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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Hell: Christmas in Hell
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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012
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Posted
The observant amongst you may have noticed that Christmas is upon us. People are smiling and joking and generally being all cheerful. Family time rears its ugly head. Loving and giving become the main words on everyone's lips.
It's enough to make you fit the house out with a full security system, including armed response, and hide inside til January when everyone will be back to normal.
People even go around telling stories of Santa, and how he flies on his sleigh, is fat and jolly with a twinkle in his eye, and gives out wonderful gifts to the precious little darlings. Enough to make you vomit.
This year I thought we could tell the real story of Christmas. Did Santa come? What did he bring? And what happened to him along the way?
Feel free to join in, subject to the rules:
- Fuck off fluffy bunnies - this is Christmas in Hell.
- Twee, cutesy, or otherwise Heaven-worthy posts will be summarily dealt with.
- Your post can be two or four lines of verse to add to the poem, or it can be more free form, to tell of tangents along the way.
- Keep with the theme. Fuck off fluffy bunnies - this is Christmas in Hell.
[ 25. February 2006, 00:11: Message edited by: Sarkycow ]
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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”
Posts: 10787 | Registered: Jul 2001
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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012
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Posted
Twas the night before Christmas,
And throughout all Hell
The fires were burning
And the sulphur did smell.
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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”
Posts: 10787 | Registered: Jul 2001
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Autenrieth Road
Shipmate
# 10509
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Posted
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
I was having a raging fight with my spouse.
[ETA: ah, hell, cross-posted with The Honorable Hellish Toaster Sarkycow. I should have known "add to the poem" meant some starting lines were coming.]
[ 15. December 2005, 23:34: Message edited by: Autenrieth Road ]
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Truth
Posts: 9559 | From: starlight | Registered: Oct 2005
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Niënna
Ship's Lotus Blossom
# 4652
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Posted
The children were terrified in their beds,
while visions of cutting fights and arguments danced in their heads.
And Mama with her foam bat, and father with deaf ears,
had just settled in their disturbed brains for a Narnian long winter.
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[Nino points a gun at Chiki]
Nino: Now... tell me. Who started the war?
Chiki: [long pause] We did.
~No Man's Land
Posts: 2298 | From: Purgatory | Registered: Jun 2003
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Archimandrite
Shipmate
# 3997
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Posted
Below in the carpark there came a great din
A ranting old drunkard, all reeking of GIN
I pulled up the covers and clutched hard my gun
To wait 'til the ranting old hobo was done.
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"Loyal Anglican" (Warning: General Synod may differ).
Posts: 1580 | From: Oxford | Registered: Jan 2003
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duchess
Ship's Blue Blooded Lady
# 2764
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Posted
When up from the chimmy-chim-chimmy-chim-chim,
came Dick Van Dyke with a egg sulphur FART and a big fat grin.
With his best cockney voice, the lad did sail...
"Give me a shot of yer best whiskey and a quart of yer best ale!"
[crosspost dangnabit...wanted to come after joyfulnoise! ARGH!]
[ 15. December 2005, 23:45: Message edited by: duchess ]
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♬♭ We're setting sail to the place on the map from which nobody has ever returned ♫♪♮
Ship of Fools-World Party
Posts: 11197 | From: Do you know the way? | Registered: May 2002
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Carex
Shipmate
# 9643
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Posted
While bunnies and kittens with garlic were roasted,
and Strawberry Shortcake was hellishly toasted.
Posts: 1425 | Registered: Jun 2005
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Foolhearty
Shipmate
# 6196
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Posted
So Fa-la-la-la to the forcibly jolly,
While we all are trod on while riding the trolley.
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Fear doesn't empty tomorrow of its perils; it empties today of its power.
Posts: 2301 | From: Upper right-hand corner | Registered: May 2004
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Loquacious beachcomber
Shipmate
# 8783
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Posted
When outside my flat there arose such a clatter
I sprang up off my broad, to see what was the matter.
The snow plough had piled up new fallen snow
Nearly hiding the street folk on the heat grates below.
