Ship of Fools: Hell: Why does Tori Amos suck so much?

Thread: Hell: Why does Tori Amos suck so much? Board: Limbo / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :

Myra, you're old and irrelevant now. Just stop annoying everybody with your inability to pick a singing range or a hair colour. The only people who still listen to you are losers.

[ 02. October 2015, 22:00: Message edited by: Ariston ]

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :

...

What's next? Making fun of seafoam green bicycles?

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :

I know little of her career, but she's done a lot of good work with RAINN.org.

Just adding a different perspective. Do continue with your rant. [Biased]

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

RooK's just being a gratuitously piss-mean buzzkill. In other words, rounding off his weekend.

I am sure a certain Someone will be along to explain what I mean by that in a moment.

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Ariston:
What's next? Making fun of seafoam green bicycles?

Why? Are seafoam green bicycles something about which I can taunt you - such that it is probably impossible for you to resist reacting to?

Brought to you by turquoise, the colour seafoam wishes it could be.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

Oh Rookie, darling. You're so sweet.

HUGS.

Keep it up and I'll post the lyrics of all 65 song that I heard in the 4 concerts I attended, plus I'll add the improvs and the couple of lines of "Posse Bonus" that she threw in at the last show of the tour.

Not here in Hell, either. I'll send them to you by SMS in the middle of the night.

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :

Orfeo [Overused]

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
Brought to you by turquoise, the colour seafoam wishes it could be.

Thunder wishes it could be the snow
Wishes it could be as loved as she can be

I heard that one for the first time live, in Sydney! But wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. That was song number 8. I should start at the beginning. Hang on, I'll PM you the first verse of Baker Baker.

[ 24. November 2014, 05:52: Message edited by: orfeo ]

Posted by Doc Tor (# 9748) on :

The Circus is that way --->

[Disappointed]

Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :

She can suck me anytime she wants.....

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

Honey, bring it close to my lips. - Professional Widow

Posted by IngoB (# 8700) on :

quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
Myra, you're old and irrelevant now. Just stop annoying everybody with your inability to pick a singing range or a hair colour. The only people who still listen to you are losers.

So cute, a lost boy scout looking for his camp...

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :

quote:
Originally posted by IngoB:
So cute, a lost boy scout looking for his camp...

Look at you, acting like you have no fucking clue that this is an inside joke - even after it was explicitly pointed out.

Posted by IngoB (# 8700) on :

quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
Look at you, acting like you have no fucking clue that this is an inside joke - even after it was explicitly pointed out.

Please note that posting here is the equivalent of drawing a big, fat bull's eye on your butt.

Posted by Doc Tor (# 9748) on :

quote:
Originally posted by IngoB:

quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
Look at you, acting like you have no fucking clue that this is an inside joke - even after it was explicitly pointed out.
Please note that posting here is the equivalent of drawing a big, fat bull's eye on your butt.

Is it too much to ask for the Hellions to able to hit that target, just once in a while?

Better luck next time, Ingo.

Posted by saysay (# 6645) on :

Tori Amos released an album after Little Earthquakes?

Who knew.

Posted by LeRoc (# 3216) on :

I'm blissfully unaware of how much Tori Amos sucks.

Posted by Uncle Pete (# 10422) on :

I, happily, am quite unaware about who Tori Amos is and why or what she sucks.

Leave me my innocence.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by saysay:
Tori Amos released an album after Little Earthquakes?

Who knew.

I always suspected you lived in the past. Now we can date it precisely.

Posted by saysay (# 6645) on :

I knew somebody in the late 90's who thought Tori Amos was the best thing since sliced bread. Her devotion bordered on a scary obsession.

But she was a poet (and the type of rich white girl who was always shooting her mouth off because she was so oppressed).

One night when we were hanging out she pissed off the locals to the extent that they took a bottle to the head of one of the guys we were hanging with.

It wasn't exactly a ringing endorsement from my perspective.

Posted by balaam (# 4543) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Doc Tor:
Better luck next time, Ingo.

Don't expect Ingo to repent, Geraldine wouldn't.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

quote:
Originally posted by LeRoc:
I'm blissfully unaware of how much Tori Amos sucks.

What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?

[ 25. November 2014, 02:28: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]

Posted by comet (# 10353) on :

Tori Amos sucks, yes. But not nearly as much as over-powered, fast-but-gutless cars and the compensating egomaniacs who drive them.

No matter how cute their butts might be.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by saysay:
It wasn't exactly a ringing endorsement from my perspective.

This makes about as much sense as judging Jesus by his followers. Assuming that your crazy story about a guy being assaulted because someone else was annoying is actually true. Or that her being annoying has anything to do with her fandom.

Also, if it was the late '90s, I'm quite certain you DID know that there were albums after Little Earthquakes. But hey, it's not as if I didn't know you were just trying to be a pain in the arse. You are, but you don't achieve it with much flair.

[ 25. November 2014, 09:00: Message edited by: orfeo ]

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by balaam:

quote:
Originally posted by Doc Tor:
Better luck next time, Ingo.
Don't expect Ingo to repent, Geraldine wouldn't.

