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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: What would YOU tell them?
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
As mentioned elsewhere on these boards, the Former Miss S and SiL are expecting their first child - and our first grandchild - in December.
This is a much-wanted baby, they have friends with small/very small children, they have been preparing since before conception - but they realise they don't know what to expect!
If I could phrase it properly, I think I'd warn SiL that he will - albeit temporarily - no longer be the most important person in the world to FMissS.
What words of wisdom would you share with your beloved children?
Mrs. S, who would really like to know ![[Confused]](confused.gif)
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
That the exhaustion WILL pass and normal life will eventually resume!
The exhaustion of baby care is like no other on Earth - nobody can prepare you for it, but reassurance that it isn't permanent helps!
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713
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Posted
There will always be something worth remembering with a smile, even on the longest and most tiring day.
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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"
(Paul Sinha, BBC)
Posts: 24276 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004
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Moo
Ship's tough old bird
# 107
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Posted
Here (scroll down to 'mundus et enfans') is an amusing poem about what a newborn baby is like. You might show it to them.
Moo
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Kerygmania host
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See you later, alligator.
Posts: 20365 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001
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Thyme
Shipmate
# 12360
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Posted
I'd wait till they are the thick of it and crying on your shoulder/asking for advice.
Before then it won't be heard or will be experienced as raining on their parade.
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The Church in its own bubble has become, at best the guardian of the value system of the nation’s grandparents, and at worst a den of religious anoraks defined by defensiveness, esoteric logic and discrimination. Bishop of Buckingham's blog
Posts: 600 | From: Cloud Cuckoo Land | Registered: Feb 2007
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Thyme
Shipmate
# 12360
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
That the exhaustion WILL pass and normal life will eventually resume!
When, Boogie, when? It's been nearly 40 years ![[Two face]](graemlins/scot_twoface.gif)
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The Church in its own bubble has become, at best the guardian of the value system of the nation’s grandparents, and at worst a den of religious anoraks defined by defensiveness, esoteric logic and discrimination. Bishop of Buckingham's blog
Posts: 600 | From: Cloud Cuckoo Land | Registered: Feb 2007
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Jack the Lass
Ship's airhead
# 3415
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Posted
That it's not a competition! It's so very tempting to compare your little one with others of the same age, but they all reach those little milestones at different times (whether that be first teeth, clapping, standing up, crawling, rolling, walking, saying a recognisable word, whatever). Don't be competitive parents - it's not attractive, and your child won't thank you for it!
Remember the phrase "this too will pass". Whatever it is you're worrying about, in normal circumstances give it a few weeks and you'll wonder what the fuss was about (plus it will have been replaced with something else to worry about).
If she's in the UK, the health visitor is there to help. Admittedly some are more helpful than others, but if you don't hear from them for ages the chances are it's because they think you're doing a good job and don't need them, rather than because they're not there for you any more. If you have questions or concerns and there isn't a routine visit coming up, phone and ask for help/advice - it's what they're (we're) there for!
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"My body is a temple - it's big and doesn't move." (Jo Brand)
wiblog blipfoto blog
Posts: 5767 | From: the land of the deep-fried Mars Bar | Registered: Oct 2002
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L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
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Posted
That babies are expensive - but can't tell the difference between brand new sheets and hand-me-downs (same goes for clothes too). That small babies are portable so now is the time to do visiting, if asked.
To continue life in the evenings with the same level of noise as before baby - otherwise you end up with children who wake up at the drop of a hat, which can be tiresome.
That sometimes a stiff G-and-T can make you a better parent.
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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
...That sometimes a stiff G-and-T can make you a better parent.
Quotes file!
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061
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Posted
I agree with L'organist. Soon, too soon, little Meghan will demand designer boots or the very latest [trendy toy here] or insist that nobody but the most utterly uncool would EVER wear this cheap and horrid garment that you are foisting off upon her. Whether the parents can afford [luxury here] is unimportant; the fact is that demands and pickiness will increase exponentially.
