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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Interesting (for the wrong reasons) church signs
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Horseman Bree
Shipmate
# 5290
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Posted
Sign in front of rural Baptist church:
Summer Worship 10 AM
Can you justify it?
Are we worshiping summer?
Are we discussing whether one should worship in the summer time (which is fairly short hereabouts)?
How many other ways can we read this?
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It's Not That Simple
Posts: 5372 | From: more herring choker than bluenose | Registered: Dec 2003
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
Well, the way you've posted it, the type isn't justified...
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Baptist Trainfan
Shipmate
# 15128
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Posted
Nor is the writing of AM instead of a.m. ...
But we know what you mean!
It's a bit like those signs you see advertising "Giant Plant Sale" ... I've only got a small garden, so there's no point in me going.
Posts: 9750 | From: The other side of the Severn | Registered: Sep 2009
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
Or "Heavy Plant Crossing", which, in our family, always led to remarks about triffids.
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
'Stable manure'. You don't want to think about unstable.
ETA. That wasn't outside a church. And unlikely to be, unless there is one staging a very realistic Nativity Play.
[ 16. August 2016, 07:57: Message edited by: Firenze ]
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Baptist Trainfan
Shipmate
# 15128
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Penny S:
Or "Heavy Plant Crossing", which, in our family, always led to remarks about triffids.
And in ours.
There are of course the apocryphal signs outside churches which say things such as "Weight Watchers meet here, enter via the large double doors at the back". Allegedly, too, one church had over its main entrance the text: "This is none other than the house of God, and this is the gate of heaven" but underneath: "Closed in winter months to conserve heat, please use other door".
Posts: 9750 | From: The other side of the Severn | Registered: Sep 2009
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Leorning Cniht
Shipmate
# 17564
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:
It's a bit like those signs you see advertising "Giant Plant Sale" ... I've only got a small garden, so there's no point in me going.
Every year there's a sign that appears outside my local garden centre saying "Sod Today". I often agree with it.
Posts: 5026 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2013
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Baptist Trainfan
Shipmate
# 15128
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Posted
There is (again allegedly) a story of a person who saw a poster outside a church saying, "Jesus Saves" and said, "Yes, I really must get to the bank and sort out my savings".
Posts: 9750 | From: The other side of the Severn | Registered: Sep 2009
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SvitlanaV2
Shipmate
# 16967
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Posted
Yeah...
In Britain I don't think you really get weird and/or mirth-inducing church signs these days. Most church leaders must be vaguely aware of the old jokes about unintended puns, and awkward juxtapositions can be avoided with a little thought.
One reason could be that church ministers are better educated than they used to be, and congregations more middle class. Many of the small working class Nonconformist and independent churches have closed, and the CofE never went in for grand noticeboard announcements about salvation, etc. anyway.
The newer denominations and sectarian groups seem to keep the verbiage outside their church buildings to a minimum. They might direct people to their website for more info.
Literate church graffiti is also less common than it used to be. There's mindless tagging, but attempts to be witty, or to express some radical or alternative theology, are rare. Secularisation has probably made churches less obvious or less interesting objects of the graffiti artist's attention. And CCTV is everywhere....
Posts: 6668 | From: UK | Registered: Feb 2012
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
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Posted
Oooh. Somebody's just got to Mystery Worship that one!
On a related note: Some funeral homes in our area advertise "Full cremation $625." How much for a partial one, then?
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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
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Higgs Bosun
Shipmate
# 16582
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Penny S:
Or "Heavy Plant Crossing", which, in our family, always led to remarks about triffids.
That one reminds me of the old song "the biggest aspidistra in the world".
Posts: 313 | From: Near the Tidal Thames | Registered: Aug 2011
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L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
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Posted
I love the old road sign that states Soft Verges - its puts me in mind of a chap leading a procession with a drooping wand ![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
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Baptist Trainfan
Shipmate
# 15128
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
On a related note: Some funeral homes in our area advertise "Full cremation $625." How much for a partial one, then?
