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Source: (consider it) Thread: The Programme
Musical Director

Nativity Play
# 3651

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Welcome, thespimaniacs, to the Ship of Fools Nativity Play Programme!

Within these hallowed pages you may find out all the backstage information regarding the play, the cast, the scenes, as well as advertisements for local organisations that have been kind enough to sponsor this production.

Would the cast please add their own biographies, the official biographer has had to take early retirement due to an unfortunate incident with his laptop power supply and a bucket of seaweed. Don't ask.

Each of the 14 Scenes (detailed below) will run for approximately 24 hours, with a short refreshment break in between each Scene. This will make the production last until Sunday 22nd December. At the end members of the cast (by this time of course out of character) may well be available in Heaven for questions, comments, mickey-taking or cash reward. The Directors will probably be several inches down a bottle of something strong.

So without further ado here it is, The Programme

ChrisT sez: *sigh* Let's take it once more from the top...

Posts: 284 | From: The Bandstand | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Musical Director

Nativity Play
# 3651

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Scene 1: Mary has a visitor
Highly-flavoured Gravy

Scene 2: Elizabeth has a Visitor
Ooooh, that shade of blue really compliments your complexion...

Scene 3: The Wise Men discover the Star
This week's horoscope

Scene 4: Meet Mary and Joseph
Through The Keyhole, Nazareth Edition

Scene 5: The Census Cometh
Inland Revenue P45 and CIS25 Form Registration Closing Date: 24th December

Scene 6: On the road to Bethlehem
Lickel Donkey

Scene 7: The Wise Men go to Herod
Oops! Wrong King

Scene 8: Finding the Inn / The Birth
Fawlty Towers, Bethlehem: No Vacancies

Scene 9: Fear Not! - Shepherds and Angels proclaiming
We interrupt your shepherding to bring you an important announcement...

Scene 10: Shepherds visit
You're not coming in here smelling like that!

Scene 11: Wise Men bring gifts
Forget the perfume, where's the cash?

Scene 12: Other Visitors
Just keep smiling, they will be gone soon

Scene 13: The Wise Men leave by a different route
He's behind you!!

Scene 14: Flight to Egypt and Grand Finale
Flight BA 145 from Gatwick

[ 09. December 2002, 20:00: Message edited by: Musical Director ]

ChrisT sez: *sigh* Let's take it once more from the top...

Posts: 284 | From: The Bandstand | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Musical Director

Nativity Play
# 3651

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Mary - Smudgie
Joseph - JesuiticalLad
Inn-keeper - Anselmina
Gabriel - Gabriel
Narrator - Chapelhead

Chief Angel - Workinprogress
Angel 1 - Jenny Ann
Angel 2 - Huia
Angel 3 - Duo Seraphim
Fourth Angel - Inanna
Angel 5 - sophs
Angel 6 - Rossweisse

Chief Wise Man - IncurablyGeek
Wise Man 2 - Alan Cresswell
Wise Man 3 - JoyfulNoise
The Wiseguy - Kelly Alves
Phil the Wise Guy - kenwritez
Magi 1 - Miss Molly
Magi 2 - Joyful Noise

Chief Comic Shepherd - Moth
Deputy Chief Shepherd - Madferret
Lowly Shepherd - Busyknitter
Even Lowlier Shepherd - Seigfried
Lowliest Shepherd - Robert Miller
Spare Shepherd - Rowen

Herod - Stoo
Henchman - Sarkycow
The Star - Lyra
St Elizabeth - Elizabeth Anne
Camel Driver - Rhisiart
Peasant (3rd on the left) - Clíona
Gift of Gold - Annie P
Understudy - Mrs Tubbs

The Cow - Jonah
The Ferret - Madferret
The Donkey - Lady A
The Goat - Curry
The Dove - Parrot O'Keif
Stable Cat - Nicolemrw
Sheep 1 - Jack the Lass
Sheep 2 - Woozle
Sheep 3 - jlg
Rudolph the Red-nosed Sheep - ThatsMrJuice2U

Jesus' Evil Twin - Erin
Dragon - Welsh Dragon
Fairy Godmother - Nanny Ogg
Pontius Pilot - Simon
A very naughty boy - Strathclydezero
Whale - Jonah
bee_of_good_cheer - Zephirine of the roses
Jedi Knight - Jedijudi
Mrs Herod - Jemmi
Backup Mary/Pregnant Woman - Grizzy
Black Angel - Peronel
Miss SOF 2002 - Clare
Round John Virgin - Adrian
Passer-by 3 - W

Director - Miffy
Choreographer - Brent
Chief Stage Manager - Bessie Rosebride
Lowly Stage Helper - flev
Invisible Stage Helper - Warrior Tortoise
Equity Deputy - Joan Rasch
Wardrobe - Eanswyth
Technical Person 1 - mysticlisa
Technical Person 2 - Quizmaster
Technical Person 3 - ShadoK
First-aider - Quincy
Tour manager - Eutychus
General Dogsbody - splosh
Tealady - SpO-On-n-ng
Film Director - Quizmaster

Musical Director - ChrisT
Conductor - Dolphy
Filling in (percussion?) - Quincy, Nanny Ogg
Strings - kingsfold
Horn section - incurablyGeek

CHOIR (with the angels above)
Singer 1 - Motherboard
Singer 2 - Clíona
Singer 3 - Nightlamp

Dancer 1 - Brent
Dancer 2 - Annie P

[ 09. December 2002, 20:00: Message edited by: Musical Director ]

ChrisT sez: *sigh* Let's take it once more from the top...