Ooh. Very current. I like you.

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :

quote:
Originally posted by IngoB:

quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
Look at you, acting like you have no fucking clue that this is an inside joke - even after it was explicitly pointed out.
Please note that posting here is the equivalent of drawing a big, fat bull's eye on your butt.

It was kind of you to shoot wide.

Posted by IngoB (# 8700) on :

quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
It was kind of you to shoot wide.

Don't worry - just because I made RooKie the butt of my joke doesn't mean that I'm a pretender. You remain the undisputed royal pain in the ass, so say all.

Posted by fletcher christian (# 13919) on :

It's the power of orange knickers.

Posted by saysay (# 6645) on :

quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
Also, if it was the late '90s, I'm quite certain you DID know that there were albums after Little Earthquakes.

Where do you live that you don't know people who are obsessed with bands that released one album way back when and all died twenty years ago?

Tori Amos fans are weird.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by saysay:

quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
Also, if it was the late '90s, I'm quite certain you DID know that there were albums after Little Earthquakes.
Where do you live that you don't know people who are obsessed with bands that released one album way back when and all died twenty years ago?

Tori Amos fans are weird.

At least they have logic skills. At least they can figure out things like "if I knew a Tori Amos fan in the late '90s, that Tori Amos fan would have told me about the recent albums that Tori had released - something that a fan of a band that died twenty years ago couldn't do".

At least they can figure out that a hypothetical world where Tori Amos only released 1 album is completely irrelevant to the actual world we were all living in in the late 1990s. Well, the one most of us were living in anyway. You frequently give the impression that you live on a parallel planet and have somehow managed to hook your computer up to our internet by a cross-dimensional cable.

Either that or you're permanently high on datura.

[ 26. November 2014, 10:13: Message edited by: orfeo ]

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

By the way, for anyone that gives a damn, part of the reason that I'm more in love with this woman than ever is that she played live versions of 4 of my favourite songs at my personal request. Which is pretty fucking mindblowing. A person who's sold millions of records asked me wanted to hear, told me what a good combination of 2 songs I suggested, and integrated it into her show.

And, as I mentioned before, 65 different songs across 4 concerts. Every show in Australia had at least a couple of songs that were unique to that show.

So I don't really give a damn whether any of you like the music or not. I know what I need to know, that a stellar musician is committed to creating a different experience with every album and with every show. I know that the experience thrills me and leaves me on cloud nine.

Come on the ride or don't. I don't really care. You're not going to burst MY bubble. Hell, you're complete amateurs at trying. I've spent years on the internet with Tori Amos fans trying to tell me why this song or that album isn't as good as old Tori from the first few albums. I didn't listen to them, and they actually had some knowledge of the subject. So why on earth would I pay attention to the half-arsed put-downs being generated here?

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :

quote:
Originally posted by IngoB:

quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
It was kind of you to shoot wide.
Don't worry - just because I made RooKie the butt of my joke doesn't mean that I'm a pretender. You remain the undisputed royal pain in the ass, so say all.

I have a hard time believing you speak for "all" given your last few hell calls.

(Oh, and, really lame segue. You couldn't have said "Point for the mouse" better, even if you had just written, "Point for the mouse.")

[ 26. November 2014, 13:51: Message edited by: mousethief ]

Posted by Augustine the Aleut (# 1472) on :

quote:
Originally posted by saysay:

quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
Also, if it was the late '90s, I'm quite certain you DID know that there were albums after Little Earthquakes.
Where do you live that you don't know people who are obsessed with bands that released one album way back when and all died twenty years ago?

Tori Amos fans are weird.

This may be, but I have met some interesting ones at her gigs in Ottawa and Montreal, and occasionally wearing a Tori Amos hoodie, I have gained approving looks from baristas everywhere.

While I cannot approve of her theological expression, she might have been deprived of Tallis motets and pilgrimage opportunities as a youth, so perhaps cannot be entirely blamed.

Posted by IngoB (# 8700) on :

quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
You couldn't have said "Point for the mouse" better, even if you had just written, "Point for the mouse."

I have so many good points, I hardly notice when one of them is lost on you.

Posted by saysay (# 6645) on :

Note to self:

Do research into Tori Amos and why people might hate her or her music since she disappeared off your radar in the nineties.

Next time Orfeo makes you cry/ tries to shut you up by interrupting a conversation you're having with someone else, completely misunderstanding everything you're trying to say, and then calling your misrepresented views stupid, insult Tori Amos.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

Your views usually don't need any misrepresentation to look stupid, sweetie.

Posted by Chill (# 13643) on :

The music industry has given us Justin Beiber,
One Direction and Britney-fucking-Spears, to name but a few corporate sponsored fashion models masquerading as artists. The problem is Tori Amos? Fuck off pal. Railing against Tori Amos in such circumstances is like kicking the butterfly in a garden of vipers. It is the equivalent of me as a heterosexual man spiting out the only banana in a barrel full of cocks.