Posts: 5954 | From: Southeast of Wawa, between the beach and the hiking trail.. | Registered: Nov 2004
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Loquacious beachcomber
Shipmate
# 8783
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Posted
And there on my roof, stretched out on his belly
Lay a perverted old elf, disgusting and smelly.
(Sorry for the double post, but I think the rythem was kinda lost and maybe it can fight its hellish way back now.)
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TODAY'S SPECIAL - AND SO ARE YOU (Sign on beachfront fish & chips shop)
Posts: 5954 | From: Southeast of Wawa, between the beach and the hiking trail.. | Registered: Nov 2004
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Foaming Draught
The Low in Low Church
# 9134
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Posted
beneath him lay pressed in the mission position
a hag who had lived through the Grand Inquisition
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Australians all let us ring Joyce
For she is young and free
Posts: 8661 | From: Et in Australia Ego | Registered: Feb 2005
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Alfred E. Neuman
What? Me worry?
# 6855
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Posted
I snatched up my carbine and slid home a round
And focused the nightscope with narry a sound.
The crosshairs were centered, I trembled with glee
Then blew a large hole in the fat elf's right knee.
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--Formerly: Gort--
Posts: 12954 | Registered: May 2004
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Loquacious beachcomber
Shipmate
# 8783
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Posted
As his leg flew apart, and blood drenched his toes,
Spinning backwards and falling, down the chimney he goes.
And then he let loose a most horrid, loud fart;
The son-of-a-bitch blew my chimney apart!
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TODAY'S SPECIAL - AND SO ARE YOU (Sign on beachfront fish & chips shop)
Posts: 5954 | From: Southeast of Wawa, between the beach and the hiking trail.. | Registered: Nov 2004
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Alfred E. Neuman
What? Me worry?
# 6855
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Posted
Socks went a'sailing with brick everywhere
The children were wailing near the top of the stair.
My wife in her kerchief was cursing a streak
Then the fat elf sat up and attempted to speak.
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--Formerly: Gort--
Posts: 12954 | Registered: May 2004
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Nunc Dimittis
Seamstress of Sound
# 848
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Posted
"I never knew orgasm to be such delight
But the chim-in-y tumbling gave me a fright.
Oy you little lady," he said to my wife,
"There's more where that came from," and leered into strife.
Posts: 9515 | From: Delta Quadrant | Registered: Jul 2001
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Loquacious beachcomber
Shipmate
# 8783
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Posted
Then reality hit me with an incredible thump.
His hairpiece betrayed him; the elf looked like Don Trump!
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TODAY'S SPECIAL - AND SO ARE YOU (Sign on beachfront fish & chips shop)
Posts: 5954 | From: Southeast of Wawa, between the beach and the hiking trail.. | Registered: Nov 2004
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Nunc Dimittis
Seamstress of Sound
# 848
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Posted
He tripped as he wrenched my wife's hanky away,
And made for her bosoms, his hands all aflay.
Just as well she was carrying a bowlful of trifle:
Gave me some time to reach for the rifle.
The children screamed as the bullet hit home
Right into the butt of that very fat gnome.
Posts: 9515 | From: Delta Quadrant | Registered: Jul 2001
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Spiffy
Ship's WonderSheep
# 5267
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Posted
More faster than Dead Horses, that lardo did run,
And he wrenched at his jacket, and pulled out a handgun!
Away went the window, he blew apart the sash,
Dove through the gaping hole, and fell into the trash.
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Looking for a simple solution to all life's problems? We are proud to present obstinate denial. Accept no substitute. Accept nothing.
--Night Vale Radio Twitter Account
Posts: 10281 | From: Beervana | Registered: Dec 2003
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Loquacious beachcomber
Shipmate
# 8783
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Posted
And I suddenly realized, I had better retract;
He looked like the Donald, but he wasn't, in fact.
With more weapons than soldiers, his goon squad, they came,
And he whistled, belched, farted, then called them by name;
[ 16. December 2005, 02:19: Message edited by: Jeremiah Gutzywuk ]
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TODAY'S SPECIAL - AND SO ARE YOU (Sign on beachfront fish & chips shop)
Posts: 5954 | From: Southeast of Wawa, between the beach and the hiking trail.. | Registered: Nov 2004
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Janine
The Endless Simmer
# 3337
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Posted
"Hah, Gaston! Ah, 'Tit-boy! Pierre et Renee!"
