homepage
  roll on christmas  
click here to find out more about ship of fools click here to sign up for the ship of fools newsletter click here to support ship of fools
community the mystery worshipper gadgets for god caption competition foolishness features ship stuff
discussion boards live chat cafe avatars frequently-asked questions the ten commandments gallery private boards register for the boards
 
Ship of Fools


Post new thread  Post a reply
My profile login | | Directory | Search | FAQs | Board home
   - Printer-friendly view Next oldest thread   Next newest thread
» Ship of Fools   »   » Oblivion   » The Eurovision Song Contest 2014 (Page 1)

 - Email this page to a friend or enemy.  
Pages in this thread: 1  2  3  4 
 
Source: (consider it) Thread: The Eurovision Song Contest 2014
balaam

Making an ass of myself
# 4543

 - Posted      Profile for balaam   Author's homepage   Email balaam   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
It is that time of year again, the celebration of all that is good, bad, cheesy and camp about European music. But who will win? And will the different political voting factions cancel each other out or will the Scandenavian, Baltic or Bakan factions win again?

Can I start by saying this:

I LOVE DENMARK

A song with every cliché of a Eurovision song in it called Cliché Love song. It does not get better than this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fn8DzOcpQas

Of course it won't win, nothing that is fun ever does. But it is what makes the show great. I wonder what Graham Norton will make of it?

[ 05. May 2014, 11:01: Message edited by: balaam ]

--------------------
Last ever sig ...

blog

Posts: 9049 | From: Hen Ogledd | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Ian Climacus

Liturgical Slattern
# 944

 - Posted      Profile for Ian Climacus     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Denmark stood out for me too as a possible favourite...

Latvia and Belarus seem to have gone for food themes.

And we have an Aussie there, not representing a country as a few have done, but as part of the Semi-Final 2 entertainment: hurrah for Jessica Mauboy.

[ 05. May 2014, 12:34: Message edited by: Ian Climacus ]

Posts: 7800 | From: On the border | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Horseman Bree
Shipmate
# 5290

 - Posted      Profile for Horseman Bree   Email Horseman Bree   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I've only scanned the short clips of the entries via YouTube, but there wasn't anything there that seemed to be interesting. A lot of emotional face-twisting (although I couldn't tell what the emotion was about), some interesting sets on the stage and, clearly some probably-very-nice and definitely-talented people - bot no songs that stood out.

Not even the zaniness of other years - the charming if loopy Babushki ladies of 2012, the fresh clean Salvationists from Switzerland or the close-to-insane drummers (and bagpiper) from Bulgaria last year - just a bunch of similar platitudes. Trying too hard, IYSWIM.

--------------------
It's Not That Simple

Posts: 5372 | From: more herring choker than bluenose | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged
Hugal
Shipmate
# 2734

 - Posted      Profile for Hugal   Email Hugal   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I love Latvia. Poland cannot re create the video to their song on stage. Can they?

--------------------
I have never done this trick in these trousers before.

Posts: 1887 | From: london | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged
Alex Cockell

Ship’s penguin
# 7487

 - Posted      Profile for Alex Cockell     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
DAMMIT! Missed it! WIll have to put it on on iPlayer tomorrow..
Posts: 2146 | From: Reading, Berkshire UK | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333

 - Posted      Profile for lilBuddha     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by balaam:


I LOVE DENMARK

I loved the Ugly Duckling interval act. Very Cirque du Soleil in the story telling.

--------------------
I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou

Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged
The Great Gumby

Ship's Brain Surgeon
# 10989

 - Posted      Profile for The Great Gumby   Author's homepage   Email The Great Gumby   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
That was a crying shame. I have no idea how Latvia could go out while the Dutch song went through. I might start a campaign for a special wildcard final place for the most Eurovisiony entry, just to add to the general continental gaiety. Latvia would definitely get in if I had anything to do with it.

(Anyone who missed it last night will have to resort to Google and YouTube to find out more. Beware of earworms!)

--------------------
The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. - Richard Feynman

A letter to my son about death

Posts: 5382 | From: Home for shot clergy spouses | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged
Gill H

Shipmate
# 68

 - Posted      Profile for Gill H     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Poor Latvia. I love that song. In my head it's in a mashup with 'Matchstalk Men and Matchstalk Cats and Dogs'.

--------------------
*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.

