's complicated by having PTSD on top of it (feh) and some ongoing sucky situations in my daily life that keep me on the edge. Two years ago I panicked myself into a near blackout and ER visit. It turned out to be only a panic attack, though the staff was tactful and called it "dehydration" instead. [Hot and Hormonal]

Just today we took a huge step--well, Mr Lamb took a huge step, I chivvied him into it because I was too terrified to do it myself. We (he) called an old friend we haven't talked to in over a year. I hate hate HATE doing that because I'm absolutely certain I'll call up only to be told the person has died, AND that I'm a shithead for not having kept in touch and known about it. I told Mr. Lamb this and he looked at me strangely. But then, he's the one about to break down from having LL off to weekend Scout camp on his own for the first time. [Hot and Hormonal]

LL tics when he's anxious, which is really rotten when you're in middle school and it's all about fitting in. And he's anxious all the time, and needs constant reassurance. We've started calling it the "yappy chihuahua" because it scares the crap out of you, but it isn't really dangerous.

Several years ago we were at a picnic in somebody's backyard. It was one of those long backyards bordered with chainlink fencing on either side, and that almost completely covered with ivy. We had brought Mouse the chihuahua with us, and he was tethered to an apple tree.

What we didn't realize was that there were two BIG DOGS on either side of us, in their own backyards. Soon there was a perfect barkfest going on, and we could barely hear ourselves think. Mouse sounded like he was out for blood.

Then one of the big dogs fell silent. Mouse kept barking. The other dog fell silent. Mouse kept barking, absolutely convinced he had cowed the other two into submission. Hail the victor!

Being taller and able to see over the fences, we realized what had happened--each big dog had finally found a way to nose through the ivy and get a glimpse of Mouse. And they said to themselves, "What? I've been barking at a bloody squirrel!"

It's really hard for me to see through the fence and tell whether what's barking at me is a squirrel or not.
 
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Late Paul:
[

It's odd to read this thread and see so many names of people who I think of as "together" and much much more confident than myself. I guess that's the way it works sometimes.
I had the same reaction [Big Grin]

But I feel a lot more comfortable around people who admit they are struggling than people who act like they have all the answers.
ETA: Lamb Chopped, love the dog story!

[ 19. January 2014, 03:39: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
 
Posted by Evensong (# 14696) on :
 
My man had a something of a nervous breakdown last year. He had panic attacks and was very much not himself. It was the first time I got up close and personal to this kind of illness.

The main thing that used to help him was to talk. We talked for hours and hours and hours and omg even more hours.

Some of you have mentioned meditation. May I ask what sort?
 
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
I say the rosary, sometimes. With an actual rosary in my hands. I feel the element of something tangible in my hands bringing me out of my head helps.

I have played around with Lectio Divina, but it really makes me lose track of time.

Someone who lets you talk it out? Indescribable blessing.

[ 19. January 2014, 05:26: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
 
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
I am part way through An Astronaut's Guide to Life on Earth by Chris Hadfield. He says he is scared of heights. What helps him not be anxious is being prepared for things, thinking through the worst possible cases and working out how to deal with them, planning and practising responses. It's part of the way they work at NASA.

There's a whole lot more, but it's turning a lot of the normal advice on its head, and it makes sense. I might suggest we read it as a Ship bookclub book when it comes out in paperback.
 
Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Evensong:
Some of you have mentioned meditation. May I ask what sort?
The awareness/mindfulness/contemplative prayer sort. I've read some Thomas Keating and am now partway through Martin Laird's second book on the subject, "A Sunlit Absence" (his first being "Into the Silent Land"). I apologise for not providing links, I have never been successful with that when posting from the tablet device which is all I have to hand at the moment. [Hot and Hormonal]

I have to admit I'm much better at reading about meditation than I am at actually doing it. [Roll Eyes]
 
Posted by Jengie Jon (# 273) on :
 
I have mentioned meditation. It is part of my prayer time and is a slow build. I split it into three different phases, first is controlled breath and also a meditation on the Trinity, second is simply praying the Jesus Prayer as a mantra and the third is watching the breath and my thoughts (longest) and offering what occurs regardless to God. The first is quite a busy meditation; the last a still one but I could not do the last if I had not done the first as I am slowly stepping myself into a quieter state.