Happy listening....

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

quote:
Originally posted by IngoB:

quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
You couldn't have said "Point for the mouse" better, even if you had just written, "Point for the mouse."
I have so many good points, I hardly notice when one of them is lost on you.

Are they have points or are they, as on a hedgehog, merely pricks?

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

Typical. Bingo supplies a feed and I fuck up the post [Frown]

SNAFU lives.

Posted by Doc Tor (# 9748) on :

Oh, if only you could go back and edit your post, any time you liked... [Razz]

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :

quote:
Originally posted by comet:
over-powered, fast-but-gutless

Wait, what? There's clearly some baggage you're labelled as "gutless" that does not conform with the generally-accepted definition. Keep in mind that the Porsche was an epic snow car, and utterly reliable, in addition to being gorgeous and stupidly enjoyable to drive.

And I suppose that, in context, I should point out that the beloved Porsche got sold to fund some uninsured¹ dental surgeries for the wife. I'm hoping to start saving up for a Tesla P85D after the kids are both out of daycare.

¹Fuck you, 'Merkin medical "system".

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

[Eek!]

Now that's love.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
By the way, for anyone that gives a damn, part of the reason that I'm more in love with this woman than ever is that she played live versions of 4 of my favourite songs at my personal request. Which is pretty fucking mindblowing. A person who's sold millions of records asked me wanted to hear, told me what a good combination of 2 songs I suggested, and integrated it into her show.

This, on the other hand, makes me want to go on a jealousy-based rampage. If I had a conversation like that with Joe Jackson, I would never shut up about it ever.

[ 28. November 2014, 16:57: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:

quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
By the way, for anyone that gives a damn, part of the reason that I'm more in love with this woman than ever is that she played live versions of 4 of my favourite songs at my personal request. Which is pretty fucking mindblowing. A person who's sold millions of records asked me wanted to hear, told me what a good combination of 2 songs I suggested, and integrated it into her show.

This, on the other hand, makes me want to go on a jealousy-based rampage. If I had a conversation like that with Joe Jackson, I would never shut up about it ever.

True dat.

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :

quote:
Originally posted by IngoB:

quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
You couldn't have said "Point for the mouse" better, even if you had just written, "Point for the mouse."
I have so many good points, I hardly notice when one of them is lost on you.

It's not that what you say is lost on me, but that I despise it.

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :

Except your thing on the philosophy thread. That was spot-on.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

I feel it is my duty to inform you that I am currently listening to an audience recording of Tori live with the Sydney Symphony Orchestra, and it is bloody good.

Almost like being there. Oh wait. I was.

Posted by rolyn (# 16840) on :

Proof of the pudding is in the eating, or in this case the sucking.

I value your opinion Orfeo given that it's based on an eyewitness account, I therefore sit on the side of the jury that says tori-whoever-she-is doesn't suck.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

Yeah, but it could just be confirmation bias.

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :

It reminds me of CS Lewis' An Experiment in Criticism. To wildly paraphrase the main point of the book: if someone really loves a book, reads it over and over, gushes about it -- they're probably seeing something you don't, and the book is not a "bad" book, and you should STFU about it and not slam it.

So for musical taste.

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :

quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
To wildly paraphrase the main point of the book: if someone really loves a book, reads it over and over, gushes about it -- they're probably seeing something you don't, and the book is not a "bad" book, and you should STFU about it and not slam it.

Unless it's by Ayn Rand.

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Dafyd:

quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
To wildly paraphrase the main point of the book: if someone really loves a book, reads it over and over, gushes about it -- they're probably seeing something you don't, and the book is not a "bad" book, and you should STFU about it and not slam it.
Unless it's by Ayn Rand.

His thesis does admit of exceptions, it is true.

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :

Indeed.

I did not, in point of fact, even know for certain that Tori Amos had created any songs other than the rather-catchy "Conrflake Girl" until I just a few years ago. After hearing that a new Hellhost considered himself a fan, it seemed like a sufficiently adamant claim to inquire further - turns out that Myra is actually quite lovely and talented¹.

That's not the point. The point, as comet tried vainly to demonstrate, is to find a soft spot - a window into the beating heart of someone's fundamental self - and NYUK NYUK that motherfucker right in the eyes. It's funny, and done among certain kinds of creatures afflicted with too thick of a metaphysical hide can actually be a mark of camaraderie.

[Touches finger to discreet mic in ear.]
I'm being told that all this is entirely too obvious, and that you're all mindless babble-bots programmed to simulate what cannibalistic mealworms would converse about over dinner.

[Rips out earpiece in disgust.]
Fine. I'm going to quietly ban one of you, and see if any of the others notice.

¹ If you're into that sort of thing. I'm more of a Meg Myers and Deadmau5 kind of guy.

[ 30. November 2014, 05:02: Message edited by: RooK ]

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
the rather-catchy "Conrflake Girl"

Tragically edited down, of course, for the single/video. Sigh. At least it still has the best part of the piano jam.

