quote:

---

Originally posted by Lothlorien:
Oooh, lots. I attended a small Brethren group for many years. Occasionally there would be a meeting on Saturday afternoon, then a light meal and another meeting afterwards. On the way, someone had shut the car door on my hand which was rapidly turning nasty shades of purple.

I sat concentrating on whatever helped take the pain away. My husband and I stood close to the end to go downstairs to make the huge pot of tea required. I had not moved for a couple of hours and did not realise my foot and leg had gone quite to sleep. I stood up and promptly fell over.
.

---

Oh dear, that is really funny....I suppose I shouldn't laugh.Although I am. I do hope someone rescued you and brought YOU a cup of tea

 

---

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :
 
I decided that I wanted to become a lay eucharistic minister (LEM) because I was attracted to the ministry of taking the Host to shut-ins. However you can't just do that. There is the small matter of serving during services. Generally a newbie starts training as a crucifer and then moves up to other parts of the job.

So on my first Sunday I was paired with a very experienced laywoman who was good at training. The first thing I was to do was to lead the procession carrying the cross. I was shown how unclasp it from the clamp on the wall and I took it to walk in procession. That sucker was heavy! We processed up to the altar area and I put the cross back in in its holder. The only thing was that reattaching it was something I hadn't practiced but I thought I had it. I walked about three steps away when BAM!!! the thing hit the floor- almost hitting me. I covered my face, whirled around and headed for the vestry, took off my robes, and spent the next twenty minutes in the garden.

Later a veteran LEM told me that she once stumbled and spilled a full chalice of wine in front of the altar. I don't think it was sanctified. But I felt a little better.
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
Well, there was this. More awkward than amusing. Certainly at the time.

I'm sure a trawl through the rest of the Mystery Worshipper archives will reveal more.
 

---

Posted by North East Quine (# 13049) on :
 
Our young children had been watching cartoons on TV one Saturday morning. One of these was "Angela Anaconda" in which Angela's teacher uses long words. One of the words was "scatological" The kids asked what it meant. I told them. At church the following morning the minister used the word eschatological, at which my 3 year old exclaimed, loud enough for most of the church to hear "Mummy! He's talking about POO!"

A narrow miss was when the children were asked what their ideal church would look like. My son said he liked to see mummies in church. This was met with general approval as the sign of a boy who loved his mother. I knew, however, that what he wanted to see in our Presbyterian church was statues of the Virgin and Child.
 

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Posted by Kaplan Corday (# 16119) on :
 
One of my treasured memories is the morning in church when we had a session of passing the microphone around so anyone could describe how God had blessed them that week.

One young woman had had obstetrical problems after the birth of her first child, which meant she had great problems in conceiving again, and that week her gyny had told her that at long last she was finally pregnant.

She regaled us with a long, impassioned description of the whole story, describing how she and her husband had tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and TRIED for so long, all to no avail.

Meanwhile we all sat there trying to look spiritual and supportive, while struggling with the graphic mental images her talk was conjuring up of this couple grimly bonking away, night after night, with determined expressions on their faces, and then barely managing to get up for work the next day because they were all shagged out.

Finally someone couldn't avoid laughing and she, fortunately, realised how her story had come across, and joined in.
 

---

Posted by Snags (# 15351) on :
 
I was leading intercessions at a point in the church's life where we were getting involved with Christians Against Poverty, aka CAP.

As I moved into the section praying "For the work of ... and all those involved in ..." I decided that I'd used the phrase "Christians Against Poverty" too many times, and I should just shorten it to the TLA-said-as-word.

Unfortunately I'd already starting speaking, and my neat, smooth and well-disguised seque from one form to the other led to an earnest prayer "For the work of CRAP and all those involved with it".

Ho hum.
 

---

Posted by Urfshyne (# 17834) on :
 
Many years ago I was leading an open air meeting for the first time on a somewhat windy day. During my Bible reading the pages blew over so, putting the microphone between my knees, I sorted out where I should be in the reading.

Picking up the microphone I said to anybody within hearing, "I'm sorry about that, I am having terrible trouble with the wind this morning."

I then wondered why the rest of the band were falling about with laughter.......
 

---

Posted by St. Gwladys (# 14504) on :
 
A long time ago, our Sunday school used to have their own collection which they would take to the alter during the last hymn. One of the church families had three boys and these 3 were chosen to take the plate up to the alter. All three wanted to hold the plate, with the inevitable consequence when they came to the chancel step. Two of the boys scrabbled for the dropped coins to put them back in the plate, the third was picking up coins and putting them in his pockets. Meanwhile, the congregation was trying not to laugh, the vicar was tiring not to laugh and gripping the altar firmly in an attempt not to laugh, and the boy's mother was disowning them completely.
 

---

Posted by HCH (# 14313) on :
 
Although I was not there, I have been told of the following. My sister and my mother were attending a Christmas program, and it involved small children dressed as sheep with cute little sheep ears. The two of them found this very silly and sat there trying not to laugh out loud.
 

---

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by HCH:
Although I was not there, I have been told of the following. My sister and my mother were attending a Christmas program, and it involved small children dressed as sheep with cute little sheep ears. The two of them found this very silly and sat there trying not to laugh out loud.

---

Wonder if you were at our host church...

We have a five-year-old who had obviously just been told where babies come from, standing in the church entrance dancing and singing "I'm a sperm, I'm a sperm, I'm a sperm!"

In our old parish we had a slanting wooden floor in the nave. The wee ones would go downstairs to nick the billiard balls during service, and then roll them under the pews all the way to the front...
 

---

Posted by Cottontail (# 12234) on :
 
A friend of mine, a new elder, was serving communion for the first time. The church used wee cuppies, and it was the elders' job to take these out to the people sitting in the pews. Wee cuppies are carried in a tray with holes in it, but unusually, this particular tray had no 'bottom' - the cuppies just hung down below.

Friend picks up tray of wee cuppies filled with wine. Friend stumbles going down chancel steps. Friend claps hand to the bottom of the tray to save it. Wee cuppies launch into the air.
 

