Thread: SoF Quotes File Board: The Circus / Ship of Fools.


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Posted by Coot (# 220) on :
 
We used to have one of these long ago run by... the poster who um, yes. Well it's better not to mention her.

Often when I see particularly funny/poignant/profound bits in posts, I cut and paste them into a file to use as possible .sigs (with acknowledgement, of course).

Therefore I thought I'd start this thread for contributions from around the board of worthy sayings. The quote that prompted this thread:

quote:

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jedijudy:
I don't need an AK47. I am a Mom, and I know how to give "the look".

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quote:

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Kenwritez:
Damn! My extra taco at lunch snatched the Unimix out of the mouths of some starving Sudanese. Bad me. Maybe I'll console myself with a handful of pretzels and kill off some Bangladeshis. If I'm really lucky, that pepperoni pizza for dinner can take down most of India.

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quote:

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jugular:
I like being fat. I am happy being fat. In fact, I feel called to fatness. Being a lardass has been a very important part of my faith journey. If I didn't cry at Little Athletics because I kept coming last, Mum would never have sent me to Sunday School. Because I'm fat people do not perceive me as threatening. Women can be open and honest without thinking I want to root them. When I laugh, my whole body has a good time.

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<small>[ 11. February 2013, 06:48: Message buggered about with by: Ariston ]</small>

[ 13. February 2013, 15:35: Message edited by: Ariston ]
 

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Posted by Coot (# 220) on :
 
[Rustle Rustle]

Does no-one grazing on the threads think, 'Oh! That is so cool! My Shipmates are so witty, clever, bizarre, intelligent (choose which applies). I'm going to preserve wot they said forever...'




Next up we have one of my favourite posters:


~~~ QUOTES FOR ALL SEASONS by duchess ~~~


Dude, you know exactly what I meant in my clear way of speaking.


Throw a shrimp on the barbie and burn it baby.


Magic 8 ball sez: Eye candy does not cut it, chicky.


I want to kick his a*& in Christian love.


Magic 8 Ball Sez: Spank.


I intend to try to keep the Dorian Grey thing going on until I snag me a nice young hot thang. [Ed. note: ]


Bite me. I say that dripping with Christian Charity.


Wow. Somebody's got crushy-poo.


I scare all the single men away in my church. ... If I looked more like Pamela Anderson, they might work through their fear.


I love him as my brother in Christ but I seriously long to kick his a**.


.....


Steel yourself friends, Magic 8 ball season is not far off:
"I am trying to hold off since not only is it time consuiming, but also I try to keep that spirit reeled in till holiday shopping time, when I can use it more freely."
 

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Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 
I love Kelly Alves' sig -- "People will not believe 'Jesus loves me, this I know' if they do not believe "Kelly loves me, this I know.'" I'm probably mangling it terribly, but I love it.


 

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Posted by dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Good to see this thread back again ( )

There are so many quotes and sig's worthy of mention. One sig that always used to make me smile, forgive me I forget which shipmate it is: 'I came, I saw, I made notes in the margin'.
 

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Posted by Eigon (# 4917) on :
 
Here are three quotations that I particularly like (I have others):

Sixteen hours of anti-Christian, anti-Semitic, proto-Nazi, racialist, nationalist, fatalist, elitist, neo-pagan, pompous, screaming, gibbering, incestuous, violent, glorious, wierdness; belted out in cod-medieval alliterative German by great singers, unfit for any other music, specially bred for the purpose by Knights Templar genetic engineers in secret underground fortresses....
That's ken describing the Ring Cycle

Welsh is the language that wants to be Gaelic when it grows up. It is also the only language where "sheep farmer" and "pimp" are the same word. The only thing the Welsh have got right is their way of dealing with English holiday homes.
From Lurker (a Scot)

This is my blood of the new covenant, shed for you and for many, so that you can fart about doing whatever you like and ignore what I've been banging on about for the last three years, but that's alright, really, no, that's fine. Don't mind me.
From Dyfrig
 

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Posted by Grits (# 4169) on :
 
Nothing makes me laugh harder, think longer, study more nor entertain me like the Ship. Alas, my "Ship" file is only filled with real names, addresses, phone numbers, recipes, song links, etc. No quotes.

I feel so ashamed. Coot, from this day forward, when I read a brilliantly executed, far-fetched or nonsensical comment from a Shipmate, it's going to be copied and saved and shared.
 

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Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :
 
This is too long to copy out, but I have just voted this as my all-time best post on the ship.

This is how to answer the brainless morons like Priest, who Smudgie was responding to, with a well argued case, rather than just rudeness.
 

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Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
Oh dear, we both came back with the same grocery shopping! (Goodric)

' ' (Pants)

Both quotes from the 'random' thread, but not consecutive.
 

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Posted by Coot (# 220) on :
 
Ah, Eigon, yes, I have that one of ken's too. lol (Though I have 'giant' where you have 'great').


~~~And now some put downs~~~
(The understated favoured over the frontal assault)

quote:

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babybear on being on-topic in answer to someone in Hell:

We have asked the question. We have answered the question. The answer is that you are talking a load of bollox.

best wishes and big hugs,

bb

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"Do be a good little weenie and stick with the program." Erin


"Oh boo-fucking-hoo, (Name Removed). Cry me a river." paigeb.


"Thank you for sharing. Now, who are you again?" Erin.


"...feel free to address your concerns to your waste paper bin. It'll care more than me." Sarkycow.


"dozy airheaded meringue-wearing slappers" Norman the Organ, Defn. of a Bride.


"All the warmth and emotion of a moribund trout trapped in a sandbag." Diapason.


"Trust me, dear heart, homosexuality is not the doctrine of the incarnation and Lambeth 98 was not Nicea." Professor Yaffle, now Callan.


"Sometimes, there is a groundswell of consensus that someone's posts are pure and unadulterated crap, in content, presentation or both, and that it's time they knew it." Cranmer’s Baggage.


"I am impressed that I have managed to post "so many liturgical solecisms in one post". I reward myself with a gold star." daisymay

.


And my newest addition:

"Word has it that many Pagan priestesses also breathed as part of their rituals, and so I'm sure you will endeavor to stop doing so at your next service.)"
Mertseger, for those such as priest concerned with the adoption of pagan rituals into xtian ones.


[My quotes file is not systematic nor regular, so if you've said cool and/or witty and/or outrageous things which are absent from it, that isn't a reflection of their quality or my appraisal of it - just that I either didn't see 'em or wasn't very motivated about cutting and pasting at the time! I love youse all. ]
 

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Posted by dolphy (# 862) on :
 
And one from the wonderful bunny with an axe, Ms Kelly Alves (recently seen in hell):

'Dirty fighting. Either slap me or don't but don't tell me it's a tickle'.
 

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Posted by Flausa (# 3466) on :
 
Also posted recently in Hell by our favourite Gator:

"Great googly moogly, you are crazier than a shithouse rat."

You've gotta respect someone who can use "great googly moogly" in an insult.

[ 30. September 2004, 12:57: Message edited by: Flausa ]
 

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Posted by Grits (# 4169) on :
 
I went back, Coot, just for you, and found this one that I remember brought me great joy:

Fame--Grrrrrr
I wanna live forever...

by Beli on the hilarious "Fame... Grrrr" thread.
 

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Posted by ChristinaMarie (# 1013) on :
 
Alan Creswell responding to a post by Flausa who had descibed how some of Benny Hinn's followers had screamed at her to rid her of demons because she had a headache. (On the TV Evangelists thread)

quote:

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Praying for the Holy Spirit to heal a headache is an easy mistake to make. It's a simple confusion between paracetamol and paraclete.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Ilkku:
my sig was from Mousetheif orginally -and it - fitted the situation perfectly
--------------------
Oh, and PS: It shouldn't be hard to spell my name right. It's on everything I post. (Mousethief)

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And there are sooo damn many of those that nobody should ever get it wrong!

Gremlin
 

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Posted by kiwigoldfish (# 5512) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Ilkku:
my sig was from Mousetheif orginally -and it - fitted the situation perfectly

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I hope that was intentional...


 

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Posted by Flausa (# 3466) on :
 
Hey, as long as it's spelled right in the sig, that's all that matters isn't it?

[ 03. October 2004, 20:24: Message edited by: Flausa ]
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
In Purgatory:
Father Gregory posted this on the "How have Liberals contributed to Christianity?"--

quote:

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Liberals(I have usually found ... assuming I could recognise one if I saw one) are people ... and being people, they generally have something good to contribute.

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quote:

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Evangelicals (I have usually found ... assuming I could recognise one if I saw one) are people ... and being people, they generally have something good to contribute.

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quote:

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Originally posted by kiwigoldfish:

quote:

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Originally posted by Ilkku:
my sig was from Mousetheif orginally -and it - fitted the situation perfectly

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I hope that was intentional...

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quote:

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Please don't put words in my mouth; it's crowded enough as it is.

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quote:

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And I already have to get up at 6.15 if I'm cycling to work - there is no way on earth I'm going to get up an hour earlier so I can drink a glass of warm water with lemon juice (goes straight to the bowels, apparently - not sure what it does there) and do an exercise to find my emotional core before breakfast. I don't have an emotional core at 5.30 am.

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Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
Coot, I just saw this. I am so touched, you are so sweet to think me so clever.

I really need to do another MG8Ball thread.
 

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Posted by dolphy (# 862) on :
 
From Flausa being random:
Men. Can't live with 'em. Can't let 'em decompose underneath your bed.


 

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Posted by Trini (# 7921) on :
 
Sorry I don't remember who said this. (It may have been Ronist or one of the Shipmates with the same avatar as Ronist.)

quote:

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The US is not, of course, a colony. You were convicted of throwing tea into water that was not at a full boil and were therefore scrubbed from the membership list.

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Some revisionist history there.
 

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Posted by Ann (# 94) on :
 
Part of Furry Gherkin's sig at the moment

"I Think...Therefore I can't Thwim..."

[Furry Gherkin might not have put an apostrophe in ...]

[ 07. October 2004, 20:56: Message edited by: Ann ]
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
From jlg:

quote:

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(For most of my life, one of the things I couldn't accept about Christianity was this "we are all sinners" bit. Until I realized it just was a different way of saying we all want to be perfect, and we are all imperfect, and we all hate ourselves for that.)

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quote:

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Some of us get the burning bush. Some of us a smoldering ashtray.

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quote:

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Cotton ain't the greatest thing to shove up your wazoo, but at least it breathes

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quote:

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Originally posted by IntellectbyProxy:

quote:

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Originally posted by Pyx_e:
I think IbP is being drawn to the dark side of the force.

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Better the dark side of the force than the dork side of the farce.

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quote:

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A man stands on a mountain on a planet orbiting a medium star. The Star orbits the center of a galaxey. The galaxey is one of many. And the man proclams himself greater than God

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quote:

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It is not the number of people at a funeral but the number of tears.

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quote:

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F**k me running.

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[Edited for Hellishness]
 

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Posted by KenWritez (# 3238) on :
 
The day of my funeral, Kelly's going to come forward and place a single rose on my casket. Someone will ask what I meant to her, and she'll answer, "He taught me 'f*ck me running.'"

It's legacies like this that are truly priceless.
 

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Posted by Wesley J (# 6075) on :
 
From the thread, "Dammit Jim, this is an office, not a bordello!".

Kepler's Puppet on the overuse of perfume or scent, in an answer to Zwingli:

quote:

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I've walked past guys and could almost see the mosquitos dropping from the sky in their wake . Ditto for women.

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quote:

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Your problem is you have delusions of adequacy.

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quote:

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Mousethief, you apparently met one of the top ten contenders for the title of Thickest Racist of the Year. I wouldn't worry about him pouring petrol through your letter box. He'll probably pour it into his A:drive and try to email it to you.

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quote:

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I've thought about it. I know what I am talking about. I am aware of the literature. I completely understand what you are saying. My opinion is different.I'll credit you with the intelligence to work out what that means for yourself.

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quote:

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Oh, hoo-freaking-ray. I have the gift of celibacy.

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quote:

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... Thompson: But you come from a cathedral background yourself. Does that mean your instincts aren't theatrical?

Bicket: I was at Westminster Abbey for four years and let me tell you -- the processions! The big occasions! It was pure theater. And frankly, in terms of divadom, working for the clergy of the Church of England at the highest level prepares you for anything you might meet on the operatic stage. And you can quote me on that.