Again allegedly - the barber who advertised "Hair cut while you wait". Well, you know what they meant, but ...!
Posts: 9750 | From: The other side of the Severn | Registered: Sep 2009
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Baptist Trainfan
Shipmate
# 15128
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
I love the old road sign that states Soft Verges - its puts me in mind of a chap leading a procession with a drooping wand
With a more veterinary feel: look at this sign. Mind you, help is clearly at hand.
Posts: 9750 | From: The other side of the Severn | Registered: Sep 2009
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georgiaboy
Shipmate
# 11294
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Posted
A church sign seen by a friend of mine somewhere in rural Alabama:
Seven Seeds in the Spirit Sun-Rising Apostolic Baptist Church of Jesus Christ with Signs Following
He said that it seemed to be written in chalk, as if they could add to it as the Spirit moved them.
With all of that I presume there was no room for a sermon title!
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You can't retire from a calling.
Posts: 1675 | From: saint meinrad, IN | Registered: Apr 2006
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Hugal
Shipmate
# 2734
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Posted
Outside one of the Churches in Ealing West London was a sign saying
Christ the Savior for 150 Years.
I thought is was about 2000
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I have never done this trick in these trousers before.
Posts: 1887 | From: london | Registered: Apr 2002
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no prophet's flag is set so...
Proceed to see sea
# 15560
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Posted
The town of Climax (Saskatchewan) United Church sign used to read "Climax United, Come Again". But they meant the joke.
Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010
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The5thMary
Shipmate
# 12953
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
Well, the way you've posted it, the type isn't justified...
![[Overused]](graemlins/notworthy.gif)
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God gave me my face but She let me pick my nose.
Posts: 3451 | From: Tacoma, WA USA | Registered: Aug 2007
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Schroedinger's cat
Ship's cool cat
# 64
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Posted
A church near us does sometimes have really bad signs. Things like "If you're feeling low and depressed, come and join us". But I haven't noticed anything currently ( I will check today!)
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Blog
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Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.
Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
Many years ago the Vicar of an Anglican church in Wellington (NZ) wrote a book which was sold from the church office. The noticeboard outside the church read Sin in the City 2/6
Huia
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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SvitlanaV2
Shipmate
# 16967
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
A church near us does sometimes have really bad signs. Things like "If you're feeling low and depressed, come and join us".
Why is that bad?
Posts: 6668 | From: UK | Registered: Feb 2012
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Galloping Granny
Shipmate
# 13814
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Posted
Those lists of probably mythical church signs and newsletter items have hopefully run their course, but as church newsletter editor I'd be sent them every few years by someone who'd just had them pop up in their emailer and thought I'd love to have them for space fillers. I never had the heart to say 'I've had that lot in my files for five years and haven't ever managed to use one of them'.
When I go to the dentist I park where the sign says 'PATIENT CAR PARK'.
GG
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The Kingdom of Heaven is spread upon the earth, and men do not see it. Gospel of Thomas, 113
Posts: 2629 | From: Matarangi | Registered: Jun 2008
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Galloping Granny
Shipmate
# 13814
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Posted
Thought I'd check out one or two older New Zealand MWs, and in this one found a stained glass widow.
Bit of careless proof-reading there.
GG
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The Kingdom of Heaven is spread upon the earth, and men do not see it. Gospel of Thomas, 113
Posts: 2629 | From: Matarangi | Registered: Jun 2008
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SvitlanaV2
Shipmate
# 16967
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by SvitlanaV2:
quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
A church near us does sometimes have really bad signs. Things like "If you're feeling low and depressed, come and join us".
Why is that bad?
On reflection, it's a rather unBritish thing for a church to say. Most of us are somewhat cynical about what a church can 'do' for someone feeling low, and I suppose it's considered unseemly for churches to have inflated beliefs about their own usefulness.