- Lyda Rose

Posts: 9313 | From: London | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Curious
Shipmate
# 93

 - Posted      Profile for Curious   Email Curious   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
This year I've remembered to record the Semi-finals so that I can enjoy the FULL weirdness that is Eurovision. Saturday night I'm having a takeaway, a goodly amount of liquid refreshment and a Facebook party!!
Bring it on.
Curious

--------------------
Erin - you are missed more than you could know. Rest in peace and rise in glory - to provide unrest in the heavenly realms.

Posts: 1372 | From: Betwixt and between | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Alex Cockell

Ship’s penguin
# 7487

 - Posted      Profile for Alex Cockell     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by The Great Gumby:
That was a crying shame. I have no idea how Latvia could go out while the Dutch song went through. I might start a campaign for a special wildcard final place for the most Eurovisiony entry, just to add to the general continental gaiety. Latvia would definitely get in if I had anything to do with it.

(Anyone who missed it last night will have to resort to Google and YouTube to find out more. Beware of earworms!)

And if in the UK - iPlayer..
Posts: 2146 | From: Reading, Berkshire UK | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
Frankly My Dear
Shipmate
# 18072

 - Posted      Profile for Frankly My Dear   Email Frankly My Dear   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Does anyone know how one goes about submitting songs for consideration as UK entry (I can't find a link anywhere) - Or is it an industry-closed-shop, not for Joe Public?
Posts: 108 | From: Telford, Shropshire, UK | Registered: Apr 2014  |  IP: Logged
Horseman Bree
Shipmate
# 5290

 - Posted      Profile for Horseman Bree   Email Horseman Bree   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
The semis have (1) 16 entries, and (2) 15 entries, for a total of 31.

But there are 37 entries. Do 6 have some sort of free pass to the final?

--------------------
It's Not That Simple

Posts: 5372 | From: more herring choker than bluenose | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged
Jack the Lass

Ship's airhead
# 3415

 - Posted      Profile for Jack the Lass   Author's homepage   Email Jack the Lass   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Horseman Bree:
The semis have (1) 16 entries, and (2) 15 entries, for a total of 31.

But there are 37 entries. Do 6 have some sort of free pass to the final?

Yes - 5 countries who contribute the bulk of the funding for the ESC (UK, Italy, Germany, France and Spain), plus the host country each year.

--------------------
"My body is a temple - it's big and doesn't move." (Jo Brand)
wiblog blipfoto blog

Posts: 5767 | From: the land of the deep-fried Mars Bar | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
balaam

Making an ass of myself
# 4543

 - Posted      Profile for balaam   Author's homepage   Email balaam   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
A few years back the political voting meant that there was a chance that the countries that provide the funding would not have qualified, so a free pass and semi-finals were brought in.

--------------------
Last ever sig ...

blog

Posts: 9049 | From: Hen Ogledd | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
balaam

Making an ass of myself
# 4543

 - Posted      Profile for balaam   Author's homepage   Email balaam   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Frankly My Dear:
Does anyone know how one goes about submitting songs for consideration as UK entry (I can't find a link anywhere) - Or is it an industry-closed-shop, not for Joe Public?

The oficial version.

--------------------
Last ever sig ...

blog

Posts: 9049 | From: Hen Ogledd | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Frankly My Dear
Shipmate
# 18072

 - Posted      Profile for Frankly My Dear   Email Frankly My Dear   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
"Keep an eye on announcements" ?? What announcements?!
Posts: 108 | From: Telford, Shropshire, UK | Registered: Apr 2014  |  IP: Logged
Robert Armin

All licens'd fool
# 182

 - Posted      Profile for Robert Armin     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Apparently there were boos, and rainbow flags waved, when Russia got through to the final.

--------------------
Keeping fit was an obsession with Fr Moity .... He did chin ups in the vestry, calisthenics in the pulpit, and had developed a series of Tai-Chi exercises to correspond with ritual movements of the Mass. The Antipope Robert Rankin

Posts: 8927 | From: In the pack | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Alex Cockell

Ship’s penguin
# 7487

 - Posted      Profile for Alex Cockell     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
10 mins to air on BBC3...
Posts: 2146 | From: Reading, Berkshire UK | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
balaam

Making an ass of myself
# 4543

 - Posted      Profile for balaam   Author's homepage   Email balaam   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
So the great Eurovision country of Ireland failed to get through. I didn't think it was a turkey this year either.