Meanwhile, rather like the Meg Myers clip I was forced to check out as a Hellhost. Not so sure about the other one. Chopin's funeral march mucked about with...

[ 30. November 2014, 05:01: Message edited by: orfeo ]

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :

Oh good. I'll just go back and change those links to pron.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

You're really having a problem with putting the letter 'R' in the right place today, mister. Maybe if you were using both hands to type it would help.

Posted by Doc Tor (# 9748) on :

quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
Oh good. I'll just go back and change those links to pron.

So I have to check the links twice, just to make sure.

[Roll Eyes]

Posted by fletcher christian (# 13919) on :

Poor Meg must have been standing in a cold room for that video.

Posted by IngoB (# 8700) on :

quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
It's not that what you say is lost on me, but that I despise it. ... Except your thing on the philosophy thread. That was spot-on.

That's you in a nutshell. Philosophical Jekyll and PMS Hyde.

quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
I'm more of a Meg Myers and Deadmau5 kind of guy.

Nipples and loops?

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :

quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
Oh good. I'll just go back and change those links to pron.

That'd be too obvious. I'm guessing Philip Glass.

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :

quote:
Originally posted by IngoB:

quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
It's not that what you say is lost on me, but that I despise it. ... Except your thing on the philosophy thread. That was spot-on.
That's you in a nutshell. Philosophical Jekyll and PMS Hyde.

In other words I'm interesting and complex and you're monotone and dull. I can live with that. Oh, and you can't take a compliment for shit. Comes of not being fully human, I'm guessing.

Oh, and nice misogyny, by the way. Good to see your universal hatred of the human race includes women as a special case.

quote:
Originally posted by Ariston:

quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
Oh good. I'll just go back and change those links to pron.
That'd be too obvious. I'm guessing Philip Glass.

Not that! I'll talk! I'll talk!

[ 30. November 2014, 14:27: Message edited by: mousethief ]

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :

quote:
Originally posted by fletcher christian:
Poor Meg must have been standing in a cold room for that video.

I'm more interested in the dark place she was in when she wrote it, but I see your points.

Posted by Doc Tor (# 9748) on :

quote:
Originally posted by RooK:

quote:
Originally posted by fletcher christian:
Poor Meg must have been standing in a cold room for that video.
I'm more interested in the dark place she was in when she wrote it, but I see your points.

We all saw her points...

Posted by IngoB (# 8700) on :

quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
In other words I'm interesting and complex and you're monotone and dull.

I guess from the professional perspective of a psychiatrist that is true. But then I prefer to write scientific articles, rather than have them written about me.

quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
Oh, and you can't take a compliment for shit. Comes of not being fully human, I'm guessing.

So to compliment your wife you say things like "I hate everything about the way you look - except for your nose, which is lovely"? And when she doesn't seem to appreciate the compliment about her nose, you consider her subhuman? I guess that's part of what makes you interesting and complex.

quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
Oh, and nice misogyny, by the way. Good to see your universal hatred of the human race includes women as a special case.

You are the one doing all the despising around here. My general misanthropy is more of the grumbling and lamenting kind - though it is indeed differentiated into misogyny and misandry, since men and women tend to vex me in different ways. No, I was going for an alliteration with "philosophical" there, and if the word somehow suggested your literal and metaphorical lack of balls, then all the better.

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :

quote:
Originally posted by IngoB:
You are the one doing all the despising around here.

Nope. Accusing a man of having PMS is doubly sexist. First it's PMS-shaming, which is sexist, and second, it's trying to insult a man by insinuating he's a woman, or like a woman, which is sexist.

You're a filthy pig.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

To be fair, he's one of the few people not talking about Meg's tits.

Posted by IngoB (# 8700) on :

quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
Accusing a man of having PMS is doubly sexist. First it's PMS-shaming, which is sexist, and second, it's trying to insult a man by insinuating he's a woman, or like a woman, which is sexist.

Fine, but in my defence it is difficult to slam your over-emotional, baseless and vicious bouts of hysteria as succinctly (three letters!) without reference to cultural stereotypes. I could call you a barking mad chihuahua on angel dust, or something. But that's probably speciesism. And mean to addicts.

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
To be fair, he's one of the few people not talking about Meg's tits.

To be really fair, I was just a crosspost behind the first mention of the Meg's iced goods, cf. here. To be even fairer, I'm sure Meg and her video producer knew exactly what they were doing...

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
To be fair, he's one of the few people not talking about Meg's tits.

I saw nothing. Mostly because after the first 15 seconds or so I was paying attention to the music and flicking between other tabs on Firefox. But shame on you all.

Posted by IngoB (# 8700) on :

quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
I saw nothing. Mostly because after the first 15 seconds or so I was paying attention to the music and flicking between other tabs on Firefox.

How interesting. I can see the publication right now: "Boob blindness: lack of saccades to prominent nipples and reduced mammary awareness in homosexual men". That should be hilariously high impact, heck, Nature will probably run a video feature on it. Oh, and easiest recruitment drive ever, at least for the heterosexual control group. I'm off to the Psychology department...

