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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Hell: Christmas in Hell
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Grits
Compassionate fundamentalist
# 4169
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Posted
Merriam-Webster defines shore as "the land bordering a usually large body of water; specifically : COAST". Britannica defines it as "broad area of land that borders the sea."
Rivers don't have shores.
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Lord, fill my mouth with worthwhile stuff, and shut it when I've said enough. Amen.
Posts: 8419 | From: Nashville, TN | Registered: Feb 2003
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
I love it when the Denizens accuse each other of pedantry. It's like the girls at the Caddilac Ranch calling each other sluts.
Oh and Gort? Don't your hindquarters still smart from the last time you coughed up a chunk of copyrighted material in Hell?
[sing-song]Gort's gonna get it... Gort's gonna get it...[/sing-song]
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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tomb
Shipmate
# 174
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Posted
Somebody close this damn thread. It's gone all to Hell.
Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001
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Alfred E. Neuman
What? Me worry?
# 6855
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
[sing-song]Gort's gonna get it... Gort's gonna get it...[/sing-song]
Awww... crap.
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--Formerly: Gort--
Posts: 12954 | Registered: May 2004
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RooK
1 of 6
# 1852
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Posted
[HELLHOST]
As a handy reminder*, posters** are actively discouraged*** from including copyright material****.
* handy reminder = for the last fucking time
** posters = you mentally colicky shit for brains
*** actively discouraged ~ if it happens again I'm going to grate off your fingers with a cheese grater by starting at your feet
**** copyright material = stuff you didn't write yourself, moron
[/HELLHOST]
Personally, I'm hoping that Sarky will summarily delete all the posts that don't contribute to the central poem.
Posts: 15274 | From: Portland, Oregon, USA, Earth | Registered: Nov 2001
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
Personally, I'm hoping that Sarky will summarily delete all the posts that don't contribute to the central poem.
How cute! You've mistaken this for a Heaven thread!
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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Grits
Compassionate fundamentalist
# 4169
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Marvin the Martian:
Trying desperately to salvage the original poem...
The demons were partying down in the lane
And leather-clad denizens danced in their pain
The tinsel was smouldering down in the grate
The rivers of fire were now in full spate
When Santa declared with a cancerous cough
"This is Christmas in Hell - Fluffy Bunnies FUCK OFF!"
Here's where we were.
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Lord, fill my mouth with worthwhile stuff, and shut it when I've said enough. Amen.
Posts: 8419 | From: Nashville, TN | Registered: Feb 2003
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Zappa
Ship's Wake
# 8433
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Oh and Gort? Don't your hindquarters still smart from the last time you coughed up a chunk of copyrighted material in Hell?
[sing-song]Gort's gonna get it... Gort's gonna get it...[/sing-song]
Still, you have to question why anyone would trouble the lawyers with that sentimental pile of donkey cum. ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
It reminds me of "oooh we chirpy chirpy cheep cheep." Deep (and I'm not jealous that the respective authors have made heaps of indulama (bux) out of the vacuous ditties. No. Not at all. ![[Disappointed]](graemlins/disappointed.gif) )
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shameless self promotion - because I think it's worth it
and mayhap this too: http://broken-moments.blogspot.co.nz/
Posts: 18917 | From: "Central" is all they call it | Registered: Sep 2004
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
Actually, Grits, Ags followed up my attempt with this:
quote:
Originally posted by Ags:
The bunnies were shaken, their fear was profound
They huddled in corners and stared at the ground.
A christmas tree fairy, her wings ripped to shreds,
Lay on top of a pile of vile severered heads.
Santa's boots shook the ground as he loomed overhead,
"This is Hell, little bunnies, and soon you'll be dead!"
But one little rabbit, still quaking with fear,
Said, "Dear Santa, don't kill us, not this time of year.
Just think of the angels and babe in a manger.
If you kill us your soul will be in real danger."
The denizens roared and the red fires blazed
On the cruel black knife in Santa's fist raised....
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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Sine Nomine
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 66
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
Personally, I'm hoping that Sarky will summarily delete all the posts that don't contribute to the central poem.
Personally I think the thread disintegrating into pointless tangential bickering is the very essence of Christmas in Hell.
Gives it a real air of authenticity.
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Precious, Precious, Sweet, Sweet Daddy...
Posts: 16639 | From: lat. 36.24/lon. 86.84 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Laura
General nuisance
# 10
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Mousethief:
quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
Uppity? I thought I was pretty much doing a little factual re-capping. A short review, as it were, of Jere's recent posts. Was I inaccurate in some way?