I have used mindfulness body scans in the past and they too are useful.

Jengie

[ 19. January 2014, 12:18: Message edited by: Jengie Jon ]
 
Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
Mindfulness is useful when you're actually stuck in a morass of worry. You can ask yourself: "what am I worried about" and I found it helpful to trace it back from there to what it was really actually about: some kind of loss and fear of not being able to cope can often be at the root of it. Sometimes these may be directly related to specific incidents in the past, which you may have entirely forgotten about.

One thing that mindfulness tries to address is that people can and do suffer from survival patterns that were useful at the time, but which aren't needed now, yet are still active and working. The subconscious doesn't have much sense of time: everything is still here-and-now.

Meditation is also useful. It needs to be done daily for long-term beneficial effects. The morning commute can be a useful space for some people, and if anyone's interested, Pray As You Go has downloadable MP3 files which are a short mixture of prayer, meditation and sacred music which are quite good to listen to on your journey: calming and food for thought. (Devised by people who have links with Sacred Space.)
 
Posted by comet (# 10353) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Evensong:
My man had a something of a nervous breakdown last year. He had panic attacks and was very much not himself. It was the first time I got up close and personal to this kind of illness.

The main thing that used to help him was to talk. We talked for hours and hours and hours and omg even more hours.

Some of you have mentioned meditation. May I ask what sort?
Mine is based on yoga pranayama and metta meditation. ("metta" meaning loving-kindness) i find that my monkeymind is in way too much control if I don't have breathing exercizes and a focus for my thoughts when I start out. I'll often go through the metta process and then am wound down enough to truly let my thoughts go.

That's where the good things happen.

I usually have a morning meditation (still in bed) that lasts all of 5 minutes, and repeat throughout the day as necessary for sanity. I also aim for a 30-60 minute concentrated effort where I can (usually noonish before I leave for work) and during this time I play Thich Nhat Hanh's "plum village meditations" (90 minutes of gongs. It's awesome) while seated on a zafu and will light a candle for focus if I'm extra stressy. I do 15 minutes of yoga to start this out. Goal is every day; reality so far is 2-3 times a week.
 
Posted by mark_in_manchester (# 15978) on :
 
Wow - some serious meditators on here!

I use sacredspace.ie for a daily gospel reading, some ideas and some structure. Maybe I'll look for more than the gospel at some point, but it's good for now.

The whacky artist thing I mentioned suggests starting out with 3 pages of writing down whatever shit is going through your head, as a way of getting rid of it. Writing helps me - it slows me down and stops me getting obsessive or catastrophising, as it might be spelt. Idea is not to read the stuff back - just get it out. I use this to precede bible reading and prayer.

It reminds me of when I used to tutor project students in the lab. Get in there and waste some time measuring shit. Whatever you do you're going to start out wasting time measuring shit, so best get in there soon and get measuring (or, in this case, writing) it.
 
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I haven't written much for a long time but it used to be one of my main ways of coping then once a week I'd meet up with a friend and we'd have half an hour each to get it all out in a emi-formal co-counselling style way.

What also has helped, despite my hating it at the time, is doing a gratitude list - piece of paper and pen and write down all the things for which I am grateful from the basic of a roof over my head and food in my stomach - it can be quite an eye opener; but I have never really found it easy.

It's probably time I had another go - I have a very important milestoney thing coming up this week so I might be pushed...
 
