Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Judgmental ?
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Twilight
 Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
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Posted
What exactly is it?
I would have put this in Purgatory but I think it might get personal. Like right now. Lamb Chopped just called me "judgmental," for criticizing someone for using the c-word. Kelly called me scolding and I think that was more correct.
On the other hand I would call Lamb Chopped judgmental in her thread where she jumps on her entire church for not being as charitable as she thinks Christians should be.
Why are we being judgmental if we say something critical about certain groups and righteously on point if we lash into others? For example, say something negative about single mothers and you will be called judgmental, say the same thing about her counter part, the baby-daddy, and you'll be backed up with suggestions of roasting him on a slow fire.
I think I only really call someone judgmental if they're calling into question someone else's religious virtue. For example my husband once accused me of coveting when I remarked on a friends abundance of beautiful flowers around her house. I suppose he might have been right If I had been seething with envy, which I wasn't.
At least he was being original in his casting of judgment, because I get the impression that in most people's minds today you can't be judgmental unless sex is involved.
Thoughts? Accusations?
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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333
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Posted
Judgemental as being excessively critical of behaviour. Any category of behaviour. What constitutes excessive will be highly subjective. If you will provide a link, we could offer our judgem...erm, critici..., hmmm, our evaluation of this particular incident.
-------------------- I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning Hallellou, hallellou
Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008
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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333
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Posted
OK, just read the relevant bits of that exchange and the person I agree with is Rook. We see the world through a thick, shifting miasma of conflicting perception; never as clear as we perceive. Then whole exchange is odd. A place in Hell for safe expression of vulnerability? And yet the thread sort of is, in mt observation from my occasional forays there, anyway. It is really an All Saints/Hell hybrid.
-------------------- I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning Hallellou, hallellou
Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008
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mousethief
 Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
It's an irregular verb, of course.
I'm being discerning. You're being critical. They're being judgmental.
-------------------- This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
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Twilight
 Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by mousethief: It's an irregular verb, of course.
I'm being discerning. You're being critical. They're being judgmental.
I'm not asking you guys to decide who's right on the Relatives thread. I already conceded on that one.
I'm asking in general. Why is it okay for us call reckless gun owners idiots on the gun thread and hate all over the fundamentalist preachers who are against gay marriage but in the midst of all this one shipmate will call another judgmental for .. what exactly?
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Firenze
 Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
Having thought about it deeply for several seconds, I conclude it depends on the status you claim for your opinions.
If I tell you are Wrong, speaking as Firenze, crochety old bat, then I am being critical. If I tell you you are Wrong, speaking as Firenze, mouthpiece of civilised society/prophet of the most high god/whatever, I am being judgmental.
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Doc Tor
Deepest Red
# 9748
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by lilBuddha: Then whole exchange is odd. A place in Hell for safe expression of vulnerability? And yet the thread sort of is, in mt observation from my occasional forays there, anyway. It is really an All Saints/Hell hybrid.
No, it isn't. Hell rules apply fully to the thread in question.
It means you can get your panties all bunched up if you want to. Whether it's wise to do so is a matter of ... judgement.
-------------------- Forward the New Republic
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Kelly Alves
 Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Yeah, Twilight had no obligation to apologize, she just chose to. People reacting to what she said doesn't mean she was out of line saying it.
-------------------- I cannot expect people to believe “ Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.” Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
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Kelly Alves
 Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
And I don't know if judgemental is the word I would use--freaking picky might be better. It would be like if I stubbed my toe and yelled "MOTHERFUCKERCOCKSUCKER!" And you sighed, "Language."
-------------------- I cannot expect people to believe “ Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.” Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
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mdijon
Shipmate
# 8520
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Kelly Alves: Yeah, Twilight had no obligation to apologize, she just chose to.
I thought she exercised that choice in a very classy way. It is rare that an apology goes astray, even in hell, and one usually thinks better of the apologizer for it.
quote: Originally posted by Kelly Alves: People reacting to what she said doesn't mean she was out of line saying it.
Agreed. Focusing on "the rules" seems daft. I suppose it is easier to defend oneself or others by claiming it is within "the rules" of free expression or Hell or wherever, and easier to be judgemental about another's indiscretions if one claims it is against some sort of rule. It is much harder to make a case for what one ought to do outwith "the rules" and then to be reflective about that. Rather like religion really.