Posts: 284 | From: The Bandstand | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged

Nativity Play
# 3664

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Director made her acting debut (lowly shepherd with eye patch) back in the mid 1960s. Cameo roles as an autumn leaf, snow fairy, one of the Sleeping Beauty's godmothers, and an ornamental greek maiden in Midsummer Night's Dream followed before she decided that her skills lay elsewhere. (Where exactly she has yet to determine.) Maybe the powers that be on board Ship know something that she doesn't. Or not, as the case may be. [Wink]

Her big break came in the early 90's when she was invited to exhibit her directorial talents in a Franco/American European community nativity production. This venture ended abruptly (and painfully) after a little 'incident' involving chewing gum and a visiting synod member.

She was never asked back again, and so is pathetically grateful for the chance to earn a few miserable shekels on board Ship.


Posts: 109 | From: Her physiotherapist's couch | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Equity Deputy
Nativity Play
# 3673

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Joan[fill in the blank]Rasch, (Equity Deputy) , began her theatre career sorting out that beef thing with beer, artichokes raw and cooked, bloody mary ingredients, the cat playing the role of Gluttony, and the cast and crew of the premiere production of Bastille Day, written and directed by James D'Entremont. Other engagements followed, but in 1982, Joan graduated to High Church Liturgy, where she specializes in being invisible until needed.

Joan is married to actor Birnam Woode, who is preparing for a production of the new Shakespearean musical, Marching on Dunsinane.

Recreations: explaining proportional voting by single transferable ballot; electing bishops. Club: small, pointy one. Never received the Rose Bruford Medal for Effort.

Joan [Equity Deputy Dog] Rasch
@ @ @
{___} Oh, no, not again!

Posts: 33 | From: In a little box on your desk | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Musical Director

Nativity Play
# 3651

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The Musical Director Christadelphius V Tayliori III has had a long and illustrious career lasting just under one decade. From his humble beginning as the understudy to a Romanian organ-grinders monkey, he quickly moved onward and upward. Having gained a scholarship he went to the prestigious Jason Donovan Academy where his true and natural talents were rapidly recognised. So he was moved to the local McDonald Youth Training Scheme.

Undetered he continued to compose and arrange his own particular melée of traditional Scottish reels and drum-and-bass, and had quickly put together a short promotional CD using friends and family as he couldn't raise the cash to get proper musicians. The gods must have been smiling on him as the CD was picked up by none other than Pete Waterman. Unfortunately Pete used it to stop his desk from wobbling and, as Chris had forgotton to make another copy, that was the end of that.

But there's one thing that sets our esteemed musical leader apart, and that is he never gives up. Even when people beg him to, refuse funding, and ban him from every performance hall in the county. As he often says himself "It's not the easy times that make you great, they only make you feel great. It's the bad times that, although they make you feel bad, they really are making you good. Or great. Or something."

But you can't keep a good man under cover, as the old idiom goes. And before long Chris was touring with a professional band. He remembers these days fondly...

"Yes, it was great being on the road with the guys - the camaraderie, the fun, but above all the music. The only downer was when they used to leave chewing gum under the seats of the bus when they left and I had to clear it up before I took the bus back the hire company..."

And so we continue to today, when we are priviledged and happy to have welcomed Chris into our midst leading this great orchestra of nearly local repute.

ChrisT sez: *sigh* Let's take it once more from the top...

Posts: 284 | From: The Bandstand | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Chief Comic Shepherd

Nativity Play
# 3660

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Chief Comic Shepherd (by far the funniest part in this production, naturally) is played by Moth. Attracted to stage lights at an early age, Moth has also flitted across almost every screen any of you have ever seen. She has even been known to land on your TV set in an annoying and persistant manner, spoiling your enjoyment of any programme more intellectually demanding than 'Blue Peter'.

Moth's first nativity was a huge disappointment to her. Despite Moth being quite clearly the best actress in the class, the coveted part of Mary was given to another, less worthy pupil, merely because she was blonde and pretty. This is the kind of casting which any Ak-torrr worth her salt despises. Moth was left to take on the unadmired and onerous part of Gabriel, which left her in charge of a gaggle of infant girl angels, all of whom needed to be led onto the stage in height order. The inability of the little darlings to remember who they were supposed to follow led to Moth giving vent to language no-one could truthfully describe as angelic. (The rumours that some little angels had haloes tightened unnecessarily around their necks were never substantiated). The experience haunts Moth yet.

In agreeing to take on the part of Chief Comic Shepherd, Moth was, frankly, expecting to be begged to take on a greater role. However, the part appears to provide scope for considerable development, and Moth will be popping up just wherever she can. No scene in which a shepherd can appear will be left unshepherded! Moth is bound and determined to give this show her all!

I be also known as Moth!