Posted by comet (# 10353) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by mark_in_manchester:

The whacky artist thing I mentioned suggests starting out with 3 pages of writing down whatever shit is going through your head, as a way of getting rid of it. Writing helps me - it slows me down and stops me getting obsessive or catastrophising, as it might be spelt. Idea is not to read the stuff back - just get it out. I use this to precede bible reading and prayer.
forgot to mention before - I began using The Artists' Way back in 1999 or 2000. found it very helpful. I've bought 4 copies over the years because I keep lending it out and never seeing it again. Just bought a new copy a few months ago and I'm considering going through it again as part of my Lenten practice.
 
Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Welease Woderwick:
What also has helped, despite my hating it at the time, is doing a gratitude list - piece of paper and pen and write down all the things for which I am grateful from the basic of a roof over my head and food in my stomach - it can be quite an eye opener; but I have never really found it easy.
The gratitude list was one of the things I picked up from something I was reading somewhere: the idea that every night before you fall asleep you think of five things that you're grateful for. The advice was to do it for three weeks in the first instance. The idea is obvious, it gets you focusing on positive things. (It's also a nicer way to wind down at night than going over something annoying/worrying from earlier in the day.)
 
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
There are a number of people posting three good things every day on their 365 projects.
 
Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
quote:
Originally posted by Welease Woderwick:
What also has helped, despite my hating it at the time, is doing a gratitude list - piece of paper and pen and write down all the things for which I am grateful from the basic of a roof over my head and food in my stomach - it can be quite an eye opener; but I have never really found it easy.
The gratitude list was one of the things I picked up from something I was reading somewhere: the idea that every night before you fall asleep you think of five things that you're grateful for. The advice was to do it for three weeks in the first instance. The idea is obvious, it gets you focusing on positive things. (It's also a nicer way to wind down at night than going over something annoying/worrying from earlier in the day.)
Yes,I think this works well with anxiety, and also a sense of generalised grimness - can't do it well when depression has the upper hand though.
 
Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
Goodness, I used to think I suffered from anxiety - but now I've read this thread I've realised that anything I get is extremely minor compared with what many other people have to live with. Perhaps what I've been labelling as 'anxiety' is just really called 'life', and therefore shouldn't cause me too much worry?

And kudos to all those who have to live daily with real extremes of anxiety - you are all doing so marvellously well, considering what you are going through. [Votive] for you all.
 
Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
Stressing out right now because Mr. Lamb's speech is turning to mush, can't tell whether this is due to increasing deafness (which he refuses to acknowledge) or to (God forbid) incipient Alzheimer's. Catastrophize, moi?
 
Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by The Intrepid Mrs S:
I feel a fraud posting here, since I don't qualify as 'chronically anxious' at all. The problem I have is that I don't sleep well, and when I wake in the night I have great difficulty getting back to sleep. Prayer doesn't seem to help, because I simply dredge out all my worries to pray about!

What does help is my iPod - not music but audio books. The voice in my ear seems to cut into my anxiety circuits and lull me back to sleep, but it has to be reading me something I already know well so I don't struggle to stay awake to find out what happens next. Early Terry Pratchett is ideal, nothing even slightly distressing.
The Insomniac Mrs. S
I discovered books on discs not long after I was raped. Having some of the best actors in the world reading me a bedtime story was really soothing. Silence, when my ears are straining to hear whether the noises are the cat or a mass murderer are really stressful.

Singing works for me too, especially at night - which is why it is good that I live alone.

Huia
 
Posted by Fredegund (# 17952) on :
 
BBC 4 extra has its moments, especially in the wee small hours. Some of it seems to percolate into my dreams, though, which can be seriously confusing.

I find it very comforting that others can struggle with anxiety. Having admired you all from a distance for yours - thank you.
For what it's worth, I live with an uneasy mixture of mindfulness, distraction, medication, and breathing problems when all else fails. Cats are useful, especially when they refuse to move. Being physically stopped from rushing off to attack the problem by a lightweight Burmese is helpful.
Oh, and another one who has problems answering the phone or e-mail. Slight problem, that, when it's work.
 