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Rossweisse // trusting that if this is in the wrong place, some kindly host will transfer it
 

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Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :
 
~~The Deep and The Controversial~~

"The great aunt Maud of Bishop Upright who ordained me was a lesbian. Oh my God ... where's the mitzvah bath?! The opportunities for evangelical Soundness Inquisition now know no bounds."
(Fr Gregory, response to Sydney commentary on the contaminated hands of ordinaries)


"As for an openly gay bishop -- all our bishops are celibate. Whether they aren't having sex with men or aren't having sex with women is totally irrelevant. I can't imagine why anyone would care."
josephine


"Are all gardens clearly heterosexual procreative environments? If I found heterosexuals procreating in my garden, I'd be mighty upset (especially if they smashed the basil)."
Mousethief


"... perhaps I unknowingly do harm by accepting homosexuality as a natural variation on human sexuality. But I cannot see how it is better to choose to do demonstrable harm over a possible, mysterious, esoteric harm not apparent to me."
Belle


"In my experience every one who loves the Church is also betrayed by the Church. For to love it is to also desire its heavenly reality to be incarnated NOW and all we get is an earthly monstrosity."
Jengie


"We are all (actually the whole world is) the incarnation of God and we will all die and we will all be resurrected. (I'm sure this belief is some formal heresy and would be glad to have it identified!"
I forgot to write down who wrote this one - anyone know? jlg possibly, it sounds like her


"The church is a whore but she is our mother, and we love her...."
Multipara
 

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Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :
 
~ Blind Things ~ (traditional)

"Even a blind chicken can peck a grain of corn every now and again."
Sine


"Every once in a while, even a blind squirrel gets a shiny brass doorknob."
Mad Geo


"Even a blind pig gets an acorn now and then."
Moo


~~ They said it! Religious flavour. ~~

"I don't flirt. It breaks the flow of the liturgy."
Anselmina


"It is unseemly to bear at the mass symbols of our temporal bondage once we have crossed the threshold to that place without time."
The Dumb Acolyte, on wearing watches while celebrating the Mass.


"How is that made up? 5 minutes taking it up? 5 minutes glorying in it? 5 minutes preaching it? 5 minutes marching as it goes on before? 10 minutes clinging?"
Firenze, regarding the 'cross trainer'.


"I ain't had it in years and years, am I not holy?"
Jerry Boam


"I do love the risen Lord but after attending a recent happy clappy service I almost felt as if I'd been assaulted by him!!!"
Dorothea


"If the idea of a few subversive women offering up raisin cakes to God gets your knickers in that much of a twist then you should go and lie down."
Louise
 

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Posted by Gremlin (# 129) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Balaam:
Marriage - when salad starts filling the space in the fridge reserved for beer.

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quote:

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Perhaps I should change my sig line to "I reserve the right to wilfully misconstrue your posts for my own amusement."

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quote:

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I work in one of those overstuffed vaginas!

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quote:

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Holy Cow, a feminist call to arms? And nobody nudged me awake?

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quote:

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Originally posted by josephine:
... between what should be and what is there is a gap wide enough to parallel park an aircraft carrier.

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quote:

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You are wronger than a wrong thing that is mistaken.

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quote:

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References to coffins and dead mothers bring down the mood of a wedding.

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quote:

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...it is painful for me to read you butchering the principles with the tarnished butter knife you call an intellect.

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quote:

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Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.
--Gandhi

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Posted by Frederick Buechner's Lovechild (# 4058) on :
 
First post in a long time, guys (not that I was ever prolific!). Reading your lines made me smile.

I offer one from a guy I used to work with:

"I only swear when I'm angry. But I'm angry all the time".
 

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Posted by Kepler's Puppet (# 4011) on :
 
"See those two holes at the sides? Your arms go in there. Then you've gotta decide where to put your head."-- Amos
 

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Posted by Flausa (# 3466) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Ariel:

Work was invented by the Devil to eat your life, sap your will and energy, and stop you doing the things you really want to do.

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quote:

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"I have no desire to be a bishop - I would rather go to heaven"

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quote:

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Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
You don't get over 9800 posts if you care if other people are paying attention.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Spiffy da Wonder Sheep:
Snow is bad. Snow is evil. I believe that the Devil redecorated after reading Dante's 'Inferno'.

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quote:

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It's all praise and worship till somebody's baby loses an eye.

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quote:

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"It's like the donated Plasma of Christ rather than His Shed Blood."

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quote:

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Originally posted by Barnabas62:
My silly answer is that, at this stage of my life, I am an increasingly round couch potato who gets his jollies by considering deep and daft questions on this Board. I really must get out more.

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Shouldn't we all!
 

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Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
From the Coot:

(see signature below)

Just .
 

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Posted by Barnabas62 (# 9110) on :
 
LC - Its brilliant isn't it! I'm so glad you made it your signature. I'm trying to work out how to get it into a sermon I'm preparing ...
 

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Posted by Sinisterial (# 5834) on :
 
In the silly things I just found out thread in heaven babybear wrote:

quote:

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We were reclined against our pillows during those events. However, Gremlin would like me to inform you that he did experience difficulties in performing as well as he might like. He recommends a more upright position.

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quote:

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Originally posted by kiwigoldfish:
Hallelujah! I've made it™!

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quote:

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Originally posted by Koovie:

quote:

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"It's like the donated Plasma of Christ rather than His Shed Blood."

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- Elizabeth Anne on White Wine at the Eucharist

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quote:

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every point a bona fide heresy

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quote:

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Oh, ick. I think I just threw up into my mouth.

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quote:

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We seem to have a constant-volume system here with respect to trolls. One leaves, and new one appears.

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quote:

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Nature does abhor a vacuum.

So does my cat, now that I think about it...

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Heh. I was gonna post that, too, but didn't want to double post.
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
Posted by Chukhovsky:

I vastly prefer to think the worst of people. It's so much more satisfying.

Very sigworthy - aren't I generous passing it on for someone else to use
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
From the tag of a tea-bag (keep your anti-tea-bag comments to yourself,please:)

quote:

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Books have the same ememies as people; fire, humidity, animals, weather, and their own content.


--Paul Valery.

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quote:

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Why do we always come here?/I guess we'll never know.
It's like a kind of torture/to have to watch the show.
Statler & Waldorf of The Muppet Show

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quote:

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Dang. Now I'm hungry.

Mmmm... babies.

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quote:

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originally posted by Kelly Alves:
God loves to fuck with people's egos.

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quote:

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A small member is God's way of telling you that you are one of His lambs, not one of His rams.

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quote:

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Originally posted by mdijon:
Welcome to the underwhelming.

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quote:

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Originally posted by scoticanus:
Blessed are the respectable, because theirs is the fun of kicking all the rest.

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quote:

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(At times) This baby lists to port so far you could fish with a dip net.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
"Do waht I telepathically tell you to do, not what I say."

--Director, over headset on TV production I was working on today.

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Ah...comms chatter - a potential source of great entertainment for those who work in the broadcast industry!

A director I often work with likes to say
"mention my name and you'll get a good seat"
when someone in the crew has to excuse themselves, perhaps with the remark "I'm just going to put a deposit on some porcelain".
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Oh the fun we had today, riffing on on the General Manager, who kept the staff, the talent, and the volunteers waiting a half hour after we were supposed to wrap, just because he decided five minutes before the end of the show that he wanted to be a camera-whore.

Quote of the day, by moi:

"God,that guy is slick. I don't know if I can contain myself, I might just leap right over the camera and have him."

The boys in the control room loved that.
 

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Posted by Pânts (# 999) on :
 
I just posted here... where did it go??
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
That would make a good quote in itself, Pants!
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
I just thought this was funny.

From Corpus cani, after getting fact-checked:

quote:

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You checked?

You CHECKED?

Well! I proffer my words of wisdom and you "check" them? I'm mortified.

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quote:

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In a very Christian way, as far as I’m concerned, he can go to hell.
President Jimmy Carter on Rev. Jerry Falwell.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
This just in:Spiffy's sig

quote:

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In a very Christian way, as far as I’m concerned, he can go to hell.
President Jimmy Carter on Rev. Jerry Falwell.

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Carter said that? He really said that?

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Apparently.
 

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Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Life is to short to argue with the people whose funerals we will eventally have to attend.

Jeremiah Gutzywuk in Hell
 

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Posted by Joyfulsoul (# 4652) on :
 
"All I can conclude from that is that Jesus was obviously a woman, given that she was a conspicious failure as a carpenter and spent a lot of time befriending the lonely and the disheartened."


Demas, on the thread Bradford Abundant Life Church


 

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Posted by Barnabas62 (# 9110) on :
 
This from RooK on the "Calling Dave Marshall" Hell thread deserves to be turned into a church banner

quote:

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Nonsense. My favourite people are mean-spirited and reasonable - me, for instance.

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quote:

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Hey, when you're generally inept, it's tough to pick up on subtle cues. I should know.

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quote:

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Originally posted by CrookedCucumber:
I guess doing Christianity on your own is a bit like doing karate on your own -- you can go through the motions, but it's no fun if there's no-one to beat up

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Nice
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Firenze:
Accept your family as they are, not as you would like them to be. Then ignore them.

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quote:

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The majority of the natives of this Tartarian region are in full keeping with the scenery—savages, without the grace of savages, coarsely clad in filthy garments, with no change on week-days and Sundays, they converse in a language belarded with fearful and disgusting oaths, which can scarcely be recognized as the same as that of civilized England.

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quote:

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Originally posted by quantpole:
I doubt very much that up until 100 years ago the church was the epitome of inclusivity.

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From the "girlie" thread in Purgatory, a masterly understatement.
 

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Posted by quantpole (# 8401) on :
 
And thankyou for correcting my spelling before quoting me.

(Epitome not epitomy. Not being a student any more means I've been missing Countdown too much)
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
From Birdseye:

"God is not an answer.
God is a question."
 

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Posted by Barnabas62 (# 9110) on :
 
Originally posted by Tubifex Maximus in a current, and deeply "sad", Styx thread:

I used to know a Methodist Minister who actually had deliverance ministry to drive out his sense of humour

Thanks TM! Sometimes I reckon a certain amount of "driving in" a sense of humour is a good thing to have ministry for.
 

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Posted by Tubifex Maximus (# 4874) on :
 
I'd like to thank Barnabas62 for his nomination; I have occasional moments of lucidity. I now need deliverance ministry for my vanity...
 

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Posted by basso (# 4228) on :
 
In the recipe thread:

Mamacita: But what's a "knob of butter?"
ken: Less than you want but more than you ought to.

Which is pratically unarguable.
 

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Posted by fnk (# 10377) on :
 
There was a quote I read somewhere on the ship that I can't find any more. Can anyone enlighten me?

I think it was someone's sig and it went something along the lines of: " Touch the wounds in my hand, stick your hand into my side, if someone said that to you at a party you would slowly back away"
 

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Posted by Hazey Jane (# 8754) on :
 
I think it may have been The Coot, but I'm probably wrong.
 

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Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :
 
Ooer. Gang shuo Caocao, Caocao jiu dao! Speak of the devil and he appears.

Yes, lol, something like that, Lambchopped had it as her .sig.
 

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Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
-True moral deliberation is a lot more complicated than lists of platitudinous prohibitions. -Lutheranchik (on Are sins redundant? - Purg thread)

[I felt like I was reading myself there for a split second...cool jive-type-groovy-rhyme with smooth delievery yet pithy sharp bite..you go girl]

[ 20. January 2006, 21:19: Message edited by: duchess ]
 

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Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
From Sine on the Insults thread in Hell:

quote:

---

The best insults aren't 'fucktard' or 'wanker' but merely the truth another prefers not to acknowledge.

---

 

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Posted by Always Waiting (# 10141) on :
 
I saw this as a sig when I was lurking. I sniggered for a couple of weeks, then joined the Ship:

"You people wouldn't know a saint if he pissed in your cheerios."
- Gort -

...and yep, after testing, that still makes me snigger.
 

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Posted by Gort (# 6855) on :
 

 

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Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Timothy the Obscure in Purg:

quote:

---

Maybe we should just stop trying to eff the ineffable.

---

 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
I liked that one, too.
 

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Posted by Hazey Jane (# 8754) on :
 
From this thread...

Sayeth Pottage:

quote:

---

It's absolutely true that wherever two or three of Wesley's people are gathered together, one of them will have brought a quiche.

---

quote:

---

Grand social narrative is why God created blogs. And my potatoes are burning!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Spiffy da Wonder Sheep:

quote:

---

Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever, but get over it.

