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Source: (consider it) Thread: The four sinning nuns
Simon

Editor
# 1

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This joke submitted by Sarkycow:

Four nuns are standing in line at the gates of heaven. Peter asks the first if she has ever sinned.

"Well, once I looked at a man's penis," she said.

"Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven," Peter told her.

He then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned.

"Well, once I held a man's penis," she replied. "Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven," he said.

Just then the fourth nun pushed ahead of the third nun.

"Why did you push ahead in line?" asked Peter.

"Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!" replied the nun.

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Simon J blog

Posts: 3729 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged
The Scrumpmeister
Ship’s Taverner
# 5638

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[Killing me] [Killing me]

Thank you for this.

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'It has happened that men have sinned immensely in the open but have done greater deeds in secret, so that those who would disparage them have been fooled, with smoke instead of sunlight in their eyes.' - St John of the Ladder

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dj_ordinaire
Host
# 4643

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I'd heard it before but still find it hilarious... Best one yet!

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No stranger he; it was our eyes Which failed to see the stranger's guise/The Lord who, risen from the dead, met us when ready to be fed.

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Esmeralda

Ship's token UK Mennonite
# 582

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Both very funny and very offensive. I've known some fabulous nuns and I dislike mockery of their sacrificial way of life. I also dislike male fantasies of all nuns being secret nymphomaniacs.

I'm ashamed of laughing at it, but it's funny because it's clever.

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I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand.

http://reversedstandard.wordpress.com/

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mr cheesy
Shipmate
# 3330

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Ah. When it comes down to it, bottom jokes are the only offensive ones.

[Paranoid]

Not funny, not offensive.

C

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Arrest me - I'm wearing a t-shirt.

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Gill H

Shipmate
# 68

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quote:
Originally posted by Cheesy*:
Ah. When it comes down to it, bottom jokes are the only offensive ones.

If you're a fundamentalist.

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In memoriam Erin Etheredge, 8 May 1971 - 30 December 2010. May her memory be eternal.

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Iggy
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# 8833

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YES YES YES

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ig

Posts: 127 | From: Brighton | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged
Glimmer

Ship's Lantern
# 4540

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Haven't heard it before. 4 out of 10. Not offended.

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The original, unchanged 4540.
The Temple area, Ankh Morpork

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Alicïa
Shipmate
# 7668

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[Killing me] very funny, could be considered mildly offensive but no Fatwah, No one really thinks Nuns are like that, so why be offended?

[ 05. July 2005, 15:18: Message edited by: Lady Alicia of Scouseland ]

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"The tendency to turn human judgments into divine commands makes religion one of the most dangerous forces in the world." Georgia Elma Harkness

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Foolhearty
Shipmate
# 6196

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Didn't like it -- found it unfunny, and also quite offensive.

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Fear doesn't empty tomorrow of its perils; it empties today of its power.

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Boreal
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# 9550

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The thing is, the reason Nuns (or Priests, in a lot of these types of jokes) turn up as opposed to say Vicars or Rabbis is that they're the ones best known for taking a vow of celibacy accross the board. I mean if you substituted in a CofE vicar, they might have been married and so on, which takes all the humor out of it. So I don't think it is so much Anti-Catholic (and therefore not offensive to Catholics) as just a convenient way to have the joke. I mean "Four people who'd devoted their lives to God AND taken a vow of celibacy appeared at St. Peter's one day" doesn't reallly scan, now does it? Same thing with the priests and the purity test.

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I think that God, in creating Man, somewhat overestimated His abilities. - Oscar Wilde

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Suze

Ship's Barmaid
# 5639

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Finally, one I found funny! To be honest I'm not sure I would have found it any less funny using any group of women, celibate or not.

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' You stay here and I'll go look for God, that won't be hard cos I know where he's not, and I will bring him back with me , then he'll listen , then he'll see' Richard Shindell

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Newman's Own
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# 420

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Now that I've heard this one, lots of nuns are going to be laughing when I repeat it - very clever.

