Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Heaven: Godly chat-up lines
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The Great Gumby
Ship's Brain Surgeon
# 10989
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Posted
I'm preparing a sermon on sexual sin. Would you like to be in a case study?
-------------------- The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. - Richard Feynman
A letter to my son about death
Posts: 5382 | From: Home for shot clergy spouses | Registered: Feb 2006
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Hiro's Leap
Shipmate
# 12470
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Posted
I'm interested in the idea of Original Sin. Would you and me, a waterbed and two dozen meerkats be original enough?
Posts: 3418 | From: UK, OK | Registered: Mar 2007
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Cardinal Pole Vault
Papal Bull
# 4193
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Posted
The Trinity is my inspriration in love - so bring a friend and let's practise some perichoresis
-------------------- "Make tea, not war"
Posts: 986 | From: Insula Tiberina | Registered: Mar 2003
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Trudy Scrumptious
BBE Shieldmaiden
# 5647
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Hiro's Leap: I'm interested in the idea of Original Sin. Would you and me, a waterbed and two dozen meerkats be original enough?
Well, you had me at "meerkats."
-------------------- Books and things.
I lied. There are no things. Just books.
Posts: 7428 | From: Closer to Paris than I am to Vancouver | Registered: Mar 2004
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Jonathan Strange
Shipmate
# 11001
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Posted
At New Wine - AKA The Land of Ravenous Single 35+yr-old Christian Women:
"You're a man with a pulse... Care to propose?"
or
"Care for a time of prayer and fertilisation?"
[perhaps too contextual for the article, Ancient Mariner]
-------------------- "Wrong will be right, when Aslan comes in sight, At the sound of his roar, sorrows will be no more, When he bears his teeth, winter meets its death, When he shakes his mane, we shall have spring again"
Posts: 1327 | From: Wessex | Registered: Feb 2006
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Hiro's Leap
Shipmate
# 12470
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Trudy Scrumptious: Well, you had me at "meerkats."
Oh! Was that you?
Posts: 3418 | From: UK, OK | Registered: Mar 2007
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Sandemaniac
Shipmate
# 12829
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Posted
Care to discuss my Second Coming?
AG
-------------------- "It becomes soon pleasantly apparent that change-ringing is by no means merely an excuse for beer" Charles Dickens gets it wrong, 1869
Posts: 3574 | From: The wardrobe of my soul | Registered: Jul 2007
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
I'm tired of palm Sundays -- want to help me make a Triumphal Entry?
-------------------- This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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Loquacious beachcomber
Shipmate
# 8783
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Posted
That's a beautiful "I waited" bracelet - would you like to be opened with prayer?
-------------------- TODAY'S SPECIAL - AND SO ARE YOU (Sign on beachfront fish & chips shop)
Posts: 5954 | From: Southeast of Wawa, between the beach and the hiking trail.. | Registered: Nov 2004
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fisher
Shipmate
# 9080
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Posted
'I'm going to Confession next week and hate those long silences - can you help me out?'
'Hey, you look angelic! My name's Jacob - fancy a wrestle?'
'Your manse or mine?'
'They call me Augustine and you'll soon agree my sins are pretty original.'
-------------------- "Down, down, presumptuous human reason!" But somehow they found out I was not a real bishop at all G. K. Chesterton
Posts: 1327 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2005
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Hedgerow Priest
Shipmate
# 13905
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Posted
Jonathan Strange wrote:
quote: At New Wine - AKA The Land of Ravenous Single 35+yr-old Christian Women:
"You're a man with a pulse... Care to propose?"
Are 30-something divorced childless Anglo Catholic men seen as fair game by the eligible ladies at New Wine, or will they want to check me doctrinal credentials?
-------------------- "Where is the Love" Saint Fergy de Pea
Posts: 362 | From: London | Registered: Jul 2008
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The5thMary
Shipmate
# 12953
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by The Great Gumby: Would you like to be fearfully and wonderfully laid?
-------------------- God gave me my face but She let me pick my nose.
Posts: 3451 | From: Tacoma, WA USA | Registered: Aug 2007
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
don't hide your bushel.
-------------------- This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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duchess
Ship's Blue Blooded Lady
# 2764
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by RuthW: Someday, when I'm really bored, I'm going to join a Christian dating site, and my teaser line will be "Titus 2 woman seeks Ezekiel 23:20 man." Just to see how many takers I get.
