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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: VOTE! Hell Denizen of the Year
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Simon
Editor
# 1
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Posted
Here are the nominations for Hell Denizen of the Year. Please remind yourself of why each person was nominated by reading the post below... and then vote for your choice.
Poll information
This poll contains 1 question(s). 138 user(s) have voted.
Voting started at
board time.
Voting stopped at
board time.
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Eternal memory
Posts: 3787 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2001
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Simon
Editor
# 1
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Posted
Here are the nominations, in alphabetical order, for Hell Denizen of the Year.
1. DoS
Nominated by Patrick the less saintly: "My justification for this is clearly written out here in Black and White and in all other posts.
I know that this
is encouraging him, but he
clearly deserves it for
his amusing
bigotry and creative
veracity.
Not to
mention
his
ec
cen
tric f
ormating."
2. Gort
Nominated by Doublethink: "See this properly hellish prophecy of doom. For his 204 posts currently in Hell. He is a true denizen, as you know he will always be in the pit, like the house robots on Robotwars - stray into his territory and you'll know about it. He does wit, scathing and bizarre anecdotiness, he's our very own Bender."
3. RooK
Nominated by Chorister: "See this example. 'I'll tell you why; because most of you are tedious lemmings who insist on trying to weigh him down by throwing yourselves into his vapid maw and dogpiling on his tonsils. You're a fucking useleless lot, and I wish you would all spontaneously combust (in a controlled manner, so as to provide useful power generation)' is so much more creative than 'Do not feed the Troll' which is what most posters would have said. RooK is so comfortable in Hell it makes you wonder whether he would be at home anywhere else."
4. Sine Nomine
Nominated by Josephine: "For posts such as this one or, another, from the same thread. While other Denizens choose a rusty farm implement or a sledge hammer or machete to hack and bludgeon trollish and unpleasant shipmates, Sine uses a laser scalpel. He can see the exact spot where the unpleasantness needs to be lanced in order to allow the bloated ego or the festering self-justifications drain and heal.
His posts in Hell are consistent examples of the fine art of disemboweling with courtesy, grace, and apparent humility. My maternal grandmother was a practitioner of the art. I never thought I'd ever meet her like -- but that was before I encountered Sine."
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Eternal memory
Posts: 3787 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2001
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Alfred E. Neuman
What? Me worry?
# 6855
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Posted
A lonely silver figure stares at an empty stage choking back a lump in his throat whilst wiping away a tear...
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--Formerly: Gort--
Posts: 12954 | Registered: May 2004
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Janine
The Endless Simmer
# 3337
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Posted
<... Janine slips a cute little antique oilcan into Gort's sporrrrrran and disappears with a ting-ting-ting of tiny bells back into the darkness of the wings...>
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I'm a Fundagelical Evangimentalist. What are you?
Take Me Home * My Heart * An hour with Rich Mullins *
Posts: 13788 | From: Below the Bible Belt | Registered: Sep 2002
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Sheep 3
Nativity Play
# 3663
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Posted
Wanders on stage.
Baaaa?
Notices evil-looking robot, sitting alone in empty auditorium, oozing some vile substance and bolts off.
*jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle*
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jlg the sheep
Posts: 278 | From: lost in a pasture | Registered: Dec 2002
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Alfred E. Neuman
What? Me worry?
# 6855
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Janine:
<... Janine slips a cute little antique oilcan into Gort's sporrrrrran and disappears with a ting-ting-ting of tiny bells back into the darkness of the wings...>
ooOOOooh! That feels much better, thanks!
[ 01. February 2009, 17:29: Message edited by: Gort ]
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--Formerly: Gort--
Posts: 12954 | Registered: May 2004
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Flausa
Mad Woman
# 3466
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Posted
Flausa dons appropriate sheep-catching attire .
I've got to do something before it leaves droppings all over the stage. It's bad enough there appears to have been someone here already with a leaf blower.
Posts: 4610 | From: bonny Scotland | Registered: Oct 2002
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
Doublethink, changes her attire to fit in with the ambience at this stage.
[ 01. February 2009, 18:22: Message edited by: Doublethink ]
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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Jack o' the Green
Shipmate
# 11091
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Posted
Am I the only one attending this ceremony to look at Angelina?