Posted by mark_in_manchester (# 15978) on :
 
Welcome, Fredegund

quote:
BBC 4 extra has its moments, especially in the wee small hours.
I may have this wrong, but that suggests going to sleep to the strains of 'ooohhh, innee BOLD, Mr 'Orne...'. I'll have to try it - I think that could work for me, too.
 
Posted by Fredegund (# 17952) on :
 
Just don't try it to the Clitheroe Kid.
 
Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
I'll add my welcome, Fredegund - any questions you have should be covered in the FAQ and 10 Commandments links at the top of the page, and each individual board has guidelines of what to expect. Also you might want to say hello on the Welcome Aboard thread pinned at the top of the All Saints board page.

Happy sailing!


Piglet, AS host
 
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on :
 
I've had a problem with anxiety for many years, dating back to my teens, when my mother started suffering with paranoid schizophrenia. Among other things, she used to come into my room at night and shout at me for having the bedclothes over my head (I was scared of the dark). She also used to phone the TV companies at night after my dad had gone to work, accusing them of broadcasting messages about her. As a result, I often have trouble sleeping and I have to wear earplugs, as any noises keep me awake.

Sometimes, when I remember, I try to pray about the things that are troubling me, but this doesn't always help me to calm down. I listen to mindfulness meditations - the body scan is especially helpful.

Mr Bug got me some Sleephones as a Christmas present and they are amazing - it's a soft headband with flat headphones sewn into it and a long audio cable that I plug into my iPod. Much better than trying wear regular earphones.

I've just started working through Paul McKenna's book, Freedon From Emotional Eating. I listen to the hypnosis CD at bedtime, then use a mindfulness recording if I wake during the night. The book also uses a technique called Havening to deal with uncomfortable feelings, which is making a real difference. It's a bit like EFT, but not such a long sequence - it takes about three minutes to run through the routine, so I use it at work when I get stressed. You have to be somewhere private, though, as it involves counting out loud! I use the disabled loo, as I have IBS symptoms during times of stress.

I've found praying through the Prayers of the Faithful thread and asking for prayer very helpful. It's great to be part of such a supportive community.

[ 21. January 2014, 19:01: Message edited by: Starbug ]
 
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
I tell you what, in terms of this discussion, boy do I miss having a pet.
 
Posted by Squirrel (# 3040) on :
 
Starbug, thanks for mentioning the sleep phones. They sound like a great idea, and I'm going to look into them. Kelly, I agree that having a pet is great for people who have anxiety. We have 3 cats, and just having them around is soothing.

Has anyone here had any experience with the drug Buspar?
 
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
The sleephones sound amazing, and Mr. Bug sounds like an absolute prince.
 
Posted by Squirrel (# 3040) on :
 
Just ordered a pair of the headphones. They're not expensive.

Another great "treatment" for anxiety I have found particularly effective is to play music. In my case I'm a bassist in both a blues band and a fairly loud rock group. Although it sounds counterintuitive to say that playing loud hard rock eases anxiety, I find that it has a certain cathartic effect. And the concentration that playing with others requires keeps me from obsessing over stuff.
 
Posted by The Intrepid Mrs S (# 17002) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Squirrel:
Although it sounds counterintuitive to say that playing loud hard rock eases anxiety, I find that it has a certain cathartic effect. And the concentration that playing with others requires keeps me from obsessing over stuff.
I certainly prefer loud music to ease anxiety - I go along with one band 'I'm gonna turn up the volume till I can't even think!'

and tai chi is helpful, because you need to concentrate so hard on what you're doing so you don't fall over (which would rather spoil the effect).

Mrs. S, coveting those sleepphones ...
 
