|
Source: (consider it)
|
Thread: 8D - VerseWorks - Renga: Collaborative Poem - or, If You Like Haiku, You'll Love....
|
Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
|
Posted
The description of a Renga. Alternating stanzas of 3 lines/17 syllables with 2 lines, each of 7 syllables. But being Japanese, there's a little bit more to it than that. Let's give it a whirl.
Theme: Summer
Trees stand still
As the courtiers
Of an implacable emperor.
[ 31. August 2014, 23:19: Message edited by: RuthW ]
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
|
Posted
The soft and gentle
rain falls with mild sussuration
upon leaf mold
--------------------
I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
|
Posted
In the dusk of its single day
The crane fly dances
Against the glass.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Chesterbelloc
Tremendous trifler
# 3128
|
Posted
Slowly, in a flesh-warm sigh,
The stone breathes back the sun's loan.
Posts: 4199 | From: Athens Borealis | Registered: Aug 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
|
Posted
honeysuckle scent lingers
and the sweet night-scented stock
--------------------
I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
|
Posted
On the low bending branch
Those are red berries
That once were white flowers.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
Dafyd
Shipmate
# 5549
|
Posted
Around bright orange bonfires
Neighbours gather to watch sparks fall.
--------------------
we remain, thanks to original sin, much in love with talking about, rather than with, one another. Rowan Williams
Posts: 10567 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
|
Posted
We're getting some good stuff here. Let's step it up ever so slightly. One of the features of renga is the subtleties of connection between the verses, which may be by association or contrast, but which always provide a new thought or perception. We have a good example in the berries - crows - jackdaws - sequence above.
I suggest we formalise this by using either the same word from the preceding verse* or something which is the same class of object (bird, flower, time of day etc).
*only the immediately preceding one. Every Renga verse is part of two poems: one formed by pairing it with the verse before, one with the verse after.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
|
Posted
A summer's day ends replete
As silence after laughter.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
|
Posted
A reminder to count those syllables. The fact that you think of a neat phrase and it turns out to be just too long or too short, and you have to rethink and, as Beckett says, Fail better - is precisely the point of the exercise.
The memory of summer
Is quiet as the light
Of sunless days.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
Dafyd
Shipmate
# 5549
|
Posted
Days of summer passed
Away on the stream of time.
All comes to harvest.
[ 30. July 2014, 18:38: Message edited by: Dafyd ]
--------------------
we remain, thanks to original sin, much in love with talking about, rather than with, one another. Rowan Williams
Posts: 10567 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
QLib
Bad Example
# 43
|
Posted
The scythe that sliced the corn stalks
Now rests by the graveyard wall.
--------------------
Tradition is the handing down of the flame, not the worship of the ashes Gustav Mahler.
Posts: 8913 | From: Page 28 | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
StevHep
Shipmate
# 17198
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Firenze:
A reminder to count those syllables. The fact that you think of a neat phrase and it turns out to be just too long or too short, and you have to rethink and, as Beckett says, Fail better - is precisely the point of the exercise.
The memory of summer
Is quiet as the light
Of sunless days.
* Tangent alert
According to the Haiku Syllable Counter the lines
Joy too comes with the dawn.
Eyes shine with reflected light.
Have 7 syllables each
* End of tangent
--------------------
My Blog Catholic Scot
http://catholicscot.blogspot.co.uk/
@stevhep on Twitter
Posts: 241 | From: Exeter | Registered: Jul 2012
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by StevHep:
* Tangent alert
According to the Haiku Syllable Counter the lines
Joy too comes with the dawn.
Eyes shine with reflected light.
Have 7 syllables each
* End of tangent
Good grief, what will they think of next? Anyway, based purely on muttering and counting fingers....
Briefly bright new ivy leaves
Flash like fish in a green stream.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
|
Posted
Thirty six verses make up a renga. So if we can clock another 13, we can award ourselves the Japanese equivalent of knocking off and going to the pub.
Rain-bent montbretia laps
Over the path in a green wave
Edged with flame.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
QLib
Bad Example
# 43
|
Posted
The sun sinks slowly.
Behind the hills, liquid light drains
From the denim sky.
--------------------
Tradition is the handing down of the flame, not the worship of the ashes Gustav Mahler.
Posts: 8913 | From: Page 28 | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
|
Posted
The dusk cloaked downs breathe out
Shedding the burdens of time
[ 03. August 2014, 21:40: Message edited by: Doublethink ]
--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
QLib
Bad Example
# 43
|
Posted
Long-eared bats chase
fluttering moths over the still
so silent barrows.