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

Or it could just be I'm passionate about music.

In fact, your constant attempts to make this thread about something other than the red-haired goddess of the keyboard are pissing me off.

[ 01. December 2014, 11:25: Message edited by: orfeo ]

Posted by IngoB (# 8700) on :

quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
In fact, your constant attempts to make this thread about something other than the red-haired goddess of the keyboard are pissing me off.

You were trying to talk about comet? I didn't realise that...

I thought this was about a doughnut-shaped minor OT prophet. My apologies.

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

[Overused]

Posted by comet (# 10353) on :

quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
And I suppose that, in context, I should point out that the beloved Porsche got sold to fund some uninsured¹ dental surgeries for the wife. I'm hoping to start saving up for a Tesla P85D after the kids are both out of daycare.

True love, indeed! The Nurse is a lucky woman.

So tell me, darling, just how domesticated are you now?

Ford Taurus? Subaru?

Wait, don't tell me you've gone full minivan? Say it ain't so!

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :

quote:
Originally posted by comet:

quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
And I suppose that, in context, I should point out that the beloved Porsche got sold to fund some uninsured¹ dental surgeries for the wife. I'm hoping to start saving up for a Tesla P85D after the kids are both out of daycare.
True love, indeed! The Nurse is a lucky woman.

So tell me, darling, just how domesticated are you now?

Ford Taurus? Subaru?

Wait, don't tell me you've gone full minivan? Say it ain't so!

Please. In PDX, you get one of these

Posted by comet (# 10353) on :

Even better. [Big Grin]

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by IngoB:

quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
In fact, your constant attempts to make this thread about something other than the red-haired goddess of the keyboard are pissing me off.
You were trying to talk about comet? I didn't realise that...

I thought this was about a doughnut-shaped minor OT prophet. My apologies.

See, NOW I'm happy. First because comet is a way better choice than whatever bickering you've had going on. Second because you just referenced one of the best songs.

Posted by IngoB (# 8700) on :

quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:

quote:
Originally posted by IngoB:
You were trying to talk about comet? I didn't realise that... I thought this was about a doughnut-shaped minor OT prophet. My apologies.
See, NOW I'm happy. First because comet is a way better choice than whatever bickering you've had going on. Second because you just referenced one of the best songs.

Yes, who can forget that song...

Yellow matter custard dripping from a dead dog's eye
Crabalocker fishwife pornographic priestess
Boy you been a naughty girl, you let your knickers down
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen
I am the doughnut-shaped minor OT prophet, goo goo goo Job

It's just catchy.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

Happy for you, and I am sure that I hate you.

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :

quote:
Originally posted by comet:
just how domesticated are you now?

Pretty fucking domesticated, to be honest. My company E-class sports a pair of kid seats, and the aft half of the vehicle is stuffed with a surprising amount of kid detritus - regardless of how constantly I seem to be scooping it out.

I'm also half-heartedly selling my BMW motorcycle, primarily because most of the riding around PDX sucks, and I just don't have the time to make forays to windy roads like I used to.

Though, I do still have my extra-manly 1984 Toyota pickup (22R!), which is used pretty frequently to haul my Devinci Dixon up to the gnar.

Posted by balaam (# 4543) on :

quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
Though, I do still have my extra-manly 1984 Toyota pickup (22R!), which is used pretty frequently to haul my Devinci Dixon up to the gnar.

I always suspected you were going downhill fast.

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :

RooK, you should be banned post haste for posting non-worksafe content. Seriously, my favorite obscure (can't get Devincis anywhere in the mid-Atlantic...well, except for the CaBi bikes they manufacture) mountain bike brand? Unfair. So unfair.

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :

I'm still a bit saddened that they now out-source for frames. I mean, it makes sense, as carbon forming is hard to develop independently. But I cherish my hydroformed aluminum bike partially because I know some Canuckistanni nerds made it all themselves.

And it's still light enough to hover.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

It never was the cars (and guitars) that came between us.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

Wow, I am learning so much about music, bikes and cars on this thread.

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Wow, I am learning so much about music, bikes and cars on this thread.

About as much as you can learn about trains and boats and planes from the Dionne Warwick song of that title.

Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on :

That is a beautiful bike and a great shot RooK. Dual sport is as close as I've come to mountain.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Wow, I am learning so much about music, bikes and cars on this thread.
About as much as you can learn about trains and boats and planes from the Dionne Warwick song of that title.

You can learn lots of plant names from what is arguably Tori's most bizarre song. [Big Grin]

EDIT: Though without a good pair of speakers/headphones you might find it's easier to read the lyrics instead.

[ 04. December 2014, 10:35: Message edited by: orfeo ]

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

That... is pretty hot.

Posted by deano (# 12063) on :

and I get flack for raising something edumacational around here!

Tori Amos! Seriously! Tori Amos!