-------------------- ♬♭ We're setting sail to the place on the map from which nobody has ever returned ♫♪♮ Ship of Fools-World Party
Posts: 11197 | From: Do you know the way? | Registered: May 2002
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Sandemaniac
Shipmate
# 12829
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Posted
So you're a virgin without any oil. Would baby oil do?
AG
(I notice the tone lowered overnight. I like that...)
-------------------- "It becomes soon pleasantly apparent that change-ringing is by no means merely an excuse for beer" Charles Dickens gets it wrong, 1869
Posts: 3574 | From: The wardrobe of my soul | Registered: Jul 2007
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Jonathan Strange
Shipmate
# 11001
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Hedgerow Priest: Jonathan Strange wrote:
quote: At New Wine - AKA The Land of Ravenous Single 35+yr-old Christian Women:
"You're a man with a pulse... Care to propose?"
Are 30-something divorced childless Anglo Catholic men seen as fair game by the eligible ladies at New Wine, or will they want to check me doctrinal credentials?
Go along to New Wine, sign up to the 'Speed Dating' events and you'll be beating them off with a stick.
-------------------- "Wrong will be right, when Aslan comes in sight, At the sound of his roar, sorrows will be no more, When he bears his teeth, winter meets its death, When he shakes his mane, we shall have spring again"
Posts: 1327 | From: Wessex | Registered: Feb 2006
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The Great Gumby
Ship's Brain Surgeon
# 10989
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Posted
I bet my rod and staff would comfort you.
-------------------- The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. - Richard Feynman
A letter to my son about death
Posts: 5382 | From: Home for shot clergy spouses | Registered: Feb 2006
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Jonathan Strange
Shipmate
# 11001
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Posted
Tribute to the brilliant Ship of Fools “Tales of Calvinist Romance” postcard I bought at CRE:
Have I died and begun my predestined eternity of hopeless torment in the eternal lake of fire… or are you just making me hot?
-------------------- "Wrong will be right, when Aslan comes in sight, At the sound of his roar, sorrows will be no more, When he bears his teeth, winter meets its death, When he shakes his mane, we shall have spring again"
Posts: 1327 | From: Wessex | Registered: Feb 2006
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Robert Armin
All licens'd fool
# 182
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Posted
Guide me, O thou great Revealer
Is that an arrow of desire in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me? Blessed are those that moan
-------------------- Keeping fit was an obsession with Fr Moity .... He did chin ups in the vestry, calisthenics in the pulpit, and had developed a series of Tai-Chi exercises to correspond with ritual movements of the Mass. The Antipope Robert Rankin
Posts: 8927 | From: In the pack | Registered: May 2001
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Sandemaniac
Shipmate
# 12829
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Posted
Grace, for what you are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful"
AG
-------------------- "It becomes soon pleasantly apparent that change-ringing is by no means merely an excuse for beer" Charles Dickens gets it wrong, 1869
Posts: 3574 | From: The wardrobe of my soul | Registered: Jul 2007
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The5thMary
Shipmate
# 12953
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by mousethief: my soul panteth after thee.
Awww, mousethief, that's so sweet!
-------------------- God gave me my face but She let me pick my nose.
Posts: 3451 | From: Tacoma, WA USA | Registered: Aug 2007
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The5thMary
Shipmate
# 12953
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by The Great Gumby: I bet my rod and staff would comfort you.
You are SICK! But in a totally twisted and wonderful way! I like the cut of your jib.
-------------------- God gave me my face but She let me pick my nose.
Posts: 3451 | From: Tacoma, WA USA | Registered: Aug 2007
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Angel Wrestler
Ship's Hipster
# 13673
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Posted
You know us preachers; we do it with Amazing Grace
-------------------- The fact that no one understands you does not make you an artist. (unknown)
Posts: 2767 | From: half-way up the ladder | Registered: May 2008
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St. Stephen the Stoned
Shipmate
# 9841
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Posted
Take up thy cloak and follow me. For thou hast pulled.
-------------------- Do you want to see Jesus or don't yer? Well shurrup then!
Posts: 518 | From: Sheffield | Registered: Jul 2005
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wheelie racer
Shipmate
# 13854
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Posted
and one for the evangelicals in our midst...