And thus the wise parent will, before this stage, be rigorously economical. You will contemplate those leopard-skin-patterned Calvin Klein motorcycle boots with more calm if you can reflect complacently on all those years you dressed little Meghan in hand-me-downs and yard-sale bargains. There are many many years in which they do not care what they wear at all; use them. And there are thousands of parents who do not know this, and are buying new expensive stuff for their kids. Then they sell these things at yard sales or church sales. Be there for them.
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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page
Posts: 6378 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014
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L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
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Posted
I should have added: once they're old enough to understand, start teaching them gratitude - I think 'counting one's blessings' is the old-fashioned term.
How to do it? Well, we approached it by making sure that night-time prayers started off with saying 'thank you' for the everyday things most people take for granted: a roof, food, people who loved us, friends. I know, I know, sounds very winsome and gut-churning, but I promise it can bear fruit: to this day my sons are, compared with their contemporaries, remarkably unmaterialistic.
One last: FORGET THE IRONING. When they're older they won't remember that they wore beautifully ironed clothes, but they'll be a seething ball of resentment that when it was sunny (which was every day during the summer, of course) you never took them to the beach/park/swimming* like everyone else but stayed in.
* delete as applicable.
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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
Thank you all (as ever!) for your kind advice - and they did ask! They know their lives are going to be changed beyond belief, but they aren't quite sure how/to what extent/how permanently, so I'm not worried about upsetting them ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Keep those bons mots coming, people!
Mrs. S - who has almost forgotten what it was REALLY, REALLY like ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
One last: FORGET THE IRONING. When they're older they won't remember that they wore beautifully ironed clothes, but they'll be a seething ball of resentment that when it was sunny (which was every day during the summer, of course) you never took them to the beach/park/swimming* like everyone else but stayed in.
* delete as applicable.
Not just the ironing. There are any number of things that were essential B.C. that just go by the board afterwards, and no one misses them. No one that matters anyway.
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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"
(Paul Sinha, BBC)
Posts: 24276 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004
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Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061
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Posted
Read to the tykes. Pre-natally is not too soon. Play them music. (I balanced a boom box on my knees while I was at my desk, and played Mozart to the baby pre-birth.) All this encourages brain development.
When they are born, start plying them with books. Not Ipads or computer screens, but books. There are squishy ones designed for infant hands. If you surround them with the written word, they teach themselves to read. My daughter taught herself to read before she was 4. It was either Sesame Street or the prenatal Mozart to blame.
The world needs more smart bookish kids.
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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page
Posts: 6378 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
I have no children, but being around friends with small people I have had the opportunity to compare rearing styles - stuff I noticed that seemed good:
- Cots with a drop side and matress at the same height as the parents, allow a breast feeding mother to drop cot side, roll over, feed baby, replace baby, go back to sleep - bottles, moses baskets etc seem to require a lot more waking up.
- You can never have too many washable cloths (for reasons I don't understand these seem to have to be muslin)
- Baby slings can be fitted and chosen properly with the help of a sling consultant - this seems to be worth doing, as if you don't get one that suits you (and your partner) it will be worse, than useless
- Burping a baby over your knee rather than your shoulder means they puke on the floor not down your back (non-carpeted surfaces and oil cloth table covers are good for small people clean ups)
- Laundry is eternal, but I think once you accept that it can be more of a Zen thing
- Don't forget to inform colleagues the baby you took mat/pat leave for has been born - they will worry themselves sick and be too tactful to contact you
- Don't forget to register the baby with a GP, it makes all the professionals extremely nervous and liable to unannounced visits
- Organise a baby sitting circle as soon as humanly possible or you will have no social life
- Very small people probably don't need large birthday parties - and you don't need the aftermath
- Don't give the baby a teaspoon full of gin if they won't sleep (don't ask)
- People with small people, who return to work, tend to have baby detritus attached often mild baby puke markings - there must be a solution, packamac over your work gear in the mornings that doesn't come off until your in the car maybe ?
