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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: What your spellchecker thinks you should be saying
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churchgeek
Have candles, will pray
# 5557
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Posted
Whether you have auto-correct or just a spell-checker offering suggestions, sometimes the results are humorous. Share them here so we can all laugh with you!
Just now in Keryg, my spell checker (in Firefox) thought "midrash" should either be "mid-rash" or "mishmash."
Rather insulting to the Rabbis, who may or may not have had rashes for an equal duration before and after they wrote their "nonsense". ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
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I reserve the right to change my mind.
My article on the Virgin of Vladimir
Posts: 7773 | From: Detroit | Registered: Feb 2004
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
Many years ago, when personal computers and their software were much more primative, my spellchecker wanted to replace "Bach" with "bitch."
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
...and probably would have replaced "primative" with primitive"!
![[Hot and Hormonal]](icon_redface.gif)
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Steve H
Shipmate
# 17102
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Posted
You get similarly amusing results with the computer-generated subtitles on TV, which you can see on the big screen in any Wetherspoon's pub. One, reported in the press a while ago, was "The Arch Bitch of Canterbury".
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Hold to Christ, and for the rest, be totally uncommitted.
Herbert Butterfield.
Posts: 439 | From: Hemel Hempstead, Herts | Registered: May 2012
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Lothlorien
Ship's Grandma
# 4927
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Posted
I sent an SMS to one son re binoculars for one of his children. I didn't check message and received a puzzled reply saying "Bionic???"
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Buy a bale. Help our Aussie rural communities and farmers. Another great cause needing support The High Country Patrol.
Posts: 9745 | From: girt by sea | Registered: Aug 2003
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BessLane
Shipmate
# 15176
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Posted
I learned quickly that my current phone wants to use "Tom" instead of "too". So when i text my husband "I love you too" I always make sure to double check before sending. His name is NOT Tom ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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It's all on me and I won't tell it.
formerly BessHiggs
Posts: 1388 | From: Yorkville, TN | Registered: Sep 2009
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
The iPad had me leaving, instead of weeds, weddings to rot in a bucket.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Moo
Ship's tough old bird
# 107
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Steve H:
You get similarly amusing results with the computer-generated subtitles on TV, which you can see on the big screen in any Wetherspoon's pub. One, reported in the press a while ago, was "The Arch Bitch of Canterbury".
You also get them with the closed captioning on many internet videos.
Moo
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Kerygmania host
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See you later, alligator.
Posts: 20365 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001
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churchgeek
Have candles, will pray
# 5557
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Posted
I see a lot of those "auto-correct" images online, and I always wonder if they're fakes. I don't have a cell phone at all, much less a "smart" one, but I can't imagine why it should try to replace a perfectly valid word with a different one.
Do people really find that sort of thing happening often?
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I reserve the right to change my mind.
My article on the Virgin of Vladimir
Posts: 7773 | From: Detroit | Registered: Feb 2004
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angelfish
Shipmate
# 8884
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Posted
I have an overweight friend called Heather, and unfortunately my phone's predictive text changed her name to Heavier. No, i didn't read it before i sent it.
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"As God is my witness, I WILL kick Bishop Brennan up the arse!"
Posts: 1017 | From: England | Registered: Dec 2004
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Miffy
Ship's elephant
# 1438
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
Many years ago, when personal computers and their software were much more primative, my spellchecker wanted to replace "Bach" with "bitch."
Reminds me of my church newsletter editing days, when the spellchecker tried to change the name of a certain visiting VIP to "Lord Raunchie!"
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"I don't feel like smiling." "You're English dear; fake it!" (Colin Firth "Easy Virtue")
Growing Greenpatches
Posts: 4739 | From: The Kitchen | Registered: Oct 2001
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Drifting Star
Drifting against the wind
# 12799
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by churchgeek:
I see a lot of those "auto-correct" images online, and I always wonder if they're fakes. I don't have a cell phone at all, much less a "smart" one, but I can't imagine why it should try to replace a perfectly valid word with a different one.
Do people really find that sort of thing happening often?
Yes - really. I don't ever use auto-correct systems, but predictive texting can save a lot of time. You do have to concentrate on what you're seeing though. I don't often text, and when I do my phone looks at previous usage and always suggests that the word 'have' should be followed by the word 'chocolate'.
That's something that doesn't get mentioned on the outrageous (supposed) examples that do the rounds of the internet - most predictive texting is based on the previous usage of the phone owner...
