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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Heaven: That's not in the Bible!
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jedijudy
Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333
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Posted
I was reading in Ecclesiantics about Methodists wearing robes, and how the practice was in question because it's not in the Bible. Autenrieth Road suggested that there might be other practices in church that are not included in the Bible.
I agree! I think we heathens are doing things in church every service that Jesus and the prophets never did!
For instance, switching on the lights. That surely would have caused the religious leaders of the time to call for our heads...or some such.
What other un-Biblical things are we doing? I suspect there will be little repentance.
![[Devil]](graemlins/devil.gif)
[ 02. July 2010, 18:31: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
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Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.
Posts: 18017 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001
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Drifting Star
Drifting against the wind
# 12799
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Posted
My church is giving out hot cross buns on Friday. I can't find that anywhere in my Bible. Please don't tell anyone.
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The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Heraclitus
Posts: 3126 | From: A thin place. | Registered: Jul 2007
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dj_ordinaire
Host
# 4643
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by jedijudy:
For instance, switching on the lights. That surely would have caused the religious leaders of the time to call for our heads...or some such.
But but but... Surely the bit about not hiding our lights under bushels is apposite here...?
Arriving by motor-car, less so...
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Flinging wide the gates...
Posts: 10335 | From: Hanging in the balance of the reality of man | Registered: Jun 2003
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Mamacita
Lakefront liberal
# 3659
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Posted
Certainly sound systems would be unBiblical. Our clergy and/or worship leaders should not be miked. Whatever happened to "voices crying in the wilderness?" or even the suburbs? It's a travesty, I tell you.
[ 19. March 2008, 18:53: Message edited by: Mamacita ]
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Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.
Posts: 20761 | From: where the purple line ends | Registered: Dec 2002
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the pilgrim
Ship's Brownist
# 13263
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Posted
How about reading from the Gospels. No one in the bible ever did that! - Oh my God! We're all going to hell!! ![[Eek!]](eek.gif) ![[Help]](graemlins/help.gif) ![[Ultra confused]](graemlins/confused2.gif)
[ 19. March 2008, 18:55: Message edited by: the pilgrim ]
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Life is good in the palm of God's hand.
Posts: 841 | From: the palm of the mitten | Registered: Dec 2007
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Alban
Shipmate
# 9047
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Posted
The installation of a whacking great big cross on the outside of/at the front of the place of worship isn't mentioned in my bible.
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Whoever you are, wherever you go, Hophtrig is your friend!
Posts: 722 | From: Under a (long white) cloud | Registered: Feb 2005
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MiceElf
Not your average mouse
# 4389
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Posted
I am going to look to confirm, but I am sure as sure well as sure as I can be that no - one, nowhere, in the Bible ever sang 'Shine Jesus Shine'.
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What do we want.... Cure for Obesity
When do we want it.... After Dessert.
Posts: 1032 | From: OILOVWOIGHT | Registered: Apr 2003
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Zealot en vacance
Shipmate
# 9795
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Posted
If there had been any of that Sunday school show and tell nonsense at the end of worship, I am sure there would have been mentions of the resulting rendings by wild animals / rains of burning brimstone / pillar of salt type consequences.
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He said, "Love one another".
Posts: 2014 | From: Surface of planet Earth | Registered: Jul 2005
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Polly
Shipmate
# 1107
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Drifting Star:
My church is giving out hot cross buns on Friday. I can't find that anywhere in my Bible. Please don't tell anyone.
We're doing that at our church as well and then on Saturday we're having an Easter Egg Hunt for teh kids in the community.
Posts: 560 | From: St Albans | Registered: Aug 2001
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Pax Romana
Shipmate
# 4653
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Posted
Our church has Masses in English and in Spanish.
I don't recall anywhere in the Bible where those two languages are mentioned.
We are headed straight for perdition!
![[Paranoid]](graemlins/paranoid.gif)
Pax Romana
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I used to wake up at 4 A.M. and start sneezing, sometimes for five hours. I tried to find out what sort of allergy I had but finally came to the conclusion that it must be an allergy to consciousness.
James Thurber
Posts: 4598 | From: New York City | Registered: Jun 2003
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Random Cathoholic
Shipmate
# 13129
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Posted
I'm a church organist. Needless to say, I'm damned. But you all knew that anyway.