- Other people understand babies create havoc, don't be embarrassed to have them over - just warn them to wear clothes they don't mind the baby overflowing on - and you don't need to tidy up
I am sure there's more ...
[ 06. July 2015, 19:14: Message edited by: Doublethink. ]
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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IngoB
Sentire cum Ecclesia
# 8700
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Posted
Your home will smell in various unpleasant ways for a few years.
You will forage for sustenance like a hobo, "cleaning up" the food and drink from used dishes routinely.
You will learn to duck and weave all sorts of washed clothes and cloths hanging wherever there is any "dry space" left.
You will check the baby's breathing in a frightful panic.
You will spend lots of time sterilising things, while the baby keeps stuffing random objects into its mouth.
You will tell a hilarious anecdote involving shit.
You will be inanely pleased by pleased inanity, overjoyed by joy over nothing, inordinately fascinated by fascination with the ordinary, and quite generally lose your marbles in a good way.
You will survive, and may even live happily ever after.
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They’ll have me whipp’d for speaking true; thou’lt have me whipp’d for lying; and sometimes I am whipp’d for holding my peace. - The Fool in King Lear
Posts: 12010 | From: Gone fishing | Registered: Oct 2004
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Leorning Cniht
Shipmate
# 17564
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
That the exhaustion WILL pass and normal life will eventually resume!
The exhaustion of baby care is like no other on Earth - nobody can prepare you for it, but reassurance that it isn't permanent helps!
Yes, this.
Also, trust your instincts. You're probably right.
And don't stress too much about what to do. Do whatever seems sensible to you and works for you. There are all kinds of different ways to approach raising children, and the children mostly all turn out OK whatever you do.
Posts: 5026 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2013
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Leorning Cniht
Shipmate
# 17564
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Doublethink.:
People with small people, who return to work, tend to have baby detritus attached often mild baby puke markings - there must be a solution, packamac over your work gear in the mornings that doesn't come off until your in the car maybe ?
Just don't dress until you're actually ready to walk out of the door. No baby wants to snuggle up to a plastic mac.
Posts: 5026 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2013
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
Dress and put a onesie over the top till your out the door ?
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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Og, King of Bashan
Ship's giant Amorite
# 9562
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Posted
Specific early on advice: don't get so used to waking up every four hours that you miss the possibility that the baby could be going longer without a feeding. We were getting up with every lip smack through about six weeks. My wife was about at the breaking point, and one night I decided to see what would happen if I waited a minute or so after the lip smack before getting up and getting a bottle. Turned out she was fine, and she's been sleeping through the night ever since.
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"I like to eat crawfish and drink beer. That's despair?" ― Walker Percy
Posts: 3259 | From: Denver, Colorado, USA | Registered: May 2005
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
I have no children, but I remember my sister saying that if you're breast-feeding, things like chilli con carne have a rather more dramatic effect on the innards of Small Person than they do on you.
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
It's okay--in fact, it's positively laudable--to plop the baby in his crib/cot, shut the door, and go out on the front porch to cool down when he's making you homicidal. Much, much preferable to shaken baby syndrome.
And you WILL wind up crying in the hall one night, while your little one wails even louder. It's a rite of passage.
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Jane R
Shipmate
# 331
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Posted
If you had a natural birth (as opposed to a Caesarian), keep your knees together when getting in and out of the car until the wounds have healed. I really wish the midwives had told me that...
Take at least three changes of clothes for Baby on every outing. You might not need them, but better safe than sorry. Might be worth adding a change of clothes for you, too (I know someone with a very active 8-year-old who still does this, though nowadays she only takes one change of clothes for him as well; she reckons if he falls in the sea or whatever more than once he deserves to stay wet).
They tell you to feed the baby every three hours during the day, even if you have to wake the baby up to do it. This is important, but what they never tell you is how to wake a baby who is determined to stay asleep. "Make them uncomfortable" - well, we tried that. Tickling her feet usually worked, but I had to resort to picking her nose once (she gave me a VERY old-fashioned look and then started howling).