Out of the whole spectrum of poor singers and "bands" with a bit of a back-catalogue to hate, you pick Tori Amos?

I thought you had class!

well, I'll see your Tori fucking boring no-name - Amos and raise your paedophile extraordinaire Michael Jackson.

Now he is worth slagging off.

Or Miss Amy Whine-house, - the diva of the underprivileged, under-represented, angst ridden tossers who used to hang around the local Spar of an evening. The voice of... oh, I don't know... glue-sniffing or having kids to get a council flat or something.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by deano:
and I get flack for raising something edumacational around here!

Actually you get flak for not having a clue. About spelling, about viable topics for Hell threads, about hosting changes that happened absolutely ages ago, or about the context here.

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :

Yeah, comet hasn't been a host since last Ash Wednesday. There's cluelessness, and then there's that.

Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on :

You know, Comet will always be a Host. The title is superfluous.
All of the kudos, none of the responsibilities.
If you disagree, you tell her...

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

Oh Patdys. Dear, naive Patdys. The conversation would go something like this.

orfeo: Comet, you're no longer a Host.

comet: Damn straight! YIPPPPPEEEEEE!!!!!

Whether or not comet is a badass who can make lesser Shipmates quake in their boots is an entirely separate question.

[ 05. December 2014, 02:38: Message edited by: orfeo ]

Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on :

Ben Folds and the Adelaide symphony orchestra. That is all. (interval)

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

Nearly caught him in Sydney a few days after Tori. He was once her support act, you know. Probably the best support act she ever had.

Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :

Well, looks like I've been away too long. looks like the damn hockey puck has gone soft, like a suburban father, which he should be of course.

I hate Tori Amos except for that one song ---"Cornflake Girl" so I'm very sad that I have to be sort of an agreement to this thread. It would be nice if he would have posted he hates Duran Duran or something like that cuz then I could have really done a better job doing my second post on ship of fools in 2015...

[ETA: CORN FLAKES.]

[ 02. January 2015, 23:37: Message edited by: duchess ]

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

Oh, yawn. I do love it when people turn up to mention the only Tori Amos song they know. Especially when they say "I hate Tori Amos except for the only song I can remember".

You could at least make the effort to tell me how much you hate Silent All These Years, or Winter, or Crucify, or God, or Caught A Lite Sneeze, or Spark, to at least give me some sign that you actually know enough to distinguish Cornflake Girl as the particular song you like out of the ones you heard on the radio in the 1990s.

But no. We remember one song. It was a hit and had an easy to remember title. But the other 234 original compositions I've currently got on an iTunes playlist? You hate 'em all. And let's not get you started on the covers, right?

[Roll Eyes]

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :

I do so love to see orfeo's automagical push-button winder-upper working so flawlessly.

Perhaps we can break the news to him that Tori Amos would most likely hate his guts should she ever accidentally suffer his company...?

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

Last time I saw her, she gave me a hug. I swear.

Also, if you think this thread is "winding me up"... it's more like a favourite chew toy. I get to combine the snarkiness of being a permanent resident of Hell with talking about one of my very favourite subjects AND almost certainly knowing more about that subject than anyone else around here.

[ 03. January 2015, 07:55: Message edited by: orfeo ]

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :

[pats orfeo on head]
Sure, big fella. It's OK.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

Does the carpet match the drapes?

( Sorry, RooK was being too nice.)

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :

Does the carpet match the drapes?

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

Which set of drapes? Her hair colour has changed so much over the years.

No, she's not a natural redhead.

NEXT!

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

I love you, man.

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :

I love it when Hell gets all All Saints-y.

Wait, no I dont. You guys fucking suck.

[edited because the iPad is fucking stupid]

[ 03. January 2015, 23:34: Message edited by: Marvin the Martian ]

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Marvin the Martian:
[edited because the iPad is fucking stupid]

Yeah, blame the tools.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

Yes, there are indeed two tools in this situation.

Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :

We are all God's tools, some are bigger tools than others.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

St. Francis said that, right?

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :

quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:

quote:
Originally posted by Marvin the Martian:
[edited because the iPad is fucking stupid]
Yeah, blame the tools.

I will. Stupid piece of incredible technology that even 20 years ago would have been dismissed as impossible magik. Why can't it know exactly what I actually want to type?

Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :

quote:
Why can't it know exactly what I actually want to type?

As far I as I know apple do not program ipads to self-lobotomise and therefore achieve the parity required for your request.

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :

My my, somebody's cranky this evening.

Posted by irish_lord99 (# 16250) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pyx_e:

quote:
Why can't it know exactly what I actually want to type?
As far I as I know apple do not program ipads to self-lobotomise and therefore achieve the parity required for your request.

That feature will be on the iPad 6, which will be released 5 weeks after the iPad 5.

Though I must agree with Marvin, I'm still amazed when I pick up my old iPod touch 3rd gen: so 'old' by new apple standards and yet so amazing when compared to our old Apple IIe.

Posted by Porridge (# 15405) on :

But does Tori Amos have one?