Just your megalomaniacal insistence that rivers don't have shores, in defiance of all logic and dictionaries. But hey don't let logic or common usage stop you. You're more fun that way.
Look, at least he was defending Laura Ingalls Wilder from Gutzywyk butchery. And he did point out the idiocy of typing, "but I can't check because I haven't got any books here" on a computer with internet access.
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Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence. - Erich Fromm
Posts: 16883 | From: East Coast, USA | Registered: Apr 2001
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Loquacious beachcomber
Shipmate
# 8783
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Laura:
quote:
Originally posted by Mousethief:
quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
Uppity? I thought I was pretty much doing a little factual re-capping. A short review, as it were, of Jere's recent posts. Was I inaccurate in some way?
Just your megalomaniacal insistence that rivers don't have shores, in defiance of all logic and dictionaries. But hey don't let logic or common usage stop you. You're more fun that way.
Look, at least he was defending Laura Ingalls Wilder from Gutzywyk butchery. And he did point out the idiocy of typing, "but I can't check because I haven't got any books here" on a computer with internet access.
Ya gotta admit, though, it is kinda cute how Sine suggested that I was just trying to stir up shit, then allowed himself to get all stirred up - as did several others.
If I had any idea what the central poem was, I might add something rude to it; however, Sarky, who started the thread, congratulated folks for cross-post poems, so maybe a shitty sort of stew is what is needed. Endless, pointless bickering may just remind folks of being home for the holidays.
Not me though; all my relatives are wonderful to be around, all of the time.
Posts: 5954 | From: Southeast of Wawa, between the beach and the hiking trail.. | Registered: Nov 2004
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RooK
1 of 6
# 1852
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
Personally I think the thread disintegrating into pointless tangential bickering is the very essence of Christmas in Hell.
Gives it a real air of authenticity.
You make a good point.
Posts: 15274 | From: Portland, Oregon, USA, Earth | Registered: Nov 2001
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RooK
1 of 6
# 1852
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Jeremiah Gutzywuk:
all my relatives are wonderful to be around, all of the time.
You know how they say, "there's always one in every crowd"? Well, process of elimination made you its bitch this time, Jer.
Posts: 15274 | From: Portland, Oregon, USA, Earth | Registered: Nov 2001
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Loquacious beachcomber
Shipmate
# 8783
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Posted
It would be quite rude of me to ignore Sine's suggestion that I use Google, and being rude is quite out of character for me.
Here, then is a Goggle search for river shores.
I particularly like the site anmed "Mississippi Solo: A River Quest", which discusses the alligators along the shores of the Mississippi so thanks for the suggestion, Sine.
[ 23. December 2005, 13:32: Message edited by: Jeremiah Gutzywuk ]
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TODAY'S SPECIAL - AND SO ARE YOU (Sign on beachfront fish & chips shop)
Posts: 5954 | From: Southeast of Wawa, between the beach and the hiking trail.. | Registered: Nov 2004
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Loquacious beachcomber
Shipmate
# 8783
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Posted
Bugger. That should be named, not anmed. So busy doing preview post on code that I missed preview post on spelling. I look near as silly as Sine at this point.
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TODAY'S SPECIAL - AND SO ARE YOU (Sign on beachfront fish & chips shop)
Posts: 5954 | From: Southeast of Wawa, between the beach and the hiking trail.. | Registered: Nov 2004
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Grits
Compassionate fundamentalist
# 4169
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Posted
Goggle searches don't really count.
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Lord, fill my mouth with worthwhile stuff, and shut it when I've said enough. Amen.
Posts: 8419 | From: Nashville, TN | Registered: Feb 2003
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Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Grits:
Goggle searches don't really count.
Would you find goggles in the Mississippi? Isn't it an awfully muddy river?
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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"
(Paul Sinha, BBC)
Posts: 24276 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004
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Loquacious beachcomber
Shipmate
# 8783
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Posted
This is just too easy. ![[Devil]](graemlins/devil.gif)
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TODAY'S SPECIAL - AND SO ARE YOU (Sign on beachfront fish & chips shop)
Posts: 5954 | From: Southeast of Wawa, between the beach and the hiking trail.. | Registered: Nov 2004
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Loquacious beachcomber
Shipmate
# 8783
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
"Shore of the Mississippi" - 700 results on Google
"Banks of the Mississippi" - 131,000 results on Google
You do the math, big boy.
If rivers don't have shores, as you have insisted, wouldn't that be 0 results, not 700?