Try not to feel guilty if you find you can't breastfeed; it isn't your fault and your baby will survive. Babies are tougher than they look, or none of us would be here.
Posts: 3958 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001
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L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
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Posted
Avoid commercial baby food like the plague: its hideously expensive and far too sweet; instead buy a mouli julienne, then you just put everything you have for dinner through it for the small person.
If you really have to get on with some wo*k at home and they need entertainment, stick them in front of the washing machine with Radio 4 playing: the laundry going round will enthral and the radio will help enrich vocabulary.
Free entertainment at crawling stage: local cricket.
If you live near a beach use it - even in the winter, wearing a snow-suit, they'll be enthralled and the lack of traffic makes a beach a safe space if you're single-handed.
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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
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JoannaP
Shipmate
# 4493
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Jane R:
They tell you to feed the baby every three hours during the day, even if you have to wake the baby up to do it. This is important, but what they never tell you is how to wake a baby who is determined to stay asleep.
Apparently Dad perfected the art of feeding me (and changing me afterwards) without waking me up. ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
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"Freedom for the pike is death for the minnow." R. H. Tawney (quoted by Isaiah Berlin)
"Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety." Benjamin Franklin
Posts: 1877 | From: England | Registered: May 2003
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iamchristianhearmeroar
Shipmate
# 15483
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Posted
Try to make time for your partner as well as the baby. Of course your partner will be number two now the baby's come along, but the occasional reminder of what it felt like to be number one doesn't go amiss.
On the issue of number twos, top top tip is whether you're using cloth nappies or disposables use nappy wraps over the top. We've lost count of the number of times our friends with babies (not attired with nappy wraps) have had to do a full clothes change because of poo-splosions. In over two years we've only had to do a couple of full clothes changes - nappy wraps saved the clothes on many other occasions!
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My blog: http://alastairnewman.wordpress.com/
Posts: 642 | From: London, UK | Registered: Feb 2010
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
Avoid commercial baby food like the plague: its hideously expensive and far too sweet; instead buy a mouli julienne, then you just put everything you have for dinner through it for the small person.
If you really have to get on with some wo*k at home and they need entertainment, stick them in front of the washing machine with Radio 4 playing: the laundry going round will enthral and the radio will help enrich vocabulary.
Free entertainment at crawling stage: local cricket.
If you live near a beach use it - even in the winter, wearing a snow-suit, they'll be enthralled and the lack of traffic makes a beach a safe space if you're single-handed.
Feeding your food to the baby, do watch the salt content.
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061
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Posted
Here's a good one. All those modern conveniences? Disposeable nappies, plastic plates, ordering diapers on your mobile phone? They are for you. Later on you can be ecologically aware and recycle and never use throwaways. Now, in the moment of crisis, modern civilization is there for you. Use it, and worry about other stuff later.
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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page
Posts: 6378 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
Ignore the sanctimonious crap about breast feeding being best for baby. I breast fed because it was best for me:
a) bottle feeding involves holding the baby in one arm and the bottle in the other. Breast feeding involves holding the baby in one arm and something more interesting (a book, magazine or bar of chocolate) in the other.
b) if you are going out, bottle feeding involves organisation. Breast feeding doesn't.
c) bottle feeding is great if you're good at keeping household things clean and sterilising, but breast feeding is best if you just can't be arsed with that sort of thing.
d) fathers can't breast feed. Make sure they don't feel left out by letting them bond with the baby over the nappies.
If breast feeding doesn't work out, that's a shame, because you have to spend less time reading / more time sterilising, but that's it. It won't make any difference to the baby. A full tummy is a full tummy.
(My midwife told me that she'd recommend breast feeding to all mothers, but particularly to me because (and I quote) "you'll pass on all your immunities to the baby and, judging by the state of your kitchen floor, I'd guess you've built up a pretty interesting range of immunities.")