[ 08. May 2014, 21:12: Message edited by: balaam ]

--------------------
Last ever sig ...

blog

Posts: 9049 | From: Hen Ogledd | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Horseman Bree
Shipmate
# 5290

 - Posted      Profile for Horseman Bree   Email Horseman Bree   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Maybe it was a punishment for sending TWO editions of Jedward (3012, 2013)

--------------------
It's Not That Simple

Posts: 5372 | From: more herring choker than bluenose | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged
lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333

 - Posted      Profile for lilBuddha     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Horseman Bree:
Maybe it was a punishment for sending TWO editions of Jedward (3012, 2013)

3012?!!!!!! Jedward is immortal?! [Ultra confused] The Horror, the Horror...

--------------------
I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou

Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged
lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333

 - Posted      Profile for lilBuddha     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Double post I know, but I wished to comment on Ukraine's entry. Yes the song was meh, but I want their hamster wheel! It looks such fun.

--------------------
I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou

Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged
Rosa Winkel

Saint Anger round my neck
# 11424

 - Posted      Profile for Rosa Winkel   Author's homepage   Email Rosa Winkel   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Someone on Facebook spoke about the Polish song, so I checked it out. There are a few shots there that had me going "ooo". Suggestive is the word. Perhaps only to my mind.

--------------------
The Disability and Jesus "Locked out for Lent" project

Posts: 3271 | From: Wrocław | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged
Horseman Bree
Shipmate
# 5290

 - Posted      Profile for Horseman Bree   Email Horseman Bree   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
quote:
Originally posted by Horseman Bree:
Maybe it was a punishment for sending TWO editions of Jedward (3012, 2013)

3012?!!!!!! Jedward is immortal?! [Ultra confused] The Horror, the Horror...
Watching Jedward two years in a row certainly felt like eternity, but not in a good way!

--------------------
It's Not That Simple

Posts: 5372 | From: more herring choker than bluenose | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged
balaam

Making an ass of myself
# 4543

 - Posted      Profile for balaam   Author's homepage   Email balaam   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
Double post I know, but I wished to comment on Ukraine's entry. Yes the song was meh, but I want their hamster wheel! It looks such fun.

The question is who will pick up the Eastern Blok vote? I'm expecting Ukraine to pick up a lot of votes from this are and Russia very few. Even the gimmick of twins on a see saw with intertwining hair will not be enough.

Watch out for the odd Eastern Blok country that goes against this and votes Russia high and Ukraine low. It might not tell us much about music, but it can be an important lesson in European politics.

Politics in Eurovision voting was what caused Sir Terry to quit IMO, he was sounding angry about it on his last couple of years. There are still conspiracy theorists who think that there is a connection between the UK's invasion of Iraq and the vocal monitors not working for Jemini. My view is that it was a crap song anyway which would not have made the top half even without the politics and if it had been sung in tune.

--------------------
Last ever sig ...

blog

Posts: 9049 | From: Hen Ogledd | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Pomona
Shipmate
# 17175

 - Posted      Profile for Pomona   Email Pomona   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Honestly, I loved Jedward's 2012 entry...

This year me and my best friend (with whom I have an annual Eurovision party complete with themed food and lots of booze) are supporting Austria because Conchita is amazing, so later we will be off to Aldi/Lidl to buy strudel and viennoiserie and other Austrian goodies (which might sometimes end up being Bavarian or Swiss goodies, sorry Austria).

--------------------
Consider the work of God: Who is able to straighten what he has bent? [Ecclesiastes 7:13]

Posts: 5319 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged
Paul.
Shipmate
# 37

 - Posted      Profile for Paul.   Author's homepage   Email Paul.   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Is anyone planning to be in the Cafe, or other online chat room*, whilst watching?

[*I realise that as time goes by the Cafe becomes less and less feasible for more people. [Frown] ]

Posts: 3689 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
balaam

Making an ass of myself
# 4543

 - Posted      Profile for balaam   Author's homepage   Email balaam   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Jade Constable:
Honestly, I loved Jedward's 2012 entry...

This year me and my best friend (with whom I have an annual Eurovision party complete with themed food and lots of booze)

Our Erovision themed food is always based around cheese. It seems apt.

