Ship of Fools: i just don't know if i can fake it anymore.

Thread: i just don't know if i can fake it anymore. Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by Cthulhu (# 16186) on :

souls are tasteless, the screams of the damned bring me no satisfaction, and despite the terrified obeisance of a legion of minions, my life seems empty and all i can do is cry. i know i am only disappointing those who rely on me being the ancient devourer of souls, but i look and like and realize i have been to the bottomless abyss, but i have never been to me.

i have taken a long look in the mirror. i have to take my life in my tentacles and make a change. and i really think i have to admit to myself the most terrifying thing of all- i just want people to like me.

see? i'm not even yelling anymore. will anyone forgive my millennia of torment and be my friend?

Posted by Boogie (# 13538) on :

Only if you have a bouncy castle for us to play on. [Smile]

Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :

Standing at a distance to keep safe...

Oh you poor, cuddly wee creature. Do you always feel like this on April 1st?

Posted by Cthulhu (# 16186) on :

i thought christians believed in unconditional love.

i thought this was a christian website, actually. that's another thing. i finally have had to look deep in my--i want to say soul, but impenetrable darkness feels better--i looked deep there and realized the reason i hang out here so much is not to menace an terrorize you as i have been telling myself for so long, but that perhaps that still small voice is whispering to me. maybe i need to be redeemed.

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :

Sometimes, even gods change for the better, and grow.

And whether your angst is that of your Ship persona or your offline self, you matter. Talking it out in a safe space, with a counselor, might help.

[Votive]

Posted by Beenster (# 242) on :

Christianity at its best:

Singalong, you know you want to

Beautiful Christian Music

Posted by Cthulhu (# 16186) on :

i had a counselor once. i think i ate him. it's all a blur. i am so screwed up! [Waterworks]

Posted by Cthulhu (# 16186) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Beenster:
Christianity at its best:

Singalong, you know you want to

Beautiful Christian Music

that... that... stirs something in me...

Posted by Lothlorien (# 4927) on :

Did you raise a tentacle in ecstasy at that music when it stirred someting in you? Personally, I would rather have a tentacle than an earworm from it.

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :

Hmmm...how about a battle between you and the Flying Spaghetti Monster? You look so similar, that you'd probably be evenly matched. Maybe arm wrestling? Frozen tomato sauce balls at 50 parsecs? Crawling up the Empire State building? Skateboarding down Route 66?

[ 01. April 2016, 06:52: Message edited by: Golden Key ]

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :

I must say that I feel deeply for the OPer but do see some problems ahead should a wish to be baptised appear on the agenda.

If so should it be by immersion or by sprinkling?

If by immersion, is there a pool, lake, river, ocean big enough available?

If by sprinkling would a fire hose be sufficient and would the subsequent fog caused by reacting of the water on the skin be a traffic hazard on any nearby roads?

Thirdly, would we need a ruling from The Holy Father in Rome as to whether this is a Right and Proper use of Holy Water?

Just a few little worries but meanwhile may the OPer be aware that many folks here will be uplifting the situation in prayer, hopefully without the assistance of Mr Cliff Richard!

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Cthulhu:
see? i'm not even yelling anymore. will anyone forgive my millennia of torment and be my friend?

Yes, of course. I'm sure someone here can organize a rota of friendship until lunchtime, though if you want the service to continue after that there may be a charge. The millennia of torment can be negotiated separately. It might be best to do that in instalments as it is rather a quantity of years.

Gentle readers - do post if you would like to be Cthulhu's friend at some point this morning and are willing to waive the usual fee.

Posted by LeRoc (# 3216) on :

So, we can write you down for church cleaning roster on Saturday morning then?

Posted by Cthulhu (# 16186) on :

i would consider it an honor.

Posted by LeRoc (# 3216) on :

quote:
Cthulhu: i would consider it an honor.

I knew it! The tentacled atrocity is American [Smile]

Posted by Boogie (# 13538) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Cthulhu:

quote:
Originally posted by Beenster:
Christianity at its best:

Singalong, you know you want to

Beautiful Christian Music
that... that... stirs something in me...

Ah, but ... in order to truly repent you need to promise to stop shit stirring ...

Posted by rolyn (# 16840) on :

I think this is would love to belong returned as a sock puppet.

Posted by Lothlorien (# 4927) on :

I love knitting socks but draw the line at all those tentacles.😳

Posted by rolyn (# 16840) on :

[Big Grin]

Suppose it'd make this geezer good for a group hug.

Posted by Cthulhu (# 16186) on :

hugs? hugs make things better.