-------------------- mdijon nojidm uoɿıqɯ ɯqıɿou ɯqıɿou uoɿıqɯ nojidm mdijon
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Stetson
Shipmate
# 9597
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Twilight: quote: Originally posted by mousethief: It's an irregular verb, of course.
I'm being discerning. You're being critical. They're being judgmental.
I'm not asking you guys to decide who's right on the Relatives thread. I already conceded on that one.
I'm asking in general. Why is it okay for us call reckless gun owners idiots on the gun thread and hate all over the fundamentalist preachers who are against gay marriage but in the midst of all this one shipmate will call another judgmental for .. what exactly?
I think the taboo against judgementalism is kinda like the one against speaking ill of the dead. Very few people really believe in it, they just use it as a rationale for shutting down any criticism of someone they whose reputation they wish to protect. I mean, has anyone, in the privacy of their own home, ever refrained from muttering "Glad that fuckers gone" when they hear about the death some dictator or terrorist they didn't like, out of deferene to the rule against bad-mouthing the dead?
Back to the anti-judgementalism taboo, my favorite pimping of that one involved a newspaper columnist in my hometown, who was part of a network of right-wingers defending apartheid South Africa back in the late 80s. One of his columns contained the following line of reasoning...
"Some Christians argue that we should isolate the South African regime, because apartheid is sinful. Well, yes, it is sinful, but aren't sinners the very people Jesus himself interacted with? We read in the Bible about Jesus eating with outcasts and tax collectors, for example."
I'm sure Jesus WOULD have reached out to, say, P.W. Botha if Botha was at a dinner party and no one was eating with him. But I'm also pretty sure that this particular columnist wouldn't have been saying the same thing about a Stalinist dictator who was getting the cold shoulder. [ 22. May 2016, 15:51: Message edited by: Stetson ]
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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Doc Tor: No, it isn't. Hell rules apply fully to the thread in question.
quote: Originally posted by Kelly Alves: Yeah, Twilight had no obligation to apologize, she just chose to. People reacting to what she said doesn't mean she was out of line saying it.
I was not questioning the rules, nor faulting Twilight's post. Just expressing my view of how that thread generally operates. And why her comments drew the reactions they did.
-------------------- I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning Hallellou, hallellou
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Moo
 Ship's tough old bird
# 107
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Twilight On the other hand I would call Lamb Chopped judgmental in her thread where she jumps on her entire church for not being as charitable as she thinks Christians should be.
Lamb Chopped didn't jump on her entire church. She jumped on the 'leaders and workers'. I assume these were people who had accepted specific responsibilities. If this is the case, it is understandable for her to resent having to choose between rising to the occasion although she had many other responsibilities, and letting an elderly member of the congregation lose her home because no one will help her.
Moo [ 22. May 2016, 16:40: Message edited by: Moo ]
-------------------- Kerygmania host --------------------- See you later, alligator.
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mdijon
Shipmate
# 8520
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Posted
The cries of judgmentalism rapidly become a game of Rosencrantz. One can do it with almost any non-specific criticism with a little sideways semantic.
One can claim that the tolerant are in fact intolerant of homophobia, that those citing prejudice are in fact prejudiced against the mores of the accused, that the open-minded are in fact not open to the more focused view - and so on.
But the fact is some people really are judgmental, prejudiced and/or intolerant. We have to just shrug off the tu quoque.
-------------------- mdijon nojidm uoɿıqɯ ɯqıɿou ɯqıɿou uoɿıqɯ nojidm mdijon
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Anselmina
Ship's barmaid
# 3032
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Posted
Good OP. 'Judgemental' could apply to either an opinion or a person. A normally non-judgemental person might sound judgemental about a particular issue they feel strongly about. And if that errs on the edges of prejudice or unfairness, we might respond, 'that's a very judgemental thing to say', without meaning to imply that the person is on the whole a judgemental kind of person.
Whereas some folks really have an attitude of judgementalism about a lot of things and seem to generate a negative atmosphere of non-constructive criticism.