[Errorvision time, I meant Eurovision]

[ 10. May 2014, 11:34: Message edited by: balaam ]

--------------------
Last ever sig ...

blog

Posts: 9049 | From: Hen Ogledd | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Jack the Lass

Ship's airhead
# 3415

 - Posted      Profile for Jack the Lass   Author's homepage   Email Jack the Lass   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by balaam:
The question is who will pick up the Eastern Blok vote? I'm expecting Ukraine to pick up a lot of votes from this are and Russia very few. Even the gimmick of twins on a see saw with intertwining hair will not be enough.

Watch out for the odd Eastern Blok country that goes against this and votes Russia high and Ukraine low. It might not tell us much about music, but it can be an important lesson in European politics

I'm not convinced by this. I think Russia will pick up lots of votes (as usual) from the former Soviet states, regardless of the current situation, simply because all of those countries still have significant populations of ethnic Russians (in Estonia it is 25%, and Latvia nearly 28%, for example). In Ukraine the most recent census puts the ethnic Russian population at nearly 18%, so I would even expect to see Russia get a decent mark from Ukraine. Even if anti-Russian Ukrainians are voting for 'anyone but Russia', the Russians phoning in mainly from the east will be inflating the vote for Russia.

There might well be fewer votes for Russia from the former eastern (as opposed to Soviet) bloc countries (Poland, Romania etc), but I expect those countries which were once part of the Soviet Union to still give Russia a high score.

I think what could be more interesting are the stories emerging from individual countries after the votes are cast (for example, a few years ago Azeris who voted for Armenia were questioned by national security authorities).

--------------------
"My body is a temple - it's big and doesn't move." (Jo Brand)
wiblog blipfoto blog

Posts: 5767 | From: the land of the deep-fried Mars Bar | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Boogie

Boogie on down!
# 13538

 - Posted      Profile for Boogie     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Facebook party - there's an idea!

[Smile]

--------------------
Garden. Room. Walk

Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged
lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333

 - Posted      Profile for lilBuddha     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by balaam:
Erovision

Now we know what you are really watching.

--------------------
I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou

Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged
Gill H

Shipmate
# 68

 - Posted      Profile for Gill H     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
A little late due to illness, but here is my traditional review of the semi-finals:

Eurovision Semi-Final 1


And it’s time to open the wine, set out the snacks and kick off this year’s Eurovision. Our UK hosts Scott Mills and Laura Whitmore start things off with a flashback to last year’s contest in Sweden, where Denmark’s Emelie de Forest was a runaway winner. Or indeed a walkaway winner, as she now appears to be walking back to Denmark. Obviously the transport budget ran out. She’s making her way to ‘Eurovision Island’ which I think would make a great title for a reality show.

Emilie is serenaded by video clips of people from various countries forming a choir to open her song. Finally she storms the stage with a chorus of cute kids, and then we meet our hosts. Last year Sweden bucked the trend by just having one host (and also by having jokes that were actually funny). This year we’re back to tradition on both fronts. We have two men in suits and a woman in a white dress with an enormous pompom on one shoulder. Laura’s voicover described one of the guys as a ‘pianist’. I’m sure that’s what she said.

For their introductory videos this year, each country has been asked to make their flag out of something that describes them as people. Presumably the UK’s flag will consist of equal parts of tea and grumbling about partisan voting. And without more ado, we start with …

--------------------
*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.

- Lyda Rose

Posts: 9313 | From: London | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Gill H

Shipmate
# 68

 - Posted      Profile for Gill H     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Armenia: a chap with the unlikely name of ‘Aram MP3’ who is a favourite with the bookies. Personally I can’t see why. He has a tenuous relationship with the tune, and the song ‘Not Alone’ makes me wish I was. A boring ballad which even pyrotechnics can’t save.

Latvia: this is more like it. An endearingly sweet bunch of hippies who sing a song about not knowing how to bake a cake. Is it a metaphorical plea for international cooperation? Or just the theme tune for the Great Latvian Bake-Off? Whatever, it’s now stuck in my head and I just want to invite them all round for tea.

Estonia: Tanya obviously didn’t heed her dance class instructions to wear something loose and easy to move in. Her uncomfortable looking outfit doesn’t prevent her and her partner from doing jaw-dropping acrobatics all over the stage, and she never misses a note, even when balanced at extraordinary angles.