---

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Bede's American Successor:
Of course, God does buy us flowers and a bottle of wine time and time again to convince us of Love's existence.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Spiffy da Wonder Sheep:
The position of Savior of the World is already taken (but they're keeping my resume on file for any other positions that might come up)

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by RooK:

quote:

---

Originally posted by OliviaG:
Sorry, I didn't realize this was a bad thing to do.

---

It's not a bad thing at all. I'm just an asshole.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gort:
There's always rules, whether you're shooting fish in a barrel or dropping grenades in a lake.

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quote:

---

originally posted by Corpus Cani:
Personally, I'm finding it difficult to believe that God will provide a personal vibrating massage wand with solar powered batteries.

Even for Mousethief.

---

(eta: I'm a nitwit who can't do UBB. mea culpa)

[ 20. February 2006, 06:11: Message edited by: cometchaser ]
 

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Posted by cometchaser (# 10353) on :
 
my God we're a brilliant bunch of funny people on this ship!

quote:

---

originally posted by KenWritez:
I inspire raging hormones like Genghis Khan riding little red blood cells across the steppes of your hippocampus.

---

this is what writers do with ego trips. I love it!

Comet
 

---

Posted by Joyfulsoul (# 4652) on :
 
This was absolutely hilarious (from purg):

quote:

---

from the estimable wit of IngoB:
cease and desist, or Satan will bite you in the butt. I swear.

---

 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Another Spiffleism:

quote:

---

Well, I'll be there (Baruch HaShem and the crick don't rise).

---

quote:

---

... And stop signing all your email "Love" -- it's creepy and it makes me hate you. ~RuthW

---

quote:

---

BTW, I do a pulled pork BBQ so good it'll make a bishop kick a hole in a stained glass window.

---

quote:

---

My guardian angels must hate their jobs sometimes.

---

quote:

---

Oh, I know all right. It's when you eschew the participal for the rhetorical flick-of-the knife that is the gerund that you feel, deep down, that you have arrived, grammatically.

---

quote:

---

There's a cloud outside. I hate that.

At least there's always a rainbow within.

---

quote:

---

[He] made the Baby Jesus cry, and it woke me up, so I was pissed off.

---

quote:

---

You lot have all the self control of a lonely dog with peanut butter on its penis.

---

 

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Posted by KenWritez (# 3238) on :
 
Pyx_e: "The cross will bite them all on the ass at some point."

If ever I move to England, I want him as pastor.
 

---

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
People with interregnums (cough, cough) please note - if you invite Pyx_e to be your new vicar you might end up being saddled with Kenwritez as well.....
 

---

Posted by KenWritez (# 3238) on :
 
(Luckily, I'm the same IRL as I am on the board.)For those clergy trying to increase membership, I can walk into the church and instantly double the size of the congregation.
 

---

Posted by Newman's Own (# 420) on :
 
Reading this thread made me sorry that I never maintained a quotes file of my own - I've often laughed aloud at many Ship discussions.

This quote is "ancient" but so hilarious that I've never forgotten. It was on a thread in Mystery Worship about vestments, where someone asked the use for a maniple.

Joan the Dwarf replied that it was "to flick the crumbs away while saying, 'if Jesus can get in, then he can get out.'"

I also well recall dyfrig's telling a heated Ship mate "I think Erin is an insane bitch, but I shall happily watch while she eats you."
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Oh, an Erinism from years past, aimed at Intellect By Proxy, if I remember correctly:

"I can't do it. I can't flame a guy who publically admits he's got a tiny talliwhacker."
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by vascopyjama:
Well that's me in a nutshell. (I wonder if Julian of Norwich ever said that??)

---

quote:

---

Quod scripsi scripsi , or, since i am a fuckwit, quod fuxi fuxi

---

 

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Posted by Newman's Own (# 420) on :
 
IngoB on a current Hell thread:

Andreas, my link wasn't about giving you an opportunity to strut your philosophical and intellectual credentials. It was about demonstrating to you the sort of suffering you inflict on others. If you enjoyed that text, it has mainfestly failed its purpose.
 

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Posted by cometchaser (# 10353) on :
 
From RooK, apon closing the TICTH thread. ( )

Thread closed. Please don't start another one of these for a little while, lest I feel compelled to hunt you down and force feed you live porcupines through your eyeballs

kinda makes you think twice before arguing.
 

---

Posted by Newman's Own (# 420) on :
 
Firenze, replying to a post (Teenage Embarrassment, Heaven) about Duck's mother placing a condom on a bicycle pump:

quote:

---

How can I break it to you? This doesn't stop babies.

Unless, of course, it is some sort of primitive marital aid. When I were a lad, we didn't have no Ann Summers shops doing they crotchless panties and vibrating thingies. We 'ad to make do with a pound of tripe and a bicycle pump.

---

I must say, reading through this thread (and so wishing I'd kept a file!), of those immortalised here the absolute best has to be Duo Seraphim's retort about how Martin's posts shall be revealed as a code regarding a secret of Fatima. But I also shall remember 'quod fuxi, fuxi' till my dying day.

 

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Posted by Triple Tiara (# 9556) on :
 
I look forward to the publication of your book of quotable quotes, with suitable attribution of course!
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Ok, not a ship quote, but excellent sig potential:

quote:

---

I'm going to Hell because I'm a fuck up.

---

quote:

---

It's not easy being Irish, Elizabeth. I'm afraid I'm going to go to hell, and I don't even believe in God.

---

quote:

---

"Fer crying out loud! Jesus, I can tell you're an only child, you're always bothering me until you get your own way!"

---

quote:

---

US politics is a vile, nasty contest between two groups of wealthy, over-privileged people about whether the rest of us will be ground to a pulp beneath a jackboot or a hiking boot.

---

quote:

---

English is like Jazz. You don't have to know all the details of the Correct Classical Way to improvise a really good riff.

---

quote:

---

Did Jesus say anything about handling willies anywhere though? Apart from loving your neighbour as you love yourself, of course.

---

quote:

---

But parking a bicycle in on the floor a Ferari dealership would hardly make the bicycle a Ferari, now would it?

Didn't think so.

---

quote:

---

DORK in a rose unitard

---

quote:

---

In Jesus's eyes we are all Gina Lolabrigida.

---

quote:

---

Boy, does the baby Jesus Cry. And his daddy-o. And Spook.

---

quote:

---

Of course, some broken people prefer not to shout "I'm broken" in front of other people they don't know well, who may appear to resemble rather closely the people who broke them in the first place.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
I'll probably spend a substantial amount of time in Purgatory for finding this funny, but here you go, from Zappa:

quote:

---

Boy, does the baby Jesus Cry. And his daddy-o. And Spook.

---

---

quote:

---

Do you actually read for comprehension or does the little god in your head just make up the answers for you?

---

 

---

Posted by Catrine (# 9811) on :
 
I like this one from AF Steve (Heaven; whoever thought of that?)

Mushrooms. "Hey ma, there's some strange things growing on this turd over here. What should I do?" "Why Jr, Just pluck them and I'll add them to my beef roast!"
 

---

Posted by 103 (One-O-Three) (# 5846) on :
 
The sacred feminine (Moo)
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
That would be Famous Last Posts, darlin'.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
This is as nice a synopsis of the human condition as I'v eseen in a long time-- from Lyda Rose--

quote:

---

I think various things happen to people who were scapegoats or scapegoaters in childhood. Some get the "I'm a goat" sign stuck on their back, and unhappily figure that that's life, while some scapegoaters figure putting people down in a great life strategy and live boring, rotten little lives. Others grow up to stick a sign on the front of their shirts that says, "I'm a goat. Fuck you boring sheep." Some of the scapegoaters grow up to think, "Hell. I can't believe I wasted my time on the sheep." I tend to look for people of these two positions now that I've socialized myself out of being goat or scapegoater. And as many of us have, I've been both to a certain degree.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pyx_e:(in reference to the implications of a Chocolate Crucifix)
If it were made out of Fruit & Nut chocolate it would be a perfect representation of the Body of Christ.

P

---

quote:

---

Oh please. Max./103/Henrietta so squats when she pees.

---

quote:

---

Right through history, there are many women who have been real human beings.

---

quote:

---

Even when I'm warning people that I'm talking rubbish, I'm talking rubbish.

---

quote:

---

Leetle M.
Whose spiritual father of eternal memory said once, "We don't need no steenkin' High Church...we are all High Church and when we get to heaven, we shall be Higher Still."

---

quote:

---

Presleyterian:
Getting a bauble is nice. Knowing one can get get oneself whatever baubles one wants is much, much nicer.

---

 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
I swear to God, one of these days there's going to be a "365 Days of Spiffy" calendar, because the girl posts so many brilliant quotable quotes. Today's beauty is:

quote:

---

Hippie, for those who have never encountered the scent, smells like sandalwood and ass.

---

quote:

---

Because if someone professes to believe in the incarnation, crucifixion, and resurrection of Jesus Christ, you pretty much ought to accept them as brothers and sisters in Christ and leave the actual act of discerning and judging their faith to God.

---

quote:

---

In terms that such persons might understand: you are afflicted by a spirit of stupidity and a spirit of cruelty. Go look in the mirror and rebuke what you see.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Callan:
The Prayer Book. Keeping Nyarlathotep at bay since 1662.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by tomb:
Yeah, I used to send PMs to SoF assholes threatening to ban them and signed the messages, "In Christ's Love."

I once had a charismatic curate write me a "letter of rebuke" (as he termed it) that ended with the valediction "under the Blood."

Meditation on that phrase raised New Possibilities of Creative Expression for me. If I ever show up on CNN because of an axe murder, it will be because of the clergy.

---

quote:

---

Just 'cause you don't got a set of balls to sit on don't mean that the rest of us are passive-aggressive wusses whose spines, in a medical engineering feat, have been replaced with boiled spaghetti noodles, and whose brains have been replaced with a voice recorder that spouts useless platitudes and misogynistic opinions whenever your knee jerks.

---

 

---

Posted by Papa Smurf (# 1654) on :
 
Corpus Cani, in that thread about finding the love of your life:

quote:

---

It's better to have loved and lost than not have loved at all, but it's a damned sight worse to have loved and lost and know that it's your own dumb-ass fault that you've thrown away a most precious gift.

---

 

---

Posted by Niënna (# 4652) on :
 
This was a lovely gem from Barnabus:

quote:

---

I'm well up for God speaking through people outside the church. The biblical limit appears to be Balaam's ass. That should give all of us pause for thought.

---

quote:

---

You know, I finally figured it out!

A summary of this thread:

Craigb: yo' momma!
J: You're a dick.
Craigb: I didn't mean yo' momma, I meant yo'momma.
Everyone: That's the same thing!
Craigb: It is not! God told me so! And he said yo'momma!
Everyone: You're a idiot.
Craigb: But God Said!
Everyone: What to the power of ever.

---

That last line was class
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Yeah, I think I might find myself throwing "what to the power of ever" into my regular conversations from now on.
 

---

Posted by basso (# 4228) on :
 
Louise, commenting on craigb's ministry:

quote:

---

it's like finding a coelacanth in the garden pond

---

quote:

---

Are people selfish to have kids if they know they stand a 50% chance of becoming a statistic?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Papa Smurf:
Corpus Cani, in that thread about finding the love of your life:

quote:

---

It's better to have loved and lost than not have loved at all, but it's a damned sight worse to have loved and lost and know that it's your own dumb-ass fault that you've thrown away a most precious gift.

---

---

Ooh! Just noticed this!

Thanks Pop. I'm in the Quotes File!

The quote is tragically true to this day, but I live in hope that she might return from whichever end of the earth she sought to escape me. She married a sheep farmer.

Corpus.
(I blame Spiffy. For everything. Ever.)
 

---

Posted by Hazey*Jane (# 8754) on :
 
Karl LB on the advantages of life in the UK

quote:

---

One of the things I love about this country is that neither the wildlife nor the weather tends towards the homicidal.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Corpus cani:

(I blame Spiffy. For everything. Ever.)

---

quote:

---

last time I tried to hear Jerry Falwell speak, I could swear I felt Christ's fingers in my ears and heard him going "lalalalalalalalala"

---

she's fun!

Comet
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
WIthno disresect to Neil, I just thought this was a really funny post:

(From Karl: Liberal Backslider

quote:

---

Neil, for goodness sake. I've got AS and I could see that that post wasn't literal, except of course that it was.