---

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :
 
I at least got further than that. We distributed and ate the bread, then distributed the cups. At this point I went straight on to the post-communion prayer and announced the final hymn. At this point someone at the back of the church held up his cup and called out, "We haven't drunk it yet".

On another occasion the Deacons serving the wine returned to the Communion Table but I forgot to offer it to them. Just in time one of them said (In a loud stage whisper that would have been heard all over the church): "SERVE US!"



[ 05. August 2016, 16:41: Message edited by: Baptist Trainfan ]
 

---

Posted by cornflower (# 13349) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
I decided that I wanted to become a lay eucharistic minister (LEM) because I was attracted to the ministry of taking the Host to shut-ins. However you can't just do that. There is the small matter of serving during services. Generally a newbie starts training as a crucifer and then moves up to other parts of the job.

So on my first Sunday I was paired with a very experienced laywoman who was good at training. The first thing I was to do was to lead the procession carrying the cross. I was shown how unclasp it from the clamp on the wall and I took it to walk in procession. That sucker was heavy! We processed up to the altar area and I put the cross back in in its holder. The only thing was that reattaching it was something I hadn't practiced but I thought I had it. I walked about three steps away when BAM!!! the thing hit the floor- almost hitting me. I covered my face, whirled around and headed for the vestry, took off my robes, and spent the next twenty minutes in the garden.

Later a veteran LEM told me that she once stumbled and spilled a full chalice of wine in front of the altar. I don't think it was sanctified. But I felt a little better.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
I decided that I wanted to become a lay eucharistic minister (LEM) because I was attracted to the ministry of taking the Host to shut-ins. However you can't just do that. There is the small matter of serving during services. Generally a newbie starts training as a crucifer and then moves up to other parts of the job.

So on my first Sunday I was paired with a very experienced laywoman who was good at training. The first thing I was to do was to lead the procession carrying the cross. I was shown how unclasp it from the clamp on the wall and I took it to walk in procession. That sucker was heavy! We processed up to the altar area and I put the cross back in in its holder. The only thing was that reattaching it was something I hadn't practiced but I thought I had it. I walked about three steps away when BAM!!! the thing hit the floor- almost hitting me. I covered my face, whirled around and headed for the vestry, took off my robes, and spent the next twenty minutes in the garden.

Later a veteran LEM told me that she once stumbled and spilled a full chalice of wine in front of the altar. I don't think it was sanctified. But I felt a little better.

---

Oh no! I wonder who picked it up! There are some people who seem to carry off mishaps with aplomb...but I'm not one of them, I must admit.
What actually would they have had to do if the wine HAD been sanctified...I know in some denoms,maybe all, they have to be very careful in disposing of any unused elements or if some accident occurs. But what if it spilled on a carpet?
The responsibility! I must admit that the older I get, the less responsibility I would like to take on - I have a horrible feeling that I would be the one in the parable of the Talents who ends up with nothing because I hadn't done anything with what I have...but the problem is, there's so much scope for things going wrong - I know from experience!
 

---

Posted by cornflower (# 13349) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sipech:
Well, there was this. More awkward than amusing. Certainly at the time.

I'm sure a trawl through the rest of the Mystery Worshipper archives will reveal more.

---

Ooh yes, that sort of thing could be quite unnerving for someone of a nervous disposition, especially if they'd not encountered that church style before.
I sometimes wonder how on earth we're all going to fit in with one another in Heaven...we have so many ways of being. Of course, I suppose there won't be any shyness or whatever anymore, but I do sometimes wonder whether there'll have to special areas for, say, tidy people, messy people, loud people, quiet people etc etc. Not that one couldn't intermingle or venture into other people's domains, but perhaps when one got a little tired of the strain of not dropping a crumb on a highly polished table, or of attempting not to leave a muddy footprint on the white shagpile carpet, one could hastily scuttle away to one's own relaxing, not over-tidy or clean area...you know, where there might be a little dust here or there. And conversely, the real neat n' clean people could dash back to the safety of their place. But perhaps nobody would be bothered by anything?

 

---

Posted by cornflower (# 13349) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by North East Quine:
.

A narrow miss was when the children were asked what their ideal church would look like. My son said he liked to see mummies in church. This was met with general approval as the sign of a boy who loved his mother. I knew, however, that what he wanted to see in our Presbyterian church was statues of the Virgin and Child.

---

Haha! I though at first he meant Egyptian mummies
 

---

Posted by cornflower (# 13349) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Urfshyne:
Many years ago I was leading an open air meeting for the first time on a somewhat windy day. During my Bible reading the pages blew over so, putting the microphone between my knees, I sorted out where I should be in the reading.

Picking up the microphone I said to anybody within hearing, "I'm sorry about that, I am having terrible trouble with the wind this morning."

I then wondered why the rest of the band were falling about with laughter.......

---

Hm, similar to that, but not actually in church but in a small music group I played in - I said, oh, I can feel my G String vibrating! Of course, the three other members of the group were all men and looked at me with varying degrees of amusement...SO embarassing. It was just that one of them if I remember correctly was blowing on his clarinet or whatever instrument it was, to sort of warm it up or something, and it resonated with the G string on my instrument.

 

---

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :
 
These are awesome. Thank you all for the health-giving laughter!

In return I'm afraid I have must some verbal stumbles:

1. The deacon is reading the gospel of the Good Samaritan and says, "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among lawyers, who beat and stripped him and left him for dead."

2. The priest is saying the prayer for the blessing of a home, and tells Jesus, "Thou, O Lord, wert baptised in the john by Jordan."
 

---

Posted by cornflower (# 13349) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
.
In our old parish we had a slanting wooden floor in the nave. The wee ones would go downstairs to nick the billiard balls during service, and then roll them under the pews all the way to the front...

---

Iv'e never heard of billiard balls in a church before

 

---

Posted by cornflower (# 13349) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cottontail:
A friend of mine, a new elder, was serving communion for the first time. The church used wee cuppies, and it was the elders' job to take these out to the people sitting in the pews. Wee cuppies are carried in a tray with holes in it, but unusually, this particular tray had no 'bottom' - the cuppies just hung down below.