Sweden: ‘Undo’ is a classic Celtic-tinged power ballad by a lady in a black lace dress. Apart from spotting the first gratuitous key change of the evening, I’m unmoved, but it could do well.

Iceland: the Teletubbies go punk. A bunch of men in brightly coloured suits, who pogo up and down in an attempt to get rid of prejudice. Apparently ‘It’s not trigonometry, inside we’re the same’. Er, no, guys, that’s biology.

We break for a quick 1960s-style travelogue introducing Copenhagen, which is followed by a shot of Jedward in the audience. You could have put up a warning first. But thankfully we head on to…

Albania: more Celtic twiddling, more lace (this time in white) and a lady stood on a big piece of metal singing her heart out. She’s joined by a sneering guitarist trying to make a huge polo-neck look angsty.

Russia: it’s twins! And they aren’t Jedward! Hooray! They are in fact two girls in vaguely classical Greek style outfits, standing back to back on a seesaw with their hair intertwined. The choregrapher has worked overtime as they mirror each other impressively throughout. Near the end a guy comes on and joins together the two halves of a huge paper fan behind them. I’m expecting a magic trick – perhaps he will part it again to reveal an army of clones bent on world domination? But no, the song ends, the girls smile, and that’s about it.

Azerbaijan: yet another girl in a lace dress, this time a red one. She sings some nonsense about starting a fire, but the real star here is the girl on a trapeze who performs impressive acrobatics.

Ukraine: an energetic lady in black who sings ‘Tick tock, can you hear me go tick tock’. The answer is no, because we’re too busy looking at the guy behind you in the enormous hamster wheel. Look out for these in your local gym soon.

Belgium: an anguished ballad called ‘Mother’ from a big guy in a slightly too small suit. His dancer is apparently a famous choreographer and she’s doing a grand job, but she can’t quite distract me from the torture of this number. Not so much Paul Potts, more like Pol Pot.

--------------------
*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.

- Lyda Rose

Posts: 9313 | From: London | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Gill H

Shipmate
# 68

 - Posted      Profile for Gill H     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Moldova: a blonde superheroine straight out of the Thor movies, backed by four energetic Spartan warriors breakdancing around her. Two of them look disconcertingly like Gary Rhodes and Rowan Atkinson, which is a scary thought. But not as scary as the moment the singer rips out her hair extensions. What is it with hair this year?

San Marino: Valentina appears in front of a huge blue fabric shell. Is she representing the birth of Venus, or is she the Little Mermaid in a nod to the host country? The song is a failed Bond theme with an ill-advised spoken bit in the middle. The shell turns from blue to gold, which is a lot more interesting than the dreary wandering song.

Then we have an interview with the much-anticipated Austrian entry, Conchita Wurst. Not the first drag act to enter Eurovision, but probably the first with such an impressive beard. More of Conchita on Thursday, but for now it’s back to …

Portugal: Suzy is one of only two entries sung in a country’s native language tonight. Oh, the others were in English? Sorry, it was hard to tell. That’s a nice dress she’s almost wearing. And yes, most of it is lace. Are we being sponsored by a lace manufacturer this year? Anyway, the song. There’s a Latin beat and some light up drums. Hey, the lambada is back! The singer is a gangly blonde, backed by some dancing boys who’ve evidently been to a lot of Zumba classes lately. There are flags, drums, and fun. About time!

Netherlands: by contrast, we head to new country territory next. The male/female duo gaze nto each other’s eyes and sing a song reminiscent of Lady Antebellum’s ‘Need You Now’. It’s mean and moody, except for when the male singer flirts outrageously with the camera. Oh, an by the way, Sting called. He wants his bassline to ‘Every Breath You Take’ back.

Montenegro: yet more Irish fiddling, but this time it’s a man and he’s not wearing lace. Hooray! He does, however, have a rollerblading lady with him who makes the floor light up as she skates. At one point she hits the floor with her hands and causes it to turn white. Evidently she’s been to see Frozen recently.

Hungary: a sad tale of unhappy childhood, sung by a young chap originally from America. You do wonder what he thinks of tonight’s goings-on. There’s a frantic chorus of ‘running, running, running’ and halfway through the female pianist starts doing acrobatics on the piano, before joining her partner for a contemporary dance fight.