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Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn

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hatless

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# 3365

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Brilliant! It out anticipates the hearer. But not at all offensive.

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Buried in Northampton
Piano players I have loved

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Midnight Scholar
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# 9112

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quote:
Originally posted by Gill H:
quote:
Originally posted by Cheesy*:
Ah. When it comes down to it, bottom jokes are the only offensive ones.

If you're a fundamentalist.
This is funnier than the original joke! Thanks Gill H. [Overused]

mn

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Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth.
Deal with it.

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Timothy the Obscure

Mostly Friendly
# 292

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The original version I heard involved four teenage girls in line at the confessional--it was actually funnier that way.

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I celebrated Thanksgiving the old-fashioned way--I invited my neighbors to dinner, then I killed them and stole their land.
--Jon Stewart

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Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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The original original, IMO, is about the 3 soldiers reporting sick. The MO asks each what he's suffering from, prescribes the treatment, and then, by way of social interaction, what his ambition is.

1st soldier: 'Piles, Sah!'
MO: 'Wire brush and DDT. And your ambition, soldier?'
1st soldier: 'Be a good soldier, Sah!'
2nd soldier: 'Touch of the clap, Sah!'
MO: 'Wire brush and DDT. And want do you want to be?'
2nd soldier: 'Credit to my regiment, Sah!'
3rd soldier: 'Sore throat, Sah!'
MO: 'Wire brush and DDT. And your ambition?'
3rd soldier: 'First one to the wire brush and DDT, Sah!'

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LeRoc

Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216

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quote:
Simon: This joke submitted by Sarkycow:
She beat me to this one [Biased]

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I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)

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Newman's Own
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# 420

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There are two elements of this joke that I found especially funny (and nuns would know them very well.) Notice how, when Peter asks if they've ever sinned, the only sins they mention are related to sex - though nuns are no less sinful than others, their sins are rarely sexual. So, the good Sisters do not mention anything except the 'one time' they were really bad.

Though this other aspect is more often used as justification by some of the celibate priests rather than the women, another tired old idea is that 'it does not count' if there was no intercourse. At the time, justified - later, one recognises the sin. Very typical of celibates. (And before anyone takes offence, I am one - as far as I know, the only vowed celibate here.)

The joke did not offend me in the least. I'd be embarrassed only to mention how many times I repeated it today.... it took some of the stress off after the catastrophe.

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Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn

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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492

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Funny, but resembles not the sainted old ladies I know who have devoted their lives to God...

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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.

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Corpus cani

Ship's Anachronism
# 1663

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quote:
Originally posted by Sir Kevin:
Funny, but resembles not the sainted old ladies I know who have devoted their lives to God...

Nor indeed the young ones. Still laughed, though.
Corpus

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Bishop Lord Corpus Cani the Tremulous of Buzzing St Helens.

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Newman's Own
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# 420

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quote:
Originally posted by Sir Kevin:
Funny, but resembles not the sainted old ladies I know who have devoted their lives to God...

It does not resemble those whom I have known, either (young or old.) This is the sort of joke at which nuns would quietly laugh amongst themselves. It is all the funnier (in that limited circle, at least) because most nuns not only have been true to their vows of chastity but never had any intention of violating them.

I think that one of the reasons that jokes about nuns can be highly amusing is that there is a certain paradox within religious life. Many active Sisters, have had far above average exposure to much of the sordid in this world in the course of their ministries, yet maintain a certain innocence. There is a contrast between not being shocked by what would make others shudder (I'm not referring to sex - but to very sordid situations), yet being as naive as a child in other ways.

I entered at 25 - quite a bit older than the others. It always amused me when those who'd entered as teenagers spoke of how 'wild' they had been before then - I did not have the heart to tell them their lives had been about as wild as mine. Had one of the 'wild' ones confided that she'd looked at a man's penis, many of the others would have been astounded.

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Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn

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