Thread: Messages you don't want to find in a fortune cookie Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.
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Posted by Truman White (# 17290) on
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Inspired by a bit of fun I was having in a Purg thread. You open your cookie, read the text and the last thing you wanted it to say was....
"You just got selected for the hunger games"
"This cookies has been reserved for Roy Keane"
.......
Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on
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"You have a message from LinkedIn"
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
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By opening this fortune cookie you absolve the makers of said fortune cookie of all liability for any food poisoning or other ailments you may contract subsequent to eating this fortune cookie.
Help! I'm trapped in a fortune cookie factory.
Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on
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To quote from the immortal Return of the Pink Panther:
Beware of Japanese waitress bearing fortune cookies.
Not now, Kato!
Posted by Sandemaniac (# 12829) on
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I am a shapeshifting alien cunningly disguised as a piece of paper, and I have just farted.
AG
Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on
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Hello. I want to play a game.
Posted by mr cheesy (# 3330) on
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You were right, she is cheating on you.
Posted by Ariel (# 58) on
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"Best before 30 April 2012."
Posted by mr cheesy (# 3330) on
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These are roulette fortune cookies: we never washed our hands after using the toilet.
Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on
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He knows.
Posted by Timothy the Obscure (# 292) on
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One I actually got:
Your future is in your own hands.
Then what the fuck did I eat a fortune cookie for?
[ 25. November 2015, 05:26: Message edited by: Timothy the Obscure ]
Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on
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In a series of fortune cookies:
"Blink and you're dead"
"Don't turn your back"
"Don't look away"
"And, DON'T BLINK"
"Good luck"
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
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Sorry - we did our best.
Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on
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Remember God does exist. And he hates you.
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
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We're waiting for you.
Actually, you could do an update of MR James' Casting the Runes set in a Chinese restaurant...
Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on
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Stay where you are and no one gets hurt; we are coming for you.
Posted by Jengie jon (# 273) on
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.
Posted by Sandemaniac (# 12829) on
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It's behind you...
AG
Posted by mr cheesy (# 3330) on
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Do you feel lucky, punk?
Posted by mr cheesy (# 3330) on
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I have felt your presents, Luke.
Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on
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Congratulations, you've won a free ticket to "An evening with Jim Davidson in conversation with Paris Hilton"!
Posted by Eutychus (# 3081) on
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Not valid if seal is broken.
Posted by mr cheesy (# 3330) on
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There is no Keyser Söze
Posted by Sandemaniac (# 12829) on
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Untouched by human hand. We use chimps instead.
AG
Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on
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Try not to make him nervous.
Posted by mr cheesy (# 3330) on
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Well done, you have now proven what happens when the cookie crumbles: the world ends.
Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on
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By opening this, you have launched a full scale nuclear attack on China. Well done.
Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on
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The person you came with....they're not human.
Act natural.
Posted by Truman White (# 17290) on
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学习普通话
Posted by mr cheesy (# 3330) on
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For those not versed in Mandarin, that apparently means "Learning Mandarin".
In that vein:
哈哈，你的英语是疯了，如果你觉ô 71;这真的是在中国的事情
(Ha ha, you English-speakers are crazy if you think this is a thing in China). As translated by google.
Posted by Sandemaniac (# 12829) on
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My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!
AG
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
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You had your chance.
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
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Don't drink the tea. Trust me on this one.
Posted by Ramarius (# 16551) on
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Super-glue impregnated paper [sample]
Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on
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You're my wife now!
Posted by TurquoiseTastic (# 8978) on
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REJECTED: Unfit for human consumption - DO NOT SHIP
Posted by LeRoc (# 3216) on
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This message will violently self-destruct in three, two, one …
Posted by Bene Gesserit (# 14718) on
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100% recycled bathroom tissue
Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on
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*YOU* are a prisoner in a fortune cookie factory. Mwahahahaha!
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
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These boxer shorts inspected by #477
Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on
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This item has provided work for the Japanese leper colony.
Posted by David Goode (# 9224) on
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Made from 100% recycled materials by Soylent Corporation.
[ 27. November 2015, 13:42: Message edited by: David Goode ]
Posted by Sandemaniac (# 12829) on
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Tattoo this on your girlfriend's back and every Chinese person who sees it will wet themselves laughing.
Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on
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The one who reads this is cursed. Every piece of music you will ever hear from now on will sound to you exactly like the Crazy Frog ringtone.
Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on
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Congratulations! This is a free pass to a Bruno Mars concert!
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
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The strychnine in the dim sum should be kicking in about now.
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
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Don't eat the cookie part. You won't believe what they put in them. I know. I work here.
Posted by Alex Cockell (# 7487) on
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Trust noone. Keep your laser handy. The Computer is your friend.
Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on
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That wasn't chicken.
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