I just really want to ask that....[fill in the gap yourself]
-------------------- Disability Rights: To boldly go where everyone else has gone..
Posts: 171 | From: off this planet | Registered: Jun 2008
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
O for a thousand tongues! But, barring that, would one tongue a thousands times do?
-------------------- This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
-------------------- I cannot expect people to believe “ Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.” Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Sandemaniac
Shipmate
# 12829
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Posted
You heard Moses, Baby. Eight only to be attempted...
AG
-------------------- "It becomes soon pleasantly apparent that change-ringing is by no means merely an excuse for beer" Charles Dickens gets it wrong, 1869
Posts: 3574 | From: The wardrobe of my soul | Registered: Jul 2007
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Sandemaniac
Shipmate
# 12829
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Posted
Hi, I'm Onan...
AG
-------------------- "It becomes soon pleasantly apparent that change-ringing is by no means merely an excuse for beer" Charles Dickens gets it wrong, 1869
Posts: 3574 | From: The wardrobe of my soul | Registered: Jul 2007
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wheelie racer
Shipmate
# 13854
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Posted
I feel all ecumenical when i am around you
or
Paul told us to great one another with a holy kiss - wanna try?
or
my friend told me to come and talk to you - he said you were really nice - who is it? well his name is Jesus do you know him too?
-------------------- Disability Rights: To boldly go where everyone else has gone..
Posts: 171 | From: off this planet | Registered: Jun 2008
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Robert Armin
All licens'd fool
# 182
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Sandemaniac: Hi, I'm Onan...
AG
Would that be Onan the Barbarian?
-------------------- Keeping fit was an obsession with Fr Moity .... He did chin ups in the vestry, calisthenics in the pulpit, and had developed a series of Tai-Chi exercises to correspond with ritual movements of the Mass. The Antipope Robert Rankin
Posts: 8927 | From: In the pack | Registered: May 2001
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
Didn't I see you batheing on the roof?
-------------------- I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way. Fancy a break in South India? Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
This is my body which is given for you,
*thinks* (and for many actually, but I was a young, we all make mistakes, forgiveness is a Christian virtue, and besides it all cleared up wonderfully with the penicillin.)
-------------------- All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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Ancient Mariner
Sip the ship
# 4
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Posted
Does the Great Gumby deserve prayer or a prize? You decide.
-------------------- Ship of Fools' first novel, Rattles & Rosettes, is the tale of two football (soccer) fans: 16-year-old Tom in 1914 and Dan in 2010. More at www.rattlesandrosettes.com
Posts: 2582 | From: St Helens (near Liverpool) UK | Registered: May 2001
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churchgeek
Have candles, will pray
# 5557
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Ancient Mariner: Does the Great Gumby deserve prayer or a prize? You decide.
Or a restraining order?
-------------------- I reserve the right to change my mind.
My article on the Virgin of Vladimir
Posts: 7773 | From: Detroit | Registered: Feb 2004
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Tyler Durden
Shipmate
# 2996
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Posted
Tangent: inspired by one of TGG's comments. At the penty church I used to go to in the 90s, the drummer of the worship band once said to me as we were standing beside the platform waiting to go on, 'look at the jugs on that' pointing at some girl and the very pious (male) backing singer standing next to us said in his soft scottish accent 'Don't call them jugs, brother. Call them breasts' - which became a very popular catchphrase in our house for many years afterwards.
-------------------- Have you ever noticed that anyone driving slower than you is a moron, while anyone driving faster is a maniac? Jerry Seinfeld
Posts: 509 | From: Kent | Registered: Jul 2002
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churchgeek
Have candles, will pray
# 5557
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Posted
And Tyler's story reminds me of this:
A gay friend of mine once bemoaned while we were at some concert like Over the Rhine or Sam Phillips, where the music isn't overtly Christian but the artists are, that there were lots of cute guys there but they were probably all Christians (assuming Christians either wouldn't be gay or would be closeted). I told him that in my church (Episcopal), there are plenty of gay men. So "Episcopalian" became a sort of euphemism.
So: "You're not Episcopalian by chance, are you?" could be a line for our gay brothers.
-------------------- I reserve the right to change my mind.