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TODAY'S SPECIAL - AND SO ARE YOU (Sign on beachfront fish & chips shop)
Posts: 5954 | From: Southeast of Wawa, between the beach and the hiking trail.. | Registered: Nov 2004
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RooK
1 of 6
# 1852
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Posted
Wow. Somebody has a freakish misunderstanding of the material available on the internet.
Posts: 15274 | From: Portland, Oregon, USA, Earth | Registered: Nov 2001
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Loquacious beachcomber
Shipmate
# 8783
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
Wow. Somebody has a freakish misunderstanding of the material available on the internet.
RooK is an idiot - 95,900 results here kinda proves your point, does it not?
Did anyone bring a plate of brownies to this party?
[ 23. December 2005, 14:42: Message edited by: Jeremiah Gutzywuk ]
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TODAY'S SPECIAL - AND SO ARE YOU (Sign on beachfront fish & chips shop)
Posts: 5954 | From: Southeast of Wawa, between the beach and the hiking trail.. | Registered: Nov 2004
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beachpsalms
Shipmate
# 4979
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Posted
Of course, Jeremiah, if you put the phrase in quotes, so that you are actually pulling up the phrase you typed in, you find out that RooK is a lesbian visiting Seattle... which result might make me question the validity of the search results.
(edited [by beachlass] for wonky code)
[Link reinserted]
[ 23. December 2005, 15:04: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
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"You willing to die for that belief?"
"I am. 'Course, that ain't exactly Plan A."
Posts: 826 | From: a hamster's cheek-pouch full of raisins | Registered: Sep 2003
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Loquacious beachcomber
Shipmate
# 8783
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by beachlass:
Of course, Jeremiah, if you put the phrase in quotes, so that you are actually pulling up the phrase you typed in, you find out that RooK is a lesbian visiting Seattle... which result might make me question the validity of the search results.
(edited for wonky code)
Questioning the validity of search results seemed to be exactly the point that Rook was making - in his idiotic way, of course.
Poetry, now, anyone?
Has anyone tried a Google search on Christmas poems?
"The Fight Before Christmas", perhaps?
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TODAY'S SPECIAL - AND SO ARE YOU (Sign on beachfront fish & chips shop)
Posts: 5954 | From: Southeast of Wawa, between the beach and the hiking trail.. | Registered: Nov 2004
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beachpsalms
Shipmate
# 4979
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Posted
going from Ags
quote:
But one little rabbit, still quaking with fear,
Said, "Dear Santa, don't kill us, not this time of year.
Just think of the angels and babe in a manger.
If you kill us your soul will be in real danger."
The denizens roared and the red fires blazed
On the cruel black knife in Santa's fist raised....
In bunnies and lapins and rabbits it plunged
And all of the fluffiness soon was expunged
The white rabbit fur, with blood it was matted
and the cruel black knife fell to ground with a clatter.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I was filled with cold dread.
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"You willing to die for that belief?"
"I am. 'Course, that ain't exactly Plan A."
Posts: 826 | From: a hamster's cheek-pouch full of raisins | Registered: Sep 2003
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by beachlass:
Of course, Jeremiah, if you put the phrase in quotes, so that you are actually pulling up the phrase you typed in, you find out that RooK is a lesbian visiting Seattle...
Shoot, and she never dropped in to say "hi". ![[Waterworks]](graemlins/bawling.gif)
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012
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Posted
Fuck off and argue about the Mississippi elsewhere.
If you can't stick to the central theme here - Christmas in Hell - then go waffle in Heaven.
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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”
Posts: 10787 | Registered: Jul 2001
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Loquacious beachcomber
Shipmate
# 8783
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Posted
Sarky, the Hellhost
Had a party planned in hell,
With some poetry, pedantry,
And lots of folks who couldn't spell.
Sarky, the Hellhost
Knew the flames were hot that day.
So she snarled "Better run, this is no fun,
I'll rip you a new asshole today."
She led them down where they would drown
In the molten lava flow,
And she only paused for laughter when
She heard them pleading "No!"
There must have been some magic in
That toasting fork she found;
For when she shoved it up their asses
They all fell straight to the ground.
Oooohhh, Sarky, the Hellhost ...
(Someone else want to take it from there? ![[Confused]](confused.gif) )
[ 23. December 2005, 16:59: Message edited by: Jeremiah Gutzywuk ]
Posts: 5954 | From: Southeast of Wawa, between the beach and the hiking trail.. | Registered: Nov 2004
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Pax Romana
Shipmate
# 4653
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Posted
Five days before Christmas
And all through the town
No busses or subways
Were chugging along.
The people were freezing
Their butts off outside
While desperately trying
To just get a ride.