Posts: 598 | Registered: Nov 2007
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angelfish
Shipmate
# 8884
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Posted
No, no 'tis the guitarists who are dammned. I think the organ, though not mentioned in the Bible, was ratified by the Council at Nicea, so it's OK.
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"As God is my witness, I WILL kick Bishop Brennan up the arse!"
Posts: 1017 | From: England | Registered: Dec 2004
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jedijudy
Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Anglo-Cathoholic:
I'm a church organist. Needless to say, I'm damned. But you all knew that anyway.
*sigh* Me too.
And I'm quite sure there's no Bach mentioned in the Old or New Testaments.
hmmm...Do you think they had indoor toilet facilities in the temples?
[X-posted with angelfish]
[ 19. March 2008, 20:38: Message edited by: jedijudy ]
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Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.
Posts: 18017 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001
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Autenrieth Road
Shipmate
# 10509
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Posted
I shall immediately petition that the Book of Common Prayer in our pews be replaced by the Scroll of Common Prayer.
The characteristic red doors and The Episcopal Church Welcomes You sign will be the next to go.
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Truth
Posts: 9559 | From: starlight | Registered: Oct 2005
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ORGANMEISTER
Shipmate
# 6621
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Posted
Jedijudy, I think your mention of turning on the lights would have been proscribed in 1st cent. Jerusalem. Jewish law prohibited lighting a fire on the sabbath and that has been interpreted in modern times to include turning on a light switch by some groups of very conservative, orthodox Jews.
I think organists need not fear perdition but I can't say the same for electronic keyboard players.
Posts: 3162 | From: Somerset, PA - USA | Registered: May 2004
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jedijudy
Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333
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Posted
I can see that we are really bad, evil folk. And undoubtedly in deep doodoo.
I suppose we have to trade our clocks for sundials, now. How are we to tell when to start sunrise service this Sunday? Oh, wait. That's not mentioned in the Bible, either.
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Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.
Posts: 18017 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001
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Esmeralda
Ship's token UK Mennonite
# 582
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Posted
Switching on the lights on the Sabbath? That's extremely unbiblical. Everyone knows you get a shikse (Gentile woman) to do that for you.
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I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand.
http://reversedstandard.wordpress.com/
Posts: 17415 | From: A small island nobody pays any attention to | Registered: Jun 2001
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Drifting Star
Drifting against the wind
# 12799
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Autenrieth Road:
I shall immediately petition that the Book of Common Prayer in our pews be replaced by the Scroll of Common Prayer.
The characteristic red doors and The Episcopal Church Welcomes You sign will be the next to go.
And the pews themselves - how unbiblical!
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The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Heraclitus
Posts: 3126 | From: A thin place. | Registered: Jul 2007
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daisymay
St Elmo's Fire
# 1480
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Anglo-Cathoholic:
I'm a church organist. Needless to say, I'm damned. But you all knew that anyway.
Maybe when we have had tabla and sitar played instead of organ, piano, trumpet or guitar at other times... is that even less scriptural?
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London
Flickr fotos
Posts: 11224 | From: London - originally Dundee, Blairgowrie etc... | Registered: Oct 2001
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infinite_monkey
Shipmate
# 11333
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Posted
Jesus ate no donuts. Neither should we.
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His light was lifted just above the Law,
And now we have to live with what we did with what we saw.
--Dar Williams, And a God Descended
Obligatory Blog Flog: www.otherteacher.wordpress.com
Posts: 1423 | From: left coast united states | Registered: Apr 2006
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
Glass windows. Stained or otherwise. Maybe something translucent could be worked out with sheep-hide?
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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Timothy the Obscure
Mostly Friendly
# 292
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by angelfish:
No, no 'tis the guitarists who are dammned. I think the organ, though not mentioned in the Bible, was ratified by the Council at Nicea, so it's OK.
No, the psalm says to praise the Lord using an instrument with ten strings--obviously the Baroque guitar, with five double courses (the low E string is heterodox, to say the least).
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When you think of the long and gloomy history of man, you will find more hideous crimes have been committed in the name of obedience than have ever been committed in the name of rebellion.