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The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Heraclitus
Posts: 3126 | From: A thin place. | Registered: Jul 2007
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tessaB
Shipmate
# 8533
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Posted
But when I sign off on texts to my children my phone always wants me to say 'love nun'. In what parallel universe is nun a more common word than mum? Maybe I should try mom? No, just couldn't do it.
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tessaB
eating chocolate to the glory of God
Holiday cottage near Rye
Posts: 1068 | From: U.K. | Registered: Sep 2004
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Antisocial Alto
Shipmate
# 13810
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Posted
My Android phone has Swype typing where you just swipe your finger across the screen to each letter of your word in turn, and it figures out which word you're trying to type. If it can't guess, it suggests several alternatives from its dictionary. When I tried to type "you" it suggested "Yid". WHAT.
Posts: 601 | From: United States | Registered: Jun 2008
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Steve H
Shipmate
# 17102
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Posted
I once had a mobile which did predictive texting in a number of different languages. I had great fun switching it to French or Italian, typing in a well-known poem, and accepting all its suggestions. Mind you, it was pretty bizarre in 'English' mode, as well.
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Hold to Christ, and for the rest, be totally uncommitted.
Herbert Butterfield.
Posts: 439 | From: Hemel Hempstead, Herts | Registered: May 2012
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WhyNotSmile
Shipmate
# 14126
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by tessaB:
But when I sign off on texts to my children my phone always wants me to say 'love nun'. In what parallel universe is nun a more common word than mum? Maybe I should try mom? No, just couldn't do it.
Mine does this too! The other word it doesn't like is "card", which requires me to cycle through at least 5 other words, including "barf" and "bard", before it's suggested.
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Come visit:
http://why-not-smile.blogspot.com
- you're always glad you came
Posts: 528 | From: Belfast | Registered: Sep 2008
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Lothiriel
Shipmate
# 15561
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Posted
A number of years ago, I was writing the new members' column for our church newsletter. A new family had an unusual last name ending in "-ard". My spellchecker thought that this family should be called "the Dullards".
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If you want to build a ship, don't drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea. St-Exupery
my blog
Posts: 538 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Mar 2010
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WhyNotSmile
Shipmate
# 14126
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Posted
I have a client who seems to be a very bad speller; and too lazy to proof read. Last week we got an email from him saying:
quote:
Look at [website] on of there edemas will be enough I know you don't have the program
We still haven't figured it out.
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Come visit:
http://why-not-smile.blogspot.com
- you're always glad you came
Posts: 528 | From: Belfast | Registered: Sep 2008
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by WhyNotSmile:
I have a client who seems to be a very bad speller; and too lazy to proof read. Last week we got an email from him saying:
quote:
Look at [website] on of there edemas will be enough I know you don't have the program
We still haven't figured it out.
One of their demos?
But I like edemas better. (And it could have been enemas!)
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Offeiriad
Ship's Arboriculturalist
# 14031
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Posted
Ceefax once reported a fire at Trago Mills, but actually wrote Tragic Mills, the shop there was ever thereafter known as 'Tragics'.
Older spellcheckers used to offer startling alternatives to 'sexagesima'....
Posts: 1426 | From: La France profonde | Registered: Aug 2008
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mrs whibley
Shipmate
# 4798
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Posted
A early version of MS Word (for DOS, natch) used to replace my real name with 'chirpiness' - which was quite sweet!
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I long for a faith that is gloriously treacherous - Mike Yaconelli
Posts: 942 | From: North Lincolnshire | Registered: Aug 2003
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Adeodatus
Shipmate
# 4992
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Posted
A friend of mine used to swear his spellchecker kept wanting to change "the Venerable Bede" to "the Venereal Bed".
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"What is broken, repair with gold."
Posts: 9779 | From: Manchester | Registered: Sep 2003
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WhyNotSmile
Shipmate
# 14126
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
quote:
Originally posted by WhyNotSmile:
I have a client who seems to be a very bad speller; and too lazy to proof read. Last week we got an email from him saying:
quote:
Look at [website] on of there edemas will be enough I know you don't have the program
We still haven't figured it out.
One of their demos?
But I like edemas better. (And it could have been enemas!)
Demos! Yes! I like edemas better too, though. And I wonder how badly you have to mis-spell 'demos' to make the computer think the most likely word is 'edemas'.
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Come visit:
http://why-not-smile.blogspot.com
- you're always glad you came
Posts: 528 | From: Belfast | Registered: Sep 2008
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Beethoven
Ship's deaf genius
# 114
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Posted
My smartphone is apparently clever enough to learn new words if I use them frequently enough. Sadly, my typing on it is so bad that it now corrects 'tge' to 'Tge' rather than 'the' ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
Predictive text on my previous phone offered its selections in alphabetical order, which I didn't realise at first. This meant I'm likely to have texted our babysitter to cancel a regular arrangement on the grounds that 'Mr B is good tonight' rather than 'home'
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Who wants to be a rock anyway?
toujours gai!