Friend picks up tray of wee cuppies filled with wine. Friend stumbles going down chancel steps. Friend claps hand to the bottom of the tray to save it. Wee cuppies launch into the air.

---

I have to say, that is hilarious, but it must have been SO embarassing for the poor chap .
Plus, wouldn't small glasses have been better than urine recepticles...?

 

---

Posted by georgiaboy (# 11294) on :
 
Some years ago our cathedral had a rather 'trendy' young-ish dean. Among his bright ideas was a Nativity pageant with live animals. If you are ever tempted to do this -- Don't!
We had a nice assortment of critters, including a llama with incredible eyelashes. However -- there were also several sheep and a ram. The inevitable happened; one of the ewes was 'in season.' And the ram proceeded to perform according to his genes. And this at a rather solemn point in the narration.
The handler was appealed to to 'do something!' His reply was 'Far better to let him finish.'
 

---

Posted by cornflower (# 13349) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:
I at least got further than that. We distributed and ate the bread, then distributed the cups. At this point I went straight on to the post-communion prayer and announced the final hymn. At this point someone at the back of the church held up his cup and called out, "We haven't drunk it yet".

On another occasion the Deacons serving the wine returned to the Communion Table but I forgot to offer it to them. Just in time one of them said (In a loud stage whisper that would have been heard all over the church): "SERVE US!"

---

Yes, actually, Communion can be SO stressful...whenever you go into a different church, you have to try and follow carefully the protocol for that particular place...do you take the bread/wafer in your hand/your mouth? Do the participants pass bread to one another to be broken off, and maybe give a bit of encouragement or prayer? Does one keep a solemn/reverent expression on one's face, or does one beam from ear to ear? And how on earth with those little cups does everyone down it in one go at the same time? It takes me at least two or three sips...lucky I don't choke! One can easily feel like one's queuing up for one's daily dose of cod liver oil. Quite an ordeal!
I wonder sometimes, what it would be like if Jesus was actually there in person, physically I mean, so you could see him. What would we all do? Would we be serious and reverential, would we be smiling our heads off, would we be jumping up and down for joy...or maybe guiltily slinking away ( even though we've already done the confession bit).
I dunno, things can get a bit confusing for me sometimes
 

---

Posted by cornflower (# 13349) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by cornflower:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
.
In our old parish we had a slanting wooden floor in the nave. The wee ones would go downstairs to nick the billiard balls during service, and then roll them under the pews all the way to the front...

---

Iv'e never heard of billiard balls in a church before

---

Oh funny, funny!

 

---

Posted by cornflower (# 13349) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by cornflower:

quote:

---

Originally posted by cornflower:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
.
In our old parish we had a slanting wooden floor in the nave. The wee ones would go downstairs to nick the billiard balls during service, and then roll them under the pews all the way to the front...

---

Iv'e never heard of billiard balls in a church before

---

Oh funny, funny!

---

Tut, that comment I added was for a different post - I don't know why, but sometimes, somehow, the wrong one comes up...not sure I quite have the hang of this
 

---

Posted by cornflower (# 13349) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by georgiaboy:
Some years ago our cathedral had a rather 'trendy' young-ish dean. Among his bright ideas was a Nativity pageant with live animals. If you are ever tempted to do this -- Don't!
We had a nice assortment of critters, including a llama with incredible eyelashes. However -- there were also several sheep and a ram. The inevitable happened; one of the ewes was 'in season.' And the ram proceeded to perform according to his genes. And this at a rather solemn point in the narration.
The handler was appealed to to 'do something!' His reply was 'Far better to let him finish.'

---

You know, sometimes I think God invented us humans because we're like His own personal sitcom or tragicomedy. He probably thinks, why do you humans take yourselves SO seriously. I can imagine Him and the angels rolling round on a Friday night watching reruns of our antics - got the popcorn ready? Then let the show begin. Conversely perhaps He has His head in His hands, hardly able to look with one eye between His fingers....
 

---

Posted by cornflower (# 13349) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by georgiaboy:
Some years ago our cathedral had a rather 'trendy' young-ish dean. Among his bright ideas was a Nativity pageant with live animals. If you are ever tempted to do this -- Don't!
We had a nice assortment of critters, including a llama with incredible eyelashes. However -- there were also several sheep and a ram. The inevitable happened; one of the ewes was 'in season.' And the ram proceeded to perform according to his genes. And this at a rather solemn point in the narration.
The handler was appealed to to 'do something!' His reply was 'Far better to let him finish.'

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by cornflower:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cottontail:
A friend of mine, a new elder, was serving communion for the first time. The church used wee cuppies, and it was the elders' job to take these out to the people sitting in the pews. Wee cuppies are carried in a tray with holes in it, but unusually, this particular tray had no 'bottom' - the cuppies just hung down below.

Friend picks up tray of wee cuppies filled with wine. Friend stumbles going down chancel steps. Friend claps hand to the bottom of the tray to save it. Wee cuppies launch into the air.

---

I have to say, that is hilarious, but it must have been SO embarassing for the poor chap .
Plus, wouldn't small glasses have been better than urine recepticles...?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cottontail:

quote:

---

Originally posted by cornflower:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cottontail:
A friend of mine, a new elder, was serving communion for the first time. The church used wee cuppies, and it was the elders' job to take these out to the people sitting in the pews. Wee cuppies are carried in a tray with holes in it, but unusually, this particular tray had no 'bottom' - the cuppies just hung down below.

Friend picks up tray of wee cuppies filled with wine. Friend stumbles going down chancel steps. Friend claps hand to the bottom of the tray to save it. Wee cuppies launch into the air.

---

I have to say, that is hilarious, but it must have been SO embarassing for the poor chap .
Plus, wouldn't small glasses have been better than urine recepticles...?

---

Poor woman was most embarrassed, yes.

---

Oops, sorry, dunno why I made the assumption it was a man .
 

---

Posted by Cottontail (# 12234) on :
 
No worries, cornflower. Old habits die hard.
She's actually a minister now, so she got over the embarrassment at some point.

- edited for typo.