Posts: 137 | From: Near Bethlehem | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged

Nativity Play
# 3713

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Refreshments menu:

Tea - 80p
Coffee - 1.10
Cafe latte - 1.50 (extra milk)
Cappuccino - 1.50 (extra milk and I blow into it through a straw)
Double moccaccino with whipped cream - off
'Medicinal' coffee - 2.50 (Scottish or French medicine...)
Large bottle of Scottish or French medicine - 15.00

Rock cakes - 50p. The management accepts no responsibility for chipped teeth
Sausage onna stick - 1.00
Meat pie - 1.50
Meat pie with recognisable meat chunks - 2.00

The tea trolley will be running over your foot any inconvenient time now. I suffer from lumbago and arthritis, as you will hear in due course. At great length, if you are foolish enough to show any sign of interest....

The tealady's coffee-grinder is a Spong...

Posts: 20 | From: Tea trolley | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Angel 1

Nativity Play
# 3661

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In this years nativity Angel 1 is being played by Jenny Ann. Jenny has little acting experience, which I guess makes here new talent. She has, however, got experience in the role. Apart from being generally angelic IRL, she fought off all competition to play the role when she was 5 in a school nativity.

This was a flawless performance apart from the small incident when she spotted a loyal fan (her father) in the audience and ever eager to meet and greet her fans, lifted up her costume and shouted 'That's my daddy!'. This, however was all part of the fun!

Look out for her and the other angels in scene 9!

Jenny Ann smiles sweetly

Posts: 100 | From: Heaven/bethlehem/the angelic dressing room/on stage | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged

Nativity Play
# 3680

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The Narrator

In a long writing career, the Narrator has submitted considerable amount of material to such hugely successful shows as "The Goons", "Monty Python's Flying Circus", and "Not the Nine O'clock News".

Unfortunately, none of it was ever used.

His writing career really took off when he had a letter published in the Godalming Times in July 1989 on the subject of cyclists on pavements - although whether he was for or against was not clear.

Since then he has supplied many amateur dramatic groups with translation of obscure Russian plays, one of which led the drama critic of the Petersfield Messenger Advertiser to comment appreciatively, "It would have made more sense if they had performed it in the original Russian".

The Narrator is 29 and lives in Surrey.


Posts: 90 | From: Prompt corner | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged

Nativity Play
# 3649

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Quentin St.Berrie - Herod.
We are honoured to have Quentin, a Professional Actor amongst our cast. Quentin started his theatre career treading the boards at Milton Keanes College of Performing Arts, where he appeared in an adaption of Fromage's Le Posseur. Having graduated with an HND in Drama Studies, he quickly progressed to RADA, where, notably, he appeared as Herr Grosskopf in Käse's Der Angeber. Quentin has appeared in episodes of The Bill, Eastenders and Channel Four's Hollyoaks. He will be appearing in an ITV serial, Tough Soldiers in the new year.

#I'm Herod the Great, I am, I am.#


Posts: 159 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Stable Cat

Nativity Play
# 3657

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the stable cat has been a cat for a long time, and enjoys catching small rodents, tripping people randomly, hacking up hairballs, and sleeping in warm places inconvienient for anyone else.

nicolemrw says "meow!"

Posts: 85 | From: the stable | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
The Cow

Nativity Play
# 3656

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Jonah the Whale's acting career is yet to take off. He is hoping his part as The Cow will not be too demanding. "Whales find it difficult to get around stages on their fins", he is reported to have said, "so this role should suit me fine. I think I will just have to stand there and say 'Moo!' every so often".

Apparently he is not worried about being cast as a female, or as a different species of mammal. "Nah, these plastic udders you get these days are highly realistic. No one will be able to tell. Cows have quite low voices anyway."

This is the first role he has had, but he is very excited about it, feeling that acting under Miffy's directorship will help his credentials. He hopes to audition for a supporting role in Free Willy 4 - The Voyage Home next spring.

Anybody ever seen a whale in a cow outfit before?

Posts: 41 | From: Stable | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Fourth Angel

Nativity Play
# 3647

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Fourth Angel is somewhat miffed at being only a Fourth Angel, as she was always the Angel Gabriel at her primary school nativity play.

She's made up for it by learning all Gabriel's lines and will recite them wherever necessary.

She would like to dedicate this performance to her mummy who lent her white nightie for the occasion.

From the goddess Inanna to the fourth angel from the left.

Posts: 62 | From: The Realms of Glory | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Fairy Godmother

Nativity Play
# 3695

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Nanny Ogg began her illustrious comedy career as the back side of the cow in "Jack and the Beanstalk" whilst aged 11.

After a stage school education, where she excelled in the arts of rudeness, cheek and general flippancy, she went to RAFF (Royal Academy of Flatulent Fairies) to study stagecraft, merry making and artistry (specialised [Wink] )

After a short season in repartory theatre in roles as The Nurse in "Romeo and Juliet" and Bottom in "A Midsummer Nights Dream" (for which she was awarded an award) she found herself on the London stage playing to packed houses as Abigail in the acclaimed version of "Abigail's Party".

Spotted by a television producer (and after extensive sessions on the casting couch) she landed her first TV part in the early 1980s in a little know serial "Westenders". Sadly all copies of this programme were destroyed in a mysterious fire before it went on air. Sadly a similar thing happened to her scenes in "Abdication Road" which were to have been screened in the early 1990s.

Nanny Ogg is today well know for her portrayal of Dawn French playing Geraldine in "The Vicar of Dibley" and herself "French and Saunders".

"Playing my favourite comedienne has always been an ambition of mine" She is quoted as saying.