OTOH, the message might be relevant to the demographic that tends to feel at home at their church. Hassled agnostic accountants fed up with the commute and dreaming of the holiday in Cornwall are probably not the target readership.
Myself, I'm not keen on signs that say 'All welcome'.
Posts: 6668 | From: UK | Registered: Feb 2012
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
There's a church in Sarf Lun'non which once had a large board propped up on the side of the building with a succession of handpainted messages to reach out to the passing traffic jam. They have now graduated to a couple of boards mounted to face both directions along the road, but none of them have repeated the one which my friend and I felt utterly repulsive.
Left half of the board, unexceptionally, "God Loves You". Right half of the board "And if you do not love Him, you will go to Hell."
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Galloping Granny:
Those lists of probably mythical church signs and newsletter items have hopefully run their course, but as church newsletter editor I'd be sent them every few years by someone who'd just had them pop up in their emailer and thought I'd love to have them for space fillers. I never had the heart to say 'I've had that lot in my files for five years and haven't ever managed to use one of them'.
GG
I don't think they will EVER run their course. I have worked at two churches -- one pre-internet and one more recently. At both churches I had numerous people share those bloopers with me thinking they were so clever, and of course I would want to publish them in the newsletter.
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Schroedinger's cat
Ship's cool cat
# 64
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by SvitlanaV2:
quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
A church near us does sometimes have really bad signs. Things like "If you're feeling low and depressed, come and join us".
Why is that bad?
I can't remember the exact wording, but the implication was that we are low and depressed too, so come and join us in misery.
Currently it is just naff, not funny. Sorry.
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Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.
Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
I was in the Oxfam bookshop in Sevenoaks and saw an entire book of American church signs.
I left it there.
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Erik
Shipmate
# 11406
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Posted
There is a church near us which often has oddly worded signs. Recently they had a sign saying 'We love hurting people'. ![[Ultra confused]](graemlins/confused2.gif)
I think they meant they are loving to people who are hurt.
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One day I will think of something worth saying here.
Posts: 96 | From: Leeds, UK | Registered: May 2006
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beatmenace
Shipmate
# 16955
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Posted
I have been to several shops claiming to be holding a 'Mammoth Sale' but have never yet been able to find a single Mammoth , for sale or otherwise.
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"I'm the village idiot , aspiring to great things." (The Icicle Works)
Posts: 297 | From: Whitley Bay | Registered: Feb 2012
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Teekeey Misha
Shipmate
# 18604
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Posted
There was, of course, the case of a parish church whose driveway was frequently blocked by parked cars. In the interest of fire brigade access, the local council stepped in and painted markings on the road outside. Cue oft-published internet meme of a church marked "KEEP CLEAR" in large letters.
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Misha
Don't assume I don't care; sometimes I just can't be bothered to put you right.
Posts: 296 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2016
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Teekeey Misha:
There was, of course, the case of a parish church whose driveway was frequently blocked by parked cars. In the interest of fire brigade access, the local council stepped in and painted markings on the road outside. Cue oft-published internet meme of a church marked "KEEP CLEAR" in large letters.
We sent one in to the Ship and it was published on the Signs and Blunders page. In fact, I've just been to look and it is still there - a small picture on the right. The church in question is in Buckinghamshire. (Well it might be - there are several small pics which keep changing....)
[ 02. September 2016, 20:32: Message edited by: Chorister ]
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
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Posted
At this church (scroll down to the bottom) you apparently risk arrest by attending.
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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
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bib
Shipmate
# 13074
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Posted
Not a church sign, but on a window at the local butchers the sign read: LAMB MINCE, BEEF MINCE, PET MINCE. I couldn't help myself and I went into the shop and asked what sort of pets had been minced. I haven't dared enter that shop since as I think they might mince me.
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"My Lord, my Life, my Way, my End, accept the praise I bring"
Posts: 1307 | From: Australia | Registered: Oct 2007
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by bib:
Not a church sign, but on a window at the local butchers the sign read: LAMB MINCE, BEEF MINCE, PET MINCE. I couldn't help myself and I went into the shop and asked what sort of pets had been minced. I haven't dared enter that shop since as I think they might mince me.