[ 05. August 2016, 20:56: Message edited by: Cottontail ]
 

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Posted by North East Quine (# 13049) on :
 
Also from the realm of the wee cuppies, at Communion our church used to fasten strips of starched white cloth along the pews with silver clips. (Thus converting the pews into Communion tables thirty feet long by six inches wide.)

Son was fidgeting and managed to make one silver clip ping off and fly about twenty feet, before clattering on the stone floor. The people in the two pews in front instinctively ducked as the clip whizzed over their heads. Most of the congregation knew that something untoward had happened, but not what it was.
 

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Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
Many, many years ago our Rector was kneeling for the Post-Communion prayer. His seat was at the end of the Choir, and he shared a kneeling bench with a couple of the members of the Choir (it was the teenaged girls choir that Sunday). He tried to stand for the Final Blessing, but his cincture had gotten caught under the kneeling bench. He tried inconspicuously to tell the girls who were kneeling on it to release it, but it took some doing before they caught on. He and they and just about everybody else was cracking up by then.
 

---

Posted by cornflower (# 13349) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cottontail:
No worries, cornflower. Old habits die hard.
She's actually a minister now, so she got over the embarrassment at some point.

- edited for typo.

---

 

---

Posted by Aravis (# 13824) on :
 
I've probably posted this before, but it's a story my daughter has never been allowed to forget.
She was about three or four and was sitting next to me during the Eucharistic prayers. It was an 11am service and breakfast had been a long time ago. My stomach rumbled gently and my daughter said in a very loud voice, "Mummy, if you fart, you should say 'Excuse me'."
 

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Posted by Marama (# 330) on :
 
Two moments-

In a high Anglican church in the tropics. Daughter aged about 3, with me at the altar, in the penetrating whisper of small children: "Mummy, Father Api's got no shoes on!"

In a modern UCA church in Australia, a sudden loud shriek from a lady in the middle of the congregation. A mouse had dropped from the ceiling onto her head. It fled!
 

---

Posted by Boogie (# 13538) on :
 
Little Boogie was six years old. Her Dad was the Minister. The church was packed with 400 people, the service being translated into 6 languages. (SOWETO 1960s)

Little Boogie was mauling round on baked mud floor with the other children, as usual, at the front of the church. It was hot, the roof was corrugated iron, the service was very long ...

Little Boogie had an uncomfortable, itchy feeling down below. Felt in her knickers - and produced a foot long worm!

She wasn't worried, she was curious, so she held it up and shouted 'look daddy, look what I found in my knickers!'

....

I was scooped up by a huge lady and taken to her small house, put on a bed and given medicine. I didn't mind this (always being one for enjoying fuss and new experiences) but I was confused about the medicine as I didn't feel poorly at all.
 

---

Posted by Jengie jon (# 273) on :
 
I think I have told before on this board this tale but it is a good one.

At the time I attended a small Methodist Churchon a Sunday evening. Its worship space was a multipurpose hall during the week.

This particular time we had a rather high Methodist preaching and his topic was the sanctity of communion. He kept as a sign of the congregation's reverence indicating what he thought was a rather splendid communion table.

The only thing was that it was a pool table used by a youth group on a Friday covered with a splendid drape so it did not distract from worship.

The communion table if you knew was in plain sight. It was a small side table something similar to this 19th Century one but a lot more battered. They normally had it stored just by the fire exit to the carpark. Needless to say, the congregation was actually the lowest of low Methodists.

The lady I sat beside, a stalwart of the congregation and I were in giggles the whole time.

Jengie

[edited for clarity]

[ 06. August 2016, 10:46: Message edited by: Jengie jon ]
 

---

Posted by cornflower (# 13349) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Marama:
Two moments-

In a high Anglican church in the tropics. Daughter aged about 3, with me at the altar, in the penetrating whisper of small children: "Mummy, Father Api's got no shoes on!"

In a modern UCA church in Australia, a sudden loud shriek from a lady in the middle of the congregation. A mouse had dropped from the ceiling onto her head. It fled!

---

Haha! I'm surprised the lady didn't flee!
 

---

Posted by cornflower (# 13349) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Jengie jon:
I think I have told before on this board this tale but it is a good one.

At the time I attended a small Methodist Churchon a Sunday evening. Its worship space was a multipurpose hall during the week.

This particular time we had a rather high Methodist preaching and his topic was the sanctity of communion. He kept as a sign of the congregation's reverence indicating what he thought was a rather splendid communion table.

The only thing was that it was a pool table used by a youth group on a Friday covered with a splendid drape so it did not distract from worship.

The communion table if you knew was in plain sight. It was a small side table something similar to this 19th Century one but a lot more battered. They normally had it stored just by the fire exit to the carpark. Needless to say, the congregation was actually the lowest of low Methodists.

The lady I sat beside, a stalwart of the congregation and I were in giggles the whole time.

Jengie

[edited for clarity]

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Boogie:
Little Boogie was six years old. Her Dad was the Minister. The church was packed with 400 people, the service being translated into 6 languages. (SOWETO 1960s)

Little Boogie was mauling round on baked mud floor with the other children, as usual, at the front of the church. It was hot, the roof was corrugated iron, the service was very long ...

Little Boogie had an uncomfortable, itchy feeling down below. Felt in her knickers - and produced a foot long worm!

She wasn't worried, she was curious, so she held it up and shouted 'look daddy, look what I found in my knickers!'

....

I was scooped up by a huge lady and taken to her small house, put on a bed and given medicine. I didn't mind this (always being one for enjoying fuss and new experiences) but I was confused about the medicine as I didn't feel poorly at all.

---

I should think that that was at least understandable given those conditions...but can you imagine how much more embarassing that would be if somehow something like that occurred in the middle of a service in some English Cathedral or something! With the Bishop doing confirmations or whatever! The mind boggles
 

---

Posted by Jengie jon (# 273) on :
 
There are very definitely high and low Methodists in the UK. The high Methodist will have weekly communion, an altar rail with people coming forward. The low Methodist service will resemble a Congregationalist service, people served in pews, monthly services at most and little liturgy. Most are somewhere in between.

The origins of the different practices actual stem back to prior to the 1930s merger.