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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Pomona
Shipmate
# 17175
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Posted
White noise apps or Spotify playlists save on the electricity needed to run the washing machine to keep baby happy!
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Consider the work of God: Who is able to straighten what he has bent? [Ecclesiastes 7:13]
Posts: 5319 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2012
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mark_in_manchester
not waving, but...
# 15978
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Posted
#1 If you say you'll do something for / with / to your kid, do it, always. If it's discipline and you change your mind between specifying it and having to do it, do it anyway, this once, and then re-specify. Not doing it is making you feel better, not your kid - wise up.
#2 Remember that creativity often arises from being sufficiently bored to force oneself into it. Make sure your kid has the chance to get bored, but ensure loo roll centres and sellotape are generally available.
#3 Make your time, ears and enthusiasm more a part of their life than your money.
OK, my oldest is 10 and I really don't know if #3 is going to continue to work. If it doesn't - well, I want to go down trying.
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"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)
Posts: 1596 | Registered: Oct 2010
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by mark_in_manchester:
#3 Make your time, ears and enthusiasm more a part of their life than your money.
OK, my oldest is 10 and I really don't know if #3 is going to continue to work. If it doesn't - well, I want to go down trying.
Our time, ears and rolling their eyes at, and being sarcastic about, our enthusiasm were more a part of our teens' lives than our money.
I'm not sure if that's reassuring, Mark?
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The Intrepid Mrs S:
This is a much-wanted baby, they have friends with small/very small children, they have been preparing since before conception - but they realise they don't know what to expect!
I don't have children of my own, but from observation and from life in a household with a baby and toddler:
Expect the unexpected. Every baby is different and none of them have read any manuals, so don't expect them to live up to it. Get to know your kid, and enjoy the process. Prepare to be disconcerted when your own personality traits are reflected back at you. Switch off comparisons with other parents whose infant prodigies are walking, speak 3 languages and can play the piano at 3 months old. Your kid is not their kid.
Their tiny joys and woes can knock yours into the shade. Children can be self-centred little animals who can drive you to distraction, but sometimes their tiny, unexpected gestures of kindness will utterly melt you right out of a bad mood/despair/a bad day.
Always keep small promises. For small people, small promises can sometimes be quite big ones. Plan small surprises, ditto.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
During the first year of parenthood, put everything else off. Buying a new house, car, changing jobs, getting a divorce , just cancel it for a year. Don't even bother with the dentist/hairdresser/what have you until a year is up. You have officially entered.... the Twilight Zone.
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Zacchaeus
Shipmate
# 14454
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sioni Sais:
quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
One last: FORGET THE IRONING. When they're older they won't remember that they wore beautifully ironed clothes, but they'll be a seething ball of resentment that when it was sunny (which was every day during the summer, of course) you never took them to the beach/park/swimming* like everyone else but stayed in.
* delete as applicable.
Not just the ironing. There are any number of things that were essential B.C. that just go by the board afterwards, and no one misses them. No one that matters anyway.
as was told to me:- nobody ever got to the end of their life saying ' i wish i had done more housework'
Posts: 1905 | From: the back of beyond | Registered: Jan 2009
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
The other thing - and I don't think I need tell them this, because they know - teach the child to say 'please' and 'thank you'. I can still remember Master S's amazement at the doors these opened for him at toddler stage
NEQ - roflmao at the state of your kitchen floor! (though not ON your kitchen floor, for obvious reasons)
Again, thank you all for your time and kind thoughts. I shall pass them ALL on.
Mrs. S, to whom it is All Coming Back with dreadful clarity
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Jack the Lass
Ship's airhead
# 3415
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Posted
I can't speak for how the father might experience this, but from my experience as a mother, I was completely floored for a while by the change in my identity. I had degrees, a good job where I used my brain, had travelled and lived abroad, and was (I felt) a strong, capable and vaguely interesting person. And then all of a sudden after having the baby I'd get to the end of the day and would realise that I'd not even had a shower or cleaned my teeth, never mind done anything as advanced as a bit of washing up. I struggled with that for quite some time, until I got into a bit more of a routine. And even then, although I managed to get out to various baby groups (which were an absolute lifeline, even though they were mostly super-cheesy and not always my cup of tea), I still had to get my head round being seen first as The Elf Lass's mum, rather than as JtL. It wasn't exactly unexpected, but it really did throw me how powerful that feeling was - I felt really deskilled as a person for a while, and it wasn't nice.