---

quote:

---

Sorry, Marton, the position of ADD Poster Child has already been --- OOH! SHINY!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Spiffy da WonderSheep:
Honey, I'm a free-agent bitch, thank you very much.

---

quote:

---

There are those who would agree with you. Most of them are getting help in psychiatric hospitals.

---

quote:

---

In the name of all that is holy, I disown you and all your pathetic opinions.

---

quote:

---

Fifteen pounds of fur and claws would take their exception to my presumption out on the more tender bits of my anatomy.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
She thinks she's so damn smart.

---

It's this thread, it inflates my ego.
 

---

Posted by kentishmaid (# 4767) on :
 
I know this is ludicrously vain, but I'm inordinately proud of this one. When I was sending those first, tentative, flirtatious emails to my now husband, I excused myself by explaining that I was 'merely a Freudian slip of a girl'.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Check the fist page or so of the thread, kentishmaid, I quoted myself about four or five times. Becuse the people around here just don't appreciate Real Brillince.

Speaking of which-- this gem by Kenwritez needs to be worked into the Ship mission statement somewhere...

quote:

---

Most times I'm full up to here (gestures) with all the round-robin bullshit bickering I see on the Ship. The same arguments. The same invincible ignorance. More of the same assholes, just with different names. Like trying to corral a roomful of methamphetamine addicts with rage control issues. How Erin and the admins have survived this long without climbing a tower and shooting people is a miracle, a testimony to God's grace, strict gun laws, and the power of self-medication.

---

quote:

---

---

quote:

---

---

(Giving his reluctant blessing to the dating thread.)

[ 25. May 2006, 04:21: Message edited by: infinite_monkey ]
 

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Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :
 
I used 'What to the power of ever' to Hugal last night and he likes it. I did, of course, remember to attribute it to the Spiffmeister.

(I was watching Queer Eye at the time, and just thought it was a very Carsonesque phrase.)
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
I really like IngoB's current tag line:

quote:

---

Before you explain your new theological idea, let me tell you three things about it: One. It was already propounded by a fifth-century Syrian monk. Two. He expressed himself better than you will. Three. He was wrong. - Jaroslav Pelikan

---

quote:

---

I appreciate that you gave birth to me; any reason you didn't give me up for adoption?

---

quote:

---

...is there some archive of queeny melodrama to which your post could be consigned in perpetuity? Comparing a tiff on an internet discussion board to our Lord's Passion is just a teensy bit OTT, don't you think?

---

quote:

---

Hark! The mating cry of the windbag.

---

quote:

---

the Ship's Offenderati

---

quote:

---

Hell simply gives some of us a place to go.

---

quote:

---

Honestly what bugs me most is if I stub my toe and say "shit!" and then get told not to use my Lord's name in vain. Now of all things I am sure of, shit is not the name of my God.

---

quote:

---

...and not just Roman Catholicism, of course, but any variant of Orthodoxy, Protestantism or Whatsatubthumpianism that teaches such a view.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Erin
For I am the kindest, most generous power-that-be ever.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Posy:
Isn't it on a par with a social smoker supporting a smoking ban? Although they enjoy the occasional fag, they are always planning to give up, and think that the ban will help them.

---

 

---

Posted by icklejen (# 713) on :
 
in f1 thread in circus, fnk said "i don't think God wants Kimi to be world champion"


sad, but true. what a summary!
 

---

Posted by Triple Tiara (# 9556) on :
 
Oh my! Another Rook-ism for posterity:

quote:

---

If the popular controversy had been about wearing kittens as earplugs, she would have worked that into something fuckheaded too.

---

quote:

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by SuperFool:
Erin, you win. Your dick IS bigger than mine!

---

Well, that's what you get for being frugal. I mean, Good Vibrations has the Prince for only $30, spend a little money! You're worth it.

---

I blew coffee on my computer. The boss will be so upset. ( )

Comet
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
(Nice to know Erin supports the homegirls at GV, too)

And now, one of Tortuf's finer moments:

quote:

---

I think I ought to start a private board about getting along with one another. I'll call it the "Everybody Can Kiss My Ass" Board.

---

quote:

---

OH NO! I was exposed to new ideas and they MADE ME THINK! [brick wall]

---

 

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Posted by DarkKnight (# 9415) on :
 
This from Callan deserves preservation not because it is funny, but because it is succinct and just plain right:

quote:

---

This proves, I think, that liberalism can best be defined as anything a conservative disapproves of.

---

quote:

---

It's so much nicer to be admired for one's faults than one's virtues.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cymruambyth:
There are days in the summer when I think that 'Manitoba' is actally the Cree word for "Did you ever see so many mosquitoes in your life?"

---

quote:

---

We are way past "white flag of surrender" land and are currently galloping through "foaming at the mouth" land with "doing 60mph in to a brick wall" land clearly insight.

I can't watch.

---

quote:

---

Blessèd are the wankers, for they shall have a lower incidence of prostate cancer.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by icklejen:
in f1 thread in circus, fnk said "i don't think God wants Kimi to be world champion"

sad, but true. what a summary!

---

Oh wow! My first quotable quote Thanks icklejen.
 

---

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 
Rosamundi's story:

quote:

---

Easter Saturday Vigil Mass, in a convent chapel, very quiet, very peaceful, very beautiful. I was sat behind someone who appeared to be auditioning for a new Harry Enfield character, "I'm considerably holier than thou." Chapel veil, scapular the size of a small tablecloth, very ostentatious devotions before Mass.

Just into the first reading, her mobile phone rang, incredibly loudly, with possibly the most inappropriate ringtone ever, not quite "Bring your daughter to the slaughter," but close. And, of course, the wretched thing was buried at the bottom of her bag, so it took forever to find it, and I nearly ruptured something trying not to laugh whilst Reverend Mother glared daggers from the front.

---

"I'm considerably holier than thou."
 

---

Posted by Spiffy da WonderSheep (# 5267) on :
 
A fabulous exchange from the Eccles Corpus Christi thread.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:

quote:

---

Originally posted by John H:

(Though as a good Lutheran, I should point out that I believe the Lord gives us his body and blood to eat and drink, not to parade around the streets.</end polemic> )

---

He does indeed, but there's nothing wrong with publicising the menu of a place where a good meal can be had.

---

 

---

Posted by Jon-with-no-h (# 11506) on :
 
I haven't been here long enough to collect such gems, but my favorite from an emai list I'm on: "If you're going to live in fear, at least learn to spell."
 

---

Posted by FreeJack (# 10612) on :
 
On the Photos of Shipmates thread, from Cosmo and Wannabe Heretic.


Wannabe Heretic: plenty of lovely lasses there who could do with a guy who doesn’t beat around the bush.

Cosmo: Is that another fetish or merely the crie de coeur of hideous experience?

Wannabe Heretic: Oh dear. It did cross my mind 'somebody might choose to think of a filthy interpretation' but then I thought, oh no, these are good clean-minded christian folks.

Cosmo: I'm only glad to provide a service. Serve, serve, serve; it's all I do.

[ 17. June 2006, 09:30: Message edited by: FreeJack ]
 

---

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 
Thank you FreeJack (and Cosmo) I would have missed that one.
 

---

Posted by Newman's Own (# 420) on :
 
Kenwritez posted this gem in Purgatory today, in response to a new Ship mate who had outlined a "Jesus good, Old Testament Bad," etc., approach to Christianity:

quote:

---

Jesus good
Me cheating on my wife because my inner Jesus wants to bang the waitress, bad. If Mrs KW finds out? Very, VERY bad.

---

 

---

Posted by Pure as the Driven Yellow Snow (# 9397) on :
 
The cheesemeister on Chesterton,

quote:

---

To him, Christianity wasn't a chore and a strain - it was something that illuminated his whole being, bringing laughter and joy and hope. In an age where Christianity is more akin to constipation than laughter, we desperately need more like him.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mousethief:
Do we have some boundary issues?

---

I do but they're towards the bottom of page two (legal) on my Issues List.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Saint Bertolin:
I more meant that MOTR places will have crucifers instead of the other servers if there's a shortage, whereas traditionally, the Crucifer is the least necessary for Carthlick ceremonial and in many places, was only carted out on biggies.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Autenrieth Road:
Excellent, thank you Saint Bertolin, I've recently been wondering if my calling St. Z "MOTR" was accurate -- you have confirmed that I'm spot on, and we are so precisely MOTR that the line-painter coming down the middle of the road can judge his accuracy by us.

---

quote:

---

originally posted by Ken:
It is a a heap of absurd philological speculations strung together with completely invalid logical leaps and leavened with schoolboy howlers that would fail an A-level history exam. <snip> You'd be better informed if you examined fetid dingos kidneys.

---

 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
(avert your eyes if you are faint-hearted)

Max gets slipped a Mickey, and Janine makes her support more "Hellish":

quote:

---

Yah, yaaaah, ye stupid wad of dried-up snot on a mildewed used tampon suspended between the buttocks of a particularly unclean hyena!

Whatever you thought you were pulling, spiking that juice, you failed!

You didn't harm the young man in the end, so your inept attempt at (*koff*) "humor" blew up, which is about what's expected when the "joke" is put together by someone with the care, skill, brains and foresight of a castrated Chihuahua on Viagra!

And -- you vile oozing gangrenous pustule of a sub-human -- if your goal had been to "have" the young lady, you failed there, as well! Hah! I bet you couldn't get laid if you were the only man stranded on a resort casino island hosting a Hooker's Convention, a Nymphomaniac's Retreat and a Sex Therapy Seminar for Middle-Aged Horny Women

---

 

---

Posted by Newman's Own (# 420) on :
 
Ken has a tendency to have me rolling on the floor screaming, as with this recent exchange in Ecclesiantics.

To the question by Divine Outlaw Dwarf:
"And what on God's earth are 'dudes' and 'chicks'?"

Ken responded:
A blatant example of the tendency of "youth workers" who try to fake the language of teenagers to get it horribly wrong.

Everyone who tries to commit an act of church youth-work should be forced to watch the episode of Father Ted with that caravan and small and far away in it. At least six times.


 

---

Posted by Callan (# 525) on :
 
This from Presleyterian:

quote:

---

The bad news is that Janine just quoted a political statement made by a movie star that appeared in a magazine read only in the dentist's office. The good news is that she reminded me of a great mascara tip I read in Isaiah Berlin's column in Cosmo.

---

quote:

---

Don't think for a minute that you are going to get under my skin and start a childish word-war with me; opinions this fundamental are not changed because liberal weiners and right-wing nut-jobs have juvenile flamewars over the wire, or wave around giant fly-swatters in parades.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Adeodatus:
I'm an Anglican. I don't nail my colours to the mast. I pin them to the noticeboard.

Which no-one reads.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Firenze:
Existential dread

I look at that towering, ugly head, those blank, yellow eyes and I realise the universe is a sick joke by a mad god, our lives a meaningless scribble across an indifferent chaos.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Nonpropheteer:


adoration

I look at that towering, noble head, those golden yellow eyes so full of life and raw power, and I realise the universe is a diverse creation by a loving God, and our lives indescribingly enriched by thoughtful narration that is Moose.

---

quote:

---

I'm well aware of A-Cs who regard Protestants in much the same way Pooh Bear views Heffalumps; they're not actually sure what they are but they know they don't like them.

---

quote:

---

Kelly Alves in Emotional Responses:
I just want a moose to really, really like me.

---

quote:

---

posted by Spiffy da WonderSheep:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
She thinks she's so damn smart.

---

It's this thread, it inflates my ego.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Crackers & Goat Cheese:
Kelly Alves, after swallowing a fly while pleading that her previous post in "Today I consign to Hell" be included in the Quotes file:

"coughquotesfilecough cough"

---

quote:

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Big enough to kick ass, and small enough to fit up many. Where does the line start?

---

---

quote:

---

That is one of the most disgusting recipes for a marinade I have ever read, Ken. Shoot, I wouldn't soak a dead man's dick in something so foul.

---

 

---

Posted by KenWritez (# 3238) on :
 
O man, I'd forgotten how funny we could be!
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
A real keeper, from the film The Big Kahuna: Phil Cooper (Danny Devito)insructs an overzealous young Christian on character:

Phil: The question is, do you have any character at all? And if you want my honest opinion, Bob, you do not. For the simple reason that you don't regret anything yet.

Bob: Are you saying I won't have any character unless I do something I regret?