Jengie

[ 06. August 2016, 18:39: Message edited by: Jengie jon ]
 

---

Posted by cornflower (# 13349) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Jengie jon:
There are very definitely high and low Methodists in the UK. The high Methodist will have weekly communion, an altar rail with people coming forward. The low Methodist service will resemble a Congregationalist service, people served in pews, monthly services at most and little liturgy. Most are somewhere in between.

The origins of the different practices actual stem back to prior to the 1930s merger.

Jengie

---

Oh right, thanks for that info . I don't know a lot about Methodism except that I was fascinated by its founder John Wesley and have read a couple of books about him. I have to say, I'm not sure that I'd have gone down too well with him, he seemed to be so self-disciplined...but then, I should think he'd have had to be made of strong stuff to achieve everything that he did, having in effect been kicked out of the CoE, and having to face hostile crowds. And from what I can gather he and his new 'church' had a tremendous transforming affect on whole groups of people at the time
 

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Posted by DonLogan2 (# 15608) on :
 
We have two large sheets of paper, as one was not big enough, for all the funny things said in the church office. Most of it is specific to us and would not seem funny to others but some other bits are really great.

"He comes in here does his business and then just leaves..."
"We should have a Pharisee buzzer!" (for sermons)
"Do you have a ruler in the office?", "Yes, Anne is the ruler of the office!"
 

---

Posted by Sparrow (# 2458) on :
 
Perhaps this doesn't quite belong here but this is what happened to me at church this morning. It's a hot day in London town and I was wearing my thinnest, lightest pair of linen trousers. As I was bustling around before the service helping set up, an elderly female member of the congregation came up to me and informed me she could see my pink knickers under my trousers ....


 

---

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :
 
A friend of mine cycled to church one winter's evening. She was a bit late and slipped into the pew just at the start of the opening prayer. At its end, the person behind tapped her on the shoulder and said, "You've still got a flashing red light attached to the back of your jacket".
 

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Posted by cornflower (# 13349) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sparrow:
Perhaps this doesn't quite belong here but this is what happened to me at church this morning. It's a hot day in London town and I was wearing my thinnest, lightest pair of linen trousers. As I was bustling around before the service helping set up, an elderly female member of the congregation came up to me and informed me she could see my pink knickers under my trousers ....

---

Did you have a cardigan or something you could tie round your waist? That's like when you wear a skirt, and then realise that when you're out in bright light, it suddenly becomes kind of transparent
 

---

Posted by cornflower (# 13349) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:
A friend of mine cycled to church one winter's evening. She was a bit late and slipped into the pew just at the start of the opening prayer. At its end, the person behind tapped her on the shoulder and said, "You've still got a flashing red light attached to the back of your jacket".

---

That's the kind of thing that would happen to me. I remember once going to a service at a church that I sometimes attended as well as my usual one. I went up for Communion and when I came back and sat down I saw this trail of footprints going all the way up to the front and back. To my horror I realised they were mine! I had probably also arrived on my pushbike and, having to find somewhere to lock it up, had walked across some sort of builders' detritus without realising (it was dark if I remember). I'm not sure that I dared to go back to that church again for a long time, if ever

On another occasion, I think it was probably a funeral or something equally solemn, I remembered to put my mobile phone on silent, but unfortunately had placed it on the wooden pew beside me. Someone started phoning me, and as the 'vibrate' function was still switched on, the sound was hugely amplified in the dead quiet of the church. Oh my goodness, I could have died then and there myself!
 

---

Posted by The Phantom Flan Flinger (# 8891) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:


We have a five-year-old who had obviously just been told where babies come from, standing in the church entrance dancing and singing "I'm a sperm, I'm a sperm, I'm a sperm!"

---

Of course, a Catholic would have sung "every sperm is sacred..."
 

---

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
One of our retired priests was assisting on Ash Wednesday. During a period of silence
the clergy were kneeling at the Altar rail -- when suddenly the Trout Quintet started playing from under his vestments.

 

---

Posted by Sparrow (# 2458) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by cornflower:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sparrow:
Perhaps this doesn't quite belong here but this is what happened to me at church this morning. It's a hot day in London town and I was wearing my thinnest, lightest pair of linen trousers. As I was bustling around before the service helping set up, an elderly female member of the congregation came up to me and informed me she could see my pink knickers under my trousers ....

---

Did you have a cardigan or something you could tie round your waist? That's like when you wear a skirt, and then realise that when you're out in bright light, it suddenly becomes kind of transparent

---

Yes, the Princess Diana moment! I didn't have anything, fortunately no-one else mentioned it!



 

---

Posted by cornflower (# 13349) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sparrow:

quote:

---

Originally posted by cornflower:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sparrow:
Perhaps this doesn't quite belong here but this is what happened to me at church this morning. It's a hot day in London town and I was wearing my thinnest, lightest pair of linen trousers. As I was bustling around before the service helping set up, an elderly female member of the congregation came up to me and informed me she could see my pink knickers under my trousers ....

---

Did you have a cardigan or something you could tie round your waist? That's like when you wear a skirt, and then realise that when you're out in bright light, it suddenly becomes kind of transparent

---

Yes, the Princess Diana moment! I didn't have anything, fortunately no-one else mentioned it!

---

Unless they all went home afterwards relating the awful tale to all and sundry! Still, sounds like you got away with it
 

---

Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
I was reading an article the other day, urging the practice of going commando, precisely to avoid such moments.
 

---

Posted by cornflower (# 13349) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
I was reading an article the other day, urging the practice of going commando, precisely to avoid such moments.

---

Yes, so much simpler if we could all just wear fig leaves...only giant furry ones for the winter months!
 

---

Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
Oh that brings to mind a good one, from before my time. This was back in the late '60's, when the revival movement was going strong. They had a 'modern' service at our church. Unfortunately someone decided to combine it with the annual clothing drive for the homeless, and there was a large box at the main door labeled, 'Clothing Here.' That was an -interesting- service, I am tell.
 

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Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
Having a drink with a friend reminded me of the time we went to a confirmation at a large church with - a rarity in the early 1970s - a PA system. The bishop was rather elderly and got 'caught short' in the middle of the service.