Posts: 3121 | From: Lancashire, England | Registered: Feb 2006
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QLib
Bad Example
# 43
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Posted
This sheep - it wouldn't by any chance be a sock-muppet, would it? ![[Paranoid]](graemlins/paranoid.gif)
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Tradition is the handing down of the flame, not the worship of the ashes Gustav Mahler.
Posts: 8913 | From: Page 28 | Registered: May 2001
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Alfred E. Neuman
What? Me worry?
# 6855
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Doublethink:
Doublethink, changes her attire to fit in with the ambience at this stage.
mmMMmm...black leather. You're not a member of that private board, are you?
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--Formerly: Gort--
Posts: 12954 | Registered: May 2004
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Angus McDangley:
Am I the only one attending this ceremony to look at Angelina?
nope, me too.
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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QLib
Bad Example
# 43
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Posted
![[Snore]](graemlins/snore.gif)
[under the table]
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Tradition is the handing down of the flame, not the worship of the ashes Gustav Mahler.
Posts: 8913 | From: Page 28 | Registered: May 2001
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Simon
Editor
# 1
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Posted
*The house lights dim one final time and the glittering stage lights come up for tonight's final award...*
It's Hell Denizen of the Year!
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Eternal memory
Posts: 3787 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2001
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Erin
Meaner than Godzilla
# 2
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Posted
Ladies and gentlemen, I am so honored to be here to present the real prize of the night, the highly coveted and totally awesome Hell Denizen of the Year award. Not that pussy little Shipmate of the Year award that nobody wanted anyway, especially not me, you ungrateful bastards...
*sniff*
Anyway. Hell is, as one or two of you might have surmised, near and dear to my cold black heart. So it is with great pleasure that I present this award, knowing that the Twin Spirits of Bitchiness and Assholishness continue to thrive to this very day.
*opens envelope*
This is so exciting!
*removes card from envelope; stares for a full thirty seconds*
Well.
*more incredulous staring, then a look of fury at the audience*
What the hell, man? Is this for real?
*tears up card and throws it in the air*
Aren't all y'all just a bunch of ass-kissing little sycophants. Suck up to the new admin, but no love on the shipmate vote for the editor who put him there? You suck. You over there, you suck too. And you hiding behind the column, like that's going to save you, you suck even worse. I'll be banning the shit out of whomever I don't actually kill.
*screams in fury, morphs into her real self, launches into the crowd*
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Commandment number one: shut the hell up.
Posts: 17140 | From: 330 miles north of paradise | Registered: Mar 2001
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Simon
Editor
# 1
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Posted
*The Simmies theme music swells and then abruptly ceases*[/i]
Ah... we have a... er... technical hitch...
*Sounds of screaming from the auditorium's cheaper seats*
Can someone control that Gator?
*Chomping noises are heard*
Security, there seems to be an enraged Gator chomping its way through the nominees for Shipmate of the Year... Yes, yes... some kind of grudge, apparently. Is Zoo Control here yet? Can you... can you... GET THEM HERE!
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Eternal memory
Posts: 3787 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2001
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
![[Yipee]](graemlins/spin.gif)
I loves me my WooKie!
*runs away from Stage Diving Harpie*
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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QLib
Bad Example
# 43
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Posted
[wakes and peeps out cautiously] ...Rook?
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Tradition is the handing down of the flame, not the worship of the ashes Gustav Mahler.
Posts: 8913 | From: Page 28 | Registered: May 2001
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Simon
Editor
# 1
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Posted
And... ok.
Wipes brow
The tranquilliser darts have brought her down. Security has now surrounded her... and... and... she's being carried out of the auditorium in a *disturbingly* happy mood.
Wearing a lovely damask-coloured, diamond-studded straitjacket... as they whisk her out of the building and off to the loony bin.
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Eternal memory
Posts: 3787 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2001
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Simon
Editor
# 1
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Posted
Which leaves me, ladies and gentlemen, shipmates one and all, to announce the winner of our final award of the night, Hell Denizen of the Year. Out of all the sound and fury of the past 12 months, emerging from th'infernal smoke, are just four nominations... DoS, Gort, RooK and Sine Nomine. Which one is worthy? Which one has the sulphurous qualities needed to reign over Hell?
Well... I have here a golden envelope...
*Rip!*
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Eternal memory
Posts: 3787 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2001
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Simon:
... as they whisk her out of the building and off to the loony bin.
dont get comfortable, she barely had time for a snack.
