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Source: (consider it) Thread: Romantic relationships between Christians and non-Christians
Doc Tor
Deepest Red
# 9748

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quote:
Originally posted by Little-jon:
I see someone who's goes to one of those 'clear biblical teaching' con-evo type churches. It's a tough journey - her family apply a lot of pressure on our relationship - I'm a old school C of E / faith is personal always questioning but hopeful liberal type of Christian. - So I may as well be a lion feeding militant atheist to them.

I went to one of those con-evo type churches too. As did the unwed Mrs Tor.

We're no longer at that church, and neither are a whole swathe of people who were at that church, leaving for varied ecclesial destinations and sometimes none.

As others have mentioned, people change in all kinds of ways, their beliefs and priorities, and all manner of behaviours. The idea that you, her, or her parents, are going to be the same in 20 years time as you all are now is preposterous.

(Welcome to the Ship. Don't forget we're moving boats tomorrow!)

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Forward the New Republic

Posts: 9131 | From: Ultima Thule | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged
Little-jon
Apprentice
# 18888

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quote:
Originally posted by Doc Tor:
I went to one of those con-evo type churches too. As did the unwed Mrs Tor.

We're no longer at that church, and neither are a whole swathe of people who were at that church, leaving for varied ecclesial destinations and sometimes none.

As others have mentioned, people change in all kinds of ways, their beliefs and priorities, and all manner of behaviours. The idea that you, her, or her parents, are going to be the same in 20 years time as you all are now is preposterous.

(Welcome to the Ship. Don't forget we're moving boats tomorrow!)

Thanks guys for the welcome - i've been lurking a while..

After my initial outrage i've naturally softened my stance.. Which after looking at the accounts was that the church was some kind of free property portfolio for the benifit of its many ministers!

I suspect Doc we are talking about the same place..

Anyway! Don't want to derail the thread - I think it can be healthy to have a balanced view - always a chance a fully commited conservative Christian couple could end up in all sorts of weirdness..

Posts: 2 | From: North | Registered: Dec 2017  |  IP: Logged
Doc Tor
Deepest Red
# 9748

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quote:
Originally posted by Little-jon:
I suspect Doc we are talking about the same place.

Yes, I imagine we probably are... [Biased]

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Forward the New Republic

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mr cheesy
Shipmate
# 3330

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I've been reflecting on this thing about compatibility.

I thought I was compatible with my wife in a range of ways, it turned out that it was much more complicated (and also a whole lot simpler) than I could ever have imagined.

Without going into specifics, our relationship isn't really built on deep theological compatibility, on bashed out joint positions on politics, or because we think in similar ways on a range of difficult topics. We don't.

My wife's brain (a phrase I never thought I would type here) is completely different to mine. She wastes very little time thinking about philosophy and theology, her deep thoughts are in a completely different direction that I only have a sketchy idea about. I think our relationship works, at least on some level, because we don't argue on any great intellectual level.

And the other side is about toleration. Our lives are a stable mess, we tend to tolerate each other's mess.

I think it'd be much more difficult to live with an ultra-tidy person than a person of a different religion - although clearly the latter would be very complicated, especially with regard to wider family and relations.

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arse

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Morgan
Shipmate
# 15372

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quote:
Originally posted by Zoey:
Romantic relationships between Christians and non-Christians:

* Are they sinful?

* Are they unwise?

* Does it make any difference whether the non-Christian is an adherent of another faith, an agnostic or an atheist?

No.
Not necessarily.
I don't think so.

No-one in my family for generations has ever married anyone of exactly the same faith background although some have married other varieties of Christians.

Generally speaking, most were strongly committed to their own churches or beliefs and remained so. All the children of these marriages were taken to Christian churches by one of the parents with the agreement of the other.

I am an Anglican priest married to an agnostic. My brother is a Christian and is also married to an agnostic/atheist. As a child, my daughter came to church with me. My husband pottered around the garden. My nephew and niece went to church with my brother while their mother did her own thing at home.

Faith (with details accepted and not resented) and family were of paramount importance.

The common factor for long-term success seems to be, as many have said, mutual respect and support for who you both are and might become over time.

Posts: 111 | From: Canberra | Registered: Dec 2009  |  IP: Logged
Barnabas62
Host
# 9110

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quote:
Originally posted by mr cheesy:
I've been reflecting on this thing about compatibility.