Her hobbies are reading Terry Pratchett, having a good time down the local and avoiding the paparazzi.

It could only be Nanny Ogg

Posts: 265 | From: Appearing in a pantomime near you | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
chief stage manager

Nativity Play
# 3658

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Chief Stage Manager, brings to this assignment a background littered with accolades and stunning successes.

Her first celebrated role in nativity plays was that of Tinsel for which she received an honorary Doctorate in Kindergarten Dramatics.

Her next Nativity experience was at age 15 in an Easter play, in which she portrayed both Mary and Martha, as well as designing and handling all props.

Her true calling as backstage crew person came at the moment she auditioned for a Little Theatre production of The Sound of Music in which she sang Edelweiss so off key that she was relegated to Props Crew.

During Secondary Education, Miss Rosebride expertly directed an energetic, original version of Little Women. This involved not only directing the play, but painting scenery, and designing all advertising poster art.

Her best known work is as that of Props Crew Chief for a camp comedy version of The Golden Goose, in local Comedy Theatre, during which she hand sewed the Goose; created an amazing cardboard axe and expertly cared for the ferret.

Miss Rosebride has great expectations in this bid for fame as Stage Manager in this unusual, unwritten, and poorly cast production of the great Nativity Play.

The original bessie rosebride.

Posts: 148 | From: stage left amongst the props | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged

Nativity Play
# 3666

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Jesuitical Lad, whose character St Joseph is undoubtedly the most important figure in the Christmas story, was the star of clip 26 on episode 345-1a of You've Been Framed, and has also been involved in several episodes of South Hibernian Television's award-winning Simplified Shakespeare Puppet Fun. Although the Ship of Fools Nativity Play marks a significant advance in his career, the Lad is keeping a cool outlook - as evidenced in his response to queries about the future direction of his work:

"You'll have to ask my agents about that. Please, out of the way now. There's a marauding band of sexy girls who desperately want my autograph - not to mention my body."

Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.

Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Sheep 3

Nativity Play
# 3663

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jlg the sheep is a sheep and has had to battle specie-ist, discriminatory typecasting for her entire career. She hopes to one day be allowed to play a goat; between roles she works on her doctorate in linguistics and is able to say "maaaaa" with no trace of an accent.

jlg the sheep

Posts: 278 | From: lost in a pasture | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Angel 6

Nativity Play
# 3709

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(Angel 6, while annoyed at being denied either of her avatar choices (and she got in her request early, too!) is a gracious colleague and will refrain from complaining further. Well, from complaining much, anyway.)

Rossweisse, featured in the role of Angel 6, is a former professional singer and has the ego to prove it. She made her solo debut as a kindergartener at Somerset Elementary School in the starring role of Bunny Pinkears. From there she moved to church solos, singing happy little protest songs to the accompaniment of her guitar in coffee houses, and thence to grand opera, where the audience may often sleep but seldom talks whilst one is singing Profound Stuff.

She sang quite important roles with quite small companies and extremely small roles with extremely grand companies, including a one-line La Scala debut. (That's all right; we takes our La Scala debuts where we finds them.)

Rossweisse started writing on the side, and was eventually asked to do criticism. She quickly discovered that this was MUCH more fun than auditioning, and that heads of opera companies can, when circumstances dictate, grovel quite nicely. So she switched sides and lived happily ever after.

Rossweisse is happy to return to the stage in this virtual form, and notes, "Angels rule; sheep drool."

And there's a big box of chocolates in the angelic dressing room -- happy opening night!

Rossweisse // The few, the proud, the angelic

Posts: 133 | From: Heavenly Host clubroom | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged

Nativity Play
# 3672

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zephirine of the roses as bee of good cheer

a voracious gardener, eternal flower-child, bee savior, toddling Christian and biker-wife of 20 years (come june), mrs. roses has little acting experience except for glittering fantasies staged while lying upside down on the garden swing on a rose-scented july afternoon, played to an audience of One. (insert daisy smilie)

[ 10. December 2002, 07:46: Message edited by: Musical Director ]

how many angels can dance on the head of a pin? (ponders zephirine of the roses)

Posts: 39 | From: earth | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Passer-by 3

Nativity Play
# 3711

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Audrey Wibblethorpe plays the part of 'Passer-by 3' in the Ship of Fools Nativity Play.

Previous roles have included 'Lady standing by wall 6' in the short lived production 'Net curtains across a long window' and 'Restaurant-diner 11' in the stage show 'The wall at the far end we painted red'. Audrey's most notable TV appearance was 'Woman at bus-stop 27' in the lesser-known series 'On the other wall are some christmas lights I put up yesterday'.

As a result of securing this place in the Ship of Fools production the future looks bright for Audrey. She has already been offered the part of 'Dog-walker 8' in the forthcoming play 'The curtain behind me is a deep green colour' and will shortly be auditioning for the part of 'tea-drinker 2' in 'There is nothing particularly remarkable about the ceiling'.

These are indeed happy times.


Posts: 30 | From: The Wings | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Jedi Knight

Nativity Play
# 3686

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jedijudy has actually only acted as a participant in mock training battles at the Jedi Temple's martial arts training academy.