Phil: No, Bob. I'm saying you've already done plenty of things to regret. You just don't know what they are. It's when you discover them. When you see the folly in something you've done. And you wish you had to do over. But you know you can't because it's too late. So you pick that thing up and you carry it with you. To remind you that life goes on. The world will spin without you. You really don't matter in the end. Then will you attain character. Because honesty will reach out from inside and tattoo itself all across your face.
 

---

Posted by KenWritez (# 3238) on :
 
TBK should be shown to every high school and college church group. IMNSVHO.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
I NSH-ly totally agree.
 

---

Posted by KenWritez (# 3238) on :
 
Freak my biscuit.

What movie should be on IFC tonight when I was channel surfing?

TBK

What part of the movie's dialogue should be featured in the last act of the movie?

Kelly's quoted lines.

Freak two of my biscuits.

The movie was even better than I remembered it. DeVito, Spacey and the kid did an incredible job of holding your interest in shot after shot that happened in one hotel room.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
[Yeah, it had been on earlier that evening in IFC )
 

---

Posted by Ann (# 94) on :
 

quote:

---

I think I probably am the most Conservative, Liberal, Catholic Protestant on the planet. I like to think it's because God and I have an understanding about these things. He deals with the nasty, difficult ideas. I deal with the pretty outfits.

---

quote:

---

I think Myrrh must have been snorting powdered trollshit

---

 

---

Posted by basso (# 4228) on :
 
Sir Kevin, in the Circus, about over-testosteroned cyclist Floyd Landis:

quote:

---

Say it isn't so! Maybe he was just thinking about girls...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by MSHB:
Would make a great saying: "Just think: someone, somewhere in the world, thinks that what you are doing right now is a sin."

---

quote:

---

I got an idea. How 'bout you go take a flying fuck at a rolling donut, and leave us to worry about which threads should and shouldn't stay open. OK?

---

 

---

Posted by Newman's Own (# 420) on :
 
On a thread in Heaven, where riverfalls was writing of having seen a unicorn and a flying saucer and having had contact with faeries, Ariel's response had me rolling on the floor:

quote:

---

Don't talk to me about unicorns and flying saucers. Blasted unicorns keep ruining my garden trampling all over it and eating the herbaceous borders, and last week I had a flying saucer land at midnight in the back of it, three little green men got out, clearly very drunk, left a seriously dodgy crop circle in the grass and woozed off again giggling like anything. I'm sick of it and so are the flower fairies, they're thinking of going on strike if any more of the herbaceous border is eaten.

---

quote:

---

Bubblepack

God hits you in the guts and tickles your fancy, rarely shows interest in your brain.

---

quote:

---

Too bad you Brits didn't kill off the Puritans when you had the chance. Because the fuckers drive us crazy over here.

---

quote:

---

you got a problem with your man checking out boobs, go after Cosmo.

Comet

Whoops! eta: Cosmo the magazine, not the shipmate! [Hot and Hormonal]

---

 

---

Posted by Janine (# 3337) on :
 
I particularly enjoyed that being quoted with the smiley written out like that. Good stuff.

From churchgeek, in the Ecclesiantics thread about changing churches:

"Is it about integrity? (or its pale imitation, purity?)"
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Ok, again not a Ship quote, but such great sig potential thought I should run it past y'all:

quote:

---

My friend Tanner she says, "You know me and Jesus/We're of the same heart
The only thing that keeps us distant
Is that I keep fuckin' up"

---

--From the song Shame on You, Indigo Girls
 

---

Posted by Newman's Own (# 420) on :
 
From our wonderful multipara, on a Purgatory thread about why Roman Catholics do not swim the Thames (...even though I did so!)

quote:

---

...the barque of St Peter is big enough for all of us from Octopus Dei to Ecclesia Dei to the geetar brigade. One of the risks of uniformity of belief/ritual/dress etc is to turn any church into a sect, and a potentially nasty one at that.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by FreeJack:
Cometchaser on the breast thread:

quote:

---

you got a problem with your man checking out boobs, go after Cosmo.

Comet

Whoops! eta: Cosmo the magazine, not the shipmate! [Hot and Hormonal]

---

---

there I go being all hot and hormonal again!
nice to be quoted though!
 

---

Posted by Eliab (# 9153) on :
 
Much as I disagree with the sentiment, I thought this was inspired:

quote:

---

mr cheesy on Orthodoxy:
Unfortunately when God was dishing out tact and humility you were away venerating something

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Nightlamp:

quote:

---

Originally posted by riverfalls:

We are a But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people;

---

Some are just a little more peculiar than others.

---

quote:

---

This is truly bizarre but sort of amusing watching people argue that black is in fact white and anyone that says different is going to cause complete and total destruction of colours.

---

quote:

---

Their devotion to increasing the power and reach of big governnment makes FDR look like a piker and their current operating strategy of burning money in an open field makes my Republican relatives apoplectic.

---

While I bailed on the party awhile back, this certainly sums up where the GOP are falling on their face nowadays.
 

---

Posted by Janine (# 3337) on :
 
Yeah, we probably are allowed the occasional off-site quote.

"There will never be a winner in the battle of the sexes. There is too much fraterniing with the enemy." -- Henry Kissinger
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Amoyra's parting words at the Montgomery Steet BART station, as he faced long (well, long enough) walk alone to his hostel in downtown San Francisco:

quote:

---

If I don't post for two or three days, avenge my death.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lord of all Llamas:
If you cultivate compassion, there's not much room for being a serial killer, an absent parent, or a raging fundamentalist.

-LS

---

quote:

---

Don't piss me off! I'm on Atkins and I'd kill you just for the protein

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ann:
If we're allowed the odd off-site quote ...

---

quote:

---

The other reason for having a newsletter is that if you allow the Sunday School, the Church Council, the Wednesday Wives and all the other groups to submit their interminable reports to the parish magazine instead of reading them out at church while everyone's Sunday joints slowly transform into charcoal in the oven, the newsletter may be dire, but it will be of invaluable service to the community as a whole.

---

 

---

Posted by KenWritez (# 3238) on :
 
Thanks, Kel.
 

---

Posted by Newman's Own (# 420) on :
 
There are so many clever, witty lines on the current "Is Bush Churchill?" thread in Purgatory that I'm tempted to quote at least seven - but, for the moment, I'll confine my quote to that of Mousethief:

* One was a great man; the other is a great joke.
* One led his country to victory over a formidable foe; the other is leading his country to ruin for his fundraising friends.
* One was wise; the other is a fool.
* One was a great orator; the other is an embarassment every time he opens his mouth.
* One wrote many very well-crafted books; the other can barely read.
* One had a great vision for his country; the other has a great vision for his supporters.
* One was a wit; the other is a shit.

Sorry, just can't see the comparison.


 

---

Posted by Newman's Own (# 420) on :
 
Couldn't resist - Alan's response to my post on the Bush and Churchill thread had me on the floor.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Alan Cresswell:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Newman's Own:
I doubt that Dubya has ever heard of the Norman Conquest.

---

Wasn't that when Stormin' Norman conquered the Iraqi army occupy Kuwait?

---

quote:

---

Er, Jesus was the Son of God, begotten of the Father before all worlds, light of light, very God of very God, of one substance with the Father, all that jazz. You, on the other hand, are just some guy arguing the toss on a discussion board. It could be argued, therefore, that the analogy is not an exact one.

---

quote:

---

God is big, God can deal. God often surprises us.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mousethief, after a little Marvin butt-kissing:

Like Marvin, Myrrh always types in words made of letters I recognize.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Welease Woderwick:
... we don't have to go too far back in history to when castrati were all the rage in church choirs! Did that make their voices a cut above the rest?

---

 

---

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :
 
I believe this one was from the "No Holidays Please, We're Americans" thread in Purg. I thought it was very insightful.

quote:

---

A Feminine Force wrote:
I think this is Work Camp America. We can't see the guard towers because they look like banks, can't see the barbed wire because they look like gated communities, and can't see the german shepherds because they look like shiny new SUVs.

---

quote:

---

Further the Revelation is John of Patmos' acid dream and hardly a good source for historical information about the man Jesus of Nazareth.

---

quote:

---

Mixing politics and religion is like mixing love and sex.

---

quote:

---

Mixing politics and religion is like mixing love and sex.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Janine:
From The Boondocks:

Riley Freeman, upon discovering that his idolized rap star is a fake, isn't particularly thuggish, and in fact might even be gay:

"It's like getting to Heaven and finding God smoking crack!"

...and Robert "Granddad" Freeman, expressing his not-very-positive opinion about the lifestyle of said idolized rapper:

"What the hell is 'Thuggin' Love'... Is that when you make love to your woman, then right before that special moment, you beat her upside the head, snatch her purse, and throw her down the stairs?!"

---

I love that comic.
 

---

Posted by Barnabas62 (# 9110) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mad Geo on the Ouija thread:

Yes, weird shit happens, but if that weird shit happens than god's weird shit should be stronger.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Flausa:
You realize that it's not all about you. Sadly, some people never grow up.

---

quote:

---

But then one person's answered prayer may be another persons pile of shit!

---

quote:

---

The Coot explains sermon writing better than most seminaries:

Really, it's not that hard to give an edifying sermon. It doesn't have to be longer than 5 or 6 minutes. Tell the flock how they can apply the gospel of the day to their lives, that God loves them and exhort them to be more Christ-like.

---

quote:

---

Under democracy, the stupid people always win.

---

quote:

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Zappa:


There is so much blatant and demonic bullshit implicit (and often explicit) in Jack Chick's world view that I think any link to his alleged writings should come with a health warning.

---

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Prophetess:
I had thought that the American taste for conspiracy theories was one rich, goopy soft drink we'd kept to ourselves.

---

• I'm a bit of an introvert and I find that at times I need a break from relating to people - so that whole Trinity thing would have been a little claustrophobic for me - I think I would have had to send other members of the trinity away at times...so maybe the incarnation and pentecost would have still occurred, just a little earlier and a little more often.

quote:

---

What in the name of Dr. Bronner has your Noah's Ark question got to do with Rudyard Kipling?

---

 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Sorry, Teufelchen

 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
And Kelly puts it all in perspective with this:

quote:

---

You know, A little rain may fall, we may sail though rough waters, but as long as we can still indulge in gratuitous dick jokes,there is life and hope...

---

quote:

---

Thank God this site is full of not-Christians, were-once-Christians, not-sure-Christians, not-yet-Christians, not-on-your-life-Christians as well as fully-signed-up-Christians. It is this mix which gives the ship its balance and unique flavour, and makes it worth visiting and contributing to time and time again.

---

quote:

---

Happiness is a drawer full of well-fitting undies.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Hazey*Jane:
Chorister, on a thread in Purg about Non-Christians posting on the Ship:

quote:

---

Thank God this site is full of not-Christians, were-once-Christians, not-sure-Christians, not-yet-Christians, not-on-your-life-Christians as well as fully-signed-up-Christians. It is this mix which gives the ship its balance and unique flavour, and makes it worth visiting and contributing to time and time again.

---

Would make a good introduction to the boards, no?

---

quote:

---

Earwax sonata! I repeat! Earwax sonata! alpha one, beta one, Eisenhower.

---

quote:

---

So you have chosen to promote the cause by acting out the role of a all-boys-together, arrogant, arse-licking, brain-dead-anglo-catholic, carping, elitist, exclusionist, faux-aesthete, gin-swilling, hole-in-a-corner, incense-swinging, irrelevancy-wallowing, irrelevant, lace-covered, misdirecting, misogynist, muck-racking, mud-slinging, obscurantist, obstructionist, out-of-touch, over-fastidious, port-and-lemon, precious, precisionist, purblind, sanctimonious, sectarian, sentimental, sky-high, sneering, supercilious, tat-fondling, Tory-party-at-prayer, whinging, whining, women-hating snob.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Callan:
Hey! Half a dozen of those aren't insults!

---

Depends if one is the insulter or the insultee.
 

---

Posted by 8bit Micro (# 10395) on :
 
RooK posting on the TICTH thread made the following statement that tickled me and I thought was worth preserving...

quote:

---

May a particularly sinister species of electric eel spontaneously evolve legs and migrate in the night to all your bedrooms and nest in your wobbly bits.

---

quote:

---

We need to continually 'rekindle the amazement' - to swim in the wonder of the Incarnation, to dive deep into the truth that we are children of the Creator.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Telepath
Flailing about trying to befriend Bangladeshi coffee-growing one-parent family whales before popping out for the afternoon to bring fairly-traded organic grapes to elderly prisoners in hospital is an excellent way to tick lots of items off your to-do list.