My article on the Virgin of Vladimir
Posts: 7773 | From: Detroit | Registered: Feb 2004
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The Great Gumby
Ship's Brain Surgeon
# 10989
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Posted
Can you spare a moment? I'm studying Forbidden Fruit, and those melons are the most tempting I've seen.
-------------------- The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. - Richard Feynman
A letter to my son about death
Posts: 5382 | From: Home for shot clergy spouses | Registered: Feb 2006
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PrettyFly
Ship's sunbather
# 13157
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Doublethink: This is my body which is given for you,
Reminds me of my bridesmaid who giggled every time she even thought of the phrase, "with my body, I thee worship". I think she managed to contain herself at the actual wedding, but I carefully avoided her eye just in case
-------------------- Screw today. I'm going for ice cream.
Posts: 1797 | From: Where the sun keeps shining and where the weather suits my clothes | Registered: Nov 2007
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The Great Gumby
Ship's Brain Surgeon
# 10989
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by churchgeek: quote: Originally posted by Ancient Mariner: Does the Great Gumby deserve prayer or a prize? You decide.
Or a restraining order?
Well, Keren-Happuch has been given not one but two copies of The Power of a Praying Wife by well-meaning friends, which I take as something of a compliment, so I think I'm covered for prayer.
Do you want to go forth and multiply, or shall we just do it here?
-------------------- The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. - Richard Feynman
A letter to my son about death
Posts: 5382 | From: Home for shot clergy spouses | Registered: Feb 2006
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The Great Gumby
Ship's Brain Surgeon
# 10989
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Posted
Are you not wearing any knickers, or did I just have a prophetic vision?
-------------------- The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. - Richard Feynman
A letter to my son about death
Posts: 5382 | From: Home for shot clergy spouses | Registered: Feb 2006
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Sir Pellinore
Quester Emeritus
# 12163
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Posted
I feel the Lord is moving something about my person. Perhaps he means us to come together in some sort of mystic communion? There's a Song in the Bible about that.
-------------------- Well...
Posts: 5108 | From: The Deep North, Oz | Registered: Dec 2006
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
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Posted
The classic film genre once again provides us with an example. I refer to M*A*S*H (the film, not the TV series), where an affair develops between the uptight Nurse Margaret "Hot Lips" O'Houlihan and the born again religious fanatic Major Frank Burns.
At a tryst, Burns says to Lot Lips, "God has brought us together." Baring her breasts, Hot Lips replies, "His will be done!"
-------------------- "I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
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The Great Gumby
Ship's Brain Surgeon
# 10989
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Posted
You'll think you've ascended to Heaven if you sit on my right hand
-------------------- The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. - Richard Feynman
A letter to my son about death
Posts: 5382 | From: Home for shot clergy spouses | Registered: Feb 2006
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Esmeralda
Ship's token UK Mennonite
# 582
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Posted
To a vicar: I just love men* in long black dresses...
*(OK, i do know a vicar could be a woman) [ 18. September 2008, 15:02: Message edited by: Esmeralda ]
-------------------- I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand.
http://reversedstandard.wordpress.com/
Posts: 17415 | From: A small island nobody pays any attention to | Registered: Jun 2001
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Sir Pellinore
Quester Emeritus
# 12163
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe: The classic film genre once again provides us with an example. I refer to M*A*S*H (the film, not the TV series), where an affair develops between the uptight Nurse Margaret "Hot Lips" O'Houlihan and the born again religious fanatic Major Frank Burns.
At a tryst, Burns says to Lot Lips, "God has brought us together." Baring her breasts, Hot Lips replies, "His will be done!"
You win the prize, Amanda.
Not sure I'm into Polish chicks, though.
-------------------- Well...
Posts: 5108 | From: The Deep North, Oz | Registered: Dec 2006
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Sandemaniac
Shipmate
# 12829
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Posted
Come up to the ringing chamber and I'll show you a really big dong!
And, in similar vein
Y'know, Quasimodo, I've heard you can really hump...
AG
-------------------- "It becomes soon pleasantly apparent that change-ringing is by no means merely an excuse for beer" Charles Dickens gets it wrong, 1869
Posts: 3574 | From: The wardrobe of my soul | Registered: Jul 2007
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
'Ahhhh men!'
(I once heard a fellow alto complain - when having to sing that tricky word, 'I always get my men in the wrong place').
And another one for choristers: 'You roll your r's beautifully!'
-------------------- Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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