It's hard to think of a positive application of the word 'judgemental'. I know there are things I'm judgemental about from time to time, and I know that it's usually when I'm thinking about issues where I might be pretty hard line, with little leeway for being flexible. It could be argued that there ought to be issues which are as clear-cut as to warrent hard-line and inflexible attitudes; but yet judgementalism just never seems to sit well, even when we identify it in ourselves.
-------------------- Irish dogs needing homes! http://www.dogactionwelfaregroup.ie/ Greyhounds and Lurchers are shipped over to England for rehoming too!
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Twilight: What exactly is it?
I would have put this in Purgatory but I think it might get personal. Like right now. Lamb Chopped just called me "judgmental," for criticizing someone for using the c-word. Kelly called me scolding and I think that was more correct.
On the other hand I would call Lamb Chopped judgmental in her thread where she jumps on her entire church for not being as charitable as she thinks Christians should be.
Why are we being judgmental if we say something critical about certain groups and righteously on point if we lash into others? For example, say something negative about single mothers and you will be called judgmental, say the same thing about her counter part, the baby-daddy, and you'll be backed up with suggestions of roasting him on a slow fire.
I think I only really call someone judgmental if they're calling into question someone else's religious virtue. For example my husband once accused me of coveting when I remarked on a friends abundance of beautiful flowers around her house. I suppose he might have been right If I had been seething with envy, which I wasn't.
At least he was being original in his casting of judgment, because I get the impression that in most people's minds today you can't be judgmental unless sex is involved.
Thoughts? Accusations?
Oh for gosh sakes. Judgemental, adj. "•having or displaying an excessively critical point of view... synonyms: critical · censorious · condemnatory · disapproving"
I'm sorry if the word "judgemental" hit a nerve for you. Perhaps I should have said bluntly "Why are you making life more painful for Amy who has already had a shitload of pain from her mother? Even for Hell that's going too far."
I did not say it that bluntly because I didn't want to hurt your feelings, either.
Yes, I know it's Hell, and not All Saints. But even in Hell, we can call one another on posts that hit below the belt. And in my judgement (yes, I see what I did there), your post was.
You may feel exactly the same about my post, and if so, you're totally free to call me on it. The one difference I'll point out is that there's virtually no chance of the people I was slamming (anonymously, too) ever reading my rant, let alone recognizing themselves in it. Because yes, I need to vent. But I also need to watch out for the pain I inflict on other people and be sure it's damned necessary and under careful control. Therefore the nameless rant.
If I do decide to take up the matter with the subjects of my rant, be sure I'll do it face to face with them in a private meeting--as I have in fact done several times before. But it's my opinion that they are past listening to me. No past meeting has had any lasting effect on them, and escalation would do far more harm than good. Which is why I came here to rant harmlessly instead.
So there you go. That's the distinction. I think that if you're going to hurt someone, you ought to do it for a good enough reason, and with some hope of a good outcome. And I didn't see that in your post. And I didn't want Amy to think that we all agreed with the new pain you were handing her.
-------------------- Er, this is what I've been up to (book). Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
Okay, now the word. "Judgmental" where I live is commonly used by everybody, Christian and non-Christian, to mean "overly critical and censorious, negative, blaming." It is not purely a theological category. In fact, for most people and exchanges the theological "Judge not" stuff doesn't even come into the picture.
"Stop being so judgmental" gets said to the relative who keeps bitching about everybody in her life for 45 minutes on the phone. It gets said to the surly teenager who makes negative comments on the hard work everybody else did cooking dinner. And it gets said to the neighbor who ignores the total makeover of the garden in order to point out that you missed one dandelion.
There's nothing Matthew 7 about it at all in 90% of the real life cases I hear. And there was nothing Matthew 7 intended in my use of it either.
-------------------- Er, this is what I've been up to (book). Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
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no prophet's flag is set so...
 Proceed to see sea
# 15560
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Posted
Judgemental is one of those intolertant words which we traditionally love to nicely invalidate.
Cunt is not such a word. It is at the level of nigger, wagon-burner, retard and paki where I live.
-------------------- Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety. \_(ツ)_/
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Twilight
 Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Lamb Chopped: "Stop being so judgmental" gets said to the relative who keeps bitching about everybody in her life for 45 minutes on the phone. It gets said to the surly teenager who makes negative comments on the hard work everybody else did cooking dinner. And it gets said to the neighbor who ignores the total makeover of the garden in order to point out that you missed one dandelion.