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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eeGAD
Wandering Stowaway
# 4675
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Posted
raising her last glass of champagne, "Congrats RooK!"
. . . and finally passes out for good . . .
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You don't fix faith. It fixes you. - Shepherd Book
Posts: 976 | From: The Land of Mary | Registered: Jun 2003
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QLib
Bad Example
# 43
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Posted
Yaaaaayyyyyyyy!
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Tradition is the handing down of the flame, not the worship of the ashes Gustav Mahler.
Posts: 8913 | From: Page 28 | Registered: May 2001
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
Congratulations RooK! A more worthy winner cannot be imagined ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
KooR!
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Alfred E. Neuman
What? Me worry?
# 6855
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Posted
**sobs bitterly into his tin-kerchief**
Congratulations, Rook! <sniff>
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--Formerly: Gort--
Posts: 12954 | Registered: May 2004
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Alfred E. Neuman
What? Me worry?
# 6855
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Posted
Yes...yes, it's here somewhere...< dribble-sniff>...
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--Formerly: Gort--
Posts: 12954 | Registered: May 2004
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QLib
Bad Example
# 43
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Posted
You'll hate yourself tomorrow morning, J.
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Tradition is the handing down of the flame, not the worship of the ashes Gustav Mahler.
Posts: 8913 | From: Page 28 | Registered: May 2001
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Alfred E. Neuman
What? Me worry?
# 6855
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Posted
**squirts oil on his rusting ego**
I will treasure the nomination forever! <sniff> Thank you!
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--Formerly: Gort--
Posts: 12954 | Registered: May 2004
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Mamacita
Lakefront liberal
# 3659
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Posted
Well done, RooK. Now for the acceptance speech.
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Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.
Posts: 20761 | From: where the purple line ends | Registered: Dec 2002
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QLib
Bad Example
# 43
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Posted
Excellent!
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Tradition is the handing down of the flame, not the worship of the ashes Gustav Mahler.
Posts: 8913 | From: Page 28 | Registered: May 2001
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Alfred E. Neuman
What? Me worry?
# 6855
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Posted
So, how do you feel now you simpering sycophants? Your Golden Boy, RooK, can't even be bothered to recognize your groveling admiration. He HATES the lot of you. His bile overfloweth upon your supplications. In his heart, you are lower than the krill withwhich you breed - and still you whimper for his attention and wander in the wasteland.
I brought you the common man - the Hell Denizen from your midst, who labors and goes unrecognized except for the chosen few - those exalted 19 who refused to sacrifice their self-respect in the name of political sycophancy and voted their hearts. I thank you all - my chocolate runneth over (PM me).
And so, the greatest injustice in SoF history has been realized. No, no - I harbor no animosity. I journey on towards a future when all will recognize my humble efforts to bring you forth into the Hellish promised land.
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--Formerly: Gort--
Posts: 12954 | Registered: May 2004
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RooK
1 of 6
# 1852
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Posted
(Saunters onto the stage, stepping over the drying gore, and addresses the emptied hall:)
I cheated.
Posts: 15274 | From: Portland, Oregon, USA, Earth | Registered: Nov 2001
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duchess
Ship's Blue Blooded Lady
# 2764
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Posted
lying bitch.
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♬♭ We're setting sail to the place on the map from which nobody has ever returned ♫♪♮
Ship of Fools-World Party
Posts: 11197 | From: Do you know the way? | Registered: May 2002
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dj_ordinaire
Host
# 4643
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
(Saunters onto the stage, stepping over the drying gore, and addresses the emptied hall:)
I cheated.
If you hadn't, you wouldn't have been eligible! ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
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Flinging wide the gates...
Posts: 10335 | From: Hanging in the balance of the reality of man | Registered: Jun 2003
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duchess
Ship's Blue Blooded Lady
# 2764
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Posted
he won fair and square and needs to make a speech.
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♬♭ We're setting sail to the place on the map from which nobody has ever returned ♫♪♮
Ship of Fools-World Party
Posts: 11197 | From: Do you know the way? | Registered: May 2002
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Left at the Altar
Ship's Siren
# 5077
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Posted
Yes, if anyone knows about cheating, it's Sine.
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Still pretty Amazing, but no longer Mavis.
Posts: 9111 | Registered: Oct 2003
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