The entire congregation heard a whispered If I don't go now there will be consequences; then a pause, then the choir began to sing an unscheduled hymn. At the end of the first verse the choir was drowned out by what sounded like Niagara falls...

I'm sure the fact that the church unveiled new loos the next year was entirely unconnected ...
 

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Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :
 
There are - allegedly - stories of RC priests who forgot to switch off their radio microphones during Confession. Very entertaining for the parishioners.
 

---

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:
There are - allegedly - stories of RC priests who forgot to switch off their radio microphones during Confession. Very entertaining for the parishioners.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:
There are - allegedly - stories of RC priests who forgot to switch off their radio microphones during Confession. Very entertaining for the parishioners.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:
There are - allegedly - stories of RC priests who forgot to switch off their radio microphones during Confession. Very entertaining for the parishioners.

---

The now out-of-print book Bless Me, Father has a memorable one.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
Oh that brings to mind a good one, from before my time. This was back in the late '60's, when the revival movement was going strong. They had a 'modern' service at our church. Unfortunately someone decided to combine it with the annual clothing drive for the homeless, and there was a large box at the main door labeled, 'Clothing Here.' That was an -interesting- service, I am tell.

---

 

---

Posted by cornflower (# 13349) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by mousethief:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
Oh that brings to mind a good one, from before my time. This was back in the late '60's, when the revival movement was going strong. They had a 'modern' service at our church. Unfortunately someone decided to combine it with the annual clothing drive for the homeless, and there was a large box at the main door labeled, 'Clothing Here.' That was an -interesting- service, I am tell.

---

---

Oh dear
 

---

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by cornflower:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:
There are - allegedly - stories of RC priests who forgot to switch off their radio microphones during Confession. Very entertaining for the parishioners.

---

The now out-of-print book Bless Me, Father has a memorable one.

---

Oh yes, I think I've read that book. Is that the one where someone ends up vacuuming up the consecrated host that had got dropped or something...and then buried the whole vacuum cleaner? Something like that. Anyhow, the book was pretty hilarious.

---

quote:

---

here are - allegedly - stories of RC priests who forgot to switch off their radio microphones during Confession. Very entertaining for the parishioners.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:

quote:

---

Originally posted by cornflower:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:
There are - allegedly - stories of RC priests who forgot to switch off their radio microphones during Confession. Very entertaining for the parishioners.

---

The now out-of-print book Bless Me, Father has a memorable one.

---

Oh yes, I think I've read that book. Is that the one where someone ends up vacuuming up the consecrated host that had got dropped or something...and then buried the whole vacuum cleaner? Something like that. Anyhow, the book was pretty hilarious.

---

Yes -- except that it turned out later that the bread crumbs were actually from the sandwiches they had for lunch.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sarasa:
Baptist Trainfan said:

quote:

---

here are - allegedly - stories of RC priests who forgot to switch off their radio microphones during Confession. Very entertaining for the parishioners.

---

If you wear hearing aids with a T switch and the church has a hearing loop system, there are lots of things you'll end up hearing that you wish you hadn't, like the priest going to the loo....

The worst thing i ever did was when I was reading the lesson. The church had a (very) temporary lecturn in place, a reading desk, balanced on a pile of books. I managed to knock the whole thing over while in the middle of one of St. Paul's more complicated passages.

---

Oh well, I suppose it would have woken everybody up
 

---

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by cornflower:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
It turned out later that the bread crumbs were actually from the sandwiches they had for lunch.

---

Oh, I'd forgotten that bit! I'm not sure what they have to do though if something untoward occurs in other denoms than the RC. I know that in the CoE any remaining blessed bread/wafers have to get eaten up...but I,m not sure if ny were dropped or whatever, they would have to be quite so carefulin disposing of them than in the RC...because, it's not generally seen as being literally the body of Christ. I do know that certain people like to get hold of them for their own sacriligious purposes, which is rather ghastly. Maybe someone knows?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by cornflower:
I do know that certain people like to get hold of them for their own sacriligious purposes, which is rather ghastly. Maybe someone knows? [/QB]

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Brenda Clough:

quote:

---

Originally posted by cornflower:
I do know that certain people like to get hold of them for their own sacriligious purposes, which is rather ghastly. Maybe someone knows?

---

Satanists, for black masses -- big in medieval times. So out of date these days. Nowadays if you want to invoke the demons everyone knows you have to cut something's throat. [/QB]

---

I realised that..I just thought it might be indelicate to mention them directly
. No, my question was, if anyone knows what denoms other than RC do with any dropped bread/wafers, wine etc (once it's been consecrated I mean)
 

---

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sarasa:
The worst thing i ever did was when I was reading the lesson. The church had a (very) temporary lecturn in place, a reading desk, balanced on a pile of books. I managed to knock the whole thing over while in the middle of one of St. Paul's more complicated passages.

---

quote:

---

I'm not sure what they have to do though if something untoward occurs in other denoms than the RC. I know that in the CoE any remaining blessed bread/wafers have to get eaten up...but I,m not sure if ny were dropped or whatever, they would have to be quite so carefulin disposing of them than in the RC...because, it's not generally seen as being literally the body of Christ. I do know that certain people like to get hold of them for their own sacriligious purposes, which is rather ghastly. Maybe someone knows?

---

In Piskie churches I've known, you may dispose of crumbs by sprinkling them in the garden beds where people don't walk. We think the Lord wouldn't mind feeding the sparrows and the ants but might draw the line at being walked all over or tossed in the bin. Larger pieces are eaten, of course. Or in some strange circumstance where...you just wouldn't eat it (like it fell someplace unsavory after the Blessing of the Animals), you might bury it.
 

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Posted by cornflower (# 13349) on :
 
That was weird, I'd just read Brenda Clough's last post and sending a reply, when I lost my internet connection for a couple of minutes - I thought those ghastly things shouldn't be mentioned directly!
 

---

Posted by cornflower (# 13349) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sarasa:
The worst thing i ever did was when I was reading the lesson. The church had a (very) temporary lecturn in place, a reading desk, balanced on a pile of books. I managed to knock the whole thing over while in the middle of one of St. Paul's more complicated passages.