Posts: 1309 | From: Here (and occasionally there) | Registered: May 2001
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Sandemaniac
Shipmate
# 12829
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Posted
As ever when this topic surfaces, I cite the spellchecker that tried to substitute labia for Latvia...
AG
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"It becomes soon pleasantly apparent that change-ringing is by no means merely an excuse for beer" Charles Dickens gets it wrong, 1869
Posts: 3574 | From: The wardrobe of my soul | Registered: Jul 2007
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Matt Black
Shipmate
# 2210
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Posted
One of the classics I got from a friend of mine was "I managed to kill her - on our first date too!"
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"Protestant and Reformed, according to the Tradition of the ancient Catholic Church" - + John Cosin (1594-1672)
Posts: 14304 | From: Hampshire, UK | Registered: Jan 2002
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Robert Armin
All licens'd fool
# 182
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Posted
In a recent piece of Coursework a student informed me that Romeo and Juliet contained "dramatic ironing". Now that's a production I'd like to see.
(My phone also prefers "nun" to "mum". Mine's a Samsung - is that the same for the rest of you?)
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Keeping fit was an obsession with Fr Moity .... He did chin ups in the vestry, calisthenics in the pulpit, and had developed a series of Tai-Chi exercises to correspond with ritual movements of the Mass. The Antipope Robert Rankin
Posts: 8927 | From: In the pack | Registered: May 2001
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Robert Armin:
In a recent piece of Coursework a student informed me that Romeo and Juliet contained "dramatic ironing"
Romeo was pressing his suit?
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Eutychus
From the edge
# 3081
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Posted
I have to look out for this the most with Dragon voice-to-text software. Sometimes it seems to act like a Delphic oracle. In one memorable instance it supplied "incompetent management" for "innovative management".
The problem is that all the words it provides are real ones, so they aren't caught by a spell-checker. I'm not sure my clients would appreciate the oracle's insights though, so I have to proofread extra carefully.
In other news, try as I might I can't get my smartphone to stop auto-correcting il ("it", or "he") in French to "I'll". This leads to frequent Knights-of-Ni moments when texting ("don't type that word!")
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Let's remember that we are to build the Kingdom of God, not drive people away - pastor Frank Pomeroy
Posts: 17944 | From: 528491 | Registered: Jul 2002
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Celtic Knotweed
Shipmate
# 13008
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Robert Armin:
(My phone also prefers "nun" to "mum". Mine's a Samsung - is that the same for the rest of you?)
Mine's a Nokia, and has the same annoying habit. Sometimes it's simpler to just turn predictive off for 2 or 3 words (shortcut key in 1 corner cycles through all the options quickly).
Must mention the spellchecker that my brother and I had problems with. Both writing reports (and his dissertation) for our respective MSc's, and it insisted that 'boreholes' ought to be 'brothels'... Thankfully we both switch autocorrect off for important work. *looks for a relieved smiley*
[ 28. May 2012, 19:01: Message edited by: Celtic Knotweed ]
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My little sister is riding 100k round London at night to raise money for cancer research donations here if you feel so inclined.
Posts: 664 | From: between keyboard and chair | Registered: Sep 2007
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Yangtze
Shipmate
# 4965
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Posted
Mine always trys to autocorrect "its" to "it's". Most infuriating
Maybe autocorrect is to blame for the rise in the grocer's apostrophe.
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Arthur & Henry Ethical Shirts for Men
organic cotton, fair trade cotton, linen
Sometimes I wonder What's for Afters?
Posts: 2022 | From: the smallest town in England | Registered: Sep 2003
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ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460
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Posted
I gave up years ago and always write "its" now. Life's too short to bother about upsetting authoritarian schoolteachers.
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Ken
L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.
Posts: 39579 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2002
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Albertus
Shipmate
# 13356
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Posted
It's perfectly easy to put the apostrophe in its proper place.
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My beard is a testament to my masculinity and virility, and demonstrates that I am a real man. Trouble is, bits of quiche sometimes get caught in it.
Posts: 6498 | From: Y Sowth | Registered: Jan 2008
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Moo
Ship's tough old bird
# 107
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Posted
I have spellchecker but not autocorrect. That would drive me nuts, especially since my spellchecker thinks that the name of the town where I live is not an acceptable word.
Moo
[ 29. May 2012, 11:33: Message edited by: Moo ]
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Kerygmania host
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See you later, alligator.