She read in the newspaper about some esteemed US Congressman or other who has left his day job to pursue an acting career, portraying (of course) a congressman. jedijudy thought to herself, that if he could do it, she could probably do as well. Hearing about the position of "Jedi Knight" that was being casted in this wonderful Nativity Play, she asked for, and was granted a temporary leave from her regular Jedi duties.

We are sure that jedijudy's debut will be sparkling and a joy for all the audience!

jj says-Don't y'all bad guys be messin' with those babies, now y'hear?

Posts: 61 | From: Fort Misery, Flour-dough | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Angel 3

Nativity Play
# 3687

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Angel 3 is played by Duo Seraphim She has had an illustrious career in other fields, forests and moors.

She has previously played Melchior the Wise Man at her school Nativity Play and sang a solo verse of "We Three Kings". Her nephew has had the distinction of playing a tree in his schools Nativity Play. No member of her extended family has ever played a sheep.

Duo Seraphim sings soprano with the Paddington Cacophonic Society in Sydney. She is very glad to learn that Angel 6 has thoughtfully ensured that the fridge is well stocked with beer.

The artist usually known as Duo Seraphim

"Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est."

Posts: 76 | From: Sydney, Australia | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged

Nativity Play
# 3688

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Coming to the Ship of Fools Theatre Company with years of experience assisting people who see and hear things, mysticlisa will be turning on the lights and sound.

seeing lights? hearing voices? i can help with that...mysticlisa

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Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep

Nativity Play
# 3667

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When I was a just little lamb, I wanted to be a Shakespearean actor, but back then there was no future for funny-nosed animals in show business. Then, when my cousin, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, became a big star, I saw my big chance. Especially since he always bragged to the rest of the family about his mansion, his antique car collection, and the supermodels he hung out with.

My first big break was a guest appearance on the Muppet Show, but I was kicked out when I accidently took a plop on stage and Kermit stepped in it (It was an accident I kept telling them, I was nervous, but no! And let me tell you, Kermit may seem like a nice guy on stage, but he is quite the prima donna in real life!) I then tried out for Monty Python and the Holy Grail, too, but was bitterly disappointed when the role I was hoping for went to a certain rabbit instead. [Disappointed]

I next tried to break into Hollywood, but my scenes in the movies Babe, Stuart Little, and Titanic (as Rose's special pet sheep) were sadly left on the cutting room floor)

Now, at last, I finally get my big chance to be a star, which I hope will lead one day to a Christmas special of my own.
[Big Grin]

I may be just a purple sheep with a funny nose, but ThatsMrJuice 2U!

Posts: 110 | From: The Sheep Shed | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Angel 2

Nativity Play
# 3710

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Angel 2 is actually a very famous actor appearing under a stage name to protect the rest of the cast from her fans, who would otherwise invade the theatre. She appears after some of the other Angels in scene 1 due to problems in the space/time continuum that even an actor of her calibre cannot quite overcome.

She is known for her generosity in anonymously donating large amounts of money to charities. [Angel] [Angel]

From an extinct bird to a live Angel - AKA Huia

Posts: 14 | From: NZ | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Camel driver

Nativity Play
# 3655

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Playing the role of the Camel Driver is Rhisiart. He started at the top (playing Christ in the primary school's Easter mystery play) and has worked his way down ever since. Guest appearances in Minder and Star Trek: The Next Generation, and a regular role in Eastenders, exist only in his imagination, but he did live half a mile away from Sir Anthony Hopkins' mother and once lived in the same road as Helen "I loves blinkin', I do" from Big Brother 2.

Rhisiart is available for any productions, large or small -

Programme editor's note: advertising has to be paid for, sunshine, don't push it...

Rhisiart: camel driving for the new millennium

Posts: 11 | From: Ali's Used Camels, 2nd tent, Baghdad High St | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Virgin Mary

Nativity Play
# 3653

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it was a great honour when Smudgie was offered the role of Mary in this year's Nativity play - a great honour for the Ship, that is - and Smudgie humbly agreed, despite a nagging doubt about the wisdom of taking on a role which was such obviously type-casting: sweet, innocent, young, gentle, modest, need we say more??? [Angel]

Her acting career began at a very early age when she perfected the line "Yes Mummy, I've eated all my cabbage", and she continued to develop her interest in drama by putting up curtains across the garage door and practising behind them with the boy next door. She appeared in Alice in Wonderland as the Queen of Hearts and was renowned for her impassioned rendition of the line "Off with his head!" This pull towards the more regal historical characters was followed by several appearances in Nativity plays as a wise man. (Everyone knows that if they were really wise, they were obviously women - the only hint they may actually have been men was the impracticality of their choice of gifts)

Equally at home on the stage as in the local sweet shop, Smudgie went on to stardom, first as a cardboard box in "Arthur and the Cuboids" and then as a member of the chorus in Godspell and G&S operetta. Thus attention was finally drawn to her hitherto-unnoticed and utterly indescribable singing talents. Critics have been known to comment that she has the voice of a bird.* She is greatly looking forward to her solo rendition of "Ickle Jesus Sweetly Sleep"

(* Well, starlings are birds too, aren't they???)

Can you have a white wedding in blue?

Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Chief Angel

Nativity Play
# 3706

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The role of Chief Angel in this year's Nativity will be a special one for WorkInProgress.

She began her stage career as a sheep in the nursery school nativity aged 3 and a bit. At this point in her career, she made the prudent choice of taking up dance classes. This meant other roles, such as mist maidens and snowflakes were now open to her.