There's nothing Matthew 7 about it at all in 90% of the real life cases I hear. And there was nothing Matthew 7 intended in my use of it either.
Okay now I'm understanding your definition of it better. In your examples I would have called the woman on the phone, critical, the teenager negative, the dandelion finder a nit-picker.
None of these would fit my definition of judgmental, which I think is actually always very Matthew 7 to me.
I do agree with your point that my remark to AmyBo about the c-word, while only meant as a mild criticism, was meaner than what you said about your fellow church members because, right, they can't hear you. They weren't hurt, AmyBo might have been.
While keeping in mind that I have no problem at all with your church thread -- I only used it as an example -- I still would define that thread as judgmental by my own Matthew 7 definition. While they wont hear it or be hurt by it, it is still judging them in the sense of saying that they aren't coming up to Jesus' standards in the same way that gossiping about someone who was seen going to a strip club would be.
Judging is a serious word to me, the punishment for it is huge. That's why I want to define it more exactly than your Webster definition has done.
To me, it always has some religious failing implied.
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
Okay, then this is mainly a semantics misfire, and it's all okay. That's good.
But as for judging people, the New Testament doesn't rule that entirely out of court. Yes, we have Matthew 7;1, but we also have 1 Corinthians 5: quote: 9 I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— 10 not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. 11 But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. 12 For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? 13 God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.”
According to this (and a few similar passages) we actually have the responsibility to judge in one particular case: when someone who claims the name "Christian" is involved major known sin, and does not repent. I'd say major repeated failure to give an effective fuck about an old lady's foreclosure probably qualifies. What you OUGHT to be scolding me about is simply ranting here in Hell rather than confronting the people responsible. My judgement is too wimpy.
To which my only weak defense is that I've done it several times already, and it's like water off a duck's back. And in my opinion escalating it further would only hurt everybody. [ 23. May 2016, 00:14: Message edited by: Lamb Chopped ]
-------------------- Er, this is what I've been up to (book). Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Anselmina: It's hard to think of a positive application of the word 'judgemental'.
Possibly because there exists none? It is a pejorative term, with the word excessive in its definition.
-------------------- I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning Hallellou, hallellou
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saysay
 Ship's Praying Mantis
# 6645
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Posted
I'd say part of the distinction between what counts as critical and what counts as judgmental depends on whether or not you're judging the whole person based on one (sometimes small) flaw.
"I don't like the word cunt" is different from "People who use the word cunt are bad and wrong for doing so" which is not "People who use the word cunt are misogynistic jerks who have no redeeming qualities"
-------------------- "It's been a long day without you, my friend I'll tell you all about it when I see you again" "'Oh sweet baby purple Jesus' - that's a direct quote from a 9 year old - shoutout to purple Jesus."
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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by saysay: "I don't like the word cunt"
Not judgemental quote:
is different from "People who use the word cunt are bad and wrong for doing so"
This is judgemental and differs from your last example only in tone slightly. Perhaps, "it is bad to use the word cunt and people are wrong for doing so"? quote:
"People who use the word cunt are misogynistic jerks who have no redeeming qualities"
Definitely judgemental. [ 24. May 2016, 04:59: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
-------------------- I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning Hallellou, hallellou
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by no prophet's flag is set so...: Judgemental is one of those intolertant words which we traditionally love to nicely invalidate.
Cunt is not such a word. It is at the level of nigger, wagon-burner, retard and paki where I live.
Wagon burner? No an insult I've come across. Is it North American specific?
Huia
-------------------- Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333
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Posted
I did a search and it is aimed at American Indian/First Nations people. Refers to the trope of burning settler's wagons. So, yeah.
-------------------- I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning Hallellou, hallellou
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Ethne Alba
Shipmate
# 5804
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Posted
When Jesus chucked the furniture around... was he being judgemental? And if not....are we splitting hairs with our language?
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Anselmina
Ship's barmaid
# 3032
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Posted
I suppose Jesus was 'judging' rather than 'being jdugemental'. And in his case, he was judging correctly the motives and effects of the people and situation he got involved in.