Gee, Nanette! Gee, Suzette..."
Oh, shoot, wait, wrong thread.
Heck, wrong board.
I'll wait.
Somebody's undoubtedly Googling up the names of all my favorite bigtime Conservatives to use here...
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I'm a Fundagelical Evangimentalist. What are you?
Take Me Home * My Heart * An hour with Rich Mullins *
Posts: 13788 | From: Below the Bible Belt | Registered: Sep 2002
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Alfred E. Neuman
What? Me worry?
# 6855
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Posted
Now, Bastards! Now, Bollox ! now, Damners and Shitzen!
On, Custard! On, Cursers! on, Blunders and Fixen!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now burn away! burn away! burn away all!
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--Formerly: Gort--
Posts: 12954 | Registered: May 2004
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
It came upon the midnight clear
A wailing siren drawing near
A squeal of brakes, a shouting cop -
'All of yous - I'm saying Drop!'
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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CrookedCucumber
Shipmate
# 10792
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Posted
Altogether now... (to the tune of `When Santa got Stuck in the Chimney'):
Wheeeeeeeen Santa got stuck in the chimey
He began to swear
You bastard elves, stop pissing yourselves
And pull me by the hair!
My beard is black
There's soot up my crack
And the fucking fire's still lit!
When Santa got stuck in the chimney
Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh SHIT!
Posts: 2718 | From: East Dogpatch | Registered: Dec 2005
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
To continue from here:
quote:
Now, Bastards! Now, Bollox ! now, Damners and Shitzen!
On, Custard! On, Cursers! on, Blunders and Fixen!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now burn away! burn away! burn away all!
The crippled old perv gave commands to his cronies
No reindeer were these, but disease-riddled ponies
Their bodies were blistered as if by a curse
And hideous enough to make even nuns curse.
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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Wet Kipper
Circus Runaway
# 1654
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Posted
They got out their lighters, and set to their tasks
with oxy-acetylene torches and masks.
They're trying to burn down my garage and house
but they hadn't reckoned on me and my spouse...
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- insert randomly chosen, potentially Deep and Meaningful™ song lyrics here -
Posts: 9841 | From: further up the Hill | Registered: Nov 2001
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
Six shots to the head
Blew Santa off his slider -
'With yer hood pulled up
Yer looked like Al Quaida'
'How do we know
You're not a bomber on a mission?
Better subject the reindeer
To extraordinary rendition'
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Phos Hilaron
Shipmate
# 6914
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Posted
Getting back to Sarkycow's original stanza,
In Hell's kitchen the Devil,
Whislting Christmas Rhyme,
Was stuffing Jerry Springer
With Rosemary and Thyme.
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Gaero?.......Gaero!
Posts: 1684 | From: Choson | Registered: May 2004
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Phos Hilaron
Shipmate
# 6914
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Posted
An hour in the oven,
All succulent and tender,
A fine hors d'oeuvre
For my Christmas bender.
[whoops: cross-posted with Firenze]
[ 16. December 2005, 13:02: Message edited by: HangarQueen ]
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Gaero?.......Gaero!
Posts: 1684 | From: Choson | Registered: May 2004
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
Rosemary really felt
She was going through the wringer
'Could be worse; I could be
Stuffed with Jerry Springer'
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Phos Hilaron
Shipmate
# 6914
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Posted
Then Satan cried "Oh, shit!"
And to his head his hand flew.
"I forgot to defrost him,
Now what shall I do?"
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Gaero?.......Gaero!
Posts: 1684 | From: Choson | Registered: May 2004
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
But Satan being Satan
And a fairly nasty fella
Didn't mind his guests
Catching salmonella.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Carex
Shipmate
# 9643
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Posted
In a shower of sparks and smoke came the Hosts
Who had been sentenced to Hell to read all the posts.
There's Marvin the Martian, who's raygun dismembers,
And SarkyCow gleefully roasts us on embers.