The sign saying 'Rabbits, for pets or food' was quite genuine - it was a painted sign outside a farm in Cornwall when I was young.
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061
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Posted
Along about the time the movie version of Watership Down came out there was a photo of a butcher shop window. The sign said, "You've seen the movie! Now eat the cast!"
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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page
Posts: 6378 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014
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Gill H
Shipmate
# 68
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Posted
Which reminds me - in my town there is a Bright Eyes Nursery, and the sign features two Miffy-style rabbits.
Nooooo!
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*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.
- Lyda Rose
Posts: 9313 | From: London | Registered: May 2001
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beatmenace
Shipmate
# 16955
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Posted
One I liked back in 1983 was on a Liverpool Church , following the death of Soviet leader Yuri Andropov.
Andropov was a Russian former commander of the KGB who was dedicated to "the destruction of dissent in all its forms" and who's memorable quotes included "the struggle for human rights was a part of a wide-ranging imperialist plot to undermine the foundation of the Soviet state".
He was directly responsible for the imprisonment and execution of a fair number of Christians, among many other dissidents.
The morning after his death - this church had put a sign up which just said.
"Now Andropov knows"
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"I'm the village idiot , aspiring to great things." (The Icicle Works)
Posts: 297 | From: Whitley Bay | Registered: Feb 2012
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
Two of my favourites:
A sign on a wall saying 'Vicar' below a hole in the wall shaped like a small cross. Guess, like the camel through an eye of a needle, only men of the cloth could fit through the hole....
A large bin with the word 'Church' on it. We truly live in straightened times...
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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argona
Shipmate
# 14037
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Posted
There's a church near me, sign has the usual things - the denomination, service times etc - and then it just says 'Pastor L Bent'. Hope he or she at least gets their flock headed the other way.
Posts: 327 | From: Oriental dill patch? (4,7) | Registered: Aug 2008
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by argona:
There's a church near me, sign has the usual things - the denomination, service times etc - and then it just says 'Pastor L Bent'. Hope he or she at least gets their flock headed the other way.
Saw one once with 'Pastor Way'. Hope he went to the other place, too!
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Chorister:
quote:
Originally posted by argona:
There's a church near me, sign has the usual things - the denomination, service times etc - and then it just says 'Pastor L Bent'. Hope he or she at least gets their flock headed the other way.
Saw one once with 'Pastor Way'. Hope he went to the other place, too!
There used to be (may still be) a Rev. Wright Hand in Tucson, Arizona.
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Baptist Trainfan
Shipmate
# 15128
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Posted
I know personally a "Rev. Sermon" - in fact I'll probably seeing him in a couple of weeks. And very good he is, too.
Posts: 9750 | From: The other side of the Severn | Registered: Sep 2009
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Eirenist
Shipmate
# 13343
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Posted
There is or was, reputedly,a sign over the shop front of a hire car business in a small town in Ireland. Over the left hand window it read 'SELF DRIVE', over the right hand one it read 'FUNERALS'.
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'I think I think, therefore I think I am'
Posts: 486 | From: Darkest Metroland | Registered: Jan 2008
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
In the village where I grew up, there was a Reverend Fairbeard. I'm not sure about the spelling now, but he had to marry two people with the surnames 'Razor' and 'Shave'.
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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argona
Shipmate
# 14037
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Posted
Off topic I know, but at one place I worked, among the customers were a Mr Lusty and a Miss Sex. Really. We kinda longed for them to meet, marry and hyphenate.
Posts: 327 | From: Oriental dill patch? (4,7) | Registered: Aug 2008
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Moo
Ship's tough old bird
# 107
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Posted
Among my relatives was a woman whose last name was Slaughter. She married a man named Battle.
Moo
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Kerygmania host
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See you later, alligator.
Posts: 20365 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001
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