Posted by Heavenly Anarchist (# 13313) on :
 
I've had anxiety for several years, as part of my bipolar disorder. I used to avoid opening emails or answering the phone, find conflict stressful, have terrible insomnia and get palpitations. It has been much better in recent years and I think what has helped is having a firmer routine. My bipolar is managed by pre-planning routines and being in control of social interaction and this has had a knock on effect with my anxiety. I can now check my email several times a day and I even answer the phone occasionally. I still don't like unexpected visitors but I am managing this better (decluttering the house has also helped this, clutter adds to my anxiety, I need order to manage my mental confusion). I am getting very good at letting things go, I tell myself not to pursue thoughts. On the rare occasions I have insomnia now I get up and have a cup of tea and read. I do a long class of yoga once a week and I find this extremely useful too.
Reading through this, I realise just how far I have come in the last few years and a lot of this has been a matter of mentally managing my thought processes and social interactions. I still have constant stream of thought as part of my bipolar disorder but have learnt to accept that dialogue and not let it confuse me. It helps that my job allows me much freedom in planning my time and I usually work from home with little pressure.
 
Posted by Ian Climacus (# 944) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Heavenly Anarchist:
...
My bipolar is managed by pre-planning routines and being in control of social interaction and this has had a knock on effect with my anxiety
....
If I may, could I ask more about this? I have recently been diagnosed with bi-polar [low level though], and I swing from "Yes, let's go out now!" to hiding under the covers and not answering SMSs. How does one go about being in control of social interaction? I feel the anxiety is more at play here and getting a sense of control would be rather nice.

Thanks for sharing and well-done!

I also find it hard as while I am blessed to have good friends, several extended mental health unit hospital stays seem to have them on hyper-alert for any change in my mood [or I perceive it that way]. I tend to give no information or everything, neither of which is good. Has anyone dealt with the communication issue successfully when anxiety hits and you cannot face social events?

[ 22. January 2014, 09:01: Message edited by: Ian Climacus ]
 
Posted by Heavenly Anarchist (# 13313) on :
 
I have mild bipolar. When I was diagnosed over 15 years ago I was spiralling between hypomania and depression, I was getting confused, turning up at my bible study leaders' house when I should be at work, getting on the wrong buses, had huge credit card debts from impulse buying and my social life was hectic. I was on a multitude of rosters at church and had a dynamic success career - I was the youngest H grade nurse in the country according to my boss.
With the support of friends I developed a plan on cutting down my commitments - I learnt to say no. It was very rules driven. I didn't want to lose all my commitments so I was allowed to keep one voluntary post. I was only allowed one dinner party/social occasion a week unless in exceptional cases. My credit cards were cut up and repayment regimes set out. I planned out my week ahead so I would know what to expect, the autonomous role I had at work helped here. I now deliberately pause and consider my thoughts before acting (I try to do this before speaking but am less successful, my husband nudges me to remind me to step back if I start getting hypomanic in social situations). This all helped but probably the most useful thing I did was to leave London for somewhere quieter and with less social pressure (I got married about 2 years after my diagnosis). Over the years I have managed to alter my behaviour by developing good habits and coping mechanisms. I haven't been on lithium for years but wouldn't hesitate to take it if I was out of control again though.
I am blatantly honest about my mental health to people, I think being a nurse helps, I used to have to explain to patients that they were going blind and am very familiar with the challenges of diagnosis and identity. I find this openness helps but understand that it isn't for everyone and that circumstances differ.
 
Posted by Ian Climacus (# 944) on :
 
Thank you Heavenly Anarchist...I can identify with much there, and thank you for sharing on what helped you to get where you are now.

And a big [Overused] to nurses like yourself; you all do a great job and I have had great ones looking after me in times of need.
 
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by The Intrepid Mrs S:


and tai chi is helpful, because you need to concentrate so hard on what you're doing so you don't fall over (which would rather spoil the effect).
I think this is a key to a lot of anxiety reducing practices-- something that forced you to be present, takes you out of yourself.

When I work camera (or technical director) at my volunteer job, I notice I am always in good spirits and have just enough tension to keep alert for the job. I think it is because I can't let my mind wander for a second. My mind wandering is exactly the problem, so anything that prevents that happening is helpful.
 
