Thread: Heaven: Twitterise famous bible stories Board: Limbo / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by Ancient Mariner (# 4) on :
Inspired by The Guardian's April Fool we wondered if it was time for a competition - famous bible stories twittered. EG:

If there are enough offerings on this thread we might put it out as a sponsored competition working with a third party.

Over 2U

[ 02. March 2011, 20:37: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
Posted by Foaming Draught (# 9134) on :
Gr8 reception from new cell tower @ Babel. But screen sez 中國電信股份有限公司 wtf?

Posted by Janine (# 3337) on :
Hw m I s'posed 2 hack Sam's hair off w/out a d'cent pr scssrs, idjit? Whse i-d ws thz gr8 d*m swrd?!?
Posted by Foaming Draught (# 9134) on :
Hi Gab, be an angel n call Virgin.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
I've never used Twitter, but it looks like an online version of texting (remember that competition?)

Think I'll sit back and look at other entries before joining in myself....
Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
OMG am in nudist gdn with 2 hippies!! 1 offrd me appl n/sure if spiked so sed no. 2 many animals here loadsacrap undrft, if u hear abt eden don't bothr, h&s shd cls it dwn.
Posted by Qlib (# 43) on :
All I sed wuz can i hav yur ass, spent nite in cazhulty, mist party. Lucky really. Shit from fuz. Jeezus wept. Trial b4 pilot (sp?) l8r
Posted by Ancient Mariner (# 4) on :
A good start - but remember, you only have 140 characters!
Posted by Foaming Draught (# 9134) on :
Wntd 2 tell u Animal Lib geezer offring free cruise bt got flood cntrl.

Posted by the parsley sage (# 12821) on :
I actually heard one on the radio last night. It was a Twitter Joseph-Jesus'-dad posted. I don't remember it exactly, but it was something along the lines of:
marys pregnant but im not the dad. sez its Gods. i think shes usin me 4 my donkey.
There was a bit extra (to use up the 140 characters), but as I said, I don't remember it.
Posted by Louise (# 30) on :
The Twitter account of Judah -

PaterFamilias1 @Onan Bad news, son! Your brother Er's snuffed it, you'll have to marry your ex sis-in-law and make babies

PaterFamilias1 @Onan What's wrong with her? She's a nice Jewish girl! Don't you 'Oh Dad' me

Tamar @All Friends Anyone know a good carpet cleaner?

Tamar @All Friends Bloody Hell! God's smote my husband! Funeral expenses AND the new carpet's ruined!

Tamar @ PaterFamilias1 Er... Good news father in law, the Kleenex bill's gone down! Bad news... I can has New Husband?

PaterFamilias1 @Tamar No, You cannot has New Husband! Not Yours!

PaterFamilias1 @Tamar And I mean No! Get a job in a Scottish widows ad!

PaterFamilias1 @Tamar No, I don't care there's a recession on.

PaterFamilias1 @All friends Phwoaaaaar! I met this really hot bird in hijab!

PaterFamilias1 @All friends But I think she nicked my wallet and ID

PaterFamilias1 @Tamar you filthy trollop, how dare you get up the duff! Stoning's too good for you!

Tamar @PaterFamilias1 Would you like your wallet back? It's the one with 'Bad Patriarch' stamped on it?

PaterFamilias1 @Tamar Er, you haven't dobbed me into child support have you?

Tamar @PaterFamilias1 PWND!!!!
Posted by Louise (# 30) on :
PS - that's the way me and my mates do Twitter. Not text speak - but just tweeting things as they happen.

[ 04. April 2009, 03:42: Message edited by: Louise ]
Posted by Sparrow (# 2458) on :
jonah@where: Shit it's dark in here
Posted by wheelie racer (# 13854) on :
woz ded: now not. alive 4evr.aLLELUIA
Posted by Janine (# 3337) on :
From Gideon:

G-D askng crzy task, is HE nutz r me? Will try shpskin test 1st, antiskiz meds if necess.
Posted by Angel Wrestler (# 13673) on :
Did u save the good wine for last or m I 2 drunk 2 notice the diff?
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :
sh!t that wz close. no more sacrificial xpeditions w dad.
Posted by Anselm (# 4499) on :
Nice day for a ride, might saddle up and head out with my mates War, Famine and Death. Unless that beast of an employer of mine has other plans.
Posted by Anselm (# 4499) on :
Apologies for the double post...

"He threw away our pigs and gave us back the madman we'd thrown out. Wuz we given a raw deal? or was the madman?"
Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :
Light. Heaven. Earth. Sea. Grass. Fruit. Sun. Moon. Fish. Cattle. Creatures. Man. Woman. It’s all good. Done now, gonna have a rest! G’nite!
Posted by Anselm (# 4499) on :
Gd's me grazier
I cn b lazier
Good food nice bed
Happy 2 walk thru d place of d dead
table's set milk's spilt
I will live in d hows Gd built
Posted by wesleyswig (# 5436) on :
Noah: tut tut, looks like rain

Noah: Looking for pieces of wood

Lion: Looking for companion for long voyage

Mrs Noah: Noah still in workshop *sigh*

Mr E.Vil: Oh crap - lots of rain

Noah: All aboard

Noah@allanimals: Get yourself in order, 2 by two, to ride to safety (hashtag great flood)

Mr E.VilJnr: Grrrr flood water seeping in - no escape

Noah: All aboard

Noah: Been at sea a while now

Mrs Noah: Getting board, not much to do - except clean/mop and polish

Lion: Getting bored, keeping getting told off for eyeing up tasty looking snacks on my shelf

Noah: I'm going mad

Noah: Suggering from cabin fever

Noah: Sending a dove out....

Dove: Eye spye a special leaf

Noah: Brilliant dove coming back

Dove: Landing!

Noah - Rainbow and bird in hand, what more do you want?


With Regards

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
Originally posted by Anselm:
Gd's me grazier
I cn b lazier
Good food nice bed
Happy 2 walk thru d place of d dead
table's set milk's spilt
I will live in d hows Gd built

Very nice, Anselm! I don't know from Twitter, but this works for me.
Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :

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