---

quote:

---

Spawn, in the "CU Forced to Rename" thread in Purg:
Conservative evangelicals unfortunately are very often the anoraks of the evangelical world - obsessed with the science of salvation, rather than the mystery of it.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Iole Nui
In the spirit of extreme boringness, I have to protest that I never stuck anything combustible up any cat's bottom, ever, not in my entire life.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by dyfrig:
Dammit, DOD, stop introducing nuance, thoughtfulness and complexity into things! What this country needs is strong, no-nonsense, clear cut prejudice which can be easily categorised without recourse to further consideration.

---

quote:

---

I'm all for trying to defend the orthodoxy of Anglican bishops, but I'm in no hurry to get into a fight with the Abominable Strawman.

---

 

---

Posted by Jimmy B (# 220) on :
 
A fab little gem from Firenze:

"perpetually obliging hot tottie"

Would make a fantastic Ship title

quote:

---

From her post on Mark Driscoll's article about pastor's wives:
There's all the rockstar babe-magnet stuff - which I don't doubt. Pastors/ministers have an in to people's lives, and swooning female congregants are nothing new in the history of the church. A bad consequence, IMFO, of male leadership. I don't know which is worse - celibacy, or this kind of snorting, dominant-male sexuality. And the peeved insistence that the payback for not succumbing to all this adulation, is a wife who is perpetually obliging hot tottie. In these circles I suspect she is also supposed to produce and rear a brood of children, be unpaid secretary, informal social worker - and smiling helpmeet at all times - without, for an instant, 'letting herself go'. Poor bitch.

---

The whole thing was fantastic really.
 

---

Posted by Ena (# 11545) on :
 
Someone posted this a little while back:

Blackadder: Baldrick, have you no idea what irony is?
Baldrick: Yeah, it's just like goldy and bronzey but it's irony.

And this was from a Purg thread ages ago:
Maybe the only answer we really get to prayers is "I love you."
Sometimes it's hard to hear.

Sorry but I don't know who! Any claimers?
 

---

Posted by Timothy the Obscure (# 292) on :
 
That was mine, actually...
 

---

Posted by Newman's Own (# 420) on :
 
Perhaps only one who is devoutly C of E has the right to fall on the floor laughing at this quote - and I am one to exercise my rights freely.

the coiled spring introduced a thread in Purgatory regarding "Elton John gives interview in which he say organised religion should be banned because of attitude towards gays."

My favourite amongst coiled spring's responses to his own thread was this:

quote:

---

I can see Elton the Lad having trouble with Islam if UK goes over to Shia law, but don`t know why he would have a problem with the C of E With a bit of an effort on his part, should quickly become a pri-matey and wear one of those funny card hats to cover his bald spot.

---

 

---

Posted by Jimmy B (# 220) on :
 
This little gem from Karl: LB

quote:

---

If pews seem hard I say grow a bigger arse.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Saint Bertelin in Hell:
Foot odour can usually be remedied with leather shoes and cotton-rich socks. Heresy is quite another matter.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Spiffy da WonderSheep:
Damnit, Comet, I was just toddling down here to drop that one off!

---

what, not this one instead?

quote:

---

Originally posted by the Spiffster:
churches really should be like sluts; take everyone no matter who they are or whether they can pay.

---

quote:

---

Not Feeding the Troll doesn't allow one to be Irate, Holier Than Thou, or Claiming The Moral High Ground, which is the way a lot of folks get their rocks off, figuratively (I hope) speaking.

On the other hand Feeding the Troll is a way of feeling you've done a Brave And Noble Thing without actually having done much of anything. Plus it gives one a Warm Glow of Self-Satisfaction.

Who could resist?

---

quote:

---

I keep my best twat for High Mass on Sunday, thank you very much.

---

quote:

---

...all mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language; and every chapter must be so translated; God employs several translators; some pieces are translated by age, some by sickness, some by war, some by justice; but God’s hand is in every translation, and his hand shall bind up all our scattered leaves again for that library where every book shall lie open to one another.

---

quote:

---

If you can't tell the difference between an adult man and a duck, there is no help for you here.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider Managementspeak is to linguistic evolution as splicing fluorescent jellyfish genes into spinach is to biological evolution.

Artificial, pointless and rather tasteless.

---

quote:

---

I am utterly slain by the idea of Almighty God, Creator of the Universe, being born amongst us as a helpless baby in a stable, warmed by the breath of animals. Wow.

---

quote:

---

3If I give away all I have, and if I give my body to be burned, but if I do not love people, I get nothing out of it.
4Nurks is patient and kind. Nurks is not jealous. Nurks is not proud and does not boast.
5Nurks does not do things that are not nice. Nurks does not just think of itself. Nurks does not get angry. Nurks holds no wrong feelings in the heart.
6Nurks is not glad when people do wrong things. But it is always glad when they do right.
7Nurks forgives everything. Nurks is always trusting, and always hoping, and never gives up.

---

quote:

---

GROAN

People, please. You're making me start to think you all like being bitter, twisted anger sponges.

---

quote:

---

That's one gaseous alien shag-monster and one squid-cum-200-year-old lesbian serial killer: I wonder if RTD wouldn't be happier filming a sequel to the Rocky Horror Show?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
After lo these many years as a Hell Host, the penny finally drops for RooK:

quote:

---

GROAN

People, please. You're making me start to think you all like being bitter, twisted anger sponges.

---

---

quote:

---

I hate that sort of job, which is why I don't tend to do that sort of job.

---

quote:

---

We excuse the "sins" we are tempted by and go nuclear on those that don't tempt us...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Leetle Masha:
SpongeBob Squarefangs, duchess?

M

---

 

---

Posted by Callan (# 525) on :
 
Mousethief takes issue with Frank n' Honest:

quote:

---

If there is no God, who sends people to Hell? The Sorting Hat?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Callan:
Mousethief takes issue with Frank n' Honest:

quote:

---

If there is no God, who sends people to Hell? The Sorting Hat?

---

---

 

---

Posted by MouseThief (# 953) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sister Mary Precious in a Heaven thread about "when did you find out":
Santa is truly just as real as the Easter Bunny, The Tooth Fairy, and Cher.

---

quote:

---

Why do we periodically get random newbies who come across the Ship and think that the best possible way to have fun here is to come to Hell and see:
1.How stupid a thing they can say in an OP.

2.How many people can provide a rebuttal within 24 hours.

3.How many 6yr old insults they can hurl.

Is there some board elsewhere having a competition? Because surely the chance of lots and lots of random people all independently deciding that's the best way forward is too small to be believable. Or am I underestimating the stupidity of the human race again?

And why do they all say some variation on these lines:

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I wanted to see how hot it gets down here. Your insults are nothing to me. I am TEH UBER FLAMEGOD I will win this.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's not a fucking competition.

Arseholic morons.

---

quote:

---

Why do we periodically get random newbies who come across the Ship and think that the best possible way to have fun here is to come to Hell and see:
1.How stupid a thing they can say in an OP.

2.How many people can provide a rebuttal within 24 hours.

3.How many 6yr old insults they can hurl.

Is there some board elsewhere having a competition? Because surely the chance of lots and lots of random people all independently deciding that's the best way forward is too small to be believable. Or am I underestimating the stupidity of the human race again?

And why do they all say some variation on these lines:

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I wanted to see how hot it gets down here. Your insults are nothing to me. I am TEH UBER FLAMEGOD I will win this.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's not a fucking competition.

Arseholic morons.

---

[ 10. December 2006, 21:32: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
 

---

Posted by Papio (# 4201) on :
 
Does it need to be archived twice?
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
YES, DAMMIT, IT'S BRILLIANT!

( )
 

---

Posted by Lowly Worm (# 11663) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Left at the Altar on a Hell thread:

It's times like this that I imagine RooK and Marvin and Sarky with lovely golden rings shimmering above their heads, as they paitiently read all the dross.

St RooK, St Marvin and St Sarkycow. The Trinity.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Arrietty:

quote:

---

Originally posted by aumbry:
I am a regular visitor to London from this Saxon fastness and I recall seeing no Christmas symbolism in any of the public decorations.

---

Come to think of it, my last Easter egg wasn't embossed with the stations of the cross either.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by ken on the 'Last Rites' Purgatory thread:
...the stresses introduced by Anglo-Catholcism - i.e. "how do we ensure that the next vicar is the Right Sort of Chap when half the diocese thinks we are a cross between the Great Whore of Babylon and the Spawn of Cthulu?"

---

quote:

---

Gluttons and gossips tend to have the valued positions in the church, despite the Biblical strictures.

---

 

---

Posted by Pure Sunshine (# 11904) on :
 
In Hell, Dinghy Sailor wrote:

Ken, why do you have to be right so much? It makes me all the more annoyed when I don't agree with you.



I think Ken should use that as his sig!
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
"Why Bother Getting Up in the Morning" Dept.:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Bean Sidhe:
Les

We will be offended if you are offensive
We will be offended if you are not offensive
We will be offended if you take offence
We will be offended if you do not take offence
We will be offended, in fact, if you speak
We will be offended if you do not speak

Read that once more, then start again.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by KenWritez:

quote:

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Originally posted by duchess:
I have no husband. So Duran Duran underwear welcomed here.

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Duch, I dunno if I can find any down here. What if I just grab a pair of whites and use a Magic Marker to write DURAN on each cheek and Hungry Like the Wolf on the front?

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Churches are scary enough for the unchurched without them having to face the massed ranks of the Hyacinth Bouquet Panzer Division every time their children makes a sound which is not authorised by the rubrics.

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quote:

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God is the author of my life, I'm the pages on which His text is written.

Currently, He seems to be drawing cartoons on me.

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 


Goes well with the Donne quote.
 

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Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Quoth the esteemed tomb (squamous and rugose) on the AS:Molly thread:

quote:

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Death is so inconvenient.

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quote:

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Sine, your cynical self-interest regarding no-room-at-the-inn and the Bethlehem Marriott is practically inspiring.

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The Christian gospel is not a logic puzzle that God set us so that he can ensure he gets the smartest possible worshippers. If it were, the incarnation would have been unnecessary – a Sudoku would have done just as well.

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quote:

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On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is simple and 10 is complex, God is a banana.

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I went out[to Walmart] this morning after learning that Genesis 1 invalidates the whole of the bible, and the best they could offer me was Tickle Me Richard Dawkins.

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lo, verily, the organist had smitten the keyboard like unto Samson getting all Bronze Age on somebody's ass.

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Originally posted by Moo:
If Kindade had painted only one picture, I think I would like it.

Unfortunately, he didn't stop there.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Ena:
Unfortunately I don't remember who said it, and it won't let me search for it, so.........yet again, I say: any claimers? Someone must be proud of that one!

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quote:

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Originally posted by Campbellite:

quote:

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Originally posted by Ena:
Unfortunately I don't remember who said it, and it won't let me search for it, so.........yet again, I say: any claimers? Someone must be proud of that one!

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I think that was Welease Woderick, but I could be wrong.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Doublethink:
[Tangent]I had never heard of Kindade - but he appears to be some kind of American Jack Vettriano[/Tangent]

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quote:

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Originally posted by Ena:
I can see WW saying it too, though...

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I can't see WW referring to SWMBO somehow - I think HWMBO might have something to say about that
 

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Posted by The Great Gumby (# 10989) on :
 
I thought the same thing, JtL. Congrats, BTW.

Adeodatus on Torchwood:

quote:

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There are only so many British cities you can trample on or fight an interplanetary war over, before somebody somewhere notices.

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quote:

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but we can all see that giving someone in their twenties pastoral care of a congregation of six hundred young people after one year at theological college with no adequate support or oversight is going to end badly whether he is Hannibal Lecter or St. John of the Cross.

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Originally posted by Janine:


I look in the mirror and see... A thrill ride. The cockpit of a vintage luxury car well-covered in butter-soft Fine Corinthian Leather. A full-fat, extra-cream dessert, spiked with spices and finest liquors and set afire as it's served.

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All I can say is whoa..yeaaassss!
(and I am borrowing this...mighty fine line! )
 

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Posted by Spike (# 36) on :
 
Max in Eccles

quote:

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Mine goes over my head and then has a zip up the middle.

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
I really should be getting to bed, but I had to drop this one off:

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Originally posted by Corpus cani:
There's little more painful than banging one's own bony bits against someone else's bony bits, and there's always the risk of it sounding like a xylophone.