Then, last but not least, with his maple-leaf tuque,
and rapier wit is the one we call..... Ruque????
Posts: 1425 | Registered: Jun 2005
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ChastMastr
Shipmate
# 716
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Posted
An interlude passes,
As CM jumps in;
'Midst jokes about gasses,
Drunk Santas on gin,
And all manner of things both noxious and rude,
In comes CM to brighten the mood! ![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
In a loud and stentorian voice he does cry,
"HA! Think this is the worst? Not at all, say I!
"For I know of things which shall trouble you so,
"That under your beds, cow'ring you'd go,
"To see some of the piccies in newsgroups I've seen
"Would cause quite a few of you to let out a scream
"And wish that you'd never, not ever, been born --
"I speak of that seasonal thing: SANTA PORN!
"Oh, that jolly old man, with his gut and his beard
"Is quite tailor-made for us bears, but it's weird
"To see the same images 'gain and again
"Of Santa Claus spanking and ****ing nude men!
"After a while, the things write themselves
"(Including the frequent gang-bangs with the elves)
"I'm not making this up, no no, not a whit
"I've seen dozens of pictures and stories and shit!
"And every time someone fills up this tired pigeon-hole
"They think that they are the first and original!
"I just want to say that they're not, and my snoring ![[Snore]](graemlins/snore.gif)
"Is not post-coital; I just find it boring.
"I hope that regarding that trend, this'll go
"Allowing for better stuff under the mistletoe
"Santa may know who is naughty and nice,
"But "Naughty Santas Gone Wild!" leaves me cold as ice.
"Not to be nasty or get you all down,
"But this stuff is worse than old Ouchy the Clown!*
"I do tend to love many bearded old men,
"But not the same porn stuff again and again!
"So, repetitive artists, one thing I do list;
"Retire from erotica; you shall not be missed."
And with that request, CM sped on his way
To go on to brighten another thread's day!
"One thing I leave with, and this I say most:
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good post!"
David
* link would not be work-safe; look him up yourself, if you must
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My essays on comics continuity: http://chastmastr.tumblr.com/tagged/continuity
Posts: 14068 | From: Clearwater, Florida | Registered: Jul 2001
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Spiffy
Ship's WonderSheep
# 5267
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Posted
"Tis true!" the wee Sheepish one cried,
"CM tells of the things from which mere mortals hide,
But I'm here to warn ye of a fate worse than Santa spooge,
Forwarded emails to get you in the 'Christmas Mood'!
Tales of poor children getting their fondest wish,
Recipes for 'The BEST Gefilte Fish!!!'
Photoshopped Elves singing MIDI tunes,
And enough 'Christmas Wars' newsletters to make grown men swoon.
Why is it that no one can remember
How to use punctuation and grammar at the end of December?
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Looking for a simple solution to all life's problems? We are proud to present obstinate denial. Accept no substitute. Accept nothing.
--Night Vale Radio Twitter Account
Posts: 10281 | From: Beervana | Registered: Dec 2003
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Archimandrite
Shipmate
# 3997
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Posted
Now David is gone and his post's at an end
To this hideous saga we must all attend...
"Not far from the scene of our horrible tale,
about half a mile: there you cannot fail
to see the town square with its drunkards so merry
and twelve-year old tartlets a-hawking their cherry,
and there, in the corner there sits one half-dead
with a stained fur-trimmed hat adorning his head.
He holds up a banner upon which is writ,
'Keep Xmas as Xmas' (in the colour of shit):
"I love," quoth the urine-soaked ne'er-do-well,
all things about Christmas, its noises and smell,
and each day at six I am ready for fun:
I heat up a microwave Turkey-for-One."
His house is adorned with the tackiest lights,
Inflatable angels illumine the nights,
And after his dinner, as Christmas draws near,
in the heart of this happiest time of the year,
he goes to the square with his banner so foul
and bellows and bellows his dread, dismal howl:
"I used to be someone, but I was forgot,
I was bigger than Lennon, the whole bloody lot,
It's MY birthday, Christmas, the clue's in the name!
Two thousand long years I have been at this game!