-------------------- Irish dogs needing homes! http://www.dogactionwelfaregroup.ie/ Greyhounds and Lurchers are shipped over to England for rehoming too!
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Ethne Alba
Shipmate
# 5804
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Posted
Was his language at the time judgemental? I seem to recall he said some stuff?
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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Ethne Alba: Was his language at the time judgemental? I seem to recall he said some stuff?
The definition of judge mental is being excessively critical. It has naught to do with intensity.
-------------------- I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning Hallellou, hallellou
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Lyda*Rose
 Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
If you are the Judge, I guess you get to be judgemental. Us not so much. Personally, I know it's above my pay grade.
-------------------- "Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
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mdijon
Shipmate
# 8520
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Posted
Yet few are told not to be judgmental if they condemn ISIS, Western Imperialism or rape. At some point it is within our pay grade to judge.
-------------------- mdijon nojidm uoɿıqɯ ɯqıɿou ɯqıɿou uoɿıqɯ nojidm mdijon
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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by mdijon: Yet few are told not to be judgmental if they condemn ISIS, Western Imperialism or rape. At some point it is within our pay grade to judge.
Because most do not consider that condemnation excessive.
-------------------- I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning Hallellou, hallellou
Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008
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mdijon
Shipmate
# 8520
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Posted
I'm not sure if that's a because or simply a restatement of the fact. Either way my point was that it isn't necessarily to do with pay grades.
-------------------- mdijon nojidm uoɿıqɯ ɯqıɿou ɯqıɿou uoɿıqɯ nojidm mdijon
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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333
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Posted
I'm saying condemning your examples is judging, but not judgmental. Pay grade has naught to do with it.
-------------------- I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning Hallellou, hallellou
Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008
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Twilight
 Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
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Posted
In my most lenient definition, nothing is judgmental if it doesn't imply that the whole person is evil and going to Hell. Saying, "He is a whoremonger who will burn in Hell," is judg mental, where, "You keep going to those brothels. You really ought to stop, don't you think," is critical and probably all up in his business when you shouldn't be, but not judgmental. When Jesus said, "Judge not lest ye be judged," I really thought he was talking about the first kind. Deciding that a woman is such a sinner she should be stoned to death --judgmental. Saying she committed adultery and that's a breach of a commandment -- not judgmental.
The incident with the money changers never seemed that big a deal to me. People use it to say, "Jesus got angry," "Jesus judged," but I just see that example as of a parent who is fed up. He has told his kids a dozen times not to eat in their rooms because it attracts ants, and he goes in and finds chips and sandwiches and throws them out the window to the dogs, to make his point.
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Doc Tor
Deepest Red
# 9748
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Posted
You want me to move this thread to somewhere else where you can discuss what a judge used to do in ancient times?
He didn't sit in the high seat and tut at you. He sat in the high seat, alone, and ordered your execution. To my mind, being judgemental isn't about being discerning. It's about passing sentence.
And currently, I'm feeling judgemental about this thread.
DT HH
-------------------- Forward the New Republic
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Mertseger
 Faerie Bard
# 4534
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Posted
No, please! I think they're just about to get to the number of angels which can dance on the head of a pin, and I await their further judgments and discernments and criticalities on tenterhooks of bated breath.
-------------------- Go and be who you are: The Body of Christ, The Goddess of Body, The Manifest Song of Faerie.
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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333
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Posted
The Martin60 thread is over one.
-------------------- I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning Hallellou, hallellou
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mousethief
 Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by lilBuddha: The Martin60 thread is over one.
It was over before it started.
-------------------- This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by mousethief: quote: Originally posted by lilBuddha: The Martin60 thread is over one.
It was over before it started.
Pretty much. He only contacts reality if forced to by the hosts
-------------------- I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning Hallellou, hallellou
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mdijon
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# 8520
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quote: Originally posted by Mertseger: I think they're just about to get to the number of angels which can dance on the head of a pin
That seems rather judgmental of you. And lilBuddha.... I think that's what I said?
-------------------- mdijon nojidm uoɿıqɯ ɯqıɿou ɯqıɿou uoɿıqɯ nojidm mdijon
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lilBuddha
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by mdijon: And lilBuddha.... I think that's what I said?
My bad, I read your post wrong.
-------------------- I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning Hallellou, hallellou
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