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quote:

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Originally posted by duchess:
From the hell thread "Why not just have a siren go off? "FAT-so, FAT-so, FAT-so!"

quote:

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Originally posted by Janine:


I look in the mirror and see... A thrill ride. The cockpit of a vintage luxury car well-covered in butter-soft Fine Corinthian Leather. A full-fat, extra-cream dessert, spiked with spices and finest liquors and set afire as it's served.

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All I can say is whoa..yeaaassss!
(and I am borrowing this...mighty fine line! )

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Uh huh. That's Janine all right.
 

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Posted by Corpus cani (# 1663) on :
 
Yoiks! I am humbled Mme Lapin avec une hache.

In years to come, those researching my biography will find this permanent record of my erudition.

"Oh, look," will say Researcher the First, "He contributed a passage to an internet-based theological forum!"

"Really?" will come the response. "What is the underlying theme of his thesis?"

"Umm... it's all about knobbing skinny girls."

Bang goes my canonisation then...

Cc
 

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Posted by Spike (# 36) on :
 
Posted by Ags

quote:

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Don't mind, lad or lass

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[ 09. January 2007, 22:52: Message edited by: Spike ]
 

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Posted by Ags (# 204) on :
 
Well, Cc, at least you named your preference.
I, on the other hand, seem to be a little ambivalent about mine!

Spike -
 

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Posted by To The Pain (# 12235) on :
 
Ariel in Heaven;

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I wonder if they could all be combined - an alluring dance with the hula hoop that finishes with your feet under the sideboard. Would the sultan go for that, I wonder?

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I’m not becoming my mother. I’m becoming my grandmother. And to think I pitched her bridge cloths when I moved. I knew I shouldn’t get rid of anything. I just KNEW it!

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Sometimes all we can do is throw a rock at the window and let grace shine through!

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To forget that +KJS was an active research oceanographer is not wise. She is not the Vicar of Dibley in rochet and chimere.

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God is Love, not Prozac.

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It's almost frightening the regularity in which it represents people who like to play in Hell- but not well. Someone should write it up as an addendum to Rorschach.

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Oops, clipped it.

quote:

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Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
What is it about the tiger avatar?

It's almost frightening the regularity in which it represents people who like to play in Hell- but not well. Someone should write it up as an addendum to Rorschach.

I except Mama Thomas, Of course.

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quote:

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Look, this is Hell. We've got no problem with posters mocking loonies and dumbos and mentally subnormal sick people. But if they misuse the English language our pedantry circuits will be engaged.

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quote:

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Posted by The Lad Himself:

Obviously God's female. Otherwise how do you explain multiple orgasms? Exactly.

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Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Dang it, Worm, you beat me to it!
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Keep this excuse handy, courtesy of dogwonderer:

quote:

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I haven't actually read past Line 3 of the OP yet, cos my dog ate the printout.

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quote:

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the truth is that in this thread you've been little more than a scratching post to a herd of bored cats.

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Originally posted by Lynn MagdalenCollege:
Play with your dead kitty and see what looks good - be bold!

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quote:

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I think you'll find that the preponderance of clinical evidence clearly identifies two specific kinds of relationships as being most likely to cause psychological harm: marriage and parenthood.

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Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :
 
Corpus Cani:

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As a fully fledged Anglican I can claim to be fully qualified in nailing my colours firmly to the fence.

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quote:

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I'm sure he'll be providing the forward to the Patriot Edition of the Malleus Malificarum.

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The Gospel according to Gordito, after all, says Jesus wandered into the desert for 40 days to come up with the 4 Step Plan for Salvation and to helpfully write out all His words in red marker in Elizabethan English, all the while singing "Shine, Myself, Shine".

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quote:

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Originally posted by RooK:
You're so dense that your brain must have an event horizon around it.

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quote:

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Originally posted by OliviaG:
I think the most beautiful thing about this insult is the incongruity of a person who knows what an event horizon acting so dense as to deserve this. OliviaG

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quote:

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Originally posted by comet:
KenW's been taking the megalomania pills again.

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quote:

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Originally posted by AdamPater:
But before you can listen you have to stop talking. And before you can understand someone you have to stop telling them what they're saying. Before you can point them to Jesus, you have to stop giving them the finger.

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Posted by infinite_monkey (# 11333) on :
 
I was just on my way to post that one: AdamPater,
 

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Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on :
 
As Professor Kirke notes

quote:

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If Maryland and New York combine forces, my Limited Edition Goat Nad iPod is going to completely lose its resale value.

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quote:

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I wonder if they'd bother to ban false clitorides ? Though of course you'd have to mount them somewhere under the hood, and the mechanic would spend ages trying to find them ...

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Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Sine Nomine in Hell:

quote:

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Well you know, Gordo, it occurs to me that if you were so damn happy with your own beliefs you wouldn’t feel the compulsion to throw stones at other people’s.

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quote:

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Originally posted by ken:

Belgium is the odd one out. A constitutionally Roman Catholic state founded by the Brits in the 1830s in order to prevent France running all the Channel ports.

We stocked its royal family with minor German Protestant princes, just as we did those of Greece and a few other assorted south-eastern European countries. Its a British skill, like stocking salmon farms and trout ponds.

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quote:

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How the hell have you managed to take the joy, the excitement and the irrepressible delight of the Gospel and reduced it to nyah nyah nyah?

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Originally posted by Lynn MagdalenCollege:
she's either laughing and whooping it up with friends (the ones that roped her into this[a comedic ballet]) or she's getting pie-eyed down at Fergit Yer Trubbles, pondering her future career as an itinerant buffoon... I trust it's the former.

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A priest of my childhood once commented, "If God's given you a terrible singing voice, then the least you can do is give it back to Him. Sing up, damnit."

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Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
I want that as a T-shirt - so I can sing appallingly and point to the slogan!
 

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Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :
 
comet:

quote:

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BECAUSE PAUL WAS JESUS' SOCK PUPPET!!!

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Posted by infinite_monkey (# 11333) on :
 
Zappa in hell:

quote:

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I hate it when people bullshit in the name of Jesus.

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The sentence above, for example, is so fat and unwieldy as to be well-nigh unreadable. A starving Third World family could live on it for a week.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Rossweisse:

quote:

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Originally posted by MouseThief:
On the contrary. If she's that worried about starving third world families, she should send her calorific sentences to them, rather than wasting them on us overfed westerners.

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"There are children starving for adverbs in India."

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quote:

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comet:
I find an afternoon's play with a decent organ always sets me right again.

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Amen.
 

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Posted by Spiffy da WonderSheep (# 5267) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by The Silent Acolyte in Eccles thread "Process to the Trisagion":
Though it's hard not to sing when approaching the altar of God.

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quote:

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One of the salient points about being liberal is that your core is not meant to be hard, but soft, and generous, if not exactly pliable or runny, something like chocolate fudge.

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"Get your arse down to the nearest marriage license bureau as soon as you can find a woman who'll have you, because you obviously haven't got the gift of chastity."

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quote:

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Originally posted by The Atheist:
The people I know who have "found Jesus" later on in life are all very much like ex-smokers - zealous wankers.

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Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
Oooh, I'm so pleased! My very own quote. I'm finally all growed up.

But such a quote to be remembered by...
 

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Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :
 
We aim to please.
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Hey, y'all, we got a mission statement now:

quote:

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Originally posted by Gort:
Humour is the last refuge of the desperate and cynical.

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quote:

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on the entry into town, right where the tracks cross the road, there is a large swamp where the moose like to hang out in the summer. one day, my son (11) and I come up over the hill and down the other side to see ten vehicles - 'bagos and rentals, of course - stopped and blocking the road while taking pictures of a lovely older bull trying to have his breakfast in peace.

as I wound my way through the stopped cars to get to work, I saw a young man with camera in the swamp water, wading closer, and closer, and closer...

I said to Chasee#2, "he had better be careful or that moose will charge."

Chasee#2 responds in his best "moose voice": "Excuse me sir, that will be twenty bucks for that picture. I accept Visa.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
comet:

quote:

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Chasee#2 responds in his best "moose voice": "Excuse me sir, that will be twenty bucks for that picture. I accept Visa."

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C#2 is a big fan of the Ship. Big.

I told him he made the Quotes Fie, and his response was, "AWWWWWW-some!"

He said to tell you all he'll be here in 4 years and six months.
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Bring it, Chasee!

Ok, this was too long to put into my sig, but it is so my political position on , well, everything:

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Republicans are idiots, and democrats are idiots, and liberals are idiots, and conservatives are idiots.. anybody who done made up their mind before they fucking heard the issue is a fucking idiot.

--Chris Rock

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Why the Good Lord would want to save any of you squabbling fuck-monkeys is the One True Mystery.

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Thankfully, I put my faith in God to tell me whether or not I'm a good Christian, and not in you or the three blind mice of Jensenites.

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Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
Some things are just meant to be gloriously tacky. Two of them are Spanish reredos and your average wedding cake.

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Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :
 

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Kelley, this would fit as a sig:

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...anybody who done made up their mind before they fucking heard the issue is a fucking idiot. ~Chris Rock

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Yeah, I figured it out. And I realized I hadn't got the quote quite right, either.
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Never, never, never get into a verbal pissing contest with Kenwritez.

quote:

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quote:

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Originally posted by KenWritez:
If you really hate [X]that much, why not just buy a cat from the pound, name him "[X]," and then have him neutered? Keep the scrotum on your desk in a little jar of formaldehyde.

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The question of where Mark ended his gospel has been one of those that induce a collapse in scholarly decorum and there’s nothing quite so fascinating as sitting on the sidelines watching scholars un-decor themselves.

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Originally posted by Corpus cani:
[Or how about the newly appointed precentor of Lincoln Cathedral in the early 20thC who met the bishop in the close on Easter Morning?

Bishop: Alleluia! Christ is risen!

*pause*

Precentor: Quite so, my Lord, quite so.]

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Posted by Newman's Own (# 420) on :
 
Teufelchen contributed this gem to a Purgatory thread about street preachers:

quote:

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"Don't be a sinner when you can be a winner!" proclaims the Oxford Circus guy.

Perhaps the Cult of Cthulhu can do a competing pitch: "Even if you're a sinner, you can still be our god's dinner!"

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Originally posted by flighty:

If you want sympathy, look in the dictionary between shit and syphillis.

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Quite so, my Lord, quite so.

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...we're not in the habit of catering to the sensitive.

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Les, making people laugh is the same as being happy? What happened to the tears of a clown, the lonely agony of the long-distance standup? Have you no soul?

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Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
Hey! I let the two friends I was with go first to see if they keeled over or not.

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The regular Hell Hosts have apparently been struggling to find a suitable reason to close this piece of shit of a thread.

As a special guest host extraordinaire, I find that I have no requirement for reasons.

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Die.

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Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
I can't remember who it was, but one sparkling day in Hell we had one of those online tests that told you what your spiritual gifts were, and someone who took the test posted:

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Oh, hoo-freaking-ray. I have the gift of celibacy.

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Still gets me giggling.

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Originally posted by Papio:
I get a mouse called Ariel.

I don't wanna sodding mouse.

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You don't need to feel stupid all by yourself. We are here to keep you company while you feel stupid. Don't just disregard us as if we were nobodies.

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PE just sucks. It goes sucky sucky suck suck. It has no redeeming features at all.

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[ 01. May 2007, 10:59: Message edited by: BillyPilgrim ]
 

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Posted by MouseThief (# 953) on :
 
In a purg discussion on good and evil as experienced personally:

quote:

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Karl the Liberal Backslider said, and I quote,
Seems to me that this Satan is an industrious wee beastie, with all this sending of Bad News. I'm not sure how helpful, or accurate, this sort of "God sending the good things, Satan sending the bad things" dualism is. We can easily end up at "God got me a parking place/Satan made my rear offside puncture in the rain" thinking, and that's when Christianity turns into some kind of cosmic RPG with God and Satan taking turns as dungeon master.

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Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 
Rossweisse, talking about whether or not a certain group should refer to themselves as Christian.

quote:

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You can call yourself Elizabeth Windsor, but that doesn't mean the Queen's corgis will come when you whistle for them.

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quote:

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A religion without teeth cannot bite, it can only suck...

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Originally posted by BillyPilgrim:
Papio on being bullied at school:

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PE just sucks. It goes sucky sucky suck suck. It has no redeeming features at all.

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Well, ok. I can see how I could have phrased that better.
 