After another few Nativity Plays, playing sheep (and perfecting her line: 'Baa Baa Baa Baa Bah Humbug!'), she made the permanent switch to dance as a career choice.

However, with the dancing involved both in the Pantomime (playing this week) and Dance Show next term, and all the preparations involved with Christmas, WorkInProgress, felt unable to lend her talents as a dancer to the Ship. Auditioning for an angel (but not a sheep), she never expected such an important role. However, as always, her talent for being noticed by Directors (for her acting skills!) won through, and she humbly accepted the part of Chief Angel.

[Angel] [Two face] [Angel]

WorkInProgress at her most angelic...

Posts: 42 | From: Heaven/Pantoland | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
angel 5

Nativity Play
# 3696

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Angel 5 is played by sophs, who mistakenly thought that this was a school nativity play so joined in with great gusto, finding out that most of the cast are adults means that she will have to work hard to be noticed.
she has a knack for getting into trouble... [Two face]

and all the angels sang for him, the bells of heaven rang for him
for a boy was born, king of all the world

Posts: 38 | From: in a cattle shed | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Evil Henchman

Nativity Play
# 3705

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Evil Henchman has been an evil henchman as long as she can remember. Her Great-Grandma ws one, so was her Grandma and her mother. It seemed only natural that she should follow in their footsteps. She currently works for a London gang, but her work takes her all over the world. this has helped prefect her linguistic abilities - she can say "Yes boss" and snicker evilly in 39 different languages.

She landed her role in this play as her boss is going out with the director, and so lent her to said director as a security guard.

I've left my toasting fork with my alternate personality Sarkycow.

Posts: 118 | From: The Guardhouse | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Lowliest Shepherd

Nativity Play
# 3650

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Lowly is my middle name and I intend to bring some wonderful depth and tea-towels to this performance. Er..... um..... that's all really [Smile]

Rob Miller - Ship's TULIP

Posts: 15 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Miss Ship of Fools 2002
Nativity Play
# 3718

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I'm not really acting as such, just helping out behind the scenes. I wondered if you needed these programmes folding? I quite often pop into the parish office for a nice chat and a little bit of leaflet folding for the Sunday service... once you've got everything set out and you get into the swing of it the time passes very pleasantly.

Of course, I did have my own moment of glory... I won't bore you with the details of it now. Really, it was just a small world-wide event, though the W.I. did seem to enjoy my little presentation on the experience. As I've said before I am more than willing to loan the kings my trophy if it would help as a suitable way to carry the myrrh. Do let me know and I'll look it out and give it a rub with the Brasso. I don’t think you’ll be able to see my name engraved on the side at that distance.

clare, in my pre-glory days

Posts: 7 | From: just popping in | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Third Singer

Nativity Play
# 3712

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Third singer will sing the Bass line irritatingly out of tune.

AKA Nightlamp

Posts: 7 | From: UK | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged

Nativity Play
# 3672

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takes a short break by cruising to a nearby hilltop. wipes down motorcycle with a chamois. sighs as the wind begins to lift tendrils of wild angelic mane.

pulls aeolian harp out of kit bag on sissy bar. sets it on an outcropping and listens as the north winds plays....

sings softly:

wonderful counselor
prince of peace
mighty God
everlasting Father


how many angels can dance on the head of a pin? (ponders zephirine of the roses)

Posts: 39 | From: earth | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Sheep 2

Nativity Play
# 3714

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Sheep 2 doesn't participate in a lot of productions, (not that she couldn't, of course,) but when she does she generally plays a sheep. In her spare time she likes to do sheep things, such as eating grass, chewing her cud, munching on whatever is nearby, staring stupidly at everyone, and practicing her lines for the productions she does participate in, which generally include "Baaa." She is also perfecting the art of making variations of "Baaa," such as "Baaaaaaa," "Ba," and "BAAAAAAAA!" In general, Sheep 2 enjoys being a sheep and all that entails. However, she dislikes and objects to the crude, discriminatory jokes and slanderous remarks that other cast members make about sheep, many of which refer to mutton, lamb, seatcovers, and other such disgusting notions. She thinks they should all stick to spam.


Long live the sheep!!

Posts: 36 | From: The Field | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Deputy Chief Shepherd

Nativity Play
# 3698

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Fresh from auditions for the upcoming TV specials Popstars - The Ferrets and Ferret Academy, madferret brings a wealth of experience and his own stripey teatowel to the role of Deputy Chief Shepherd.

"I have played a number of different nativity characters in the past - kings, joseph, narrator and of course, shepherds. The role of Deputy Chief Shepherd is new to me but I have no doubt that I will fit in perfectly."

madferret has no modesty to speak of. And very sharp teeth.

Yes, I'm a madferret. And that's my own teatowel.

Posts: 115 | From: seated on the ground | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Mrs. Herod

Nativity Play
# 3681

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Jemmi - Has just finished 6th form and was offered a place at RADA but decided it woul be better for her career to play Mrs. Herod in this years ship of fools Nativity place and she feels she has made the right choice as she has been able to play alongside her long time hero. Stoo. (playing Herod)

While she was at RADA she played Felicity in the school's worldly acclaimed production of 'My Tissue Box is a lovely shade of pink' and also June in a production of 'Ahhh I hate work!' When she was five she modelled for a Woolworths 'back to school' advertisement, advertising pencil cases.