And now I'm an adjunct, discarded, outpriced:
At Xmas there's none who's worse off than the Christ."
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"Loyal Anglican" (Warning: General Synod may differ).
Posts: 1580 | From: Oxford | Registered: Jan 2003
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Sophie Bell
Shipmate
# 8822
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Posted
Ahem, said a small voice away in the back,
“Forgive my poor rhyming, I’m a bit of a hack,
but despite all your woes of shitty email and Santa’s gone queer,
be grateful you’re not working retail, this time of year.”
“Oh the stories we poor mall-dwellers can share,
of small children gone mad, and shoppers who scare.
The crowds at the door who simply won’t wait,
And trample you down as you open the gate.”
“The joy of wearing a hot pink Santa hat
While fitting a woman who is far beyond too fat
For a bit of chiffon with some rhinestones affixed
And convincing her it will make her a minx.”
“Oh guiding around the befuddled men
Who’ve not bought for their wives since the kiddies turned ten
Showing them this bit of lace and that bit of fluff
Disgusted they don’t know which size is enough.”
“I love Christmas for it brings me a raise
Which it certainly should, for putting up with the craze.
But Happy Christmas Music makes me want to scream
Because I’ve been hearing it since Halloween!”
Posts: 151 | From: Tennessee | Registered: Dec 2004
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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Carex:
In a shower of sparks and smoke came the Hosts
Who had been sentenced to Hell to read all the posts.
There's Marvin the Martian, who's raygun dismembers,
And SarkyCow gleefully roasts us on embers.
Then, last but not least, with his maple-leaf tuque,
and rapier wit is the one we call..... Ruque????
Behind them appeared
Hellish denizens a-plenty
And some demons and imps
Numbering around twenty
[ETA: Nice interludes and cross-poems ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif) ]
[ 17. December 2005, 17:39: Message edited by: Sarkycow ]
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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”
Posts: 10787 | Registered: Jul 2001
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Anselmina
Ship's barmaid
# 3032
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Posted
{After the original)
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
I said, 'I'm with PETA, you murdering brute!
To make yourself pretty, which animal rare
was skinned just to keep your arse warm in night air?'
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
and the smoke of it choked me; 'You prat! I can't breathe!'
I cried as I wheezed, my anger aroused,
'You can smoke in't back garden, but not in this house!'
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
'I know about your type,' I said, 'from the telly,'
'You fatties are taking much more than your due;
No bloody mince pies, Lardie, rice cakes for you!'
He sprang to his sleigh, and he cheerfully laughed.
Til I said: 'Got a licence for driving that craft?'
But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he drove out of sight,
'Bugger off, you daft sods! Do your own Christmas Night!'
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Irish dogs needing homes! http://www.dogactionwelfaregroup.ie/ Greyhounds and Lurchers are shipped over to England for rehoming too!
Posts: 10002 | From: Scotland the Brave | Registered: Jul 2002
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Ags
Knocked up
# 204
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Posted
(after Sarky's last post)
They wore black leather g-strings
That shone in the glow
Of the fires of hell
Burning up all the snow.
Sarky Cow sniffed the air,
"I can smell something funny."
She whipped round to glare
At a small, fluffy bunny.........
[ 17. December 2005, 20:00: Message edited by: Ags ]
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I think that we are most ourselves at our best, because that is what God intended us to be. The us we really like, the us that others love to be with. Moth
Posts: 2707 | From: London | Registered: May 2001
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duchess
Ship's Blue Blooded Lady
# 2764
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Posted
Much debauchery was going that night; drunken skunks & skinmag skimmers sunk, putting more darkness in the light...
When out of the chimney popped some fat bitch with a steel-plated RSV to see what was the matter.
"Get Up glitzen, up dancer, up rudolph, up prancer!"
Then she looked off to the right and saw an even more heinous sight; CDs of praise songs were being burned by a pestilential Dick Van Dyke!
He lurched at her, & grabbed his overflowing bag...
"You won't get me praise songs lassie this day, I hate hymns and will break church tradition every which way!"
His horrid cockney accent made her clutch her chest with fright and faint...as he ran to the pub to have yet another pint.