And that’s the last of tonight’s entries. So after a quick recap, we’re shown a version of the Ugly Duckling, told in ballet and featuring sparkly tracksuits. Then there’s some chat and filler, and a preview of the songs which have automatically qualified by dint of being the host country, or by putting in most of the money for the festivities. After that the female host indulges in some unnecessary flirting with Eurovision big boss Jon Ola Sand and his silent companion, who remind me rather of Penn and Teller. And their particular magic act is to announce that the qualifying countries are ready to be revealed. And they are:

Montenegro
Hungary
Russia
Armenia
Azerbaijan
San Marino
Ukraine
Sweden
Netherlands
Iceland

There’s some audible unease at the news that Russia is through. Let’s just hope their dressing room is far enough away from Ukraine’s. And I’m distraught to learn that my lovely Latvians will never learn to bake their cake now. Maybe I should send them Mary Berry’s phone number.

Coming up after the break ... Semi-Final 2.

--------------------
*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.

- Lyda Rose

Posts: 9313 | From: London | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Gill H

Shipmate
# 68

 - Posted      Profile for Gill H     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Eurovision Semi-Final 2

Tonight we begin with a dance called ‘building the stage’. As with last year, it’s probably one of the most inventive things we’ve seen at Eurovision. It mixes a violinist playing ‘Jealousy’ with what looks like Tron – The Ballet. Bonkers but fun.

Our hosts kick off the evening by announcing that Eurovision is a bit like being at a buffet. I suspect that means that some dishes are overcooked, others have gone a bit off, and some should never have left the kitchen – but I digress. Our hosts also explain that tonight you can vote with the most important thing you have. Your mobile. Of course. And tonight, the UK can indeed vote. So we kick things off with:

Malta: the song is called ‘Coming Home’ and is a cheerful folky stomper. Not for the first time, we wonder whether the whole of Europe has been to see the Irish musical ‘Once’ as half of them would fit nicely into the cast. They sing, they smile, it’s upbeat and fun. Nice one.

Israel: back into ‘scary lady’ territory. Angsty dancing, a lady with a very deep voice declaring that ‘We don’t beat with the same heart’ whatever that means. Two dancing girls join her in a failed attempt to recreate a Beyonce video.

Norway: a big chap called Carl singing a piano ballad called ‘Silent Storm’. Very gloomy – I can hear it over the credits of a bleak Nordic crime drama.

Georgia: OK, serious weirdness. The sort of folky prog rock number that should be played at sunrise over Stonehenge after several ciders too many. There’s a frizzy-haired girl in green who takes a while to realise the audience is actually behind her. There’s a parachutist with drums. There are at least three time signatures happening, often at the same time. The song is called ‘Three Minutes to Earth’ but to me it’s more like Three Minutes Too Long.

Poland: believe it or not, this is the toned-down version – in the video they seem to have confused Polish dancing with pole dancing. Girls in vamped-up versions of traditional Polish costumes sing a song which translates as ‘We are Slavic’. It showcases some of the proud traditions of Poland, which apparently include churning butter and doing your washing in a tub. These are energetically demonstrated by a young lady with a very low cut dress. Let’s just say Poland is famous for its delicious dumplings, and move on.

We break for an ill-advised fairytale showing the UK’s own Molly discovering Copenhagen, and then…

Austria: definitely the talk of the competition. Conchita Wurst is actually a drag act, and on days off is actually a bloke called Tom. His gimmick is that alongside the glittery gold dress, perfectly curled hair and grand diva gestures, he also sports an impressive beard. However, this turns out to be far more than a novelty number. The song is a big dramatic Bond theme reminiscent of Shirley Bassey at her brassiest. Conchita can really sing, and has tons of presence. My new favourite.

Lithuania: the song is called ‘Attention’ but it doesn’t grab mine. Another scary woman, this time in a rubber costume with a ballet tutu featuring two huge holes. These come into play half way through when her partner sits down and puts his hands through them, for no apparent reason.

Finland: young lads in silver suits, doing a song called ‘Something Better’. Add your own joke there if you wish. It’s sort of Coldplay meets One Direction, which is a terrifying thought in itself.

Ireland: oh dear, she’s pinched Conchita’s gold dress. There’ll be fights in the dressing room later. Surprisingly this number is less Celtic sounding than half the others on stage tonight, but at least we have some tough-looking male Irish dancers in kilts.