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :

Meh. I liked you better when you were sending people insane with the sure and certain knowledge of unspeakable horrors that await them beyond the fragile veil of this world.

Posted by Boogie (# 13538) on :

❤❤((huggles))❤❤

This is becoming a habit my dear - people will talk [Angel]

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Welease Woderwick:
... hopefully without the assistance of Mr Cliff Richard!

Isn't he a "Sir" these days? [Big Grin]

If the OPer wants uplifting music, I'd suggest he look no further than the works of Byrd, Tallis and Gibbons.

Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :

Dearest Cthulhu, my prayers have been answered! Long ago, when you first threatened to make me die horribly, I started praying for whatever passes for your soul. Actually, I prayed for you to have digestive issues after eating people, but that's neither here nor there.

When I informed Daughter-Unit of my prayers, she crocheted wee prayer partners for us.

Rest assured, you will find love and hugs here. It will be difficult for you at first, but with perseverance, you will find peace and joy,

Posted by Beenster (# 242) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Lothlorien:
I love knitting socks but draw the line at all those tentacles.😳

Try knitting testicles. Far more tasty than tentacles.

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Cthulhu:
souls are tasteless, the screams of the damned bring me no satisfaction, and despite the terrified obeisance of a legion of minions, my life seems empty and all i can do is cry. i know i am only disappointing those who rely on me being the ancient devourer of souls, but i look and like and realize i have been to the bottomless abyss, but i have never been to me.

i have taken a long look in the mirror. i have to take my life in my tentacles and make a change. and i really think i have to admit to myself the most terrifying thing of all- i just want people to like me.

see? i'm not even yelling anymore. will anyone forgive my millennia of torment and be my friend?

Bless your shriveled, wrinkly, black heart. [Tear]

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

Iz u Happy Cthulhu now or haz u still the sads?

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

Hmmm...there are probably a few steps to achieving peace and friendship with the family here:
Step One *Repent.
DID you actually say sorry for the millennia of torment you have inflicted? Sorry - you can't skip this step by saying you're just tired of doing what you do. You won't like it, but meh. Eat me.
Step two is dependant upon completing step one. *Forgiven.
Always. Doesn't mean we won't forget you have eaten some of us though.
Step Three * New Life. Your purpose for existence will change. This includes gratitude and service...I'm sure all those tentacles are good for something that can bless the ship. Not too sure how you are going to look with both tentacles and wings though. I believe the Angel of Death role has already been taken, but I'm sure the Captain can find you a place on board somewhere.

Posted by Cthulhu (# 16186) on :

I feel like some of you are trying to provoke me.

Especially those DAMN LITTLE KNIT-- forgive me.

First of all, as I come to you in my fragile, vulnerable state, it is the Height of Cruelty to mock me. Second, it will probably not surprise you that I have been diagnosed with rage addiction, and for me it is not so much taking it one day at a time but thirty seconds at a time. What I am saying is I have a Very Short Fuse, and I come asking you for gentle loving care as I learn to be the glorious Higher Self I know I was Always meant to be.

As you can see I am struggling not to raise my voice, so please. Please. Be Kind.

Don't. Light. The Fuse.

[ 01. April 2016, 21:04: Message edited by: Cthulhu ]

Posted by Cthulhu (# 16186) on :

banner lady, your firm but gentle tone is like the still pulsing blood of- i mean, like strong hot coffee to me. bless you for your advice. will you be my sponsor?

i will now take step one.
i am s-
i am sssssssssss
i am truly and heartily ssssssssGRRAAGHHHHHHHARRRRGGH

maybe i need to go meditate.

[ 01. April 2016, 21:10: Message edited by: Cthulhu ]

Posted by Lothlorien (# 4927) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Beenster:

quote:
Originally posted by Lothlorien:
I love knitting socks but draw the line at all those tentacles.😳
Try knitting testicles. Far more tasty than tentacles.

Lots of patterns around for such thing, actually. And patterns for a uterus and tubes, also for peter heaters.

No thanks Beenster for the earworm. I had a bad night last night and woke multiple times. Every time, I could hear that song in my head.

Perhaps I need a hug instead of giving one to our multi tentacled friend.

[ 01. April 2016, 22:18: Message edited by: Lothlorien ]

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Cthulhu:
maybe i need to go meditate.