Posted by infinite_monkey (# 11333) on :
 
I have an extremely challenging job, where it's necessary for me to be ON pretty much all the time. Ironically, my anxiety is highest, not at work, but during periods of prolonged holiday. I think there's a lot to what you've observed, Kelly--when you have something in front of you that takes you out of your own ruminations and puts you as much as possible in the present moment, anxiety doesn't have as much bare skin to sink its teeth into.
 
Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
Motivational posters, especially humourous ones, are a good antidote. This one, for example, although there are plenty of others out there. Perhaps keeping a stock of them available at a quick click of the mouse, to whoosh away some of the worry and tension?
 
Posted by Squirrel (# 3040) on :
 
My doctor suggested yoga. So I took my 56 year old frame to a "gentle yoga" class. The act of bending and twisting myself into all different shapes made me MORE anxious. Ooooooooooommmmmmm
 
Posted by The Intrepid Mrs S (# 17002) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Squirrel:
My doctor suggested yoga. So I took my 56 year old frame to a "gentle yoga" class. The act of bending and twisting myself into all different shapes made me MORE anxious. Ooooooooooommmmmmm
Try t'ai chi, Squirrel, if you can find a class - much less strain on aging joints, but great for improving your balance, proprioception etc.

A propos of the Heaven thread 'I find that strange' you aren't permitted to do t'ai chi barefoot as the Chinese consider it harmful. Socks and/or shoes must be worn.

I do Pilates as well, but t'ai chi is gentler all round!

Mrs. S, following in Lou Reed's footsteps, and I never thought I'd say that! [Killing me]
 
Posted by Taliesin (# 14017) on :
 
Hi, people. I'm just going to mix things up with the hell thread on lunatic relatives...
Yesterday was hell..ish. two sets of parents coming to kids' gig, one kid not entirely well. Being sick. Bug or anxiety? Parents actually behaved ok. But is that only because I put serious emotional energy into balancing them??

I was horribly ill all last term with anxiety that my doc tried to treat as depressive illness, but it's really not.
My 14 year old son displays significant symptoms of anxiety yet his life really isn't that horrible.... this has to be genetic. I've always felt most of my mother's bad/unreasonable/inappropriate behaviour was caused at root by anxiety (so she acts out self comforting strategies with people she feels in authority over - children) but interestingly, just as we got into the concert venue my dad hobbled back out into the night because he felt he might have left the car unlocked. Mum said 'he's always doing that' and I thought a) you kept that quiet for 40 years and b) great,I got a double whammy.
 
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Chorister:
Motivational posters, especially humourous ones, are a good antidote. This one, for example, although there are plenty of others out there. Perhaps keeping a stock of them available at a quick click of the mouse, to whoosh away some of the worry and tension?
Thanks for that one, Chorister. I get very stressed about work and I'm convinced that a big part of it is due to the reason mentioned on that poster!

[ 26. January 2014, 17:37: Message edited by: Starbug ]
 
Posted by Squirrel (# 3040) on :
 
To those who endorsed Sleep Phones, thank you! Got mine in the mail. They're fantastic.
 
Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
Damnably freaked out right now by sudden firing and lack of any direction on what to do next. I may need to retrain for a different field. Money was tight already-- how do i stop freaking out?
 
Posted by chive (# 208) on :
 
A lot of people here have suggested meditation or mindfulness of some type or another. My problem is that they tend to make me much, much more anxious. In fact everything that supposedly improves anxiety along that line makes me worse. Concentrating on my breathing makes me hyperventilate. Trying to empty my mind lets the 'what ifs' take over etc. I have tried many times over the years and it doesn't work for me.

I have found pregabilin the drug fantastic, I went from being unable to leave the house to being back at work in three weeks but when I'm extremely anxious it doesn't work.

Part of my symptoms of severe anxiety are visual and auditory hallucinations which I find very difficult to cope with. I keep telling myself that they're just anxiety but when you can actually hear people threatening you it is quite terrifying.

And I hate these people who equate anxiety with being a wee bit nervous. The difference between a paper cut and an amputation.
 