---

Many of Paul's passages would benefit from a little excitement!

My worst reading experience was quieter, but memorable. I was reading at Evensong on a beautiful spring evening -- such nice weather that the doors had been left open. Halfway through the Lesson a cat wandered in and -- of course -- headed straight for me. It proceeded to entwine itself around my legs for the entire reading.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
cornflower:

quote:

---

I'm not sure what they have to do though if something untoward occurs in other denoms than the RC. I know that in the CoE any remaining blessed bread/wafers have to get eaten up...but I,m not sure if ny were dropped or whatever, they would have to be quite so carefulin disposing of them than in the RC...because, it's not generally seen as being literally the body of Christ. I do know that certain people like to get hold of them for their own sacriligious purposes, which is rather ghastly. Maybe someone knows?

---

In Piskie churches I've known, you may dispose of crumbs by sprinkling them in the garden beds where people don't walk. We think the Lord wouldn't mind feeding the sparrows and the ants but might draw the line at being walked all over or tossed in the bin. Larger pieces are eaten, of course. Or in some strange circumstance where...you just wouldn't eat it (like it fell someplace unsavory after the Blessing of the Animals), you might bury it.

---

What are Piskie churches? I misread it as pixie churches first off....thought perhaps it was a church for leprechauns or something

 

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Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :
 
Episcopalian. Piskie sounds a little jauntier.
 

---

Posted by cornflower (# 13349) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
Episcopalian. Piskie sounds a little jauntier.

---

Oh yes, that does sound nice....and less of a mouthful
 

---

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
I acquired a Victorian book, written to persuade Anglicans to have nothing to do with the Oxford Movement (they were seducing nice girls to become nuns, for heaven's sake!) It went into some detail about what the Oxford Movement taught had to be done to deal with spills and so on. Coming from a Congregationalist background, it all seemed somewhat peculiar. And also explained why people in my mother's village of Mayfield had taken against the priest who introduced Oxford Movement (or 'papist') practices back in the day.
 

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Posted by cornflower (# 13349) on :
 
Everything can get so complicated , can't it? I wonder what would happen if Jesus came back down to earth and wandered about amongst our various churches. Can you imagine if He came incognito, he'd probably get chucked out of a few churches and get accused of heresy! Nothing much changes really does it?
 

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Posted by The Phantom Flan Flinger (# 8891) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by cornflower:
Everything can get so complicated , can't it? I wonder what would happen if Jesus came back down to earth and wandered about amongst our various churches. Can you imagine if He came incognito, he'd probably get chucked out of a few churches and get accused of heresy! Nothing much changes really does it?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by cornflower:
Everything can get so complicated , can't it? I wonder what would happen if Jesus came back down to earth and wandered about amongst our various churches. Can you imagine if He came incognito, he'd probably get chucked out of a few churches and get accused of heresy! Nothing much changes really does it?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Phantom Flan Flinger:

quote:

---

Originally posted by cornflower:
Everything can get so complicated , can't it? I wonder what would happen if Jesus came back down to earth and wandered about amongst our various churches. Can you imagine if He came incognito, he'd probably get chucked out of a few churches and get accused of heresy! Nothing much changes really does it?

---

It would make an interesting MW report...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by cornflower:
'MW'? What's that?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:

quote:

---

Originally posted by cornflower:
'MW'? What's that?

---

Mystery Worship

---

Oh, of course!
Wow, yes, it certainly would!!!
 

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Posted by Galloping Granny (# 13814) on :
 
At one stage we used to have monthly Taizé evening worship. So there we were, probably 10-12 of us, sitting quietly and reverentially in a church lit mostly by tea candles, waiting to start, when B came over from his flat to find out what this Taizé thing was. He was probably autistic, in his sixties, and a much loved and treasured member of the church – he contributed a lot to our community.
B walked up the aisle, murmuring something about 'not being a minute', went through the door behind the 'choir', leaving it open, then through the door into the loo, leaving it open too, wee'ed. flushed, came back and sat down.
Well, it was just our B. After a short pause, we began our worship.

GG
 

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Posted by AuthorDiva (# 18640) on :
 
I am a "leader of song" (a/k/a cantor) at a Roman Catholic church. Because I am unemployed, I have made myself available to sing at funeral masses.

On a recent morning I was scheduled to sing a 10:00 funeral mass. The celebrant was a visiting priest, assisted by a seminarian who had only arrived in our parish a few days earlier. We had a substitute organist. I was the only "regular" in the cast.

Recipe for disaster, right? Right!

The funeral started, and I sang the opening hymn, which was Carey Landry's "Hail Mary/Gentle Woman." This is meant to be sung softly, and, even though I transpose it a couple of keys up, it's still pitched very low. I sang it the way I was supposed to, using the microphone.

When the priest began to speak, it was obvious that the microphones were not on! The switch that turns all the mikes on (including mine) is in the sacristy, and the priest who is celebrating always turns them on. I made frantic hand signals to the priest and the seminarian, letting them know the mikes were not on, but neither one of them knew what to do.

I decided that my only option was to turn on my considerable operatic sound for everything in order to be heard, so I did just that. It was almost impossible to hear the priest or the readers.

During the sermon, our substitute organist slipped out of the church and over to the rectory next door, where he reported the problem. I was in the middle of the Offertory hymn when I saw someone come into the church and head into the sacristy. Within a moment, all the mikes were suddenly working.

The mass went fine after that, until just after Communion. I had already finished singing the Communion hymn, and the next thing was supposed to be the final commendation hymn, which is always sung when the priest is down next to the casket. For some reason, the priest, who was still up behind the altar, looked at me, expecting me to sing. So the organist and I did the final commendation hymn.

Everything fell apart after that! The pallbearers, for some reason, started too early to process down the aisle with the casket, before the priest ended the mass! There was the priest, up behind the altar, SPEAKING the words of the final commendation, which I had just sung, then saying the prayers that ended the mass. IT DID NOT OCCUR TO THE PALLBEARERS TO STOP AND WAIT FOR THE PRIEST TO FINISH! They continued down the aisle, and most of the mourners followed them. It was good that they stopped when they reached the back of the church, or they probably would have been out the door by the time the priest gave the dismissal.