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"My body is a temple - it's big and doesn't move." (Jo Brand)
wiblog blipfoto blog
Posts: 5767 | From: the land of the deep-fried Mars Bar | Registered: Oct 2002
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
Me too. And get used to being called "Mom" everywhere (do they do this to fathers?) instead your name. And woe betide you if you have any grey hair, when it becomes "Gramps" or "Grandma" instead!
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
Me three - it infuriates me when the press label you, as in 'Grandmother wins millions on lottery, buys new slippers'. Is a grandmother the defining term for that person; is that all she is?
Mrs. S, preparing herself for a new label
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Jack the Lass
Ship's airhead
# 3415
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Posted
Be prepared to be judged on every parenting decision you make - just as complete strangers (and vague acquaintances) think it's ok to touch a pregnant woman's bump, so once the baby appears it's like everyone everywhere feels they have carte blanche to tell you exactly what you're doing wrong. [other mothers are the worst for this, but they're not the only ones] Whatever your choices re feeding/milk/nappies/sleep management/clothes/TV or not/activities/ways of managing your mental health/etc, someone will have a very strong opinion why it's wrong and feel completely justified in telling you what you should be doing instead (my most annoying one: some complete stranger coming up to me in the supermarket to tell me that my wide-awake baby should be in bed by this time - it was about 6.45pm).
As a rough rule of thumb, I found that if (either solicited or unsolicited) advice begins along the lines of "have you tried...?" or "we found X worked, maybe that will help" or somesuch, then it's worth at least listening to and considering. If however, it begins "You should...", the best reaction is probably to smile beneficently and indulgently, and then ignore it.
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"My body is a temple - it's big and doesn't move." (Jo Brand)
wiblog blipfoto blog
Posts: 5767 | From: the land of the deep-fried Mars Bar | Registered: Oct 2002
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
I think the textbook assertive response of:
I like doing the way I do it; how is that a problem for you?
might work well in this situation.
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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Beethoven
Ship's deaf genius
# 114
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Posted
Depending on her normal level of snark, the Former Miss S might want to think up some useful replies to the question that most annoyed me: 'Are you feeding her yourself?'. I always wanted to say 'no, I'm leaving that for the fairies' but never quite dared - and nor could I find a polite way of asking quite how that was the old biddy's business (and it always was old ladies asking in that ridiculously coy way). But yes, start getting used to the idea that total strangers will feel perfectly justified in asking all sorts of ridiculously intrusive questions, just because there's a bump or a small baby around. ![[Disappointed]](graemlins/disappointed.gif)
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Who wants to be a rock anyway?
toujours gai!
Posts: 1309 | From: Here (and occasionally there) | Registered: May 2001
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Viola
Administrator
# 20
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Jack the Lass:
I can't speak for how the father might experience this, but from my experience as a mother, I was completely floored for a while by the change in my identity. I had degrees, a good job where I used my brain, had travelled and lived abroad, and was (I felt) a strong, capable and vaguely interesting person. And then all of a sudden after having the baby I'd get to the end of the day and would realise that I'd not even had a shower or cleaned my teeth, never mind done anything as advanced as a bit of washing up. I struggled with that for quite some time, until I got into a bit more of a routine. And even then, although I managed to get out to various baby groups (which were an absolute lifeline, even though they were mostly super-cheesy and not always my cup of tea), I still had to get my head round being seen first as The Elf Lass's mum, rather than as JtL. It wasn't exactly unexpected, but it really did throw me how powerful that feeling was - I felt really deskilled as a person for a while, and it wasn't nice.