--------------------
Tradition is the handing down of the flame, not the worship of the ashes Gustav Mahler.
Posts: 8913 | From: Page 28 | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Curiosity killed ...
Ship's Mug
# 11770
|
Posted
Ears twitch, listening intently,
Ladybird creeps up stem: pounce.
(Long-eared bats fascinate me, they can hear insects walking on leaves.)
--------------------
Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat
Posts: 13794 | From: outiside the outer ring road | Registered: Aug 2006
| IP: Logged
|
|
jacobsen
seeker
# 14998
|
Posted
Watch my cats as they too
Crouch, patiently awaiting
A wind-blown leaf.
--------------------
But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.
Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009
| IP: Logged
|
|
QLib
Bad Example
# 43
|
Posted
Petals flutter down. A mouse
Scutters through. A cat pounces.
--------------------
Tradition is the handing down of the flame, not the worship of the ashes Gustav Mahler.
Posts: 8913 | From: Page 28 | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
jacobsen
seeker
# 14998
|
Posted
Night's denizens - owls,cats,bats-
Are on the hunt:
Small furry ones, beware.
--------------------
But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.
Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009
| IP: Logged
|
|
Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
|
Posted
Something hunted in our dreams
But slipped the snare of waking.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
QLib
Bad Example
# 43
|
Posted
Returns, magnified
As, in a darker dreamland,
We become its prey.
(I make that two more to go – and, when we get there, mine's a pint of Guinness and cider.)
--------------------
Tradition is the handing down of the flame, not the worship of the ashes Gustav Mahler.
Posts: 8913 | From: Page 28 | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
jacobsen
seeker
# 14998
|
Posted
Waking is such sweet relief
From dreamland's haunting visions.
--------------------
But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.
Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009
| IP: Logged
|
|
Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
|
Posted
The warm summer night sleeps
To wake on a cool morning
Edged with autumn.
Qlib, it'll be a small sake and a gawp at a chrysanthemum.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
jacobsen
seeker
# 14998
|
Posted
OK we might as well continue with Autumn
Inevitable as the days
Which are drawing in,
The nights draw out.
--------------------
But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.
Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009
| IP: Logged
|
|
Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
|
Posted
Nooooo! We didn't finish with the two lines! Obscure Japanese phantoms will now rise from wells and pursue us!
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
|
Posted
That'll do.
We can either attempt another 36 stanzas, or start another syllabic verse thread - haiku, say, or tanka.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
|
Posted
It might be worth trying something like this, so a thread where someone specifies a form, then communally we try to create one following the rule. Once complete someone else specifies the form, and the process repeats.
--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
jacobsen
seeker
# 14998
|
Posted
The Alouette(French for Skylark) is a stanzaic invented form with an unusual meter. The form is syllabic with a recommended prominent stress in the 3rd syllable of each line. It was created by Jan Turner. The Alouette is:
stanzaic, any number of sixains.
syllabic , 5-5-7-5-5-7 syllables per line with the prominent stress in the 3rd syllable of each line.
rhymed, rhyme scheme aabccb ddeffe gghiih etc.
Month of August by Judi Van Gorder
Begun as month six,
eighth after the fix,
named for Emperor of Rome.
Just thirty-one days, in hot summer haze,
Augustus ascended his throne.
OK? Here's my attempt:
Oh, let not my cat
Sitting on the mat
Scratch my new expensive chair.
If she does, then she
Will no longer be;
Which will leave me half a pair*.
On the other hand
Playing in the sand
She's delightful and so sweet.
I love to stroke her
Soft touchable fur
From head to her furry feet.
*I have two cats
--------------------
But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.
Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009
| IP: Logged
|
|
QLib
Bad Example
# 43
|
Posted
In the soulless dark
You can't hear the lark
That flies, singing loud, on high
For your hate and spite
Both put out the light
And shut you off from the sky.
As to why you so
Chose to sail solo
On that lonely stream of bile,
I can only guess
But nevertheless
Must bemoan a jail so vile.
It's still no too late
Abandon your hate.
You can surely light a spark
One kind word or deed
Is all that you need
To sit no more in the dark.
[I'm not sure about this third syllable business, jacobsen – van Gorder certainly fails to convince in that respect: 'as', '-ter', 'for' ? You do a better job, but I don't think it's a form desigend for English]
--------------------
Tradition is the handing down of the flame, not the worship of the ashes Gustav Mahler.
Posts: 8913 | From: Page 28 | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
|
Posted
We appear to have de-Rengad, so I have started a new thread - to try out experimental forms.
Doublethink
Verseworks Host
--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Thread closed
Printer-friendly view