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Damnably freaked out right now by sudden firing and lack of any direction on what to do next. I may need to retrain for a different field. Money was tight already-- how do i stop freaking out?
Bummer. Also, I imagine, major overload - so many things to worry about at once.

Since my own reactions to that sort of situation are pretty maladaptive, I'm hardly one to advise. Speaking for myself, I'd watch out for any obsessional fixing on one concern - understandable, since it's easier to worry about a specific, than everything. Another thing didn't work was casting any one person as THE support and comfort: that amount of projection usually crashed the relationship.

I think the opposite of that would be to anchor in here and now, and everything that in this moment is OK. Alive and breathing? Check. Family ditto? Check. Coffee available? Check. Once you've established that you have a viable situation for continued existence, move on to Things that can be done. Arrange in a practical and facilitative order eg get dressed before going outside. Work on possible or optional things to do - break those down into implementable tasks.

The idea being, of course, to withdraw from the great screaming void of uncertainties and unknowables and formless terrors into the realm of achievable actions, with the accompanying feelings of control.

[ 05. February 2014, 07:12: Message edited by: Firenze ]
 
Posted by Taliesin (# 14017) on :
 
Brilliant post.

Getting grounded and only looking one step ahead at a time. So hard to remember to do when you're in it, though. Best of luck.
 
Posted by Macrina (# 8807) on :
 
I am not sure I qualify, but then over the last few years I have observed some responses in myself that I know really aren't typical. I am an introvert and I find pressured and unpredictable social situations very difficult to deal with. That's okay though and I am a bit of a flag waver for introverts being people too.

So day to day I seem to function quite well but I do have fairly regular occasions when I am having to deal with a tough situation interpersonally where I go into what I describe as a 'cognitive loop' it's like my brain is trying to find a way to address a difficult interaction with someone and can't find a way out. I just freeze, physically, emotionally and psychologically. And then usually just have to go away until I unfreeze and can process it and decide what to do.

I would rather stick pins in myself than have to explain to someone that they've upset me. I also have a stupidly hard time realising that people have forgiven me and managing to stop apologising. Both of these things I think stem from over anxious/distant parenting styles that I experienced where I've often felt dismissed or blamed for any negative emotions that I've felt or there has never been an attempt to 'talk through' a reconciliation.

So I find any conflict outside of my professional life extremely hard to deal with. I find new situations where I might not know how to behave extremely hard to deal with. This doesn't stop me doing them but boy is it hard.

As an adult, particularly now I work in Mental Health I can identify a lot with the mindfulness techniques people have talked about here. I will write out a situation a lot of the time to try and understand my responses, assess them and try to handle them better next time. So far this is generally successful. I often wish I could go through life constantly one drink over sober though, I think life would be easier then.
 
Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
Mindfulness is a relatively new concept to me but lately I've been thinking about how some of the questions asked by God and Jesus in the Bible could be seen as a call to mindfulness, making us look at the reality of things as they actually are. What have you done? What are you doing here? What's that in your hand? Why are you crying? It's not as though the divine doesn't know the answers to the questions, is it? And sometimes we do too, or we think we do, until we look again at things.

Nen - feeling thoughtful.
 
Posted by Ian Climacus (# 944) on :
 
How did people survive Easter?

I still have not returned to my parish, but I managed to attend a Greek Orthodox Lamentations service -- complete with marching down the main road with candle following Christ's bier with police escort! -- and an Easter Vigil Service with the Anglicans...I cannot face a large and loud Easter Sunday service; even on Friday I walked the streets at time to escape the crowds in the church.

I feel a bit odd as I feel more comfortable wih Great Lent, Holy Week and Holy Friday/Saturday than I do with Easter Sunday. Quiet and small contemplative services do not raise the anxiety levels the more 'joyful' and louder, and well-attended, services do.
 
Posted by EloiseA (# 18029) on :
 
At Easter I try to go to less populous Masses, Ian, and sit at the back or near a window.