Posts: 20365 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001
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Yangtze
Shipmate
# 4965
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by ken:
I gave up years ago and always write "its" now. Life's too short to bother about upsetting authoritarian schoolteachers.
Well my phone would annoy you then with its instistance on it's.
[tangent]Personally I find the apostrophe useful in making meaning clear in both reading and writing and nothing to do with authoritarian schoolteachers at all. [/tangent]
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Arthur & Henry Ethical Shirts for Men
organic cotton, fair trade cotton, linen
Sometimes I wonder What's for Afters?
Posts: 2022 | From: the smallest town in England | Registered: Sep 2003
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Galloping Granny
Shipmate
# 13814
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Posted
My software simply underlines words to indicate that it would prefer US spelling. And ignores something like 'wold' when I meant to write 'would'.
But when I tried to use the spelling/style function when I was doing the church newsletter, it objected to the word 'service', insisting that the word 'serve' was preferable. If I'd written that communicants came forward to be serviced it wold have had a point...
(See what I mean there?)
GG
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The Kingdom of Heaven is spread upon the earth, and men do not see it. Gospel of Thomas, 113
Posts: 2629 | From: Matarangi | Registered: Jun 2008
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Matt Black
Shipmate
# 2210
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Eutychus:
I have to look out for this the most with Dragon voice-to-text software. Sometimes it seems to act like a Delphic oracle. In one memorable instance it supplied "incompetent management" for "innovative management".
Ah, Dragon! Very good at coverting ':' into 'cola'!
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"Protestant and Reformed, according to the Tradition of the ancient Catholic Church" - + John Cosin (1594-1672)
Posts: 14304 | From: Hampshire, UK | Registered: Jan 2002
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
Apparently my husband is going to be singing a work by a Norwegian/American composter. An earthy little number, obviously.
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
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Posted
The spellchecker in Dreamweaver, which we use to edit the MW reports, regularly wants to change negative contractions to their positive root, e.g. can't > can; didn't > did; wouldn't > would; etc.
It also wants to change Reckondwythe to recondite. I've often been accused of being that.
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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
I wish I knew how to switch the bloody spell-check off: I prefer to spell words correctly (British usage) and it "corrects" it!
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
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Posted
What application? In most you should be able to switch the dictionary from American English to British English, if you really want to keep up the illusion.
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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
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rhflan
Shipmate
# 17092
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Posted
My iPhone used to try to change 'Em' (my wife's name) to 'Wm' (which I guess is supposed to be short for William or something).
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www.twitter.com/rhflan
Posts: 135 | Registered: May 2012
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Imaginary Friend
Real to you
# 186
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sir Kevin:
I prefer to spell words correctly (British usage) and it "corrects" it!
I'm not sure that British English is definitively correct these days. But what is undoubtedly true is that anyone who wishes to pass themselves off as being from the Home Countries should demonstrate a good working knowledge of the laws and orthodoxy of cricket. Without that you are truly on a sticky wicket.
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"We had a good team on paper. Unfortunately, the game was played on grass."
Brian Clough
Posts: 9455 | From: Left a bit... Right a bit... | Registered: May 2001
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balaam
Making an ass of myself
# 4543
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Posted
King Cnut. I don't think there is a spellchecker on the planet gets that one.
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Last ever sig ...
blog
Posts: 9049 | From: Hen Ogledd | Registered: May 2003
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jedijudy
Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333
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Posted
Welcome longing! I have tears in my eyes from laughing at that site! (Spent WAY too much time there!)
jedijudy
One of the welcoming Heaven Hosts
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Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.
Posts: 18017 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001
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Liberty
ship's football fanatic
# 713
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Posted
Thanks longing.
Now I have something to do (between soccer games) in the next few weeks. That site is so funny.
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"I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt, undoubtedly"
Posts: 1879 | From: SW2 to 20009 | Registered: Jul 2001
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
I've turned off autocorrect after too many embarrassing moments. a few good ones from memory:
"I'll be right over after I lick up Heather"
"We need to talk about Fergus of God" (meant to be the play Agnes of God)
(from my son) "I'm hanging out at Mickey Mouse" (meant to be Mikhail's house)
and my worst - I'm sorta kinda affiliated with a band called Denali Cooks. Autocorrect will suggest words you have used often in the past. so, I once posted from my phone on Facebook that I was "off to see the Denial Cocksuckers again!"
I deleted it quick but not before the drummer saw it. He now calls himself cocksucker#4.
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by comet:
I deleted it quick but not before the drummer saw it. He now calls himself cocksucker#4.
I like him.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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