{Gives the Old One meditation cushions, portable prayer wheels, and a set of prayer beads for each tentacle. Plus a soothing teddy bear and a blankie. And animal crackers, and cocoa to drink.}

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Cthulhu:
souls are tasteless, the screams of the damned bring me no satisfaction, and despite the terrified obeisance of a legion of minions, my life seems empty and all i can do is cry. i know i am only disappointing those who rely on me being the ancient devourer of souls, but i look and like and realize i have been to the bottomless abyss, but i have never been to me.

i have taken a long look in the mirror. i have to take my life in my tentacles and make a change. and i really think i have to admit to myself the most terrifying thing of all- i just want people to like me.

see? i'm not even yelling anymore. will anyone forgive my millennia of torment and be my friend?

Wuss.

Posted by Cthulhu (# 16186) on :

I'm getting that FEELING AGAIN...

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

Ah good, you're beginning to feel better. We'll soon have you back in your little house of bones under the sea, dreaming dark dreams again.

Posted by Beenster (# 242) on :

This might help

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

Will I be your sponsor? Of course. I have always wanted to be a godmother, and you are the first to have asked. I'm a little old fashioned when it comes to catechising though, and we shall begin at Pentecost in preparation for full baptism next Easter.

Your temperament, being somewhat volatile, needs a measured approach. This may seem risky to some of our fellow shippies, but I assure you that if you DO eat me, it will just change you from the inside out. The banner pole might stick in your craw, too.

I am glad you are meditating. We need to light your fuse with a different kind of spirit. I suggest when you are tempted then chant "Jesus, remember me, when I come into your kingdom."

BL. The Godmother.

Posted by Anselmina (# 3032) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Cthulhu:
i thought christians believed in unconditional love.

That depends...

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :

The question that has been exercising my brain is:

quote:
Does Ctulhu have a soul of its own?

If the answer is yes then fair enough we can pray and sprinkle Holy Water and even hold Cathulhoo in the Light - but what if Cathodewho ate their own soul first and thus developed a taste for it? What if there is no soul left to save? Surely we would be better spending our time organising the Vicarage Garden Party? Cutting the crusts off the cucumber sandwiches and icing the muffins, etc.

Have we seen Cathywhatsit at Morning Prayer beforehand? Well, have we? Is CathyPratchett on the Flower Rota? Or the Altar Guild?

Do we want to associate ourselves with the soul-less or should we cast them into Outer Darkness, like that bloke who dressed all wrong for the wedding feast?

[ 03. April 2016, 06:33: Message edited by: Welease Woderwick ]

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

Does Cthulhu have a soul? God knows.
But if Cthulhu is prepared to be born again as a Christian then Cthulhu will be inhabited by the Holy Spirit and will therefore be God's own beloved child. I presume this means that soul reparation will happen.

Of course Cthulhu has to actually want this, and be prepared to leave behind all former existence(s). It will also involve some reparation of the family tree. I have looked into this, and it does appear to be an epically dysfunctional family. I suggest we all hem Cthulhu around with prayer and place the cross between all the generations of monsters. Bless you, fellow shippies. Together we shall love the tentacled one into the Light. May all things hidden be revealed.

Godmotheringly,
BL.

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :

{Quietly wonders if perhaps Banner Lady is at least as dangerous as Cthulu.}

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :

I wonder if the best approach is to crowd-fund for Cathypolecat to attend one of these amazing crusades!

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Golden Key:
{Quietly wonders if perhaps Banner Lady is at least as dangerous as Cthulu.}

Ah well, you see, some of us remember what it was like to live a monstrous life, before we opened the door to God, and the love of Christ changed us.

BL. aka Grandmother of Dragons.

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

Cthulhu, in the RC regime, you would normally have three godparents, two of whichever gender you identify with, and one of the other.

Does this open new vistas for your contemplation and rehabilitation, or will you need to go into therapy to find the truth? I'm assuming that your inner darkness sheds no light on the issue.

With all due respect to Banner Lady, but she really will need spiritual babysitters to spell her. At least one for every pair of tentacles.

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

quote:
Originally posted by jacobsen:
Cthulhu, in the RC regime, you would normally have three godparents, two of whichever gender you identify with, and one of the other.

And you are not meant to eat them all at once.

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :

Absolutely, save one for a snack.

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

Preferably the low fat version.

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :

quote:
Originally posted by jacobsen:
Preferably the low fat version.

That rules me out then. [Big Grin]

After some discussion back-stage, we think that Cthulhu has possibly seen enough daylight for the moment after his April outing, so he's going back into his lair for another while.

HE'LL PROBABLY BE BACK THOUGH ... [Paranoid]

Thread closed.

Piglet, AS host

[ 07. April 2016, 14:46: Message edited by: Piglet ]

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