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :

I don't know if Tori Amos has an Apple. <deleted joke about having a cherry>

Posted by bib (# 13074) on :

Who the heck is Tori Amos?

Posted by Doc Tor (# 9748) on :

quote:
Originally posted by bib:
Who the heck is Tori Amos?

She's the one I keep confusing with Alanis Morissette, as in:

"Wasn't that by... no, hang on, that was Alanis Morissette."

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Porridge:
But does Tori Amos have one?

She's known among fans for having limited technological literacy. However, this year she suddenly discovered the usefulness of her Facebook account to an extent never before imagined. The photos came thick and fast.

Come to think of it, having a teenage daughter has probably made a difference. She now has someone to teach her this stuff.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by bib:
Who the heck is Tori Amos?

Who the heck are you?

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :

quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:

quote:
Originally posted by Porridge:
But does Tori Amos have one?
She's known among fans for having limited technological literacy. However, this year she suddenly discovered the usefulness of her Facebook account to an extent never before imagined. The photos came thick and fast.

So, you're claiming to have essentially witnessed the popping of her internet cherry?

You Tori Amos fans are fucking creepy.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Doc Tor:

quote:
Originally posted by bib:
Who the heck is Tori Amos?
She's the one I keep confusing with Alanis Morissette, as in:

"Wasn't that by... no, hang on, that was Alanis Morissette."

Dude. Even for Hell, that is way harsh.

Posted by Doc Tor (# 9748) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:

quote:
Originally posted by Doc Tor:

quote:
Originally posted by bib:
Who the heck is Tori Amos?
She's the one I keep confusing with Alanis Morissette, as in:

"Wasn't that by... no, hang on, that was Alanis Morissette."
Dude. Even for Hell, that is way harsh.

Also, Tori Amos has never played the part of God.

Posted by marzipan (# 9442) on :

But she has been a tree! (In Stardust - the book or maybe the comic, I think rather than the film)

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by RooK:

quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:

quote:
Originally posted by Porridge:
But does Tori Amos have one?
She's known among fans for having limited technological literacy. However, this year she suddenly discovered the usefulness of her Facebook account to an extent never before imagined. The photos came thick and fast.
So, you're claiming to have essentially witnessed the popping of her internet cherry?

You Tori Amos fans are fucking creepy.

So, RooK, ever helped your mother come to grips with a piece of new-fangled technology?

Pervert.

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :

Alanis was great as God. [Smile]

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :

quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
So, RooK, ever helped your mother come to grips with a piece of new-fangled technology?

My mom lives as a hermit in a cabin on a mountain in the middle of nowhere since dad died - so, uh, nope.

Wait, does your mom know that you've secretly replaced her with awkwardly-imagined stalking of Tori Amos?

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

I suspect this line of attack is remarkably ineffective on a gay man, but your ideas aren't coherent enough for me to be certain.

Posted by George Spigot (# 253) on :

Thanks for that image OP I'll use it later.

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :

I just noticed that this thread wasn't discreetly killed during the last Hell-cull.

THREAD NECROMANCY!

Not for any good reason, mind you. Rather the opposite.

Would this be a good place to explain in a completely tone-deaf and baseless way my personal definition of free speech that I expect everybody else to automatically accept?

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
I just noticed that this thread wasn't discreetly killed during the last Hell-cull.

THREAD NECROMANCY!

Not for any good reason, mind you. Rather the opposite.

Would this be a good place to explain in a completely tone-deaf and baseless way my personal definition of free speech that I expect everybody else to automatically accept?

It's a better place than any, barring a new, bizarre, game in The Circus.

Posted by Doc Tor (# 9748) on :

quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
Would this be a good place to explain in a completely tone-deaf and baseless way my personal definition of free speech that I expect everybody else to automatically accept?

No. No, it wouldn't. [Disappointed]

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
I just noticed that this thread wasn't discreetly killed during the last Hell-cull.

Of course not. You all gave me a cuddly chew-toy to play with, you're not having it back.

Haven't actually listened to any Tori for several weeks. I'm on a classical music binge. We can expand this thread to include my obsession with Vagn Holmboe, if you like.

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:

Haven't actually listened to any Tori for several weeks. I'm on a classical music binge. We can expand this thread to include my obsession with Vagn Holmboe, if you like.

We'll stick to Tori Amos. We can pronounce Tori Amos for a start.

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :

As a Christian I probably should be all for resurrection, but this thread makes me think that some graves are perhaps best left unstirred.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Sioni Sais:
We'll stick to Tori Amos. We can pronounce Tori Amos for a start.

Ha. Bet you can't. A-moss, A-mose or A-mus?

And since when is pronunciation an issue in a text-based medium? You can type, can't you? Or is your keyboard somehow missing the letters required to write Vagn Holmboe?

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :

Ah-moose.

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :

quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
We can expand this thread to include my obsession with Vagn Holmboe, if you like.

At this point, I'd burst into tears of joy just for listening to something other than fucking "Let It Go" one more fucking time.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

[Killing me]

Oh, hell yes.