Pax Romana
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I used to wake up at 4 A.M. and start sneezing, sometimes for five hours. I tried to find out what sort of allergy I had but finally came to the conclusion that it must be an allergy to consciousness.
James Thurber
Posts: 4598 | From: New York City | Registered: Jun 2003
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Loquacious beachcomber
Shipmate
# 8783
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Posted
Alright, be like that. I'll finish meself.
Oooohhh Sarky the Hellhost
Had to hurry on her way,
So she said "Fuck off, you half-baked toff;
Find another place to play!"
Thumpety-thump-thump, thumpety-thump-thump,
Look at Sarky toast;
Thumpety-thump-thump,Thumpety-thump-thump,
She's found another fool to roast.
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TODAY'S SPECIAL - AND SO ARE YOU (Sign on beachfront fish & chips shop)
Posts: 5954 | From: Southeast of Wawa, between the beach and the hiking trail.. | Registered: Nov 2004
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
Nicely done, Gutz! ![[Overused]](graemlins/notworthy.gif)
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
We are Santa's elves
We fill Santa's shelves
Hard we labour
(Santa's a slaver)
Call the AFL!
We work hard all day
For substandard pay
Loud we cry out,
Pray for a buy-out,
We are Santa's elves.
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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Loquacious beachcomber
Shipmate
# 8783
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Posted
Can we try one verse at a time again? Sombody - anybody - jump in.
Santa got run over by a Hellhost
Trying to load his sleigh for Christmas Eve;
You can say there's no such thing as Martians,
But as for me and Santa, we believe.
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TODAY'S SPECIAL - AND SO ARE YOU (Sign on beachfront fish & chips shop)
Posts: 5954 | From: Southeast of Wawa, between the beach and the hiking trail.. | Registered: Nov 2004
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duchess
Ship's Blue Blooded Lady
# 2764
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Posted
That was not Santa but an innocent animal out on the road at the wrong time in the middle of the night.
Skippy was rammed repeatedly by a weary traveler, who woke up too late in time, to see what was the matter.
Tender he tasted, his carcass not wasted.
Marinated in decadent Australian wine sauces.
The shock and horror of the Grinch eating this steak, is all too frightful, too grim for me to begin without first some more alcohol to drink, let me start with some good gin.
[ 23. December 2005, 23:39: Message edited by: duchess ]
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♬♭ We're setting sail to the place on the map from which nobody has ever returned ♫♪♮
Ship of Fools-World Party
Posts: 11197 | From: Do you know the way? | Registered: May 2002
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Loquacious beachcomber
Shipmate
# 8783
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Posted
When we found him the next morning,
Where the event had come to pass,
There were disintegration rays on his forehead,
And incriminating Mars Bars up his ass.
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TODAY'S SPECIAL - AND SO ARE YOU (Sign on beachfront fish & chips shop)
Posts: 5954 | From: Southeast of Wawa, between the beach and the hiking trail.. | Registered: Nov 2004
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HopPik
Shipmate
# 8510
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by duchess:
That was not Santa but an innocent animal out on the road at the wrong time in the middle of the night.
Skippy was rammed repeatedly by a weary traveler, who woke up too late in time, to see what was the matter.
Tender he tasted, his carcass not wasted.
Marinated in decadent Australian wine sauces.
The shock and horror of the Grinch eating this steak, is all too frightful, too grim for me to begin without first some more alcohol to drink, let me start with some good gin.
Ummm Duchess, did you hit the gin before or after you wrote that?
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Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and supposedly the pig enjoys it. G.B. Shaw
Posts: 2084 | From: London | Registered: Sep 2004
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Vaagrant
Apprentice
# 10409
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Posted
broters and sisters have I. Well done
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What? Me Worry?-Alfred E Neuman
Posts: 29 | From: USA | Registered: Sep 2005
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
It was Christmas Eve in the workhouse
And the gin was a running low
I heard an angel singing
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.
The shades of night were falling fast
When first you went to follow the gun
Twas brillig and the slithy toves
Crossed the Esk river where ford there was none.
When lilacs last in the dooryard bloom'd,
Twas in the month of December, and in the year 1883
The curfew tolls the knell of parting day
And oh, the difference to me.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Traveller
Shipmate
# 1943
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Firenze:
It was Christmas Eve in the workhouse
And the gin was a running low...
ROTFLMAO
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I will sing unto the Lord as long as I live:
I will praise my God while I have my being.
Psalm 104 v.33
Posts: 1037 | From: Wherever the car has stopped at the moment! | Registered: Dec 2001
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