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Posted by BillyPilgrim (# 9841) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Papio:

quote:

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Originally posted by BillyPilgrim:
Papio on being bullied at school:

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PE just sucks. It goes sucky sucky suck suck. It has no redeeming features at all.

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Well, ok. I can see how I could have phrased that better.

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Originally posted by Malin:
I actually felt a moment of determined (and slightly painful) energy as I forced myself over the last railway bridge. I think I might have had my first endorphin

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"When Jerry Falwell passes away he will be greeted in Heaven by a representative of God who was a Black, Liberal, Lesbian Woman. When I pass away I'll be greeted in Heaven by Jerry Falwell."

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for ol' Jerry
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
by Charles Read:


some Christians seem to think insensitivity is a gift of the Spirit.
 

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Posted by mirrizin (# 11014) on :
 
From kentishmaid on the It's only funny to a ________ thread:

quote:

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My favourite (quite well known) theology joke:

And Jesus said unto them, "And whom do you say that I am?"

They replied, "You are the eschatological manifestation of the ground of our being, the ontological foundation of the context of our very selfhood revealed."

And Jesus replied, "What?"

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Well, it's a new joke to me!
 

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Posted by Jahlove (# 10290) on :
 
From the cafe (posted with permission). Discussing the death of Jerry Falwell, Doublethink asks:

"Was he the shock jock type comedian with the top hat?"
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Sometimes someone says something of such pure wisdom that you can do nothing but stand in awe. Brava, Duchess:

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So all I can say is that the tone is set with the hosts. Kind of like if you will, working for a Japanese company is different working for a Finnish one except they both love being naked in the sauna.

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Articles, schmarticles! Bishops' a*ses were not ordained of Christ to be kicked, but we shouldn't let that get in the way of a little footie practice now and then. (I'm wearing my JDAKB bracelet: "Jesus Didn't Always Know Best".)

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Is there a Jesus version of Godwin's Law? There should be.

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quote:

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Is there a Jesus Version of Godwin’s Law? If not, there should be.

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Kindly demonstrate the sleight of hand, changing facts on the ground and subversive tactics or go into the kitchen, put on the kettle and pour yourself a nice hot mug of shut the fuck up.

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Originally posted by mirrizin:
It always creeps me out a little when people take me seriously.

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The saints sing in chorus. The heretics sing out of tune. When we try to get the saints to sing a different tune, we disrupt the divine symphony.

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I think some folk believe that their "immortal souls" rest on this little interpretation of scripture that someone passed onto them, and so they're terrified of losing it. Any questioning of "the doctrine" (often delivered in Chick Tract style) may endanger their immortal happiness, so they fend off any and all questions. When a pastor allows his authority to rest solely on this reading of scripture, it gets even more psychologically complicated, and harder to root out.

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Surely there should be a few lines like "Your enemy, the Devil, is like a prowling Spinosaurus, with the big teeth and fearsome roar like this GRRRRRRRRRRAAAAARRRGGHHH"

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Posted by comet (# 10353) on :
 
the latest whole page of that thread is hysterical, IMO.
 

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Posted by infinite_monkey (# 11333) on :
 
MouseThief weighs in on the limerick quality control thread on the Styx:

quote:

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There once was a thread on the Ship
Where limerick writing was hip
But it sucked when the verse
Got increasingly worse
Till the poems submitted weren't really, in any true sense of the word, limericks at all.

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quote:

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In my opinion, where Christianity has gone off the rails is when it's made a distinction between thought and action. I would really have a problem institutionalizing that sort of divide here.

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*Nicely? Did I just say "Erin" and "nicely" in the same sentence?
 

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Posted by comet (# 10353) on :
 
Gareth, discussing the Ship (as part of a larger conversation) on the Unspoken Rules thread in Purg:

quote:

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I've always found the place to be characterised by iconoclastic scepticism, even when directed to one's own most cherished beliefs.

After all, what happens to Shipmates who treat their own beliefs as unquestionable? There is no 'universal truth' here.

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...What a waste of time: irony plainly sails over your head. It's probably gone on a futile hunt for your misplaced logic.

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No! No! Stop! My sides can't take much more!

quote:

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Originally posted by Sioni Sais:
...Getting quoted on this thread goes a long way to being recognised as an Innie.

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quote:

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I feel self-satisfied as a Siamese cat after an orgasm.

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Originally posted by Sine Nomine:

quote:

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Originally posted by PhilA:
Can I please be an innie?

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Why yes, certainly you may.

If your real life is so dismal that you prefer spend most of your time online racking-up a huge post count, go right ahead. Virtual status is better than no status at all I suppose.

Of course a quick trip through the shipmate’s gallery and some of the support threads in All Saints reminds one that in the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king.

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quote:

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I hope you drown in a bucket of apostrophes.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Arrietty:
[qb] If you think you're in and say you're in, you're out.

If you think you're out but try to cover it up by saying you're in, you're out.

If you think you're in but say you're out so people won't think you think you're in, you're out.

If you say you're out and proud of it, you think out is the new in, so you think you are in, so you're out.

If outies think you're in and you try to pretend you're not in, you're out.

In or out, if you're on this thread you're a loser anyway so who cares whether you're in or out?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Josephine:

quote:

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Originally posted by Po:

quote:

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Have you ever expressed love to someone—say, a child—with a ritual involving tiny bits of food and drink, background music, and a liturgy delivered in a somewhat theatrical voice? Or would that constitute child abuse?

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I gather you haven't participated in many teddy bear tea parties, have you?

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Posted by PeteCanada (# 10422) on :
 
They're discussing the masturbation in Hell.

Anyway, if response to a question:

What if they're single?

Brother Polycarp a newbie replied (doubtless following the Anglican Primatial thread):

That would be same-sex union

No further comment needed, I trust!

[ 24. June 2007, 15:12: Message edited by: PeteCanada ]
 

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Posted by Barnabas62 (# 9110) on :
 
A RooK "special", rather a long one, but special anyway, from the innies and outies thread (Kelly Alves, you are so right about that thread.)

quote:

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There are people who use sarcasm in the same way that Degas used pencil - a deft touch of insight and genius belying truth so poignant that even the pain of accepting its barb is pleasurable. These people have every clique clamouring to admit them, if not for direct appreciation then at least for fear of being outclassed en-masse.

Then there are people who think that they're being sarcastic, but really they understand the idiom about as well as a drunken hippopotamus in high heels can tap dance. These people aren't just usually "out", they are a convincing argument about why exclusion should happen at all.

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quote:

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Ah, there speaks someone who has a civilised workplace. I have some friends in evil London law firms who would consider 20 to 25 minutes more as a career break than a lunch break.

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quote:

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Out of interest, how do you manage to balance quite so many chips on your shoulders, matey?

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quote:

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Mudfrog:
I think I've had enough now. I hate churches together. I hate the worthies and luvvies that come to the committee meetings and have no concept of what the people in the pews think.

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Karl: Liberal Backslider:
Well, look at it this way. God's given you some enemies to love and pray for as Jesus commanded.

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Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :
 
My first post to this thread!

I'd like to contribute this from Custard.:

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To nearly quote Dr Strangelove - the whole point of nuclear weapons is lost if you don't tell people about them.

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I put the T in TULIP.

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It's good to be armed with the truth, no doubt. Too bad so many brethren tend to shoot themselves in the foot with it.

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Originally posted by Anselmina:

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Originally posted by Amos:

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Originally posted by Chorister:


And don't be too spooked when the vicar announces 'there are three people in this marriage' - it's what they all say.

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Not me! That's crass.

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Yeah, when everyone knows it's five. Rook, his beloved, and the Holy Trinity. But they could stay in the Granny flat.

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If that bus to the next parish leaves and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of the church calendar.

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If Voldemort ever finds out that Snape has not only been working for Dumbledore but has protected Harry on a number of occasions, he's going to be, well, like, totally wroth.

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Originally posted by Amazing Grace:

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Originally posted by Trin:
While we're at it, you're also a snobby elitist if your signature or profile contains:

- latin
- a quote from a shakespeare (or similar)
- something copied and pasted to prove that you once exchanged banter with a high profile shipmate.

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Hmmm, I have a sudden desire to mosey on over to the Question Thread and ask if anyone can translate "Blow me, chickeybabe" into Latin.

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Probably no sooner had Jesus spoken most of his words intended for comfort, there were already people processing out the loopholes to further Mankind's endless I'm Better Than You contest.

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When I read Jungel I find myself wondering what I might get for tea tonight, and whose birthday comes next in our family: my mind skates off the page like a plastic knife off polished granite.

So I reckon he must be pretty good.

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Originally posted by comet:
I love Kelly.

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Probably no sooner had Jesus spoken most of his words intended for comfort, there were already people processing out the loopholes to further Mankind's endless I'm Better Than You contest.

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from the Purgatory accountability thread.

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Right back atcha, babe.

Also, you're the first person to quote me (other than myself) in a long, long time.
 

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Posted by OliviaG (# 9881) on :
 
From the Christianity/bondage thread in Purg:

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Originally posted by Real Ale Methodist:
God is Present, Sex is divine: but that does not mean I turn to my partner and say "This reminds me of one of Chrysostom's homilies".

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You all stand there and whine about the sky being green despite the whole fucking world saying, "look! see my sweater? that's blue. see how the sky is? that's blue too." and then you freaks say, "yeah, but my point is that the sky is green, not your sweater!"

it's like talking to a fucking magic 8 ball.

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Sheer class.
 

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Posted by comet (# 10353) on :
 
gosh, Thanks, dw!

Mirrizin in Hell, on the salvation by faith/works neverending thing:

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Though if you link that theology to eternal damnation you make God out to be an incredible meanie.

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Originally posted by Gort:

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Originally posted by Davy Wavy Morrison:
I'm so thankful saccharine cliches are not banned...

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Barnacles aren't either. But every so often they have to be scraped off when the ship begins to lose headway.

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Originally posted by Ian Climacus:
And people wonder why I'm often quiet about my Christianity: no shame of Christ; shame of fellow Christians who are nutters.

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Originally posted by comet:
Never underestimate the ability of our fellow Shipmates to make a ten course meal out of crackers and cheese whiz.

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[ 25. July 2007, 03:35: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
 

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Posted by comet (# 10353) on :
 
dang you're fast!
 

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Posted by dogwonderer (# 12169) on :
 
Jimmy B:

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Well I had lunch at a classy restaurant while surrounded by beautiful women discussing ladies' fashion, specifically dresses with wrap around look top bits and the price of Louis Vuitton handbags. As I am a gentleman and a skilled conversationalist, I was able to contribute to the discussion... "Yes. I think that look is very flattering on some ladies" [Thought bubble: Orrr, fuckyeah! That looks so totally hot! More girlies should take the puppies out for a walk!]

I may have to write a book... The gay boyfriend in wolf's clothing or, How to pull Sheilas by feigning disinterest.

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Outstanding.

x100
 

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Posted by Barnabas62 (# 9110) on :
 

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Originally posted by comet:
dang you're fast!

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Kelly beat me to it by a short head. You're showering sparks these days, which I reckon must be normal for a comet.
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
I wanted to beat the stampede of folk I knew wanted to quote that.
 

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Posted by MouseThief (# 953) on :
 

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Originally posted by Gort in Hell:

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Originally posted by Davy Wavy Morrison:
Sex? What's that?

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If you have to ask, you're not mature enough for it. Go play with your biblical action figures.

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Originally posted by starbelly:
I tried watching Borat last night, but gave up after 40 minutes as it failed to raise a smile even once.

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Also just watched "World Trade Center" and actually laughed more than any other emotion, I must be a heartless bastard...

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Neil, you are a special, special man.
 

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Posted by Jack the Lass (# 3415) on :
 
Trudy demonstrating outstanding modesty with a single comma:

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Trudy, Scrumptious Purgatory Host

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Posted by dolphy (# 862) on :
 

 

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Posted by To The Pain (# 12235) on :
 
On the neice-kicking thread, lots of people appreciated this from ken;

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Heaven isn't always nice. Once there was a war in heaven. And someone got cast out.

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Even no-balls are usually outside off stump, or even leg stump, going towards silly leg or leg slip, which means bodyline is being applied...

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Originally posted by ken:
So (in a Christian context) "cult" has overtones of a church that has replaced God with something else.

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In my anecdotal experience the replacement item can be the bible. I'll leave the horses unexhumed but I'm beginning to believe 'the love of certainty is a root of evil'.

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