- C. P. Snow
Posts: 6114 | From: PDX | Registered: May 2001
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MSHB
Shipmate
# 9228
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Posted
No NT local church is lead by a person called the "pastor".
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MSHB: Member of the Shire Hobbit Brigade
Posts: 1522 | From: Dharawal Country | Registered: Mar 2005
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Anselm
Shipmate
# 4499
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Posted
I feel that I could speak some words of comfort at this time quote:
My church is giving out hot cross buns on Friday.
Mark 6
Mamacita asked quote:
Whatever happened to "voices crying in the wilderness?"
which I feel may have some connection with footdoc's observation quote:
no - one, nowhere, in the Bible ever sang 'Shine Jesus Shine'.
ahh, but why do you think the voices were crying in the wilderness?
The Pilgrim suggested quote:
How about reading from the Gospels. No one in the bible ever did that!
I'm pretty sure that Jesus quoted fairly extensively from the Gospels - in fact, he seemed rather fond of the red letter bits quote:
Switching on the lights on the Sabbath?
We pretty much don't switch on any church lights on the Sabbath - now the day after the Sabbath, on Sundays, well, we switch all our lights on then.
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carpe diem domini
...seize the day to play dominoes?
Posts: 2544 | From: The Scriptorium | Registered: May 2003
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Badger Lady
Shipmate
# 13453
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Posted
From what I recall, the Bible is not that hot on worship on a Sunday. So that does for us all, save for the 7th Day Adventists.
Posts: 340 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2008
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The Rogue
Shipmate
# 2275
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Posted
On the other hand the Bible does not expressly forbid mobile phones during the service. We must all bring them in, leave them switched on and text each other during the sermon.
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If everyone starts thinking outside the box does outside the box come back inside?
Posts: 2507 | From: Toton | Registered: Feb 2002
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Beautiful Dreamer
Shipmate
# 10880
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Posted
There is nothing in the Bible to suggest that real wine was not used at the Last Supper. So churches (like the Baptists) who insist on using grape juice are clearly misguided.
Also, no mention of songbooks or singing out of any written material.
We should also only be reading the Epistles from the paper it was written on and not out of a book. They were read as letters in the beginning and should continue in that. ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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More where that came from
Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!
Posts: 6028 | From: Outside Atlanta, GA | Registered: Jan 2006
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Anselm:
which I feel may have some connection with footdoc's observation quote:
no - one, nowhere, in the Bible ever sang 'Shine Jesus Shine'.
ahh, but why do you think the voices were crying in the wilderness?
Because they had to sing naff worship songs*.
Sadly, the sermon is mentioned in the Bible. But the offering isn't.
*this was at tabernacles that were trying to be more hip and relevant and thus not using the Psalter.
[ 20. March 2008, 14:29: Message edited by: MouseThief ]
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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Autenrieth Road
Shipmate
# 10509
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by MouseThief:
Sadly, the sermon is mentioned in the Bible. But the offering isn't.
It is mentioned, it's just that it all has to be sent to the church in Jerusalem. You are doing that, right?
Gothic arches ought not to appear in the worship space. A flat roof at usual roof height should be installed throughout the church, and the upper floor thereby created with the unscriptural gothic points rented out.
The second floor area over the crossing can be retained as an appropriate Upper Room for celebrating the Eucharist; the relative smallness of the room will be adequate as only thirteen at a time should be attending.
Regardless of when or whether you switch them on or off, lights should not be mounted on the ceilings or walls. Join with other churches in your area if you need to in order to qualify for a volume discount on your order of lampstands.
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Truth
Posts: 9559 | From: starlight | Registered: Oct 2005
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Jengie jon
Semper Reformanda
# 273
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by MouseThief:
Sadly, the sermon is mentioned in the Bible. But the offering isn't.
But those churches that tithe are being biblical.
Jengie
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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge
Back to my blog
Posts: 20894 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001
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jedijudy
Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333
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Posted
I'm wondering if we shouldn't travel to the Jordan River to do baptism?
It does look like we can have pot-luck dinners and barbecues, however. That's a relief!
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Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.
Posts: 18017 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001
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The Rogue
Shipmate
# 2275
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Posted
As long as nobody brings quiche.