Just generally: because anxiety at its worst feels so overwhelming and paralyses my ability to reason or act, I try to hold something, a rosary if possible or even a crumpled tissue or the edge of a desk or table. I also put both my feet down on the floor as firmly as possibly because that helps to ground me. I don’t take deep breaths in case the increase of oxygen makes me dizzy but I slow my breathing a little. If I’m in a public place I find somewhere to sit down, a loo cubicle or quiet corner of a library or restaurant. I turn off the cell phone if I remember because sudden noises are too difficult when I’m in that state.

When I’m saying the rosary (aloud if I’m alone) and moving the beads through my fingers, I imagine that I am being held by Our Lady, as a mother would cradle a child. I stay with the rosary for 15 decades or repeat very simple prayers for at least 40 minutes to an hour if possible. As I calm down, I breathe more deeply and pay attention to the breathing as it goes in and out.

Often I’m still dizzy or spaced out by the anxiety attack (prone to dissociative symptoms), but as soon as I can manage, I have some mouthfuls of cold water and try to exchange a few words with someone nearby, a waitperson or library assistant. Then there’s just the hell of getting home or boarding a flight.

Do others find themselves mumbling aloud after a bad attack of anxiety? Friends tell me they know when I'm anxious because they can see my lips moving and hear this disconnected low rumbling sound.
 
Posted by Charlie-in-the-box (# 17954) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Squirrel:
I'd like to hear from other Shipmates who are or have been dealing with long-term anxiety issues.

In my case I get spells of it that often last for months. I've gotten chest pains, stomach aches and plenty of the good ol' Heebie-Jeebies. My doctor has prescribed drugs, which help, but I'd like to be able to rely upon these as little as possible.

What has helped you deal with your anxiety? Please post, or reply via PM. Thanks.
I suffer with horrible anxiety. I take as little medication as possible due to the risk of addiction, which means I feel like I'm freaking out most of the time. It has made it almost impossible for me to stay in church--I usually end up having to leave.

What has helped is meditation. I can actually be anxiety free. You tube even has some meditations that are free. I hope you find something that helps you too. [Help]
 
Posted by chive (# 208) on :
 
I avoided mass at Easter (somewhat helped by having to work) but now I'm overcome with paralysing guilt and fear that because I didn't attend the Triduum I'm heading straight to hell, no questions asked.

I'm trying to rationalise my way out of this but it is a struggle. I'm telling myself that I couldn't attend the Easter vigil and go to work at 5.30am the next day and that to tie myself in knots about it isn't helpful but all I know is that at the moment I'm so anxious and wibbly that I can't stop shaking and I'm very close to hyperventilation and this is not an option if I'm to be at work in a couple of hours.

I hate anxiety. I hate the randomness of it and I hate the fact that although I can see I'm being irrational and idiotic, I can't stop myself being irrational and idiotic. It frustrates me so much.
 
Posted by Ian Climacus (# 944) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by chive:
I hate anxiety. I hate the randomness of it and I hate the fact that although I can see I'm being irrational and idiotic, I can't stop myself being irrational and idiotic. It frustrates me so much.
This. 1,000 times this. It is so paralysing...and so frustrating.

[Votive] for your feelings of guilt chive; I can but pray you know a sense of peace and know you did what you could and what you had to.


Eloise, I can identify with the escaping to the loo...or a bench outside our church in the garden -- just to get out. Thankfully people tend to wander in and out of churches in Orthodoxy so when I do go to my church I'm not that noticeable [Big Grin] -- even if I think all are staring at me disaprovingly. And I self-talk / mumble after anxiety.

Charlie: good news you've found meditation helps. If only I could sit still long enough!
 
Posted by Jengie Jon (# 273) on :
 
Chive

Can you go to confession? I think a good talk with a father confessor is probably the most therapeutic thing you can do at present.

Jengie
 
Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
Take heart, Chive - I can't imagine that a loving, omniscient God is going to condemn you for not attending church if it's going to make you ill.

[Votive]
 


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