Belarus: this guy fronts a quirky little disco number called ‘Cheesecake’ which is all about how he wants to break up with his girlfriend because she calls him her sweet cheesecake. And yes, it is as ridiculous as it sounds. Some energetic dancing and endearingly bad lyrics (although he’s had to change the reference to Google maps and now sings ‘I look over all the maps trying to escape’ … hmm, quite). I have to admit, this one has moved into my ‘so bad it’s good’ category.

--------------------
*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.

- Lyda Rose

Posts: 9313 | From: London | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Gill H

Shipmate
# 68

 - Posted      Profile for Gill H     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
FYR Macedonia: a lady with her hair all swept to one side, in a smart business suit, is menaced by a hoodie in white who prowls the stage throughout, with no apparent purpose. Next!

Switzerland: he’s called Sebalter and he can whistle. Which he does, frequently. It’s another folky little jig, featuring lyrics like “I am the hunter, you are the prey, I’m gonna eat you up’ delivered with a sweet goofy grin. It ends with a frantic violin solo I’m calling ‘The Devil Went Down To Zurich’ and some more whistling. Rather sweet.

Another break, when we meet the incredibly annoying French entry, Twin Twin. They are three lads who aren’t related at all. Well, it worked for the Thompson Twins I guess. They will be singing a ‘Sexy and I Know It’ style song about wanting a mustache. Go and see Conchita, lads, she’ll sort something out for you. And meanwhile, please stop shouting ‘Oh yeah!’ every thirty seconds. And then we’re back with…

Greece: these guys are called Freaky Fortune featuring Risky Kidd. Risky Kidd is a rapper from Hackney, evidently hoping for free meals in every Greek restaurant near his home. The song is a clubby stomper using traditional Greek horns. You’ll probably hear it if you holiday in Greece this summer, and perhaps it sounds better after an ouzo or several. Their big gimmick is an art deco style trampoline, on which a professional trampolinist does, er, trampoline-y things.

Slovenia: a woman in a blue ball dress playing a flute. She describes herself as ‘The Flute Professor Gone Bad’ and looks like Idina Menzel at a party. The lyrics include the line ‘I’m gonna show you how to breathe’ which is very helpful if you want to learn the flute.

Romania: a woman in a sparkly dress, a man in a military-style suit, and a slick little trick with the video which makes her appear in two places. But the main gimmick is a circular piano which the guy plays at various points. The whole thing is reminiscent of a 1980s magic act, without the actual magic.

And that’s all tonight’s entries. After a quick recap we lurch into a puzzling sketch about Australia. We all know Australia are huge Eurovision fans, and apparently they have long nurtured a dream of entering Eurovision. This is the cue for a sketch lining up every antipodean cliché imaginable – surfers, barbies, lager, etc – and ends with Australian singer Jessica Mauboy singing with an astronaut. Well, of course.

Then our hosts return to tell us they have asked people all round the world to send in videos of themselves dancing, and picked the best to entertain us tonight. These range from an adorable little Irish girl to a Danish granny. Bit of a mess, but I guess they didn’t have much budget left after the Aussie number.

Next there’s a preview of the ‘Big 5’ entries and Denmark’s number, some unnecessary flirting and a technical hitch which means we have to have another recap, even though the lines are closed. Oops.

But finally the results are announced, and the ten qualifiers are:

Switzerland
Slovenia
Poland
Romania
Norway
Greece
Malta
Belarus
Finland
Austria

The surprise of the night is that Ireland haven’t qualified, but all my favourites are in, so I’m happy. And with apologies for thread-hogging, I'll bow out now until after Saturday's final.

--------------------
*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.

- Lyda Rose

Posts: 9313 | From: London | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Alex Cockell

Ship’s penguin
# 7487

 - Posted      Profile for Alex Cockell     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Late Paul:
Is anyone planning to be in the Cafe, or other online chat room*, whilst watching?

[*I realise that as time goes by the Cafe becomes less and less feasible for more people. [Frown] ]

I'm over on Quakenet on their Eurovision IRC channel..
and will be on DS...

Posts: 2146 | From: Reading, Berkshire UK | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
Paul.
Shipmate
# 37

 - Posted      Profile for Paul.   Author's homepage   Email Paul.   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Alex Cockell:
quote:
Originally posted by Late Paul:
Is anyone planning to be in the Cafe, or other online chat room*, whilst watching?