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If everyone starts thinking outside the box does outside the box come back inside?
Posts: 2507 | From: Toton | Registered: Feb 2002
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Pax Romana
Shipmate
# 4653
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Posted
Irish soda bread is okay, though, especially if it is made by a little Italian lady using a touch of anisette.
Pax Romana
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I used to wake up at 4 A.M. and start sneezing, sometimes for five hours. I tried to find out what sort of allergy I had but finally came to the conclusion that it must be an allergy to consciousness.
James Thurber
Posts: 4598 | From: New York City | Registered: Jun 2003
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Frustrated Farmer
Shipmate
# 10782
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Posted
I suppose the drums in the praise band would have to leave, along with the projector used to show the words to the hymns on the wall. ![[Disappointed]](graemlins/disappointed.gif) ![[Waterworks]](graemlins/bawling.gif)
Posts: 588 | From: Kansas, USA | Registered: Dec 2005
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Gamaliel
Shipmate
# 812
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Posted
Yes, let's get rid of those drums and the projectors and power-point ...
Let's get rid of everything that's been mentioned so far that doesn't appear in the NT.
And let's look at what we've got left ...
Aha, gossip, dissensions, people doing naughty things that even the unbelievers don't get up to, people preaching Christ for selfish gain, people being false ...
There's that and more. Yippee! We're being biblical. All these things are mentioned so we must be doing ok ...
Gamaliel
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Let us with a gladsome mind
Praise the Lord for He is kind.
http://philthebard.blogspot.com
Posts: 15997 | From: Cheshire, UK | Registered: Jul 2001
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Mamacita
Lakefront liberal
# 3659
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Anselm:
Mamacita asked quote:
Whatever happened
to "voices crying in the wilderness?"
which I feel may have some connection with footdoc's observation quote:
no - one, nowhere, in the Bible ever sang 'Shine Jesus Shine'.
ahh, but why do you think the voices were crying in the wilderness?
By the rivers of Babylon we sat and wept
when we remembered Zion...
for there our tormentors demanded songs of joy;
they said, "Sing us one of those good old praise songs!"
quote:
Originally posted by Esmeralda:
Switching on the lights on the Sabbath? That's extremely unbiblical. Everyone knows you get a shikse (Gentile woman) to do that for you.
Around here you can actually buy ovens equipped with a Sabbath mode so you don't technically "light a fire" on Sabbath.
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Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.
Posts: 20761 | From: where the purple line ends | Registered: Dec 2002
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churchgeek
Have candles, will pray
# 5557
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Posted
Well, this could shift the discussion a bit, but I don't recall anyone in the Bible insisting you couldn't do things that weren't in the Bible.
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I reserve the right to change my mind.
My article on the Virgin of Vladimir
Posts: 7773 | From: Detroit | Registered: Feb 2004
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jedijudy
Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333
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Posted
You're right! I don't think Jesus ever said we can't pet cats! Or warm pizza in a microwave! But then, he's a generous and thoughtful person.
It's just the current crop of anti-un-biblical folks that seem to be looking through the wrong end of the telescope! ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
So, I'm sure we messed up royally at our Seder meal this evening. Store bought horseradish, matzos and parsley. Passover recipes printed on the church copy machine. Dishes prepared in electric ovens. Candles lit with a Bic. Gentiles everywhere you looked.
It's enough to make the baby Jesus cry, isn't it?
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Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.
Posts: 18017 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001
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The5thMary
Shipmate
# 12953
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Posted
Well, my church meets in an Atlanta park. We also sit at picnic tables and sometimes...gasp...choke...sputter...sometimes we laugh during our service and most of us wear whatever we want!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, here comes the fire from the sky!
Oh, and most of us are Gay. Worse and worse and worse.
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God gave me my face but She let me pick my nose.
Posts: 3451 | From: Tacoma, WA USA | Registered: Aug 2007
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Sparrow
Shipmate
# 2458
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by infinite_monkey:
Jesus ate no donuts. Neither should we.
He didn't eat chocolate, either!
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For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life,nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Posts: 3149 | From: Bottom right hand corner of the UK | Registered: Mar 2002
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Random Cathoholic
Shipmate
# 13129
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sparrow:
He didn't eat chocolate, either!