Ha! Yes! All of this! Also, try very hard not to feel guilty - not easy when the hormones are going bonkers already. Everyone will have an opinion on what you should be doing. Mothers who have had a breeze with breastfeeding will be full of advice if you're struggling. This stuff is only what worked for them. It might not work for you. We are very lucky to live in the 21st century, where we have alternatives if necessary.
A lot of the people who are around you to help and advise in the early days spend their whole lives dealing with small babies. They may have forgotten what it was like without children, and may not be much help with the aforementioned shock at your change of circumstance. This is why you need your antenatal class friends.
Also - you can mix & match 'parenting methods'. There are lots of 'mummy wars' if you mooch around the dark side of the internet (which you will whilst doing the 4am feed), but actually you can mix-feed, work part-time, use a sling and disposable nappies/ a buggy & washable nappies etc etc.
And one practical tip. Baby vests - that huge envelope opening at the head... it isn't because your baby has an enormous head, it's so that you can pull the vest DOWN when a poo-splosion happens, rather than pulling it up over the head and spreading the mess even further up. Revelation, that one - thank you to my most marvellous midwife.
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"If ye love me, keep my commandments" John 14:15
"Commandment number one: shut the hell up." Erin Etheredge 1971-2010
Posts: 4345 | From: West of England | Registered: May 2001
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
Life is a series of stages or "seasons," none of which is permanent. Your season of being a young, no-child married couple is over and isn't coming back. Now you embark on a new season. This means you wont' get to do some things you used to do, and you will have a mountain of new responsibilities. But also of new pleasures and rewards.
But this season, too, is temporary. It will be replaced by another, in which the situation is different, the responsibilities and rewards are different, and you will miss the old season wistfully (this is why people bronze baby shoes).
Children have their own built-in timelines, and while they're always your children, their personalities and needs and desires and shape are constantly changing. When your babymaking is through and there are no longer pre-school children in the house, your life will look a lot different than it did just a short year earlier. A new season. Then before you know it they're all driving, or bringing home sweethearts, or married with children of their own. (Delete/add as appropriate.) All different seasons.
Relish each season as it comes. Sure there are wistful longings for the pleasures of bygone seasons. But they're not coming back. Relish your memories and your photos and videos, but not too much. Make sure you invest most of your energy in the season you're in.
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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no prophet's flag is set so...
Proceed to see sea
# 15560
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Posted
If/when my children have kids, I will say 'call me anytime and I will babysit'. I hope I'm not too old to do that if/when they get around to it.
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Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.
\_(ツ)_/
Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Jack the Lass:
... complete strangers (and vague acquaintances) think it's ok to touch a pregnant woman's bump ...
Really???
I have only once in my life touched a pregnant lady's bump; the lady in question was my sister and the invitation to touch said bump was more of a command ...
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Lothlorien
Ship's Grandma
# 4927
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Posted
Lots of good advice here. Things have changed since my sons were babies, but I think I would say to do what works for you. Mine would not accept dummies or bottles, but if that helps you and your child lead a more settled life, then go ahead. Listen to you own ideas and don't be shamed because someone else is offended by your ways.
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Buy a bale. Help our Aussie rural communities and farmers. Another great cause needing support The High Country Patrol.
Posts: 9745 | From: girt by sea | Registered: Aug 2003
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LeRoc
Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Piglet:
quote:
Originally posted by Jack the Lass:
... complete strangers (and vague acquaintances) think it's ok to touch a pregnant woman's bump ...
Really???
Oh yes. I'm obviously not in the right category to talk about this from experience, but I have a friend who was pregnant last year who was completely fed up by this.
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I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)
Posts: 9474 | From: Brazil / Africa | Registered: Aug 2002
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Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061
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Posted
Once I took my infant to the grocery store. she lay in her infant carrier in the cart while I selected onions or something. I turned back to her and an elderly woman was feeling her little feet. "Just seeing if she's cold," the old lady said, and scurried away.
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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page
Posts: 6378 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014
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