She lives in York with her girlfriend and two parrots. Her hobbies include dress making and Big Brother autograph hunting.

[You 'moddled' did you? So I've heard...]

[ 11. December 2002, 11:16: Message edited by: Musical Director ]


Posts: 4 | From: The Palace | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Baby Jesus

Nativity Play
# 3729

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Baby Jesus is this year being played by baby Beethoven. This is a role with which she is familiar, as she made her acting debut starring as Jesus in the local crib service last year. She may not be aware of this, however, as she slept through the entire service.

Baby B says she will bring a much-needed air of peace and serenity to this production, counterbalancing the presence of Jesus' evil twin sister. [Angel] [Snore] [Angel]

Few people know that Beethoven's daughter is really the Son of God!

Posts: 13 | From: the manger | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Tour Manager

Nativity Play
# 3670

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After much practice in trying to ensure the participants in various christian dramatic/outreachy events arrive in the right place at the right time, Eutychus has wide experience of the joys and pitfalls of Tour Managing.

After one memorable occasion when the future Mrs Eutychus came to the rescue by ensuring each of two outreach teams had equal numbers of males and females, musicians, French-speakers, AND that no courting couples were separated (true!), Eutychus moved on to higher things.

After years of organising the church's Christmas party he has perfected the art of delegation so much that this year it looks as though he will not even be asked to turn off the lights (wonder why).

This leaves him ample time to devote himself to the taxing assignment of moving virtual characters around in virtual reality.

Let's get this show on the roaaaaaaaaaaaa- *boink* (Eutychus)

Posts: 46 | From: Magic Tour Bus | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
# 827

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We are delighted to have Gabriel playing himself for this performance. He has a very busy schedule at this time of year but he has managed to re-arrange his hectic life to help us out.

His first-hand knowledge of the original scrip is proving invaluable to us and has enabled us to provide a script for this performance that bears no resemblance to the original whatsoever.

Posts: 42 | From: UK MIdlands | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Sheep 1

Nativity Play
# 3671

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Sheep 1 began (and up until recently ended) her slightly-less-than-illustrious Nativity career with a childhood appearance as 2nd angel from the right. This experience led to long-lasting disillusionment and a downward spiral into excessive grass consumption, mainly due to the primadonna-ish and frankly sheepophobic antics of the other angels, along with an inability to resist the temptation to nibble at her own costume. With the SoF Nativity Play, Sheep 1 is delighted to have returned to her one true vocation and play a part which demonstrates her awesome acting talents, as well as providing a regular opportunity to stuff her face with vegetation. She hopes that, through the consummate professionalism of herself and her partners in cud-chewing, Sheep 2, Sheep 3 and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep, the infinite variety, depth and endless comic potential and versatility of this much-maligned but vastly intelligent species (no, really!) will be revealed to a wider audience. She is willing to meet with any casting directors after the show, and is particularly keen to move into hospital drama.

Jack the Lass the Sheep (but you can call me Shaun)

Posts: 45 | From: a flippin' cold hillside outside Bethlehem | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Phil the Wise Guy
Nativity Play
# 3678

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Phil the Wise Guy - Kenwritez

While mere words cannot express the depth of audience reaction to Ken's acting, (sound effects are required) we are content to let his light shine as it is.

Ken was first discovered in the maternity ward room #4 at Glendale Community Hospital in Glendale, California, playing the eponymous role in the 1962 production of "Ken: The Beginning." As a result, his mother has never looked back.

He grew up scratching at the inside of his terrarium, happily fixated on a tv set playing only reruns of gameshows and "I Love Lucy."

In 1967 the 1961 Kenwritez Integration Act of 1964 mandated his release and allowed him to mingle freely, unprotected, with other human children, regardless of the protests and riots fomented by those opposing this decision.

After his parents were relocated into the Federal Witless Protection Program, Ken was found by a kindly puddle of phlegm and raised by it as if he was its' own.

That phlegmy relationship gave Ken all the strength and wisdom he needed to throw off the shackles of aspersions cast against his lack of identifiable species, and pursue his dream: The one with the naked midget wearing the bowler hat and the blonde with the HUGE...No, sorry. The OTHER dream. Yes! The dream of one day being in the SoF Nativity Play!

Today, we are...er..."happy"...to announce Ken's role in our production! I'm sure we all look forward to his imminent success and his even imminenter depearture.

So, wheres can I get a drink in dis town? Feels so good ta can dat Kenwritez nice-guy schtick.

Posts: 68 | From: Some burg outside Jerusalem | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Spare Shepherd

Nativity Play
# 3690

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I am so pleased to write this little note for such a fine programme. My fans beg me to be honest, and not humble, so honest I am... I am indeed a great actor and singer, and cook a mean lamb kebab on the BBQ.
I began my illustrious career playing a Spare Christmas Tree in the Yr 5 Pageant at primary school. By the end of my secondary school days, I had been Spare Grave Digger, Spare Crowd Member, and- my crowning achievement- Spare Soldier from the Right Hand End in several Shakespearean plays.
I was accepted by the Australian National School of Drama after finishing university, and am currently doing a research PhD in Spare Drama, although I have never lost my love of active Spare stagecraft. At the conclusion of this play, I will return to the big theatre, and play the Spare Fairy Godmother in a fabulous Christmas Pageant in Brisbane, Australia. Why not drop in and applaud me there?
Much of my adult success is due to the loving support of my lifelong companion, Rowen, who knows me only too well! And intimately!
[Big Grin]

The last time I checked I was Rowen- really!