Cry me a river, I'm a preschool teacher. Multiply whatever you are enduring by 15*.

We had to hide the damn student- proclaimed "Elsa dress" ( a homemade blue princessy sort of thing a parent made) because the girls were fighting over it four at a time.

*rough estimate of current female student body.

[ 12. February 2015, 04:41: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

Ah, I see. Google confirmed my suspicion as to where that title might come from...

...That film really has been incredibly successful, hasn't it? Turns out there was a whole untapped audience for a film which made girls the centre of attention for once. Who would've guessed?

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :

quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
Ah, I see. Google confirmed my suspicion as to where that title might come from...

...That film really has been incredibly successful, hasn't it? Turns out there was a whole untapped audience for a film which made girls the centre of attention for once. Who would've guessed?

I assume FoxNews has already attacked it as lesbian socialist Nazi pro-abortion propaganda?

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

Yep.

I have to confess, it is hard to feel the sisterhood when the song is shrieked in your face 2000 times a day.

I will eventually watch the movie, but only after they have moved on to some other catchy Oscar winning tune.

Posted by Doc Tor (# 9748) on :

Surely by the age of 4 they've discovered Taylor Swift?

Posted by mdijon (# 8520) on :

We made the mistake of allowing (even facilitating) purchase of the DVD. Our youngest can recite the lines of all the main characters by heart.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

Tori would be a fan. Her daughter's a bit older though.

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :

Does that mean Tori is also anti-parent, like Disney?

Well, not quite like Disney - nobody can match the sheer scale of the anti-parent efforts. Between driving parents to suffer high-pitched pop tunes badly sung by overenthusiastic youngsters, and the parasitic leaching of resources to sate said rabid youngsters Disney-sourced urges, there are the insidious messages of dead parents in almost all their children's films.

Sick bastards.

Posted by saysay (# 6645) on :

quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:

quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
Ah, I see. Google confirmed my suspicion as to where that title might come from...

...That film really has been incredibly successful, hasn't it? Turns out there was a whole untapped audience for a film which made girls the centre of attention for once. Who would've guessed?
I assume FoxNews has already attacked it as lesbian socialist Nazi pro-abortion propaganda?

It's loosely based on a story by Hans Christian Anderson, who was Danish.

You know how those Scandinavian countries are with their sneaky attempts to impose socialism and lesbianism and require every woman to have at least one abortion.

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :

quote:
Originally posted by saysay:
It's loosely based on a story by Hans Christian Anderson, who was Danish.

You know how those Scandinavian countries are with their sneaky attempts to impose socialism and lesbianism and require every woman to have at least one abortion.

Yes. I'm almost sure I've heard Megyn Kelly say exactly that.

Posted by Prester John (# 5502) on :

quote:
Originally posted by RooK:

quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
We can expand this thread to include my obsession with Vagn Holmboe, if you like.
At this point, I'd burst into tears of joy just for listening to something other than fucking "Let It Go" one more fucking time.

I'll clue you in on something I discovered that will most likely ensure you won't have to hear that song ever again. This also works for Taylor Swift's Trouble as well. Apparently when Dad sings something it is no longer cool. So you need to sing the song, slightly off key and with exaggerated effort, every time it comes on. It won't happen right away but soon you will be told to stop and they won't play it in your presence anymore. It also provides the added bonus of embarrassing your children. You have to embrace the song in order to defeat it.

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :

She's 2.5, and has no concept of shame yet. Daddy's horrific singing just makes her squeal with renewed glee. She also has no concept of proportion, or decorum, and only uses her rudimentary empathy for manipulation. She's an itty-bitty, adorable, more-evil version of me. Except probably smarter than I am, like her mom.

I'm so doomed, the nation of Latveria sends me legal notices accusing me of copyright infringement.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
She's 2.5, and has no concept of shame yet. Daddy's horrific singing just makes her squeal with renewed glee. She also has no concept of proportion, or decorum, and only uses her rudimentary empathy for manipulation.

An ideal Shipmate if ever I saw one.

Posted by Doc Tor (# 9748) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Prester John:
This also works for Taylor Swift's Trouble as well.

You know about the Screaming Goat version of that, right?

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :

Rook--

You could always sing the "Shaving Cream" song, for a change. You could even do a duet with her. I'm sure friends, neighbors, and future teachers would be impressed by her vocabulary.
[Two face]

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

So, between the various Spawn and Gwai's herd of cats, and yours truly, we have the makings of HELL'S PRESCHOOL!!! [Mad]

(Evil hiss) "Tantrums are the answer to EVERYTHING, children..."

" and yes, your parents love that song. Also, if you sing it all day every day for 365 days, it will rain candy."

[ 14. February 2015, 02:43: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]

Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
(Evil hiss) "Tantrums are the answer to EVERYTHING, children..."

My son went through that phase recently. It definitely proved that sometimes the truly hellish answer is to walk away and leave the tantrum-thrower ignored.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

Brava. [Overused]

UBB.classic^TM 6.5.0