[*I realise that as time goes by the Cafe becomes less and less feasible for more people. [Frown] ]

I'm over on Quakenet on their Eurovision IRC channel..
and will be on DS...

DS?
Posts: 3689 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984

 - Posted      Profile for Doublethink.   Author's homepage     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
What was Molly wearing !?!

--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell

Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
balaam

Making an ass of myself
# 4543

 - Posted      Profile for balaam   Author's homepage   Email balaam   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I can't get in the Cafe . Drat.

--------------------
Last ever sig ...

blog

Posts: 9049 | From: Hen Ogledd | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984

 - Posted      Profile for Doublethink.   Author's homepage     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I wanna wheel.

(We can just use this thread I guess.)

--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell

Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
ThunderBunk

Stone cold idiot
# 15579

 - Posted      Profile for ThunderBunk   Email ThunderBunk   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
If I order a hamster wheel, do I get the accessory as well?

--------------------
Currently mostly furious, and occasionally foolish. Normal service may resume eventually. Or it may not. And remember children, "feiern ist wichtig".

Foolish, potentially deranged witterings

Posts: 2208 | From: Norwich | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged
Jenn.
Shipmate
# 5239

 - Posted      Profile for Jenn.   Email Jenn.   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Your sweet cheesecake?
really?

Posts: 2282 | From: England | Registered: Nov 2003  |  IP: Logged
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984

 - Posted      Profile for Doublethink.   Author's homepage     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by FooloftheShip:
If I order a hamster wheel, do I get the accessory as well?

Beats the standard gym treadmill into a cocked hat I think.

(Belarus were dire & boring.)

The Azerbaijan song is insufficiently cheesy, but they have a woman on a trapeze - I want one of those to go with my wheel - in my eurovision themed bondage dungeon.

--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell

Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
balaam

Making an ass of myself
# 4543

 - Posted      Profile for balaam   Author's homepage   Email balaam   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Doublethink:
What was Molly wearing !?!

I think the collar was pedigree alsatian.

I think there's a guy from ZZ Top backing the Teletubbies.

--------------------
Last ever sig ...

blog

Posts: 9049 | From: Hen Ogledd | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Paul.
Shipmate
# 37

 - Posted      Profile for Paul.   Author's homepage   Email Paul.   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Yay Iceland
Posts: 3689 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
ThunderBunk

Stone cold idiot
# 15579

 - Posted      Profile for ThunderBunk   Email ThunderBunk   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
And does it come with a bubble gum pink suit?

--------------------
Currently mostly furious, and occasionally foolish. Normal service may resume eventually. Or it may not. And remember children, "feiern ist wichtig".

Foolish, potentially deranged witterings

Posts: 2208 | From: Norwich | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984

 - Posted      Profile for Doublethink.   Author's homepage     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Now *this* is proper eurovision - they even started with la la. There is so going to be a club remix. Bet they get top 5 minimum.

Lets hear it for Iceland.

(Also anyone who sends an MP should get a bonus point.)

--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell

Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984

 - Posted      Profile for Doublethink.   Author's homepage     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Norway guy is a bit wet and whiny. Nice tattoo though.

--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell

Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
ThunderBunk

Stone cold idiot
# 15579

 - Posted      Profile for ThunderBunk   Email ThunderBunk   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Doublethink:
quote:
Originally posted by FooloftheShip:
If I order a hamster wheel, do I get the accessory as well?

Beats the standard gym treadmill into a cocked hat I think.

(Belarus were dire & boring.)

The Azerbaijan song is insufficiently cheesy, but they have a woman on a trapeze - I want one of those to go with my wheel - in my eurovision themed bondage dungeon.

I strongly suspect that this dungeon does actually exist. And I also suspect Norway's singer would like to join you

--------------------
Currently mostly furious, and occasionally foolish. Normal service may resume eventually. Or it may not. And remember children, "feiern ist wichtig".

Foolish, potentially deranged witterings

Posts: 2208 | From: Norwich | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged



Pages in this thread: 1  2  3  4 
 
Post new thread  Post a reply Close thread   Feature thread   Move thread   Delete thread Next oldest thread   Next newest thread
 - Printer-friendly view
Go to:

Contact us | Ship of Fools | Privacy statement

© Ship of Fools 2016

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM 6.5.0

 
follow ship of fools on twitter
buy your ship of fools postcards
sip of fools mugs from your favourite nautical website
 
 
  ship of fools