[argh]
[ 17. December 2005, 20:14: Message edited by: duchess ]
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♬♭ We're setting sail to the place on the map from which nobody has ever returned ♫♪♮
Ship of Fools-World Party
Posts: 11197 | From: Do you know the way? | Registered: May 2002
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
See amid the winter snow
Drunken elves in a row:
It came upon the midnight clear
Another raucous shout of 'Beer!'
O little town of Bethlehem
Your gutters run with spew and phlegm
O come all ye faithful
And have another faceful
Stille Nacht, Heilige Nacht
We're all completely facked.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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HopPik
Shipmate
# 8510
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Posted
So fire and sulphur spewing around
Santa gave forth a terrible sound
And rearing above the whole earth in a rage
Said, Come all you children, it's time to engage
In destruction and mayhem, the end of all pleasure
Let's give all those demons a time they will treasure.
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Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and supposedly the pig enjoys it. G.B. Shaw
Posts: 2084 | From: London | Registered: Sep 2004
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The Bede's American Successor
Curmudgeon-in-Training
# 5042
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by MarkthePunk:
Then a punkish Fundie came stalking down the road
With a face as bitter as a toad:
"I tried to tell you, but you wouldn't listen.
Santa is just a respelling of Satan."
<tangent class="related">
Santas go on rampage in New Zealand
</tangent>
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This was the iniquity of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride of wealth and food in plenty, comfort and ease, and yet she never helped the poor and the wretched.
—Ezekiel 16.49
Posts: 6079 | From: The banks of Possession Sound | Registered: Oct 2003
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Cusanus
Ship's Schoolmaster
# 692
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Posted
[slight tangent]
Hey Santa Claus you c**t, where's me f*cking bike
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"You are qualified," sa fotherington-tomas, "becos you can frankly never pass an exam and have 0 branes. Obviously you will be a skoolmaster - there is no other choice."
Posts: 3120 | From: The Peninsula | Registered: Jul 2001
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
'Twas the night before Christmas in the White House
And nothing was stirring save Dubya, the louse
He sat in his office composing his list
For Saint Nick and he'd really insist
That after Iraq and Afghanistan
He really would like to get his hands on Iran
The Ayatollahs' days he thought were quite done
What they needed instead was Pat Robertson
He knew already that whate'er may transpire
He'd go down in history as a man of empire
Reagan had decried another empire as evil
But what of an emperor with the brain of a weevil?
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
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What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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daronmedway
Shipmate
# 3012
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Posted
Our annual argument fast approaches;
Anger, slander, unfounded reproaches.
I have no interest in your opinion,
You're a sick sad loser,
You're Satan's minion.
Posts: 6976 | From: Southampton | Registered: Jul 2002
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Archimandrite
Shipmate
# 3997
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Posted
...Whilst over in London, not far from Big Ben,
In the craven First Lord of the Treasury's den
A meeting most urgent was there taking place -
It seemed like our ruler had egg on his face.
The problem was this: at the end of the year
The Last Trump had blown, and the Judgement was here,
And those who'd been raptured had vanished away,
Limbo and Purgatory'd had their last day,
The Prophets were back, there were chariots of fire,
In short, Earth had now reached the end of the wire.
The Angelic Recorder had ticked off his list,
but one squirming bastard, it seemed, had been missed.
So, armed with a clipboard, he flew through the air
And arrived in the office of A. C. L. Blair:
"What's this then: no Judgement, no Heaven or Hell?
No marks for the bad things, the things you've done well?
I'm not sure what God the Almighty has planned:
But it sure ain't a place in the Heavenly Band.
So come on, cough up then, you shifty stoolpigeon"
Quoth Blair, "see, the thing is, we don't do religion..."
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"Loyal Anglican" (Warning: General Synod may differ).
Posts: 1580 | From: Oxford | Registered: Jan 2003
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
Trying desperately to salvage the original poem...
The demons were partying down in the lane
And leather-clad denizens danced in their pain
The tinsel was smouldering down in the grate
The rivers of fire were now in full spate
When Santa declared with a cancerous cough
"This is Christmas in Hell - Fluffy Bunnies FUCK OFF!"
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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