I only sang one verse of the recessional hymn, because everyone was almost all the way out of the church, anyway!

I will be laughing over this for a long time.
 

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Posted by St. Gwladys (# 14504) on :
 
Funerals seem particularly prone to disaster.
At one funeral in our church, the paschal candle, which is placed on it's stand near the coffin, managed to set fire to the greenery surrounding it. I only heard about it from the lady acting as verger that day. The funeral service was followed by cremation, and thankfully, the family saw the funny side of what happened.
 

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Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
Oh, fire in the sanctuary, always a thrill. We have an ancient organ, and on one famous occasion a short-circuit made it burst into flame. The music minister had to beat it out with a hymnal. No comments about being on fire for the Lord were heard.
 

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Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
Our Rector neatly averted a fire in the church. We were having a Baptism -- it was either in Advent or Christmas, with the Advent wreath on a stand in front of the Altar. Our Baptismal font is in the Sanctuary, very near the Altar. The Rector had just taken the baby in his arms, and Grandfather had stepped back to make a little more room by the font -- knocking over the Advent wreath stand in the process. The Rector, while holding baby in one arm, reached out with the other and grabbed the Advent wreath stand before the whole thing could go up in flames. The congregation applauded.
 

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Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
Rectors may be peculiarly gifted that way. (I wonder if it is a requisite for ordination?) When my son was a very little Acolyte, he was dousing the alter candles for the first time. The candles are tall, and stand on a high altar in tall brass candlesticks, so it's quite a reach even if you're using the long snuffer. My son dropped the little brass cup over the flame in the approved fashion, but did not lift afterwards. Instead he tugged. The entire candle and stand began to topple, but the rector was there and in passing caught it.
 

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Posted by cornflower (# 13349) on :
 
The last few posts sound somewhat horrifying! Potentially, at any rate.
I should think it must be quite scary for vicars baptising babies...especially if they've never handled them before. Some babies can be very wriggly or just suddenly arch their backs and sort of try and roll out of your arms, even when quite small. Perhaps they give them special lessons with babies of relatives or something, before they're let loose on the general public?
 

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Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by cornflower:
The last few posts sound somewhat horrifying! Potentially, at any rate.
I should think it must be quite scary for vicars baptising babies...especially if they've never handled them before. Some babies can be very wriggly or just suddenly arch their backs and sort of try and roll out of your arms, even when quite small. Perhaps they give them special lessons with babies of relatives or something, before they're let loose on the general public?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:

quote:

---

Originally posted by cornflower:
The last few posts sound somewhat horrifying! Potentially, at any rate.
I should think it must be quite scary for vicars baptising babies...especially if they've never handled them before. Some babies can be very wriggly or just suddenly arch their backs and sort of try and roll out of your arms, even when quite small. Perhaps they give them special lessons with babies of relatives or something, before they're let loose on the general public?

---

Don't forget various bodily functions that are apt to happen at the very worst times.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Toddlers at baptism have been known to get the pastor in a bear hug with arms stuck up his sleeves and around his back. When this happened to Mr. Lamb, he had to get somebody else to dislodge the little monster--and ended up in the sports clinic with a shoulder injury. Then they asked him what he'd been doing to cause the damage...

---

Yes, actually babies and toddlers are jolly dangerous! If you're wearing necklaces or ear-rings...especially the hoop variety, little fingers can get a very tight grip on those...and to be somewhat indelicate, if you breastfeed and your child has developed a tooth or two.... Thing is you have to extricate baby very carefully, you can't just shove them away, even if you're in agony..
 

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Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
Apparently, when I was four or five years old, I would try to direct the church in singing. The priests, nuns, and various laypersons had to smother their laughter as I took it upon myself to wave my arms around and "direct". I was a weird child. I asked for a church program and went home and held Mass for my stuffed animals. I also took my marbles (yeah, I hadn't lost them yet!) and rolled them into the spaces between the black keys on the piano, pretending they were going to church.
 

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Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
Don't forget various bodily functions that are apt to happen at the very worst times.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by The5thMary:
Apparently, when I was four or five years old, I would try to direct the church in singing. The priests, nuns, and various laypersons had to smother their laughter as I took it upon myself to wave my arms around and "direct". I was a weird child. I asked for a church program and went home and held Mass for my stuffed animals. I also took my marbles (yeah, I hadn't lost them yet!) and rolled them into the spaces between the black keys on the piano, pretending they were going to church.

---

I don't think you were that weird. I'm assuming you're a woman and a Catholic, from your name and mention of Mass? If you'd been a chap, you might very well have been in early training to become a priest or maybe musical director or something

But, talking of Catholic Masses, when I was a child they were all in Latin and an hour and a half long, so apart from the sermon and notices which were in English, I didn't really understand much. So I would pass the time by imagining fairies jumping from hat to hat that the women were wearing (in those days they still had to wear hats)and climbing up and down the pillars of the church. Maybe across the altar too. Hm, and rather than thinking of guardian angels protecting me at night, I used to imagine fairies flying round the bedroom, warding off any nasty things. Not that I thought fairies actually existed, it was just my way of feeling safer (and this, having dutifully repeated some sort of prayer about my guardian angel taking care of me).
 

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Posted by cornflower (# 13349) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by mousethief:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
Don't forget various bodily functions that are apt to happen at the very worst times.

---

True story. There was an emperor of the other Roman Empire (the one everybody forgets) who pooped in his baptismal font, and went by the moniker "Copronymous" ("shit name")* all his life.


__________
*he shat at his naming ceremony -- those crazy Greeks

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by mousethief:
Depends on whom you ask. Iconoclasts and friends of the emperor swear it's not true. But the name has stuck.

---

Urban myth perhaps?
 

---

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by cornflower:

quote:

---

Originally posted by mousethief:
Depends on whom you ask. Iconoclasts and friends of the emperor swear it's not true. But the name has stuck.

---

Urban myth perhaps?

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