Posts: 68 | From: A sheeply village near Brisbane, Australia | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged

Nativity Play
# 3717

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The Understudy can't act, sing or dance but she is very pretty and asked so nicely that the Director agreed to cast her in something that would get her name in the progamme but wouldn't actually involve being on stage [Two face] (The Director is praying fervently that No One Falls Ill or Has An Unfortunate Accident [Big Grin] )

The Understudy has studied theatrical make up and makes a nice cup of tea and bakes an exceedingly good cake. She didn't mention her knowledge of DIY or her interest in tropical poisons [Angel]

If we took a holiday
Took some time to celebrate
Just one day out of life
It would be, it would be so nice

Mrs Tubbs - Chief Understudy and Go-fer

Posts: 14 | From: By the Small Fire | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged

Nativity Play
# 3680

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Just some of the praise that has already been heaped on this production

A Millstone in the History of World Theatre
Stage Monthly

Faithful presents the original facts
Area 51 (Formerly “Conspiracy Today”)

Papist nonsense
Daily Journal of the Even Wee-er Frees than you thought possible

Proddy nonsense
Gazette of the Society for the Defence of the Holy Catholic Church of Jesus

Not Orthodox
Orthodox Post

Watch this play and you will burn in hell for all eternity
Chick Tract Times

Full of interest from start to finish
Shepherd and Sheep Weekly

Let us remember the good we find in it
Thought for the Day Newsletter

Woefully lacking any characters called Jensen
Sydney Diocesan Herald


Posts: 90 | From: Prompt corner | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Wise Guy
Nativity Play
# 3707

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One day in November, an unknown tabletop thespian named Kelly Alves responded to a Nativity Play cattle-call with the response, "Can I be a wise guy?" followed by an obnoxious grin smilie. Thinking her flippancy would be roundly ignored, she went on about her business.

Imagine her astonishment when she saw the cast listing and discovered, indeed, she was offered the opportunity of a lifetime-the role of Wise Guy was hers!

Since then Kelly has put her ample RPG experience to use via her stunning portrayal of the poignant, lost little wise guy who has a fondness for barn animals. Critics everywhere have gasped in dismay--er, sheer joy at her exciting improv turns, including the famous Heading The Wrong Flipping Direction Scene, and the unforgettable Passing Out To Pick Up Mum at Airport dodge. (Behind-the-scenes note:Kelly's dedication is such that she sped to the airport, threw her mother in the car without allowing her to say goodbye to friends, sped home, and let Mum carry her own luggage in as she hurried back to the action in progress.)

Kelly would like to thank the following people: Chaosium Inc, for training; Liev Schrieber, for the love, smootches, and gooshy fan-notes he consistantly supplies; Sheep #1 for backstage support and encouragement; Wise Guy 2 for bailing her out during fainting spells; and the entire cast and crew of SOF's nativity play for making this such a delightful experience
Oh, and Mom, I guess. It is her computer I am using
(just kidding, Mom. Thanks!)

KELLY ALVES makes a flip remark and ends up in a play. Hi, Mom!

Posts: 205 | From: Second star to the right | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Assorted Strings

Nativity Play
# 3652

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Assorted Strings are supplied by kingsfold enterprises.

Having consistently failed to be selected for her primary school nativity play, due variously to being too short to be an angel, having too harsh a speaking voice to be Mary and being a girl when the part the teacher told her to audition for was that of a boy, kingsfold decided that there was more to life than stage stardom.

She therefore went into the musician supply business, and hired out as Assorted Strings for various productions. One only has to read the critics reviews to realise that this was a wise change of career. "Beyond belief," wrote the Blogsworth Echo of her performance in The Wizard of Oz. "Incomparable," was the adjective used by the Nigglewick Standard of her performances in Oliver.

Assorted Strings is available at very reasonable rates for all your instrumental string needs, and would like to point out that, should you not require strings, she can also supply recorder, tin whistle, kazoo and maraccas at no extra charge.

kingsfold's alter ego....

fiddling, plucking and strumming

Posts: 53 | From: the orchestra pit | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Sheep 3

Nativity Play
# 3663

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Sheep 3 (played by jlg the sheep) found that being part of this play was truly a life-changing experience. "As adults, we all have a rather condescending attitude towards the scatalogical joke period which youngsters go through, when they grin and giggle and thoroughly enjoy really stupid jokes about bodily eliminations. I was truly amazed to find that playing this role of Sheep 3 brought me back into a visceral connection with that stage of life. Every time I produced *sheep plop* on stage, I found myself grinning and laughing and feeling very free and happy. It was truly a transformative experience for me, and I am grateful to have been given this opportunity to experience it."

jlg the sheep

Posts: 278 | From: lost in a pasture | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Angel 1

Nativity Play
# 3661

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Angel 1 would like to reassure cast and audience (?) members that she is no longer evil as the influence of herod has gone.

she is nice again!



Jenny Ann smiles sweetly

Posts: 100 | From: Heaven/bethlehem/the angelic dressing room/on stage | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged

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