I thought I was compatible with my wife in a range of ways, it turned out that it was much more complicated (and also a whole lot simpler) than I could ever have imagined.

Without going into specifics, our relationship isn't really built on deep theological compatibility, on bashed out joint positions on politics, or because we think in similar ways on a range of difficult topics. We don't.

My wife's brain (a phrase I never thought I would type here) is completely different to mine. She wastes very little time thinking about philosophy and theology, her deep thoughts are in a completely different direction that I only have a sketchy idea about. I think our relationship works, at least on some level, because we don't argue on any great intellectual level.

And the other side is about toleration. Our lives are a stable mess, we tend to tolerate each other's mess.

I think it'd be much more difficult to live with an ultra-tidy person than a person of a different religion - although clearly the latter would be very complicated, especially with regard to wider family and relations.

Such good stuff in that.

I heard a speaker at a conference observe this way about attraction of opposites.

"Now if I was God, I would guide a person of one temperament meet a person of very similar temperament, outlook and vision, so they would marry and live harmoniously ever after.

But the truth is that people of very different temperaments seem to attract one another and if they marry, spend the years of their marriage rowing and sorting out the consequences of their different temperaments!"

Actually, there is a real positive value in a marriage between folks with different temperaments. Because we tend to see the world and our issues differently, we can share together the richness of those differences. We see differently, so we see more of what might be true, or significant. Once we stop trying to "correct" each other straight away, start listening first.

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Who is it that you seek? How then shall we live? How shall we sing the Lord's song in a strange land?

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Eutychus
From the edge
# 3081

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The trainer on the counselling course I attended describes marriage as "the meeting of two neuroses".

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Let's remember that we are to build the Kingdom of God, not drive people away - pastor Frank Pomeroy

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mr cheesy
Shipmate
# 3330

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quote:
Originally posted by Barnabas62:

Actually, there is a real positive value in a marriage between folks with different temperaments. Because we tend to see the world and our issues differently, we can share together the richness of those differences. We see differently, so we see more of what might be true, or significant. Once we stop trying to "correct" each other straight away, start listening first.

Actually I think all people have different temperaments and often trouble is caused by couples not recognising - or in denial about - their differences.

That said I'm not pretending my relationship is any kind of ideal. I'm sure others would find it intolerable; the best that can be said is that it works for us.

I suppose I also have an old fashioned belief in sacrifice in marriage. In dark days I reflect on who I could have been, and yet I have chosen to sacrifice those dreams and instead live in this family.

And, again, it seems to me that problems often arise when one person believes it is the job if the other to do all the sacrificing.

I'm not sure how this helps with dating though.

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arse

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Barnabas62
Host
# 9110

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quote:
Originally posted by mr cheesy:

And, again, it seems to me that problems often arise when one person believes it is the job if the other to do all the sacrificing.

I'm not sure how this helps with dating though.

If the rosy-tinted spectacles don't get in the way, spotting that kind of selfish tendency in a romantic relationship is a big warning flag. But of course one of the other issues is that people tend to be on their best behaviour in the early stages. So the combo of that and the rosy-tinted spectacles can obscure underlying stuff.

[ 28. February 2018, 09:25: Message edited by: Barnabas62 ]

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Who is it that you seek? How then shall we live? How shall we sing the Lord's song in a strange land?

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Gwai
Host
# 11076

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I also think that if I'd married someone of my own temperament we'd have no one to support us because we'd both need support in the same ways or at the same time. As it is, different stuff throws us off and we are broken in different ways, so it works very well. In fact, I'd say that we are most likely to have trouble in the places where we are very similar.

I think my relationship is better because we share a faith. But then I also think my relationship is better for other serious things we share. If we shared a love of writing instead of sharing a faith? That would probably work too as long as he continued to be supportive of the interest he didn't share.

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A master of men was the Goodly Fere,
A mate of the wind and sea.
If they think they ha’ slain our Goodly Fere
They are fools eternally.


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Albertus
Shipmate
# 13356

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quote:
Originally posted by leo:
How boring to go out with another Christian. Opposites attract.

Mind you,I couldn't share much time with a Tory. Nor an evangelical.

So you won't be having a passionate gay fling with Lord Shaftesbury in the afterlife, then? [Big Grin]

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My beard is a testament to my masculinity and virility, and demonstrates that I am a real man. Trouble is, bits of quiche sometimes get caught in it.

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