Are you suggesting that we shouldn't eat chocolate? Now you're just being silly. I mean, the other posts on this thread have been reasoned and justified.
But giving up chocolate?
Posts: 598 | Registered: Nov 2007
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Campbellite
Ut unum sint
# 1202
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by jedijudy:
You're right! I don't think Jesus ever said we can't pet pizza! Or warm cats in a microwave!
I fixed your post, Judy.
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I upped mine. Up yours.
Suffering for Jesus since 1966.
WTFWED?
Posts: 12001 | From: between keyboard and chair | Registered: Aug 2001
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churchgeek
Have candles, will pray
# 5557
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Campbellite:
quote:
Originally posted by jedijudy:
You're right! I don't think Jesus ever said we can't pet pizza! Or warm cats in a microwave!
I fixed your post, Judy.
Well, he did say that food is for the stomach, which would probably mean you shouldn't be petting it, as he didn't say it's for the hands. As for microwaving cats, I think the most we can deduce is that our Heavenly Father would take notice, as he does whenever birds fall from their nests. Precisely what he would think of it, we aren't told.
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I reserve the right to change my mind.
My article on the Virgin of Vladimir
Posts: 7773 | From: Detroit | Registered: Feb 2004
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jedijudy
Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Campbellite:
quote:
Originally posted by jedijudy:
You're right! I don't think Jesus ever said we can't pet pizza! Or warm cats in a microwave!
I fixed your post, Judy.
Brother Campbellite, I don't believe that was scriptural, dear Sir! ![[Two face]](graemlins/scot_twoface.gif)
So, Sunday we will be singing the Hallelujah Chorus at the end of the service. Methinks that may possibly be allowed, as I'm quite sure the words are in the Bible somewhere. Not quite sure about the music, though! Or am I deluding myself? I'm very good at making excuses about things that I like doing. This is part of the slippery slope downwards, isn't it?
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Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.
Posts: 18017 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001
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Campbellite
Ut unum sint
# 1202
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Posted
Not scriptural? I thought that was the point of this tread.
As for the Hallelujah Chorus, I seem to recall that Ephesians speaks of hymns and psalms and spiritual songs. That should cover you, don't you think?
[ETA: You don't serve your cats cold I trust?]
[ 23. March 2008, 00:59: Message edited by: Campbellite ]
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I upped mine. Up yours.
Suffering for Jesus since 1966.
WTFWED?
Posts: 12001 | From: between keyboard and chair | Registered: Aug 2001
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Janine
The Endless Simmer
# 3337
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Posted
I will be sure to examine everyone's feet Sunday morning to detect whether or not they walked to worship. And I will generously allow someone else to experience the blessing of washing all those be-sandaled feet at the door.
I will also check out the parking lot for acceptable modes of transport.
Hmm... that would be, besides walking: horses, asses, chariots... ships... wings of eagles... whirlwinds...
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I'm a Fundagelical Evangimentalist. What are you?
Take Me Home * My Heart * An hour with Rich Mullins *
Posts: 13788 | From: Below the Bible Belt | Registered: Sep 2002
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jedijudy
Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Campbellite:
[ETA: You don't serve your cats cold I trust?]
No, I serve them first. ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif) Pesky, demanding creatures.
One of our ministries is to broadcast the 11:00 service to the shut-ins. Certainly that's not biblical, but WWJD? They would miss the Easter celebration if it weren't for the TV.
Now, how much of the service will be acceptable tomorrow? I don't remember reading about any Easter celebrations in the Bible...not that I have perfect recall, or anything like that! We'll have very few walking to church tomorrow. And Easter Lilies all over the place. And two crosses adorned with flowers. And a video clip during the early service.
Just goes to show how wicked some of us have become.
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Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.
Posts: 18017 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001
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Athrawes
Ship's parrot
# 9594
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Posted
Pillows! Definitely unscriptural. After all, our Lord said, 'Foxes have holes, and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.' Pillows have got to go.
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Explaining why is going to need a moment, since along the way we must take in the Ancient Greeks, the study of birds, witchcraft, 19thC Vaudeville and the history of baseball. Michael Quinion.
Posts: 2966 | From: somewhere with a book shop | Registered: Jun 2005
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